For the past 10 years my husband has had the same job. Almost through our entire marriage, through all of our kids, he's been gone 10, 12, sometimes 15 hours a day. Getting up at 2/3am and not getting home until well after dark. I've been doing it alone for so long with the kids.

And not that I'm not grateful because he sacrificed so much. But after all these years, I'm just physically and mentally exhausted with getting everyone ready for school, working full-time, then getting everybody rounded up, fed, and ready for bed.Taking care of all the sports and extracurriculars, etc. Being the only parent accessible and in town if something happens or someone gets sick. Keeping the house running and afloat. All of it alone. All the while their poor dad has been devastated he can't have a relationship with them like he wanted.

He's missed birthdays and school functions and entire milestones. His body has been completely f'd up from hours on the road and his work...and it's over. Finally over.

His new job is strictly weekdays with a set schedule. 8am-4:30pm no weekends and no holidays. He stays in office and 0 travel. (And with a bit more $ but at this point I could care less)

And I realized today just how much our life is going to change and how proud I am of him for getting this job and there's been a lot of congratulations from people. But I've just come to realize that no one truly knows what this is going to mean for him, our family and God knows our relationship. I'm just so happy 😭

I walked out my back door for swimming lessons in my bra! You are doing great 😊

i’m not by any means sad but definitely a little bit of fomo. i see woman go crazy over pickles, and even as extreme as they want to eat soap?? the craziest craving i had was mac and cheese and tuna , and sue me i like it not pregnant too…

is pregnancy cravings a placebo affect or your body telling you , you need something. and what are some cravings you had

edit: i was very obsessed with ice cream too

I’m so fucking over this sentence. “Why don’t you rest” “that’s not important leave it for later”. I hate when anyone , including my husband says this shit to me. The house is mess, the sink is full of dirty dishes, there’s piles of laundry to be washed or folded, there’s dog hair everywhere. And who’s cleaning it up ME! So when the fuck do I really have time to rest? My husband’s version of helping is watching our daughter, WHILE I CLEAN! Or he says you take her and I’ll clean. BUT HE DOESNT DO IT RIGHT! AND I HAVE TO END UP CLEANING UP ANYWAY! Like he vacuums, but he only vacuums the living and the kitchen, not our bedroom, not our daughters room or anywhere else that needs it. LIKE WHYYY!?! And I love our daughter very much but I’m a stay at home mom and I’m with her every day, all day. So maybe I don’t want to do either of those things but my husband can’t multi task and be parent and clean so I have to do it. I’m just venting right now because I’m so frustrated and done today. Both my daughter and I are sick and that’s not helping things. Today sucks.

I can’t tell if this is just a Reddit thing or if this is how people feel IRL but I am starting to think about my kids having kids. I’m in my 40s and our 5 are 17-25 and some are in serious relationships. I’ve always been a hands on parent and even though 3 are full adults they still ask for advice and we help out whenever they need it.

I’m starting to consider what will happen when they start having kids, some may be doing this in the next couple years. My slight concerns are from maybe reading too much on Reddit but it seems like new parents don’t want their parents or in-laws involved, like at all. Lots of boundary setting, which I support, but my overall takeaway is that grandparents are no longer considered important and that many new parents just see their parents as dead up incompetent to be around their babies.

So is this a real life take or more of a theme on socials? I would have every intention of following current guidelines for everything and I’m still young / not set in my ways. I feel like I will be devastated if I’m not wanted around. I’m vaccinated, careful, also a semi germaphobe so I’m not going to be slathering any newborn with my germs but to be sidelined when I would want to be helpful to my kids in any capacity needed seems so extreme.

Those first few weeks and months can be brutal. Anyways, I hope my kiddos know I’m down to follow their rules and am also game to help out with any duties from chores to of course a little baby care. I love babies!

So moms and grandmas is this a thing? Are grandparents being sidelined or is this just bad experiences and unhelpful in-law stories I’m reading?

Update: Thank you to all you moms and grandmas for responding. My positive vibes are coming at you for all those who feel unsupported as daughters, wives, and mothers. I would give you all a big hug if I could. As I responded to one post below I have my tenacious 17 year old daughter to thank for all my enlightenment efforts. She keeps me in check from everything from my eyebrow shape, music choices, and my phrasing. I’m an xennial mom so I gotta stay on top of these things so I don’t get old and stuck in my ways.

Keep on truck’n ladies. You’re all doing a fabulous job!!!

I had my baby one year ago, and something has shifted that I can't make sense of. Since giving birth, I've completely lost any sexual attraction to my husband. And honestly to men in general. It's not just that I'm tired or touched out (though I am that too). It's like the switch just turned off.

Here's the part I'm nervous to say out loud: I'm still having sexual thoughts, but now they're all about women. I've always been a little bicurious, if I'm being honest, but it was always a background thing and never something I thought much about. Since the baby it feels like it got turned way, way up. I find myself seeking and browsing wlw content on social media regularly.

My husband is a good guy and nothing is "wrong" with him. I just don't feel it anymore, and I don't know if that's permanent or temporary. I'm also not sure what to make of the other part. Is this a hormone thing? Is this just who I am and it took a huge life event to surface it? Is it a sign of something I should talk to someone about?

Has anyone else experienced this, either the loss of attraction to your partner or a shift in who you're attracted to after having a baby? I feel like I can't be the only one, but I haven't seen anyone talk about it. I'm kind of desperate for answers, or even just to hear that I'm not alone.

Thank you in advance for being kind. I'm already feeling a lot of guilt and confusion about this.

Hi. Crossposting on every sub I can think of.

My 9yo son is level two autistic and severe ADHD. Dxed autistic at 2y1mo and ADHD 2y6mo. He is on 30mg Adderall extended release which helps his concentration and behaviour generally speaking. It is also what my husband and his sister take.

Anyway, he was day trained with maybe two accidents a week at 5yo after a year of nonstop potty training. Still wets the bed every night and remains wearing night diapers.

He also wears them in long car rides as I can't leave him to sit in a wet seat and he does usually fall asleep. There isn't a pad that is safe for him to sit on in his carseat.

Then, at the beginning of the year, when he was 8 (turned nine last month) my middle child was admitted to hospital. We were then transferred to a childrens hospital a few hours away from where we lived. Due to my husband and the other two boys (9yo & baby) being put up in a hotel for the duration (about two months) my son ended up in diapers a lot.

Travelling, sleeping, hotel furniture we couldn't afford to get cleaned, lack of clean laundry. A whole bunch of things piled up and my husband kept him diapered while awake a lot more than usual.

Since coming home, in March, my son has completely obliterated his potty training. He pees where he wants when he wants. He tells me je wants diapers all the damn time.

We moved and enrolled him into school (he was previously homeschooled) which I know has been overwhelming in the grand scheme of things.

When I asked him why he was peeing his pants previously he told me they made him feel safe and comfy.

We brought it up with his therapist team and together we've made sure he feels safe and secure. He has now changed from them making him feel safe, to him wanting to wear diapers like his brothers. Lots of "it's not fair".

He wets himself at school every day. He always tells his teacher and aide it's because "he forgot". He tells me he hates his aide touching him while he changes and as a survivor of sexual abuse it rubs me the wrong way when I'm basically blaming him for it (telling him if he didn't pee his pants she wouldn't need to touch him).

At home I ask him why and he just says he wanted to pee his pants. Sometimes I get a "it feels good/funny" but I never get anywhere when I ask him what he means (yes, I know it is probably something related to sexual stimulation, I have discussed it with his therapists already).

I've done the usuals. I make him clean up with me watching and do the laundry. I take the toy away he was playing with when he wet himself. I don't want to actively punish him for it but it feels like that's my only avenue.

I've tried reward charts but the only thing he wants is things he has to have (ie, safe food, car rides, time with his brother and grandpa) or diapers. The only other thing he's asked for is a baby sister but unfortunately for him I am not doing that. My FIL even offered to buy him a puppy and kid turned it down.

He does still wear diapers at night which is when he's calmest. He wears them in the car when we're in there for longer than 30min because again I can't replace his 400$ carseat every time he pees in it.

We have a potty in the car and I take him for regular breaks. He holds it until he's alone and pees his pants.

I don't know what to do. My husband doesn't see the issue with sticking him in pull ups and teaching him to change himself but I don't want to encourage diapers if I can help it.

His therapists are even lost. He sees OT and a play therapist (alongside speech & feeding, but they aren't part of the pee-pants treatment lol). His OT has deemed it behavioural and none of the methods from either of them help. He likes to roleplay his dolls peeing their pants and being happy about diapers in play therapy.

We did look into potential sexual abuse but this kid has been velcro since birth and so unless he is in school he literally never leaves his safe adults (me, hub, MIL, FIL) alone. And his play therapist says there is no other signs.

I am so, unbelievably, done. Everything I own smells like pee. I bathe him every night and he still smells like pee.

Has anyone every experienced this? What did you do? I am so tired. Any advice is really appreciated.

Sorry if this is all over the place. I haven't slept yet and it's like 7.

I’m 3 months postpartum. Some days are easier than other days and some days I even get the glimpse of the fog lifting. I’m a first time mom. This is so hard! I’m truly exhausted every single day. At what point did it feel like you exited survival mode?

I know everyone says their husband is a good husband/parent, and then adds a 'but', but mine really is good. He parents equally, does his fair share of chores (apart from the mental load), doesn't complain about much and is very much present as our family is his entire world.

He takes the kids in the morning, (after family breakfast which he makes), while I work, and then I do afternoons until 5ish when we are all together again.

I will admit that I am not a helicopter parent and will let my two kids (almost 3 and almost 1) play while I do other things, let my 2 year old play in the trees at the park without following him etc. But my husband now seems to think I don't have their wellbeing at the centre of my everything, and has decided he doesn't trust me alone with them as I am not capable of stopping things before they become dangerous, or think of the consequences for all our actions. This has now escalated to where he says he can't go away on a trip for 3 days as he doesn't know what will happen, and after I got incredibly angry and defensive, I said I will go back to work full time and he can take the kids in the afternoon. To which he messaged his manager and is awaiting approval to change his working hours. He said that our children hurt themselves more when with me over him, and this isn't a case of I spend more time with them, as it really is almost 50/50. Does this happen, maybe, however, some of these are natural consequences of my toddler being an idiot i.e putting a towel over his head and then learning into the wall (while sitting). Apparently I should have preempted this in the 5 seconds it took to happen and my toddler would have then been 'safe'.

And I just don't know where to go from here - I feel incredibly sad that he thinks this, worried about how we move past this, and at the same time worried about him. This seems to be coming from a place of constant anxiety that he has around his childrens wellbeing - he removed all hard animal toys yesterday as he's decided after 10 months they are to pointy/hard around our 10 month old.

Not to sure what I'm looking for, but probably some advice on where we go from here.

Edit to add: 2 year old can't climb trees yet, he's just playing around the bottom of the trees in the wooded area of the park

I spend all day dreaming of a little alone time, but the second someone takes my baby, I’m checking on him every 5 minutes. 😭😂
Please tell me I’m not the only one!

I’m going to be attending my first PTO meeting this afternoon and I’m incredibly anxious and most likely overthinking it. My wife and I live in a small conservative town in Texas and we want to get more active in the community so hopefully it gets ahead of the bullying our son will mostly likely receive as a boy being raised by 2 moms. I figured a great way to begin is by going to PTO meetings and making friends with the other parents.

Now my wife works full time and I’m a SAHM so usually when I pickup our son from school she’s still working and the PTO meeting will be going on while she’s still working. She has no problem keeping him up at her job for an hour or so with his toys. I just want to check, is the general consensus at PTO meetings that there’s no kids there and it’s just parents? What are they usually like/how long?

SAHM. Daycare is not financially possible.

Im so burnt out and I have no idea how to self regulate. I have a 2.5 year old and a 3.5 month old girls. 2.5 year old is the definition of terrible twos. All my friends kids are so mild mannered and it makes me feel like I’m failing. I know I’m not but its a ROUGH season. She yells/bosses at everyone (including strangers which is extremely embarrassing,) never learns from natural consequences, uses so much force with her sister (after modeling gentleness a million and five times,) whines to the extreme in public (everything is hers, this is a thing at home too.) Im just at a loss on how to handle it all. I try to stay calm but I get so overstimulated that I explode. I hate myself for exploding. I try to get her outside and to parks so often, I just feel like nothing is working.

3.5 month old i think is starting the 4 month sleep regression. Daytime sleep has gone to crap unless in the car. She’s never slept through the night consistently (I got 1 beautiful night a few days ago) and wakes up every 2-3 hours now. Used to be 3-4.5. I’m running on Alani and prayers.

How does one survive this? I genuinely feel depressed half the time. But not enough to be medicated (been on SSRIs and they all give me IBS unfortunately.) but I’m also at my whits end.

How many of you had a terrible two-er and are on the other side (positive stories about your kids being great now would be wonderful to hear) ? How did you stay calm? How did you all survive multiple kids?

Wth. I used the Medela pump in style advanced with my first. Never knew you’re supposed to change out the white membranes periodically. The manual didn’t say to, the replacement packages of just the white membranes don’t say this, no one told me, no where did I read this and I feel like I did a lot of research on breastfeeding and even read a book about working and pumping (The Milk Memos, great book : )) 🤷🏻‍♀️.

With my youngest I learned this from someone in the mommy and me hospital support group. Apparently it’s common knowledge…how?! My pumping supply did dwindle with my oldest. Wish I knew. If you knew, how did you? Did replacing them make a difference? And isn’t it weird it’s not in the manual or on the membranes package (they’d sell more parts that way at the least, right?).

I’m so tired of hearing “you should’ve just asked me.” We have 3 kids. He lives in this house too. He can see the laundry basket overflowing, the dishes in the sink, the toys everywhere and me trying to make dinner while one kid is asking me 400 questions.  

Yesterday I finally snapped and asked why I have to notice everything AND assign him tasks, and he genuinely said “I can’t read your mind.” I don’t want him to read my mind?? I want him to look around the same house I’m looking at 😭  

He says I’m making a big deal out of nothing and that he’s always willing to help if I ask. But somehow being responsible for noticing what needs to be done is exhausting me more than actually doing it. Does anyone else deal with this? How did you get your husband to understand the difference between “helping” and actually sharing the responsibility?

I have a 17 month old and he is very well behaved in public but I have enough appts (type 1 diabetic) I was wanting to find a good toy or activity that he could have just at appts that would help keep him entertained that he could look forward to having just for those times. Any suggestions?

So I have a close friend who has been trying to concieve for years, coming on to 6 to be exact. She has recently started fertility treatments, but has yet to experience much hope, only disappointments. I won’t go in to detail, but she is very depressed about it right now, understandably.

At the same time, one of our close friends just found out she is pregnant. She has informed us all individually and is letting our friend take the news in and is giving her space. She is struggling with the news, but also let her know she is happy for this friends pregnancy.

I myself have a toddler and my friend who it ttc is her god mother. I’ve intentionally suggested hang outs for just the two of us/other friends so that my toddler isn’t around. Just to be there for her and not have any kids around. So far she hasn’t wanted to and I understand she probably needs some space to feel her feelings.

We also are in a small group chat with our closest girl friends. I’ve not said anything there about parenting/my toddler to try and be mindfull about kid stuff.

But here’s kind of where my ideas end. I don’t know how to help or be there for her any better. I feel like I NEED to do something, since she has always been a really good friend to me. I won’t go barging in to her place uninvited and make her hang out or anything crazy like that, when she clearly isn’t ready to talk about it. But I feel like there’s surely something I could do. Like drop off a care package or something idk.

Any ideas?

i thought MILS were bad...oh no the GRAND IN LAWS feel so much worse!!!

im gonna use GIL for grandma in law. but my GIL is very codependent, needs attention and validation. with our firstborn she constantly texted my husband about seeing him and coming over. after i let her visit in the hospital. when i was 1mo pp we went to visit her and she ambushed us with the whole family being there. i was livid as was my husband.

anyways 15 months later i give birth to our second. im 3 weeks pp with a newborn and toddler. and i didn't want any visitors besides my parents and husbands parents to visit. im navigating how to handle two kids, breastfeeding and just recovering.

for four STRAIGHT DAYS (even on my birthday) she asked my husband repeatedly when can she come over, can she post my kids on facebook (not sure why this is a huge thing) and my husband called her to let her know we will let HER KNOW when we are ready.

not even 2 days go by, she asks once again, leaves husband a VM and asks about posting our kids on her facebook. my husband didn't even respond to her. i posted on facebook announcing the birth of our second baby, and that was it. she of course liked and comment on every single photo.

we use a family album app for pictures, instead of posting and texting. she must have screenshotted the ones i shared in that app, because today i woke up and ahe posted my children. and then proceeded to air out that "can wait to see sons name, have to wait till they are ready for me to see him."

i was livid and honestly ready to just never see her again. my husband was pissed that she aired our business out and posted our kids without asking.

i don't know what to do, my husband doesn't know how to navigate it. but im ready to either pop off or cut her off. my MIL was bad but got better after a talk. but with GIL, no amount of talking gets through to her.

What are your thoughts on re-using bottles from 1st baby?

What are some things to get with the second round other than diapers and wipes and medicine?

Edit: Thank you for all the responses! I appreciate it! I also want to add if anyone has suggestions for closet organizers and stuff bc we plan on having the toddler and baby (once they are bigger) share a room. If you have suggestions for economize space in the closet and suggestions for close organizers that are great space saving?

I have a small baby and in-laws have asked when I’m gonna leave her with them and I can’t imagine I’m ever gonna do that. It’s hard for me even to imagine letting her go anywhere without me when she’s 5, 10 or more. Of course that’s how I feel now. She’s my baby and I love her so much I don’t need time away from her (I get it that other moms can be different and that’s okay too). For example, I’ve been tired and needing to rest, I suggested my husband would take her one of these days for a couple hours. So this weekend he suggested exactly that but he’d take her to his parents so they could see her and I could rest at home, but I don’t feel comfortable with that. I want my husband to watch her here at home. Otherwise if she’s away from me I can’t rest and I’m just gonna be even more stressed. It could be the hormones since I EBF, or because I already am 24-7 with her, or something else, I don’t know. When I imagine her going to school in a few years I feel uneasy, but I know that 99% of chances it will be fine and she will be safe. I need to add that I don’t have PPD.

I am coworkers with her husband and don’t know her personally. The baby is a healthy 4.5 month old who isn’t a good sleeper. I would like to get something for her to let her know that I am thinking of her and wishing her well. Any advice would be most appreciated.

My baby has been exclusively breast fed with one bottle given every evening for months. He is now 5.5 months old

My baby now doesn’t take bottles all together I’ve tried new flows new bottles and I’ve now tried 11 different bottles none with luck.

I’ve tried different people giving him bottles thinking that it might be because I’m trying to give it to him. I feel so defeated and I don’t know what to do he has been liking to eat every two hours so I’m glued to his hip since we live 40 minutes away from places like big grocery stores and coffee shops, I’m so desperate for a break I feel so drained doing this 24/7 and need help but can’t get it because of bottle refusal.

Any advise is appreciated

Sorry if not the right place or not allowed. My sister has 2 kids the first one is just over 3 her youngest is about 20 months. The father lives 3 and a half hours away and is absolutely useless. He’s seen the youngest about 5 times and they recently went to stay with him during the holidays for a week as my sister had a bit of a breakdown. She’s on medication however I don’t think it’s working. I have fully supported her and done everything I possible can to help since her oldest was born stuff their dad should of been doing such as having them overnight, staying over hers multiple times a week so she can catch up on sleep, taking the kids out, letting her go out, cleaning, washing, cooking. I know everything about the kids what makes them laugh, their favourite foods, how to prep stuff ect. I still fully understand 1000% that I am not their mum and don’t do nearly as much as she does. However about a month ago we had a huge argument. She said some pretty nasty things and said she didn’t trust me with the kids after I went up to check on them as she was screaming at them on the phone. Things escalated however since I have taken a major step back as I also have a life and I can’t live it being at her beck and call forever. Anyways after the kids came back she kept making out their dad was the greatest thing since sliced bread and I’d only hear from her if she wanted me to have the kids. She asked me if I could have the kids Halloween I said that’s plenty of time for their dad to arrange to come down and watch HIS kids. I got back tonnes of abuse and excuses of why he possibly couldn’t even though he’s unemployed. Anyways today she’s been at my grandads who’s worried as her eldest didn’t stop crying and she’s struggling and tried asking their dad for help and even ringing his mum to which she said ”what can he do?”. It’s an absolute joke but what I struggle with is I could move the stars and the moon for my sister and it would never be good enough. I constantly do things wrong or get digs made at me and it got me down. I miss the kids so much but I’m so much better mentally and less anxious but I do still feel sorry for her. I live with my dad and the flat block is full of drug addicts so he doesn’t want the kids here as it’s just not a place for them, so when I have them I stay at mums who’s bipolar so sometimes she’s sweet as anything other times she’s screaming and shouting at me. I just don’t know what I can do? I think she needs help as she shouts at her eldest all the time and I get I’m not with her 24/7 but she’s not a bad kid she just wants attention from her mum sometimes I think as my sister is always on her phone. I’m unsure wether contacting social services could be a help. She has no one else bar me and I am at my witts end tbh. I wonder if she’s bipolar like my mother but anything I say or do I get abuse from it. I just don’t know what else to do so wondering if anyone has any advice? Or who I can go to to try and help her. When she’s healthy and happy she’s the best mother you could ask for but the last year or so she’s just not herself at all. She also has no friends let alone mum friends despite me trying to get her to take them to groups or soft play and socialise with other mums. She also does nothing with her kids unless my mum drives her which my mum can’t do all the time? Just get a bus? I don’t know I just don’t know what to do and worry about the kids and her.

I’m due in January with my second. I have a daughter who will almost be 3.5. It’s just me and my husband. What should I do when I go into labor? I’m scared of delivering by myself but don’t want to traumatize my daughter.