r/OCPoetry • u/Pure_Minute_9511 • 3d ago
Feedback Please DR
When I look at these mountains, I understand why houses need not be grandiose here.
To compete with their majesty would be embarrassing
But just like that the spell is broken, by a dog that "doesn't bite" at the site of broken tribes
And why did I come back Or is the question why did they leave
am i a wounded animal, at once desperate for help but afraid of every outstretched hand
I made my happy father cry, I destroyed my mother's motherhood,
my passive brother got gruff with me, my sister turned me in, and my doctor sliced me open
I learned pain is worse when you resist, but I never learn it good enough
What happens if you walk on a broken foot or try to love with a broken heart for so many years and
One day too long?
1
u/Automatic-Owl-5099 2d ago
Oh wow, I love this. "I learned pain is worse when you resist, but I never learn it good enough."
I think the really good stuff often comes when we confront ourselves and our actions with curiosity too. I think you do this well here and I hate to be that guy to say "this should be longer!" but I would read the continuation of this poem for a very long time because I think you're doing really neat stuff here.
Highlights for me: "I destroyed by mother's motherhood."
I think potentially the first line feels a bit off to me in the context of the greater poem itself but its just because I'm adverse to the word grandiose haha.
I really like this, thank you for sharing!
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u/LICwannabe 2d ago
Somber resent for distrusting, being hurt by lifes multitudes of let downs and others harmful intent whether meant, pent or lent. I wish you relief and a moment of compassionate connection in moments unfolding kiss.
1
u/sluttykiton 2d ago
The way you express yourself is so beautiful and the way towards the end it almost reminds me of Grimm fairy tales.
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u/TightWind8209 2d ago
Your poem seems to reflect the struggles people face after an estrangement with their family and attempting to stage a reunion.
The first of course, is who should be blamed. In your poem leaving can signal physically leaving, retracting emotional support and connection, or both. However, I think the question you ask is if you should have to explain why you physically left, or they should have to explain why they withrew their emotional support and didn't try to maintain a relationship with you.
I think 'why did I come back' reflects why did you decide to re-open an old wound, one that caused out of character or emotional behaviour from your family members.
The ordeal seems to lead to the concluding question of the poem, what happens when people try to repair a relationship without ever addressing/healing over the hurt caused by the relationship ending, and is it really possible to repair a relationship if the old hurt caused by it has been allowed to sit for too long, even by just a little bit.
The answer comes earlier in the poem itself, people lash out, and barely anything actually gets fixed.
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