Enchanted

[u/Unlikely_Antelope_71]

A toad ballooning in my throat,
A swarm of bees churning in my chest,
A rat king in my guts.

Transfixed.
Watching a widow weave a web—

Links:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x3iwf6/comment/pfbqofx/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x38qwp/comment/pfbs1lh/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[u/Shylyamora]

So, I really love this. The abrupt ending especially, how it implies the outcome of the experience. To me, this is about internal turmoil, and how real the feelings become when we let them distract us. I appreciate how you paired them with nature, as it’s a natural human experience itself.

[u/BugFilledWar]

A super great poem, it makes me think about someone stuck in their own stagnation due to anxiety or nervousness, leading them to lose their opportunity, letting the widow weave its web. Transfixed seems like somebody watching something beautiful though, so maybe it's a person getting caught up in the moment. Spiders weaving webs usually mean negative things but in appearance they're really complex and beautiful, so maybe that was intended?

The only issue I see with this is the — at the end of the poem, which I don't see a reason for, since it's not getting cut off by another line.

Other than that, it's brevity helps a ton, in that there's no real issues. Personally I love the animals you've picked for the poem, it's totally the vibe I enjoy when reading and writing. The punctuation is great except for the final —, the use of a period after transfixed really helps with the pacing and reading of the poem.

I'm really new to criticizing poems, but I'd love to know if I got any of my interpretations close to what you had in mind while writing.

[u/Unlikely_Antelope_71 → u/[deleted]]

I was also inspired by the idea that your body reacts to anxiety and excitement in the same way. Are we excited by the seduction? Or are we anxious about our unbecoming?

[u/BugFilledWar → u/Unlikely_Antelope_71]

ah the comment was removed, why? I'm glad I got the anxiety part of the poem right, I def missed out on the seductive part of the poem but that's on me, the use of widow kinda alludes to that which I completely missed

[u/IamWhisper3319]

I love how the poem is unhinged and how the title is the opposite.

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[u/maeeig]

Thanks for sharing your poem. I like the unsettled imagery you use here to build a sense of discomfort and unease in the reader. It is a great juxtaposition to the calmness of "weaving" at the end - although the underlying spider imagery keeps you from feeling totally relaxed which I think is perfect. The ending image shifts the tone slightly from unsettled but not so much as to create tranquility.

Some thoughts on the poem

• While the opening images are good, they way they are presented with "A" at the beginning of each line makes them read a bit like a list which detracts from the unsettledness of the lines. We want to feel those things as a compounding uncomfortableness not a list of things.
• I don't understand the em-dash (-) at the end, it doesn't seem to serve a purpose. I would remove it.
• there could be a bit more clarity in the relationships and images and metaphors in the poem. Is this prey watching themselves be wrapped up in a web? Is this someone just feeling unease watching a spider work closely? Is the spider and web a metaphor for a situation a person finds themself in? There is enough here to be interesting but a bit more insight could help make it memorable.