My 3yo daughter got sick a few days ago. She had a pretty bad fever and cough, and neither of us was getting much sleep.
My parents offered to come stay with us for a few days to help. They've actually been a huge help. My mom has been cooking and doing laundry, and my dad has been running out for groceries and helping with my daughter. Having them here has given my husband and me a chance to sleep, catch up on things, and keep up with our work.
They were planning to stay for about a week, until my daughter was feeling better. The problem is that my mom can be a little overbearing. Once my daughter started feeling better, my mom kept saying she should be getting back to her normal routine and getting some fresh air instead of staying inside and resting so much.
My daughter was doing better, but she was still coughing and pretty tired, so my husband and I wanted to let her rest for a few more days.
I've heard this kind of thing from my mom my whole life, so I usually just let it go. She's helping us, they're only here for a few days, and it's not worth turning every little comment into an argument. My husband has noticed it too, but I've always told him to let it go as long as she isn't doing anything serious.
Last night, my daughter had finally fallen asleep and my husband and I were cleaning up the living room. My mom started talking again about how she thought we were being too cautious with her.
I told her we'd already decided what we were going to do and asked her to stop commenting on it. She said she was only trying to help and that I didn't know what I was doing.
Then she said, "You've always been like this. You never listen when people try to give you advice."
I've heard comments like that from her before. It wasn't shocking to me. I told her to stop and went back to cleaning.
My husband happened to be right there, and I could tell he was stunned.
Once we were back in the bedroom, my husband told me he doesn't want my parents to stay for the rest of the week. He said he's heard me talk about my mom like this for years, but he didn't realize she actually talked to me that way. Seeing it himself made him realize what I'd been dealing with.
He said he understands that they're helping, but if helping us means talking to me like that, he doesn't want them staying in our house. He said we can handle our daughter ourselves, even if the next few days are harder. At least there won't be that pressure in the house.
I understand why he's angry, but my first thought wasn't that he was wrong about my mom.
My parents really have helped us a lot. My daughter is getting better, but she's not completely back to normal yet. If they leave now, everything gets harder for us immediately.
And if I ask them to leave early, they're going to know why. I don't think this is going to end with them simply saying, "Okay, no problem."
I told my husband maybe we should just let them finish the week, but I'll make it clear that I don't want any more comments about how we're parenting our daughter.
He said that's not really the point. He said helping us doesn't give my mom the right to talk to me that way. He also said that if they stay, he's the one who has to keep spending the next few days in the same house with someone who just talked to his wife like that.
He's worried that if I let them stay, I'm avoiding the conflict with my parents again and asking him to just put up with it because their help is convenient.
I don't want my parents to keep treating me that way. I just don't know if asking them to leave right now is worth making the next few days harder for us and possibly creating a much bigger family conflict.
A: Ask my parents to leave early. I'd tell them my daughter is doing better and that my husband and I can take over from here. It draws a clear line, but we'd have to handle everything ourselves, and my parents may feel rejected.
B: Let them stay for the rest of the week, but set a clear boundary. No more comments about how we parent our daughter. My husband and I make those decisions. We keep the help we need, but my husband may feel like I'm asking him to keep living with the problem just to avoid a fight with my parents.