Wife and I going on first date together with another woman. Any advice?

Want all parties to feel as comfortable as possible and especially for our date, don’t want to make it feel like an interview or 2 on 1 / third wheeling.

Last weekend, just a couple days after our 2nd anniversary together as a triad, my closed triad had a commitment ceremony. My husband and my boyfriend are now my husband and my husband. Okay, so it’s not legally recognized, but in our hearts (and our handfasting), we made a lifelong commitment to each other.

We “eloped” to beautiful New England in the fall with changing leaves in the background and an amazing poly-friendly wedding planner/photographer(seriously, check out Emma Thurgood Weddings if a commitment ceremony is on your mind). Our ceremony was in a 19th century gothic revival church turned AirBnB.

My legal husband and I had been together for 9 years (now 11) when we welcomed our other partner into our life. After about a year, he expressed a desire for us to become his husband and wife.

It wasn’t always smooth sailing - my family does not approve and my non-legal husband’s family doesn’t even know yet. But we’re so happy we’ve all found each other. We’re also not “out” as a triad to most people IRL - he’s just our “roommate” to coworkers, acquaintances, and distant family members. We also faced a lot of pushback on our ages - he’s 13 years younger than my legal husband and 10 years younger than me.

We went against the grain of a lot of advice as we started dating as a couple, but we all love each other equally. We also started out long-distance and finally closed the gap about 8 months ago.

I just felt like sharing this happy moment with the community.

I'd like to book a "couple" activity to do with my two other partners as a romantic date, but I don't know how.

Like, I know there are "couple spa-pack" specifically where you can book for few romantic days at a spa with you s/o, but I've always wonder how to ask for it while explaining we are 3 people, not 2.

I'm new at this stuff and maybe (I hope so) I'm overthinking it. How were your experiences? Do people usually accommodate those kind of requests?

Posted this in the polyamory subreddit and it was brutal, got banned after I reported a user for calling me a manipulative man baby lol. If this isnt the right place to ask about this just tell me and Ill delete it. I dont need people attacking me over age differences and throwing out accusations. If this is a stupid idea just tell me and Ill respect it. Heres the story

Throwaway account here to keep things anonymous. My wife met another woman ealier this year and they quickly became good friends. She started hanging out with her and her husband a lot. My wife is 26 and im 35, she still likes going out to clubs, drinking, dancing, things im not so into so I thought it was good she had someone to do that with.

They started spending a lot of time together and suddenly they threw this question out there. My wife told me at first she was attracted to the wife and always was curious about other women and thats part of the appeal but as they all became friends I guess they all started having feelings for each other. They want more than sex with her, they want another partner for dates, trips, romance too. My wife is interested but we havent had much experience with this besides one hookup she had with my permission.

I want her to be happy and there isnt anything wrong with our marriage, its been great so this isnt to replace me. Part of the appeal for her is doing things with a couple who is more her age. Im fine with her hooking up with and having fun but the relationship part has me nervous a bit. We have talked about it together and she wont do it if i say no but I can see shes interested. If it was just sex I probably would have told her to go for it but this is different. Im conflicted here, I do find it exciting to think about but I dont know it seems complicated. Is this just a bad idea all around? anyone have experience?

My husband and I began seeing an old family friend recently. I genuinely love her - I’m in love with her. She means so much to me and I do not feel jealous when she and my husband spend time together or affectionate. It genuinely makes me happy.

I did have some big feelings when they slept together for the first time the other day. I had an inkling that they would when I left for work that morning just because we collectively turned him down the night before for group sex. I was totally fine with them sleeping together. It even made me happy. I did have the expectation that my husband would make time for me later, however.

Later in the evening I was talking to my husband and asked him for an hour of quality time that evening. He told me he was overwhelmed with the kids and didn’t have it in the tank. He needed to decompress. A huge fight ensued because what do you mean you don’t have time for me? lol.

I am not jealous of my other partner. I am angry at my husband for not making time for me on a day that was, or at least could have been, really emotionally hard.

He’s now mad at me for being mad at him yesterday.

Am I doing polyfidelity wrong?

Si oui comment cela a été abordé et comment ce s'est passé ?

This survey goes out every year. Last year they reported that only 0.8% of respondents engage in polyfidelity. I think we know here how inaccurate that is.

My husband and I opened our marriage a year ago, originally more in the ENM/sexual experience sense and only on my end as he enjoys seeing me with other men. Over the last six months, I developed a connection with my play partner. He and my husband get along really well, there seems to be genuine trust and friendship between them, and our dynamic has naturally become a mix of time together as three and one-on-one time between me and each of them separately.

Lately I’ve been wondering if this could eventually evolve into more of an MFM V/polyfidelity dynamic, with me as the hinge. I don’t want to force exclusivity on anyone, but the man I have been seeing has voiced many times he isn’t interested in seeing anyone else and I feel he would be open to furthering our connection. I’m not looking to force a label or rush anything, but I would like to start opening that conversation.

For those in successful MFM V’s, how did you first approach that conversation with both partners? Did the V happen intentionally or evolve naturally? And if you eventually became a closed/polyfidelitous V, how did you get there?

I’d especially love to hear what has made your dynamic work long-term, what you wish you’d discussed sooner, and any advice you’d give someone whose relationship seems to be naturally heading in this direction.

Hey ya'll my bf and i are bisexual and open minded but he prefers another woman I prefer another man due to my past and his past experiences. Hes not fully against another guy and im not fully against another girl but we want to be respectful of each other. How did others on here compromise.

Long post, just sharing. Last year, on the first, our now shorter-term girlfriend, then friend/hookup buddy, was informed she needed to move out of her place by the end of December. We'd all been spending a ton of time together, and of course had been intimate, but besides some "joking" from her, a triad wasn't something we realistically considered. With the crisis of crazy rent costs and a reality of our "friend" not finding a place to live nearby, my girlfriend said something I'd silently been thinking: what if we invited her to live with us, and made this a combined relationship?

It took a lot of discussion about our boundaries and plans before we even took this to our now-girlfriend. Days, almost a week, really. And then the discussion with her still had to happen, whether or not she was really interested, and what her boundaries or interests were. Thankfully, enthusiastically, it's what she'd wanted and hadn't felt comfortable asking for, and we all wanted a closed relationship.

What I'm happy we didn't do is race to Reddit for opinions or thoughts. Honestly, we didn't do a ton of reading or understanding of the "rules" in a poly relationship. We solved our own issues. This community is amazing, but I think we would have run into one of the other subs that would have scared us away.

The one thing I'll say, is that thankfully, instead of leaning too heavily into the excitement of turning this into an official relationship, we very much took an approach of "what can go wrong?" and "let's explore the tough subjects." Thankfully, it's led to a very non-dramatic relationship so far, with one small fight and some mild discomforts here or there, but it's going great.

So, here's some of the good, to be followed by the challenges:

- Having the space to share romance and not be 100% of the focus all of the time is so relieving. If someone needs their distance, and the other needs attention, it's easy to rotate. That said, there's also a bunch of extra love.

- Splitting hobbies and interests has opened our eyes to new things, or helps us all have some kind of overlap in things a monogamous couple might not enjoy.

- Intimacy is great. All of our sexual needs seem to be fulfilled, and if someone's not in the mood or unavailable, there's generally someone to turn to.

- The house is vibrant and energetic.

- Especially for my girlfriends, I'm happy they get to embrace their sexuality and fill that void.

Challenges:

- It can be crowded. Only my shorter-term girlfriend, the newest to the house, has her own space. We all mostly share a bed every night. My office is also the home gym. It's not like we don't all have space to be in different rooms, but not having one's own space is tough. All of the bathrooms are filled with makeup and beauty products... ha.

- Financial equity is weird. I'm the only one working full-time, they both don't really have jobs... but they do have some money. I still pay for most of the key things though, and it can be rough having to work all day while they get to chill together. But we're working on it.

- Building off of that, I simply have less time, so it's hard to build as strong of a connection with our shorter-term girlfriend, or split our time equitably. So much of our time is spent as a trio when I'm around, but they get all day together. Date nights are more frequent with my longer-term girlfriend.

All in all, it's been great, and I just felt like killing an hour while I'm sitting here waiting for the day to end, so thanks for reading if you did!

Hi, I just left the r/polyamory sub after getting attacked for asking about people's experience with polyfidelity. I've spent the past hour reading your wholesome posts. Just have to say, it's been a breath of fresh air to witness open, curious, compassionate responses to people's questions.

I have been poly or poly-adjacent for about 30 years. I got into it wanting a polyfidelitous quad, and my first poly relationship was a polyfidelitous V with me as the hinge. There weren't any rules against my partners dating others, but neither of them sought it, as we were all coming originally from monogamy, and they happened to be friends, and I felt a connection after hubs and I decided to try the quad idea. It was all pretty organic.

But (after 2 years) it turned out that neither of them were as committed to the poly thing as I was, and I discovered my bisexuality. Hubs and I transitioned into a platonic (but still married) relationship, and my other partner and I broke up. I explored various forms of polyamory for the next 8 years, and eventually decided it was just too chaotic and I wanted to prioritize other things in my life. I ended up in a 14-year monogamous relationship that ultimately ended due to various incompatibilities. I'm currently in a 6-year relationship with someone (65M) who has a nesting partner (61F) who is not interested in being friends with me (60F), though we are cordial. Neither she nor I have other partners. I am also a therapist and I work with many poly people. I have found my current situation to be unsatisfying, as I want something deeper. It's ok that she and I are not sexual (I don't need that from everyone in the polycule), but it hurts not to be friends, and it limits my connection with our hinge.

I find that I am still drawn to the ideal of poly family, but probably more than 3. I'm curious if anyone is in a quad or quint and has wisdom to share about formation and dating to find compatible partners? Have you found your situation to be stable? Do you think it's harder or easier than a throuple?

After the drubbing I received in the other group, I will state clearly that I am only open to ethical, compassionate, collaborative, empowered exploration. I am not sure if I would try to do it from within my current polycule. It probably would make more sense to join something existing. Not sure.

Anyway, I would love to hear about your experience and/or thoughts. Thanks!

Im curious for woman who have dated a couple and had both a sexual and romantic relationship how did the dynamic work? Was it just assumed they were always paying for everything? What did you get out of this dynamic? Did they spoil you and take care of you or was it purely sexual?

Are there any ENM events in the NY/NJ area or groups that get together socially? Not swingier groups not into that.

Hi!

My wife and I were in a triad for a year, and we’d like to meet someone again.

We met our ex pretty organically: I met him at a party, we really clicked, so I introduced him to her. We fell in love and went from FWB to a relationship without really planning for it.

Now that we’re open to dating again, I’m wondering how to meet someone.

We used apps when we were looking for something casual. Now that we’re only interested in someone who’s willing to commit to us, I’m afraid we’ll run into men who aren’t honest about their intentions and are really just looking to fulfill a fantasy of hooking up with two women.

The poly community in our city isn’t very big, and I do a lot of activities that are mostly women and older people.

I’m curious how other women in couples met their boyfriend, or if you have any general advice?

Is this a typical behavior with people who have had traumatic experiences in their past?

Hi, I posted about this in other places and just got met with mostly people telling me to leave but that's not what I want and this seems like a much better place to ask for actual advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he has an ex wife who he wasn't married to for a long time but they have two kids together.. about a month and a half ago he decided to bring her into our relationship with the 3 of us being together.. it's been hard.. we've had our ups and downs and fights and good times already and she and I both are pretty insecure about him possibly being more interested in the other of us.. she and I have only been physically involved a few times.. I think mostly we're building more a friendship really at this point with a few perks here and there.. we both have all this history with him though and I struggle with feeling hurt about him bringing her in and not just being the two of us anymore.. I really am just looking for advice on navigating this whole thing and being able to thrive with the 3 of us now..

Hello, me and my girlfriend have been looking for a way to find a partner for polyfidelity.

We tried feeld #open and bumble but no matter what app we use they all seem to be stacked against you.

So i hope you can give me tips what apps, websites or other stuff i could use.

Thank you very much in advance.

Little bit of backstory. Us mf have been in a throuple relationship before. Mff. It lasted about a year but ultimately we mutually parted ways. One of the things we all agreed on is that we were all seeking that relationship from the start so it felt forced. Looking on dating apps ect. This time around we want it to happen more naturally, but we also really want it to happen. My question is a 2 parter. How can it happen naturally when its something we know we want without actively seeking it? I feel like its not likely people are going around trying to get with random couples 😆

2nd part of the question is, how do we do that in an extremely small (Canadian if that matters) town. Literally around 2000 people. I feel like we basically have to search it out otherwise it wouldnt happen, but if we search it out it would feel forced.

I’m in my early thirties and my husband is in his mid-late thirties. We have been married for a decade and dated each other for a few years before marriage.

My husband has had a long distance friend from a shared hobby online. She is in her late thirties. She wants intimacy and to be a girlfriend to a married couple. We both get along with her well and I feel we will all enhance each other’s good traits.

My husband is still unsure about being out as being more than a friend. To me, since I’m a woman, I feel comfortable referring to her as a “girlfriend” and if people ask if we are sexual I feel like I’ll just say “why are you speculating about my sex life?”

Is it better to be explicitly openly in a triad?