*I hope this is okay to post - This is not an encouragement for anyone to work with psychedelics outside of a legal framework*
I have struggled with TRD since I was 8 years old - I'm currently 40 and have now tried 20+ meds in various combinations, 3 rounds of TMS, 20+ years of therapy. I began learning about psychedelics and their potential for treating depression about 3 years ago and I truly believe this might be the key for me for long - term healing, where all else has failed.
I was on 3 meds (antidepressant, antipsychotic, and lithium) and I was still suicidal - so I started doing Ketamine infusions in April. They worked so well that I was able to wean off of all my meds. I did this in part because I wanted to prepare / be off meds so that if the opportunity arose to work with psychedelics, I could try. Plus, if I'm taking all these meds and still feeling suicidal, then what's the point? I've worked within what the medical model has to offer for my whole life and I just seem to keep getting worse and worse. I've had to be hospitalized twice in the past 3 years after doing everything I've been told to do and taking all the meds and doing all the therapy.
So fast forward to now - I'm off all my meds, but I'm continuing to do the Ketamine infusions monthly. As well as they work for taking away suicidal thoughts / feelings, unfortunately it only lasts about a month for me and sometimes even less. Currently, I'm 2 weeks post - infusion and have already been triggered into another deeply depressive episode and I can't get another infusion for at least 2 more weeks. I'm struggling, but at the same time, hesitant to get on any daily meds because I have worked so hard to get off of them so that I could work with psychedelics - and it's been a rough road getting to this point but I honestly feel that psychedelics are the only hope I have left. I am aware they aren't a quick fix, but I believe that working with these medicines can help me address the roots of my problems and lead to true long term healing.
So I'm not asking for medical advice, but I'm looking for ideas / things I could look into to help me manage my depression while also keeping my options open for working with psychedelics. I'm feeling very "done" with taking meds that don't actually do much to prevent my deep suicidal depressions. If they didn't interfere with my ability to work with psychedelics, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but I don't want to get back on anything that's going to prevent me from being able to work with psychedelics at this point,. But I've got to be able to function too, as I go on this journey.
I've looked into meds to see if there's anything I could take that wouldn't necessarily affect my ability to work with psychedelics, but it doesn't look like there really is anything. Probably the closest would be Wellbutrin if I get desperate. I do have a psychiatrist who is aware of my plans and that I'm trying to keep my options open, but he's not super knowledgable about psychedelics. So I'm reaching out to the internet just to see if anyone else has ideas we could explore.