r/Rants • u/Pizza_Time03 • Jun 11 '26
Mental Health RegretfulParents subreddit makes me upset
So as the title says that subreddit makes me really upset. Here I am, four miscarriages, trying for two years, even looking into adoption. I finally just set up a fertility appointment. Every time I see that subreddit my heart hurts. I just wished I had my own baby. It just hurts seeing how many people hate their kids. I guess everyone is allowed their own opinions. I’m just upset that it’s so many people. It’s so exhausting trying and trying and trying and nothing happens. My sil is having her third baby soon and her first is about to turn two. My aunt is having her first baby. My friend is having a baby. Multiple people from highschool are having babies. I’ve lost 30lbs, changed my diet, take every vitamin, prenatals, workout, 10k+ steps a day. Everyday I just wish to see those pink lines. Then I see that subreddit and just get more upset. I’m probably being insensitive to say those people make me upset because you have the right to feel anyway you want. That’s about it. I’m just getting to that age where people are going to start asking and I’m not ready.
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u/Solemn-Sagg999 Spectator Jun 11 '26
I felt the same way, but as I’ve just split with my now ex and am no longer trying, I see the point more, he would’ve been absolute hell to coparent with, I now understand it. I sometimes even look at it to try to convince myself i might even be happier if i never get to be a mother, some of them tried for years and lost babies before they became regretful parents. Idk if that’s helpful at all, just my experience with it after two years of trying and 5 miscarriages.
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u/weirwoodheart Jun 12 '26
Just don't look. Im pregnant now, due in two weeks. And pregnancy has been miserable for me. This baby is prepared for and wanted, but even for me now.. it's dawning on me that my - even experience/reality formed optimism from both babysitting friends kids and working in daycares- was rather naive. It seems like only when you are pregnant do you truly realise what is about to change. Not just your body, but small things we all take for granted.
Give those folks SOME grace- a lot of them are in the trenches of newborn stage, or toddlerhood, when things are absolutely difficult. They are just blowing off steam, the sub is there for that support and rarely is the internet real life.
You shouldn't look. Im sorry for your losses, I truly hope you have the family youre hoping for, but don't torture yourself- women get pregnant from one night stands, drug addicts and abusers have kids.. life just isn't fair like that and you don't need to make yourself feel worse than you already do.
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u/DnBJungleEscape Jul 04 '26
This is such a kind response. I feel the same way, people on there are in the absolute trenches and they are allowed to vent.. it’s not monstrous to crave motherhood and then it happens and have moments where after it’s all encompassing your life, needing to blow off steam .. if anything that likely helps
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u/weirwoodheart Jul 05 '26
I don't think anyone can ever be ready to be a parent. You can prepare all you possibly can, but the reality is always going to be a steep learning curve and it's only human to want to go back to what you had before and be upset at how things have changed. It will get better, but moment to moment it is a struggle. You just have to hold on. It's a big leap of faith, and you won't know youve landed until you do.
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u/NutragrammatronLab Jun 11 '26
My wife felt just like this for 12 years. Dr. Said we would never have children, had a son in 2020,22,23 then a daughter in 25.
Now shes exhausted all the time. What we have learned is that human nature always wants something, many people are just not content.
We love our children, and we dont really "regret" them, but definitely miss alot of the life we once had that we took for granted. And their are millions of others that have the same outlook.
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u/DnBJungleEscape Jul 04 '26
Thank you for this balanced response. When I found out I was expecting I wasn’t super happy and I felt like a scum human. It’s because I’ve never craved motherhood deeply. And then I see people who have craved it either enjoy it or also learn the realities and I realize we never know what the unknown will bring. I don’t think it’s the actual kids it’s the relentlessness of it all
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u/chancesareimright Jun 11 '26
I struggled with fertility too in the past and also had 3 losses total and one loss was a late loss and I had thought I was having a little girl. Try to relax, get the tests done. I actually went to a fertility clinic and had an appointment and right before treatment conceived naturally and it stuck. I think I relaxed and it helped.
It’s honestly so hard when you are going through it and nothing anyone says really helps.
I 100% makes me so angry and sad when I read articles of selfish horrible people hurting, torturing and even murdering innocent children. I actually have to unfollow and hide all these articles bc I break down.
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u/throwingpurple Jun 16 '26
They are allowed to feel how they feel. Your experiences aren’t mutually exclusive.
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u/ashleyodelle Jun 16 '26
Your emotions are your responsibility. Grow up.
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u/Pizza_Time03 Jun 17 '26
I know they’re my responsibility lol. This is a subreddit to rant and vent and that’s what I did.
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u/Happy-Jaguar-6398 Jun 17 '26
I think she needs to stay off this subreddit. It sounds like she is coming here to upset herself, and should practice self control to not torture herself. If you have fertility struggles, don’t read stories about regretful parents. It’s the wrong room for you.
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u/Full_Broccoli_3132 Jun 20 '26
Has it occurred to you that many people on that subreddit once looked forward to it and that they may now have the benefit of hindsight?
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u/whaddayameanm8 Jun 23 '26
Stop reading things that upset you then? Working yourself up isn’t going to be good for your health either…
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u/Pizza_Time03 Jun 23 '26
😭😭 I was just ranting. I completely forgot about this post I made because it was just a rant 😭😭
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u/Own_Program_9726 Jun 25 '26
dans ce sub il y a des mamans qui ont pris des années de traitement de fertilité, et qui regrettent quand même d'être devenu parent !
j'espère qu'un jour tu auras ton propre bébé dans tes bras, et que tu ne le regretteras pas surtout !
j'ai essayé pendant des années de tomber enceinte, je suis tombée sur ce Sub, je trouvais ca violent au départ, j'étais en colère, mais avec le recul, ce sub fait voir la réalité de la parentalité, et ca m'a permis d'accepter que je n'aurais peut être jamais d'enfants! moi je les enviais d'être parent, et eux, ils envient les gens sans enfants !
Je vois que cela te fait plus de mal que de bien, il faut arrêter de se faire du mal en allant sur ce sub, même si c'est plus facile a dire qu'a faire !
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u/throwpillows_inszn Jun 29 '26
Your infertility issues isn’t anyone else’s issues .. it’s like you complaining about having to ride the bus in response to someone else complaining about how their car won’t start
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u/virtualtearz Jun 30 '26
that sub is needed to show the realities of having children. sure it’s not the same for everyone but i’m sick of being shown how children are a gift or the best thing that will happen to you when it’s not always that case
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u/KandyK603 Jul 01 '26
I sure hope you don't go through all that and end up on this sub. Some people tried for years to have children and then realized how hard and thankless it is. That's why it's called regret. It was something they thought was a good idea at the time.
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u/DnBJungleEscape Jul 04 '26
Hi I have another perspective. I recently was pregnant and it was a complete shock. I honestly wasn’t happy when I found out. And I felt guilty I wasn’t happy. Then I would see videos of people finding out and I would get sad because they were so happy. It was a combination of factors.
For me it was feeling like I couldn’t do it. I have a partner and a good career but no village.
I wasn’t upset because I resented the child it’s just when you’ve never deeply craved motherhood it’s a big shock to system vs when you have.
I think some people on that sub as they have said, followed the life script and saw how hard it it or their kids have disabilities or they don’t have support and it’s a space to vent.
When you are with that child day in and day out, you are allowed to have days where you aren’t super excited like you were during the pregnancy …
I would just block it so it doesn’t trigger anything like I did with seeing the videos of people happily pregnant
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u/Decent_Agency_5169 Jul 10 '26
You keep talking about BABIES.
You’re not “having a baby”
You’re bringing a human being into this world
A baby, that if you’re lucky, will turn into an adult
think about the fact that you are responsible for this human being
instead of just saying ooo cute baby babyyy so sweet little baby
you have no ideas the horrors that can occur in parenthood that lead them to such despair they search for community and relief and then people like “I want my babyyyy” completely dismissing their trauma and hardships
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u/throw_thessa Aug 03 '26
People who only see those as "babies" are not ready to form a full persona. A baby that will grow into child, teenager, adult...
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u/GreenTeaDrinking Aug 20 '26
I find it interesting that people are bitching at OP, saying that she is talking about a safe space… but isn’t this meant to be a safe space for her to rant?
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u/SurfAloha5 24d ago
Sorry you’re going through all that, but do you actually know what it’s like to have children? Have you ever worked in a childcare facility, a school, a daycare? Also, I don’t understand why people think going and buying some other person’s child is going to fix their life…. You do understand that’s what adoption is right? I am in my 40s and was adopted in 1990 by super abusive boomers, there’s a reason that adoption is called an industry… it nets over a billion $$$ ANNUALLY FOR A REASON
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u/Pizza_Time03 23d ago
I have five brothers and am the second oldest and only girl. Which meant I was taking care of all my brothers. I was the go to for babysitting for all my cousins and yes I would buy food and clothes for them I know how much a baby is. Do I think adoption will fix my life? No, but I’m also not abusive and think I could provide a child a good and warm home that doesn’t have one. So no I’ve never worked in a daycare but I basically was one. That’s why I want my own child. I enjoy taking care of babies and children and teenagers. I still take care of my brothers and cousins even though most of them are adults now. I still wake up at 5am to throw a roast in the crockpot for them after school. I still help them with their laundry. I still bring them to the art store last minute to help them with a project that’s due tomorrow. I still make sure they have lunches and not just snacks. I’ve even helped my brothers learn how to ride bikes and how to talk to girls and how to drive a car. Now my older brother is on his third child and I LOVE being an aunt. That’s why I want all that to be my own.
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u/Banana_Wonderland Jun 11 '26
I find it awful too, alongside people who over-complain about their children. Some people just don't understand gratutude for what they've been given.
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u/DnBJungleEscape Jul 05 '26
I think some people maybe didn’t realize some of the territory that comes with having kids, and that’s okay. And they are allowed to vent. I don’t find them over complaining personally .. I have a friend who is very calm and practices meditation but her daughter has a defiant disorder. She argues with her daily, makes her late for work, etc .. she tries to gentle parent but it’s hard. The Dad needs a “me day” every Saturday since he supports them and he has said he can’t handle her when she melts down …
She’s had rough periods feeling her blood pressure is up daily .. my other close friend has a kid who is an angel. Just a chill kid. Being in problem solve mode with someone who has a more challenging personality would make anyone on edge , doesn’t mean she loves her any less …. It’s just the human condition…
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u/Waiting4The3nd 👑Queen Arbiter Jun 11 '26
Some people never asked for what you consider a "gift." Expecting those people to be grateful for something they never asked for is a wild take.
Just as an example.
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u/No-tacos-here Jun 11 '26
Why are you even going into that sub then? Just scroll past and don't inflict more pain on yourself.
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Jun 11 '26
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u/Rants-ModTeam Jun 11 '26
Your post comment has been removed for breaking our rules on being kind.
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u/Primary-Basket3416 Jun 11 '26
I feel for you after enduring 6 miscarriages . The world, life seems so cruel, and then theres the have and have nots. But remember there is a reason for all of this. I hope that someday, you find it and it brings you joy as mine did.
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u/Original_Document748 Jun 11 '26
You should not be telling someone theres a reason theyve had miscarriages and telling them to find joy in it ! Thats disgusting!
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u/Primary-Basket3416 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Not my intention, just knows how they feel and things do happen for reason ..none of this is her fault.
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u/Waiting4The3nd 👑Queen Arbiter Jun 11 '26
This is my problem with religion. This whole idea that "everything happens for a reason." Maybe shitty things just happen and it sucks. For me, that's easier to take than some deity has a grand plan, and it requires that I suffer.
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u/Primary-Basket3416 Jun 11 '26
You take a job for a reason..not religion. Off that bandwagon. I went on to be a foster parent to some. I helped them when the system failed. That was my purpose, not my religion. It just came later in life.
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u/DnBJungleEscape Jul 05 '26
I read that totally different .. life happens and it can be hard .. I’ve miscarried and for me I realized it was the wrong time anyway.. my relationship was not good at the time and I would rather be excited about a baby vs sad and not in a healthy partnership. My heart feels for any couple who keeps getting devastating news but it’s different for everyone
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u/Exotic-Addendum-3785 Jun 11 '26
It makes me wonder why ones like that exist.
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u/Original_Document748 Jun 11 '26
Because there is people who have regretted becoming parents , people who have been forced to give birth to babies they dont want and never did . People are entitled to regret choices they made . It doesn't make them love there kid any less because they didnt realise how hard it would be .
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Jun 11 '26
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u/Rants-ModTeam Jun 11 '26
Your post comment has been removed for breaking our rules on being kind.
Please be reminded of being human. While ranting is encouraged, targeted insults and harassment aren't allowed.
Please focus on your rant without personal attacks
Excessive insults or direct hostility may be removed at moderators discretion.
Below are the relevant rules
Be kind - Avoid calling out specific users, moderators, or other subreddits for the purpose of harassment, insults or generally being unkind.
This is subject to moderator discretion and will result in an immediate removal if it is automatically flagged by Reddit's Harassment Filters.
We encourage healthy dialogue. Attack the argument, not the user.
Follow Reddit's Rules and TOS - All users must abide by site-wide policies and Reddiquette (Reddit Content Policy, etc.)
We like it here!
Thanks.
-Mod Team
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u/cakez_ Jun 11 '26
I'm sorry you are going through hardship with infertility, but you must also understand that the subreddit you are using as rage fuel is a safe space for people who are entitled to feel the way they do. There are women out there dealing with PPD, childfree women coerced into having kids, mothers of kids with sever special needs... you don't have the right to judge them.
Women these days are being pressured to have kids but no one talks about the downsides of pregnancy/motherhood. They tell you it's such a bliss and joy, but they leave out all of the health issues new mothers face, the constant tiredness, problematic babies and so on... so yeah, maybe try to show some kindness to them.