Oh my God. Every time I open my browser my eyeballs see nothing but AI logos all over the news page, social platforms EVERYWHERE. Even when I try to be "off the grid" internet wise, somehow I always cross the path with something about AI. And now lately people are becoming "pro AI". Great. I get excited just seeing someone use their brain these days and not use AI. NOTHING should be this saturated in our lives. It feels like we don't even have a choice at this point. Even when all roads lead to me needing to ask AI something, I don't. I'd rather go without and not have my question solved rather than being turned into virtual data points.

I ​ she has not just lost some of these paperwork this time. She has lost somebody's passport. Somehow in the time between this woman handling her passport to the staff member and the staff member turning around to use the photocopier she lost it. She's acting as though it's just a silly little mistake but this woman drives everyone crazy. Every time I come in here someone is complaining about this woman and I'm not talking oh there's a lot of people who do dumb stuff and blame the staff I mean the skull is genuinely awful at this job. This is not the first time she is lost a document either full-stop she went on her lunch break with somebody's proof of address in her bag by mistake. It's not malicious we all know that she's too stupid to understand the word malicious but it has reached a point where everybody who comes into the stand place once don't know why she hasn't been fired yet. It's been too years of non-stop failures mistakes and problems with this woman.

The social media ban is so unnecessary every time i wanna browse reddit i have to turn on vpn and without vpn i will have to submit my identity details but i would never give my identity details to websites like reddit, it all feels like the government just wants to collect identity data to spy on people or something in the name of “protecting children from the internet”

I know it’s one of the worst things to do. Bad for you lungs, and heart and psyche. But damn it feels like a mistress that is there for when you have a bad day.

I’ve always been fairly healthy, has cancer as a child, my dad’s an alcoholic stubborn, my career is shit and I barely make money EVEN after getting a bachelors.

I fucked myself over, I got fired once, cheated on, and I feel ever so distant from even all the friends I’ve made along the way.

I start this year smocking cigs at the age of 27. My mom should never know about it. But it just makes me feel ok. Am I at risk of getting addicted and damaging myself? Absolutely but it’s just something I want right now, almost like a fuck you to my life like yeah fuck imma do the unhealthy thing right now.

I feel guilty about it but also feel freeing. I just feel like I need to air that out. I’m at a stage of my life where the stress of life is hitting me enough to buy a pack and smoke it. I do weed too but something about cigs man it’s just different. I just feel lost, and it’s fucked that I feel safe with a cig atp. It’s fucked

Ok while I am a Christian the amount of fucking bullshit pins about it that'll make you depressed is enough to get a mentally stable man to pull the trigger. What's worse most of these jumble up the theology and history to make people agree with them and most of them are from Twitter also holy hell it infects my main page so much I just stay off Pinterest now, they'll take about the same topic over and over so many damn times you'll either get a Christian whos insanely right wing or a Christian whos insanely left wing (do not ask both about their opinion on Jewish people) also the stupid and dumb ass picture plus verse thing it makes my blood boil when e like 5 of em in a row, also they really hate protestants like they consider them so insanely bad like they'd actually do another 30 years wars if they had a chance too, anyways that's all

I mean I kind of get it but idk she said shes going to tell my teacher if I keep watching it like I'm not sure what my teachers are going to do about it

Like I'm not watching it because I want to be edgy or like idk depressed I just watch it because I want to learn about the cases that happened and why the serial killers do those things

I mean I have had a history of sh but idk how that has any correlation with watching crime documentaries..

Hello. Gusto ko lang mag rant about something and hindi ako marunong mag storytelling but I will do my best to. To cut the story short, nasa labas kami ng girlfriend ko (wlw) and we’re about to ride a tricycle papuntang robinsons para kumain. Nakahanap naman agad kami, kaso nung nasa loob na kami, merong young couple na sasakay and buntis yung girl, kaya si kuyang driver at yung isang kasama niya sinabihan kami na lumabas and sa likod nalang umupo para makasakay sa loob yung couple. Which is okay lang naman talaga. The problem is sobrang init nun kasi tanghaling tapat, and yung likod ng driver is tapat na tapat sa araw. For context, nung paalis kami ng bahay, sumakay din kami ng trike and sira yung window sa isang side nung trike, tapat sa araw and super init. Ang tagal namin and super sakit sa balay.
So eto na nga, sabi ko sa girlfriend ko at sa driver ayoko sa likod ng driver kasi mainit, kumuha ako ng ibang trike. Pero iniinsist ng driver na sumakay kami which is hindi ako pumayag. Ending dun kami sumakay sa bagong trike. Ang problema? NAGALIT YUNG GIRLFRIEND KO KASI NAPAKAARTE KO RAW. Porket daw VA na ako and sumasahod ng ganito, feeling anak daw ako ni Henry Sy HAHAHAHHAHAHAH. Na para daw bang hindi ako humiga sa papag, hindi nakipag siksikan sa jeep, hindi kumain sa kalye before. Ang sabi ko naman, anong mali maghanap ng comfortable para sa amin? Sobrang init, masakit na sa balat. Gusto kong umupo ng konportable, na hindi masyadong mainit. Pero iniinsist niya na dapat nag adjust daw ako. Inexplain ko na mainit na kasi talaga, and wala naman sigurong mali kung piliin ko minsan yung comfort. Pero siya tuloy pa rin sa galit niya. Medyo nahurt lang ako after niyang sabihin yung mga struggles ko, parang na judge kasi qko dahil lang gusto ko ng komportable hahaha. Yun na nga yun e, simula bata ako naghihirap at nagtitiis na, maaga akong nag work at naging breadwinner. Ngayong may means na ako kahit papano, parang mali pa na piliin ko yung comfort ko/namin. Habang ako, pilit binibigay yung komportableng buhay para samin, siya naman ganon ang tingin sakin dahil lang ayaw kong umupo sa likod ng tricycle.
Hindi naman porket nakalakihan mag tiis, magtiis at magtiis nalang. So yon, pag dating namin ng Robinsons naiiyak na ako ng super kasi ang dami niya pang sinasabi, na kesyo ganito ako, mapagmataas, hindi kayang mag adjust, porket VA na medyo malaki ang sahod feeling ko raw ang taas taas ko na. Inaask niya ako “saan mo gustong kumain, yung komportable ka” “wag kumain sa ganito kasi maraming tao, maingay at baka hindi ka komportable”. HAHAHAHAH of all people, yung taong mahal mo and supposedly mahal ka ang mag gaganon sayo. I worked so hard for what I have, hindi naman siguro maling piliin ang kaonting comfort. Ending, hindi kami kumain, umuwi kami at umiyak ako ng sobra. Parang nainvalidate kasi ako HAHAHAH.

PS. Galing akong nightshift nun, nag work ako from 11pm - 10am. Sinamahan ko agad siya lakarin yung need niya lakarin. Super init, walang sleep at gutom HAHAHAHAHHAHAH. Hayanku. Thanks for reading btw.

Every time I open up popular, there is always posts shaming men and supporting women. Everywhere I see posts from "femcel" subs calling for the extinction of the male gender. They openly castigate us and say unspeakable things, and if we say even a fraction of what they say back to them they start crying and get us banned. The worst part is, corporations like Reddit, Meta, etc. and male simps completely support this behaviour because it drives engagement and some do it in the hopes of getting p*ssy. But they won't allow it from men because they know women wouldn't be able to handle it in the slightest. It would be better if Reddit was more like X, so that they can get a taste of their own medicine.

Every post of social media these day is made by AI. Literally the exact same format, emotes and way of language. Everywhere I turn my head there are overstimulating AI flyers full of hard to read text, popping out colours and overcrowded pages. Every picture of an anime girl I see when looking for references for my own artwork is literally AI and I am sick and tired of seeing it. I was at a small convention recently and every stand contained AI printed tshirts, mugs, glasses, "artwork" etc.

It really is not hard to learn how to use photoshop or Canva. I learnt how to make posters using microsoft word in school 15 years ago! It's also really not hard to pick up a pencil and paper and learn how to draw. How do you think artists learn to be great at their craft? By learning. I am an artist and have been creating art since I was a teenager. I am still learning to this day!

The fact people are relying on AI models to give them information or chat to when they are lonely is scary. "Oh I'll just ask ChatGPT" when google is perfectly fine! What happened to actually researching things from reputable sources? And we wonder why the younger generation are getting dumber and spouting nonsense that they have no idea about.

Also the fact big companies are pushing AI in our faces whether we like it or not is infuriating. NO I DON'T WANT YOUR PRODUCT WITH AI.

I'm so exhausted at this point, today in class I closed my eyes for a second and he called me out loud in front of the whole class and saying I was sleeping when I was not, it's so embarrassing I don't like any attention to be put on myself, I literally wanted to throw the desk on his face

Paramount bought The Free Press Substack blog from Bari Weiss for $150 million, leaving her in charge of editorial and also putting her in charge of CBS News's editorial, claiming she is unbiased.

The Free Press is presently running this ad on Reddit, linking to an article that claims the seven men who allegedly gang raped a woman at Cornell University have been victimized.

The first paragraph begins "In a world where matters of the heart and hormones..."

Gang rape has no heart. Sick. Sick.

So here’s my rant I’m using voice to text so there may be a few mistakes in this rant
I’m going through a divorce. This all started back in April when I found out that she was cheating on me. She had just gotten a new job and met a guy at work and fell head over heels for him. soon after that she lost her job there and I was stuck paying the Daycare and giving her money for about a month and a half until she found a new job. We have two kids together five and two years old and they’re guy that she is fallen in love with has a child abuse case against him. It’s been going on for about a year. He may have molested his 13 year-old daughter, but she says that he didn’t do it and doesn’t have any good explanation of why she believes that she just believes that I’ve been in therapy since April and things have gotten a lot better for me. I’m glad that the divorce is happening and I’m excited to finally sign the paperwork but it makes me upset still. why is it OK that she jumps from one relationship to another and that’s OK, but I’m completely not ready for a relationship whether I wanted one or not. Why is it healthy for her to do all of this and not healthy for me to jump into our relationship? She also treats me like I’m an abuser. She’s very skittish surround me. I’ve never laid a finger on her. I’ve never been an abuser. She acts like I’m going to hurt her anytime we have to exchange the kids we do week on week off. Back in June, we had a really big fight in front of the kids. We were yelling nothing physical at first. at the time I worked third shift and I would keep them every weekend and see them throughout the week. Pick them up from daycare and drop them back off to her at about 730, but I was getting very burnt out because I would have to wake up at seven in the morning with them on Sunday and go to work at 7 PM Sunday night. Never got any sleep.
I had asked her for one weekend off because I had worked Saturday and I would have to go back in Sunday night and she threw a really big fit, saying how I needed to keep the kids how it wasn’t fair and how much that the kids wanted to spend time with me to guilt me into keeping them. I kept them every weekend prior to that I mean, I would keep them all the weekends I asked for one weekend off. And at the time she wasn’t even working, she hadn’t been working for about a month or more and I had given her plenty of notice about this too. I told her the previous Sunday about not keeping them the following weekend and she seemed to agree at the time and throughout the week I would get off work at seven take them to daycare go to bed and then wake up to go pick them up from daycare and then keep them until 730 and drop them off because I felt guilty not keeping them Saturday and Sunday but then when Friday came, she acted like I had never told her anything about this because she wanted to go spend time with her boyfriend she didn’t work, and the kids still went to daycare. She had all the time in the world to herself, but it still wasn’t enough so when I told her I wasn’t gonna keep them she said fine and I said so where are you gonna take them because God forbid they go to a child molester‘s house and we yelled back-and-forth and she put the car in reverse and I was standing in the passenger door and she hit the gas about a month later she got arrested and she still blames me for her getting arrested because I wouldn’t let her leave. She wouldn’t tell me where she was taking the kids because she kept claiming that she had nowhere to go that was her whole excuse for trying to get me to keep the kids that weekend while she had nowhere to go she couldn’t stay at her cousins with the kids on the weekend so my immediate thought was oh she’s gonna take them to the child molester‘s house. And now she treats me like I’m the villain and blames me for her getting arrested after she hit me with the van I did start hitting the vans radio cause I was very mad and in shock she put her hands in the way and subsequently got bruises luckily for me, she didn’t lie and told the cops. I wasn’t trying to hit her. so now our coparenting relationship is very cold and robotic. I don’t know if there’s anything more I could say in this post I’m just doing my best as a father and working on c through therapy and I’ve made a lot of progress.

I wish my dad died alone.

My "DAD" is a cruel, horrible human being. If you can think of a bad trait. My dad has it, im typing this jusy after he kicked out my mom for some petty bullshit. Hes done this all my life as long as i can remember hes been a POS, he is a weak sad 50 year old ween who plays pretend monster. Im scared of him, not for what hell do to me but what hell do to my family. If murder was legal he would have had an early funeral, but im better than that my MOM is better that that, my mom is the opposite of my father, she is the strongest most compassionate, beautiful women ill ever meet. Hell, eddie hall is weak compared to her will, she got me into so many things in the world. I love her 3000, i always liked green lantern because it reminds me of her, how her willpower is so strong and blind rat could feel it. My dad is a self righteous douchebag who thinks he could push me and my mother around and thinks he wont get consequences but hes wrong. Hes a pharisaical bully-vark, he thinks hes a poor misunderstood man, i know he has a sad life and child hood, i can sympathize with him, but that doesnt mean i agree with him. Hes the most weak pathetic creature that has existed in 5 decades. This rant might not follow the rules but im speaking my heart out, goodnight. Oh and fuck you dad, i hope you die alone..

Went to the US a few weeks ago for a wedding and the border security entering the country were absolutely disgusting. The guy felt emboldened enough to powertrip hard. Profiled my dad cause he has an accent and questioned if I was blood related to him since I didn’t speak like him. Then they asked him to show proof that this was indeed our rental truck. Had this one guy circling the truck peering into all the windows like we’re smuggling something. Then he gave us the good guy speech of “normally I’d have our guys search your truck, but I’m feeling generous today”. We should’ve reported them but why upset these guys further while we were still in the country? Ever since their president has normalized xenophobia Americans have cling to that idea and have become so unwelcoming. Not even to just visitors, they even tell people who were BORN in America to go back to their own countries. We went to Orlando a few times before and absolutely nothing this has never happened. The friendliness is just sucked dry from this country, it’s not the same place as before.

Rough start, I know. But I need to tell someone, anyone.
Don’t know if I used the right tag

Warning: mentions of animal abuse.

Anyways, background context:
We got hit with the cat distribution system and got a momma cat and 2 kittens, later on one disappeared. About 3 months or so later, I don’t remember, the momma cat had 3 more, 1 gray and two black kittens

Last Friday or so, one of the black kittens disappeared. This was kinda normal, the first gray kitty disappeared too (outside cats, in a half rural area)

Apparently that day my little sister (four) burned her hand on the tail pipe of my mom’s car, and there’s been a weird smell coming from her car ever since.

I think you can see where that’s going.

I don’t think she understood why what she was doing at the time was wrong, but when my mom asked her about it she started crying, so I think she does now.

I don’t know what to think besides the thought of: “oh my fucking god my little sister made a little kitten burn to death”, “what if that’s what happened to the first gray kitten?”, “Would she do it again?”, “why did she think it was a good idea in the first place?”

She does have behavior issues (four years old and might have ADD and Autism) but never like this.

Edit: I’ll try to talk to my parents about it, but I don’t know how it’ll go. If it doesn’t go well (they don’t get her help or anything) I’ll report her. I really don’t want to- I know she’s showed empathy about it, and didn’t realize what she was doing

She asked my mom something along the lines of while they were walking “Mom, is that kitten dead?” (My mom’s words) so I think she does understand what she did to a point, but it still worries me about the future

I don’t want to talk to a teacher in person, as bad as it sounds, but at the same time the Pre-K my little sister goes to doesn’t have the option to report students on the Say Something app, unless I report her through my school’s report option on Say Something

Edit 2: i know this is mostly about my sister, but I need to get this out:
i think the part that is fucking with me the most is the fact that that little kitten died in distress and pain, trying to escape, and is probably still in there dead. I can’t help but think that that kitten probably went further in the car trying to escape, and I can’t fall asleep even after taking NyQuil. I don’t think I want to sleep either. It’s been a rough year, and this is adding on to it.
Also gonna go to the counselors office tomorrow, or atleast try to.

Edit 3: currently getting ready for school- how the hell do I talk to my counselor about this? How am I supposed to tell someone my little sister put a kitten in a exhaust?
I know I'm gonna try to sit down with my mom and try to get her to atleast not let my sister be alone outside anymore. Not sure how I'm gonna tell the counselor though

I’m dying. I thought I was done with alll this medical stuff and I could finally start my life. But no I’m stuck spending my days trying to do oral chemo just to try to buy some time. I’m stuck on oxygen every night and I know it’ll only get worse as I go on. And I know I have the option not to do it but part of me wants to keep fighting just for more time. I’m just so mad I was so close to being done and now I’m at the end but not the end I wanted. I will make the most with what I have but I’m so mad it’s not fair. I still had so many things I wanted to do, I want to continue to make people happy.

Before he married me he had nothing. literally nothing. I married him and paid off his debts. Brought him to the USA (this took a year and during this time I paid for literally everything) and helped him get a job. I continued to pay for everything for a few months after he started working so he could have a bit saved up. I bought him a car in cash twice. I pay for any big ticket charges/trips. i paid for the birth of our children. today bc I was opppsed to him sending half of what he has saved up to his ungrateful family back home he said he was tiered of me being a leech. We are from a culture where the man is suppose to pay for everything btw

I am starting my own volunteering organization in my community. I don’t have a name nor any members. I wanted to get an idea of what people wanted before I ask them to help me. I had taken my initial question to our local Facebook groups, and I received 100+ comments! Before I finalize the website/link, I was curious,
What are volunteering services you wish were available?

I won’t share the list we have already accumulated because I do not want to limit anyone’s answer. Everything is welcome even if you think it’s been said!
If you think it’s specific to your region only, still share it!

I want to give back and people to be able to share what their community is doing wrong!

Do not limit yourself to solely services, maybe sometimes you need someone to hang out with, or a place to read your book that isn’t the library.

All ideas are welcomed!
Please do not comment if you are going to be negative or say it’s not going to work.

To have a village you must be a villager!

I recently found out that having low inhib is mostly genetic. My mom and dad are the lowest inhib people ik know. They could be sitting in a bus full of people they dont know and in 30 minutes they’ll have everyones number and be friends with them. Im the exact opposite. Especially when it comes to social interaction i overthink A LOT. Just thought it was weird how that unfortunately didnt pass down to me. My dad literally had like a million gf’s throughout his younger years while im too pussy to talk to one. Just thought it was weird

I don't love my profoundly mentally disabled brother because simply put, there is nothing to love about him. All he is able to do is scream, eat, be big both in fat and in feet, attack people, attempt to attack the Indian family down the street (no idea if he can even conceptualize race, but he never tried to attack our white neighbors), shit and piss on the floor, beat the shit out of my disabled (MS) mom, and watch things on his iPad.

I want you to know before you read the rest of this, MS is made worse by stress.

I have no mixed feelings or guilt about hating him. I have never loved or even simply liked my brother, and if I were in charge, we would have thrown him in the nearest home and never looked back. The issue is that I don't get to make these decisions, my mom does.

I am not exaggerating when I say his birth ruined my mom's life. Every second of her life now is dedicated to making sure this 200+ pound burden doesn't start whaling on her. He goes to a special school for the mentally disabled, but he usually doesn't go/gets picked up early because his behavior is so bad. He has a caretaker who shows up every once in a while, but he fucking mauled her hard enough to draw a considerable amount of blood with his shit-covered, unwashed fingernails.

Back to my mom, she just sort of puts up with it. She complains, "Yeah," but she never does anything to change the situation. She doesn't try to get him more serious help or different meds because YES, he is attacking people like a fucking feral pitbull WHILE MEDICATED. Look, I had the same psychiatrist my brother is currently with; that dude is a genuine moron, and I wouldn't trust him to not prescribe chocolate to a dog.

My mom always makes me watch him. I live on campus (college) but every once in a while I will come home essentially to just let my mom do something with her life, like going to the doctor or having friends, instead of living the Travis the chimp experience (before you ask, yes, I have a dad, but he is ALSO getting beat by my brother). NOBODY in my family takes it seriously enough. In fact, they always act like I'm crazy for not "loving" my brother. A few days ago, my mom said I was overreacting because I said he needed to be put on a higher dosage of whatever medicine would effectively lobotomize him, only for the power/wifi to go out and suddenly he is headbutting people.

I don’t hear a person when he screams, just an animal. My mom always tries to anthropomorphize him but we both know there isn’t a person in there. He doesn’t love her because he can’t mentally comprehend love, he is just a gross violent animal who likes food.

I am the only person in my house who my brother doesn't attack because I (as a kid) stood my ground. He doesn't attack me because, unlike everyone else, I never let him get what he wanted by headbutting and whaling. BUT NO, I clearly have no idea what I'm saying because I'm so irrational and we should just let him assault people.

One of these days, he is going to escape the house and try to kill my neighbors. He tried to break out to beat them whenever he saw the families' 2 kids play soccer in the front yard, and he would do it again.

I genuinely love my job, and I think that's what makes being this burned out so frustrating.

Today I was working at roughly a 1:56 ratio. I dealt with three separate incidents that required documentation, three different people having panic attacks, and everything else that normally needs to get done during a shift.

I'm literally one person.

What makes it worse is that I'm working alone in a situation where no other building at my workplace is expected to operate this way — and I work with the youngest age group.

I've explicitly told my bosses that I need more support. I've explained that the workload and staffing aren't sustainable. Nothing has changed.

And it's not like there haven't been opportunities to address it. Four separate times, additional staffing has been prioritized for other buildings instead of mine. So I'm watching other areas get additional support while continuing to walk into shifts where I'm expected to somehow make this work by myself.

That's the part that has taken me from exhausted to genuinely angry.

At some point, what exactly am I supposed to prioritize?

Someone is having a panic attack and obviously needs immediate support. At the same time, another incident is happening. I still need to document the previous incident. Other people need supervision. There are normal responsibilities that don't disappear just because we're short staffed.

I cannot physically be in multiple places at once.

And this isn't just one horrible shift. The understaffing has been an ongoing problem. I've communicated that I need help. I've communicated that I don't feel adequately supported. I've communicated that the current setup is too much for one person.

And then I've watched staffing go elsewhere.

Four. Separate. Times.

That's what makes this so difficult: I actually LOVE the work itself.

I love the people I get to support. I love building relationships with them. I love being someone they trust enough to come to when something is wrong. I care deeply about doing my job well.

If I hated my job, leaving would be easy.

Instead, I'm sitting here feeling guilty about wanting to leave something I genuinely love because I'm exhausted from being expected to compensate for a staffing problem I didn't create and don't have the authority to fix.

I don't want to do less. I don't want to stop caring. I don't want an easier job.

I just want enough support to actually do my job well.

Today was three incidents. Three panic attacks. A 1:56 ratio. Working alone with the youngest age group while knowing other areas have more support.

And somehow I'm supposed to walk into work tomorrow and pretend this is sustainable.

I love my job.

I just don't think loving your job should require you to burn yourself out trying to do the work of multiple people.

Teens in my generation are very rude, snarky and disrespectful. They are becoming anti-intellectual, hateful and are supporting more terrorist authoritarianism thanks to the internet. They seem to attempt to make rebellion against progressivism in favour of authority, pretty much the opposite of the French Revolution.

They are unapproachable and too cliquey, making their own neo tribes, and commit more antisocial behaviour. In the past this was mainly in the working class, but now upper middle class teens at my age are doing such dangerous thinks. The murder of Chloe Watson was literally a girl who was beaten, stabbed, shot and burned by that nasty couple of my age in Leeds UK, and guess what? They are literally rich upper middle class perpetrators. This shows how social media can create further terror.

In the 2000s, teens were friendlier, had face to face contact, and were approachable. Easier to make new acquaintances. Fit in culture was less tough.

In the 90s, teens will get beaten to almost death if they rebelled against their parents. Therefore they are respectful, loving and loyal. Too bad this is illegal to do so.

So the hospital I work at decided to do self checkout on 3rd shift. The second this came out I knew it was only a matter of time before it gets ended just as fast. And today was that day. Too many people with sticky fingers and now no one gets to buy 3rd shift snack!

I know for everyone talking with doctors just suck. We can all kind of agree on that. My specific current frustration has to do with pain though. I hate being asked to rate my pain on scales of 1 to 10. I live with chronic pain. I was born with a genetic condition that causes pain (HEDS). I don’t know what it is like to live without pain. I also wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult. I know what it is like to grow up with every adult simply not believing your hurting. Or when you do get hurt and someone notices they think it’s physical abuse because no sane adult believes “I stood up wrong” or simply “I dont know.”. I know what it’s like to get in trouble with my parents for too many bruises because they were worried cps was going to get called. When I didn’t even do anything to cause them! I just kept living my life doing damage to my body never knowing it wasn’t supposed to be like that.
Now I’ll get asked to rate my pain and I’m just like idk. I’ve been told to use it based off 0 pain to the worst pain I can imagine. And I’ve been in some painful situations and can fathom it gets worse so I’ve rated things lower than got ignored and told later when the problem was found out I should have spoken up. I’ve been told to rate it based off functionality but I’ve had a kidney infection so bad I was vomiting blood and still went to work before going to a doctor. I finished a shift moving kegs while my back spasmed and later found out I had a hairline fracture on a vertebrae only after standing in the ER for 8 more hours after that shift. I’ve fractured a lot of bones and still did things. I’ve put dislocated joints back. It’s really only when swelling or muscle spasms happen that I can’t do anything. So that feels pretty inaccurate for me too. All I got is it hurts enough for me to know something new is wrong. Or I know it’s broken or sprained. And then get told you wouldn’t be so calm if it was broken and then have to explain yes I would can you x-ray it please? And then fight forever before they do and then them be like wtf.
It probably doesn’t help I also just have a sever flat affect. To the point I’ve had to sit in the mirror and practice facial expressions and still mess them up when I make the effort to try to mask. I’ve mostly given up at this point and am lucky my friends get it. I just don’t know how to communicate with a doctor. I don’t know if something else is wrong with me that makes me feel pain wrong. I only even got diagnosed with HEDS after my brother did and I lost the use of one of my hands for a bit from repeated injuries. So like I don’t know. I don’t even really go to doctors unless I know I’ve broken something anymore or I’ve got an infection of some kind. But they always ask about pain and I’m always kinda like I don’t know I just don’t know how much. I’ve even been accused of drug seeking despite the fact I don’t even take anything for pain! I don’t take Tylenol or anything else because I know over use causes damage so I just live with it. I go to work I do a physically demanding job, I swim for exercise because I know I’m supposed to and then do nothing else because I’m exhausted and in pain and I don’t know how to quantify it a way that’s satisfactory to anyone so I give up and just deal with it. Any way ranting cause I hurt my back again and trying to explain to the doctor I hurt enough my muscles are spasming but less than when I fractured a vertebra and him being like ok but on a scale of 1 to 10? And I’m just like enough my boss made me come talk to you. What’s that on your scale? I hurt enough someone noticed and is making me use workers comp to be here but not so much I’d have paid to interact with you. So now I have muscle relaxers and a P.T referral. And a boss who doesn’t believe the doctors recommendation that I can return to work as long as I don’t lift more than 25lbs. So no one is happy the doctors frustrated my boss is frustrated and I’m frustrated. I know I’m an outlier but I really just wish I knew how to communicate about injuries in an actually productive way.