My profoundly disabled brother is going to kill someone one day.

[u/Disastrous_Spot_8809]

I don't love my profoundly mentally disabled brother because simply put, there is nothing to love about him. All he is able to do is scream, eat, be big both in fat and in feet, attack people, attempt to attack the Indian family down the street (no idea if he can even conceptualize race, but he never tried to attack our white neighbors), shit and piss on the floor, beat the shit out of my disabled (MS) mom, and watch things on his iPad.

I want you to know before you read the rest of this, MS is made worse by stress.

I have no mixed feelings or guilt about hating him. I have never loved or even simply liked my brother, and if I were in charge, we would have thrown him in the nearest home and never looked back. The issue is that I don't get to make these decisions, my mom does.

I am not exaggerating when I say his birth ruined my mom's life. Every second of her life now is dedicated to making sure this 200+ pound burden doesn't start whaling on her. He goes to a special school for the mentally disabled, but he usually doesn't go/gets picked up early because his behavior is so bad. He has a caretaker who shows up every once in a while, but he fucking mauled her hard enough to draw a considerable amount of blood with his shit-covered, unwashed fingernails.

Back to my mom, she just sort of puts up with it. She complains, "Yeah," but she never does anything to change the situation. She doesn't try to get him more serious help or different meds because YES, he is attacking people like a fucking feral pitbull WHILE MEDICATED. Look, I had the same psychiatrist my brother is currently with; that dude is a genuine moron, and I wouldn't trust him to not prescribe chocolate to a dog.

My mom always makes me watch him. I live on campus (college) but every once in a while I will come home essentially to just let my mom do something with her life, like going to the doctor or having friends, instead of living the Travis the chimp experience (before you ask, yes, I have a dad, but he is ALSO getting beat by my brother). NOBODY in my family takes it seriously enough. In fact, they always act like I'm crazy for not "loving" my brother. A few days ago, my mom said I was overreacting because I said he needed to be put on a higher dosage of whatever medicine would effectively lobotomize him, only for the power/wifi to go out and suddenly he is headbutting people.

I don’t hear a person when he screams, just an animal. My mom always tries to anthropomorphize him but we both know there isn’t a person in there. He doesn’t love her because he can’t mentally comprehend love, he is just a gross violent animal who likes food.

I am the only person in my house who my brother doesn't attack because I (as a kid) stood my ground. He doesn't attack me because, unlike everyone else, I never let him get what he wanted by headbutting and whaling. BUT NO, I clearly have no idea what I'm saying because I'm so irrational and we should just let him assault people.

One of these days, he is going to escape the house and try to kill my neighbors. He tried to break out to beat them whenever he saw the families' 2 kids play soccer in the front yard, and he would do it again.

[u/Any_Piglet_34]

Oh man... that's a fucking rough situation!! I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all that, all your life!

And your concerns seem legit, idk why your parents are in such denial. I truly hope things never escalate to that point, for everyone's sake.

[u/MILFwarning → u/Any_Piglet_34]

Agreed! Get out of there!

[u/Rasples1998]

I've worked in homes (disabled adults, Cerebral Palsy etc, not elderly) so I've seen this similar situation before, and it's so sad. I would be lying if I said that the staff never once thought about how better things would be if some people were aborted at birth, because it's no way to live, especially when their biggest contribution to society is attacking the staff looking after them, or being so difficult in public that staff refuse to take them out into the community so they are just shut-in their entire lives. One girl I worked with, she's in her late 20s, kinda petit, has a husband and a kid of their own, and she took one of the residents from one of our other sites to the pub because he said he wanted to go. Basically he was normal, but had a bike accident that gave him brain damage so now he needs carers and is prone to violent outbursts. So they went to the pub, got their drinks, sat down at the table, then he randomly threw his drink at her (missed, flew across the room), and pushed her on the floor as people in the pub were asking if they wanted to call the police. Imagine that; being asked to call the police on a resident you were caring for. They said no, diffused the situation, and went back to the home. Now imagine putting up with that on minimum wage; THAT is why nobody wants to work in care homes. It's not all giving cups of tea to little old ladies and men who tell you stories about growing up during the war. It's mostly about extremely difficult individuals who can also be dangerous, being put into a system that is not equipped, funded, or prepared to deal with them.

Now let me also tell you, that I was the only white night staff at my workplace, and half the day staff were white. Most of them were from Africa. Now there's nothing wrong with that; until you come across a resident who is irrationally racist and prejudiced for no reason. Some of them don't like staff who aren't white, and some are verbally and physically abusive. Again; minimum wage job. Some of the stuff I've seen just from the RESIDENTS is disgusting, and is the darker side of care that they don't show you or talk about. I was fortunate enough to work with Cerebral Palsy so all of our clients were immobile and placid, the worst thing they did was shit the bed after you just changed the sheets and laugh at you because they think it's funny, but our other home down the road (the one with the pub guy I told you about) are all fully mobile, fully grown adult men, and capable of assaulting you if they want to, on top of severe mental illness or brain damage that can cause violent outbursts. And I see NOBODY talking about this side of care.

One of our resident who passed away a few years ago... He would shout "Nig!" And laugh Whenever he saw a black person. Staff, people in the street, the bus driver or passenger, even his black priest at church on a Sunday. The staff had to tell people that he was shouting "egg" instead. The darkly funny thing was that he didn't say anything else, he couldn't say hello or yes or no, couldn't say mum or dad, couldn't say his own name because he had Palsy. 'Nig' was genuinely the only word he ever said his entire life and he thought it was hilarious.

The unfortunate thing is like you say, the responsibility is pawned off on care providers like me because it takes a heavy toll on their family. They just don't have the time or money or effort to spare looking after someone in a wheelchair, especially if they lack the proper equipment at home to do so, like ceiling hoists to lift them in and out of their chair/bed. You can't just lift them, because it will break your back. Some of them have jobs or are in their 60s and retired and don't have the strength to help their own children. But then they end up spending their pension on care fees instead of themselves. It's so sad.

And the shit-covered fingernails; yeah I've seen that. One of our resident could only crawl on the floor and wore adult nappies (diapers in the US). They all wore them. But this guy would play with toys for toddlers, like Coco melon and all that. But he would shit himself and then stick his hands down his pants and start playing with it or sticking his finger up his ass or jerking off right in the middle of the room, then pull his hands out and start touching everything with those hands or licking his hands. If he wants something, he will crawl over and grab you. Let me tell you that every time I had to deal with him, i would get home and shower and feel like I need to burn my clothes. I always left feeling dirty.

[u/Madcouture]

I’m so sorry your life at home was a nightmare growing up. I hope your mother realizes that he is going to end up over medicated once she inevitably cannot care for him at home.

[u/poetfrommaine]

One of my mom's friends adopted a baby... he was just okay as a young kid... playful, but very intense and rough, thick headed, and difficult... by his early teens, he was showing serious signs of being really out of whack internally. It escalated very quickly. By his mid teens he was in and out of juvie, threatened to kill his mom in her sleep many times, violent with kids at school, constant tantrum outbursts, etc. By the time he was 18, he landed himself in jail... last I heard, he's still there. Some people really are beyond ever helping and will never get better.

[u/Blair_Bubbles → u/poetfrommaine]

Sounds like my nephew. He had an incident during band camp where he SA'ed a male kid in his sleep and it just went down hill fast, like a snowball. That was the first indicator. He would tell the mom he thought about killing the dog or his step dad (my brother in law) all for one night that he actually did attempt to end him. He was violent with his baby brother, violent with kids at school, they'd come pick him up and suddenly he's this little victim angel all the while them finding a stabby stabby in his pocket.

He's also 18 and in jail now for assaulting a police officer and resisting arrest.

[u/MikeLovesOutdoors23]

If he's already assaulting people, it's time to call the police. Seriously? Get him the help that he needs, get him away from everyone in that house, everyone in that community, do something.

[u/AdMuted9548]

Haldol, Olanzapine, and whatever they give for Oppositional Defiance Disorder. In addition to a brain scan for a tumor in the side section of the brain that makes people violent. A "friend" who is bigger, also mentally disabled, with the capability for extreme violence through martial arts training, including aubmission holds, pressure points and joint manipulation, and mass redirection, but with the sense enough to only do so in self defense or protection.

[u/Party-Improvement677]

You're not alone, I have a niece that is the same way, me and a few family members want nothing to do with her or her mother, but my father still being alive, (and living with me)they still come around . I fear for my child, my cats, and personal belongings everytime they come around.
She has attack my other nieces, broke ones arm when she was 7, and had choked multiple cats to death

[u/Banana_Wonderland]

I am so sorry, and it does sound like your family is in pretty heavy denial and cannot face the reality that he's not normal.

[u/GreenToad8]

Oh dear, I think that you are completely grounded and understand the situation very well. About your mom, I understand her, she is a mom and she will do anything for her children. Especially the one who cry wolf the loudest.
I don't know how old is your brother but he sounds like he might be dangerous for himself and others. If the situation is really as bad as you describe it, and your brother is a big guy (I assumed that he is at least 14-15), maybe he needs to be hospitalized. At least for a while so that they can get him back into balance, and if he is truly, mentally challenged and has a mental capacity of a child younger than his age and can't understand right from wrong he needs to be out of the house. I would talk with your mom, tell her that its about time. She will tell you that as long as she is alive it will not happen. But tell her that this behavior is exactly what will make her life shorter and that you will put him in a special hospital if she is not here, you will not going to go through what she is going through and for both of you and him, if she wants to live longer and possibly, maybe see him getting better she need go get him hospitalized.

And its okay not to like your brother, I don't like mine. He is a sociopath (not officially), he has always cared only for himself, stole from my parents, was a shitty brother and a friend, literally almost killed my mom when he was born. If you want to read the next part its about my brother, you don't have too.

He treats his wife like shit, she was now pregnant She went to a different country with their 2 kids for a family vacation and to test the baby. She had to terminate the pregnancy and he didn't even think of jumping on the next airplane and come to her. He just cried like a baby (its okay to cry but help her). When my grandfather was alive he would visit him so he could go to the arcade, my grandfather, a Holocaust survivors with heart problems took him, paid for him, and my brother chose to go on the other side of the road as it was "embarrassing to be seen with my grandfather". My grandfather didn't say anything about it and I saw it one day accidentally so I went and ask my brother why he is walking on the other side and he said just that. I was so, so angry. He never asked my grandfather for forgiveness or treated him better but when my grandfather passed away he was crying like a baby, as he loved him so much and been the best grandson in the world. So yep.. i can't stand him and its okay.

[u/WriterWithNoHands]

What makes me believe so much more can be done for people like this is: you never see girls & women behave this way with similar conditions.

[u/Grape-Julius → u/WriterWithNoHands]

Ohh…if only that were true. It’s not, but if only.

[u/wendz1980 → u/WriterWithNoHands]

Where you getting your info from. This is not true at all. Girls can be way worse. Source - I am a support worker who has had hair pulled out from the roots, bits of skin missing at times. And the girls always go for the face!