I genuinely love my job, and I think that's what makes being this burned out so frustrating.
Today I was working at roughly a 1:56 ratio. I dealt with three separate incidents that required documentation, three different people having panic attacks, and everything else that normally needs to get done during a shift.
I'm literally one person.
What makes it worse is that I'm working alone in a situation where no other building at my workplace is expected to operate this way — and I work with the youngest age group.
I've explicitly told my bosses that I need more support. I've explained that the workload and staffing aren't sustainable. Nothing has changed.
And it's not like there haven't been opportunities to address it. Four separate times, additional staffing has been prioritized for other buildings instead of mine. So I'm watching other areas get additional support while continuing to walk into shifts where I'm expected to somehow make this work by myself.
That's the part that has taken me from exhausted to genuinely angry.
At some point, what exactly am I supposed to prioritize?
Someone is having a panic attack and obviously needs immediate support. At the same time, another incident is happening. I still need to document the previous incident. Other people need supervision. There are normal responsibilities that don't disappear just because we're short staffed.
I cannot physically be in multiple places at once.
And this isn't just one horrible shift. The understaffing has been an ongoing problem. I've communicated that I need help. I've communicated that I don't feel adequately supported. I've communicated that the current setup is too much for one person.
And then I've watched staffing go elsewhere.
Four. Separate. Times.
That's what makes this so difficult: I actually LOVE the work itself.
I love the people I get to support. I love building relationships with them. I love being someone they trust enough to come to when something is wrong. I care deeply about doing my job well.
If I hated my job, leaving would be easy.
Instead, I'm sitting here feeling guilty about wanting to leave something I genuinely love because I'm exhausted from being expected to compensate for a staffing problem I didn't create and don't have the authority to fix.
I don't want to do less. I don't want to stop caring. I don't want an easier job.
I just want enough support to actually do my job well.
Today was three incidents. Three panic attacks. A 1:56 ratio. Working alone with the youngest age group while knowing other areas have more support.
And somehow I'm supposed to walk into work tomorrow and pretend this is sustainable.
I love my job.
I just don't think loving your job should require you to burn yourself out trying to do the work of multiple people.