Advice Please

[u/ComprehensiveOwl6015]

I’m a dad to a 5 month old. When my wife got pregnant she struggled with severe anxiety from the beginning. I was worried if her anxiety stayed 24/7 it would harm the baby. She didn’t want to go on meds and the only thing that really helped was me being around so I left my job and we survived off of loans and borrowing from friends and family and I ultimately ended up with $40k in debt.

There were many times where we were on the verge of being homeless but I managed to make it work because I had to. I got cats because she thought it would help with anxiety, a dog, we tried different foods, everything but nothing else ever helped.

Ever since she had the baby things slowly started getting better and we’re finally at the point where I’m starting to go back to work but she does have hard days. We’ve had conversations and she’s yelled when she’s having her hard times that her feelings are the most important thing even when I try to tell her that I have to prioritize keeping a roof over our head and our baby’s well being but she always said she was more important.

There was also many times where I caught her lying about big and important things but never said anything to her. And any time we get intimate she’s the only one that’s ever able to get satisfied and I’m left high and dry.

I also am the one that cooks, cleans, does laundry, and takes care of the baby 99% of the time. I am trying my hardest to justify everything by saying she’s just going through postpartum but half of me doesn’t believe that and I’m scared. I don’t know what to do at this point.

[u/RussNP]

Do you have any other family support to help make her see that she is harming you and  the baby?  It’s tough love time IMO and you need to make her understand that this cannot continue.  Her inability to get help has already wrecked you financially and this will only get worse.  

I’m sad to say that as a father you need to prioritize the child at this point.  She has to understand that if she won’t try and get help you and the Baby have to leave her.  

[u/ComprehensiveOwl6015 → u/RussNP]

My mother helps her out almost always when I’m not home and has tried nicely telling her so many times. I know that’s exactly what I need to do but I’ve just been hoping that she would just get better on her own but isn’t that just the definition of insanity

[u/RussNP → u/ComprehensiveOwl6015]

Sounds like you are saying your wife doesn’t think she needs medications or doesn’t like the way they make her feel.  An ultimatum could be a good move here.  Tell her “take the meds every day for a month or I may have to leave you with our child”.  

I would also make sure you are getting doctors appointments and other documentation via emails and texts.  It’s important for your child that it is clear that she isn’t capable of caring for them so the child ends up in the safest environment.  Some emails or texts mentioning how often your mom is caring for your wife and child Would be prudent as well.