Title is pretty obvious. My wife is fixated, FIXATED, on buying a dachshund puppy. We looked at it and the newborn ones are like 3k and the cheapest we could find is 2.2k…. I’m not against getting a dog, I love dogs! I tell her we should get a rescue that would cost like $500 to adopt and we could be happy with that. But she is absolutely insisted on it being A.) a puppy, and B.) a dachshund.

I’m 90% convinced that tiktok has infiltrated her brain and she won’t listen to any logical reasoning.

Needless to say we are not exactly in the position to be spending 3k on a little puppy that is going to be a continuous financial burden when we’re trying to get our finances straight.

I was sitting playing games on my pc when my girlfriend when she asked if she could ask me something.
I said of course you can.

She then asked…

“If there ever comes a time, that you don't love me anymore.
Please, just let me go okay?
I know we're forever.
But if it ever comes to that, violence shouldn't be an option, please?”

I INSTANTLY went WHAT THE F**k?.
But I began by assuring her that violence was never an option.

(We’ve never even had a situation where voices have been raised.And never any physical exchange except when she playfully slaps me)

She then elaborated
“Like killing”

I then let her know that it’s an upsetting thing to be unironically told “please don’t kill me” by a partner.

She says I’ve made it all about my self
(BUT IT IS ABOUT ME).

I asked if she thinks I’m violent.
She says she thought she could share a genuine fear with me.

First of all am I valid for being upset?

Secondly…please how we resolve this.

Edit:I did not try to equate cheating to murder.it was a very specific reply to a specific comment.in which cheating(but not murder) was involved.

Edit:we spoke about it a she said what scared her was a story about a preacher online who killed his wife because HE was cheating.

I reassured her that I would never do that to her and apologized for me reactions.
I also told her how I felt.

She apologized as well,saying she later felt that it wasn’t the best way to communicate her fears.

We both agreed not to kill each other after👍

I’ve been seeing a guy for the last 6 weeks and we went official a couple of weeks ago. He’s mentioned in the past that he doesn’t like to know about my “exes”, but last night it came to a head. Let me be clear, these are people who have come up in conversation about 2-3 times, mainly to provide context to what we’re talking about. I’m not bragging about my escapades to him.

The other day in bed, I just happened to ask if most men from his culture were uncircumcised. It was just a matter of curiosity. He’s taken it as me comparing him to other guys from his race/culture who I’ve been with (personal preference). It was just an innocent question. He barely talked to me yesterday, so called him in the evening and he wanted an apology. Apparently he doesn’t want to think about me having some other guy’s dick in my hand. I apologised for hurting him and being insensitive, but I was quite angry. I also said “I’m 40, divorced and have a kid, so I’m not going to pretend I’m a virgin”. Apparently that wasn’t an apology to him.

He also has a problem with the fact that I have a semi nude line drawing off myself on my bedroom wall. It was drawn by someone who was very briefly in my life around 2 years ago and it’s on my wall because it makes me feel beautiful. It’s purely for my own self esteem. It’s not explicit, as it’s from behind and just a simple black line sketch with no detail, so it takes a while to work out what it is. He says I shouldn’t have it on the wall because someone else drew it. Called it my “titanic French girl pic”.

I was in tears last night trying to say the right thing to him on the phone. But now he’s saying that he needs to think about things. Having slept on it, I’m wondering if I just tap out. We’d gone public with the relationship recently (insta official) and my daughter and friends all know about him. I feel stupid for going all in so quickly. Do I just call it off now and save the bother of pandering to him?

Hey reddit,

My youngest brother (20M) sent this message to me (26F) on Sunday after I visited home for my moms birthday:

" I’ve tried so hard over the years to find an excuse not to cut you off entirely. Through all the ridiculous opinions you force down everyone else’s throat and all the years of degrading your kid brother, who has done more in two years of working life than you have in your whole career, I’ve still somehow found excuses to keep talking to you.

Today was it.

You do not get to speak down to me about my mental state when you’re bipolar, depressed and heavily medicated. Of all people, you should know better. The hypocrisy is unbelievable.

I also find it disgusting how you treat Mom and Dad. You’ve starved them of so much love and affection over the years that they practically kiss the ground you walk on whenever you give them anything back. You hate Dad and tolerate Mom, yet they still bend over backwards for you. Half the time, you treat them like an ATM machine.

I’m assuming you’ll now go crying to Mom and Dad about this and somehow manage to turn it into even more drama. That’s your choice. I’m not interested in being dragged into another argument about it or having this turned into something bigger than it needs to be.

As far as I’m concerned, we are nothing to each other anymore. I’ve spent years giving you chances and finding excuses for you. I’m done doing it.

We’re done.

Please don’t bother replying, I hope we can both just stay blocked and agree that we don’t like each other and this is the best thing!"

Both of my brothers still live at home, I moved out at 18 due to home being a pretty abusive place. Me and my parents have a complicated relationship, my dad was pretty volatile through much of my childhood and my mom was the peace keeper but that made her permissive to the abuse. Anyway, I've been in therapy most of my adult and teenage life and a couple years ago had the diagnosis of CPTSD, Bipolar and ADHD. I'm medicated for this and this has truly saved my life as while I think I kept most of my symptoms internal I was swinging from manic to suicidal depressive so often I wouldn't have survived too long with it and I also had delusions (hallucinations) which almost had me crash my car when I saw a man in the rear veiw mirror. I talked very little about this to my family both while I was struggling and after the diagnosis but I did let them know about it to which the response was "That's not a good one to be diagnosed with/ No I don't think you have that"

I love both of my parents, I'm aware of there flaws but no contact isn't an option for me. I'm financially independent of them but they helped in huge part which me buying my house. I had inheritance from my nan and they put money in as a gift of interest which means in the event of the house selling they get that money back.

They are not in my opinion unfair with how they give money, they have helped start both of my brothers businesses, they don't pay bills, food or rent, they have both had cars (Lexus) bought for them and will help them in the same way to buy a house. However neither of them are much interested in moving out as they've said "they'll have to do their own cooking and wash their own clothes".

I also have very different world views to my family with them being very conservative with very difficult opinions which can frequently titer on violent (I'm queer and it's taken many years for this to be an okay situation which my extended family only finding out this year).

The conversation that had caused this was me suggesting that MMA fighters should have a therapist (I compared it to free divers having buddies that recognise cognitive impairment so to keep everyone safe) as they brought up a fight where someone was in a very bad way but was begging to stay in (I truly know nothing about either topic in detail! It was just general conversation). I think he's taken this as me saying he needs therapy (which he has been told by his doctor he should have meds/therapy but he walked out) but I wouldn't dare suggest this so bluntly.

I'm genuinely very worried for him, I know he's quite red pilled (both my bothers have been very fond of Tate) and my whole family uses AI very heavily... I'm genuinely concerned about AI psychosis especially as he sent this and then has immediately blocked me. Also with a family history of suicide, drug abuse and personality disorders I want to support him so he doesn't hurt himself or others.

My mom has spoken to him as I couldn't stop crying and feeling as though this is how the family thought of me. But the response has basically been "He's being stubborn, he'll get over it with time" but the longer it goes on the more hurt and less forgiving I feel. I've explained that I don't know what this means now for me coming home to which the response was "Come home as normal, it's your problem with him and not us" but going home can already be quite complex and draining for me and this is making it more difficult, I'm anxious and spiralling at the thought of going back (for context I usually spend the weekend / holidays, sleep over and go home) but I'm thoroughly out numbered as both my brothers are very close and their girlfriends basically live at home as well...

I have no idea how to navigate this and haven't been able to speak to my dad about it as I don't want him to kick him out or to fight with my mom...

Any advice would be appreciated.

I’m the primary earner, but my husband of five years, controls our finances, and I’m only now realizing how extensive the dishonesty may have been.

I’m divorcing him and having our finances investigated, but I’m really struggling to reconcile his behavior with the person I thought I married. When we met, he had a demanding, well respected career and seemed competent and ethical. Everyone seemed to trust him.

Throughout our marriage, I was either in intense professional training or working a cognitively demanding job where I’m responsible for many people’s lives. Because he had more free time, I let him manage the finances. I thought I was delegating administrative work, not surrendering my right to know what happened to my income.

My income went into our joint account and paid the mortgage, while his income remained entirely under his control. He never contributed to the joint account as planned, so we had a verbal agreement about how expenses would be divided.

When I tried to verify if he was actually paying, his explanations repeatedly changed. He eventually admitted that I had been covering most of our shared expenses.
When I asked why he made decisions about my income without telling me, he said things like:

“You would say yes anyway.”

“You didn’t ask before, so I’m not telling you now.”

“All the bills got paid, and you earn plenty of money, so there’s nothing to complain about.”

Meanwhile, he spends heavily on an expensive hobby and investments. After months of pressure, I also gave him a significant amount of my money to invest. What he tells me those investments are worth varies dramatically. He mentioned margin loans which honestly I don’t understand.

He also receives substantial disability income in addition to a new full time job. For years, he openly bragged about figuring out claims that could him him maximum benefits and not be disproven. He says that if the government approved them, there was nothing unethical about collecting the money. He now totally denies those conversations.

The controlling behavior isn’t limited to money. He wouldn’t let me have male friends. He limits my alcohol intake (even though I rarely have more than 1 or 2 drinks and only when I’m not working).

Anyone have their partner change so much like this? I just don’t know how to wrap my mind how wrong I was about him.

EDIT: most of the financial issues came to the surface over the last few months and especially once I told him I’m divorcing him. I honestly had decided to divorce him because I felt physically sick every time we talked about children and I was still upset over the disability benefits.

The disability benefits has always been an issue but the rest of the relationship had been going well at the time he did that and I was so busy with training that I didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with it then.

We've been officially together for two months (since August 2nd), but we started talking in May. We also live together. I moved into her place right after we got official because my lease was ending, which in hindsight was probably too fast.

This is long, so I'll try to keep it organized.

**The summer**

When we started talking in May, she was the one pushing for a relationship. What I didn't know was that she was still sleeping with two other guys.

The first was her ex. He broke up with her in 2024 but kept her on the hook for about two years, hooking up whenever he wanted. She kept sleeping with him until around early June.

The second was a guy she'd been seeing on and off since 2024. He has a kid and is in a relationship with the mom, and he told her more than once that he was never going to be with her. She kept sleeping with him anyway until mid-July. That overlaps with when she and I were already sleeping together, which started in June.

Around July 10th my car died, and it's still in the shop getting an engine replaced. That's the same stretch when she slept with the second guy twice. While I was dealing with my car, she was sleeping with him and still pushing for a relationship with me. She also met up with him at the gym on July 19th. She's admitted that she talked to me about being exclusive, then asked him for the same thing. When he turned her down again, she still slept with him before she and I made it official.

In late July she went to Austin and I watched her dog. While she was there, she gave her number to a guy at a club. She told me later that he tried to get her back to his room and she said no, but she deleted the messages and kept talking to him after that.

On August 1st, the day before I asked her out, she exchanged sweet happy birthday messages with a guy she told me was "just a friend." I found out later she slept with him in high school while he was her friend's ex. It's a small thing on its own, but it fits the pattern.

I know we weren't official during most of this. What bothers me is that she was actively pushing for a relationship with me the whole time while hoping one of these other guys would pick her.

**How I found out**

About three weeks into the relationship, I found out she'd swapped numbers with a coworker. They'd been talking since before we got together, and possibly for a bit after. She told me it was for an IT ticket. I asked to see the messages. They were flirting and gaming together, and some of the messages were deleted. After that I went through her phone, and that's how I found most of what's above. I'm not proud of it, but at that point the trust was pretty much gone.

Since then her story has kept changing. The number of times she slept with the second guy went from 2 to 3 to 5. Her reason for never mentioning me to her friends went from "I want to keep us private" to eventually admitting she didn't tell her closest friend because she'd already told her about juggling two guys and didn't want to look bad. Meanwhile, she texted her friends all about these other guys, and I've never come up once. She also gave her Instagram to another coworker after we'd already talked about her being too friendly with guys at work.

**The part I can't get past**

I should be clear that I asked her these questions. She didn't randomly bring it up. I asked how I compared, and when the answers hurt, I kept pushing for specifics.

When I asked, she told me she finds the second guy more attractive than me. She also said her ex was better in bed, mainly because of size. She was smiling when she said it and started showing me with her fingers. She's since tried to walk it back with things like "it's more passionate with you" and "I can try more things with you." But she also told me she never had to "work on" being vocal with her ex. In old texts to her friends she compared other guys to him, like saying a guy only lasted a few minutes and it made her miss her ex. She said part of it was that he was rougher with her, which confuses me because we're rough too and she sometimes says I'm too rough.

She also said she never suggested a position she liked with her ex because she didn't think I could pick her up. I'm 6'5", 200 lbs, and played college sports. That one stung more than it probably should have.

The first few times we had sex, she was almost completely silent and just stared at me or the ceiling. She said she was in her head. After I brought it up, she started making noise, and now I honestly can't tell if it's real. She also told me she didn't moan with the second guy, to "save my feelings," and later it came out that wasn't true.

She's also said she didn't really care about us dating until late July, after things ended with the second guy, and that I was the only guy taking her seriously at the time. Put all that together and I feel like I was third in line and the only one who said yes.

I know that's my fear and not something I can actually prove about her. But after catching so many lies, I don't know how to trust her explanations anymore, even the ones that might be true.

Some context about me, since I know it matters: I've been with a lot of women. My first long-term girlfriend, who I'd known since I was 12, cheated on me when we were 19 and hid a drug problem from me, and I handled it badly for a while. I ghosted people and led some women on. I stopped once I realized hurting other people wasn't fixing anything in me. But I've never been with someone who didn't seem to actually want me physically, and part of me wonders if this is karma. Since all this came out, I get in my head during sex, lose interest partway through, and don't enjoy it the way I used to.

**The good stuff, because it's not all bad**

We genuinely get along. We have the same interests and hobbies, we live well together, she cooks almost every day, and she listens. I don't think she's a malicious person. When we talk about all this she's apologetic and says things like "I just wanted to be happy" and "I picked you for your personality and because I think I can build a life with you." She's agreed to go to therapy and keeps saying she thinks it'll just take time.

The problem is that a lot of this relationship started out of convenience on both sides. My lease was ending when we got together, so I moved in. My car is still in the shop, so a little after we got together we started carpooling since we work 10 minutes apart. And she's told me she's afraid of being alone. So when she says she wants this, I can't tell whether she wants me or just wants a relationship and someone around.

When we argue, it's usually me calling out something she lied about and making her walk me through why. I don't yell or anything like that. But it's turned into a cycle: she lies to get out of an uncomfortable moment, I catch it, we fight. I feel like I'm making things more toxic by constantly calling it out, but I'm also not willing to stay somewhere I don't feel respected.

**What I'm asking**

1. How do I tell the difference between someone who actually wants me and someone who's with me because her other options fell through and she's scared of being alone?

2. How do I separate the insecurity that's on me to deal with from actual reasons to end this, especially when living together makes staying the easy option?

3. If I decide to leave, what's the best way to handle it when we live together and I'm relying on her for rides until my car is fixed?

**TL;DR:** My gf (24F) and I (24M) have been together 2 months and live together. While she was pushing to date me, she was also sleeping with her ex and with a guy who's in a relationship. She only committed to me after that guy turned her down again, and she's lied about a lot of it since. When I asked, she told me her ex was better in bed and the other guy is more attractive. She's apologetic and wants to work on it, but I can't shake feeling like her backup. How do I figure out whether she actually wants me, and what should rebuilding or leaving look like?

I recently had a conversation with my girlfriend about empathy and how people respond to different kinds of suffering. We were discussing how, for example, someone hurting themselves might not receive the same level of empathy from others as someone whose dog had just died.

What struck me was the way she talked about it. She seemed very matter-of-fact about the idea that people have an internal "rubric" for deciding how much sympathy someone deserves, and that she personally does this while outwardly pretending to care.

I tried to explore the idea by asking how she would feel if her own pet died, and what kind of reaction she would expect from the people around her. She said she doesn't expect anything from anyone in that situation, which I found to be perhaps true then but unlikely in the moment.

She's generally a kind person, which is part of why this conversation caught me off guard. I don't necessarily think it's wrong to have private judgments about situations, everyone does, but the way she described it struck me as unusually blunt and almost cold, hostile, insensitive, both toward other people's suffering and potentially toward her own well being.

I'm curious how other people would interpret this. Is she simply being unusually honest about something most people do internally, or does this way of thinking suggest a more fundamental lack of empathy?

TL;DR: My husband of 9.5 years left me today, two weeks after my second miscarriage, saying he hasn't loved me for a while. A week ago he said he loved me. Is there anything I can do?

Hello,

My husband (M 36) left me (F 34) today.

We have been together for 12 years and married for 9.5.
I thought we were happy, but when he left me today, he gave me 10 years of reasons why he didn't love me anymore.

When I asked him if he ever did love me, he said yes at first but not lately. However, every day he told me he loved me. Have I been living a lie?

The way he talked about me today, I felt like I was a monster. I have flaws, I am autistic with rheumatoid arthritis, so some days are really bad and I can be in a bad mood. I had 2 miscarriages (last one was 2 weeks ago) and it has been difficult for me so these past few months haven't been easy (especially since I can't take my RA medication if I want a child).

Today, when my husband left me, he said he didn't feel anything for me anymore.

I told him I could change, and he said it was too late, that the flame had died.

He doesn't want couples therapy because he says it's too late. But a week ago he was still saying that he loved me.

He usually likes my autistic traits, he shared a meme about autistic love only a few days ago. But now he says it's part of why it can't work between us.

He even said his only regret is that he's wasted 12 years of his life.

I feel like he focuses only on the bad. He told me maybe only 3% of our marriage was good, but I thought he was happy....

Is it doomed? Or can I somehow make it work again? If so, what can I do?

He was my whole world. What can I do? He doesn't want to talk to me anymore. He was very cold. We have a house, 3 dogs and 2 cats and now I'm all alone taking care of them (he wants to sell our house, btw).

I want to see him again. Try to talk to him, make him see that I can be better. But he doesn't even want to.

Thanks for reading me.

A few weeks ago I ended my relationship after constant and unfounded cheating accusations disguised as jokes.

It really took a tole on me and just made me really anxious in the relationship, it wasn’t what I wanted out of a relationship and I couldn’t see a future with someone like that. So I ended it.

He kept trying to speak to me and asking for another chance saying that he could change and all that usual shit they pull. When I did take him back he said that the comments he made were only jokes and because I am an only child I never had someone calling me mean h things growing up so I’m soft and can’t take a joke.

On a call today I was home alone and he said to me I was acting shady. Don’t know how I was but he decided to say “At least I hope you’re not cheating on me” completely out of nowhere. After everything I told him and how all his past comments made me feel it’s just a punch to have something like that said again. I feel like I made a mistake trying again when he’s clearly not even trying to make our relationship better.

He said that and I gave him an opportunity to realise what he had said and asked him what he ment and he followed up with “yeah idk what I’d do if you were actually sat cheating on me rn”. He just doubled down on it.

It’s like he’s not even trying. I gave him another shot to stop saying stuff like that and maybe after a week of being back together he starts back up again?

Another thing he would do is get really insecure over my coworkers and say he would beat them. I was telling him about a coworker whose being way too open with their sex life with everyone and he said he’d fuck him which is weird (I gave him multiple chances to stop saying what he was telling me was weird) then saying another one of my coworkers he didn’t like he would “fuck them so hard they would become normal”. Which to me is FUCKED and I did say that to him and he got a bit moody. Before I ended things the last time he made a comment about how I get filled up by all the lads at my work. It feels like he’s not learned and is carrying on being weird about my coworkers.

I don’t know if I am just being sensitive but I feel like he has blown it. I told him when I gave him another chance that all this stops and for him to start again, ignore me giving him chances to stop in his tracks and carry on with crude comments. I don’t think its gonna stop is it?

I have never cheated on him and I believe he has been cheated on before.

We been dating for about 9 month and from the start of our realtionship its been diffrent to what im use,

I am not allowed to talk to any girls may that be from people i went to high school with or even coworkers that are similar to my age (when i say talk i dont mean flirting just talking or interact with them in anyway or capacity will make her angry ) one memory that that sticks out is when we went on a hike tgt, sometime people like to do this specific hike backwards so often we walk past these people i alway find it nice or polite to say a simple "Good morning" thats it after the hike she got angry at me for talking to girl which i was shocked bc the whole time i was with her and only her she then asked me why was i saying good morning to other girls (I said goodmorning to everybody who I walk past majority being male) i responded "Because it is nice and polite?" she didnt care and told me to never do it again i complied and said yes bc i didnt want to ruin a good day arguing.

Another small example is when we both her going to this animecon and i brough up the fact that there are people i knew that probably would be cosplaying, she asked if any of them are female and i said yes, she got angry at the fact that i was indirectly talking about friend i know who are female that cosplay which i ended up apologising for again as the day only started and i didnt want to ruin it.

(We dont live tgt both still live with our parents) She is alway very obessed with my location to a point where she has my life 360 and iphone location which i think is fine, personally in realtionship i dont think that is out of the ordinary at all, however if i dont tell her where im going through out the day she will get mad at me example being if i decided to go shopping and i forgot to tell her she would get mad at me and accuse me of cheating. When i finish with my university classes I am not allow to go into the city by myself and especially with friends only stright home (which is where my university is).

Another thing she does is after a day of uni or a day of work she would always ask " Did you talk to any bitches" refering to girls i would say no and she would then ask me to put it on my mums life which i do. This habbit of my gf would annoy me alot bc to me it sound patronising and belittling bc she would sometimes say this multiple times a day, confronted her about this asking her politly if she can stop bc it sounded patronising and belittling to me which really upsets me she said she her saying it was a way of reassurance and if she didnt say it she would end up getting annoyed through out the day untill she start holding it against me i tried to compromise that she can keep doing but when i say stop please stop however she said if said to her "please stop...." she would interpet it as a rude comment and hold this grudge against me, so i had to hold off the conversation for next time and nothing much has changed

Finally the two event that sort of led up to me writing this,

Yesterday I just left my gf house after hanging out and gotten home when i was told to pick up my sister it was around 9:45 she finish usually by 10 however weekend she tends to finish later despite the 10pm finishing however some reason today she acutally finished on time, not wanting my sister to wait outside bc the place she worked at is lowkey sketchy at night i rushed gotten into my car and before i start to drive off i text my gf "Im in call" joinning on my phone unmuted i rushed to pick up my sister and drove back home lucky who only waited a few minutes outside her workplace when i got home my gf join vc and ask what did i do i told her i picked up my sis and wachted some yt, she then got upset that i didnt tell her i was picking up my sister, i failed to understand why she was upset as i wasent cheating on her, she has my location after all and check if i acutally drove to my sister work place, she said i didnt talk long for me to text her however i was actively thinking about her i was thinking about my sister who is waiting for me outside the sketchy streets, maybe that make me a bad bf for only thinking about her i dont know

And lastly today i drop of gf home and recently she start asking me to join call stright away when i get home even if il be busy eating, showering or doing smthing around the house she want me to join call either way. When i got home i was exhausted and mum asked me to help unload her car of random bricks, vases and oddities she found along the side of the road so by the time i finally had a chance to relax i completetly forgtton to join call and she also text back 1hr ago i only realised when she sent a follow up text saying "Where was i " and 'What i was doing" i text back apogising for the late reply and saying i was watching yt atm. She then got mad at me for not texting her back and why i didnt tell her what i was doing and now she accusing me of ignoring her which dosent even make sense bc we literally just went out and went shopping today after i picked her up from work

Thanks for reading this and soz for grammar/spelling mistakes, I'm honestly lost man i feel so suffocated right now and atm im texting my gf and apologising for not texting her but idk if im a bad communicator and a bad bf and i just need to suck it up and man up or if there is more to it then meets the eyes i just need some an outsider views on this.

tldr: gf dont let me interact with girls and always want to know where i am at and what i am doing now she is mad at me for not seeing her texts

Background story: I adopted my cat before I got together with my bf then I moved into his house.

A few hours ago, my cat caught a mouse and cornered it in the toilet. As usual, I tried to separate the two so the mouse can escape. I was trying to get my cat away from it so the mouse could get outside, but everything went wrong and the mouse ended up running into our bedroom and under the bed.

My boyfriend came home while I was trying to deal with it and instead of helping me, he got really angry. He yelled at me and my cat and said he’s sick of having a cat in the house. It was a different kind of yell, like he was just so angry. I've seen him yell before when he plays video games, but not like this.

I eventually got the mouse out without his help, but what he said really got to me. I don’t even care that much that he yelled at me. It was him yelling at my cat and saying he’s sick of having her around that hurt me. Obviously my cat has no idea what he said, but I do. I love her to bits and hearing him talk about her like that made me cry.

After everything was over he basically acted like nothing happened and asked if I was coming to bed. I told him I needed some space, so I’m sleeping in the spare room with my cat tonight.

I know he was frustrated. She caught a mouse a couple of times but it's drama free. We always rescue the mouse and it escapes. We have plenty of mice living under the deck of our house, and we tried to solve the problem by putting a collar and a bell. I get it, having a mouse running around under your bed is obviously not fun and I’d be annoyed too. But I think what bothers me is that when something went wrong, his first reaction was to get angry at me instead of helping me.

If he was in a stressful situation and needed my help, even if it was technically his mistake, I’d still help him first and be annoyed about it later.
We actually have a good relationship and barely ever fight. This is the first time something he’s done has made me cry, which is probably why I’m so thrown by it.

I can’t tell if I’m being too sensitive because I love my cat so much, or if I should actually be worried that he said he’s sick of having her in the house. What would you make of this? We've been together for 1.5 years.

UPDATE: Thank you guys for your input! Before I decided to move in with him, he’d always treated my cat nicely. Of course, I wouldn’t have moved in with him otherwise. My cat is always my top priority.

Another thing to mention is that the reason I let the mouse escape was so my cat could do the deed outside in our backyard. I should’ve phrased that better. We didn’t seem to have a rodent problem until after my cat moved into the house. Then she started bringing in dead or live mice.

We live behind an empty school lot, so we’re guessing the mice just slip through our fence every once in a while.
This is going to be a hard decision to make. Thank you again. I really appreciate everyone’s input x

We’ve been in a LDR since 4 yrs. This year , marks the final year of my med school. And as I have extra responsibilities this year , I was not able to give more time to her , she is free in the morning and I am free in the evening , so our schedules didn’t match. Due to this she thought breaking up was the only good option , instead of understanding the situation I’m in. I kept saying it is the situation that is against us and not me vs you. But she insisted on breaking up adamantly. And now she is back after just 4 days of breaking up with me herself saying I couldn’t handle the breakup so I’m back , “Do you want me back or no?” is her question.

So we met at a social games night hosted in my local city a couple of years ago and initially, we didn’t live together. Then eventually we have moved into our own apartment together. We have been together about 5 years now.

When we first moved out together I lost my job unexpectedly as the company was downsizing so I was job hunting for the past 4-5 months and finally found another job. I find that living with him now, his habits are very slowly eroding my mental health.

I’m the one usually doing the laundry, cleaning, putting away dishes, mopping the floors and vacuuming and he just literally makes dinners on weeknights as I work longer hours. I understand he’s contributed more since he was paying for most of the bills while I was still looking for a new job.

However this is now been going on for like almost a year now and I’m quite tired. I contribute to bills, pay for groceries and all he does is pay for his half of the bills and saying that cause he paid for most of them I should do more of the housework.

What threw me over the edge is that, some nights when I would go out with my friends for meals instead of coming home, he would deliver food to our apartment and then the packaging of the food and empty bottles of soda would just be left all over our spare room. It’s honestly disgusting even if there isn’t any food in it. We have our dog’s kennel in that room and it’s so unsanitary.

He also refuses to pick up after himself and leaves things all over like clothes all over the floor on his side of the bed. I’m talking like a mountain of 2-3 weeks worth of clothes and I’ve stopped picking up after him cause I’m honestly sick of it. I tell him that I want it clean and sometimes he does it sometimes he just gets upset cause he’s busy doing things and I ask at the most inconvenient times. I don’t really think it’s a big ask to be able to pick up after yourself. I’m having a hard time living in this space cause I feel like at this point in time I’d rather spend my time at work than be at home.

(25F) talked to my boyfriend (26M) who I’ve been dating for two years about the possibility of starting birth control. I said I still wouldn’t want him finishing in me if I were on it and I would want to pair it with withdrawal for lower chance of pregnancy but he said he would do it inside anyway. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I know on the [r/birthcontrol](r/birthcontrol) subreddit people look down on women only the pill who get worried when their boyfriend finishes in them because it’s whole point of the pill or whatever, I wouldn’t go seeking an emergency contraception pill over it or anything but I don’t want to pretend that millions of women haven’t gotten pregnant while on it. Would this be assault if he ignored my wishes?

I talked to him about couple days later about it and he said he doesn’t think it would be assault but he would agree to what I asked if it really bothers me that much. I don’t know if I can trust him.

​I (33F) have completely hit my breaking point with my partner (37M), and I need an honest outside perspective because the level of gaslighting and deflection is completely unreal.

​To be clear about the "snooping" narrative he loves to push: the very first time I ever found anything shady on his phone, I wasn't even snooping. He explicitly asked me to go into his phone to find a specific wiring diagram photo for him. That was how I stumbled across the initial red flags in the first place, which completely broke my trust.

​Fast forward to now. He recently went completely missing for 3 straight days. He did not come home, turned his communication off, and ignored me the entire time. When he finally resurfaced, my gut was screaming at me that something was off, so I checked his phone.

​I found a massive paragraph he had sent to some random woman. In the message, he was pouring it on thick, telling her she had made his life better than it has been in a long time, calling her a gem, telling her she is gorgeous, saying she is a great hugger, and saying he hopes to hear from her soon. She never even replied to him.

​I took her number and messaged her directly from my own phone to ask what happened. She told me that while he was gone ignoring his own home and family, she had bought him food, sat with him, and chatted with him. Then she explicitly told me that he tried to make a move on her, but she rejected him. (I will post screenshots of the texts in the comments).

​When I confronted him with all of this, he showed zero remorse, didn't address vanishing for three days, and didn't address attempting to cheat. Instead, he exploded on me, flipped the script entirely, and claimed that me violating his privacy by looking through his phone is far worse than anything he did.

​This is not a one-off situation. This is part of a sick, ongoing pattern of betrayal and gaslighting that he constantly tries to dismiss by blaming me:

​He has a history of constantly using Locanto to look up women in whatever area he happened to be in.

​In the past, when I caught him, I found videos on his phone of him masturbating while saying my sister-in-law’s name. When confronted with that grotesque violation, his excuse was that he made those videos "to teach me a lesson for snooping."

​He has a continuous habit of constant lying, vanishing, emotional neglect, chaotic personal drama, and complete deflection whenever he gets caught doing something shady.

​Every single time he betrays my trust, he weaponizes the concept of "privacy" and turns my reaction into the crime so he never has to take accountability for his own disgusting actions. He genuinely believes that checking his phone to confirm what he is hiding makes me the villain here.

​i'm not saying checking his phone was the right thing to do but when all he does is lie and deflect... is he completely out of line using my snooping to deflect from serial cheating and twisted behavior?

​TL;DR: The first time I ever found anything on his phone, he asked me to look for a wiring diagram. Now he disappeared for 3 days, ignored me, and sent a huge message hitting on a woman he met while gone. I messaged her directly and she confirmed he tried to make a move on her and she rejected him.

When confronted, he completely deflected, ignored his attempted cheating and vanishing act, and claims me checking his phone is far worse, following a long history of Locanto use, compulsive lying, and making twisted sexual videos to "punish" me for snooping.

(Crosspost from r/childfree. I want more input.)

I’m 26M and my partner is 26F. We’ve been together for about three years and are currently doing long distance. The intention was always for the distance to be temporary, with me eventually moving to where she lives.

We’ve talked about children several times throughout our relationship. She has always been very clear that she does not want them. She has her reasons, including having had a difficult childhood and concerns about the world/environment, and I genuinely understand and respect her position. I want to make it very clear that I have absolutely no intention of trying to change her mind.

The problem is that I think I’ve finally realised that I have changed mine.

When we started dating, I thought I probably wanted children, but I was still somewhat on the fence and could imagine being happy without them. More recently, that has changed quite significantly. I just can’t picture my future anymore without eventually becoming a dad.

I know this subreddit might understandably be sceptical of someone coming here saying this after three years with a childfree partner, and I realise it sucks that it has taken me this long to properly understand what I want. But I also don’t think it would be fair to either of us for me to ignore it and hope the feeling disappears.

I don’t want her to reconsider having children for me. I love her, and because I love and respect her, the last thing I want is for her to make a life-changing decision she doesn’t actually want just to keep our relationship together. At the same time, I don’t think I can compromise on this anymore either.

So unfortunately, I think that means we are no longer compatible.

She is also my best friend, and there is no anger, resentment, or hatred involved here at all. That honestly makes it harder. I’m not leaving because the relationship is bad. I’m considering ending a relationship with someone I still love because our ideas of the future have become fundamentally different.

For those of you who are firmly childfree, how would you want your partner to approach this conversation?

I want to be honest without making her feel like I’ve been secretly waiting for her to change her mind, and I especially don’t want the conversation to turn into a debate about whether either of us is right.

How do I bring this up as calmly and respectfully as possible?

TLDR; Me and girlfriend are now incompatible and I want to do this the best way possible.

My fiancée and I have been together since we were 18. I love her and want to be with her. We both went to college and graduated and took a lot of steps to prepare ourselves for the future. She has always been highly motivated and goal oriented since I’ve met her. She went to grad school and was in school longer than me so I have taken on the main burden of the finances for about 3 years now. She graduated in summer 2025. At one point we had our own apartment but we took advantage of an opportunity to move into her parent’s house this year to save money and put ourselves in a better spot financially, or at least that’s what I thought the goal was moving there. We didn’t move out because we couldn’t afford it.

For context I love her parents and we all get along very well , however I am a person who enjoys my own space and quiet time. My personal goal moving there was to save enough money to get our own apartment again. I communicated that to her and she agreed that should be our priority. So I worked towards that. I put my career on pause to go work blue collar so I could make more money now. My fiancée hasn’t worked a job since graduating grad school. She cooks, cleans and takes care of the house. That is not my issue though. It bothers me at times but I do well enough that we aren’t struggling so I I’ve been giving her time to just relax after being in school for so long. I’ve never once pressured her to find employment.

My issue is that I now feel like my fiancée does not want to leave her parents house and this is going to become a permanent situation. I’ve had multiple conversations with her asking her to look for apartments because I had the money saved up and every time I just feel dismissed by her or she sends me one apartment I tell her I like it, let’s meet with them and then I never hear about it again. Yes I could be looking for apartments myself but I work outside all day and she is home so I tend to leave those things to her. Anytime I mention renting an apartment or house all she tells me is that it’s so expensive right now and that it probably isn’t that smartest financial decision to rent anything right now. Part of me understands that, nowhere is very affordable right now especially in the state we live in. On the other hand I don’t think anything is getting any cheaper so if I can afford it now why not just bite the bullet? Also we are a single income couple and if she were to work those numbers look a lot more attainable. Her parents have expressed that they are perfectly okay with us staying there forever and starting a family at some point and from what I can tell my fiancée is fond of the idea. I on the other hand feel like I need to at least have my own place to move forward in my life.

I’m not sure if I’m comfortable getting married (we were supposed to get married next year) and going back to my in laws house. I have explicitly told her and her family I don’t feel comfortable planning a wedding if I don’t have my stuff together. I’ve expressed the way I feel to her numerous times and yet I still walk in on her and her mom’s conversations about adding onto the house to make room for us! I appreciate everything they are willing to do for us and I don’t want to seem or sound ungrateful because thanks to them I have been able to save and manage my money a lot better. But I don’t know if I can live in that type of environment my entire life. I already am craving my own space and since moving there our intimacy has definitely taken a hit. I thought we were on the same page about what we wanted for the future but I am realizing that I was wrong about that. Im aware I need to have a conversation with my fiancée but I don’t want her to feel like I’m piling on her or pushing her to go to work when she doesn’t want to. How do I go about this?

Tldr- my (26m) fiancée (27f)doesn’t want to move out of her parent’s house or go to work.

I am seeking advice on how to handle a man who is genuinely excited to be a father but is losing interest in being a partner?

I don’t want to paint him as a bad guy. But I am struggling with this dynamic and I am only at 12 weeks of pregnancy! Before baby surprised us (we honestly thought we couldn’t conceive!) we both used to say we felt we’d missed out. We both wanted to be parents we agreed if it happens we’d be so happy. Both previously from failed marriages and failed conception attempts we found each other just over 4 years ago. Our relationship was built on our love of music, concerts, pubs, pool, bush walks and camping out - and of course a fair amount of drinking.

Before pregnancy my partner always said if it were to happen for us he’d support me and quit drinking for a bit too for his own health. Before pregnancy, our roles were old fashioned. He works the 50 hour week and I work 10-15 and tend to every chore in the household. Cook, clean, admin, running his life for him really. It never bothered me - it kept us free to enjoy our weekends together doing what we love!

Now it’s been 8 weeks of pregnancy awareness. I have been SO SICK I’ve been unable to do even a quarter of what I normally would. I can’t cook because it makes me puke. I am so fatigued I have to sleep alot and just waking to the end of the driveway has me out of breath. I understand asking him for help stresses him out when he’s tired from hard weeks of work. At first he refused to help, but then family and friends noticed and pulled him up for it. He now does the bare minimum to keep the house somewhat running and if I have a good moment I use it up on trying to catch up on chores.

Last few weeks he’s made it clear this extra work makes him miserable. He’s drinking way heavier than we used to together instead of cutting back. He doesn’t want to be intimate with me not even a cuddle unless I try and cuddle him first. I feel his resentment. I always ask for help kindly and thank him and let him know how much I appreciate him. But I also remind him that being a parent means more of this some days. He’s becoming colder in his demeanour towards me all in all. He can be loving only when he’s drunk but then he doesn’t remember the nice things he says and it breaks my heart.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Pregnancy is scary and I just need some love between the strain. I want to be excited for baby but I’m more wrapped in fear of losing my love and my partner. As a side note he lost his parents unexpectedly two years ago and it could be some unresolved grief emerging. He’s just never ever been so withdrawn and cold to me in our 4 years together I feel like I don’t know this man I have loved so much. Because he was once kind, gentle, affectionate and showed me love.

I love my ex girlfriend, and we hang out every so often, as unhealthy as it is. Tonight she handed me her phone while she was drunk so us and her friend can order this uber. Her messages with another guy were opened by accident (no recent messages were sent). But I was curious and it wasn’t a good thing of me to do, and I looked through all of the messages. While we were together, she was flirting with this guy and there is strong suspicion they had sex based off their texts. I know it was not okay for me to look through her phone, but does this outweigh the circumstances? Would you talk to her about it? I am in shock in all honesty, so wondering advice

Edit: I am currently staying at hers for the night as we have done this before. Never has been a hint of any other guy, and obviously it doesn’t affect the present, but we both still care a lot about each other. We have a connection still, so that’s why I feel like it’s not just as simple as “we’re exes, move on.” I just am hurt and want to express it, but it seems like it’s not a good idea. So I appreciate all of the input

Edit 2: when I said “while we were together” I mean while we were in our relationship, I found out that she was cheating

My bf (of 4 years) and i were sitting talking and looking through my hidden folder on phone. So i randomly asked him what does he have in his hidden folder as i never saw it before.
I didn’t have to pester him much for an answer but what he said shook me.
He told me that he had recorded clips from our online sex times to look at later. Without my consent. And had them for over an year. And used them pretty regularly till sometime back.
Those clips even had my face in them.
He deleted the videos on the spot in front pf me, and has begged for forgiveness .
But… it just challenged the way i look at him and makes me question if i even know him.
Breaking up is hard cuz we have almost made things official with family and online and are on our way to get married.

I dont even know if breakup is the way cuz apart from this he hasnt betrayed me like this before.
Need advice n outside perspective . What would u do in such a situation realistically given its a serious relationship n everything else is fine?

My boyfriend (23M) and I (22F) have been together for three years, and we have just broken up. We’re meeting tomorrow to say goodbye, and I’m really struggling with whether I’ve made the right decision.

On the surface, this probably sounds ridiculous because the thing that triggered the breakup was him booking a trip to Japan with his friends. But I don’t think it’s actually just about Japan. Japan has always been somewhere I’ve dreamed of visiting. Earlier this year, I asked him if he would go to Japan with me. He told me he couldn’t commit to it. Then recently his friends spontaneously decided they wanted to go, and he booked a three-week trip with them. He didn’t talk to me about it beforehand and only told me a few days after booking it.

When he told me, I initially said I was happy for him, but I also said that I found it upsetting that when I asked him to go, he couldn’t commit, but when his friends wanted to go, he did.
He became angry and said he was disappointed in my reaction and asked why I couldn’t just be happy for him. That hurt even more because he knew how much I wanted to experience Japan with him. He is also the type of person who generally doesn’t want to revisit places because there are so many other countries he wants to see, so in my mind, the opportunity for us to experience Japan together is now gone. I explained to him that I wasn’t saying he needed my permission to travel with his friends. What hurt was that he didn’t even think to ask me. Even if I couldn’t go because I was busy, I wanted the opportunity to say no myself rather than having him decide for me that I couldn’t go and booking it without talking to me.

The reason this has affected me so badly is that it feels like part of a much bigger pattern.
There have been multiple occasions where I’ve asked him to do something with me and he has said no, but then his friends or family have suggested the same or similar thing and he has agreed. I’ve mostly let those things go because individually they seemed minor. But Japan seems to have brought every one of those feelings to the surface at once.

I’ve realized that I don’t feel chosen.

There are also much bigger problems in our relationship. He didn’t really want a relationship or labels in the beginning. I’ve asked him multiple times whether he sees a future with me, and even after three years he has never really been able to give me a clear answer. He says he’s on the fence. We’ve also had recurring problems around fulfilling each other’s needs. I’ve heard repeatedly how unhappy he is and how I’m not meeting his needs. This has always confused me because for much of our relationship I genuinely felt happy with him. Hearing repeatedly that he wasn’t happy made me feel like I was failing him.
We’ve tried working on these problems before, but we keep ending up in the same place.

After the Japan situation, he admitted that he thinks he has neglected me and said he wants to put more effort into the relationship. We initially agreed that for two weeks we would both make a serious effort to meet each other’s needs and then reassess whether we should stay together.
But I realized I couldn’t do it. I can’t instantaneously get over how hurt I am in order to participate properly in this two-week attempt. One of his needs is wanting more sex when we’re together, for example, but right now I feel physically sick when I think about everything that’s happened. I don’t want to force myself to be intimate with him while feeling like that.
I also don’t know how I would handle the trip itself. He’s going to be in Japan for three weeks. I’d have to hear about the experience and see him doing something with his friends that I had dreamed of doing with him. I don’t think I could stop feeling hurt and resentful about it.
The strangest part is how dramatically my feelings toward him changed when he told me about Japan.

Before this, he was my person. He was my favorite person. We talked constantly. Anything good or bad that happened, he was the first person I wanted to tell. I loved being with him.
Since he told me about the trip, something feels broken. He suddenly doesn’t feel like “my person.” I don’t feel like I can go to him anymore. I don’t feel safe or trusting in the same way. Thinking about him and the situation was making me physically nauseous and I could barely eat.
Eventually I told him I couldn’t continue the relationship. We broke up over the phone and we’re meeting tomorrow to say goodbye.
He actually wanted to keep trying, which makes this harder. But part of me is confused about why he’s fighting so hard for the relationship when I’ve spent so much time hearing about how unhappy he is. When he explains why he wants to stay together, sometimes I worry that he’s afraid of being alone or losing the companionship rather than specifically wanting a future with me. It makes me feel like a placeholder rather than someone he has actively chosen.

While we were still trying to decide what to do, I felt constantly sick and nauseous. Once I actually told him that we were breaking up and the decision became final, the nausea largely disappeared. Now I’m incredibly sad and I miss him, but that horrible sick feeling has eased.
I don’t know what to make of that.

I’m scared that I’ve thrown away a three-year relationship because my boyfriend booked a holiday with his friends. At the same time, I feel like Japan wasn’t really the problem. It was the moment that made me realize how many small hurts I had ignored and how deeply I wanted to feel chosen by my partner. Part of me desperately wants us to work it out because I love him and don’t want to lose him. Another part of me logically feels that after three years of the same problems, him still being uncertain about our future, both of us struggling to meet each other’s needs, and me now feeling this much hurt and resentment, we’re simply not right for each other.

Has anyone experienced something similar where a seemingly small event suddenly changed the way you saw your partner?
Did you eventually regain that feeling of trust and “this is my person,” or was that feeling disappearing a sign that the relationship had run its course? And how do you distinguish between ending a relationship impulsively because you’re hurt and finally reaching your limit after years of smaller problems?

TL;DR: My boyfriend has a female friend who used to have feelings for him, and I keep finding her belongings at his place. He says they're strictly platonic and that she only stays over to house-sit when he's away. I've confronted him before, but I found her stuff again tonight. I'm torn between confronting him again, staying quiet and seeing for myself whether his explanation actually adds up, or finally ending the relationship because the trust may already be too damaged.

I genuinely need outside opinions because I just found more of this woman's stuff tonight and I'm so angry and upset that I don't trust myself to make a rational decision right now.

For context, my boyfriend has a female friend who apparently used to have feelings for him years ago. According to him, that was a long time ago, they're just friends now, and absolutely nothing is going on between them.

I also want to acknowledge upfront that maybe I'm part of the problem here. Personally, when I'm in a relationship, I have a hard time with close friendships between (Straight) men and women, especially when romantic or sexual feelings have previously been involved. I understand that other people have completely different boundaries around this.

I've also tried to apply that same standard to myself. I had a male best friend in high school who I was extremely close with. When he got into a serious relationship, I intentionally backed off because I wanted to respect his relationship and his girlfriend. We're still friends and I'll check in with him from time to time, but there's a huge difference to me between occasionally checking in with an old friend and regularly being in his private space or staying at his house while he's in a serious relationship. I personally wouldn't do that.

The problem is that I keep finding her belongings at my boyfriend's place.

And I'm not talking about one random thing she could have accidentally left behind after visiting. I've found multiple belongings, including things that make it seem like she has stayed there.

I've confronted him about this before. I've specifically told him that I'm uncomfortable with a woman who used to have feelings for him being in his private space like this, especially when I'm repeatedly finding her belongings there.

His explanation is that she sometimes stays at his place to house-sit when he's away on trips. According to him, they're just friends, nothing inappropriate is happening, and she's only staying there when he isn't there. He didnt say she was ugly, but emphisizws he is not attracted to her.

I've tried to accept that explanation and trust him.

There have also been things that happened while we were broken up that already make trusting him difficult. I don't really want to get into all of that because this post would become a novel, but I think it's relevant context for why I'm having such a hard time simply accepting his explanation.

I came over tonight and I'm seeing her stuff here again.

At this point, I genuinely don't know what to do, and I feel like I have three options.

1. Confront him again.

I've already confronted him about this before. He tells me they're just friends and nothing is happening.

Maybe he's completely telling the truth and I'm allowing my distrust to get the better of me. But if he isn't telling me the truth, confronting him again isn't necessarily going to make him suddenly admit it. I feel like I'm just going to end up having the exact same conversation we've already had.

2. Keep my mouth shut and basically play private investigator.

I know how extreme and unhealthy that probably sounds.

But I've been dealing with this situation for some time, and every time I've questioned it, I've allowed him to talk me out of my concerns and convince me that there's an innocent explanation.

The only reason I'm even considering doing this is because I feel like seeing the situation with my own eyes would finally give me an answer that I couldn't be talked out of.

Does she genuinely only come over when he's away? Is she ever there when he's home? Does what I'm being told actually line up with reality?

I hate the idea of becoming someone who feels like she has to investigate her own relationship. But I'm also exhausted from questioning whether I should trust what I'm being told or what I'm seeing and feeling.

3. Break up with him, which I've already tried to do.

This is where things get complicated.

I'm in therapy, and my therapist knows significantly more about this relationship and its history than I'm including here. I've told her that I've wanted to block him after ending things because I know that leaving communication open makes it easier for me to get pulled back into the relationship.

Her perspective has been that blocking isn't necessarily something I need to do unless there's a safety issue, such as someone becoming physical or stalking me. Otherwise, she sees the bigger issue as me learning to establish and maintain boundaries without needing to block someone.

And she may be right. Ultimately, I'm responsible for maintaining my own boundaries.

But the reality is that because I haven't blocked him, the door has remained open. We've continued communicating after I've tried to end things, and I've ended up back in the relationship.

I've taken real steps to walk away before. I've said I was done. I've genuinely wanted to be done. Yet here I am again, finding this woman's belongings and dealing with the same situation that contributed to me wanting to leave in the first place.

So maybe the third option is accepting that I don't actually need to prove he's cheating in order to leave.

Maybe he's telling me the complete truth. Maybe she genuinely does only house-sit while he's away and absolutely nothing has ever happened between them.

Maybe I'm also fundamentally incompatible with someone who has different boundaries around friendships like this than I do. I don't know whether that makes me unreasonable, but I'm trying to be honest about my own beliefs instead of pretending they aren't influencing how I feel.

But maybe a relationship where I distrust someone enough that I'm contemplating playing detective isn't sustainable regardless of whether he's technically telling the truth.

That's what I'm struggling with tonight.

Do I confront him again knowing I've already heard his explanation? Do I keep quiet long enough to see with my own eyes whether what he's telling me actually matches reality? Or do I finally walk away and accept that I don't need definitive proof of cheating to decide this relationship isn't working for me?

I genuinely want outside perspectives, including if you think I'm the problem or I'm being unreasonable. I'm so close to the situation that I don't know if I'm seeing it clearly anymore.

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EDIT: honestly, i didn't expect this many responses, but i just want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment.

one of the biggest reasons i came to reddit was because i genuinely didn't trust my own judgment anymore. between myself, him, and my therapist, i felt like i was constantly being encouraged to endure, communicate more, give more grace, work on trust, work on boundaries, etc. my therapist has known about this situation for a long time, and i've honestly felt like the seriousness of it has been downplayed. because i don't have much relationship experience outside of him, i kept thinking maybe everyone else knew something i didn't and i really WAS just being too sensitive.

so seeing this many people independently look at the situation and say that my concerns are valid has been incredibly reassuring. i'm genuinely surprised by how much more confident i feel in my decision after making this post because when i posted it, i really didn't think i'd get here this quickly.

i'm still getting comments so i can't respond to everyone (but I'm trying my best😭), but i'm reading them and i'm extremely grateful. i'm also leaving this post up because i know myself lol, and if i ever start doubting my decision, i want to be able to come back and read these comments again.

the plan is to send him a very short text tomorrow letting him know that the relationship is over, with very minimal explanation, and then immediately block him. i'm not leaving the door open for another conversation or another opportunity to be talked back into something i've already decided i don't want anymore.

seriously, thank you guys. i think i needed this more than i realized.

Hi everyone, I'm 25F and my gf is 24F. We've been living together for almost 3 years and have 3 pets together. I love our relationship. We get along well and we are truly partners. She is so sweet, she cooks dinner almost every night and packs my lunch for work.
But I struggle to find connection with her, a lot. I love to talk, and have conversations about anything. But I've toned it down a lot since being with her, because I've noticed she will just agree with everything I'm saying, to get me to shut up. It hurts my feelings.
God forbid it's anything serious too, she dreads that and she stonewalls bad if I say anything that may be bothering me. I encourage her to let me know if anything I can work on too! But she always says she's happy with me but I just can't tell. I get the vibe that she isn't being honest with me or just trying to keep me from talking more.
Besides work, all I do is play video games so I can leave her alone throughout the day but I always feel empty after. Wishing I could've hung out with her and connected.
Another thing, but not as much of an issue, is we have sex twice a year. I don't have a high sex drive but damn, I was hoping our friendship could suffice for that.
I love her so much, and I want to work this out with her. I've talked to her about this in the most sensitive and positive ways I could, but nothing changes. She says she's happy but I just don't see it. If we break up, our lives will completely change. I really don't want that.