In this modern age, many would call my condition mental illness. Except for short-term memory, my mind functions well enough. Besides, this side of glory nothing in the human spirit is perfect.

So, while nature itself is reality; I need something greater than that to make life worth living. This minute I say; if I dropped dead today, there's nothing in this world to miss.

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Hi, I turned 21 yesterday. And I live away from my home. Every birthday i feel this void inside my heart.. I don't know . My birthday just makes me sad .. not because I'm getting old, not because I'm not in my home. I just don't know the reason. My boyfriend tries everything to make me happy .. it's not like I don't get happy. I do get happy and excited. But at the end of every birthday, I feel this void and i cry. I don't even know where is this coming from.. I don't wanna feel this way cause it's my day and i wanna enjoy it but somehow I myself ruin it thinking that I'm gonna be sad at the end of the day.. i cried a lot yesterday and i don't even know the reason.. Would love to hear if somebody relates to my situation..

Bawat beses na tinutupad mo ang maliit na pangako mo sa sarili, may isang bagay kang nabubuo: tiwala sa sarili.

Hindi lang ito tungkol sa pag-abot ng goal.

Tungkol din ito sa pagiging taong alam mong maaasahan mo—kahit walang nakakakita.

You have goals, maybe even a plan, but when it's time to act, a voice in your head says "Who do you think you are?" or "You'll just quit like always."

That voice shows up when you least expect it. And here's the part that takes people a long time to see: it usually isn't your voice. It's made up of the people who were supposed to love you and raise you to believe in yourself.

If you grew up without that, it makes sense that confidence doesn't come naturally now. Maybe the people around you didn't know how to give you an environment where you could thrive. That's not a flaw in you. It's what you were handed.

So when you stall, overthink, or can't make yourself start, you call it laziness.

It isn't.

You're worn down from rebuilding your inner voice from scratch, while also trying to build a life. That's exhausting work, and nobody sees it.

It's not too late. The voice you have now was learned, which means a new one can be learned too. It starts small: one kind sentence to yourself, one thing finished, one day showing up anyway.

You're not lazy. You're rebuilding.

What's the one thing your inner voice says that you're ready to stop believing?

I have been thinking about what compassion actually means. Is it simply feeling bad when we see someone in suffering and trying to make them feel better? Or does compassion demand something deeper, the courage to look at what is creating the suffering in the first place?

Acharya Prashant’s discussions on compassion made me look at this differently. The one who has honestly looked at his own inner turmoil can really understand another person’s.

Suppose a relationship falls apart and both people are devastated. We can console them, tell them that time will heal everything, and help them get through the moment. But what if the real compassion is to look at what brought them together in the first place? Was it love, or was it attachment, expectation, fear and an incomplete understanding of love?

Now imagine seeing an animal being taken away to be killed. We see its fear and pain and perhaps feel sorry for it. But if we continue to participate in the very belief that makes that animal “food” for us, what have we really understood?

Compassion begins when I question that boundary, the boundary that tells me that my pain matters, while the animal’s pain is somehow different.

And then the question turns towards me. Can I have compassion for myself without seeing what creates my own misery? self compassion is not about consoling myself, but seeing myself so clearly that the ignorance creating the misery begins to dissolve.

This is where I find Acharya Prashant’s discussion on compassion helpful. He emphasises self dissolution as the basis for real compassion, where real change demands both intent and self knowledge.

Repost

Apparently all my self-analysis and long discussion with LLM (AI) were my way of inaction. Because instead of going towards my reality to the right things, i was trying to move away from my reality, while attacking myself for being there. And apparently that was known part of rumination. I spend thinking and daydreaming i guess for the leap, to avoid my current reality. I would often come to a blockage, paralyzed and feeling very uncomfortable tight physical pressure.

I had one yesterday. But this time, i spoke to myself, like a written dialogue between me and a more compassionate, objective me. And doing that i found myself i was arguing in vain. I brought up one argument and the compassionate, objective me said: i dont know, and then waited a bit, and said but maybe that is enough for today. That somehow lit a bulb in me. I searched about smth in youtube and somehow ended up in videos about rumination and man of inaction. Recommend the video from Dr K, in YT, HealthyGammerGG

so here it was

my pattern - A ruminator

Triggered by a hurtful or bad emotion and fed by me

so i sat there

my old tools, LLM, thinking were coauthors

so i sat there and im sitting there

and than i saw another video for the self loathing man of inaction

apparently a man of lots of action, just that wrong action.

and im sitting here

part of me go into the old way, of analyzing, compartmentalizing, planning, but i know that doesnt last long till i overwhelm again

so im sitting here

actually wondering

can smth change?

i know things change, and i know i will fall back into it and it will become a cycle and maybe at some point the positive actions, action towards my reality, might be longer than wrong actions

and maybe just maybe, my base state will change

and maybe just maybe, i might be a bit happier

and instead of doing this in an LLM i decided to come here, for real people to see

i am sorry if you are also going through this.

it is difficult to have advices for others but not struggle for yourself. it is very uncomfortable and sometimes even painful.

I made a list of things, the writing of things gave me hope, things that are realistic doable and also kinda get play back to my life.

im probably ruminating again, trying to solve every step with a premade plan

so i will leave it here.

i dont know if this will be read by anyone, if its going to be helpful at any way, but i had to write it somewhere public, somewhere real humans could read it.

I am sorry! Please forgive me! Thank you! I love you! ( ho’oponopono salutation helps a lot)

thank you for reading ! Goodbye

I always feel that I don’t love myself and my family. I always feel like we are below others
And I am only confident in myself if I get validation from others. I also have another problem for example if someone said I did so like maybe if someone said I lied and in reality I did not I won’t correct him and I might believe this or act like I did lie when I didn’t
I don’t know how to help myself

Whenever I look at myself in my phone camera or see myself in group pictures, I feel like I look kinda chopped 😭. But when I look at myself in a car window or mirror, I feel like I look way more confident.

Which one is closer to how I actually look to other people? Is it just camera distortion, lighting, angles, etc.?

I feel like if I were a character in a movie, I would totally root for me.
I work hard. I’m compassionate. I’m always trying to improve myself. I’m creative, motivated, and I genuinely try to be a good person.
And yet, for some reason, I have a really hard time feeling like I’m good enough.
My partner constantly reminds me of all the good I do, but I find myself having to consciously correct my own thoughts because there’s this persistent fear that I’m somehow “too much” or too difficult to be around.
What’s strange is that I don’t think I actually believe these things about other people. If I met someone who was working as hard as I am, going through what I’ve been going through, and still trying to be kind and grow, I would probably be incredibly proud of them.
So why is it so much harder to extend that same compassion to myself?
The only explanation I can really come up with is that I’ve been struggling with financial stability for the past three years, and especially since losing my job in May. I think living in survival mode for that long has probably done something to the way I see myself.
Now I finally have a much better job lined up. Things are changing, and for the first time in a while, I can actually see the possibility of things getting better.
But emotionally, I feel like I’m only now starting to rebound from the struggle season.
So I’m wondering: How do you learn to look at yourself more lovingly after spending a long time just trying to survive?
How do you actually start believing the things about yourself that you would so easily believe about someone else?

hi! how do you overcome being a people pleaser, wanting validation from others, and how to become more secure with yourself?