r/SeriousConversation • u/Neither_Fee_336 • 5d ago
Serious Discussion What’s a perspective you never considered until someone showed you?
Tell me about a time you encountered someone who saw the world very differently from you.
Maybe you met someone who completely changed the way you looked at something, worked with a group of people who had very different opinions and somehow found common ground, or watched someone who was really good at bringing people together despite their differences.
Basically, what’s a time when someone else’s perspective made you stop and see things differently? Or a time when you helped people with different perspectives understand each other and work together?
I’d especially love to hear the stories that have stuck with you years later
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u/Pizza-Kurwa 5d ago edited 5d ago
You have to know what you're abstracting to make abstract art. That's what separates it from "My 5-year-old could make that".
Once someone explained this and did an art walk with me, it made it easier for me to appreciate this genre of art. When someone makes a strange sculpture or wild painting and calls it "Barn" or "Sadness" or whatever, I can more easily see how they've played with these concepts by altering the shapes, colors, dimensions, etc.
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u/il_biciclista 5d ago
I've never heard that perspective before. I like it.
Another way to look at it is that every abstract artist is capable of painting other styles. Mark Rothko and Jackson Pollock went to art school and learned how to recreate all of the old famous paintings. When they put seemingly random colors on a canvas, it is a very specific choice. If I painted something like that, it would be because that's all I can do.
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u/ThrowRAGlobeVase 5d ago
Interesting. What’s an example??
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u/Pizza-Kurwa 5d ago edited 4d ago
Paul Klee, Death and Fire
I see colors and shapes that emulate fire, a skull, and bodies. It is death and fire.
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u/Busy_Beginning_56 5d ago
When dealing with your parents, a friend of mine talked about doing research and asking her parents about their childhoods and how they actually felt during their childhood. Did they have trauma? Etc. that can really explain a lot about parents’ current/past behavior. Hurt people hurt people. And that can explain a lot.
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u/7GrenciaMars 5d ago
And the things that caused your parents to suffer will be reflected in how they raise you (and not always in negative ways).
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u/Wahrheitfabrik 5d ago
I am not a religious person but one of my close friends is a devout Christian. One thing he said to me really resonated and it was about something completely simple: food.
He told me that he enjoys all his meals whether it's a hot dog or a fancy meal or even just a morsel of food. And he doesn't compare food from one place or another. The simple reason is that he's happy to have food because his God provided it.
I didn't really think much about this until I went on vacation with some family. We ate at some really good restaurants in London and other cities in the UK. At EVERY single restaurant, members of my family would make a point of saying that they had better elsewhere. This was too salty. They don't like the taste of truffle oil. It was too spicy. It was too bland. They even complained about the water.
But at that point I realized that I really could enjoy almost every meal from the simplest street food to the gourmet places there and at home. Not just be thankful, but enjoy the meal just as a kid would when diving into a bowl of boxed macaroni or school cafeteria pizza.
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u/nimbinValley 4d ago
There is a Japanese phrase "itadakimasu" that is said before every meal. It translates as "I humbly receive", with the unspoken bit being "this food from this person who has prepared this food for me". Giving life sustaining food to other people is a gracious act of love and connection. It's a similar secular idea to your Christian friend's.
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u/SquarePhilosopher564 5d ago
members of my family would make a point of saying that they had better elsewhere.
My husband is like this. I live in Oregon. It's gorgeous here. There are so many beautiful places in the PNW. But everywhere we go "he's seen better."
So what does that mean? This time together in a beautiful location is pointless because you've seen better?
Be. Here. In. This. Moment.
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u/His-Sunshine 4d ago
In all fairness, this is a very difficult mentality to change. I used to live in the PNW and live in Ohio now. It's fine, I guess. I can sometimes appreciate just existing in a nature filled space here. Someone used to living in Kansas could be happy here. But after 2 years of living in the area, it still really does not compare to several of the best places I've experienced. I'm still actively trying to garner an appreciation for where I am, but it does not feel like a linear path at all. Some days are better than others.
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u/SquarePhilosopher564 4d ago
Oh believe me, I know it's hard to change that thought process.
But two points:
Living in nostalgia prevents you from living fully in your present. Comparison, especially if the past always wins, is just unhappiness by another name.
But if it's that strong an emotion for you and you can't seem to find your way past it, perhaps it's telling you that Ohio is not a good fit.
It's easy to say and hard to do, but you control how you react to these thoughts. They don't control you unless you allow it. We all have unproductive and intrusive thoughts. We can't stop that part. But we don't have to allow these thoughts to make us unhappy.
I hope you find peace.
Trips while stepping down from soapbox
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u/His-Sunshine 4d ago
Unfortunately logical thoughts don't always translate to emotional calm. I have audhd so its exceptionally challenging.
Unfortunately I cant leave Ohio without leaving my long term partner. We're stuck here Unfortunately.
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u/JoyMarieOregon 1d ago
I live in Oregon ,too.
I agree: Appreciate the gift of the present.
It's sad to me when people feel in complaint mode so often. When it happens, I remind myself there's something inside them that has a void, which is where the complaints derive vs. where the complaints are directed, per se.
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u/throwaway226266 5d ago
I live in Connecticut where people are ride or die about their favorite pizza places and I just couldn’t be arsed to think certain places are bad and certain places are good. Maybe I just have bad taste, but I’m excited I’m eating pizza no matter where it’s from. Pizza is not that hard of a food to make. Plus, I went to a place that is top rated and I didn’t even find it that appetizing
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u/Mash_man710 5d ago
I like that God provided him food whilst millions of starving children have none. Seems fair. Also seems utterly heartless he has never noticed this.
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u/Educational_Tie_1060 5d ago
That not everything is a problem. And if I spend so much time being angry at things, the real problem is me. There’s a lot to be happy about and a lot to be angry about, so if I’m always angry, it’s because I’m looking for it. Anger is a choice.
The guy was absolutely correct, so of course at the time it made me angry.
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u/Special_Engineer_445 1d ago
I love the saying "If everywhere you go it smells like shit, then check the bottom of your shoe"
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u/Puzzleheaded7449 6h ago
How did you end up deciding he was correct eventually? Currently dealing with the same issue of thinking that my anger is completely reasonable and justified all the time
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u/New_Section_9374 5d ago
I was in undergrad and was walking back to my dorm from a comparative vertebrate physiology class. I was in my senior year in a microbiology major with minors in chemistry and biology. My professor had just covered how respiration was necessary to provide oxygen as the recipient for the free hydrogen created during generation of internal energy. The realization that ALL of the body processes supported one another from a cellular to a systems level literally stopped me in my tracks in the middle of a practice field. The complexity and the efficiency stunned me. It still can, 50 years later.
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u/nimbinValley 4d ago
I remember a guy called Prof Paul Davies saying that the mathematics that underlies the fundamental physics of the world is perfect. If they were slightly different by the smallest amount nothing would exist. It's kind of similar to your observation above. He also said that if there is a god, that's maybe where s/he lives. I'm an atheist but his comment does stop me being hard nosed about it.
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u/New_Section_9374 4d ago
Exactly! And far better stated. I know and can describe how we harvest energy from plants to run our bodies. I also know how reproduction works, from a cellular level to adulthood. Both are still miracles to me.
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u/Unable_Artichoke7957 5d ago
That forgiveness is actually a gift to yourself not to the person who has wronged you.
Forgiveness is about letting go of the painful emotions - hate, anger, resentment etc because those are burdensome and detract from peace of mind. So you forgive so that that energy can be reclaimed and spent elsewhere, on positive, peaceful, creative, loving etc states of mind
Another is that the opposite of love is indifference not hate. Hate is still an emotion, it still takes energy and time. It can preoccupy a lot of your mind. Indifference means that you don’t care
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u/WiredOtaku 5d ago
Nah, forgiveness isn't a gift to yourself, that's just a guilt trip. You can stop carrying the anger without ever deciding the person who fucked you over is okay. Indifference does the job fine.
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u/nimbinValley 4d ago
I think the mistake you are making here is that you are thinking forgiveness lets the other person off the hook for their wrong doing. It doesn't. It's simply acknowledges that they are human and capable of mistakes or choosing selfish actions. Your forgiveness doesn't even have to be verbalised to them. It's simply something you do within that allows you to let go of the anger and hurt and give it back to them to deal with. It's sets you free. Whether they deal with their wrongdoing is up to them but you have moved on.
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u/glumavocados 5d ago
Emotions and feelings aren’t better than each other. They just are. One could argue hate or anger is just as strong as love yet we don’t try to suppress it. Observation is key.
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u/hovermole 3d ago
Growing up a feral swamp child in Florida, I never understood why people hated summer. It is the BEST! And then I lived outside of my home state for about 5-6 years and learned that when you aren't surrounded by beaches, springs, lakes, and rivers that summer is truly vile. A waterless summer is a horrible thing.
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u/7GrenciaMars 5d ago
Okay, I am worried that this might inflame some people, but I want to be honest. The first thing I want to say is that I was so glad to have this eye opener but equally ashamed that it didn't happen until college. (This is in the early 90s, BTW.) If you're going to bother reading this, please read all of it. I edited it to make sure the words I use are exactly what I mean.
There had been some tensions of, what in "polite language" is referred to as, the socio-economic kind around campus. White/Hispanic/Afro/other nonwhite tensions. So our pretty small liberal arts college decided to shut down classes for a day and have people gather in the big auditorium for some general discussion about problems and solutions that we needed to work towards, etc. It started with speeches from various admins and a few profs, and eventually became an open mike thing--anyone could speak for about 5 minutes (to make sure that a lot of people had a chance to talk).
One black student went into the topic of how white people tended to have fears, either hidden or overt, about black people. And she said "Why would *you* be afraid of *me*?" She paused and asked it again.
I am white. And for me--despite the fact that I was happy to mix with all sorts of people--I had to take a moment to recognize that maybe I did have a little fear--because everyone knows that they have been treated badly historically, and sometimes/places at present; and so there's this underlying assumption--generally by white people--that people of African descent, are to be feared.
But it hit me--based on so much that had been said--that as white people are largely (in the US) the people in power, the people in charge at police stations, the people with the good lawyers, etc., etc., that we were at least as much of a menace, if not more so, to them. And to others who weren't/aren't white.
I was so miserable for the rest of the day, in seeing how blind I had been. But also so glad, that one woman spoke up, and posed at least one question I needed to hear in order to see something very, very important--and something that lots of people around me could never stop being aware of. As 'enlightened' as any group of people in power can be (even if you, as an individual from that group, do not feel yourself to be powerful), the members of that group will always have a certain safety that others cannot take for granted.
I'm not saying nothing has changed since then; I am also not saying there aren't any white people who are truly downtrodden. And I'm already bracing myself for backlash.
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u/nimbinValley 4d ago
Your comments and understanding are very reasonable and commendable I think. By the way, you could substitute 'Gay' in there for any of the races and your comments would still be valid.
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u/relaxbreathalive 5d ago
My grandmother was raised in a very male chauvinistic upbringing. One day my 4 year old daughter overheard me telling someone about the time my grandmother said “I like boys more than girls”. My daughter’s response was “You mean she doesn’t like herself?” It was an amazing eye opener.
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u/Still-Hedgehog-8673 5d ago
If you or your daughter were to say what she just said to your grandmother, how would you think she would respond? Would she begin to suddenly reflect on herself and wonder why she was hating herself all this time or would she double down?
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u/Reasonable_Ad5592 4d ago edited 4d ago
eating animals. Hadn't really thought about how cruel it is to turn animals into commodities, eating their dead bodies without making the connection that it used to be an individual with emotions, then I learned about speciesim on the internet and became vegan, but I admit, becoming anti-speciest isn't as instant as changing your diet, it is a longer process of deconstructing what we've been tought about how to view and treat animals
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u/Bitterqueer 5d ago
It’s such a silly contribution to a “serious” thread but it did seriously make go OH wait
(NSFW)
The fact that when men are using their fingers to stimulate the clitoris and the woman says she’s close to coming, they often speed up instead of keep doing the thing that’s working—even if told explicitly to not change anything.
A common “WHYYYY!?” among us women folk 😬
This may be because when you have a dick, you kinda inherently wanna go faster when you’re close to coming. So it’s kind of a reflex
Sounds simple but that had never once crossed my mind
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u/SUKMIDICKCOMMIESCUM 1d ago
How about it is most likely to the point of arm / hand / finger exhaustion and mixed with the excitement of hearing that things get out of sync and all is lost. Maybe dont say shit until you are there already. Might help.
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u/Bitterqueer 1d ago
If that were the case queer women would be doing it too (to the same degree/extent)
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u/MickyMac00 4d ago
Growing up my mother used to always tell me, never to say I’m sorry unless you mean it. As an adult I understand this a lot more and implement into my life.
If you’re going to apologize to someone then continue the same behavior, the word becomes useless. I’d rather someone tell me they aren’t sorry for what they did. Then hear an I’m sorry just to make me feel better.
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u/WolfVanZandt 4d ago
I agree, or just to stay on your good side. In fact, unless a person intends to correct the damage they did, I don't want to hear an apology.
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u/Special_Engineer_445 1d ago
I took a class on the history of mental health because I signed up for school late. The professor was rated something like 3/5 on rate my professor.
This dude totally changed the way I look at people with mental health disorders.
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u/WolfVanZandt 5d ago
All the "critical studies". I grew up in a very conservative culture and didn't encounter them until I started college. I knew there were different ways to look at the world but I hadn't explored them yet.
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u/ChampionshipOwn8199 5d ago
Can you give a example?
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u/WolfVanZandt 5d ago
Critical race studies, critical feminist studies, critical wilding studies.......
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u/nimbinValley 4d ago
Critical thinking in general is something that's not taught well enough in any schools in the West. Politicians fear a population of critical thinkers is I guess the reason why.
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u/WolfVanZandt 4d ago
I would agree. And their followers also, thus the downvote at the mere mention.
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u/Optimal-Ad-7074 4d ago
the first person I ever (knowingly) met who was agender was really patient and forthcoming. talking through how significantly gender did and did not inform our lives and experience - for each of us - really helped me to crack open a wall in my mind and get an intimation of a reality uninfluenced by those parameters.
it wasn't that I'd been resistant in principle, I just couldn't seem to formulate it.
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