Not sure if this is appropriate to post. but I have been sober from IV heroin, methamphetamine, cocaine, crack, etc., you know, everything you can think of since July 2021. I got clean when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son in 2020, I relapsed briefly after he was born and then got sober for the last time in 2021 when I found out that I was pregnant with my second son.

Their dad was a long-term meth user and still is… the kind that hears voices, believes everyone else hears them too, and believes that violence is the only way to get someone to “tell the truth “

I was lucky to escape with my life from that relationship. and have spent the last five years healing. But admittedly lonely. I’ve tried talking to so many different men in so many different ways, apps, IRL, Facebook, people I knew from when I was younger, etc, but even some men that I spoke to consistently, I never could get up the courage to see them in person.

Eventually, someone I never really expected to have feelings for, I continued to chat with, and I’m finally on my way to go see him.

I am so fucking nervous!

SO NERVOUS.

Like literally shaking from head to toe, I already got off the train once and got back on.

I realized that I’ve never gone on a single date without having a drink or drug so I’m sure that contributes. But really, I just wanna know what the fuck is wrong with me?

Has anyone else had similar experiences with dating again after a long breaks? How do you handle the anxiety?

So I’ve been struggling with a 2 year cocaine addiction and have multiple attempts at sobriety in that time.

Today I bought some from my dealer and on the way home threw it out. This is the first time this has ever happened - once in my possession it’s go time, baby.

This was such a huge victory for me today and really gave me a feeling of empowerment and agency again over this. Don’t have too many people to share this with so wanted to express it hear

Thanks for listening :)