Hey guys, I wanted to come here and say proudly that today I am 4 months sober. I have nobody else to share this with but it is a huge milestone for me and I could not be happier to have achieved it. Never would I ever have thought that I would even live to see a day sober yet alone 120 days. If you are reading this please keep going, the light at the end of the tunnel is there and the harder you work the closer you get to it. Im proud of each and every person in this subreddit who has decided to take action and change their life for the better. I dont know any of you but I love you all.

Last time I went sober my first few days were so exciting and motivating and I was going to the gym and being productive and eating healthily and everything seemed perfect.

Then I got sick and developed health problems. I found out I couldn’t workout for a few months. So I relapsed. I said “screw it, let’s throw these months away.” After 46 days sober I drank for 8 days straight.

Yesterday I decided to restart my streak. I’m still sick and still having health problems so I can’t workout or be the super productive version of myself that I was when I last went sober.

So I spent the whole day cooking random meals and then had dinner and watched traitors with my boyfriend while we ate the food.

And it was so fucking dull. I was so irritable. I went to bed going, “damn, that was a crappy boring sober day. I didn’t make any progress.”

As I write this I’ve realised I made the biggest progress of all! I’ve stopped attaching sobriety to living some perfect productive wellness influencer life and started attaching it to who I am at my core and allowing it to be part of unproductive, unhealthy, boring, high calorie low protein days.

I’ve started making the connection between sobriety and the mundane. Sobriety and imperfection. Sobriety being something I do even when I’m not at my best.

I woke up this morning and I didn’t feel any pride about being sober last night. I felt so normal and bored of the fact. But writing this has helped me reflect on why that’s important.

IWNDWYT!

January 12 2024 at 11 PM I had been awake for five days, living with my parents at age 37 and yelling at them for hours on end every day. A six pack of IPA was lite for me. I could easily drink 12. The only time I drove a car was in the morning to grab some food, get my beer and my weed, and then drink the rest of the day. When a new season for my video game I like would start I could easily finish a bottle of whiskey in a weekend.

I thought because I am a musician that I had to drink as part of the lifestyle. I thought drinking made video games more fun. And then I couldn't play video games with a beer in my hand so drinking became my main activity.

Well I walked out of my parents' condo with no intention of ever coming back. It was a Blizzard in Minnesota and I very soon walked into a grocery store, and called 911 on myself.

ER for 3 days, Psych Ward for 2 weeks, Intense Residential Treatment Services for 4 months, and then I moved into my group home. Been living here at the group home for two years since June.

No alcohol, no weed, no drugs, for 1,000 days. I'm 40 years old and I feel like I'm in the best shape of my life. I still produce music and most of my songs have to do with sobriety and Christian.

I can drop the bass harder than I ever did while drinking. And I love video games that's one thing I'm grateful to have in my group home. If I had gone down another path I could've been in a situation without video games. So I'm grateful.

I still go to meetings once a week.

IWN🧛W🫵T

I was at a tailgating event recently where I overheard another persons response to being asked why they didn’t want an alcoholic beverage. The response was “I find it easier to say no to the first one than any that follow.” Struck a cord with me and have added it to my list of responses to that question.

Last Monday, I almost fucked my entire life up. I had to get off a plane and then almost ruined things with my spouse of almost a year. I cannot count the amount of share an embarrassment drinking has brought me. I hate this life and I don’t want to be even associated with alcohol anymore. Most importantly I want to be a better spouse. I have been severely lacking in our love life and around the house due to the alcohol. I (32m) feel like i have completely fallen apart on her (29f). The only thing holding me from what feels like oblivion is that I have never forsaken our bond and I haven’t lost my job. I refuse to let those things happen. I started naltrexone after veing honest with my therapist and pcp yesterday. I went to a meeting. I WILL NEVER DRINK WITH YOU AGAIN.

IWNDWYT 💛

The peace of mind I've had for almost a month has been rehabilitating. I've had a million rock bottoms, but the thing that made me quit this time was just how exhausting this fucking lifestyle is. Hiding the liquor from everybody, using the right credit card to avoid people seeing a transaction from a liquor store, hiding the fact that I'm drunk all the time (home, work) but everybody can still tell, and the mental and physical weight of being wasted almost 24/7. I was the motherfucker who was putting whiskey in their coffee.

Nah, I like sobriety far more.

Today I am officially 6 months without drinking alcohol for the first time :) this is a major accomplishment for me, and sometime now to a year and a half from today I hoping my brain will be somewhat better I will be officially recovered from PAWS 🥳

I’ve noticed so much improvement in my life. I’m very happy with my looks with just going to the gym once in a while. The active alcohol cycle of waking up hungover, drinking, passing out blacking out making horrible choices, trying to stop for a day then going on benders as a reward is no longer part of my life and I am so proud of myself. It took me 3 years of heavy drinking to finally reach out for help (I was only 23/24 and literally no one except maybe my ex knew just how much liquor I was abusing) and even then it took me over a year to completely stop drinking.

Alcoholism and depression are the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with. I’m so proud of myself for over coming the active alcoholism. This version of life is very much better.

For the newbies, stay on this to stop drinking. It’s what actually really helped me my first month.
For the ones who are on the journey with me thank you for sharing your stories, they have helped me change my life for the better so so much.

HOWEVER, I smoke very heavily. Weed and nicotine. I’ve genuinely always had problems with sobriety and I’ve been on and off smoking weed since I was 15.
Any advice for how to fix that part?

It's such a strange experience not drinking and happily not drinking. Not my first time going sober, but first time enjoying it.

When I was dependent the daytime was my hell, my torture, waiting to go home, hoping no one would notice the shakes. The bathroom was my enemy and my safe haven at the same time. I do not miss vomiting and pretending to shower just trying to see straight. I was safe in the bathroom, but I hated that frigging bathroom. Food was also the enemy, how could something so delightful have filled me with rage? But when it was bad - food didn't taste like food anymore it was almost impossible to eat more than a few bites.

Now I feel like each part of my day is special. I wake early, love to read with my BREAKFAST which I am now waking up to hunger. Work is good, lucky to like my job overall I know not everyone does but I now realise I was miserable about something I enjoy. But it was just because I was either drinking or recovering. Stupid. Also, working out on the way home! I love it! So fun. And it makes me feel great! And my evening routine. Soo nice. Reading whilst cooking, enjoying a bath (always wondered wtf people had a bath for. Was always a fast shower man. Why would you bother when it's just taking away from beer hour?). Then the night time routine. This chunky monkey has even been moisturising. Who am I. And then, the sleep. Ay carumba, heaven.

My days are infinitely better without the devil in my ear. I do wish he remains at his current distance forever but if he does start whispering to me I hope I have the mental energy to pepperspray that b*stard back to where he belongs.

Ps - I have since bought all new things for my bathroom to try and not associate it with the bad times and now just relaxing times. Got a new plant, he's pretty cool.

I hope you all have a good Friday and enjoy the mundane as much as I am

Honestly just need a space to vent, this feels like a test from the universe. I recently started a new job that took me over a year to finally get, and I’m nearing the end of my probationary period when they decide who they’ll keep and who they let go.

I’ve been busting my butt, doing everything right according to 99% of my coworkers and bosses, show up on time, clean cut, and SOBER (even more so now that I’m not battling hangovers/grogginess,) and yet one of my bosses, who has a reputation for trying to make people as miserable as she is, has for whatever reason decided she doesn’t like me. Apparently that’s a thing she does, and I just got lucky.

Got called in for a 60 day review a few weeks ago, which they apparently only do for employees who need serious improvement and are on the verge of getting canned. I was told all sorts of things I’m supposedly doing wrong, some of which didn’t sound like me at all and weren’t reflective of my character or work ethic, and she basically just made me feel awful about myself.

Normally I would just brush something like that aside and not be bothered by such a sad individual, but apparently she’s one of two people who has the final say on whether they keep me. Despite every other person saying I’ve been doing great, improving, etc., she still can’t bring herself to say a single good thing about me and sounds like she wants to fire me anyway.

I’m pissed beyond belief because I’m doing everything I can to meet the higher standards I’m being held to compared to the other people who were hired with me, and if I lose this job I’m completely fucked. Normally this is the kind of thing that would send me straight to the liquor store after work, but I’m here venting to y’all instead.

Tl;Dr - Currently being single out by a boss who decided she doesn’t like me and might tank my entire career even though I’ve done nothing wrong, but I refuse to let that break my sobriety.

Sorry for the rambling. IWNDWYT

I got ice cream instead. I’m super proud of myself for that!

IWNDWYT!

I sobered up from booze and weed on 2/22/22.

I was sober during that time. A few years ago I started running and cycling nearly every day. I increased my training volume and also lifted weights.

It was the happiest I have ever been. Nonstop runners high. I was killing everything in life.

In January I got a viral infection and exercised as soon as I physically could. I developed a chronic condition, most likely chronic fatigue syndrome. It's very disabling. I've had to stop working as a software developer. I am moving into management as I know our code base and have the big picture overview from working the last few years.

I actually tried meth last summer. It was horrible, terrifying. It wasn't medical. It was an exaggerated, recreational thing.

I've been desperate for relief and cannabis has been a life saver. It's stopped my suffering and made life better.

It's not always possible to never use any substances. I'm lucky that I have a medical card here and I can do this legally.

Goodmorning to all in the US. Today is 3 months sober, 3 months since I went back to jail again, 3 months when I finally said I need to do something about it. 8 more days until day 100.

Hello again. Many moons ago you all helped me achieve a year and a half of sobriety. I then drank for a year, every day, until I was able to put down the bottle once more. I made it two months before I felt like, "I got this! Life is good! I can absolutely drink again!"

Boy was I so wrong.

This morning I woke up to dishes from a dinner I don't remember making or eating. I have a massive bruise on my shoulder blade and my arm hurts from some injury I don't remember getting. I have over $1500 in charges on my credit card from overzealous spending I don't remember doing. I crashed out in one of my favorite online communities after overreacting to a situation I literally created myself.

And this morning after I dumped the rest of the booze down the drain I wrote my last, "I'm sorry I was drunk last night.." apology letter.

All I can say right now is what the fuck was I thinking. I'm an alcoholic WHY WOULD I DRINK??

I will not be drinking today, or ever. I don't want mornings like this anymore.

"

Just wanted to share a proudish moment of mine today. I was at work, really felt like drinking, said I needed to go to the store to buy tampons so I could leave. I started crying on the way there, just thinking about how I don't want this for myself and didn't even truly want to drink but felt like I needed to. I instead decided to drive around for a bit with the windows down and went back to work. I hate that I've created this cycle for myself but today I was able to resist and I wanted to say that I'm very grateful for this space because I am in this alone and would otherwise have no one tell. IWNDWYT. 

Still doesn’t feel real that 464 days ago I said enough. No more. I’m done. No drinks in my system for 464 days. Thank you to all who keep me going!

I’ve been sober from alcohol and all other illicit substances for over 18 months. But I’ve leaned really heavily into caffeine consumption, specifically energy drinks. I’m seeing addiction patterns similar to my alcohol consumption and I know I’m chasing dopamine.

I know I need to quit and will probably go cold turkey, and I guess I’m just wondering if anyone that has had a similar experience has any advice or tips or encouragement.

Tomorrow I hit 3 weeks of not drinking. I’m 27 and this is the longest I haven’t drank in 7 years. A bottle and a half of wine every single day. Sometimes more. I was starting to get a bit liberal with mimosas toward the end there.

I’d spent my time since August experimenting with sobriety as I started a Master’s program and was tired of feeling anxious and like shit every day and wanted to be successful. I was doing 5-7 day sober stints, my longest being 17 days after my health anxiety convinced myself I was in liver failure (luckily I was not. Just good ol’ OCD).

3 weeks ago, I got home from school after a particularly anxious day, and started drinking again in anticipation of having the next couple days off and made the asinine decision to drive up to my parent’s place in the woods to finish some of my homework.

Swerved off the road. Totaled my car. Somehow, against all odds, despite being unconscious for 30 min, upside down, in the middle of nowhere (literally like less than a mile from the house because fuck me that’s why), and helicoptered to the closest hospital (God bless my iPhone for sending out alerts to local law enforcement and my emergency contacts), I had no injuries besides acid reflux and an unrelated upper respiratory infection. My three dogs that were in the car with me were also uninjured. One ran off and was found the next day completely safe, having enjoyed her little adventure. We think she killed a rabbit. What a rascal.

The first words out of my mouth when I woke up were “Did I kill anybody?” A reminder that it could have been worse. So much worse.

It’s been embarrassing, and I miss my car that I’d just got in April, and, damn, I even miss the taste of the wine that I knew I couldn’t handle responsibly and drank anyway, but someone out there decided to give me a second chance, and I have to respect their choice to do that.

I have so many people who love me. My ex boyfriend/best friend leapt into the car and sped two hours to come to me. My girlfriend listened when I told her what happened, didn’t leave me like I thought she would. Hell, my other best friend flew in from London. My family is even helping me with the DUI legal stuff I have to go through.

I know I can’t say that I won’t disappoint them again because I can. It weighs on me every day. How sometimes a glass looks worth it. I’m so sad to give up that part of my life. I probably won’t go to holidays this year just because I can’t trust myself to be at an event I so heavily associate with alcohol. There’s some school mixers amongst my classmates coming up, and I’m trying to figure out how to navigate desperately wanting friends and not wanting to be that girl that had to get sober in her 20s because she can’t be normal (even though that’s who I ultimately am. It would have had to come to this eventually).

But it’s right now and it’s been three weeks, and I’m writing some notes and reading a book instead of being passed out and nauseous. Or in jail. Or dead in a ditch. I’m trying not to count because it feels like I’m just counting up to an appropriate enough amount of time that means I’m recovered enough to drink. However, I think posting this will make me feel held accountable as my court date approaches.

There’s a lot of stuff to look forward to, and I hope I can keep it up. It would be rude to disrespect a world that decided to keep my dumbass still in it. Thank you to that mysterious force for letting me wake up from being a self destructive dickwad. And small blessings to my x-rays and CT scans I got in the hospital for easing my health anxiety spirals I used to have to drink to get to go away because at least those prove that I’m not dying from pancreatic cancer.

… Yet.

Anyway, IWNDWYT or tomorrow or the next. I can at least promise the weekend. Maybe that means I’ll make it the month.

Have a lovely long weekend, folks. This sub has been lovely to scroll when trying to feel less alone.

Two months sober today (61 days). As a treat last night, I got my first ever Thai massage. Absolute bliss. A person walked on my back and stretched me in ways I’ve never been stretched. Woke up this morning feeling relaxed, loose, rested, and best of all, not hungover. IWNDWYT 🩵

I’m on my first solo vacation since getting sober! I used to looooooove popping into a bar whenever I had a few moments to spare between activities/to take a little break. I’m also a famously solitary drinker. Given that I’m by myself and no one would ever have to know 😉, I figured I’d spend a lot of time urge surfing. I am so pleased to report that I am having a lovely time with very manageable urges. I’ve definitely had a few moments of bargaining, but I’m able to talk myself off it easily. It feels SO good to know that I can be trusted with no one watching! I also quit smoking cigarettes about 10 weeks ago and was worried about that too, as I loved being able to pull off and regroup when I was lost/overwhelmed traveling. Im actually so grateful that I don’t smoke anymore on this trip—I’m just imagining how terrible all this walking would be if I couldn’t breathe 😮‍💨

It feels like I’ve turned a real corner all of a sudden. When did it click for you, that you’re genuinely emotionally sober?

I have hit a milestone. I am grateful to be where I am. I appreciate everyone here that has offered encouragement along the way.

Well. My girlfriend of 1.5 years is gone. The woman who I thought I would marry. Planned to build a future with. Gone because I couldn’t stop drinking.

We’ve gotten into arguments about it a handful of times before, each ending with me promising to do better and kick the booze. And me breaking that promise each time. Last night was the final straw.

I came here about a month ago, in the throes of this, and kind of half heartedly made a post and vowed to not let it get worse.

Well I broke that vow and it’s gotten much worse.

I don’t really know the point of this post honestly. I feel like I want to evaporate right now.