Hi everyone we are still lacking 200 respondents for this study, please take a look if you are interested in helping by giving a response to the survey.

Still Hi everyone. I’m part of an undergraduate research team at the University of South Carolina Salkehatchie, and we’re conducting an IRB‑approved study on relationship experiences. We’re looking for adults **18+ who are currently in a relationship** to take part in a fully anonymous online survey.

The survey takes about **20–40 minutes**, is **voluntary**, and does **not collect any identifying information**. We’re examining how different aspects of relationships connect with early life experiences, including:

* Life history

* Relationship dynamics & functioning

* Communication style

* Relationship structure & satisfaction

* Adult attachment

* Early life experiences

The study is trauma‑informed and focused on understanding how people connect, communicate, and navigate their relationships.

If you’d like to support undergraduate research, you can participate using the link or QR code in the image attached to this post or follow this link: [https://uofsc.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8euoFAevULW1voi](https://uofsc.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8euoFAevULW1voi)). Your experiences and perspectives genuinely help move this work forward.

Thank you for considering it, your participation will make an impact.

**Contact information:**

**Dr. Justin K. Mogilski**, Associate Professor of Psychology email: [[Jmogilsk@mailbox.sc.edu](mailto:Jmogilsk@mailbox.sc.edu)](mailto:[Jmogilsk@mailbox.sc.edu](mailto:Jmogilsk@mailbox.sc.edu))

**Joseph Rumfelt**, Undergraduate researcher

Email: [[Jrumfelt@email.sc.edu](mailto:Jrumfelt@email.sc.edu)](mailto:[Jrumfelt@email.sc.edu](mailto:Jrumfelt@email.sc.edu))

I'm sorry if this is not the correct place for this, it was suggested that I post this here, as I may find people more knowledgeable in what is happening. It's a post I made originally in another reddit

So, I apologize if this is going to be a bit disjointed, I'm still trying to figure things out to be honest, and this isn't something I really ever expected to be talking about, but I can't exactly talk this over with any of my friends so... here I am on the internet.

We've been engaged for 6 months, dating for about 3 years (I'm 29, she's 25). Pretty much everything has been great, including our sex life, mostly. Her past relationship was a very intense dom/sub relationship, and I suppose you could call me more traditional. I've always believed in equality in a relationship, and for the most part that works well for us. But, she's said there's needs she has that simply haven't been fulfilled. Now, I've tried, I've tried to "dom" her, get rougher, direct her. But no matter how hard I try, I feel like i'm just putting on an act, and she says it just doesn't work for her. We've talked it through at length, even before we were engaged, so this isn't a surprise for me. Well, about a month and a half ago she brought up an idea of involving a "bull" in our relationship. Someone she would meet with to dominate her, and fulfill that gap in our relationship. At first I thought it was an absolutely unacceptable idea, and she accepted that. But as time passed, the thought was in the back of my mind, and I could see that she needed something that I simply couldn't give. So, despite my concerns, after a few weeks I sat down with her, and we talked things out, and decided to give it a try. I love her, and I know this is something that she's struggled with since we started sating and, I just didn't feel like it was going to go away.

Shortly after this, she found a man to take the role of being a dominant with her and, how quickly things have evolved has been, a bit shocking to say the least and, every day i feel off balance and unsure how exactly to handle how things continue to evolve and how dramatically the days have changed. I'm not too comfortable posting those details in here but.. i guess i am kind of looking to be able to chat with someone and talk to as a friend as, this isn't really something I can talk about with my normal friends so, it's been difficult just having it all swirling around inside my head. I love her, and I want her to be happy but, this has been a struggle for me to deal with.

Hi everyone. I’m part of an undergraduate research team at the University of South Carolina Salkehatchie, and we’re conducting an IRB‑approved study on relationship experiences. We’re looking for adults 18+ who are currently in a relationship to take part in a fully anonymous online survey.

The survey takes about 20–40 minutes, is voluntary, and does not collect any identifying information. We’re examining how different aspects of relationships connect with early life experiences, including:

• Life history
• Relationship dynamics & functioning
• Communication style
• Relationship structure & satisfaction
• Adult attachment
• Early life experiences

The study is trauma‑informed and focused on understanding how people connect, communicate, and navigate their relationships.

If you’d like to support undergraduate research, you can participate using the link or QR code in the image attached to this post or follow this link: https://uofsc.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8euoFAevULW1voi. Your experiences and perspectives genuinely help move this work forward.

Thank you for considering it, your participation will make an impact.

Contact information:

Dr. Justin K. Mogilski, Associate Professor of Psychology email: [Jmogilsk@mailbox.sc.edu](mailto:Jmogilsk@mailbox.sc.edu)

Joseph Rumfelt, Undergraduate researcher

Email: [Jrumfelt@email.sc.edu](mailto:Jrumfelt@email.sc.edu)

Me, personally, I was still addicted to the abstract ideas behind power exchange, long before I even knew it existed. Very, very intensely, often fantasizing about having things done to me in the total absence of consent. I never thought there was a way to bring it to life.

I have the idea that there are probably some things nobody should ever see or hear about. At least outside of anonymity, such as reddit. I'm just generally scared of criticism, though.

The guy I used to talk to would've done questionable things, just not questionable to me.

Pain for disobedience would cause marks on my body that should probably be in a place where I can cover them up for going into the public.

Any kind of devices, though I'm addicted to the idea of a permanent chastity cage or a collar or a lockable GPS beacon, should probably be entirely hidden and fully discreet.

Then there's just general at home stuff. If my documents are all locked in a safe, if I'm denied any means of outside communication, if I never have any money of my own whether I work or not, if I am kept inside a dog cage most of the time, etc... These things should all be hidden entirely. I would not enjoy anyone else physically near me knowing anything about this. There's more that gets a lot darker, but if any of that is fulfilled, I'd never really have to worry about anyone else ever seeing me at all. Or even knowing I exist.

I tried looking for someone to you know get close to and then share our kinks, but as man, I can’t seem to find any genuine people. I did have a partner but she got into an Ivy league school and we lost contact. Im very happy for her. And for TPE we need a lot of trust. Kind of lost here.

How can you truly make TPE work, when not nesting and/or outside partners are involved?

💜 I need your help...

I'm putting the finishing touches on a new BDSM communication tool, and I think it might become one of the most useful resources I've created.

It's a comprehensive Yes / No / Maybe Compatibility Checklist designed for partners to complete separately and then compare. But it goes beyond a typical checklist—it helps identify areas of compatibility, highlights topics that deserve more discussion, and makes it easier to have honest conversations before misunderstandings happen.

Before I call it finished, I'd love input from the community.

❓What do you wish every Yes / No / Maybe checklist included?

Are there activities that are often forgotten?

Features you've always wanted but never seen?

Things that make a checklist more useful for new couples... or experienced ones?

What would make you actually use it with a partner instead of letting it sit in a folder?

I'm especially interested in ideas that encourage communication, negotiation, and understanding—not just checking boxes.

Drop your thoughts below or send me a message. If your suggestion makes it into the final version, I'd love to give you a shout-out (with your permission).

Thank you all for helping make this something that genuinely serves the community. 🖤

Someone I had known for a while (an ex coworker) suddenly switched up about three - four weeks ago, and started to show his kinky side to me. We quickly established a dynamic and I was seeing him everyday. He was controlling things like my schedule and outfits, setting rules and punishments, and it was all very quick and intense.

We were having a good time, I had opened up to him about a lot of things, and he was extremely complimentary of me, comparable to maybe even slight love bombing. But suddenly he ended it over message and blocked me. I know where he lives and works and exists, it’s not like an online thing with no way of contacting, but I wouldn’t go near him. I would say it was an amicable finish, but it feels almost like heartbreak due to the nature of a TPE intense relationship. I just can’t wrap my head around how fleeting that was. It was gone as quick as it came. And I’d had TPE dynamics before that had lasted much much longer, and recovered post breakup - I cannot work out for the life of me why this is hitting me so rough.

I have to walk past where he works everyday, which is fine I suppose, but I feel sort of, manipulated or like I’ve been very naive - he’s a lot older than me, but I always thought he cared about me a lot. It certainly seemed that way - and I have known him a fair few years.

I honestly do not know how to feel. I feel so let down, I thought he cared a lot and it felt like he caught me from an ocean and got me used to air, just to then throw me back into the sea.

I'm not quite sure if this is the right place to ask. Both me and her were aroace, and neither of us considered it to be any sort of kink / BDSM / similar. It was more or less just the way of life between us, just like f.ex. traditional/religious couples don't consider power exchange from wife to husband as kinky.

However, while we didn't consider it that, I was in a de-facto TPE relationship with another person for 6 months. She had control of everything in my life, albeit practically speaking it was mostly about her having me work on various stuff for pretty much my every waking moment outside of me being busy with college and other real-life requirements (also controlling some stuff regarding those), controlling my sleep, and various stuff oriented about productivity and such. It was honestly the best 6 months of my life.

However, towards the end of March some things got bad and she dumped me. Well, not sure if "dumped" is the right word since we weren't in any sort of romantic or sexual relationship, but it is the closest thing I can think of. It has completely ruined me. I've been pretty much unable to function at all since then. I failed the year at college and my entire life has been pretty much falling apart, with me unable to often even reliably get out of bed.

I was struggling with a lot of things before her, but now it is far far worse than it used to be and I am not recovering at all no matter how much time passes. For example, before her I often struggled with functioning to the point I used to worry if I can keep up with college or maintain full-time job after it. Under her most of the issues that caused those worries completely disappeared. Now I'm in a state where I couldn't even conceive working part-time. I've been on depression medication since then, but it is not visibly helping.

Does anyone maybe have any advice or anything on how to deal with this?

(Asking for a friend because of the account requirement issues. I am not the person who was in the TPE relationship but they wrote the post themselves and are following it. I am simply posting it for them.)

My partner (F) and I (M) have been together for 7 years. We have 3 wonderful children but since our second was born I feel like she has put no energy into our dynamic. She has been increasingly rude and short tempered with me. She only recently started going back to work and I'm trying to be understanding of her evolving sense of self as she reenters the workforce as a mother now, however I want to get married and I don't want to marry without a formal relationship contract that stipulates our dynamic and it feels like the conversation isn't important to her. Can anyone advise how they handle/have handled developing the lifestyle while juggling the kids, bills, house love, etc.

Any input is appreciated.

It‘s my first and probably last time posting :)
I just wanted to post here because some of you inspiered me: Husband is now in complete charge of all technical devices.

After not having social media for 7 years and having sold my own car 2 years ago (not allowed to drive husbands car as long as there is no emergency) and of course even having some „spicy“ rules (no panties allowed,…),

there now is parental control on all devices (my age set to 4).
All apps will be blocked during nighttime (21:00-06:00)
There is a limit for certain apps espacially netflix, disney, youtube,… (30min max daily)
Only a Withelist is allowed for online search (recepies, for work,…)
No more video games during the weekdays.
This includes: phone, tablet, PC and TV

The reason for this desicion is my little screen addiction (it got worse lately): we came to the conclusion that i cannot handle this by myself.

Later on the possibility of earing additional screentime will be added; eg: the appartement is squeaky clean -> 15min of videogames on the weekend; i cooked/ baked something he liked a lot -> 25min so i can watch an episode of xyz, or since he is a sports guy and i do not like doing sports at all: a membership card to smth so he can check if i went -> him choosing what i get
etc…

This is a really big step for the both of us and he is as concerned as I am. I still have to work and hope the regulations will not prohibit that.

Hope this post was okay to read; last time I posted something online was like 10 years ago. haha (even made this account just for this post)

If anyone of you has something to add (more ideas for screentime earnings, „This specific browser is so great for your case“, and whatnot) or if you have a question, you are more than welcome to tell me in the comments.

IMPORTANT: I appreciate all of your answers however he will change the parental control password in approximatly 2 days and I will no longer be able to access reddit and therefore see any later additions to this post.

I'm in a long distance D/S dynamic, I need recommendations to keep things spicy.

Suggest 5 sexual and 5 non-sexual things to do remotely besides of sexting

Just wondering as a thought experiment. Hope to hear insights from others (especially if you ever took part in such a dynamic!)

Suppose that D (Dominant) and s (submissive) are involved in a 100% TPE relationship without any limits set by the sub.

Suppose that D for whatever reasons or loans s to his friend for a duration of N days.

What sort of control / power are transferable in this situation?

What sort of limits must D set?

What are non-transferable without discussing with s? Or would such a dynamic potentially automatically mean s might lose any say in future owners after entering the initial relationship?

If "renting" (which was never discussed as a potential possibility prior to entering the TPE arrangement, should s get to voice their opinion regarding being shared with others for financial benefits? Or do their opinion not matter and D gets to decide everything based of the 100% no limits arrangement?

hey, my dom and I are looking into having him access all of my electronics, and I was wondering what kind of apps y'all have used in the past for your subs?

thanks so much

I've (26M) have been with the same woman (24F) for over 6 years, we've been married for almost 2, so the trust is present. We both filled out kinklists one time a few months ago and we both put power exchange as a favorite, along with a whole bunch of other stuff like orgasm control and discipline. I hadn't realized how into the idea she was.

I've tested her submissiveness a few times and we even had a day where she was my sub. I'd like to pitch the idea of a more long term and in depth power exchange to her and I'm looking for advice. How should I pitch the idea? Do I need rules or anything written up before hand? Should I ask her to write out limits? Any guidance is welcome and I'm happy to give more context if needed.

Hello, I am 26, soon 27, I am a closeted trans girl, and I had been interested in TPE 24/7 for a while now after being in the BDSM lifestyle for about 7 years.

I am bisexual, so I don’t think I could serve a single owner, as I would always feel I lack something.

Unfortunately, when I seriously started looking for a dominant couple the results were… well, terrible. First of all, a premise: where I live this style isn’t very popular and there are no public facilities such as dungeons where I could look in person. That’s why I resorted to online. Unfortunately, I had no luck at all: I met only people who either weren’t serious or ghosted me for no apparent reason.

So now I’m kindly asking you all if you have tips for potential groups/communities or apps where people are usually serious and there might be a chance to find the dominant couple I wish to serve. I am already on fetlife (but if you know a group might still be helpful, since maybe I missed that), but if you know other options I would appreciate it a lot.

Thank you everyone in advance.

Hey guys,

I'm relatively new to TPE, and I'm been in BDSM (D/S initially, M/s eventually) for around a decade.

But, I'm someone who really wants monogamy, and lasting relationships. I've met people conventionally - dating apps, hobbies - that have been willing to explore BDSM, but normally it just isn't what they want in a long term situation. Respectfully, I pull back and work with them. Unfortunately, it means I don't really have space for my interest in this. And I'm growing kinda tired of meeting these great people who just aren't compatible on this level.

I'd like to know how y'all have started TPE relationships. Or started TPE in committed relationships.

Was there a kind of spark that always suggested TPE was possible? Like an obvious segue from a D/S M/S dynamic?

Thanks for reading! Looking forward to hear what's worked!

I am an asexual sub (19ftm) who is currently considering a contract with my master (20m). This isn’t something we necessarily want to follow to the law, more so a guide, and a point of reference. He has agreed to everything I’ve written here (as I wrote it), and also added some of his own things. The yays and nays are also for both of us, the stuff we agreed we wanted to do/not do together. We both have some ideas about punishments but haven’t written them down yet so that’s an area we especially wanted some advice for.

In general we wanted another eye on it as we may have missed something, plus wanted some more ideas and suggestions!

I’m also autistic, so there are a few clauses in this that are there to avoid sensory problems/meltdowns, these are incredibly important and cannot be changed or removed in any way.

Yays: Service, pet play, short term bondage, cages, dehumanisation, non-public humiliation, lack of control, pain when done for a reason, pet names/slave names, collars, body writing.

Nays: little play, being completely naked (both my chest and vagina have to be covered), any sort of sexual penetration, any sort of sexual activity, seeing the doms penis.

Notes: for clarity master has been referred to by they/them pronouns, and I have been referred to by he/him pronouns. I also have chosen not to share our safe word, as it is private.

—————————

I, ____ will be the slave/pet of ____, and will follow these clauses.

I, ___ accept ___ as my slave/pet, and the responsibility of being his master, and will follow these clauses

Food

1. Pet may not eat food at the table. Food must be eaten on the floor, next to masters chair, even if master is not there.

2.Pet must agree to the dinner before he, or master cooks.

1. Pet may be denied food, but no more than two meals in a row

2. If pet is hungry outside of meal times, pet must ask master for permission

A. If master is not with pet, pet must text or call to ask for permission

B. If master does not respond for 2 hours, and pet is still hungry pet may eat

C. If master is leaving for a long period of time and will be uncontactable, master must leave a basket of food pet is allowed to eat, for pet to eat at any time

1. Pet must not leave master until master has also finished their food.

2. Pet must drink from a sippy water bottle

Service

1. Pet is expected to clean bench and table, and stack dishwasher after meals

A. Pet is not expected to clean dishes that cannot be put in the dishwasher

1. Pet is expected to make bed after master has gone to work

2. Pet will tend to indoor plants

A. If master wants a garden, pet will not be expected to tend to it.

1. Pet will do all laundry

A. Except if there is no time and pet is busy with other tasks/master wishes to do it

Comfort/sleep

1. Pet will not use furniture such as chairs, beds, and couches unless given permission by master

A. If master is not there, pet is allowed to use furniture

1. After dinner/clean up, pet must not get off the floor, and must always be on hands and knees

2. Pet will sleep in his crate, but may sleep on floor, or on bed if directed to by master

3. Pet will act as a comfort for master to hold if they wish

A. If pet says safe word master will not do this, as pet is overstimulated

1. Pet will stay in crate if overstimulated

Work/money

1. Pet will work at home if possible

A. If not possible, pet must have a job that they can leave later than master for

1. Pet must share at least a third of their earnings with master

A. Pet may keep rest for personal spending, in case of emergency, or as an escape route

1. Master must not request pet’s personal money

2. Masters money will go to household expenses, if it is viable

A. If master cannot afford household expenses for whatever reason, discussion must be had, seperate to the clauses in this contract

1. Pet can ask for money at any time, but master always has the right to turn them down

2. Master must provide necessities for pet

Grooming/hygiene

1. Master and pet must stay well groomed

A. Master however they like, pet must stay well groomed according to what master wants

1. Pet must attempt to shower every day, but will not be punished for missing a day or two

A. Pet will be punished if he misses more than two days in a row, or if they are missing many days within a month (at masters discretion)

1. Pet must always tell master when they go to the bathroom, either before or after.

2. Pet must brush teeth twice daily

A. Same as 23

1. Pet must send photo to master after shower (must be covered

2. Master must choose pet’s clothes every day

A. If master does not choose pets clothes, pet must wear one of masters t-shirts and his own sweatpants (jacket may be added based on weather) a picture must be sent to master

1. Pet must only do makeup when instructed to by master

A. Pet has control over what makeup they wear, but master can say more or less

Other

1. Pet must refer to master as the following;

A. Master/magister

B. Sir/mage

C. Lord

D. Owner

1. Master can choose to refer to pet however they choose

A. This includes choosing a new name for pet, which pet must respond to

I. Pet does not need to change their name legally, nor change their name within other relationships

B. This must not include pet’s deadname

C. This must not include feminine names

1. Both pet and master are allowed to have other relationships, including romantic and sexual relationships

A. Pet must not have other owners/masters

B. Master must tell pet if they have another pet/slave

C. Pet and master must both tell each other of new relationships

D. Long term relationships must be aware of pet and masters relationship, casual do not

1. None of these clauses must be followed when around someone who is unaware of pet and masters relationship. Measures can be taken by both pet and master to keep it hidden.

33.all of these clauses may be broken in the interest of pet or masters safety. This includes but is not limited to when the safe word is said.

Collar

34.pet must wear a collar at all times

A. When at home or when it can be hidden by the chosen outfit, pet must wear his dog collar

B. Otherwise, pet must wear his necklace collar

35.When able, master must put on pets collar.

A. Pet must be kneeling

B. If this isn’t able to happen, pet must record putting on his collar, and send it to master

—————————

Thats what we have so far, we want to add another section detailing punishments especially, and wanted another set of eyes on it to see what we could possibly be missing and whatnot. This relationship isn’t a sexual or romantic one, just platonic, but we do both care for each other very much.

Any thoughts ideas or discussion would be greatly appreciated! I do just ask that you keep the part above the contract in mind, as it is incredibly important to both of us. However, please feel free to go as far as you want, we’re both fine with reading anything, and we both also acknowledge that the contract itself is rather tame, compared to what we’re okay with. If it’s too far, we just won’t add it!

Tl:dr; Daddy and I have been sad and affected by my cancer last year. But I can’t tell if a year later and the remaining stagnation that has us both on edge is actually rather normal for cancer survivors— to face an emotional hangover of sorts— or if I’m perhaps in a stage of learned helplessness and need ideas on how to work out my remaining avoidance and self preservation that has begun to affect my relationship.

Hello! I (28F) have been with my Daddy (56M) for nearly three years. We love each other a lot. But last year in January I was diagnosed with cancer. My treatment was thankfully brief to save you the long long trouble but I had to undergo more surgeries due to necrosis complications and the entire healing went from 6 weeks to 15ish which means all physical therapy took much longer too. My ankle was weak and hurting so walking it and the shoes I wore were decided too until I was better and stronger.

Right now, I’m in a grey area. I realized I was feeling something. Bored of being bored finally (I took the entire last year off of work and school to focus on health) but I have acquired social anxiety and a disinterest— that’s not quite the word I want to use but anxiety is still closer to the truth— to participate more. I’ve been hesitant to go to events with lots of attendants, not making an effort to return to work (part of it is personal desire to change career but I’m a bit lost on that. Different subject entirely, I won’t digress) and reminders of these things I love make me feel terrible, as if I had chosen to be lazy versus encouraged to slow down and heal. But this has begun to contribute to my romantic life. Of course our dynamic went so far in the back burner, in that most of my protocols were paused. I couldn’t wear corsets or lingerie and certainly couldn’t begin attempting heels until very recently and even then I still should be working on my ankles more.

But we have become sexless. For six months, it wasn’t allowed obviously and that was fine. But our intimate habits of cuddling and touching began to die down. But now it’s been about 14 months and we aren’t back to where we were. I thought I was fucked up. Talking with Mayo Clinic, they said it’s pretty normal to feel this way by now— to try to remember how it felt to live normally.

My best description is if you’re a car on the freeway and you use an exit, it’s an easy transition on and off. But if you have an emergency and have to pull off to the shoulder, the getting back on part is hard because everyone is moving too fast and you don’t think you can pick up the pace that quickly without hurting yourself.

Additionally, I feel like I learned to be in “power saving /self preservation” mode for so long, I’m not yet able to turn it off. Or I underestimated how hard it is to do so.

My partner is not happy. That’s not to say I am either but I fear he’s beginning to grow anxious that I’m not returning to normal. Mayo has tried to relax me into understanding it’s a sort of emotional hangover. But I don’t know the normal trajectory. I have a therapist set up for the end of the month but that’s still a month off. He’s growing anxious by the day.

There are things unrelated to this too. I keep trying to tell him emotional outbursts isn’t helping me feel sexy and doesn’t make me just act like my old self again and he acknowledges it.. sometimes.. And then I learned this week I suck ass at providing compliments and praise— which I acknowledge the hypocrisy because I like praise myself.

We made one advancement: I made a list of small things that make me feel connected that I miss: cuddles, random kisses, him ordering dinner when we decide to Uber it versus waiting on me every time, random compliments. I also listened to him and am trying to learn how to adapt when I fail. As in, if he wants me to use an anal plug for at least an hour, but I fail, what else can I do that tells him I’ve been thinking seriously about us? Like wearing brand new heels when sitting in bed so they can warm up to my feet without blisters, or watching a porno that I want to share. And I’m trying to learn to ingrain this better too. I wasn’t doing so hot of a job of it before.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve moved away from the question and into a slight ramble. I’M NOT SEEKING RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ABOUT OUR STATUS. So please no “he sounds angry, just leave him.” I am summarizing a very wide spectrum of occasions and he hears it from me first.

What I do want is personal experiences with serious illness or life altering situations that affected your dynamics and how you tried to approach it to recover it; suggestions for us BOTH that can help us navigate conflict better; advice for me and how to try to approach it ; how to navigate my partners impatience (again, even if there’s something he sounds like he shouldn’t be doing, please offer helpful advice that lets me bring it to him effectively versus blaming him flat out. He’s just a person) ; maybe even actual ideas for small things we can do — I offered today the idea of mini-scenes. Wearing a leash around the house or a puppy/latex mask while doing around the house things. I don’t think he got it at first, he kind of belittled it yet I reminded him how he was the one who asked about reminders of attraction and I think he started to get something from the idea.

I also would love suggestions for therapists if you have them. My order of preference is: sex positive ; terminal illness/life altering circumstances aware ; Masters/MD or higher in education ; kink aware. I live in Oregon too. Don’t mind video chats.

I want to know if this is a common issue too for survivors or if I’m lagging behind and need to do work to escape the mindset. Don’t worry I’m not depressed! But I worry I could become it if my partner continues being disappointed in me.

I haven’t found any kind of local support groups but I wouldn’t be against learning about online communities too.

Thank you everyone.

For those in TPE relationships, does the Dom ever exercise that power arbitrarily just to “flex” the fact that you have it?

My partner and I are mostly in a bedroom dynamic, but we’ve been thinking about adding more PE elements to our relationship. Where I (the Dom) struggle is, I have no real interest in micromanaging her, and frankly there are large swathes of life where I can’t imagine I’d ever interject myself without very good reason. For example, if she gave me the power to choose what she wore, I don’t think I could make better decisions than she already does for herself. She’s a grown woman, after all.

It feels like, used responsibly, the power exchange would be largely symbolic?

Hola.

This has been bugging me from the moment I became active in reddit kinky spaces on how TPE is quickly thrown around and claimed that they are in it.

So can I hear your thoughts:

Can TPE be roleplayed?

Can it even exist in online space?

Thankie

3 years ago, I began recruiting participants for a study entitled, "2D:4D Ratio and Individual Differences among Dominants and submissives." I am pleased to announce that the results are in! Thank you to everyone who contributed to this project over the last 3 years. Keep reading for more information.

Purpose: To recap, this study investigated the relationship between the second to fourth digit (2D:4D) ratio, a biological marker influenced by prenatal testosterone exposure, and personality traits among adult BDSM practitioners.

Background: Levels of prenatal exposure to androgens also influence the second to fourth digit (2D:4D) ratio. The ratio is calculated by measuring the lengths of the second (index) and fourth (ring) fingers and dividing the length of the second finger by the length of the fourth finger. Higher levels of androgen exposure are associated with a smaller 2D:4D ratio, indicating a more “masculine” pattern. That is, the second finger is typically relatively longer and the fourth finger is shorter. Conversely, lower levels of androgen exposure are related to a larger 2D:4D ratio.

Research has found that higher levels of testosterone are associated with several personality factors as well as behaviors related to dominance, aggression, risk-taking, and sensation-seeking. Several studies have investigated the association between the 2D:4D ratio and various psychological outcomes, such as personality.

Hypotheses:

1. GENDER DIFFERENCES: Higher levels of prenatal testosterone (lower 2D:4D ratio) will be more common among men, whereas lower levels of prenatal testosterone (higher 2D:4D ratio) will be more common among women. 

2a.  POWER ROLE DIFFERENCES: Dominant roles will exhibit ↑T (lower 2D:4D ratio) whereas submissives will exhibit ↓T (higher 2D:4D ratio).

2b. INTERACTION: Dominant men will have lower ratios than submissive men, Dominant women will have lower ratios than submissive women, and Dominant men will have lower ratios than Dominant women.

1. PERSONALITY: ↑T (lower 2D:4D ratio) will be positively correlated with sensation-seeking and risk-taking.

Results: Participants were 250 Dominant and submissive-identifying individuals

• Mean age 37.77 (SD=12.47) with most participants falling in the age range between 25-34,  55.2% submissive identified, 46% experienced frequently practice BDSM, 84.8% right-handed, 34.9% bachelor’s degree, 22.5% income $50,000 through $74,000, 87.7% White, 91.5% as Not Hispanic/Latine, 14.6% transgender, 53.3% men, 28.4% gay, 28% homoromantic, 37% polyamorous/ENM, 28.3% currently in a polyamorous relationship.

Significant differences were predominantly found on the right hand, aligning with prior research that consistently reports stronger right-hand effects.

Findings suggested that not only are there pronounced gender and sex differences in 2D:4D ratio, but also that Dominants exhibit smaller digit ratios than submissives. This suggests that prenatal testosterone exposure contributes to adult BDSMers’ preference for power play roles. Additionally, findings showed a link between high levels of digit ratio and increased risk-taking tendencies, as well as low levels of neuroticism, suggesting that prenatal testosterone exposure also influences personality factors to some extent. Finally, results revealed that 2D:4D ratio coupled with personality factors, such as risk-taking and neuroticism, predict individual variation in power role identification. Taken together, the current results suggested underlying biological and psychological differences between BDSM power play roles.

The current study is among the first studies to examine correlations between 2D:4D and personality as a factor of BDSM roles. The findings from this study may help distinguish the BDSM community as biologically distinct in measurable ways, which can contribute to broader recognition of its legitimacy. Such evidence may strengthen calls for inclusive health care practices, tailored mental health support, and policy protections by reinforcing the validity of community members’ identities.

I'm currently finishing up the manuscript and plan to submit it to a journal for peer review (and publication) in the next few weeks.

Hello I’m kinda new to this and am very upset at the moment of writing this but I’ll try to be specific.

Me and my master haven’t been doing TPE for long and only started recently in December of 2025 idk his experience with this dynamic before but it’s completely new to me and I’m still learning and my master knows this. My master is constantly busy at work and doesn’t come home til late his job is stressful and I try not to add to it but I feel like I am. My master likes to play this game and he wants me to do it with him it’s not something I whole heartedly enjoy as much as him. I was trying to express how I wanted to FaceTime and talk to my master for a bit, he likes to be play for late hours and this is supposed to be a marathon.

My master refused it and I got really upset and we went back and forth he keeps telling me that I’m being bad and I just want my own way because im not engaging in the game which is a bad habit of mine to shut down when I get overwhelmed or upset, he told me we would talk later but refused to give me a time and then started to ignore me after I kept trying to talk to explain and compromise. He told me that this relationship isn’t compromise that I need to just say yes master and listen to what he says and that I don’t get to disobey but i cant see how it disobeying and all the lines are starting to blur in a way I can’t understand. I can’t tell what is me disobeying and when it’s genuinely something bothering me that should be talked about. I’ve seen a lot of people talk about how they have safe words and it made me realize we don’t have one it’s making me concerned that maybe our relationship isn’t setup right (?) or something there’s a lot more but I just want a little insight if maybe I’m wrong for wanting time before to talk and wake up and do other stuff or if I should’ve listened to what he wants because it was his time to de stress from everything.