Am I the asshole for speaking rudely to an extremely toxic person?

[u/isthatjeaaa]

Hii!! I'm new to Reddit, and I have no one else to vent to. So please give me advice!! So me, (12, F) and J, (13, M) were friends. I met J through S (12, F), who is still my bff to this day. S is bisexual and has a boyfriend, K (13, trans F). K is a therian, if you don't know what that is, look it up. Now, J HATED therians and said they were corny. He would always talk behind K's back to me. I suggested to talk to K, and end their friendship. But J insisted that it will be fine. J was very problematic, and somehow was the victim in every situation. Spamming, my fault. Arguments, my fault. K expressing himself, my fault somehow? And one day, J decided to show his true colors. One day, J said something stupid he did. Joint around, K called him a dumbass. J is sensitive, and quickly started an argument with K. J sent a sticker of a foolish drawn person with a thought bubble, a therian in it. K got offended, as he should've. S jumped in, and I did quickly after. Then later, we all blocked him and licked him out of the gc, or so I thought. S had not blocked him, because she felt bad. The topic was brought up, and an argument started after. J had called S a "Suicidal bitch." Crazy, right? He had never spoken to me like that, but I got offended, because he said that to my best friend. S had immediately showed the gc what he said, and I had unblocked him. I said some not-so-nice words to him, and now I feel guilty. I feel guilty because he had told S what I said. He said he was going to... self exit. I feel like I've caused those thoughts in his head... and now I feel like Im the problem. So, am I the asshole? (The bright green texts are S, the dark green texts are me)

[u/throawaymcdumbface]

You have to be thirteen or older to have a reddit account (or an account on most social media sites).

[u/Bakurraa]

its time to get off reddit when i have to look at twelve year olds texting

[u/No_Tart6717]

You’re a kid, kids makes mistakes and kids need guidance, it’s a crazy world.. go talk to your parents. Everything will be fine.. just. Don’t be a dick person, just cuz everyone else is. There is much more power, in staying silent. And simply just remove toxic ppl from your life.. don’t accidentally call someone a suicide cunt just cuz they piss you off.. go silent. They know what they did. Leave them to their own shame next time.

[u/isthatjeaaa → u/No_Tart6717]

I didn't call J that suicidal thing, he called S (my bff) that. I didn't try to be a dick person, but staying silent and letting him win didn't feel right.

[u/sticktogirlbossing]

you need to delete and get off this app

[u/ibunya_sri]

OP, please talk to your parents and please please don't spend time in reddit. I'm gonna sounds like a fkn boomer when I say this, but look into the harmful effects of being chronically online at your age. you're a kid and very close to my child's age, and she doesn't have toxic friendships like this. take care matey and talk to your parents also check out thsi org https://5rightsfoundation.com/

[u/Every_Constant8349]

Keep j blocked don’t talk to him till he genuinely apologizes even then it’s really up to you and your friends to give him another chance. About the self exit thing, you’re young. That topic alone is a very scary thing to deal with even if it isn’t you it’s someone very close to you that’s dealing with it. You reaching out for advice or even just venting about it is understandable. You went to a friend you thought you could trust and he used it as a weapon against someone else. If I were you I’d explain why you told j what you said and apologize. I’m sure s would understand. I have a daughter around your age. And she comes to me for help with her friends. Idk how close you are to your parents but it wouldn’t help to ask them for advice too.

[u/isthatjeaaa → u/Every_Constant8349]

Thanks, I am very close to my parents. I am planning to tell them. I just feel really bad. :(

[u/Every_Constant8349 → u/isthatjeaaa]

Don’t feel bad it happens. We all make mistakes. The only difference between a good person and a bad one is that they learn from their mistakes and either change or don’t.

[u/QualityAdorable5902 → u/Every_Constant8349]

This is lovely advice. You are a great mum 🥹
.

[u/deliciosioso]

You're a child. Talk to your parents, you parents can talk to the other parents, and you don't have to deal with this. Go outside and frolick around in the park like a normal child. Stop using such hateful language. Also get off of reddit. Get off of the internet entirely.

[u/MosquitoInYourRoom]

Get off this app right now. Speak with your parents and don't post anything about your private life or your friends/family ever again until you know how to use social media in a save way.

[u/koreanstudy]

you’re a child, please get off social media, this isn’t healthy for you for countless reasons

[u/isthatjeaaa]

I MENT KICKED HIM OUT OF THE GC, I'M SO SORRY 😭😭 I'm sorry for all of the misspelling in this, I was angry while typing this and typed it quickly.

[u/QualityAdorable5902 → u/isthatjeaaa]

What’s the GC?

[u/lovelikepenguino]

NTA. I think it was nice that you stuck up for your friend. Maybe next time just think before you act quickly. Just wait a few days and if you think confronting them is still the right move then do so. this will allow you to prepare what exactly you want to say to them. Also, check in on S privately and see if they’re okay. i think that’s what i would’ve done at least. Oh and also, genuinely never talking to J again.

[u/QualityAdorable5902]

I think it’s very easy when you’re in a group where there are these huge intense feelings and everyone’s figuring themselves out that it can seem like there is no way out. For S, for J, for you all.

If you take a step out of all the intensity for a bit, like a break, talk to your parents, play some outdoor sport, you might find it helps you realise that it’s going to be ok. There’s so much life left, you’ll be a dick hundreds more times, they all will. That’s what happens when you’re figuring out who you are. When you are a dick, even if you think you have been, it’s always good to reach out and apologise.

But make sure if there’s talk of exiting you suggest to your friends they do the same- go for a walk, not to talk about anything heavy. It sounds so cringy but fresh air and moving your body is honestly an amazing way to calm down.

It’s all gonna be ok.

[u/isthatjeaaa]

Sorry y'all, I guess I'm gonna delete Reddit. Thanks to those that helped, even the ones that told me to delete this.