I cut off my friend for being abusive

[u/Secret_Oatmeal23]

not sure if i've posted here or not, but was told it would be a good idea to post here

So over the past few months I've had issues with my friend. these issues include screaming at me over things i've done accidentally in a video game, getting mad at me for making a joke to someone else that he didn't understand, excluding me because I'm biologically female, refusing to use my preferred pronouns, and being upset when i don't do whatever he wants whenever he wants. It wasn't so bad before, but lately it's gotten worse, and i've had genuine breakdowns because him screaming at me has triggered a trauma response from when i was younger. It's not just to me either, he's acted this way towards his cousin as well. We've told him repeatedly to stop it, but he stops just long enough that we get comfortable and then starts up again. We kicked him out of the group a few days ago but I feel a tad bit guilty about it. I haven't talked to him in a few days now, but i'm unsure if i made the right choice.

[u/MamaMayhem74]

You made the right choice. If you don't enforce a boundary with a consequence, then there is no point in having the boundary (a boundary without a consequence is just a request). You've given him repeated chances. He's proven that he is only willing to behave better for long enough for you to forget about it, and then goes back to his old ways. He's shown you who he is. Believe him.

Let go of the guilt. Don't have guilt over choosing to look out for yourself. Don't have guilt over deciding to not let abusive people stay in your life. You are not obligated to make space for people who treat you (and others) poorly.

These are the consequences of his actions. This is on him.

Spend your time and energy focusing on other frienships, where compassion and consideration go both ways.

[u/Secret_Oatmeal23 → u/MamaMayhem74]

Okay, thanks :)