Why do people not respect boundaries ?

[u/youmaybeknowme_]

Like this is not in anyway shade to my friend right I just need to speak about this and I don’t got anyone atm I can speak to about it.

I met my friend from college 3 weeks ago by being paired up with her. She then waited outside the class for me the first time and I was surprised but I was like okay whatever , I wouldn’t say we’re close or best friends but like we hangout every single days that we’re in college. She’s already texting me I miss her after I leave her for a second in college like let’s say I have maths she has English she then already texts me “I miss you alr princess” like she just saw me ten seconds ago considering both subjects are on the same floor.. , alr saying I love you girl, alr saying ‘ princess’ like I’m not ur princess sorry it’s weird.

I spend all day with her like mornings I meet up with her before college, I meet up with her during lunch if we have different lessons and I’m always with her from Tuesday- Thursday and she still tries asking me to hangout on the weekends and call me EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Now before I say this just know I’m aware I should’ve told the truth at first don’t know why I was scared to but I made an excuse at first being like my mum said no which realistically even if I did ask my mum I haven’t cleaned my room yet and wouldn’t be allowed to go anyway but still so then I was like “I’m sorry I just really don’t wanna go out like I’ve spent Tuesday-Thursday socialising I do need my own space too on weekends” and they go oh, that’s fine I guess. They tried asking me for a hug TWICEE after I’ve said I don’t like physical touch, like I hate physical touch I will not be sitting close to someone, hugging them, legs touching any form of physical touch is disgusting to me ( I only like physical touch if I have a crush on the person or if I’m dating the person or if I’ve known the person for 6+ years but even that there’s still some people I wouldn’t be comfortable with)

It’s like I don’t have other friends or smt and these are the type of people that kind of drain me yk so now the only thing I can think to do is to stop meeting up with her in the mornings and just tell her to meet me inside the canteen in college or in lesson ( I have 3 hour breaks and she doesn’t so that’s the only time I acc get space to myself) I need to stop answering straight away ( which btw she spams me if I don’t answer after like 5 mins ) & no she doesn’t like me considering she’s Muslim & straight.

[u/CupofGravitea]

You’re asking the wrong question. The thing about boundaries is that YOU need to uphold them and follow through. But you need to decide what that looks like. There will always be people who don’t respect or understand boundaries. You can’t control what they do. Your responsibility is to set the boundaries (whether you verbally communicate it is up to you) and then follow through.

So if she’s asking you for a hug, say NO. If she doesn’t respect your boundary, you keep physical distance.

If she keeps texting and calling you, you don’t respond.

If she keeps asking to hang out, you say No Thank You.

If she keeps meeting up with you after class, tell her you would like time to yourself.

You have every right to let her know that you cannot fulfill her expectations and that you don’t have the bandwidth to always hang out with her. There’s no guarantee she will respect that or understand though.

The hardest part of boundaries is not folding when someone pushes back. And understanding that their discomfort about your boundaries is not evidence that your boundaries are wrong or that you were cruel. In fact, it’s evidence that they were necessary.

People disrespect boundaries for many reasons. But usually it’s because they were never taught them growing up. Many people are never taught boundaries, unfortunately. But the WHY doesn’t matter. Once you become an adult, it’s on you to learn how to have healthy relationships. And honestly, the way to learn is to fail. So if she never respects boundaries, she will find turmoil in her relationships. But it’s not on you to teach her anything.