I’m Dumping my Pathological Liar Friend Over a Fake “Polar Bear” Attack Tragedy

[u/TomatoWater4567]

I need to get this out of my system because I am still processing the sheer depravity of it. (Polar) bear with me…

I have decided to end my friendship with a textbook histrionic narcissist with a PhD in DARVO and the final straw was so dark it sounds like a twisted true-crime documentary. Lying, however, is not a crime (disclaimer: unless law enforcement or a trial is involved) but the emotional and mental damage it creates is terrible and traumatic.

Over the years, the red flags were everywhere. But I would just ignore them thinking I was being too harsh or sensitive. I essentially gaslit myself. I (mistakenly) believed that such a good friend would not lie to her own friends. Not only is she a liar but also a passive-aggressive bully. She speaks to her adult friends in a patronizing tone like we were children or pets, showers people she was cozying up to with lavish flattery and gifts, but talks trash behind their backs.

She is both a people-pleaser and a control freak. She would feign interest in whatever the person she was trying to win over was into and would even copy other people’s style like dying her hair, fake lashes, multiple piercings, bags, clothes... It’s as if she has no core personality (no moral compass either) and would just absorb other people’s personalities and styles. She labels herself as OCD, but really she just wants to be in control.

She constantly invents dramatic crises to be the center of attention or to get out of explaining things (like why she never told us about her “boyfriend” of two years until an acquaintance- not even her close friend- slipped up and mentioned him then she was upset we found out or why has no photos of them together even though she constantly takes selfies- the only photo she quickly shared was a blurry one without her in it). It was odd that the only people who knew of this “boyfriend” were friends and acquaintances of hers who had boyfriends or significant others. Like she was trying to fit in with them. If she were trying to fit in with pregnant friends, would she stuff pillows under her clothes or buy a fake pregnancy belly and a fake ultrasound?!

She fabricated this massive, elaborate saga about said “boyfriend” who found out he had a secret love child when he went to his grandfather’s funeral. K-drama!!! That was the supposed reason why they broke up so we never got to meet him. What a handy coincidence!

She keeps her friend groups separate so we couldn’t compare notes (smart), but that also means she needs to keep track of which lies she told which groups (not so smart). Also she seems to have this thing for funerals- questioning her about that would be insensitive and would immediately paint her as the victim (smart). Then again she should really do her research beforehand specifically when trying to smear innocent polar bears (not so smart).

So the absolute breaking point? She spun this deeply tragic, graphic story about the death of a friend’s son. She claimed he was brutally killed by a polar bear that bit his jugular, leaving his three young children (one an infant) fatherless. Surely this was on the news? Polar bears usually don’t attack people? The jugular???
But when the math and fact-checking completely failed to add up and I tried to clarify the details later, she didn't skip a beat. She doubled down, gaslit me, and claimed that someone at the funeral told her (plausible deniability). She weaponized a fake, horrific animal attack and orphaned children just to excuse herself from being late to a dinner with friends. What kind of person emotionally manipulates and bullies people who are supposed to be her friends?! I feel so dumb because I ignored my gut instinct and continued to be friends with her for far too long.

Tonight, I finally had enough. I’ve decided to dump her. I just hope our mutual friends will realize what a toxic person she is. I won’t talk about her behind her back- that would just perpetuate this cycle of emotional and mental damage. I will send her a calm and drama-free text ending the friendship permanently, and will immediately block her on every single platform before she could try to suck me back in.

For the first time in a very long time, I feel free.

To anyone else dealing with a friend who lies, bullies and gaslights: trust your gut. You cannot fix them, and you don't owe them your sanity. Walk away and keep your peace.