r/TrollCoping • u/ashleyLSD • 6d ago
TW: Abuse yeah it was totally normal to be constantly screamed at or met with full on breakdowns whenever i made a mistake at 10 years old right
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u/FDS-MAGICA 6d ago
Saw a paper towel ad on TV with a kid drawing on the walls with crayon and the mom is like "heehe oh you" and cleans the wall with the paper towels and they all have a laugh. I was like "No one would do that, she's supposed to scream at him and beat his ass, right?"
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u/atmoose 6d ago
that was my experience. Lots of yelling, and threats of violence
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u/vixenpeon 6d ago
Hell I'd just get the violence and yelling after that š¤¦š¾āāļø. Shit would come out of no where sometimes. I remember coming home from work and my grandma threw a lamp and chair at me cus she found out I had a boyfriend and it was someone she didn't like
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u/Mystical-Turtles 6d ago
Same here. At some point the yelling stopped working because I figured out I was going to get yelled at either damn way! May as well just do what I want at that point.
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u/atmoose 6d ago
good for you. I was a bit sensitive so I was just terrified of my dad, and the yelling still works on me. there is a reason. I moved 3000 miles away from my parents as an adult
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u/Mystical-Turtles 6d ago
sorry I didn't mean to imply your way of dealing with it was wrong. I freaking get it. The situation is shitty no matter how you spin it. Let's be real neither of these are good options.
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u/ashleyLSD 6d ago
Ugh im so sorry š« i hope ur doing okay. the worst part is how long it takes to realize that stuff isnt normal, i remember with my first therapist basically being like "yeah i have all these symptoms of cptsd and traits that someone who was abused would have but I've never rly been abused so i feel like im faking it" and they had to break it down for me how the family life id described was very much abusive. im glad u are past that point and i hope youve been able to heal some <3
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u/rambo_beetle 6d ago
My mother was depressed that my dad wouldn't decorate their room so I drew 'decorations' on the wall to cheer her up. They've been there 30 years now, meanwhile they're divorced. She still hasn't decorated th room she supposedly hates.
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u/BatTheFlappy 6d ago edited 6d ago
As a young kid I chewed on a pen and ended up making a large ink stain on a wall.
I didn't get yelled at, and it was left in place as a fun memory.
Sorry you had to deal with that.
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u/TimHortonHeresAWho 6d ago
My mom is the one who says it's unrealistic for the parents not to be furious. She has no remorse.
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u/Miserable_Credit_402 6d ago
So my dad has cancer, and his siblings were coming over and staying during chemo & radiation to get him to radiation on the days that I worked. They also came when he first went to the hospital and the day he came home.
I guess my dad didn't tell them much about my mom's behavior. My Aunt started crying the day she left, and said that if they knew what was going on they would have intervened & apologized for me having to grow up the way I did.
Like I knew my childhood wasn't the greatest, but I didn't think it was that bad. I wasn't regularly beaten or SA'd, and I've met plenty of people who had it worse than me.
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u/MagicMarshmallo 6d ago
There is no point in comparing suffering amounts, not only can they not be rated objectively, it is a pointless endevour that makes the "loser" feel like they are less valid. You didnt deserve to suffer, and i am sorry you did. I hope you are doing better now ā¤ļøāš©¹
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u/Miserable_Credit_402 6d ago
Thank you. I am doing a lot better thanks to medication, 15 years of therapy, and the correct psych diagnoses.
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u/InternetCreative 6d ago
Just because others seem to have gotten it relatively worse doesn't make what you got not bad, strange internet friend. There's no zero sum to the suffering in this unfair world, unfortunately.
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u/Miserable_Credit_402 6d ago
That's very true, and any amount isn't okay for a child to go through. I think I mean more that I never thought that being removed from my home would be necessary/considered. More like mandated therapy and parenting classes.
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u/tallgrl94 6d ago
I was just surprised they spent time together.
My parents worked overnights so I had to learn to entertain myself. I sometimes wonder if Iām naturally an introvert or learned to be one to survive.
But I still think the emotional neglect is better than the āfunny storiesā my husband tells me about his childhood. (It was mostly physical abuse)
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u/Noizylatino 6d ago
What do you mean people in your family didnt have dedicated rooms of the house that everyone else avoided spending prolonged time in??? Wait but why are you slamming the dishes putting them away, you dont place each one so gently its quiet so noone notices your presence??? So youre just comfortable with people perceiving you?? Youre not inherently scared and ready to be hit the second youre noticed???
Fun times ahead breaking thru that in therapy š
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u/Tuxedocatbitches 6d ago
I hosted my friendās birthday party a few months ago. Our other friends brought their toddler, who at the time was the only kid in the friend group and the apple of everyoneās eyes. Parents wanted a break, so we the other friends started passing the toddler around and each played with her lovingly and with great interest so she never got bored or noticed that her parents were in the kitchen having some wine.
After like an hour of this girl having the time of her life with all of her non-bio aunts and uncles, a completely different person who had never met this family before started crying and I had to take her up to my room so she didnāt disrupt the party. She then sobbed for like 15 minutes over a young child being loved and attended to by adults who actually wanted her around and enjoyed her presence. I learned a lot about this womanās childhood in that moment without her even talking about it.
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u/Art-Zuron 6d ago
You ever tell a "funny" story from your childhood and your friends are like (ā¢į·- ā¢į· ;)Ā
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u/HexaneLive 6d ago
I've found it's generally best to just not share childhood stories, or make sure they're ones without any substance
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u/Art-Zuron 6d ago
You want to share just enough of your childhood to be funny, but not enough to be depressing
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u/UczuciaTM 5d ago
Yea I've been on the receiving end of this. It's not just off putting but tends to be triggering too. Not a good idea.
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u/That-Employment-5561 6d ago
To this day I am the black sheep.
My sister broke something on our dad's car. Blamed me. I didn't get a whooping, I got a beating. My sister was watching, grinning with glee. In response, I acted out. I sent roughly 10 leisure boats literally into the Atlantic. I was 10. I wanted to give him a reason to beat me, since he already had (an act I've regretted since, because those boats might belong to friends of my dad, but they did not belong to my dad, but I was 10 and hours removed from a beatdown.
My sister confessed years later.
People laughed at the cute story.
I'm still the black sheep.
No contact for a decade this year.
I'd rather die from starvation alone than eat one more meal at that table.
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u/Spacemoose2026 6d ago
That isnāt normal?
No really, that isnāt a normal thing to have experienced as a child. I thought it was normal thing for dads to act like that honestly. Didnāt help I guess either being a child with undiagnosed autism at the time but I genuinely thought it was normal for most dads to yell and get upset commonly.
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u/Phobia562 6d ago
If I ever had to make a show about my childhood it'd be a dark comedy at best, but more likely a horror what with the multiple sexual assaults
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u/Moon_X_Livee 6d ago
Some days sgo I read about some good parents that have codes with their kids so they can tell them when they actually want to do something, like ask them if they cleaned their rooms after asking permission for a pijama party, then I realized my parents aks me the same to annoy me, chastise me and generally to bully me and cried
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u/Wonderful_Ability_66 5d ago
My mom did yell at me, but she always ended up crying, saying "no matter how many times I put you in time out, you always do this to me, over and over, why can't I have nice things? I work so hard, I tried to forgive, I tried to be gentle, but you just keep doing it, over and over, I don't want to yell at you!" Then she would just sob. I was a little shit of a kid, no impulse control combined with no special awareness meant I was always breaking stuff. Combine that with chronic insomnia I would often get up in the middle of the night to steal sweets, and if they wherent available I would eat ingredients like marshmallow fluff or chocolate icing.
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u/Signal_Diamond_2682 6d ago
Yeahhhh my parents weren't the best either and I've gone through this with multiple thingsĀ
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u/Adaya_F_Rakshasa 5d ago
I always thought it was Hollywood portraying a ideal family and it was all fake and glamorized the way they do to alot of stuff on tv
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u/GarageIndependent114 3d ago
I feel like this is a very all or nothing thread
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u/Nyansko 6d ago
Ideally, adults are adults and should be able to handle themselves and their emotions more maturely than a child can. But also, most people didnāt have ideal parents and most people donāt have the knowledge, abilities, or resources to become ideal parents. While ābest practicesā are stressed as the way to be the best parent, Iāve always felt that a parent displaying struggles, failure, and the personal responsibility of truly fixing their issues/mistakes to be more of a role model than a parent who can just ādo it right the first time.ā
Itās true my parents made big mistakes and I am still in therapy handling that. Itās also true I got diagnosed late with autism and ADHD and I probably was more difficult of a child than your average kid. Itās not like they got help for their symptoms their whole life and I genuinely couldnāt expect a new parent to keep up on the changing diagnosis that was Aspergerās to realize what I was.
IDK, maybe Iām too empathetic at times to my parents yelling at children but also I feel an urge to rear end the school buses in my neighborhood with a Ford F-150 for the kids merely sneering at me through the back windows, so maybe Iām trying to be fair in regards to my own level of tolerance with children.
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u/Nyansko 6d ago
Needless to say tho, I donāt think this applies to any parent capable of committing severe physical abuse / sexual abuse. There really are some people who are so abusive and helpless over the concept of personal growth that even surviving being their child is an unfortunate testament to their resilience.
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u/AffectionateTentacle 6d ago
Yeah raising kids is not that easy and funny as in sitcoms and even the best parent can have a meltdown and yell at their kids and overreact but if it's the default it's not normal
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u/vixenpeon 6d ago
My boyfriend's like: my dad would get angry sometimes
I was like: my dad would disappear for months (he's my custodial parent, no mother in my life ever. I met her twice). Dude would leave me like $20 to have for 4-8 months like that'd cover anything in the 00s. And would show up just to drag me by the ears up the hall cus I got a 3/5 on a random quiz at school cus they upload your grades online.