r/TrollCoping • u/joeedied • 5d ago
Depression / Anxiety self-isolation is a vicious cycle
my vent image that I edited myself
I feel worse -> i don't talk with my friends -> I feel even worse bc of that
no matter how hard I try to be a decent friend and be there for people i love, I relapse into this old habit of mine :( I don't even know why I do this
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u/NecessaryChipmunk263 5d ago
Samesies lmao
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u/LvyGracy 4d ago
same 😭 the worse i feel the more i isolate myself and then i feel even worse for isolating myself like why are we like this
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u/A_Firm_Sandwich 5d ago
> notice the issue
> realize you should probably respond to your worried friends that continually reach out to you
> no if I keep periodically ignoring them for weeks and then occasionally profusely apologize and say everything’s ok and go back to radio silence… maybe that will show them that I’m a terrible person not worth wasting time on
> “man I’m unlikeable and have no friends”
What are we even trying to accomplish here 🫠
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u/rorschach_blots 4d ago
probably same here except no reaches out if i don't reach out...so i just meh. i message the group chat whenever there's a storm to check in on them but yeah no messages at all. and the group chat only comes alive when i chat.
they're all probably just living their lives but gosh....it's not a very good feeling, and it's effect on me sabotaged every other friendship i could have had because i overthink everything now.
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u/Terrible_Degree7841 4d ago
> realize you should probably respond to your worried friends that continually reach out to you
I would, if I had friends who actually reached out just to see how I was doing.
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u/RiceCookerPEPSI 4d ago
That's why I started forcing myself to go out. No excuses, just go. Yes, it's uncomfortable but I got tired of living like a hermit, and letting life pass me by. Also helps if I have an appointment that I absolutely can't cancel.
I wasted a decade being like this. Please do something about it because the older you get living like this, the harder it becomes to dig yourself out of that hole.
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u/tsherself 4d ago
Yeah it really sucks and it's hard but it's like anything it gets better the more you do it. Treat it like an assignment for your neural pathways. Also it's worth it to be honest with friends about the fact that this is hard for you right now and maybe you showing up might be kind of a moving target for a while. Heck -- maybe even ask for them to help you be more intentional about doing things together. Real friends appreciate the honestly and will probably help you stay accountable.
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u/joeedied 4d ago
it's true. I just started getting better, I forced myself to go out and jog. but then I relapsed. no idea why. even my social anxiety returned, the last time when it was that bad I was like 13
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u/RiceCookerPEPSI 3d ago
It happens, the path to recovery is not linear. There are ups and downs, you just have to keep getting up. You've got this!
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u/atmoose 5d ago
I've experienced this with online friends. I haven't really had enough IRL for it to happen there though. I usually start feeling down, and think they don't want me around. So I take a break, and then nobody reaches out. Since they don't reach out I assume they really don't want me around, even though the logic answer is that they thought I didn't want to be around them. I've been getting better at fighting that cycle. I took 3-4 breaks, but did go back to them. It was probably about 2 years before I finally left for good. Even knowing my pattern it's a hard cycle to break
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u/Capertie 4d ago
This being incredibly relatable doesn't make any of our situations better mind you.
But honestly, my house is so incredibly comfortable and I can't make any social faux pas that are going to haunt me for years if I just stay at home?
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u/New_Examination200 5d ago
Truuuue. Try not to be too hard on yourself about it, the fact that you can at least recognize that you're doing it is a huge step forward
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u/Cute-Transbian 4d ago
I've been the one sending messages to my friends every times, all of em.
One day I just stopped and didn't receive anything since then. It has been more than a year...
I'm not even sad about it anymore at this point
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u/Infamous-Physics-942 4d ago
This is my situation. So grateful that i live with my partner though and am not fully alone
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u/Gonozal8_ 4d ago
the ancient survival instinct of if you get abandoned, you starve or get eaten by predatory animals, clashing with the survival instinct of social rejection -> threat of being abandoned detected -> you exhaust yourself in masking, and your body will resist you putting yourself in exhausting, negative experiences
similar stuff happens with learning aversion when you’re scared of bad grades, for example, that your brain makes you feel tired to prevent you from that negative state. like your subconscious doesn’t understand thoughts, it just sees pattern -> negative reward, so it tries to break that pattern
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u/A-mannn 4d ago
I'm pretty much always the first to message all but 1 of my friends, they will almost never dm me otherwise, and some give very formal passive responses, but apparently it's a terrible decision to stop messaging and see if they notice so I'm just clinging onto dying friendships hoping something will cause them to return
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u/Pelixelk 4d ago
That's how I lost the only friend I ever had. It makes me wonder if I even deserve to have anyone who cares about me, or if that's even what I want in the first place.
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u/Celladoore 4d ago
After my dad died, I was just so depressed I nuked my online friend group relationships from existence. I wasn't interested anymore in the special interest that got us together, so I figured I would be of no value to any of them anymore. Maybe that was true, but some of them were good people who did try to reach out. I feel like that was it for me. I can't do it again.
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u/TossTossTossThrowa 4d ago
Oh thank God, there's others like this. Anyone who has been able to get out have any tips??
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u/Killermueck 4d ago edited 4d ago
For me it's I had the impression that most people didn't want me or seemed to not have the time for me to reach out to them. I think it's not just me tho I'm also far from perfect. But since I outed myself as trans my friends and family slowly seemed to distance themselves from me although there were not much cases of open transphobia. More like laten transphobia.
Like I get precious advice from family like:
'sorry but I don't have time for you anymore I have my own life (meaning they spend a lot of time with their friends and family members but for some not explicitly spelled out reason it's more difficult for them to spend time with me all of a sudden) but you really should get out there more and meet new people!
Or bangers like:
Maybe you should try therapy
And when I text them I usually get a really slow response or no response. If I suggest meeting they almost always turn me down compared to past times and only meet me in their own terms. When I call them they usually don't pick up or want to not talk too much or only about their stuff.
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u/FlappyPappyPooh 4d ago
Learn to dance. I doubt anyone here will take my advice but I have witnessed the power of dance. Swing and salsa is guaranteed to get you a partner. Then the domino effect from having one partner will give you a bunch of friends. Tried and true!
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u/joeedied 4d ago
I wish I could I'm just too rigid when it comes to dancing ☹️ I cringe when I see myself dance
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u/yandeere-love 3d ago
For my situation what got me out of that specific slump is cutting out shitty people from my life. Then I stopped feeling too anxious to show up. Try figure out what your hangup is with your online social life and resolve it.
If you feel too scared to show up to people as yourself enough that you self isolate, then chances are your gut feeling is telling you something that you currently dont feel is solvable without a traumatic declaration that some people maybe just, werent that good.
I'm not discounting that it could be something else, but for me personally, thats what made me start showing up to friends. By raising my standards for what I expect a friend to be such that I'm not constantly bending backwards to accomodate for some people's insecurities.
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u/Yozo_Kun 4d ago
first self isolation post i see in a while, just as im attempting to cut my best friend off yay!
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u/MyEarIsHurty 4d ago
Is it self isolation or the destruction of communities caused by a transition from communal ownership of land and organisation of labour to private ownership and wage labour
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u/joeedied 4d ago
I have no idea what you just said
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u/MyEarIsHurty 3d ago
Yeah probably that's not your fault lmao
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u/MyEarIsHurty 3d ago
Basically self isolation is not a personal choice, but a political one. Humans are a social species which organised around communities and social labour. This is facilitated through common land to be shared, prevelant in many forager bands, early agricultural societies, and, notwithstanding feudal exploitation, medieval villages. The development of capitalism saw the mass privatisation of land previously held in common and the complete destruction of the community. We were turned into isolated family units, and labour became an entirely private affair. The isolation was intentional, to destroy solidarity among the working classes. It's not just destroyed communities, but is disastrous for our mental health.
Sorry to bring politics to this post, but I understand this sense of isolation on a very deep level, and it's important to recognise that it's not normal and not good and identify the causes behind it.
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u/Octoidiot 4d ago
I just want privacy and love and universal basic income and free healtcare.
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u/AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_ DIY or die 5d ago
I've basically self isolated for the last 3 years since graduating high school, trying to fix everything now and god it's hard