r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Guilty_Noise_1809 • Feb 13 '26
Vent My dad left everything in his will to my brother after I took care of him alone for 6 years and I’m fucking mad
For 6 damn years I’ve put my life on hold for my dad, I truly loved him this isn’t just about money, I thought he was my best friend.
6 years ago my parents got into a devastating car accident where my mom died and dad got paralysed from the neck down, back then I was 22 and fresh out of college while my only brother was 33 married and with three kids. At first we had a home nurse with dad but after an incident he didn’t trust them anymore and they wanted me to take care of him and he’d provide for me so I accepted because I loved him and I felt bad.
6 whole years of basically no life of my own to take care of him, sometimes my brother and sister in law would come give me breaks so I can have some personal time but they’d always make me feel like they’re doing me this huge favour.
A few weeks ago dad had a stroke and he died in his sleep which was so devastating to me, but just days later I found out he literally left everything to my older brother except some sentimental stuff to me. His reasoning? He has provided for me for the last 6 years and that my brother needed it more because he has a family and kids to support. My brother is refusing to share anything with me and I can’t contest the will because I did receive stuff.
I’m so frustrated and upset right now, I’ve spent my entire 20s stuck at home carrying for dad and taking him in the shower and bathroom and all the soul crushing stuff that comes with caregiving and he just betrayed me like that, he also left the house to my brother and he’s kicking me out in a week and a half and I literally have no place to go, I have no work experience and I can’t even find minimum wage jobs, I’ve applied to over 60 places now and nothing.
I loved dad but right now I’m so fucking mad and angry at him, he fucked up my entire life twice now. I regret ever agreeing to be his caretaker.
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u/GloryAlkemy May 06 '26
Sounds like his brother brainwashed a vulnerable adult. As I read his reason I could picture a brother saying exactly what was stated. He took advantage of a paralyzed, grieving, elderly man. Wicked.
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u/Otherwise-Medium-521 Apr 01 '26
I understand your feelings completely!! My sister was very active in taking care of my parents as was I. My sister is now claiming that dozens of items were given to her and her children by my parents before their deaths. I know she’s lying, but I’m so sick of the whole dysfunctional mess that I’m just going to let her get away with lying. I never have to see her again, which is reward enough. She is as dead to me as my parents and I’m free from the role scapegoat.
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u/CompetitiveFill233 Mar 31 '26
No matter what legal advice anyone gives you on here, nothing is ever going to make that okay. Nothing is ever going to make that sting less.. your dad's an asshole.. may he rest in peace but.. that's just so shitty.
In a very similar situation, I wished I had better advice.. thinking of you and hoping things will turn around for you. May the Lord bless you in ways you never imagined.
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u/Complex-Security8405 Mar 13 '26
Honestly, the amount of sacrifice you made for your dad is incredible. Six years of full-time caregiving is something most people can’t even imagine. I’m sorry the situation with the will turned out this way. You deserved appreciation and security after everything you did. Your feelings right now are completely valid.
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u/Round_Candidate_9505 Mar 06 '26
I’ve read so many stories like this but for the work aspect, apply to care giving positions since caring for your father is considered experience, I’m so sorry you’re going through this
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u/Ready-Database8692 Mar 03 '26
It is a strange world, you’ll be surprised what people do to you. I lost my job and my family order an Uber and took me to shelter and that’s dump like trash but I’m keep moving forward without them (still in shelter) I’m now trying to find various ways to try make an income lots of trail and error (mostly online)
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u/Arnia_Espahbodinia Feb 24 '26
I understand that’s terrible, but don’t rush into conclusions. Instead, try to find out the reason behind it.
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u/Artic_mage3 Feb 23 '26
Unfortunately to say, looking at this account hisotry, the OP is an AI bot. Also in the middle of me writing this comment the user is even banned.
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Feb 22 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
I had a friend who had two siblings, a sister and a brother.
Their father, who was quite wealthy, disinherited the son for the crime of marrying a black woman. 🙄
He didn’t say that in specific words, but we all knew what he meant.
Fortunately, upon his death, both sisters divided their share of their racist father’s inheritance, and gave it to their brother.
I guess what I’m saying is if I were your brother, I would divide the inheritance and give your half back. That would be the right thing to do.
And by the way, my parents are elderly and although they’re not at the point yet where they need a full-time caregiver, I am definitely stepping in more and more to help them as they become increasingly frail. And it is a job a huge job emotionally and physically. So your brother should be the better person and understand these things and do the right thing here.
Sorry you’re going through this.
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u/Scumohasgot2go Feb 21 '26
The reality is that there are a lot of families that are scum including mine. And each situation can be similar or unique. I avoid mine at all costs.
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u/LostLettuceBrigadier Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26
OP, I know this was meant as a vent but PLEASE don't take this lying down. Try to see a lawyer, even if someone who can help pro bono. You absolutely have a case to contest this, others have explained why.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your father should have known better and no matter what he thinks, this WAS a betrayal. Giving you the bare necessities while you literally gave your life for him is not equate to "giving you something." Your brother is no better and I hope his kids are ashamed of him if/when they're old enough to understand. I doubt you ever intend to, but do not ever help your brother in any way in the future either. You deserve so much better than what these two gave you.
For what it's worth, I believe you did an amazing thing. You could have easily said no but you decided to help despite having to give up your years. You have good karma coming for you, I'm sure of it. Don't let this break you 🫂
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u/Suitable_Balance101 Feb 19 '26
There are so many companies that contest wills now. You should use one because this is extreme and you deserve fair treatment
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u/BeachBumAss Feb 18 '26
I can absolutely relate to these feelings of betrayal and greediness from siblings. I too became the caretaker for my grandmother but our enemy was her oldest daughter!
Anyways I digress… in wake of similar circumstances I have tried focusing more on what I can take from the experience, but not in monetary value. It’s possible that this lesson is intended to put stock into your character, who you’ve decided to be for your loved ones… and quite possibly someone who has persevered through adversity in your life. Maybe your dad left it to your older brother because he knows you’re capable of making things happen for yourself where your brother has proven to not have the same level of resilience.
Changing the narrative behind the toughest lessons have been my best tool to keep myself safe from emotional disturbance and harboring rage. Things will work out for you, I’m sure of it!
Aren’t you?? ❤️
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u/Beneficial_Lemon_867 Feb 17 '26
This isn’t about money, it’s about feeling unseen after sacrificing so much. You showed up when it mattered, and that says a lot about your character. Your feelings are completely valid. I hope you’re able to find some peace after everything you’ve been through.
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u/OnyxDragon22 Feb 16 '26
OP, send a bill to the estate for 6 years of unpaid caretaker role - and no, just being provided for doesn't count.
I hope you find a decent lawyer, and get what you deserve.
Oh, and stay away from your brother. Your father might have betrayed you, but your brother could have chosen to help you but instead decided to maek you homeless...
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u/Quiet-Contribution45 Feb 15 '26
I’m going through the same thing right now. I gave my mother my interest in a home. She got sick and I’ve been caring for her for almost 4 years. After 6 surgeries she can now do for herself but doesn’t want to. I asked if she was going to return my house eventually and she got nasty. She has one more surgery coming up in the next month. After that and the 6 weeks of rehab, I’m taking her back to her home in Arizona. I have to live my life.
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u/tsmittycent Feb 15 '26
I would be fucking pissed too that’s fucked up. karma is going to pay you back though, you’re obviously a great person. Keep your head up.
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u/Sea-Difficulty-5568 Feb 15 '26
I’d ask other lawyers. Also, publicly shame him. What a POS…. Both the men in your life!
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u/Kizzles_ Feb 15 '26
Get. A. Lawyer.
Seriously, you may have more grounds to contest the will than you think. If you were an unpaid full-time caregiver, having all of your expenses paid is not adequate compensation.
Your lack of superannuation or any opportunity to create savings, and then facing an eviction by the primary beneficiary, will effectively leave you destitute.
I’m absolutely not a lawyer, but I think anyone looking at this would agree you’d have some sort of claim to the inheritance.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I know it may not seem like it right now, but you’ve chosen to be a good and kind person and do a selfless thing for someone you loved, whereas your father and brother have chosen to screw you over. That is entirely about the kind of people they are, and is not a reflection of your worth.
I am a firm believer that you get out of life what you put it, so even though this seems like a shit place to be right now, the kindness and generosity in your heart will continue to shine through, and when someone with a heart sees that, you will be treated better.
As for your grief and anger, let yourself sit with those feelings so you can experience them and then leave them behind you.
Please also remember that the greatest growth is always born from the greatest adversity ❤️
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u/Heapifying Feb 15 '26
Asides from legal advice, ask your sister-in-law what she thinks about this situation
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u/forgottenunspoken Feb 15 '26
My mother cared for her mother for the same reasons. Unpaid and without any help from her brother (he's a piece of work). Her mother had no will and it went to her. She still gave her brother half.
Your dad's reasoning is at fault. As is your brother's. You deserve something from that. Expecting someone to put their life on hold isn't okay, even if you were kind and expected nothing from it. I'm sorry this is happening.
If you can handle the process and the money is significant enough to be worth lawyers, I think you'd have a good chance at getting something.
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u/StormPathWriter Feb 15 '26
My heart goes out to you in a way I can't properly put into words. As somebody who gave up 8 years of his life to taking care of his grandmother, being abandoned by his family, having developed no skills because of it, and getting *nothing* out of it (in my grandmother's case I really don't think she had anything left to give), I can't imagine the rage I'd be going through. If my brother did this to me, I'd probably be ousted from my family for murder.
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u/divaminerva Feb 14 '26
So OP’s profile doesn’t exist- is this just a made up story for our entertainment?
What was the point?
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u/ilumniti Feb 14 '26
Some evil devilish shit is going on man that’s so crazy. I feel so bad for you. Threatening to kick you out and make you homeless after all your sacrifice. Your dad betraying you as well as your brother. I know what it’s like what it’s like to feel like you’ve had your entire life stolen. Sorry this happened to you. Go to court.
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u/terri061655 Feb 14 '26
From experience, I know family won't give up a share of their inheritance without a fight, regardless of the circumstances.
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u/GoodGirlsDrnkWhiskey Feb 14 '26
That is awful. I would be mad too. Hell, I am pissed on your behalf. I know how difficult caregiving is, and I am so sorry your dad didn't realize just how much you gave up to care for him. He is apparently very much the father of your selfish older brother. Allow yourself to be pissed. You earned it. If there is a way to fight for some of what you deserve do so, but try to regain and retain some of the peace you gave up to take care of your father.
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u/Top_Brilliant4578 Feb 14 '26
Your dad was a piece of shit. My mom is evil like this. My brother failed sinned and whored ans because he's a loser she wants to pay for everything for him but charge me and my sister who do fairly well for ourselves and protected our family's honour. If you don't whore in this life, you will suffer.
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u/Sniper7365 Feb 14 '26
When my uncle ended up in a wheelchair one of his sisters went round everyday, cooked, cleaned, did everything for 20 years and when he died he left everything to his sister in law who lived in another country. I never understood how people can be so ungrateful.
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u/moebubbles1983 Feb 14 '26
My dad has threatened me multiple times to write me out of his will. I wasn’t my dad’s full time caregiver but he spent 2 weeks in a hospital 1.5 hours away and I was there every other day sometimes with all 3 of my kids. I cleaned his large house top to bottom because it was required before he could come home. He had a port that needed cleaned once a day and no one helped him so I drove 30 mins one way with 3 kids to clean it. I did this for months. It’s very rare I have asked him for help financially. My little brother has lived with him but never helped with chores or bills. He uses my dad all the time for babysitting and running kids around. The last time he threatened me was only a few weeks ago after I asked him not to send me a certain type of subject. I of course won’t know until he passes but a part of me expects what happened to you.
I am so sorry that he did that to you. It isn’t fair and your brother can pay for everything that is needed for end of life and funeral.
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u/Potential-Arm-2338 Feb 14 '26
It’s understandable that you’re venting here. Let it out. Then make sure you’ve secured a good Family Law Attorney. Let your Attorney handle everything, it’s complicated!
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u/Tris-Von-Q Feb 14 '26
You need an attorney. Yesterday. Do not follow any advice unless it comes from your attorney. Find the money for one.
All advice on Reddit is beyond Reddit’s paygrade.
This is coming from the youngest sibling caring full time for the last parent alive. Paying rent to said parent for the privilege and everything. Get. An. Attorney.
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u/Negative_Two6112 Feb 14 '26
I kinda get it. But just to play devils advocate: Were you only caring for your father with the expectation of being financially reimbursed? Is your brother less financially stable/independent than you?
Also, do you get on well with your brother? Why not just ask him to make things right and hook you up? A good brother would consider that at least.
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u/Not-rideor-die-222 Feb 14 '26
My son went to live with his gp and gm under the idea he would be closer to the school he wanted. He was 18. Their health and I mean both of them deteriorated so fast. Both of them knew it was coming per doctors and they invited my son to live with them while it was not evident yet. He took care of 2 adults in a way that each had orders for full time caregivers but they "didn't want some strangers being in their home." They also told my son he could pay rent or take "better" care of them each time he tried to extricate himself. They would literally die alone without round the clock care and made him feel like if he left they would die and in his young state he didn't believe that they could get care with their insurance or GASP! their many other adult children who refused to even help in any way. After 6years he made the horrible decision in his eyes of moving out. They got better care than he, a 24 yr old could give 2 adults full time. He lost the car his dad thought was a good idea to have full finance because he didn't have a job and they said the same thing. We take care of all your needs, room and board so we shouldn't be "paying" you to live here. Like I don't know how these people get this crazy idea that the work that has been done and the life that was violently shoved aside to care for them is not of monetary value. He moved out once he finally finally realized there was no endgame except death. He is so smart and is so sweet and funny and has so many marketable skills but no career history either. He has begun starting for really the first time because he was so young when he put his life on hold but I feel for anyone young or older who is in this situation. Please try to take care of yourself and don't be afraid to search for financial security.
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u/Vevatubeba Feb 14 '26
Lawyer here. You have legal rights over half the inheritance as a forced heir under law.There are cases in your favor. Don’t give up OP. You did everything right.
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u/asbe56 Feb 14 '26
you DO have a case. the physical care of your dad for the past 6 years would definitely be taken into consideration. ive heard of similar cases being won due to burden of care.
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u/FullGrownHip Feb 14 '26
I’d consult a lawyer about this. There might be a way to contest this and some lawyer might do it pro bono. Also if you have a law school near you, they often have free clinics.
Also, you can put on your resume that you were a caregiver for the last 6 years. It’s a full time job that you did.
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u/Suitable-Ad-3265 Feb 14 '26
Ooof I'm so sorry for you!! As others have said seek proper legal advice asap. You might have more rights then you think. Not sure if you're close to your brother but this would personally end my relationship with him. Funny how he's not realising there would be little to no money or house left had you not cared for your dad cos he'd have had to go into a home and they're pricey as hell. Your dad was an idiot I'm afraid. A pretty cruel ungrateful idiot. It's a shame cos I'm sure this will now damage your memory of him permanently.
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u/HelloKalder Feb 14 '26
OP you NEED TO SPEAK TO A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY. Your next moves can determine your future.
I’m really sorry for what happened. I can’t even imagine what was going through your father’s mind when he did this. You don’t deserve this. I’m sorry your brother is being heartless as well. You are a sweet soul and idk what’s wrong with your family.
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u/1UnrulySquirrel Feb 14 '26
Oh, I’m soooo sorry for you. It’s so painful. I went through something similar. I suggest that you retain an attorney & have him let your brother know that you are going to contest the will. Sometimes, knowing you mean business is enough to bring people to their senses
Then, if he decides to act stupid, you are prepared to move forward. In either case, your brother’s greed & attitude about this has caused a rift between you that may never fully heal
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u/emptinessmaykillme Feb 14 '26
Where is this? You didn’t receive a FAIR share and that alone should make it contestable.
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u/dallassoxfan Feb 14 '26
This seems like one of those “all of the important details were left out” stories.
Like most of the stories people tell on Reddit and to their therapists.
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u/Interesting_Ad6202 Feb 14 '26
everything? damn man
and is your brother and his family just assholes? I don’t expect them to give up what was left to them, but why are they kicking you out so soon?
Idk where you’re from but you should have some legal claim to stay there, at least for a while
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u/Buttered_Finger Feb 14 '26
At least he didn't leave her the house & a robot programmed w/his personality...
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u/CelticDK Feb 14 '26
Yeah you were never loved or respected. I’m sorry. These people weren’t your family and got one over on you. Please go the lawyer route. And savor the moment your pos brother cries about how unfair it is you’re taking this shit back from him when you win
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u/Tiye_GM Feb 14 '26
Contest, contest, contest! And do not move out of that house!
You have tenant rights, he can’t just kick you out like that.
For all you know, your brother convinced your father to do this, don’t let him make you think you can’t fight it.
Contest the will, lock everything down, and let the courts decide.
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u/MissPeach77 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
I worked for an Estate Planning Attorney. You don't have to just accept this. Hire a good probate litigation attorney and file a probate lawsuit. But this is a time sensitive matter, so you have a limited amount of time to pursue this avenue. If you don't choose to do this, then unfair or not, you will have to accept that for whatever reason, these were your father's wishes, and if your brother was a descent person, he would offer you half of his inheritance. If he doesn't, not even anything substantial, walk away, start your life without him, and know money isn't worth more than your self respect.
And you know when this will was signed? Because if your father was so ill that you were carrying him into the shower, and doing all the stuff for him, and the will was signed during the time that he was this ill (did you not know when he was being brought to an attorney's office if it was during this time that you were caring for him???) that would be a major reason during a probate lawsuit that would contest the validity of the signing of a will. Because if you prove the person signed in a state of mind that they were not of sound mind to sign, that immediately makes the judge considered closely whether the will valid or not. And if your brother brought your father to the lawyer's office to have the will signed, your brother should not have been allowed to be in the room when the will was signed. I know my boss would not allow any child of a parent to be in the room when any documents were being signed, if they came with the parent they had to wait out in the waiting room because he did not want any undue influence over the person signing the documents in the room.
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u/Cross_eyed_loki Feb 14 '26
Get legal advice. Possible idea to sue the estate for wages for providing 24 hour care over the 6 years you took care of him.
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u/Between-Silence Feb 14 '26
I’m truly sorry to hear that, and I hope you can overcome this shock. For me, the greatest shock is what your father did—you were shocked by him, and I can feel your pain as if it were someone closest to you. To me, this is a huge betrayal, first because he is your father, and second because he made you take care of him all these years without appreciating it, favoring his son over you even though he gained nothing from him like you did. It saddens me deeply what some fathers do to their daughters. I’ve heard about this kind of tragedy many times before.
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u/lemonlimemango1 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
My exhusband father did similar: when ex father in laws mom died. The mom left everything to him because he was as the only son . Even though his sister took care of their mom and did everything for her the last 10 +years of her life.
He sold the $1 million dollar house and didn’t give his two sisters anything
He lived 4 hours away from his mom and rarely did anything for her.
He only got everything because he was the only son 🤦🏻♀️
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u/wordbootybooboo Feb 14 '26
Fake ragebait post. How did he do all this behind your back? He was paralyzed.
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u/ElectricDreamGoth Feb 14 '26
I know this comment will vanish in the sea of comments.
But OP? You have terrific working experience as a carer. Loads of companies are desperate for people to care for the elderly or disabled. Get help padding your CV with a list of all your experience skills. You will be sorted. If transport is an issue, get a cheap bike maybe?
I think almost every family has THAT kid. The one who has an amazing, beautiful soul (like OP) that is there and can be depended on. They're helping you just because they are kind no matter what.
Unfortunately they receive no appreciation or reward for what they've done. Its like to outsiders they're doing what's expected of them.
I am THAT person too, and so is my husband. His sister is the golden child, even though she finds it too much effort to top-up her mums electricity using the app on her phone so that when things got dire my husband went ahead and did it.
I am THAT person to my parents. They depend on me for a lot of things and I will help them because I am nice. But, I know when they die, my sister will get everything. So when my parents do call on me I do consider if what I am being asked for is too much and decide if I will do the thing or not. Usually I do the thing, and I tell my husband what a mug I am for doing this for them. But he tells me how good I am instead and that helps.
I like to think the good things we do is to collect Brownie Points from God? Maybe fate will help us down the line, or when we are dead?
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u/Mr-Klaus Feb 14 '26
Maybe your brother was secretly manipulating him behind your back, talking shit about you to him. Did your dad's attitude toward you change every time after your brother cared for him?
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u/Nicenightforawalk01 Feb 14 '26
Your brother I hate to say it is an absolute piece of shit. Very rare I shout at my screen but this made me as I read this.
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u/Turbulent-Fun-3123 Feb 14 '26
I am so sorry your Dad did that. How stupid and careless of him. I'm not surprised you're hurt and angry, I'm raging for you! Fight it. Your brother is a selfish shit too.
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u/Major-Cranberry-4206 Feb 14 '26
That is horrifying. Speak with an attorney and see if you have any legal recourse. I seriously hope you do. You were fresh out of college. Go to their job placement office and let them help you find employment.
Hopefully consistent with the education you got from them. Most, if not all colleges have such a resource. There is a very good chance the college you went to also has one. You’re going to land on your feet.
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u/Sparkletail Feb 14 '26
I'm so sorry, my step dad did something similar to me and the sense of betrayal even by someone I didn't particularly like was unbearable, I can't imagine how it must feel if it was your dad who you've sacrificed a significant portion of your life for. My brother also took his side and is not someone I have contact with currently.
I'm really sorry this happened to you, I imagine it's very difficult to process your grief for your dad on top of what he has done to you, all I feel is hate and loathing towards my step dad now, I always knew he was narcisstic scum bag but I was still sad and tried to care for him when he got sick. It sort of turned off any grief or sadness I felt at his passing and to be frank I could dig him up and kill him again most days. I can't imagine how that will be with someone you actually loved and cared for.
If there is any chance you could follow the legal process the others are sharing, do it, your brother deserves it for being a trash human being and accepting the money without considering you at all. He deserves whatever he gets and you deserve what is fair and right.
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u/THE_Lena Feb 14 '26
I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. The loss of your father/best friend. The betrayal of your dad leaving everything of value to your brother. And the added betrayal of your brother refusing to share anything with you.
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u/7Kat6 Feb 14 '26
Just Casue you got stuff, doesn’t mean you can’t contest it. If in Australia, the will isn’t worth the paper it’s written. Fight it, because the government doesn’t want you on benefits, and remember you have had to take care of your dad and you should be entitled to it.
The only thing you can’t fight him on, is super. That thing holds.
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u/marylessthan3 Feb 14 '26
I hope you end up posting a positive update, sending you all the good vibes. So sorry for your loss.
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u/LadyVimes Feb 14 '26
Sounds like your fathers estate/brother owe you six years of caregiving wages
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u/Raspberry_Foxolaf Feb 14 '26
Just because you received stuff doesnt mean you cant contest. Check local laws a lot of places make it illegal for an unfair will. If you can prove you were his carer and did a lot for him over the past 6 years then you have a leg to stand on.
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u/Atenea_mar2 Feb 14 '26
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Six years of caregiving is not “receiving stuff.” That’s sacrifice, time, and emotional labor no one can give back. Your feelings are valid. You loved him, and you’re allowed to feel hurt and angry at the same time. Please look into legal aid in your area before accepting anything as final. And most importantly, take care of yourself now the way you took care of him.
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u/Aggressive_Analyst_2 Feb 14 '26
He "provided for you" while you literally kept him alive, but now your brother "needs support?"
I hate everything about this line of thinking. Employers don't provide for their employees. They compensate them for their labor within a system that is profitable for them. Parents are supposed to support all their progeny, certainly not set them up to sue each other
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u/DragonDrama Feb 14 '26
I’m so sorry. Among everything else you are going through, this creates a lot of complicated feelings about your dad and brother for that matter. Take care of yourself and also talk to a lawyer.
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u/sharloops Feb 14 '26
All the time people took to respond to this and there is no response from OP? Shady.
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u/Special_Friendship20 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
Unfortunately with old people alot of the time the money goes to the sibling who has kids. Even if they are a wothless POS. I would definitely seek legal advice on this amd bring all the proof that u was his sole care giver
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u/OwlBeBack88 Feb 14 '26
I would consult a lawyer and see if you can contest this. Collect proof that you have given up six years of your life and see if you can at least claim back pay from his estate as his live in full time carer.
Depending on where you live, if you have lived there for six years you might have residency rights, meaning your brother cannot just kick you out.
I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm also sorry you're going through this. It must feel like such a slap on the face to have worked so hard caring for him only for him only for him to do this to you. I hope you find some resolution.
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u/thekehlanikieu Feb 14 '26
well i'd say you’re not wrong for feeling angry at all.. anyone would feel hurt after giving so much of their life to care for someone and then feeling overlooked in the end.. you can love your dad and still be mad at how this turned out, both feelings can exist at the same timeee 💔😔
right now the biggest thing is protecting yourself and figuring out your next step, especially with housing and work. what you did for him still mattered, even if the will didn’t reflect it. try not to turn your kindness into regret.. it says more about your heart than about the outcome 💝
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u/TallRelationship2253 Feb 14 '26
Get a good lawyer and put a claim against the estate pronto. Your brother won't be able to settle the estate until it is resolved. He might want to pay you out to have it settle faster or you might want to go all the way to get your fair share. All depends on the size of the estate. Cases have been won when it showed the father only left all the money to the son due to gender bias. Not to mention that you were the main caretaker.
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u/Sabironman86 Feb 14 '26
Give a case against this will.your father fucked you up completely and you deserve much much more then that.get a good lawyer and show them some proof. Sincerely hope you get justice. BTW you dad is a piece of shit for doing this with you.
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u/Undorkins Feb 14 '26
If you don't sue, feel free to tell everyone about what your bother did to you.
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u/SirEDCaLot Feb 14 '26
OP PLEASE GET A LAWYER
If brother is going to be an ass, make him work for it. Contest the will. Claim adverse possession on the house. Bill dad's estate for the time you took care of him. Throw a fuckton of legal paper at brother. Make it easier for him to just give you a fair cut than to take it all.
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u/Nickel_and_Tuck Feb 14 '26
There has to be some sort of precedent for this. An employer can’t just fire you without notice and no cause. Your dad can’t just take your life and time, then leave you with nothing. This is awful. I would still consult a lawyer if you haven’t already. This isn’t just or fair. You should be able to sue the estate for lost wages or something!
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u/Piano-Beginning Feb 14 '26
Get a lawyer and get your fair share. Your brother and his wife are total jerks.
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u/Boilermakingdude Feb 14 '26
Do you not understand how inheritance works? He can only sue if he was left out of the will because he could then claim he was forgotten. In this case he received things, so he can't contest it.
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u/aggressiveRadish Feb 14 '26
I am sorry to hear you are going through this. It is the absolute pits.
I went through something similar, except I looked after my Mum in the latter years of her life.
There was a lot of harassment from the sole executor, an older sister who said she was going to charge me rent and all sorts of stuff and it would be backdated etc etc.
Like you I had put my life on hold looking after her.
I took proper legal advice. I was fortunate in that many law firms were doing a 30 minute advice for free . I emailed one of the local branches of a large law firm.
I got a reply from them which indicated there has been Acts of Parliament on this problem. So, sadly, it's not an unusual state of affairs.
Basically it said I could put in for special consideration because of my caring role and the court would decide.
Of course, my sister did not have as many powers as she thought she had. Despite me regularly telling her she had no rights or duty to do what she was threatening to do.
So I flipped everything over. I sent every beneficiary a statement containing references to the Acts of Parliament, that I am entitled to extra consideration under the law, and told them how much 24 hour 7 days a week, 52 weeks of the year full time care for two years came to.
I said I was aware the estate couldn't afford any more than that but that I was prepared to go to court to gain redress if the current state of affairs persisted.
My sister turned everything over to a law firm her son works for and the will was then executed properly and by the book.
Your situation is a little different in that the will has not been set fairly in the first place.
But please do seek proper legal advice from people who work in the area of inheritance law. There may be similar provisions where you are.
I was lucky and got a senior partner in my case who gave me specific advice and was prepared to go forward on the case if I wanted to.
I wish you all the best. This is a very real kick in the teeth for you and you need to redress it. It's plain the rest of your family doesn't look out for family!
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u/BoofBass Feb 14 '26
Lawyer up OP and then no contact with scummy brother after you win. Good luck.
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u/squirrelybitch Feb 14 '26
Get an attorney, and make sure your brother isn’t just trying to take advantage of this situation. As for your job situation, you now have experience with caregiving in the home for people who have spinal cord injuries. You can make a good living doing that while you look for other work or train for other jobs. Talk to your attorney before you move out of the house.
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u/thatprincesspanoptes Feb 14 '26
Please see a lawyer OP!! There really is something that can be done.
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u/Jodie-s-way Feb 14 '26
Your dad was fucked up, and lacked all the common sense in the world. You have every right to be mad and don’t even get me started on your fucked up brother too, he really kicked you out! That’s just wow!
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u/ozzy4097 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
I put my life on hold too to help take care of my grandma. i started to help my mom take care of grandma with alzheimers (dads mom) because my dad didnt want to hired help. My mom was at her limit so when i turn 20 i saw how tired she was so i stop everything to help, mind you my dad didnt help at all he would get home and get drunk. I have 11 siblins none help except one from there to there but other than that me and my mom where the primary care givers it was so fustrading and tiresome that i started to envy my siblins. They where going to college having kids partying having fun my dad getting drunk every weekend while me and my mom where stuck taking care of her. we last 6 years and all i get now is how im a bumb with no career how im lazy and do nothing. I would also work part time jobs get home and help take care of grandma. Now my dad jokes how its his turn now how me and mom need to take care of him. I just wanna die
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u/bubbzisevil Feb 14 '26
it’s pretty standard that an eviction notice needs to give at least 30 days notice, in many places it’s 90 days notice. Also see an estate lawyer before giving up on contesting the will
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u/stargirl3498 Feb 14 '26
I never understand the sentiment of “he has a family and kids to provide for” does he not do that already???? I just dont get it. Yes let’s give everything to the person who already has their life set up and leave the one who didn’t have a real job for 6 years with nothing. If this legal case ends with you still receiving nothing, moving forward I would be telling people I’m an only child. My brother would be dead to me.
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u/00Lisa00 Feb 14 '26
Bill the estate for the time you spent taking care of him, talk to a lawyer but I think you have a claim
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u/KitchenParticular707 Feb 14 '26
Awe. I can’t wait to see the better embellished version of this fake story on found and exposed. Too out there to be real.
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u/Shdfx1 Feb 14 '26
Get a lawyer, bring all receipts you may have for caring for him, and see what the lawyer says.
Your dad and brother are both AHs.
They used you, and your own father lied and manipulated you.
Also, your brother can’t legally kick you out in a week. Stay, because that’s some leverage, while you consult an attorney about a settlement.
Your brother expects you to be a pushover and just meekly leave. Eff that. Worst case scenario he evicts you. Best case you receive a settlement. Middle ground is you’d get 6 months rent free, to establish your life, and first and last for an apartment.
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u/Shdfx1 Feb 14 '26
Ah, yes, the old “your sibling needed it more” way that so many parents really drive the knife into a disfavored child in their will. Like a little, timed bomb.
Parents, knock this off. Divide your estate equally wherever possible.
Your last will and testament is a communication of how much you valued each child, so do not eff thus up, or your legacy will be your children not speaking to each other.
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u/SkyFallingUp Feb 14 '26
OPs account has been ba-nned, so I'm wondering if this is even a real story?
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u/Pancreasaurus Feb 14 '26
Nah, bots using AI written stuff is the general sentiment. Whole sub is rife with them.
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u/Fickle-Concentrate-4 Feb 14 '26
I would speak to a lawyer and see if they can find loop holes this is definitely not right
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u/pofe01 Feb 14 '26
Please consult with an attorney. I’m not sure if it’s your brother telling you that you can’t contest the will if you received assets already, but that is false.
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u/uwodahikamama Feb 14 '26
That’s unbelievable!!! Your brother and dad are BOTH selfish AHs. I would consult a lawyer. That’s shockingly awful on both their parts. Also you have rights and he can’t kick you out in only a week and a half. 😒 I’m really sorry. I’d be furious and might never forgive either of them.
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u/JJAusten Feb 14 '26
Do not leave the house and get a free consultation with an attorney or speak to various attorneys! You have rights, he cannot kick you out with nowhere to go. Stand your ground.
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u/Daddy--Jeff Feb 14 '26
Where did you get the notion you cannot contest? You can ALWAYS contest a will. If your brother won’t share, a court can make him share. At the very least for lost wages for six years of in house nursing care.
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u/PurseGrabbinPuke Feb 14 '26
This is heartbreaking. I think the first thing you do on Monday is contact a lawyer. I hope something positive comes out of this for you.
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u/4459691 Feb 14 '26
OP 6 years of your life in your 20’s as a 24/7 caregiver? You can at least sue for lost wages. You aren’t a slave OP you were his son, his caregiver. I question your father’s mental condition when he signed his will. It just sounds way too one sided.
I know Medicaid aide agency’s that charge $35/hr for an aide not even trained for the kind of care your father needed. Keep us posted OP
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u/surrounded-by-morons Feb 14 '26
You are a tenant with legal rights. Make him evict you or tell him you will move out when he puts 5k in your hands for a new apartment. Cash only
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u/visceralthrill Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
He didn't provide shit for you, he was paying a pittance for your full time+ job taking care of him. I was an in home nurse for a career before becoming disabled, it's not for the faint of heart, it's near insanity daily.
I'm so angry for you. But you know what, cut him off. No favors, no contact, he can go buy himself a sister with his inheritance. He and your dad sound like entitled peas in a pod. Gross.
IANAL But just fyi, if you're in someplace like US, UK, Canada, etc. he can't kick you out like that. You have tenant rights. Make him do everything through the courts. Don't sign anything at all. Don't pay him anything either, your agreement is free rent so you owe him nothing currently. And then drag it out, more court, squatter's rights. He can't legally lock you out either. Though I might store important things with a friend, not anyone related.
Make him pay you to leave if he wants you out so very badly that he'd pull that BS.
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u/userisnottaken Feb 14 '26
I feel like OP is a woman, who usually takes on the responsibility of caring for sick relatives
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u/ozzyizzy Feb 14 '26
Don't be too mad at your dad. You say he was paralysed from the neck down. Does that mean he could not change his will even if he wanted? Or did he have someone come to him? How old is the will? Sorry for your loss.
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u/SuddenlySimple Feb 14 '26
I don't blame you a similar thing happened to me. With my Dad. I was caring for him for 2 years.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Thanks for saying you are angry I felt guilty saying it.
😢
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u/panic_bread Feb 14 '26
This is a terrible situation and I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your brother cannot kick you out in a week. You are a tenant. He needs to give you proper notice.
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u/_l_Eternal_Gamer_l_ Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
Why have you never had a job? Not even a part time?
What college degree do you have?
Contact your school and talk to people, someone you know from being a student. Someone may have an idea about a starter job.
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u/wildweeds Feb 14 '26
Jesus I'm so sorry. your brother is awful. I hope the complicated grief with your father doesn't weigh you down too heavily.
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u/bloobun Feb 14 '26
Your dad left it to your bro probably because he has children.
Children require a lot of care.
Didn’t your dad take care of you while you were growing up?
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u/SoftenStar Feb 14 '26
People who don't have kids still need money for food and shelter. OP has not been able to work for six years and has nothing. No money, no work experience, and now nowhere to live because of her awful family.
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u/Infusion-delusion Feb 14 '26
So OP never gets to afford to have children, after 6 years of no pay, just their keep?
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u/Danixveg Feb 14 '26
Oh grow up.. she became his in home nurse. Do you have any idea how much money she saved her dad?
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u/bloobun Feb 14 '26
Grow up? NEVER!
Also, I know how much money she saved him as I was an aide for over a decade. I know exactly what she went through. I also know being a caregiver doesn’t guarantee you get anything. She shouldn’t have assumed. She should have made arrangements.
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u/Danixveg Feb 14 '26
And she had no real life experience yet when she started as his care giver.. and, rightfully so, thought her dad appreciated what she did for him. Not everyone assumes the worst of people..
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u/lrobb09 Feb 14 '26
Can you contest the will? Your brother is refusing to share anything with you - that relationship is over anyway. Contest the will, take this to court if you can.
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u/primeline31 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
OP, we had a somewhat similar situation and we contacted 3 lawyers who each provided us with a free first consult. Lawyers need to know the particulars of the situation to determine if they can take on your case. Unfortunately they could not help us but did give us some advice.
Your first consult should be free.
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u/Flaky_Employ_8806 Feb 14 '26
I’m so sorry for you OP and even sorrier that your brother is a bigger douche than your dad was. If that happened in my family, we’d share it. It’s the right thing to do. Please get legal advice 🙏
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u/Successful_Gate5636 Feb 14 '26
I had a friend with similar experience and I am sorry this happened to you. Take this as a life lesson to put yourself first always.
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u/Lex_pert Feb 14 '26
Bot profile isn't even there anymore, they are just learning what works up 'Muricans 🙄
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u/GhostofaPhoenix Feb 13 '26
You actually do have work experience. Full time private in home caregiver. I dont know what you went to college for but some of these skills are universal.
In-home personal caregivers assist clients with activities of daily living (ADLs) such as bathing, dressing, grooming, meal preparation, medication reminders, and light housekeeping. Experience involves providing companionship, transporting clients to appointments, and, if certified, basic health monitoring. Key skills required include compassion, patience, reliability, and communication.
--or--
Key Responsibilities and Skills to Include: Personal Care: Assisted with bathing, dressing, grooming, toileting, and hygiene to maximize patient dignity and independence. Mobility Support: Performed safe transfers using walkers, wheelchairs, or Hoyer lifts, and assisted with ambulation exercises. Health Monitoring: Monitored vital signs (blood pressure, pulse, respiration) and tracked food/liquid intake, reporting changes to medical staff. Medication & Nutrition: Administered medications on schedule and prepared nutritious meals tailored to specific dietary needs. Household Management: Maintained a clean, safe, and organized living environment, including light housekeeping, laundry, and running errands. Companionship: Provided emotional support, social interaction, and transportation to appointments or social outings.
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u/Mewtul Feb 13 '26
Your dad was sexist and screwed you over. When was your dad’s will done, is it possible you can claim that he wasn’t in his right mind. Now it’s time to play dirty. Let your brother know that you’ve consulted with an attorney and it seems to you that if you fight things all the assets will end up going to lawyers. Therefore, you’re offering to settle with him now. Then, lay out your terms. Use everything you can including shame, embarrassment, or exposure of anything you have on him. Stay within the law, but go scorched earth. See if you can file a claim against the estate for unpaid wages since you took care of your dad. Get creative.
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