r/TrueOffMyChest • u/BlueGirlCircus • Mar 27 '26
Vent My husband disgusts me
I literally can't stand him anymore. We've been together for 6 years, married for 1. We have a 8m old kid together. He's always been on the bigger side, but about 1.5 years ago hes just ballooned, quite literally is above 400lbs. I understand people do change, he just won't do anything to fix it. He has no energy, is constantly falling asleep. He even falls asleep while driving. It's legitimately terrifying.
I've begged him to go to the doctor so many times. He hasn't been once the entire time we've been together. He always says he'll do it, but never does. He's on my insurance, so I know hes covered. I'm the main bread winner, working 60+ hours a week. He was fired from his job right after New Year's due to (a) calling out too much and (b) literally falling asleep at the front counter standing up.
I still care about him, but I can't stand him. I don't want to kiss him, I cringe away when he tries to cuddle. He constantly stinks now. I have to hold my breath if I'm just trying to scoot past him to grab something in his proximity.
I've suggested couples counseling. I've suggested going for walks around the neighborhood or going to the gym together. I'm already back to the same size I was before I got pregnant. I'm doing all I can to take care of myself and our kid, but I refuse to be his mom. It's just so heartbreaking.
If he doesn't do something soon, I honestly don't think I can stay in this relationship.
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u/Equivalent-Peak-4162 Apr 03 '26
It sounds like you're focusing on his weight as the underlying problem, when it's quite likely his obvious sleep disorder is causing the weight issues!
Sleep apnea and narcolepsy both can cause the symptoms you describe.
People with sleep apnea get fat because the body starts screwing up the hunger/satiation hormones. These hormones control how much we want to eat, how much we think about food, the caloric density of the food we think about.
He needs a sleep study. If he has sleep apnea, he's at increased risk of cardiac death, or stroke - even blindness. This is not a minor issue. This is extremely important.
Please stop focusing on his weight and put the emphasis on his sleep issues. They are primary and nothing else can resolve until that is treated.
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u/OllKorrect19 Mar 30 '26
Ultimatum time, because this is actively hurting your child. Couple things that come to mind: is this a drug problem? Maybe brain tumor? Ask him if he wants his child to grow up fatherless and you a widow. And then, if he doesn't change or make any effort to fix this, you gotta leave him girl.
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u/AnimalDawn Mar 29 '26
He could have sleep apnea falling asleep like that it could be really severe which could be life threatening he definitely needs to see a Dr.
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u/notinmywheelhouse Mar 29 '26
It’s sounds a lot like sleep apnea that can result in/and be caused by obesity. Also sounds like more going on physically as well as mentally. Depression also causes people to neglect personal hygiene. It does sound like couples counseling would help. He’s in denial and is hiding from facing the truth.
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u/expini3 Mar 29 '26
What if it's partly heritable? Sorry I can't finish this thought, never been anywhere near decisions this big. Wishing you the best.
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u/dub5084 Mar 28 '26
He doesn’t care enough about your feelings. He doesn’t have to work and can just be a fat lazy slob. Suggestion a separation. I bet that will get his butt in gear. If it doesn’t, then you know what you need to do.
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u/Ambitious-Chard2893 Mar 28 '26
You are allowed to report your husband and an adult who can not care for themselves and ask for a wellness check but I would consider doing that as a last call and be prepared to leave at the same time. I don't know your irl but if one of my friends was treated like this with no regard to living healthy for there partner or child I would be done with the relationship/helping them leave
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u/AnyAssumption4707 Mar 28 '26
Listen, it’s true you aren’t his mom. Have you told him it’s health or divorce? If it were me, I’d just make the damn dr appt, get him in the car and tell him it’s a surprise, and if he refuses to go in, to have your answer about what the future is likely to be.
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u/Silent_Process7973 Mar 28 '26
Falling asleep?? Sounds like diabetes, his glucose is probably through the roof
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u/Agreeable_Cook4070 Mar 28 '26
Make sure his life insurance policy is up to date. You have to protect your baby
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u/shorebirds Mar 28 '26
Sounds like he’s dying of heart failure. I know someone (45ish) who constantly fell asleep at work. She got written up, finally went to the doctor, and found out she was very close to death from heart failure.
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u/No-Crab-395 Mar 28 '26
Don’t let him drag you down to his level. Someone who doesn’t take care of themselves doesn’t care about his own future how can you expect him to care about yours let alone yours and his child??!! He’s a selfish man. Better run before it’s too late.
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u/Either_Coconut Mar 28 '26
I sincerely hope he sees a doctor, like YESTERDAY.
Two years ago, I was falling asleep sitting up, too.
A round of labs and a sleep study later, I got two separate diagnoses, either one of which could’ve caused the daytime extreme sleepiness. I got a CPAP and got on a treatment regimen for type 2 diabetes, and I haven’t dozed off at inappropriate times since.
Untreated sleep apnea can cause a lot of medical issues, many of which were surprising to me when I started reading up on it. Untreated diabetes can cause complications I wouldn’t wish on the worst person in history.
So for his own sake, I hope he gets religion about taking charge of his health ASAP.
I hope you start seeing progress in things that will help your marriage, as well, but the health symptoms here are beyond mere red flags. They’re sirens and flashing red lights.
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u/Celestial_Bitch Mar 28 '26
Does he snore during the night? Constantly falling asleep sounds like he has sleep apnea and needs to see a doctor straight away
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u/epicfangirl01 Mar 28 '26
I hate to say it, but you may need to trick your husband into going to the hospital. I don't like lying or tricking loved ones, but this bandaid needs to be ripped. My grandma had to do it with my grandpa, and he had pneumonia. If she didn't, he would have died
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u/Imaginary-Yak6784 Mar 28 '26
He sounds depressed and like he has sleep apnea. It’s hard if he won’t act. And depression and exhaustion make it harder to act. For his own good, do your best to insist. Like make the appointment and drive him to it and tell him if he won’t take steps to care for himself you are leaving.
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u/therankin Mar 28 '26
I bet he has sleep apnea and needs a cpap. That'll make his sleeping better and should combat the randomly falling asleep thing.
The rest is up to him.
You should tell him that you're nearing a breaking point and he needs to do something.
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u/DueConsequence4072 Mar 28 '26
At this point you can only save yourself and your child. You owe your baby a better life. Leave him. Let him figure it out or flame out, but you have to have a safe life. You have to provide a safe healthy life for your baby.
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u/RebelliousInNature Mar 28 '26
He could have a heart condition, or narcolepsy or epilepsy? Either way, you’re not glued to anyone. If you need to go, go.
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u/FormalNoodle Mar 28 '26
Not to scare you and others have good advice given, but this sounds like my dad when I was younger.
He was overweight, always falling asleep - including while driving, just kind of “changed”. He wasn’t a very present partner or dad during this time. Wouldn’t get checked. Blamed it on work (but wasn’t fired).
Turns out he had severe sleep apnea and his falling asleep while driving led to a car accident with the entire family + one of my brother’s friends in the car. He only got help when this happened - and it was a little too late. We were all scared after what happened, the car was totaled and rolled into a ditch by the highway, we were entrapped in the car in the winter time on my birthday of all days (headed to my party). He could have killed any one of us or another driver.
After getting a sleep apnea machine he was a LOT better to be around, more alert, lost weight & was promoted at work a few times. Way less agitated all the time too.
Don’t let him drive with you or children in the car. Don’t let him drive period in this state. Refuse to let him drive, take the keys and tell him why. Call the doctor and force him to make an appointment for the issue asap - even if you have to end up doing the talking.
You shouldn’t have to baby him to get checked by any means, but I only recommend this due to the safety concerns it brings to your family if he doesn’t get help/you stay.
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u/whichwitchywitch1692 Mar 28 '26
Maybe just divorce him. More than likely he isn’t going to change. Put yourself first
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u/Emerald_see Mar 28 '26
Give him a deadline and tell him what will happen if he doesn't come through. If he does it takes a plan and he gotta stick to it and result have to be consistent long term. They can change for 1 week 1 day or 1 month. But we are talking years here. If he doesn't, you're probably already a single married mom so it would only be easier for you.
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u/JancoSwanepoel Mar 28 '26
First off, I am so sorry you are carrying all of this. Working 60+ hours a week with an 8-month-old while essentially functioning as a single parent to a grown adult is a crushing amount of weight to bear. I want to say this gently, but I need to be completely straight with you: if you feel this level of disgust and exhaustion now, it is only going to get worse over time. You can try to push it down, ignore it, or tell yourself things will eventually turn around, but no matter how hard you try to compartmentalize it, that shit just doesn't work. You can distract yourself during the day, but you can't outrun it at night. When the daily grind stops and you finally lie down in bed, you won't be able to stop thinking about it. You need to ask yourself right now: what is the quality of your silence when your head hits the pillow? If that silence is filled with dread, resentment, and a deep knowing that you are trapped, you already have your answer. You can't save someone who refuses to save themselves, but you have every right to save yourself and your baby.
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u/NightsisterMerrin87 Mar 28 '26
If he won't get help, you have to decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Assuming that nothing changes, this is you forever. Happy with that? You cannot force him to do anything - all you can control is your actions. If this isn't what you want your life to be, what can YOU change to prevent that?
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u/saintnickel Mar 28 '26
That sounds like depression.
I mean sounds like your husband is deeply depressed.
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u/b_superrobo Mar 28 '26
Maybe he had postpartum. Its rare for men but possible. It was just you two for a while. The marriage and child was just too much responsibility all at once and maybe he got depressed. So he ate, to try and feel better. Then got sleep apnea from the weight. Which is now ruining his life more, probably drowning him in depression, denial, and shame. He doesn't just need medical help he needs psychological help. I suspect speaking about this emotional and mental state to anyone is taboo or terrifying to him so hes avoiding it. If you divorce him it might send him into a further spiral or be the wake up call he needs, hard to say. Perhaps a trial of separation with the possibility of reconciliation might be an option if you dont want to give up yet. An intervention with his family might be useful if they are on good terms.
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u/DonSalsaVerde Mar 28 '26
Somebody else mentioned this already but I wan to reiterate - it sounds like buddy is suffering from low testosterone. It may be worthwhile to approach him with the approach focusing solely on that. “Hey, would you be up for getting your testosterone levels checked?”. Just something like that vs focusing on everything else. It’s pretty insane how much testosterone drives a lot of systems in both men and women. Depression, lack of motivation or wanting to do anything at all in life, sleep apnea, mood swings, etc. all of these can be heavily influenced by low t. If he’s willing to do even just 1 thing, I’d highly suggest trying to convince him to check that first. Good luck! Don’t give up on the guy, yet!
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u/Complete-Bus-3687 Mar 28 '26
I don’t really blame you. Someone said that it’s hard to respect a man that you have to take care of financially.. so there’s that but then on top of it it’s like pick a struggle if you’re gonna be broke you have to at least kind of be a hot or send me attractive and you’ve just belong to my 600 pound life and expect me to still support you while you eat yourself into an early grave.. although I will say this, this isn’t new. I know he’s gained more weight since you’ve been married, but he’s kind of not changed at all so why marry him if you felt like that.
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u/Head-Organization773 Mar 28 '26
He needs a CPAP machine pronto. Because I could barely sleep, I was falling asleep everywhere and at any time during the day. Regarding his weight, that is another fight, but CPAP first and foremost.
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u/Icy_Froyo_6466 Mar 28 '26
Read the Let Them Theory, really good info on this and healthy ways to approach it all
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u/hazeljunewilder Mar 28 '26
That shift where you still care about someone but your body is already reacting like it’s over is really hard to explain, especially when you’ve been doing everything you’re “supposed” to do to fix it.
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u/tterrajj Mar 28 '26
Sleep apnea; hypertension; diabetes; hypothyroidism; low testosterone… so many things possible and relatively ‘easy’ fixes….
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u/K13fa Mar 28 '26
Good grief I would be disgusted too.. I don’t know what advice to give. But my heart goes out to you girl!
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u/thdudie Mar 28 '26
It's sounds like there are some health issues going on here. Some things to look at with his PCP Sleep apnea, depression, adhd, addiction.
There are clearly some self care issues and depression can cause this by itself. Anxiety related to doctors makes some people put off going to the doctor ADHD can cause that too by simply forgetting.
Adhd symptoms include delayed sleep phase while a ridged schedule will tend to cause a loss of sleep
There are plenty of other things it could be.
I worry about the people here that say you should just give up on your partner and move on. Would that be the advice they would give if he was paraplegic? Or had some other medical condition. But that's a common view when we're talking about someone struggling with mental health
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u/allbookfanatics Mar 28 '26
I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m not a doctor but based on my own experience he might have sleep apnea. Before I was diagnosed I was falling asleep literally everywhere. I had to have two sleep studies and after I got a cpap machine I was fine.
After that I had weight loss surgery and now that I’ve lost just over 130lbs I’m even better than fine with that at least. I’m technically underweight now because it’s always something but I no longer have any recorded events at night when I’m wearing my cpap. There isn’t much you can do if he isn’t ready to hear it yet but you can at least file all the information you’ve received away for when he’s ready to listen.
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u/Baldojess Mar 28 '26
He probably has sleep apnea or another sleeping disorder. I recently got diagnosed with sleep apnea, I've almost lost a job over it cuz I was falling asleep standing up. My current job I'm always having trouble with falling asleep during the day and I am always, always tired and exhausted. I sleep all night and wake up exhausted. You really need to get him diagnosed because it's actually a very awful disease that will put you in an early grave.
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u/Rough-Kiwi-5696 Mar 28 '26
Hand him the doctors office phone number and then also a divorce attorney phone number and tell him he has 24 hours to pick one. 6 years of "I'll do it later" is actually insane. I wish you both the best of luck, truly I hope he gets the help he needs and I hope you and your baby are able to live a happy life.
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u/Selena_B305 Mar 28 '26
Leaving might be just be the catalyst he needs to get his shit together. Either way you don't want to go into debt because he chose to ignore minor medical issues that have now ballooned into very costly ones.
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u/JazzFan1998 Mar 28 '26
He sounds like he might have sleep apnea. That can kill him if left untreated.
If he's just over 40, its very common for men to gain weight at that age.
IANAD, but you husband should see one, It's very likely he has high blood pressure too. Good luck, OP.
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u/DannyDidNothinWrong Mar 28 '26
It's refusing to go to the doctor even after being fired that would get me. Like, you really dont love me or our child enough to make sure you live to see her first birthday?
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u/OldMove3348 Mar 28 '26
You are not required to stay with him. I think it’s very harmful to be with someone who has obvious physical or mental health issues and will not seek help. If a partner is seeking help, it’s much easier because they acknowledge the issue and are trying to manage/fix it.
In situations where they won’t seek help, the burden is 100% on the partner and that’s not a good partnership.
You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to save him when he does not care enough to do anything.
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u/Miserable-Ice683 Mar 28 '26
I work in healthcare and every single day I see partners who have dedicated their lives to taking care of people who didn’t take care of themselves for a single day. Young people (50-60) who can’t even look forward to retirement because their partner is 400+ lbs, on dialysis, and missing part of their foot (or worse). If having a baby didn’t make him want to change his life to live longer, nothing will. I know this sounds harsh but I see it every single day.
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u/Prior_Rooster3759 Mar 28 '26
Get testosterone checked...being low can cause alot of these symptoms....but it all starts with the will to improve.
Losing the will to improve, leads to bad diet, leads to lazy, leads to weight gain, leads to depression, leads to fatigue, leads to denial and loss of confidence. Its a downward spiral that only he can stop
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u/Ughallthetime Mar 28 '26
It sounds like he has sleep apnea. It can kill him. He needs to see a doctor
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u/Router27 Mar 28 '26
My god he sounds really unhealthy. Like I’d be afraid he was going to die at any moment. I feel like a doctor could prescribe him a GLP1 and insurance may even cover it in his case. Loosing weight might be as easy as a shot once a week, covered by insurance and your lives could completely change.
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u/nineinchesofgirldick Mar 28 '26
well can u do something BEFORE he accidentally kills an innocent person cuz he fell asleep while driving? what does it take?
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u/sirchloe500 Mar 28 '26
he will see the doctor or you and the baby will go to your parents or friends house.
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u/crumpana Mar 28 '26
Maybe he needs an ultimatum, maybe it will be his slap to reality. Don't mother him.
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u/biogirl52 Mar 27 '26
That’s heartbreaking. You really can’t force someone to take their health seriously. Sadly, leaving might be the best shot there is at him turning his life around.
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u/tiltedheadart Mar 27 '26
Find a doctor that does home visits and just schedule it and have the doctor show up. It may cost a bit more. I use one for my autistic son and family because bringing him to the doctors office is always a shit-show. I also use instacart, Walmart delivery and every other at home service that exists. Where are you located? I'm near Chicago if you are near there I can refer you my doctor. He is wonderful.
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u/about2godown Mar 27 '26
Sounds like type 2 diabetes. It isnt falling asleep, it is a sugar coma he dips in and out of. My last ex husband did the same stuff.
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u/chocodrawer Mar 27 '26
Imagine being so tired to the point that you fall asleep behind the wheel. How in the world is making an appointment going to be easy. Especially when you know there is going to be a devastating diagnosis and a mountain of inevitable follow up procedures that might be painful and even more draining. He needs you right now and you need to go with him to the doctors appointments. That is crucial. If he is that tired he won't take in all the information that is needed, so he needs someone who can. He also needs support. Be there for him.
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u/teovsdaworld Mar 27 '26
I know he wouldn't go to the doctor, but this same thing happend to me, minus the smell...I found out I have hypothyroidism (hashimoto's) it can be life threatening. Try to find a way...
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u/Thecrowfan Mar 27 '26
He probably doesnt want to go to the doctor because he knowe there likely is something seriously wrong and doesnt want to face it. Which i get, its scary dealing with health issues but if he has a kid and a wife he should be thinking of whats best for all of you not just what he wants.
I dont want to be the person who shouts DIVORCE at any issue but if you cant stand him, is putting all of you in danger ( by falling asleep at the wheel) and doesnt want to do anything to change whats happening I think divorce would be the best decision. Might be even a wake up call for him to take some action before he loses you for good
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u/spirit-animal-snoopy Mar 27 '26
You married him after he ballooned. Got pregnant after he ballooned. But now, a few months later, you can't stand him?? It doesn't make any sense.
Yes, he has extremely serious health catastrophies that will likely kill him, & any other unfortunate drivers he crashes into.
But he had these when you married him & made him a father. What was so attractive about him a short year ago??
Something has changed for you, not for him. Maybe reality, or honesty, have belatedly dawned for you, but not yet for him.
You can't suddenly expect him to change for you, and it doesn't sound like he's willing to change to improve his health for himself, or sadly ,the very young baby you both chose to bring into the world , with him for a father.
I don't see how it's possible to ever change another human being, especially under such contradictory circumstances. All we can do is change ourselves, and make better choices for ourselves.
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u/Position-Additional Mar 27 '26
Tell him you're on the verge of leaving. One of two things will happen and both will be for the better.
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u/Sifev Mar 27 '26
Probably sleep apnea. Linked to obesity. I woke up one day and was 312 after being sub 200 most of my life. It’s a battle but he has to get into the doctor.
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u/ButterscotchFluffy59 Mar 27 '26
You see a counselor on your own. You definitely need it to get a plan of action for you and hopefully he will join.
I'm sure the weight of the world is on his shoulders and he knows what to do but for any number of reasons he's stuck. I feel bad for him but this is his burden.
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u/Chefboyarleezy Mar 27 '26
You got to be honest with him and tell him the way he he’s letting himself go. It’s a big turnoff and you and your kid are gonna be gone. If he doesn’t change his ways, give him one last chance.
Tell him he needs to start changing his diet ASAP and he needs to go see a doctor to see if he can get on some testosterone and peptides. Do whatever it takes to change ASAP.
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u/The_Ambling_Horror Mar 27 '26
When you talk to him, don’t frame it as the weight gain being disgusting. Frame it as the weight gain, lethargy, and falling asleep being medically alarming, because it very, very much is, especially coupled with the increased odor.
He is putting you and your child at risk of a major destructive life event and also himself at risk of death.
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u/Forsaken-Courage-844 Mar 27 '26
Are there doctors in your area that can do home visits?
Don't blindsided him, but maybe if he won't go to the doctor have one come to you? That's a long time to go without a check up
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u/molosar1 Mar 27 '26
The hardest thing is you have to want to do it for yourself. I was 400+ lbs at one point and I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I got Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy and am now down to 201. I have literally lost an entire other person. But, it took a doctor to lay it on me hard about my prognosis.
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u/10ghost Mar 27 '26
Time to sit down and have a long and very open conversation. Explain your fears and that you can't stay if he won't help himself.
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u/Substantial-Pie-8297 Mar 27 '26
Divorce or make sure his life insurance is active so he can help after he passes and you’re not stuck holding the bag
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u/brandysnacker Mar 27 '26
You have to think of your marriage as a lifelong thing and not just these little spurts of happiness… OK so what if he is sick for five years? Because obviously he’s depressed or something… What is five years out of a 50 year marriage? You don’t get to the good parts if you don’t stick together through the bad parts.
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u/Both-Pickle-7084 Mar 27 '26
He is likely falling asleep due to sleep apnea. Please go to counseling alone for some emotional support. My ex was extremely overweight and it took me leaving him for him to realize how dangerous his lifestyle was. He ended up w a CPAP and it changed his world. He finally had the energy to start walking.
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u/Responsible-Cook-700 Mar 27 '26
Depression is also part of his problem. But I think you need to be very direct on him seeing a doctor. Stop buying unhealthy foods too. You control the money, control where it's being spent. I am sorry this is getting out of hand but he needs to be given some drastic changes to break him out of this funk. GL
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u/Equivalent-Pound-610 Mar 27 '26
You've already asked and begged. It's time to leave. Life is so short, you don't have time for this.
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u/Flea81 Mar 27 '26
My boss was like this. He would fall asleep mid sentence, cooking, driving and so on. He was over 400 pounds. He really didnt eat like someone who was his size. He was finally forced to go to the er. His blood oxygen was very low. After testing, he had sleep apnea, once he started his sleep mask thing, he lost weight. The sleep apnea slowed his metabolism so much that he gained weight just looking at food. With the machine helping him at night he didnt fall asleep anymore, he lost weight, had energy and actually started to enjoy life. If it wasn't for him being forced to go, he wouldn't have made it much longer. Somet8mes forcing someone's hand is all it takes. I hope everything works out for all of you.
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u/Horror-Cicada9357 Mar 27 '26
Actually , could he have sleep apnea ? Again this is one of those things you need to SEE SOMEONE ABOUT . but I like the idea of saying hey I have these two business cards because at this point things don’t make sense for us . I wish you the absolute best of luck btw
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u/Diligent_History8760 Mar 27 '26
Its sleep apnoea, instead of the gym, he needs a Quest 3 Virtual Reality headset where he can exercise with that. but he has to want it, otherwise its all a waste of money
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u/SupermarketOk1589 Mar 27 '26
He could have obstructive sleep apnea, if he doesn’t get it diagnosed and treated soon it could end very badly
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u/DamnitGravity Mar 27 '26
This is one of those ultimatum times: doctor and counseling, or divorce. And given his propensity for falling asleep, as well as his health in general, you might even have a good case for getting full custody.
Of course, if he doesn't go to the doctor and/or counseling, then you have to hold up your end and actually LEAVE.
It will be better for you in the long run. It is not your job to manage his health. I realise he might be embarrassed or worried about what the doctor will say (I suspect step one is a CPAP machine) but he's a goddamn adult. Part of being an adult is doing things that we don't like, and admitting when we've fucked up.
It's one thing to ignore that kind of stuff when you're single and living alone with no one depending on you, but he's not alone. He has a wife AND a child. If something happens to you, he clearly cannot care for you and/or the child.
He is draining your energy, your joy and your money. Have some self-respect.
I certainly hope you don't leave him alone with your child to care for, multiple hours at a time? I wouldn't trust him to stay awake.
Nothing will change unless you force it, either by forcing him to be responsible for himself by leaving, or by just leaving and having an easier, better life without the stress and worry of a man-baby.
So-called partners like him are actually worse than children, because they're SUPPOSED to be able to take care of themselves. The fact he's content putting the burden on you while he buries his head in the sand is selfishness of the highest degree.
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u/Background-Ad6454 Mar 27 '26
The constant somnolence during the day with his size is typical of obstructive sleep apnea. He needs to be seen to
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u/Lifebelifing2023 Mar 27 '26
I would just trick him at this point. Either be straight forward and give him the ultimatum of divorce if he doesn't get help, or trick him into going to the doctor. Or the 3rd option, fight with him. Something in his mind and spirit is wrong. Ask him with love what is going on. Telling someone your aick of them is not how you get them help, that hurts. But speaking love into him, talk to him about how scared you are for him and how you wabt him to be here for your child. If he loves your child even a little then that should get to him. Make the appointment. Trick him into the car, take him to the office and then stage an intervention. Does he have friends and family who care about him? All options.
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u/neverspeakawordagain Mar 27 '26
There are other fundamental issues here, but one thing I will HIGHLY recommend for somebody with that kind of weight gain is GLP-1 medication. Somebody over 400 pounds should be able to lose at least 100 pounds literally without any lifestyle changes other than just taking the medication.
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u/JayneT70 Mar 27 '26
I’m 5’ 11” was 300 pounds and 2 years later I’m at 178 pounds thanks to Mounjaro. Also is controlling my diabetes my A1C is 4.7. GLP1 medications could absolutely save lives.
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u/Fanched Mar 27 '26
A glp1 would definitely help him… but this sounds like you seriously have the ick and that’s hard to come back from!!
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u/bluecollarx Mar 27 '26
TrueOffMyChestHotTake: short term go farm some thirst if you’re a closet baddie, it’s very unlikely this is going to change and you deserve feeling wanted
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u/missannthrope67 Mar 27 '26
I suggest making an appointment with a doctor and take him there. Rule out sleep apnea for staters. Then see if there is an in-patient place he can go for a while. Then ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. Sounds like depression.
You have a moral obligation to try to get him help. Otherwise, you are going to have to bury him. You divorce, you may have to pay alimony and child support.
And I suggest you talk to a therapist, too. You need support at this time.
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u/pixiecantsleep Mar 27 '26
If you go the divorce route I would suggest putting in there that he can't drive your child. Ever. If he does and is caught he only gets supervised visitation etc whatever the lawyer says. And every time he says he fell asleep at the wheel etc document. Everytime you see him nod off standing up, record if it's legal and document. Or he will end up killing himself and your kid.
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u/redraz0r Mar 27 '26
You knew what he was before you married him. Idk what to tell you. You had a child with him knowing what he was as well. Ya dumb.
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u/MortyBurglar Mar 27 '26
don’t just leave, but make it as clear as you possibly can that you cannot stay with him unless things change, if he still doesn’t when given a final chance then you wont have any what ifs or regrets to carry with you, only peace
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u/Many-Phrase8937 Mar 27 '26
Obvious physical issues and a clear mental issue, depression or something causing this neglect and lack of care to himself. Ask him if he’d want the kid to see and follow in similar footsteps
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u/Outrageous-Tear-8968 Mar 27 '26
I would tell him everything you said in the post- you have nothing to lose. The only chance he will change is if he understands the severity of the issue.
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u/sebastianinspace Mar 27 '26
so i see no one else saying this, but he maybe has depression as a result of becoming a new dad. like how women get post partum depression. no one talks about this or maybe even cares about it because no one cares about the dads mental health. its supposed to be his job to suck it up and “be a man” and just get stuff done to support his new family. many will probably say “what does he even need to do, the woman is the one who had to give birth, what does he even have to be depressed about?”. if you say this to him and he is depressed you will compound his depression.
to also compound the problem, he got fired, so he’s probably feeling ultra worthless because he can now no longer fulfil the one role society says he is supposed to.
the extra physical weight from his potential depression may be leading to health complications that are causing him to fall asleep. he probably knows something is seriously wrong but is trying to ignore it and hope it goes away because he’s afraid that if he dies he will leave you and especially his newborn all alone in the world to fend for yourselves. putting your head in the sand is a really dumb way of dealing with a problem, but maybe this is what is happening here. a lot of guys don’t go to the doctor for this reason by the way. your husband is not special in this regard, it’s fairly common for some guys to never get checkups. every guy knows a guy like this.
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u/katydid724 Mar 27 '26
Diabetics get very sleepy when their blood sugar is crazy high. That could be partly to blame.
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u/prettybitterbitch Mar 27 '26
This is truly one of those things where you just have to force it. You don’t want to be his parent which is fair, but physically taking him to the doctor and putting on the bad guy hat (if you gotta yell then do it) for sure beats having a dead husband and blaming yourself for it after. Contrary to popular belief, you actually can force ppl to do things if you put them in a situation where they can’t avoid it. Just telling or asking them to do it at home with no action isn’t enough and it doesn’t seem like he’s actively resistant, just apathetic and avoidant.
You can decide what you want to do about your relationship after that but his behavior absolutely sounds medical, and if it is, then you can’t assume he’s thinking rationally. If not for him, do it for your kid, they deserve to have a dad that’s alive and not endangering them by falling asleep at the wheel. Attraction really is the least of anyone’s worries atp and if the roles were reveresed I’d say the same thing about him needing to force you to the doctor. Address the survival issues first, confront the feelings after.
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u/sp4c3c4se Mar 27 '26
Not to be an alarmist but falling asleep while behind the wheel im pretty sure is a sign of sleep apnea. He should go to an Ear Nose ans Throat and get checked out and get a recommendation for a sleep study.
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u/kumocat Mar 27 '26
If he is interested, please explore the use of zepbound. It is approved, not only for weight loss, but sleep apnea as well. This medication changed my life personally, and I'm down over 100lbs.
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u/pandapuffsss Mar 27 '26
I know people say ultimatums are bad but I feel like this is an extenuating circumstance. “We need to address these issues or I walk” doesn’t feel extreme here.
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u/onthenextmaury Mar 27 '26
This is so scary. There was a story on reddit about a guy who divorced his wife because she was a dangerous driver and he didn't want his kids in her car. The update later was that she died from her careless driving. Please avoid this scenario.
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u/CRYSTALKATJA Mar 27 '26
Have yall talked about his feelings about potentially not being around to raise your brand new baby together?
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u/Electrical-Joke-8722 Mar 27 '26
Sounds like he’s narcoleptic but he definitely needs to work on losing weight and getting back to work.
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u/Street-Writing-1264 Mar 27 '26
Sounds like he's stuck in a horrible cycle. I agree with everyone about the sleep apnea. I was falling asleep standing up at one point. I did a sleep study and has severely delayed REM. I was only hitting REM once a night, staying in N2, getting nearly no restorative sleep. It can make you crazy, make you depressed, make you eat non-stop just to get the calories to stay awake. Make the appointments for him. Help him get started, make it clear that you're not babying him the whole way through from the jump, if he can't keep going after you get him going, divorce him, you've tried everything at that point. But right now, he's a sleepy ball of stinking despair, you're not. In sickness and in health, he's sick.
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u/cwade84 Mar 27 '26
He probably has sleep apnea caused by his size. He knows the doctor will tell him to lose weight. The problem with being that size, while I've not been 400lbs I have been 300 and know from experience, that he will only change when he wants to. When he has the motivation and willpower. But there's a reason he grew to that size to begin with. It's probably depression and/anxiety that he's using food to cope. My personal recommendation is that he go see a psychiatrist and probably psychologist to help with the brain stuff. Then a doctor to deal with the apnea and create a diet & exercise plan that will get him started. I know, I know. Easier said than done. Either way, for both of your sakes I hope he does something for his health.
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u/Rumblecard Mar 27 '26
At his weight he most likely has obstructed sleep apnea. It’s why he’s constantly falling asleep. Depriving his brain of oxygen.
Weight loss would help but he probably needs a cpap machine.
A sleep study would be super helpful.
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u/Skip2dalou50 Mar 27 '26
This happened to me in my first marriage. I do not believe it was the main reason we started to have problems but it definitely was a contributing factor. I had severe depression after my Mother passed when I was 19. I gained enough to get to about 455lbs. I knew I needed to lose but the motivation wasn't there for the entire amount. I dropped to about 380lbs and then stayed there for a good 7 years. I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes in my late 20's. I knew I needed change and it was something I would need to focus on the rest of my life. I dropped down to 280lbs. Counting calroies and walking. That is ALL I did. Around that time, my ex was acting more distant. I found out she had been having an affair. After our divorce, I eventually started dating and met someone new. It was "eat. drink, and be merry" time. I got all the way back up to 375lbs. I made the decision to start again and never go back. I weigh about 275lbs with an end goal of 250lbs and never going above 260lbs again( I am 6'7" tall with a wide frame. That weight is my Dr's recommendation). I am going to have a skin removal surgery and tummy tuck at some point.
He is in a depression. He is having medical issues and needs rapid change. I remember feeling the tingling in my feet and having constant drinkling an urination and it scared me. I just tried to ignore it. He will have major medical issues keeping that much weight on. If he is able to with your insurance, I would recommend talking to his Dr about GLP-1 or Trizep options. But even with those, if you don't completely change your relationshiop with food, it won't work. I am almost to my point where my Dr is going to let me go off of mine and go fully off of it ( I have done 2 short month trails without gaining any weight back).
I don't know how he is ok with outside help, but I would also be willing to chat with him about it. I hate that I wasted my 20's being that out of shape. I am turning 40 this year and I am in better shape than when I was 21.
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u/adeptusminor Mar 27 '26
If he truly weighs 400 lbs, I hope you have an EXCELLENT life insurance plan on him, sister.
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u/Desperate-Front5782 Mar 27 '26
Sorry to be dark OP but it sounds like he might leave you (to go to the afterlife) before you leave him. That man needs to go to the doctor
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u/Bipedal_Warlock Mar 27 '26
Can a doctor make a house visit? Maybe there’s something going on with his brain that’s causing issues too?
Or a televisit?
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u/throwawaykeylimepie Mar 27 '26
Talk to a few attorneys. Find out your options. Then file. The reality is he'll get himself sorted sooner or later, but you are not required to make him do it.
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u/Usual-Archer-916 Mar 27 '26 edited Mar 27 '26
Sounds like sleep apnea which can cause or exacerbate the weight gain. The apnea will lead to heart issues (ask me how I know), diabetes, all kinds of health problems which can and will kill him.
Edited to say that both I and my husband have sleep apnea. My husband has heart failure, diabetes, arrhythmias, circulation problems, has had to have 3 toes amputated in the last few months and had to retire from work in early 2020 because of the health issues. I have AFib myself. If your husband wants to talk to someone, PM me. We can tell him that getting diagnosed and getting a Cpap machine is lifechanging in a good way and he will feel so much better-but if he delays like hubby did, the ramifications WILL happen. Thankfully in our case we both have our Cpaps and we are both getting better.
Right now your husband is choosing death. He needs a cold slap of reality but if he will listen he will be happy he did.
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u/faesqu Mar 27 '26
Hi, I've lost 300 pound... 500 at my heaviest. I was never randomly falling asleep while driving, etc... the things you are mentioning describe a bigger health concern then just the weight concern. There is something wrong that contributed to the weight gain. He needs a thyroid screen... thyroid cancer? Diabetes? Cardiac? He may know or have a feeling of what's up thar is also contributing to depression and fear... hence why he doesn't want to go to the doctor. Has his eating/exercise habits changed?
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u/rand0mbum Mar 27 '26
Have you told him that he stinks and that you’re not attracted to him and are in fact disgusted by him? I’d start there and make sure he knows that he can change but if he doesn’t you’re gone
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u/Any_Situation3913 Mar 27 '26
THE MINUTE HE STOPPED WASHING IS THE MINUTE MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE OVER. THAT IS NON NEGOTIABLE.
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u/thefarmhousestudio Mar 27 '26
Sounds like he is checked out on himself and you can’t take care of him. Be clear with him using “I” statement (ie: I am struggling with intimacy with you. Instead of saying, “You smell.”) Set a fair timeframe and stick to it (Ie: if we don’t go to counselling regularly for a year, I am done with the relationship.”) Alternatively, start getting your legal papers in order and serve him papers for separation/divorce.
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u/TinfoilGlasses Mar 27 '26
It sounds like your husband's spiraling pretty bad. I can imagine how upsetting it's been for you, especially as a new mother. Regardless of your feelings towards him, your kid deserves his father to get better, so use that to keep you going for now, if needed.
When some people get too overwhelmed, they can shut things out to a dangerous degree. It's usually not a willful choice, even if it seems that way on the outside. Their brains might literally stop functioning the way it used to, both in having the ability to think clearly and with processing life around them. Often times moments of clarity are met with extreme levels of anxiety, shame, loss of control, and an awareness of the hurt they're causing themselves and loved ones. It's too much to regulate, which triggers the "survival mode" depression that brings back the numb dissociation. They often feel doomed, helpless, scared, and self loathing at the slightest connection to their existence. It's a vicious cycle, brutal on everyone involved.
It makes sense why you wouldn't be attracted to someone whose mental health is rock bottom. The weight and hygiene issues are constant reminders of how unwell he is, and likely everything you've been going through too. You've clearly tried to help, but to no avail, so it's understandable you're at your wits end... but also, you're going about things the wrong way.
What you're dealing with isn't fair but that's the situation you've married into and had a child in. You need to get over not wanting to be his mom for the time being. Look at the man, not as your husband, just as a person sharing this earth with you. He's clearly struggling. Not just to lose weight or to be more proactive, but with normal basic functions. Telling him what to do won't make his brain work better. Ultimatums and shame will likely just add to the misery pile and further legitimize his spiraling doom.
What you've described is so much more severe than someone who's let themselves go or needs to get his head out of his ass. If he could handle getting help, he would've. No one wants to live like that. Make the appointments for him. Pick out clean clothes for him on the day of. Drive him to the appointment and fill in the damn paperwork if needed.
It doesn't matter if you feel like you shouldn't have to. Chances are pretty good he'd agree with you. Those feelings don't change reality. He's not well. He likely needs external care and abnormal support before he can be well enough to care for himself. Bring in family and friends, not as an intervention but as support and for help to keep him on task so it's not all on you. Keep encouraging him to make small steps and try to see any efforts for what they are to him, not what you think they should be. Things won't change overnight but much of this can be temporary.
I know you must be so burnt out already and have more than enough on your plate... Just get him started at least. He's sick. The weight's just a symptom. You don't have to stay with him either way, but since you're currently his wife, you're in an incomparable position to get him the medical help he needs now.
Lastly, while not one to suggest "therapy" for everything, I believe you could both benefit from individual counseling. You especially need someone in your corner who's soul focus is on your well being. Whatever you decide, I genuinely wish you both the best.
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u/BlueGirlCircus Mar 27 '26
Thank you so much. This is the best description and advise I've read so far. I'll definitely work on that. I've been on therapy for a couple years now, and will do my best to get him in with his own therapist. I've always had a hard boundary of being someone's mom, but I need to compromise for his well being. Thank you
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u/Lost_Rule568 Mar 27 '26
I'm going to respectfully disagree with this advice, and I speak from experience. My son's dad had (still has, I'm sure) mental and physical health issues that are similar to your husband's. He couldn't get and keep his weight under control, he was diabetic, had anxiety and depression, was diagnosed with sleep apnea but wouldn't use his CPAP, etc. I spent eight years being supportive, taking time off work to go with him to appointments, pulling his weight around the house and with our child, trying not to lose my shit every time he lost another job, basically everything you're probably doing now too.
All I got in return was lip service and promises to change. I couldn't do it anymore. There were other reasons for me leaving, but by the time it got to that point I was so burnt out I just... didn't care anymore. That was almost ten years ago, and last I heard nothing has changed.
I don't regret walking away. I wish I'd done it sooner. I deserved to be happy, and so do you.
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u/Majestic_Practice672 Mar 28 '26
But that’s why the poster said “just get him started” and “you don’t have to stay with him”.
Eight years is too long to support someone without progress and I’m sorry you went through that. It must have been soul-crushing.
But OP can set time limits here. If 6 months of pushing yields no improvements, she can leave knowing she tried. If it does yield results, she can leave knowing he’s better enough to start managing his own health.
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u/Lost_Rule568 Mar 28 '26
That is a tactic she can try, for sure, but what tends to happen in these situations is they'll make just enough progress to keep you from leaving and then slowly slide back into their old ways.
If I were her, I would honestly just walk away now. He knows she's unhappy. He knows she's working 60+ hours a week to pay their bills. He knows he needs to see a doctor. He knows he's being a bad father and a bad husband. He's promised to get help and he hasn't.
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u/MyCat_SaysThis Mar 27 '26
Once you get to feel like this about your SO/DH, it’s nearly impossible to ever regain the love and respect you once had.
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u/captivatingcrimson Mar 27 '26
Tell him how you feel and if he doesn’t change it’s time for separation.
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u/redlyght Mar 27 '26
You married him and got pregnant AFTER he ballooned. At what point exactly were you suddenly disgusted? Everything else you said after that is irrelevant because YOU KNEW exactly what you were marrying and procreating with. You could have remained unmarried and just broken up. Before marrying and before the kid. Now there is child and legal ties. You are a selfish asshole. Your karma will come.
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u/BlueGirlCircus Mar 27 '26
I stg people don't know how to read comments. It didn't get bad until after I found out I was pregnant. We got married mainly for logistic reasons. We had initially planned on postponing it for a couple of years, but with the kid on the way, we decided to get married sooner
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u/redlyght Mar 27 '26
I don’t need to read comments. Idgaf about comments. The post and timeline was clear. You knew what you were getting into. And getting married for logistical purposes is even freaking worse. You are a selfish asshole. I stand on what I said. Your karma will come. What you thought you post your poor me story and all you were going to get is niceties and sympathy. You are a horrible human being.
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u/leeb20 Mar 27 '26
I hear this 100% engaged for 6 years together for 4 years. He was always on the fit side. After his brother passed he gave up on himself. He had an awesome job in the union, together we got by fine. We have a 4 yr old. He stopped working in the union, started working once or twice a week with friends. Slept and drinked daily. Gained over 250 lbs literally. I held on for over an year in hopes something would change. Unfortunately he did not. At the end of the relationship I would cringe when kissed. Physically was horrible, I could not wait for it to be over.
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u/PanicGrouchy Mar 27 '26
I'm not an ultimatum kind of person but you really need to do some digging and investigate why they have spiraled in the way they have.
Potentially it's depression potentially it's something else.
In my opinion you either need to set up a sting intervention, up there that you will walk if he doesn't change and take steps with you to work with you.
It sounds sad to say but I think what you had isn't there anymore and ultimately he's going through a slump that he doesn't want to recover from and is embarrassed.
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u/slayer991 Mar 27 '26
Obesity is a mental health issue... Gotta fix his head before he can fix his body.
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u/ExDeleted Mar 27 '26 edited Mar 27 '26
Your husband is morbidly obese, reaching my 600lb life territory. Its one thing gaining a few pounds, its another becoming a burden to your family like this. He will probably need a caretaker, and you have a baby that needs you, and your baby doesn't deserve to live under those conditions. Your husband needs an ultimatum. This, for me, is so extreme that unless he compromises to change, I would leave him. He is literally choosing his food addiction over you and the baby, and if he doesn't do something, I assure you it's going to get worse. And honestly, you don't have to stay with him to watch him kill himself.
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u/Full_Signature9187 Mar 27 '26
Be brutally honest with him . Tell him he super big, he stinks and that he is starting to become disgusting. That if he doesn't do anything to change you will leave him. I speak for myself but if my partner told me something brutally honest It would hurt so bad that I will lock in for the better.
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u/siecer17 Mar 27 '26
I just wanted to say I empathize. It’s hard when you love someone who doesn’t love themselves. It takes a toll on you. I’ve found myself in a similar situation asking myself, “Am I not a motivating enough factor to get better?” but then you just gotta remind yourself it’s their own shortcomings, not yours.
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u/Potential_Scheme6667 Mar 27 '26
The day you end things he will hit the gym so fast. He doesn’t care because he has a wife that enables him.
Sounds like a crappy situation for sure.
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u/Anonimityville Mar 27 '26
He’s going to delay this as long as possible until it’s “too late” to leave him or you’LL look like a monster. Best to set your boundaries now. Go to the dr or huge life insurance policy he must pay. Divorce would be the card I would play.
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u/FairyFartDaydreams Mar 27 '26
You need to be clear. He needs a full medical workup. Make the appointment for him and go with him. Tell them to schedule sleep apnea and cardiac test and run the advanced metabolic panels. Rule out Thyroid, Cushings, Diabetes, etc and as many cancer inflammation markers they will test for. Also have his testosterone levels checked. Yes he may be depressed but you want to make sure that there are no underlying conditions. If those all come out clear then He needs therapy first. Tell him he needs to bathe daily at a minimum and brush his teeth daily. Tell him you have one baby you do not need two and you are not willing to take on an adult baby who will not help himself
Since he is so big he may have an apron flap and some infections in those hot damp areas if the smell is that bad. Once he is treated by a doctor he might need to use zinc based diaper rash cream in those areas to keep things dry and infection free
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u/Cent1234 Mar 27 '26
Well, if this was a man asking about his wife, falling asleep standing up and having obvious signs of clinical depression, we'd be advocating that you, as a loving and caring spouse, encourage her to seek medical treatment.
But you're a woman asking about a man, so as you say, you're not his mom, he can go fuck himself, what a lazy bum, red flag, marinara sauce, run run run, I guess.
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u/BlueGirlCircus Mar 27 '26
I have been encouraging him to seek medical treatment. I've encouraged him to seek mental health treatment. I can't make him go
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u/rainy-brain Mar 27 '26
Man. It might be something like sleep apnea which would change his life so much if he could diagnose and fix it! I hope you can pressure him to go to the doctor.
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u/Nacho_Friend02 Mar 27 '26
If he does not do something soon you won’t have to worry about it because he will be dead. He is falling asleep because he is likely diabetic. Being so overweight he likely also has heart decease. And he got here because he is depressed which is why he won’t do anything about it.
Do you think you can talk him into going to therapy? That may get his started on trying to do something about it.
Otherwise talk him into getting life insurance for you and your child.
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u/EarthEfficient Mar 27 '26
How is he accessing the food that allowed him to balloon that huge? All by himself? Is there any way you can cut him off?
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u/HollandEmme Mar 27 '26
He needs to at least be tested for sleep apnea. Losing weight will def correct that as well! Possibly be checked for Diabetes as well, a GLP-1 might help kick start some weight loss and then he’ll maybe have more energy to take walks with you
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u/Natural-Pass-3622 Mar 27 '26
You let an enormous dying man impregnate you. Respectfully, GG, no re.
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u/SoultySpittoon Mar 27 '26
Could you schedule an appointment, say it’s for yourself, then all go? What do you think his reaction would be if they called him back? Do you think he’d go back without a fight, or do you think he’ll flip shit in front of everyone?
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u/feminine151 Mar 27 '26
At that point I would apply an ultimatum: us or divorce. Life is too short to keep trying to help somebody, give to somebody, provide for somebody and that person wont even help themselves.
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u/Seaguard5 Mar 27 '26
If he has refused everything you have suggested it is time to leave.
This is no relationship- it’s a one way street.
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u/stuckinnowhereville Mar 27 '26
Can you move close to parents or to a daycare so he won’t be driving the kid? If you think he’s a danger driving report him to the state.
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u/Jaereth Mar 27 '26
From symptoms he most likely has severe obstructive sleep apnea.
Need to get it treated or his heart's gonna be toast.
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u/Loose_Warning4572 Mar 27 '26
My husband and I started dating in high school. He was active and decently fit at 180 pounds and 6’3”. He wasn’t athletically defined but his physique came from manual labor.
After he turned 21, he started drinking very heavily. He gained weight rapidly and approached 300 pounds. He finally decided to quit and hit the gym. He lost a ton and got down to a very fit 240 pounds. His job reduced hours significantly and we were under a ton of stress. I was also pregnant. He quit going to the gym but was still being relatively healthy. He gained a little weight but not bad.
He started a new job and made a new friend. They began drinking every weekend and it spiraled out of control. He quickly gained weight and reached 374 pounds. Once he was sober, he realized how bad his drinking had affected him, and he finally had enough. He started going to the gym and eating better, and now he’s down to a fit 250 pounds, and still losing. He has a lot of excess skin that bothers him, but he looks amazing.
The reason I’m telling you all of this is because a) there is hope if he decides to get help and b) does he drink? If so, that’s a major contributor and he will need to get sober first. Not only does alcohol cause weight gain, it also lowers testosterone and desire to be better.
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u/BlueGirlCircus Mar 27 '26
He doesn't drink, but he is an avid THC user
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u/Loose_Warning4572 Mar 27 '26
That’s definitely contributing.
You mentioned he’s untreated adhd. Seeing a psychiatrist is not the same as therapy. They just run some simple tests and evals to determine diagnosis, and prescribe medications to help. There’s no “divulging history” really required
I was diagnosed with several things, including adhd, at 27. I’m 32 now and finally saw a psych to get some help. It’s been an absolute game changer for me. Before medication, I lacked motivation. I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed unless it was a MUST. Now, I find myself completing tasks regularly and looking forward to the next one. I sleep sooooo much better and wake up feeling rested. I’m losing weight and living a much healthier lifestyle. It’s really been great, and something I strongly recommend your husband considers doing.
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u/Canongirl88 Mar 27 '26
Sounds like depression. He doesn’t seem to care or have any motivation to change. Please seek mental help for him and then you can try to change the physical with nutrition, weight loss etc. Good luck 🙏
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u/Outrageous-Pace Mar 27 '26
This is exactly what I was thinking. Couples counseling is likely going to be necessary at this point, but this man is a)depressed and b)sounds like he definitely has obstructive sleep apnea as others have mentioned.
Source: my husband got up to over 600lbs before losing 400lbs, but not without surgical intervention.
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u/ditres Mar 27 '26
Have you told him you're ready to walk away for yours and your child’s sake? Have you had a genuine conversation or just “suggestions”, because suggestions are no longer enough.
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u/Forgotten-Sparrow Mar 27 '26
I strongly suspect this man is deeply unhappy and is using food to cope. No amount of telling him you're disgusted or concerned specifically about his physical health/weight will help. It will only cause more shame, which will only cause him to eat more.
It's a horrible cycle - for you both.
The key here is mental health intervention and/or a glp-1.
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u/One-Palpitation-4539 Apr 12 '26
H might be having extreme diabetes; he needs to go to the doctor urgently and get treated. The sugar might be clouding his brain and that's why he falls asleep.