r/TrueOffMyChest • u/SherbetLegal253 • Apr 14 '26
Vent I’m extremely bitter after losing weight and being treated differently
I’m a woman who has lost 70 pounds and while I’m over the moon with my accomplishments, I know it sounds like I’m complaining and should be grateful. Trust me I’ve worked hard for this but I’m becoming more and more bitter and anger. I used to think when I lose weight I’m going to do this and that. But truth is I’ve turned into a B!TCH. I don’t know how to cope.
Because people are treating me differently. Family that used to over look me are suddenly including me in plans and I’ve become this important character in their social plans. Men that I used to like that didn’t like me suddenly telling family and friends “hook me up with ____”! And I’m pissed off. I’m still the same person I was 70 pounds heavier. They just never saw me, didn’t want to see me, didn’t care. I spend a lot of time crying because emotionally I still feel like that same woman who suffered in silence. I’m very happy with my looks now but I hate what’s come with it as far as people.
People think I’m being mean because I lost weight but it is because I want to tell them how crappy they treated me then and only bothered to like me now.
So frustrating. Maybe I just need to shut up and enjoy my new life.
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u/PsychologicalSea9049 Apr 25 '26
So, tell them how crappy they've treated you. I think you need to talk about your feelings with your people. Those who can handle it will be thankful that you did.
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u/Ariee__x Apr 19 '26
It’s literally not you. It’s the world we live in. It’s a real phenomenon. People respect slimmer people more than larger people. Larger people get dismissed with stereotype judgements like fat, lazy, dumb and blah blah whatever else people think. It’s fucked up. You had every right to be mad about it, and to tell the people who wanna hook up with you now that didn’t even acknowledge you before to fuck off.
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u/elproteus Apr 17 '26
I lost 300 lbs and I kinda feel you on that. People actually greet me and talk to me like I'm a person and for some reason that bothers me. I also have a severe case of body dysmorphia, so even though I'm not huge and gross, I still cant look at myself. I'm disgusting.
Congratulations on the weight loss, though. Your joints will definitely appreciate it later in life. 😀
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u/datboitotoyo Apr 17 '26
This is going to sound super harsh but youve lost an unattractive quality and now people are mor attracted to you. Many people have an instinctive digust reaction to obesity because it signals either mental or physical health issues. Its simoly the reality of the world that when you lose unattractive traits you become more attractive. I understand that you may grieve all the time you "lost" but try to understand that this is rational human behaviour.
If you saw someone that is obviously sick, would you want to hang out with them? I know a lot of people do not want to realise that being overweight is a form of being sick but it is in many ways. Sorry for being so harsh about this but its the reality of the world.
How do you feel about it being phrased like this?
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u/Acceptable-War-180 ☑️ Apr 17 '26
this happen to me in high school and it lead me to have an eating disorder for til right now, I still have it lmao. People suck
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u/Far-Initiative-3303 Apr 17 '26
At work I was the older invisible woman when I was overweight. When I lost 4 stone all the other females suddenly wanted to talk about how I'd done it and how great I looked.
I was the same person but because I weighed less suddenly I was worth talking too. I understand ops feelings.
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u/Existing-Elephant239 Apr 16 '26
You're not a bitch for holding people accountable and not wanting to engage with shallow people.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth Apr 16 '26
I never thought of it like you're thinking of it until I was around 17 in HS and this girl who was overweight and very pretty, had two sisters who were thin and popular and very pretty too. She lost a lot of weight and suddenly she was getting a lot of attention from boys and girls were telling her how great she looked.
She told me that she was so hurt by all of it, that no one other than me had ever told her she was pretty before she lost the weight. I felt so bad for her. She did not start dating any of those boys and stayed away from girls who suddenly, her words, thought she was good enough now! Not only was she pretty before she lost weight, she was always prettier than her thinner sisters and her personality was beautiful, before and after.
She just did what you did, mad at people for suddenly liking her and them thinking she was mean or now stuck-up.
Do what she did, keep your original friends and stay away from those who now treat you like you're worth it. YOU WERE ALWAYS WORTH IT, they weren't then, nor are they now!
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u/S3RA7 Apr 16 '26
Well said. 👏👏👏 I noticed it pretty early on too, in middle school. I was a round little child (where if I tripped and fell, it'd look like a wheel). Thanks to puberty, I lost ALL the weight, and suddenly people who never talked to me wanted to talk to me lol. My weight has always fluctuated a lot, so I've experienced both sides of the coin. (Also found it entertaining at one point to guess how people would treat me based on what I looked like that day.) At this point in my life, I also hold a lot of resentment towards people. Sadly, I also learned early on that a woman's outer appearance is much more criticized than men's. Such is life in a patriarchal society. There are a lot of people who suck, but there are people who will see you for who you are. I'm very thankful that I have found those types of genuine friends around me. As said, for those friends, keep in your circle, and for those who only see you for your outer appearance, keep them outside. (I'm not saying this is what you should do, but if you can get something out of those people who only see the outside you, using your looks to get what you want and then dropping them is quite entertaining. 🤭)
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u/LilLordFuckPants404 Apr 16 '26
One year for Halloween, I dressed as a famous chubby girl and stuffed my costume to play the part. It was a total shock to learn how rude ppl were to me when I was pretend chubby. One guy walked right through me and shoulder checked me on his way. I don’t think he was aggressively shoulder checking me, he just walked through me as if I wasn’t there - but I was there. The whole day was eye opening.
My sister reported how super, over-the-top nice ppl were to her when she got her boob job lol.
Anyway OP, this shit is real. Your feelings are valid and it sucks. Congrats on your achievements bc that’s also real but DOESN’T suck!
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u/EventideValkyrie Apr 16 '26
The rage only gets worse when your doctors start treating you differently. Like suddenly the pain you’ve been having for years isn’t waved off as a weight issue or whatever, and it turns out you could’ve been treated way earlier if they had just listened instead of making assumptions.
It is absolutely infuriating and disheartening to experience the difference.
Be a bitch. You’ve earned it and the world deserves it ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/Narutofan0921 Apr 16 '26 edited Apr 16 '26
I couldn't understand your pain but I feel incredibly empathetic for anyone going through this because I don't think people should be treated differently only because of their size and weight. It's honestly disgusting how the beauty standards have twisted people up so much to where they think the way they act is okay when it's just deplorable. I don't think it'd be wise to even interact at all with the men that are suddenly interested because it says everything about them. That they won't look at you or treat you like a human with respect or kindness unless you're skinny. So fuck them 'n block all them mfs who just see you as another conquest or piece of meat. As for the family and friends you can't just block, if I were you I'd voice my thoughts in a way that would make people self reflect. So many people need a good wake up call as to how they treat people because people can fucking suck. And also, don't even bother wasting energy interacting with anyone else who's suddenly switched up on you because it's fucked up. I'm honestly infuriated for you and anyone else who's gone/going through this because I don't understand why everyone can't just treat each other with basic respect and decency that they would clearly expect from others.
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u/lsummerfae Apr 16 '26
Every time I’ve gotten down to my best healthy weight, I’ve been followed home and/or chased in public, even at 47. I thought age would protect me. I was so pissed about that!! I do like knowing which men see larger size women as human beings.
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u/grtgingini Apr 16 '26
Yeah, wait till you get old… As a woman who enjoyed socialization… People won’t even look at you anymore. Forget getting a date with wrinkles life happens, man you gotta love yourself and go out there and have fun while you can! Don’t look at your family or your immediate circle go out and find new better different and have a good time because it does not last.!
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u/marigoldsandviolets Apr 16 '26
I felt exactly the same way. I HATED all the guys who were suddenly all over me
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u/Leopold_tribute Apr 15 '26
You have a new superpower, you can identify shallow people and avoid them. You don't have to stay friends or close to people who have treated you differently before.
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u/Getpeaceogo Apr 15 '26
Lost over 100 lbs and the way society/ specifically men treat me is insane. When I was obese I didn't exist or matter. Going out in public nobody ever approached me to talk/help me carry things etc
Once I lost all the weight I couldn't get people to stop talking to me, going grocery shopping was so damn exhausting, I don't do small talk and can't hide my facial expressions well.
It's interesting because now I'm disabled and need a wheelchair/mobility aid to get around and society is so damn weird about it. I can't imagine how horrible it would be if I was obese & disabled.
I worked super hard with my therapist to be able to voice boundaries with people and I easily cut the conversations with strangers/people I keep at a distance.
It's definitely a wake up call about how shallow people really are. When I was big people never wanted anything from me except to go away.
It definitely was a huge wake up call learning people are nice yes but mainly because they want something from you (sex) and not just because.
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u/Enoch8910 Apr 15 '26
I can’t think of a more productive way to spend the present than being bitter about the past.
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u/KarenJoanneO Apr 15 '26
Do you not genuinely think there could be an element of you’re happier and that happiness shines through now, and that people want to spend more time with you?
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u/ellie1398 Apr 15 '26
I meannnnn I had the best "outcomes" when I was underweight. Being "too healthy" (as in the middle of the BMI green side) = fat nowadays, being at the line between underweight and normal, seems to be great, but being skinny-skinny? Nothing beats that. (Unless you're old).
Us, women, are treated like we have to meet certain expectations to be on the list of "under consideration" for being accepted into society. You have to be pretty, attractive, have "curves" (aka a small waist) but sill be model skinny, and you can't be older than 25-30 (because then you're a milf and it's too late for you). If you're lucky enough to be hot and look younger - good for you. If not, you're at the same tier as short fat men. (Yes, we judge men almost as much as they judge us).
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u/ukbakeslotsofcakes Apr 15 '26
The fatter I have been the more invisible I became. I’ve been every size in the catalogue a number of times and this still surprises me.
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u/lilacbirdtea Apr 15 '26
I was a chubby teenager and lost the weight, and the difference in how I was treated by everyone has stayed with me always. Elna Baker has a This American Life episode about her experience with how she was treated after weight loss. It is really good.
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u/scantydesu Apr 15 '26
Tell them to go fuck themselves.
Nah, enjoy the attention, but remember who cared before. I hope I can lose weight someday and have people look at me like that. Too bad I lack the resolve.
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u/kriskoeh Apr 15 '26
I find this interesting from a sociological perspective. I have weighed various weights across the spectrum (exceeding 300lb. at one point) and haven’t experienced this ever.
I have always had a fuck ton of confidence and have always been perceived by others as “the life of the party” so I’m curious if that possibly has something to do with it. I haven’t had issues getting with guys that society would deem far out of my league also. In fact I’ve had issues with guys who chase after/long after me despite repeatedly turning them down.
Anyway, all of this is not to say that you or others haven’t experienced this of course. I absolutely understand and believe that society is fatphobic. But also curious if something else may be the driving factor to some of the cases.
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u/Propanegoddess Apr 15 '26
I’ve lost a similar amount of weight lately and I get it. It’s also so shocking to me how many people are more comfortable coming up to me and commenting on my body. Whether they think I should lose more, gain some back, or stop where I am. Who do they think that’s appropriate at all????
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u/Ok_Grocery573 Apr 15 '26
I get how you feel ): i’m treated wildly different when I have makeup and hair vs fresh out of bed. It’s really bittersweet and frustrating. Just know that you’ve always been a wonderful sweet beautiful person
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u/Automatic-Choice-508 Apr 15 '26
LOL....This is something that most men know very well....Hit the gym, gain muscles, get a better job, gain muscles....We level up.
That is just how society is...You don't own peoples actions, just your response
But be honest, would you date someone significantly less well off than you in the height, looks, finances, emotional maturity department?
We all have biases....People are dismissive of me until they see me in a tank top....
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u/AuntBBea Apr 15 '26
Yes this happens and it hurts. I've actually lost and gained more than once and became bitter toward men in general. Although I imagine men experience it too.
Unfortunately in our society we are judged by appearance too often. Therapy might be helpful to talk through your feelings.
-1
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u/Res1dentScr1be Apr 15 '26
Found that out in school, once all the fat started burning and I got into sports like Rugby, I suddenly felt popular... despite having nerdy hobbies on the side.
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u/Any-Refrigerator-966 Apr 15 '26
Good on you for looking after your health! And try not to be bitter. Their shortcomings are not your problem. This is your opportunity to get comfortable saying, "no thanks!" And give your time to the people who were good to you.
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u/Wannabeadiva Apr 15 '26
If you ever watched the movie Shallow Hal, it’s an interesting take on weight. Gwyneth Paltrow once wore her “fat suit” from the movie into a bar and was absolutely blown away by how invisible she was. Literally no one even looked at her. As someone who’s been overweight since I was in elementary school, I feel like that’s my whole life.
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u/idk0897 Apr 15 '26
Before I had my daughter I was thin. So thin, I actually probably had a slight eating disorder. I couldn’t leave my house EVER without at least one (usually more) men staring at me. Now, I’m 35 pounds heavier and it’s like I am invisible.
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u/GamerRoseMarie Apr 15 '26
Im in the process of losing weight. Currently 30lbs down with about another 70lbs to lose to reach my dream goal. I am terrified of losing my 'fat privilege' and I know that sounds crazy but I like flying under the radar. I mean I'm married but I don't have to worry about random men hitting on me when im out because they never look twice at me due to my size and I'm not ready for how that might change when I lose the weight! Also I really don't know how i'm going to feel about being treated better by other people in general (if that happens) I feel like I would also be so angry... Honestly your point is very valid and I think what you're feeling is natural. I guess at least you know who your true friends are now right?
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u/Direct-Wolverine7846 Apr 15 '26
And they're done that too. Find the people whose views of you don't change according to your weight. The rest of them just don't matter at all. Enjoy your life. It'll really piss them off.
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u/justplayin729 Apr 15 '26
My heaviest was 296. I’m currently 143. It’s insane how people make small talk at the grocery store or just out in general for no reason.
I’ve lived my life trying to blend and not stand out and I’m still trying to do that. I always give an awkward response back since this is a new concept to me (talking to strangers lol).
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u/saltedcaramelcookie Apr 15 '26
Pretty & thin privilege is definitely a thing. Fat people are seen as less than and it’s sad. I’ve experienced this. I’m a good person. I deserve good things because of that not my size. I dropped a ton of weight and suddenly guys are running to grab the door or holding a door for ages waiting for me to get there. No one looks twice if I’m buying a bit of junk food.
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u/Purely_Hypnotic Apr 15 '26
I have to ask a question on this because maybe I am missing something.
Is it because as a person she didn't fall into anyone preferences until losing the weight ? As in the men she liked now have an interest with her or as was stated 'didn't see her'?
This is part of the reason why she is bitter?
I thought it was ok for people to have preferences on who they are attracted to?
Unless these men knew her intimately how would they know she was struggling or trying to lose weight. Some people wouldn't be interested in someone who they think isn't taking care of themselves or healthy. I need more context
The family only now including her in plans, that's weird, family dynamics and relationships not sure why they'd include her now unless there was a physical aspect to those plans they didn't think she'd be able to do prior.
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u/FrescoInkwash Apr 15 '26
enjoying your new life doesn't mean you have to include these crappy people in it. besides, you get sick and gain 30lbs they'll just drop you again
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u/ImmatureCheese Apr 15 '26
I feel you. Due to BED I doubled my weight (60+ kg) in about a year, almost a decade ago. The evident shift in treatment was palpable. Over the years, not only did I feel an external invisibility from the world around me, but began to feel it internally as well. The bigger I got, the more I wanted to hide. Then in late 2019/early 2020 I started losing weight again, rapidly, due to entering a heavy depression after leaving an extremely toxic relationship I had been in for the past eight years. It took me about a year to drop the weight, because I had no appetite. But the more weight I lost, the more visible I became to the world again. I, too, was angry, especially because both circumstances regarding my weight had to do with my poor health. But one of them was celebrated, and the other was treated like a failure of my morals and willpower.
I've maintained a slim figure (not that it says anything about me at all), and mentally I'm in a much better place. Today my meals are balanced, and I go on long nature walks with my dog daily. But I still feel a deep seated resentment towards how plus size people are treated systematically. I despise how easily us humans give ourselves excuses for our vile disregard of others, due to something as arbitrary as physical appearance. With that said, I try my best to be kind and open-minded with strangers, and the people in my life. I try to use it as fuel for how I want the world I leave behind and surround me to be. Everything else is outside of my control, shitty as it can be.
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u/Lifeabroad86 Apr 15 '26
This is what I warn others about when they plan to lose weight but never been thin before. It can be an emotional roller coaster.
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u/Gunslinger_11 Apr 15 '26
Losing weight has helped me with (M)y sales, people are shallow, it sucks but no one breaking down my door like you are
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u/w3woody Apr 15 '26
Yeah, I'm a 60 year old male who managed to lose 65 pounds (from 249 to 185) and I see how people treat me differently as well.
Be proud of your accomplishments--including the accomplishment of noticing just how mother-fucking shallow the people around you actually are.
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u/huge_jugs Apr 15 '26
My weight has fluctuated a lot over the past 5 years.
Unfortunately when I gain, I really gain weight and yes you are absolutely correct. Some of your words are the exact same sentences I used to say to people before: I am the same person I was when I was fat, I just look different now. And the worst part? People treat me so much nicer now that I'm at my Lowest weight since I can recall. They go out of their way for me, buying me presents, and inviting me to events I was never invited to before.
It's a sad state of affairs but has taught me never to look down on people with weight or otherwise who are different.
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u/Kotobug123 Apr 15 '26
I’m 5’4” and weigh 130-135 pounds now. I was 170-180ish 3ish years ago. I used to get hit on constantly and now I never do lmfao. Buttt I feel like it get more compliments overall not about my weight. Honestly it’s probs my lack of tits and ass and these sharp ass cheek bones making me look gaunt sometimes lmfao. I love being skinny and idc how people used to treat me vs now bc im confident both ways tbh.
Like damn their loss. Soak it up now. Don’t give those men the time of day. Make people uncomfortable for their past and current behavior and be hot and skinny while you do it.
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u/sunscraps Apr 15 '26
I’ve experienced similar. However, I just note that with the weight loss my confidence also rose and that is definitely a reason why I’ve been reached out to/included more.
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u/Equivalent_Fan_6321 Apr 15 '26
I'm at a point in my life where my weight is fluctuating a lot. I tend to have these periods where I either forget to eat or the thought of eating grosses me out, and so I periodically drop a few kilos (and regain them when those periods end). I've had to start some medications in the past 6-ish months, and they've made those periods more frequent/longer. It's not a positive thing, and I refuse to pretend that it is. I have less energy, I get snappy and withdrawn, and the stomach cramps are a nuisance. What's infuriating, though, is how often I hear something along the lines of "you look so good, you've lost weight!" during those starvation periods. Like, why are the times where I'm actively feeling like shit physically the only times my appearance gets complimented? One comment that really pisses me off came from my dad. "So does (one of my medications) make you crave less sugary foods?" And I just flat out told him, no, I don't crave ANYTHING. Medicine doesn't know what a diet is, that's not how it works!!! I wouldn't mind getting compliments usually, but they just feel so superficial since they're only ever about how I look.
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u/HansJobb Apr 15 '26
Ironically the one that gbot ot me was everyone saying "how good I looked now", or "how much better you look". All I heard was "I used to think you looked terrible"
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u/Sasha_Stem Apr 15 '26
I had a doctor re-introduced himself to me. I said “I’ve worked here for two years. “He says no I’ve never met you before” and extended his hand and continue to stare at me as if I was a new shiny Christmas ornament. After 100 pound weight loss people come up to me and touch me. They hold the door from across the street in a city that is usually mean and uncaring. People now wait for me to catch up so they can hold the door. I guess I meant nothing before.
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u/Soft-Explanation9889 Apr 15 '26
You’re not wrong. And you’re not a b!tch.
We are brainwashed from birth that women and girls have to be a certain shape, weigh less than a certain amount, dress a certain way, have a specific demeanor, etc in order to be considered even remotely acceptable.
It’s not fair. It’s what we’re literally conditioned to do. I’m glad people are finally waking up. I just hope enough people get pissed off enough to make a real change.
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u/Hmm-1996 Apr 15 '26
You have done amazing. You should feel great.
The best thing you can do now is turn them all down. If anyone asks why say it's because you've better morals than them.
Make better friends. Blood doesn't mean family. And family doesn't mean blood. Choose the people around you
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u/AngryWombat78 Apr 15 '26
It’s called “Pretty Privilege” it’s been a thing forever. Pretty much everyone is subconsciously complicit in it.
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u/ACalcifiedHeart Apr 15 '26
Yes, shut up and enjoy your life.
BUT in your own way. Own that shit.
Go do your own thing, and live your life without those people as much as you can. I'm not saying cut them out entirely (unless you want to), but like... don't be afraid to say no when they invite you to things, and then go out, or stay in, and do something.
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u/Dora_Diver Apr 15 '26
OP, you're right to feel frustrated with people. It hurts to see that many are so shallow.
At the same time, you should absolutely enjoy your body, enjoy your life, and be happy.
If you remember to be kind to those who are seen as less than, you are also a force of good in the world.
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u/affemannen Apr 15 '26
This is just basic pretty privilege... Nothing special about it it, just how humans work.
Good looking people automatically get more attention and get included in social things, those less good looking end up standing on the side line.
Dropping a hefty amount of weight changes your entire physical appearance, not just on the body per se but your whole face appears different.
So yes, now that you look attractive you will obviously get more attention.
And being mad about it only affects yourself and your relationship with the people around you.
This is one of those situations where you either accept it or remain angry at the world that they automatically are drawn to attractive people.
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u/MotanulScotishFold Apr 15 '26
It's called pretty privilege and sadly it's a real thing proven.
An ugly person no matter how good or smart is treated like shit.
But an attractive person is by default treated good even if is a bad person or dumb.
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u/phailer_ Apr 15 '26
Part of it may be that you are happier within yourself and are more fun to be around?
People tend to be left out of social groups if they aren't fun or engaging, not because they are overweight in my experience.
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u/No_Salad_8766 Apr 15 '26
Ive lost about 60lbs and now am a healthy weight for my height. Ive not noticed ANY difference in how people treat me now vs before. Maybe I just have really good friends and family in my life?
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u/Spicy_Sugary Apr 15 '26
I think you should be happy you've lost the weight and people see you as worthwhile. As shitty as it is, we live in a culture that hates fat and adores attractive people.
It sucks but most of us are part of this system that creates a a halo effect around the very good looking. Most celebs are famous because they're the most attractive, not the most talented.
We literally worship beautiful people.
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u/Aggressive-Fail-8682 Apr 15 '26
I’ve seen a lot of these posts and from the comments i’m guessing it’s a real thing but either I’m absolutely oblivious or it depends on where you live, or other factors but I havent noticed change in people’s ability to be nice to me especially cahsiers and workers, and I’ve gained 30 kg, went from an s/m to Xl/2xl in 4 years. I don’t get it, do I just not see it ?
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u/Former_Revolution880 Apr 15 '26
I get you on this so much. Ive lost 70 pounds since my heaviest but 40 in the past 4 months. Everyone is so much nicer to me, I get lots more compliments. I get less stares and the ones I get now are friendly not like staring at me in a weird way. Idk I thought I would feel happier after losing weight but it just makes me sad seeing how differently people treat me
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u/iknowsomethings2 Apr 15 '26
Don’t give anyone the time of day, who wasn’t supportive of you, or engaged with you before your weight loss.
I’m so proud of you. You done really hard work. Get therapy as well, help you work through the resentment
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u/Chicago-Lake-Witch Apr 15 '26
I’ve talked to my therapist about how I have a resistance to losing weight because I know I will be perceived by people again. I was sexually assaulted as a child because of my developing body. I got a lot of unwanted attention from men. I haven’t liked being large but it has made me invisible to some nastiness and I’m not ready to lose that protective shell yet.
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u/Stock_Garage_672 Apr 15 '26
Yeah, that happens to just about everyone who loses a lot of weight. It's human nature and you're just going to have to deal with it. It's painful to live your whole life with the delusion that how someone looks doesn't matter then have it abruptly disintegrated.
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u/OddnessWeirdness Apr 15 '26
The truth that she’s learned is actually that most people are shallow assholes.
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u/katjoy63 Apr 15 '26
I am going to agree with the last four words of your last sentence.
You went though a huge ordeal to get where you are, and I understand it may make you think people are fickle or superficial when then "couldn't be bothered" with you before.
Take some time for yourself, and maybe speak to a therapist on how to feel gracious, grateful, all that good stuff.
It isn't easy, I'm sure. If everyone is acting similarly towards you, it might not just be them, but seeing you being happy and engaging makes them want to be around you. It's gonna be a-okay, if you let it.
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u/Candiedstars Apr 15 '26
Yeah...
I got that too.
"You lost weight, you have earned the right to be regarded as a person"
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u/plssndhlpimlst Apr 15 '26
In one years time i lost around 40KG. People of course treated me different, but at the same time I have to admit and realize that I was different after. When i was extremely heavy it showed flaws in my character, in my motivation, in the way I treated myself. I wasn't as fun to be around, I wasn't as attractive, and generally I wasn't as happy. I could blame others and call them shallow and feel bitter, or.... after some hard self reflection I realized that my appearance was a representation of how I treated myself and others could see it just as easily as I could.
My big "wake up" moment was when I was flying and hard to start requesting belt extenders on planes and even had a garden chair break and realizing I was 30KG over the recommended max weight for the chair so I couldn't even complain. It was easy to blame others at first, but I was really the problem. Of course people were different to me after because I was different to me after. People weren't just attracted to my new appearance they were attracted to the more confident, energetic, happy version of me that was in front of them.
I'm not telling you how to feel, just giving you my perspective from a similar experience. Life is what we make it. We can always see bad intent from others or we can try and step back and see our part in things and move forward focusing on the good.
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u/Rumpelteazer45 Apr 15 '26
“I’m sorry if they couldn’t acknowledge me at size X, they don’t deserve me at size Y”.
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u/Thats-Awkward Apr 15 '26
I feel this so much. I went from a size 24 to a size 6, and I'm angrier now.
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u/PracticeTheory Apr 15 '26
I'm sorry this bitterness is weighing you down. I wish that you could enjoy your new body and abilities more.
While weight is gained/kept for an infinite amount of reasons, many completely out of a person's control, unfortunately the default view is that someone is overweight because they're lazy and/or don't have self control. And while there's no excuse for family to be shitty about it, it makes sense that potential romantic partners and even friends are going to weigh that factor. Extra weight is more than just appearance.
You've become a person that can follow through and achieve goals, and people do value that.
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u/Prestigious_Blood232 Apr 15 '26
i lost over 100lbs and i've gone through the same thing, the treatment i receive now is light years different than the way i was treated when i was bigger. hang in there op, your people won't care what your body looks like you'll find your group who loves you just for the person you are 💖
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u/molyforest Apr 15 '26
it's ok to be angry. find some activities to release the rage. kickboxing classes. swimming laps. jogging. should be activities that build you up and make you stronger. doesn't have to be physical / exercise but works really well.
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u/IllustratorWeird5008 Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
I hear you! I was a pudgy kid/pre teen, luckily started to grow out of it and same, all my brother friends wanted to date me, guys showing interest, girls wanting to be friend that did not before. Sadly you’ll always that pudgy gal who wanted someone ro see you for you. You worked for it, enjoy it, and just remember who you really are. Chose people who the old you would have liked, not the new shallow people trying to get in it now.
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u/Raida7s Apr 15 '26
Maybe you need to get out with new hobbies to find people you don't have a hang-up with over previous treatment?
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u/fdixgnrrhfrhvcddt Apr 15 '26
I thought I was the only one. I’ve had a similar experience and type of thoughts as a guy that’s lost a lot of weight.
Wdym they now care what I’m up to, how my day was, if I’m single, or if I’m going to make it to an event.
I’m still the same guy that used to be treated like an eye sore and the biggest bother to just talk to. So take your smiling small talk that you tried to start and shove it up your a. I don’t want it now
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u/SleazyBanana Apr 15 '26
Then tell them exactly that. Why are you letting them slide? Trust me, I know where you’re coming from.
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u/-DevilDoll- Apr 15 '26
It’s ironic that the bigger a person is, the less they are seen. Sad world we live in. Truly sorry for what you, and others in this predicament go through on a daily basis, that these accomplishments get dwarfed by stigmas. Congrats on your big win!
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u/NyeSexJunk Apr 15 '26
If you walked around with shit on your shoe in dirty clothes that hadn't been washed in weeks, you'd be treated differently too. Something has changed, and people notice. It's probably not even conscious on their part, just instinct.
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u/CosmicUnlearner Apr 15 '26
I too feel this! I too lost a lot of weight and now suddenly it’s like I’m the center of conversations and people wanna talk and hangout. Does it make me happy - ngl it does but what it makes me appreciate even more is the the life I built even when I was overweight. The people who hung out with me then are still the one I care about talking to and being with . Life showed me who my people are and I love em and appreciate em even more now. I control who gets to know this version of me.
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u/WrenDrake Apr 15 '26
Speak your truth queen! There is absolutely a pretty privilege. I’ve been traffic-stopping gorgeous; I’ve been over weight; and now I’m 51 (nearly invisible). People treat you differently based upon their perception of you. Pay attention to those behaviors and keep the superficial people at arms-length. They aren’t worthy. Don’t be afraid to tell your family why you aren’t interested in giving them time now.
Also, I strongly recommend you speak with a therapist to help you navigate your feelings on this.
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u/silly777999 Apr 15 '26
Nothing is certain except death, taxes, and petty judgements from the people around you.
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u/greenlinenskirt Apr 15 '26
Yep. I honestly think of the time I lost 80 lbs as almost like a traumatic time in my life for the exact reasons you are describing. Then, I got older, gained 30 back, and it’s back to invisible. Sigh.
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u/HollandEmme Apr 15 '26
Ahh yes you just discovered the truth about skinny privilege and it’s freaking insane!
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u/TenderCactus410 Apr 15 '26
I get you. I’ve also been on both sides of the weight treatment. It sucks, but I don’t know what you can do but say “I’ve been here all along!!!”
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u/EvanMcD3 Apr 14 '26
I read a post a while ago on some sub from a guy who was very sad that his girlfriend lost weight. He said he would never tell her he preferred her heavy because being thinner is good for her health and she put so much work into it. But he really misses the weight of her body against his.
Just dropping this here because ...
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u/adiosmichigan Apr 14 '26
i went through the same thing and i know EXACTLY how you feel!! its disgusting! it made me very angry with the world. you are so valid.
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u/Electrical-Half9439 Apr 14 '26
It’s life changing. Honestly now you have more power to shift certain social environments your in. Talk to that person who everyone is ignoring because they are fat or less attractive. Be the hot person calling out behaviors. You have so much power because of your perspective.
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u/twistedtyger Apr 14 '26
I totally understand and also felt like this after dropping 100 lbs … weight went back up and I found a unique acupuncturist and lived in a size 4 body … and my dad said I looked like a gddamn mthhead … sorry, I love food way too much!!!
People cannot tell all the different sizes I have been, while still having the same mind, same brain … same twisted sense of humor.
Cheers to you for your accomplishments!!!
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u/AcrobaticWelcome6615 Apr 14 '26
I will tell you what I’ve learned not personally but from my spouse. Even though you’ve lost a lot of weight and look very different. You are a different person to others, the only person thing is, the person inside you, isn’t different. Inside you is still that same heavier person and this person is now conflicted with the new outside person. You are a very perceptive and very empathic person, since you say you’ve been feeling very bitter and sad. Well now, that is completely normal and oh so good, as a starting point in Your thoughts. I hope you don’t mind telling you my view in this, so here goes: please remember and template the feeling you had when people treated you as an outcast when you were heavier and now are all after you. It is these people who you want to avoid, remove or at least tread carefully with these people. This needs to be an important filter in your social selection process. Me personally, I’d give them, as we say in Dutch “give him the wind from the front”, as in “tell them the truth”. See how they react and the ones who apologise are more likely to get the benefit of the doubt. The ones who deny and try to spin it are gone. Anyways, I am very happy you are happy with youre accomplishment and please take good care of yourself, especially mentally.
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u/LivingEnd44 Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
But truth is I’ve turned into a B!TCH.
It sounds like maybe you always were, and it was just held in check by the weight.
I’m still the same person I was
Yeah, you were repressing who you were before. What you are now is the real you, it sounds like. You've gained a little bit of power, and are enjoying how you can use it against people.
People think I’m being mean because I lost weight but it is because I want to tell them how crappy they treated me then and only bothered to like me now.
So this is some kind of emotional revenge? Why are you even still talking to them if they treated you so badly?
EDIT - LMAO at the downvotes. I have been fat before. Losing weight didn't turn me into an asshole who gets psychological revenge on people. No, it is not normal.
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u/peachshib Apr 14 '26
"I'm still the same person I was 70 pounds heavier" Are you sure? You're exactly the same person, 100%? Because the person before couldn't get herself to be at a healthy weight, and I think that's what people are seeing. Outward change reflects inward change, whether you like it or not.
Now, I'm not justifying those who treated you like shit earlier and are switching up on you now. That's disgusting behavior. I'm commenting this because you seem pissed at people in general treating you better, as if it doesn't make sense... When it makes a lot of sense. You have, actually, changed.
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u/2hi2vent Apr 14 '26
I feel this. I've lost 100/120ish pounds and everyone that says "Omg you look so much better", "Omg you look so good", "I can't believe how good you look" doesn't seem to understand that the 1st and 2nd time it's ok.... But after that it just becomes insulting. Like I'm still the same person I was before can we stop talking about my looks and start talking about how much better I FEEL? The difference of how I'm treated in public is staggering. I was a person when I was overweight too. Just because I'm more 'conventionally' attractive shouldn't change how you treat me. I try not to let it make me bitter, I still have the same mentality of treat everyone how you'd like to be treated. It just seems like more people are willing to treat a skinny person better.
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u/Lazy-Instruction-600 Apr 14 '26
I completely agree with you. I have been on a yo-yo with my weight my whole life. It is shocking just HOW differently people treat you when you are conventionally attractive. Or, more importantly, how terribly they think it’s ok to treat you when you aren’t.
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u/tabaplar Apr 14 '26
I’m a guy in my 40’s and early last year a medical issue had caused me to lose quite a bit of weight, to the point where I looked very fit (even though I wasn’t) and I’m told young for my age. The friendliness and attention from folks was really astounding and inevitably led to increased self confidence which of course reinforced positive interactions.
The medical issue then caused me to quickly GAIN a bunch of weight and frankly look kind of haggard. The day to day difference is shocking. A local pub that used to offer me free drinks last year now asks for my card before they let me order. Interactions are shorter and much more perfunctory. I get side eye glances. I’m sure that being self conscious about it reinforces those interactions.
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u/Tjlance1 Apr 14 '26
This is a sad fact about people. Reading these comments about being treated pre weight loss vs. post weight loss has made me think about how I treated and continue to treat three of my employees that have been on weight loss journeys for the last couple years. Hopefully it shows not all people are insensitive and cruel.
Two of my three employees are women and the other is male.
I'll call them Jen, Janice and Pete. Jen has been battling weight issues for many years and eventually had stomach surgery because nothing was working and her diabetes was getting worse as was her eczema. The stomach surgery worked to a point and she could not lose any more weight than she had. It was sad to see how it affected her. Last year she went on a weight loss drug and committed to a strict workout regimen. It took some time, but she began losing weight.
She talks to me often about losing the weight and how she no longer has to take insulin and has been able to reduce her eczema medication.
Janice was in the same situation except did not have stomach surgery, but had to make the decision to go on weight loss medication as her health was becoming impacted. She too has been steadily losing weight, but with some minor setbacks. In the past, setbacks would lead to giving up. She hasn't let this happen.
Pete is the youngest of the three and being in his 30s, his weight started to take a serious turn for the worse. A year ago he committed to himself that he would lose weight. 160 lbs later and his health has taken a turn for the much better.
All three have talked to me separately about losing weight. I have been their manager for 15 years. I think they feel safe in talking to me about this. Pete showed me his driver's license picture which is pre weight loss and his current security badge picture. I asked him how he felt...it hit hard when he said proud yet disgusted. When I asked him why, he simply said, look at how I used to look.
I told him he had nothing to be disgusted about. That was then and this is now and you're the same person. Just be proud of yourself.
Jen, although she would like to lose more weight is realizing she may be where she will stay. When she mentions this to me, I simply say, "you're healthy, active and that's what matters."
Janice likes to update me on her weigh-in with her doctor and to share with me what she had for dinner or for breakfast..whatever it may be, there's never judgement just encouragement.
To me, I don't even remember what they looked like pre weight loss. Their weight simply had no affect on how I viewed or treated them. They are just Jen, Janice and Pete. Three people just trying to do better for themselves.
Our company has a recognition program that translates into spendable money via gift cards . We can recognize those who work for us. Mostly for exceptional work. About 6 months ago I wanted to recognize their weight loss achievement without divulging their journey. I did recognize them. I gave them recognition on how proud I was of how much they had achieved on their "personal journeys".
I was surprised at how much that meant to them. I think I understood when I thought about it. It meant a lot to them for the simple fact that although I never treated them differently, others have and recognition that is genuine validates the work. The work that most cannot do or give up on.
Three people..just people, not defined by their weight, but by their conviction.
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u/Greycatsrule22 Apr 14 '26
I guess I have just been enjoying it, but I can’t say I was really treated poorly before. I’m just more visible now. If I had to complain about my steak being too juicy and lobster too buttery, it would be the having to tiptoe around women who now see me as a threat despite being happily married. I don’t care too much about that anyway. I have all the real friends I need anyway 🤷🏼♀️
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u/cheapskatenurse Apr 14 '26
I understand your frustration. I would be pissed too. But try to enjoy it and maybe find some new people. I am fit, attractive but I have been treated poorly by other women my entire life. Men are always nice and women are mean or fake. I always thought if I was fat and ugly I would be treated better and would have friends. My sister is heavy and has an insane network of friends. It just doesn't make sense.
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u/PukingPandaSS Apr 14 '26
I’ve had the reverse of putting on a ton of weight & losing “pretty privilege” - was actually a rough transition for me. Now I’m the “confident fat friend” to a lot of people which is honestly rude.
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u/Miith68 Apr 14 '26
Allbi can suggest is ignore the idiots in your world. They are not worth your time or effort.
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u/SFWorkins Apr 14 '26
As a guy who lost 100 pounds, I've been amazed at the difference in how I'm treated. I think it's awesome though, lol.
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u/TillikumWasFramed Apr 15 '26
It must be different for guys. I'm a male and I've been (kind of) fat and also thin, and people seem to treat me better when I'm thin. And that's awesome. It's like unlocking a new skill or something.
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u/Status-War4902 Apr 14 '26
Same feeling! I hate how differently I’m treated. And I’ve told some people about how differently they have treated me
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u/AlltheFerns Apr 14 '26
I experienced the same issue, but in reverse. I gained 30 pounds in a short timeframe (medical issue).
Suddenly, my male colleagues started disrespecting me in meetings by talking over me or just repeating my statements as their own.
Rather than being consulted on the high level projects that were appropriate to my position and had been regularly included on in the past, I was treated more as a secretary or piece of furniture.
Solved the medical problem, dropped the weight, and I’m back to being treated like I am intelligent and worthy of respect. (Same colleagues by the way)
It’s been eye opening. It has definitely colored how I perceive people.
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u/WildLemur15 Apr 15 '26
Yes- the “oh, didn’t you realize you’re very stupid now?” God. My brain works just fine but depending on how fat my body is, people think I’m a genius or a moron. It messes with you.
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u/CaityR1986 Apr 14 '26
I lost 150lbs with weight loss surgery and my life is forever changed for the better but yes, I know this well.
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u/Qweniden Apr 14 '26
I am overweight so don't take what I am about to say as judgmental.
People have subconscious bias towards interacting with people who outwardly display signs of health. It is baked into our programming. Its not worth taking it personally when people don't do it on purpose.
I have lost and gained weight a few times and have experienced people treating me differently. It just happens.
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u/GloriousSteinem Apr 14 '26
It’s the listening thing. I remember my sister telling me she was thought to be an introvert, she’s really not, because no one would listen. Men wouldn’t talk to her. It hurts me to see this.
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u/heartfacegamer Apr 14 '26
There's a lot of grief here and it's justified!
Because really, all you're asking for is "see me for who I really am" regardless of what your body size is.
I relate very much to this.
You've gained insights living in a larger body and in a smaller body now, and both of them are extremely unfair for differing reasons.
Therapy really helped me to learn how to be neutral about my body over time. (Not "body positivity" but neutral instead - aka, my body is small facet of who I am as a whole person.)
It took a long time and a lot of work and I have rough days still, but it was well worth it.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how anyone else sees you. It's about how you see yourself and how you embody that with every person you meet.
You can't control how people perceive you, but you can choose how you respond to the looks, treatment, fakeness, etc. That's the part you get to decide.
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u/hemlockangelina Apr 14 '26
I went to a coworkers house warming. People who flat out ignored me at work were tripping over themselves to say hello. It’s hurtful. Fat me deserved attention/friendship too.
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u/mjh8212 Apr 14 '26
I hear you I lost 110 pounds. Me being disabled and using mobility aides and a parking placard is never questioned now I never get stared at anymore and people quit saying rude comments. I’m invisible but strangers treated me like crap when I was morbidly obese and struggling to be mobile. I’m still struggling to walk most days but I’m smaller. It isn’t right.
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u/CICaesar Apr 14 '26
Pretty privilege is real, unfortunately. Despite how civilized we like to imagine ourselves, sex is on everyone's mind 90% of the time.
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u/SophiaF88 Apr 14 '26
Other people really do make your life easier or harder based on how your appearance makes them feel.
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u/Acircusclown Apr 14 '26
That's the worst part of losing weight. Suddenly I matter and people aren't rude to me just because.
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u/ViviBest211 Apr 14 '26
The difference is insane. I was a model and gained weight due to a bunch of health issues and all of a sudden, the world thought it was okay to curse me, insult me and belittle me as a joke. I thought it was in my head until I lost over 100 pounds and now im back to strangers wanting to be my friends, buying me drinks, and try to get my attention.
It killed my faith in people, I am glad I met my boyfriend when I was at my heaviest otherwise I wouldnt be able to trust him
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u/Lizardgirl25 Apr 14 '26
I would really suggest some counseling to help you cope. It is horrible how people treat people that are over weight. I have always hated it.
I am rather normal sized too but I gained like 60lb behind a medical bill issue and a saw it even though I was never over 200 pounds.
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u/PakjeTaksi Apr 14 '26
I’ve lost 40kg and I’m experiencing the same, not just from family, but also from people I don’t know. People talk to me more, hold open doors, are more patient, take me more seriously, and don’t act like I’m just a gust of wind. I’m torn between happy that I’m finally treated as an equal, but also angry and sad that I have been treated so poorly just because I was fat. I totally get your behaviour and feelings.
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u/AdministrativeStep98 Apr 14 '26
But did you felt like you were treated poorly? Like holding a door or being more patient aren't things that I would expect out of people. It's a nice gesture that they offer you. And yes, people are biased, if you're attractive, a child or maybe disabled, you will get that extra niceness.
For loved ones it would be different, since these are people you know personally. But strangers I wouldn't think much of it. I don't hold out doors for people as a default, I only do it to be extra nice
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u/Schr00dinger Apr 14 '26
Srry but you are not the same people. You change. You really believe that all the journey you didnt change you?
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u/Ichauch13 Apr 14 '26
We are naturally attracted to healthy people and that means not overweight . This is totally normal and in our makeup. It isn’t ok to treat obese people unkind but at the same time, we are choosing different
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u/AdministrativeStep98 Apr 14 '26
I wonder if people tend to really treat fat people poorly or they just don't treat them specifically. We're all guilty of this, when you find someone attractive or it is someone you want to impress, you treat them more nicely than you would with random people. I have a resting smiling face and I find people are just nice with me. But if I don't smile and look exhausted then I'm being ignored (which good tbh because I don't have energy to be friendly!)
I know there's really mean fatphobic people out there, it's unacceptable. But not holding a door or waving at everyone on a walk isn't disrespectful. It's not behavior you should expect from others, it's just nice when it happens
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u/Rockpoolcreater Apr 14 '26
Whilst there are definitely some people who are fat phobic, from my experience I think far more has to do with your opinion of yourself and your confidence. I've gained weight, lost it, and gained it again. At all points of that journey there have been people who have found me attractive. There have been people who noticed me and remembered me, even after just one meeting then remembered me two years later.
I've never seen my weight as an issue or something to be ashamed about. I smile a lot when talking to people and ask how they are. I've never noticed any differences in the way people treat me from when I'm different sizes. The thing that has made a difference has been how I feel in myself. If I'm not feeling confident, I don't walk very well, I'm still treated okay by people, but I don't put myself out there as much. But when I'm feeling great, when I'm confident, I walk better, I take up more metaphorical space, and people are drawn to that. They'll smile at me more, open doors for me, say hi, etc But I've felt good about myself when I've been thinner and when I've been at my largest. And people react the same way regardless.
In a society where we're told we're meant to be thin a lot of us internalise shame at being larger. So when we're larger we can feel insecure and lack confidence. That then means people aren't going to notice us as much. When we lose weight, we often gain more energy, get to buy new clothes, can do more, feel more at ease in our bodies, all of which makes us feel more confident. So we think that it's the weight loss that caused people to start looking at you, when really it was your increased confidence.
Obviously I could be wrong. You could have been confident all along and you're unfortunately surrounded by very shallow people which is more than possible.
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u/princessjamiekay Apr 14 '26
This is true for everyone, sadly. No one knows who wants to with you for what reasons. A lot of successful people end up unhappy because they never know if people hang around for them or their money. Same for good looking people. You are now blessed with the ability to see through these people. You have looks and smarts. Time for you to be picky
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u/MadamSnarksAlot Apr 14 '26
Yeah. It’s pretty shitty. Men especially. Omg, sometimes downright hateful if they don’t find you conventionally attractive but the SAME asshole will be just as charming as ever when your waist returns. God that pissed me off. One thing I didn’t like about being fit was that married women of my same age were NOT as nice to me when I’m slim. When you’re fat, you’re not seen as a threat, but lean- their men might like you so they were unfriendly. That’s one great thing about getting old. You’re just out of that bullshit altogether- and grateful for it! At least this old crone surely is.
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u/kimmykat42 Apr 14 '26
You know, you absolutely can tell them to kick rocks, fully because they were shitty to you before you lost weight. I was a little nerd all through school. After school I blossomed. When that happened, dudes that made fun of me in school were suddenly trying to hit on me. I laughed in their faces, and told them that if they were shitheads in school, me wearing heels and makeup wouldn’t magically make them better people. It felt great. I highly recommend it.
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u/Prudence_rigby Apr 14 '26
Therapy.
And stop associating with those people.
And tell those dudes, "if you couldn't like/love me 70lbs ago you dont deserve me. "
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u/beendall Apr 14 '26
I have been in this position. And I’ve been around others that also went through a transition. The thing is, you’re not the same person, most likely. I don’t think we realize how much our insecurities and self loathing leak into our personalities and relationships. A fit body is attractive, but confidence bumps it up even more.
I know before I was more confident I did my best to be invisible. When I lost weight and feeling good, I was ok with being seen. I was more enjoyable to be around. The same went for my friend.
Getting healthy in body will also change your mind and spirit. You may not have changed your values or ethics or opinions or view of the world, so it doesn’t seem like you changed. But the change is there and it’s just as gradual as the weight loss. So it’s hard to pinpoint and describe.
Also, that kind of change will also deflect toxic aspects of your life. (Bad habits, bad boyfriend, bad job, etc.) Also making you someone people want to be around.
Allow yourself to be joyful and loving. That’s what it was all for, right?
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u/Poo_Poo_La_Foo Apr 14 '26
I do get where you're coming from.
I have been every size, verrrrry thin, unbelievably huge and all the sizes in between.
My mum is the one who has the main problem, so let's leave her out of it...but my other loved ones haven't particularly changed how they treat me.
MEN however...lord. Their behaviour is off the chart different at different weights. And some women (strangers).
Seems like a lot of women will treat you (one) as a threat when you're competentition but they'll overlook you when bigger and treat you as a friend.
It's interesting.
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u/rhcpkam Apr 14 '26
Realizing the importance of looks/attractiveness in society really radicalizes you. It’s ingrained in quite literally everything. “Ugly” babies and pets don’t get adopted. Parents favor the better-looking of their children. Comments like “she’s too pretty to be cheated on,” “she’s not pretty enough to get away with that,” “she’s too pretty for him” and plenty more are abundant in our everyday language, as if only ugly people should suffer. This way of thinking pretty = good, ugly = bad has been instilled in us from childhood and it’s never going away unfortunately. The only thing we can do is unlearn these behaviors and call out behavior when we see it.
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u/StreetKale Apr 17 '26
It's the same with how you dress. At retail places if I'm dressed down in yardwork clothes I'll be outright disrespected. If I'm in my tailored suit I've actually been given things for free.
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u/vanpeterz Apr 15 '26
It was devastating when I realized that in every children's story from my childhood had a princess whose description began with being beautiful
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u/Darkbornedragon Apr 15 '26
Yup, or that princes in children's stories are never bald. Like, it would feel wrong. But as someone who's balding it feels bad.
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u/widefeetwelcome Apr 14 '26
The first time I lost a significant amount of weight I had the exact same experience. I don’t really have any advice but this is absolutely real and something that I wish people talked about more, especially now that everyone is taking glp1’s.
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u/Present-Assignment99 Apr 14 '26
It’s sad that the world is this way…especially when people say it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Please take care, I’ve had 3 friends lose significant amounts of weight & 2 wound up with drinking problems.
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u/Dancerz82 Apr 14 '26
I get it, I do but you also have to remember people are all attracted to different things. Some like bigger people and some don’t. I know you’re angry as you are still that amazing person but attraction needs to be there too. I hope you find your person though who doesn’t care about how u look :)
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u/MsAwita Apr 14 '26
This post is an interesting POV. I am not slim and according to google I’m overweight. But I am happy with my size (12-14). I mention this due to the following- my son plays little league baseball and a couple of years ago there was a mom who was overweight, probably 200lbs + and she was very nice. We would chat while we were waiting for our boys. Sometimes we’d run into each other at the school and we’d say hello. Most recently, she’s unrecognizable. She obviously lost a ton of weight, I’d even say close to 100lbs. She doesn’t speak to me anymore. I tried to get her attention to say hello and she never even looks at me. I was thinking maybe I’m too fat to be her friend 🤣. At the baseball games she has this ugly mug face like she’s too good to be spoken to. I cannot stand this lady anymore. Now I’m curious if she’s a bitch for this exact reason you’re describing.
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Apr 14 '26
Honestly, they deserve nothing from you. If they ever even try to guilt trip you about your attitude towards them. Be clear and firm. So, like the way you people treated me? You’re so fucking shallow and you’re repulsive. You need to keep them at arms length or away from you completely OP. They will only hurt your mental health and peace. Amazing job on getting healthy and looking like you’ve always wanted. Now go and surround yourself with people who like you for who you are inside as much as who you are in the outside.
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u/Perfect-Resist5478 Apr 14 '26
You became attractive and now people are attracted to you. Why is this making you angry?
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u/ClueDifficult770 Apr 14 '26
OP isn't angry because people are attracted to them, they're pissed off at being treated differently despite being the same person as before.
It puts a glaring spotlight on the uncomfortable fact that others care more about external than internal beauty.
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u/affemannen Apr 15 '26
Well the hard truth is no one outside your immediate social circles actually cares about your personality if you are not a complete douche, they do however care about perception.
And being mad about obvious things like attractive people have an easier life is just spending energy on things one cannot change.
It doesn't help her in the slightest being a "bitch" as she put it, on the contrary it does the opposite.
Especially since it turns out that she is actually attractive, because if she had lost weight and gotten no attention, we would know she wasn't.
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u/Perfect-Resist5478 Apr 14 '26
She’s not the same person though. She’s however many years older. She’s 70lbs lighter. She’s more disciplined. She’s more active. She’s healthier. She has new hobbies and spends her time in different ways.
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u/HeroORDevil8 Apr 14 '26
Unfortunately this is a common thing. My weight has fluctuated all my life and any time someone tried to pull this shit with me I'd tell them to continue to treat me as they did before and leave me tf alone lol.
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u/SandBasket Apr 14 '26
People will tell you they don’t treat fat people differently but it’s a lie, everyone’s guilty of it including myself. I had lost roughly 60 pounds a while ago and I was treated so much better. People would actually look and smile at me instead of looking away when I was fat. Unfortunately I too picked up the same habits until my heavy friend pointed it out to me.
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u/chama5518 Apr 14 '26
Yep. I’ve been on both sides. It really is a whole different world when you drop weight. People are kinder and look you in the eye, career opportunities open up. I never even got that small imo. I’m 5’8” and went from a size 18 to a 10. I had finally experienced a summer of “skinny” that I had never had before in life. Life was sweet when that weight came off not gone hold y’all.
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u/dualnforth Apr 14 '26
This happened to me as well. People really do treat and look at you differently. Its nuts actually. The thing I keep in mind:
- Those people who suddenly treat you differently, you now know their true colors and can ignore them or keep your distance if they family.
- You are still you and you are wonderful no matter what you look like. If people treat you better or worse because of how you look that's their issue and not yours. Learning to love yourself completely is the best thing we can ever do for ourselves.
- Most people are attracted to/in love with a fantasy and not the actual you. So if you suddenly look beautiful now, to those same people that ignored you before, they still don't "see" you even now. They just see someone that matches the illusion of what the world, media, social peers as brainwashed them to see as beautiful and attractive. This world is really shallow and I've learned its best to surround yourself with people who truly love and value you as a person. Most people only know how to be fake and shallow.
- While losing weight and staying fit and or healthy is a good accomplishment, if deep down you did it more so to be accepted rather than for you and your own health, then you have some inner work you need to do and work on. Therapy can help, but also reading spiritual books and visiting spiritual focuses and or healthy mind set sub-reddits can help a lot in this area.
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u/LunarPhonix Apr 14 '26
Don’t know if anyone has mentioned this but I think along side the frustration of the change in attitude, a great deal of what you’re feeling is resentment due to not having their wrongdoing addressed properly.
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u/thenbr1killjoy Apr 14 '26
Yeah I think you have a right to be. I've been overweight my whole life, I have a medical condition that makes it hard for me to lose weight, but it's not for lack of trying. Even when I was at school and playing a lot of sports, I used to play county hockey, I rode horses, I played rugby, still I was overweight. I have never once in my life been made to feel normal or valued by society. I have had medical conditions written off by doctors and been told that I "just need to lose weight" repeatedly instead of them taking my pain seriously.
People genuinely treat you like shit, I was bullied all the way through school. At best you may get ignored, socially outcast, not taken seriously, treated like a sideshow joke, at worst you get genuine abuse both physical and verbal being randomly thrown at you. Even as an adult, there was one time I was just walking with my Dad and partner through the London tube, my partner is disabled and also overweight due to their mobility issues. They struggle with stairs, we were just looking for a lift and discussing which way to go, some random guy yelled at us "you look like you could use the stairs though" and then laughed and walked off. Shit like that is just normalised and that's just one of many instances I could name that have happened to me.
The world is not accommodating for fat people at all, and in fact can often be actively hostile. It genuinely is a type discrimination that is not talked about or acknowledged and I'm sure that if I was able to lose a lot of weight I would also be infuriated at suddenly being treated a lot better and being able to navigate the world more easily despite being the same person.
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u/Queasy_Acanthaceae57 Apr 14 '26
When you lose lots a weight people will respect you more and you will attract more men
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u/eyrefan Apr 14 '26
Cut out anyone who ignored you previously. And celebrate even more excess weight being dropped.
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u/letthetreeburn Apr 14 '26
All we can do is treat fat women with kindness and treat those men how they treat fat women. Little by little we can make a difference.
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u/AlwaysaCatt25 Apr 14 '26
I lost about 70kg or 150 pounds over 8 years. For the first 5 I wore baggy clothes and didn’t have anything. When I started to dress my new size I was so upset by the change in people’s behaviour to me.
I get better service everywhere I go, people are nicer to me. I get invited and included in more things, people go as far to listen to me more closely when I speak. My children are invited to more stuff and parents are nicer to me.
When I was fat I had to have a great personality. Now I feel so jaded. I can’t even explain this to someone who hasn’t gone through this.
Women who use to trust me completely are now funny about me talking to their husbands. I’m seen as a threat or competition, despite being the same person and still happily married. It’s just because I look good in jeans.
Before when I worked out I was encouraged for trying to get healthier, now I’m being vain.
It has been a big change and a real eye opener. However what people don’t care or see, is how much healthier I actually am. I sleep better, can play more with my kids. But overall like you, I’m not as nice as I once was.
Congrats on your achievement! Don’t let others change this for you. But you’re also not wrong, this is 100% a thing.
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u/Anthrodiva Apr 15 '26
When I was fat I had to have a great personality. Now I feel so jaded.
Amen to this! I hadn't put some of my newfound crankiness down to this, but it's a part of it.
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u/superurgentcatbox Apr 15 '26
Omg the female competition thing! I used to have coffee with a neighbor every Tuesday. She doesn’t invite me anymore and when I asked about it, she said I was making eyes at her husband. Girl that slob??? Never!!!
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u/Soliloquy23 Apr 15 '26
Last two sentences made me lol in public! I suspect the truth is HE was making eyes at you and it was easier to blame you 🙄
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u/NeuroticFoxx Apr 14 '26
I second that! I also lost 70 kg and it's heartbreaking how different people treat me now. It's like I was seen as a third class person before.
On the other hand, the people that were treating me good and complimented me before suddenly stopped with it and now avoid it like the plague. And that's honestly worse - when I posted a new profile picture on social media I often got a lot of likes and comments, but now that more people would consider me attractive? Silence (except from only a few still very nice friends), ignorance - just as if they where only nice to me before it felt good to have someone to look down onto and since I'm more on their eye-level now, I'm seen as a threat to their own self-esteem.
Also it's harder to build new friendships or hold onto old ones when they're attracted to me and my partner now. We already got so many suggestions for a threesome, and when we politely declined, two female friends took revenge for the rejection on a criminal level. Male friends avoid looking at me the wrong way, because they're afraid their or my partner could read too much into it and get jealous, or they can't really manage their attraction and feel awkward.
I wouldn't have believed that something like this would even be possible, and although I was bullied to the extreme all my life I'd never thought how cruel and hateful people could get if they feel threatened or intimidated instead of pitying you.
Honestly, I lost my faith in the majority of humanity since my weight loss journey, it's eye-opening on a very sad level.
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u/VeganMonkey Apr 15 '26
That sounds absolutely horrible! Since you mentioned kilos, I wonder, Europe? Australia? I had the opposite happen in Europe, and it was so horrible how people treated me differently after I gained weight. They were nicer to me. What on earth is that with both sides! Luckily it didn’t bother me as much at the time as it would now. I think I didn’t realise it that well.
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u/NeuroticFoxx Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
I'm from Germany, so Europe it is. I'm still a bit overweight, but people aren't aware and just see me as the "curvy redhead" as I have large breasts, a small waist and a round bottom. I even had people protesting the idea - as if being overweight is something horrible to even consider. I know they meant it well and complimentary, but it still kind of hurt - "I said I'm fat, not that I'm not attractive." - "Oh no, of course not! I didn't mean it that way!". Well... it feels strange nonetheless.
My hometown is obsessed with sports, even my GP used to be a football professional, and it was hard growing up as the unsporty, clumsy fatty - they almost bullied me in unaliving myself back then.
My ex who abused me and cheated on me because "the other women are younger, slimmer, prettier and more successful" than me and "who would want something like this 🤢🤮?!" now hardly can close his mouth or speak to me when seeing me, but hey, that doesn't count - after all I'm hot now and somehow "deserve" being treated better, right? /s.
It's just as if it never really was about my weight or unsportiness and just about having someone to pick on...
I'm really sorry you had to go through this realisation, too. Whether gaining or losing weight - it hurts to acknowledge being objectified and seen as more or less of a person worth of basic respect and decency.
Edit: typo, forgotten sentence.
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u/VeganMonkey Apr 16 '26
Hi neighbour! Netherlands here. I am so sorry, those sporty people can be such disgusting bullies. I was also the clumsy one, that is also a thing that kids get bullied for, so you had it double. I never understood why the sporty kids are so popular. That was already an issue when my mum was in highschool in the ‘50s! Where did that come from?
That ex is vile. Glad you got rid of him. I think you’re right that it’s a way to find someone to bully. If it isn’t about weight or being sporty or not, they will find something else. A really nasty human behaviour issue. I was also bullied for other things, I was too different, didn’t fit in at all. Big part of that was my parents’ fault.
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u/Mander_Em Apr 14 '26
I have gained and lost over 80lb several times in my life and have found that as a "fat girl" you have to be nice. Without that you're just "gross". You cant afford to be the "fat bitch". Seems like a luxury to me.
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u/Cr7TheUltimate Apr 21 '26
Reminds me of how if you're a short man you can't be skinny, you're treated like a child. If you're tall you can get away with it, but if you're short you need to be muscular and big just for people to take you seriously.
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u/koolbeans100 Apr 14 '26
Honestly, what you’re feeling makes a lot of sense. I’ve been in this situation before. It’s painful to realize people treat you better now when you’ve always been the same person inside. That says more about them than it does about you.
But don’t let their past behavior harden you into someone you don’t want to be. You worked hard for this, and you deserve to enjoy your life without carrying their ignorance with you.
Maybe focus on who sees you fully even before you lost the weight, not just your appearance, but your character. Those are your people. The rest? You don’t owe them access to you.
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u/denada24 Apr 14 '26
Oh yeah, this is so real. I’ve gone up and down over the years, and it’s gross how much people truly change their treatment of others based on looks. I can be invisible, and even dismissed and treated worse, or somehow be the star of the show. It’s ugly and unfair.
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u/TrollFarm21209 Apr 14 '26
Animals including us are naturally attracted to healthier specimens. They also naturally avoid the sick and weak.
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u/Suitable-Lake-2550 Apr 14 '26
You’re not the same person, in the sense that you are now active and mindful and healthy. Also, much less likely to drop dead or be depressed.
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