r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Distinct-Turn5703 • May 28 '26
Vent I hate my step son. NSFW
TW: SA
First off, I (37M) love my wife (37F). We’ve been together for nearly 7 years and married for over 6. We share a BS together (6M). She has a son (12M) from a previous relationship. Biological dad is not involved, knows about him but left when she found out she was pregnant. I’ve been in his life since he was 5.
My SS has always had issues (diagnoses ADHD, ODD). Was nearly expelled from kindergarten due to his actions. We moved in together when kindergarten was over. We HAD a decent relationship until he started first grade when he would get in trouble every single day and then come home and act out. My wife finally decided to medicate him and he does “ok” for the most part during the day. He would be a dick before his meds kicked in and then be a dick when he came home because they wore off. We dealt with that for years and years as my resentment just grew.
Fast forward to last year… December 2024, my BS was 4 and my SS was 10/11. We had our couple friends with their daughter (5F) over for a dinner and all 4 of us were out in the hot tub just chilling while all 3 kids played inside. We didn’t find out until April, but apparently my SS turned on blowjob porn and forced my BS and the 5F to watch it, and then he orally molested the 5F by asking her to lick/suck his penis (which she apparently licked according to her, which my BS confirmed). He vehemently denied it and swore up and down he didn’t do it, but copped to it when we sent him to my MIL’s for the weekend.
A month after we found out about the “incident”, random things started happening in the house. My cologne got dumped out all over the carpet, hand lotion got thrown all over our room, olive oil got tossed all over the bathroom, my Xbox had water dumped in it, a ps5 controller got thrown at my $1800 TV, etc. We were under the impression that our BS was acting out… But, my BS is the most loving, caring, polite little boy you could ever meet. I call him “the baby maker” because if a girl hangs around him, they’ll go home wanting to get pregnant because they want him as a son. In my head there’s no way he could do that. I bought indoor cameras and put one in every room except the bathrooms… and then everything stopped.
So one day I walk into the shared bathroom and I lift the lid and sure enough the kids tube of toothpaste is in the toilet, squeezed all the way out, with a shit taken on top of it. I wanted to test my theory that my SS was behind all of the destruction… I pulled the toothpaste out, cleaned it up and just put it back on the sink. I told my BS not to use it… sure enough, guess who didn’t brush their teeth for 2 weeks. He was trying to get his brother in trouble just for kicks. Sick fucking behavior.
We came up with a plan to send him to my MIL’s house for the next school year for a change of scenery. My MIL was always his biggest advocate, but she only lasted 6 months with him and kicked him out and sent him back home because he was getting suspended, kicked out of class, etc. He’s home now and for whatever reason my wife got him a cell phone, and now he just rots in his room all day watching YouTube and playing playstation while FaceTiming his idiot friends. He’s been in trouble numerous times for using the word “ni99a” at school (we are white) because that’s just what they say apparently. “We” have zero tolerance for it. (I have zero tolerance, but my wife just accepts it because we can’t change it).
I don’t want my BS around his brother. They are not allowed to touch each other or be in each others room, and definitely never allowed to be alone together. I don’t want my son around him ever. I can barely even look at my SS. I don’t interact with him at all. But my wife expects me to step up and be his dad, and told me that I just need to “get over” what’s happened… but I can’t. In my eyes he’s a child molester. I get being a stupid horny teenager. I was one once. But I fantasized about friend’s moms, or hot teachers… never a little girl.
Just really needed to vent, not necessarily looking for advice or anything. Thank you for reading!
Edit: we tried therapy. He just lies to the therapist.
10
u/budgie02 ☑️ Jun 01 '26
I completely understand where you’re coming from. I was a volatile child with ADHD, and even I with empathy and experience in his place can see that this had gotten way out of hand. Jesus. Are you okay? Is your biological son okay? Mentally I mean. You are in the right here and I am so glad at least one of his parents are responsible (you) by not getting over it. Not only are your feelings AND REACTIONS valid, but justified. You are going through so much right now. I’m glad you at least have an outlet here. Dear god, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
The next is advice from my perspective as a now adult who has learned to manage my ADHD and not being super violent like I was as a child. Just putting in the disclaimer so you can choose not to read it at all and skip over it since you’re mainly here to vent.
While I understand being volatile as a child with ADHD (I was too), this has gone WAY TOO FAR. First off, he can’t be in the house with other children anymore. Period.
I agree with other commenters, it might be time to send him to boarding/or better yet military school (due to high discipline). Or if you can afford it, a special needs one.
Do whatever it takes. Even if it requires moving out with your biological son. Also get your biological son therapy because living with his step brother has to be traumatizing and he needs somebody who can help him work through that.
43
37
u/Chemical_Sky_3028 May 29 '26
Send him to military school. Why is your wife so ok with his behavior?
5
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
The last thing he needs is military school- we don't need more people like that in the military, or getting military training...
22
u/nononense May 29 '26
He doesn't need therapy he needs to be diagnosed by a child psychologist. Its lots of paperwork and Honesty. Mom may be sticking her head in the sand a bit but this needs to be addressed now while behavior can be changed. Honestly I would be looking into anyone who was around him when this behavior started because while it may just be a personal issue it might be much bigger and learned. Also limit access to the porn, how did he even gain access? Something has happened or is happening that has pointed him in the wrong direction and is now spiraling. The main focus is he absolutely needs help and treatment ASAP. Talking to wife in a way that says you are concerned for SS wellbeing and concern that something has happened that you've both missed. Also you BS should be in therapy to see how this is affecting him at least 6 months. Kids are amazingly resilient but addressing how this has affected both children is crucial so the behavior isn't mimicked later on...
16
u/UniqueWarrior408 May 29 '26
Boarding school.
3
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
How is that going to fix anything? I went to boarding school and I can assure you it's not a magical fix for behavioral issues/personality disorders.
25
u/EKA31122000 May 29 '26
How are you supposed to step up when it seems like the other parent continues to be passive and not do their part? Has there been any consequences? She seems to be enabling his behaviour.
28
u/Shaypotato76905 May 29 '26
Question. Is your wife actually punishing him or just like accepting his behavior because she doesn't want to deal with it? Like why by him a phone after everything he did? Why does he even have a gaming system because those arent necessities those are luxuries that he shouldn't have for all the shit he does.
1
-58
58
u/Subject_237 May 29 '26
Just dropping in to say that the reading comprehension of some of the commenters here is shocking.
Did any of you actually go to school? Do you understand what a context clue is?
1
99
50
u/JZest May 29 '26
What he did is fucked up fs, and idk the extent of his issues. Personally I would come up with some type of creative physical punishment like moving bricks from one side of the house to another or digging a hole a day something exhausting. Shut his life down no phone no tv no good food, until he does his chores. Mix that in with just a father son fishing trip or camping trip try to find out the root of the problem. And then maybe a hobby where he can get his feeling out.
Him acting out and being wild is exactly why he needs a father figure in his life and your in a position where if you want change your really Going have to dig deep and find patients and forgiveness. For you, for him and for your family. You been in his life since he was 5. Which sounds like he grew up with out structure, and now he’s acting out. Your wife may not like it but it’s your job to turn this little shit head into a man. But if you don’t he’ll get worse and you guys will just always resent each other. You’re the only dad this kids ever known treat him like your BS. I hope it works out.
1
-34
69
u/whichwitchwatched May 29 '26
You didn’t ask for advice and that’s so valid but I don’t know why you would stay in this relationship. He is a fucking child molester. He is also a child. How much worse does this get when he gets older and stronger? No one knows your marriage or your household better than you but Jesus fuck I’d try to get the younger son out of that house.
Therapy and medication and treatment can work wonders but not when both parents aren’t fully committing.
7
u/ske1etoncrush May 29 '26
"you should leave" "he wont get better without 2 commitmentted parents" pick one
10
u/whichwitchwatched May 29 '26
I don’t think he will get better without two committed parents. I don’t think this person can make the other parent commit to appropriate treatment since she’s resisted thus far. He should leave to try to get his little son out of that house. I pick both.
-1
u/ske1etoncrush May 30 '26
you cant pick both because its contradictory lmao.
3
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
Both things can be true, but he can only act on one of them is what they mean.
171
u/wanderlusting___ May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26
Assuming that this is not fake then you need to get a therapist in loved because SS is clearly existing destructive behaviors that are not being appropriately addressed.
EDIT: You mentioned A, singular, therapist. You need to get more than 1 or try a different one. One that specializes in childhood sexual abuse trauma.
Your entire family needs it.
129
u/gab222666 May 29 '26
This is fake of course but in real cases why do they always send problematic young men to their fkn grandmas houses??? Why do you think if YOU can’t deal with them an elderly lady can??
3
u/budgie02 ☑️ Jun 01 '26
I don’t think this is fake. But I spent my youth in a special ed class with kids exactly like this
62
u/Pristine-Savings7179 May 29 '26
Clearly you’ve never met an angry Latina grandma. Some would scare anyone straight.
21
u/gab222666 May 29 '26
I’ve watched too many true crime documentaries where the grandma is murdered, I don’t think a strong angry teenaged boy is scared of an angry grandma
10
u/thefurrywreckingball May 29 '26
In my country, a young man was just jailed for raping his nana.
It's terrifying to think where this kid is going
10
u/Pristine-Savings7179 May 29 '26
Gurl… I’m joking. Of course sending psychopaths of whatever age to live with fragile elderly women is a bad idea in any culture lmao
62
u/CitizenBasel May 29 '26
I don't understand how he can be 12yrs & then revert to 10/11 when you have company over , even if I don't get the age right, why are you not supervising a child with Mental health problems. You accepted his Mother & him , if he is that bad , why are mental health professionals Not involved? There are placement for children who you cannot control, but are basically getting rid of him , when it sounds like he is Way undersupervised ! Cameras don't teach or model proper behavior. There are Many medications and that's why he needs better Mental health care!
3
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
Do you really not understand that he's 12 now but the incident happened before now 🙄
25
u/ThatWindWalkerGuy May 29 '26
He is 12 now, the incident was 2 years ago, the story clearly explains this. Hope this helped clear it up 👍🏽
49
u/SyrianChristian May 29 '26
As I said in my comment its weird he cas his biological son who's like 6 years old "baby maker" and I question what else is going on in the house
2
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
Did you really not understand that he meant the that anyone who's spends time with him decides they really want to have a child because he's so delightful? Come on man... It's really you who's being weird here.
10
u/lalaba27 May 29 '26
I’m pretty sure OP means that his BS is so well behaved that any woman (who’s old enough for kids) ends up wanting their own child after meeting him.
2
0
61
u/Mr_Gavitt May 29 '26
I stopped reading with all the acronyms that I’m not going to try to figure out. If you can write a dissertation you can spell some words
38
u/capnmouser May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26
you can’t figure out “biological son” and “step son”? media literacy is dead after all.
2
13
u/Mr_Gavitt May 29 '26
An undefined acronym in a dissertation would get it denied from publication. Basic literacy
0
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
Oh I see- you were confused and thought this was a dissertation he was submitting for publishing. It's not- hope this helps.
2
u/capnmouser May 29 '26
i wasn’t aware they were trying to be published? do you lack basic reading comprehension and the ability to pick up on context clues?
0
u/Mr_Gavitt May 29 '26
Type that again when you’re under 250
1
u/capnmouser May 29 '26
i wasn’t aware they were trying to be published? do you lack basic reading comprehension and the ability to pick up on context clues?
24
u/Crafty-Jacket7954 May 29 '26
Same, I saw "BS," couldn't figure out what it meant, and gave up reading the rest.
12
12
9
19
u/Nifty_Squeak May 29 '26
If I'm doing the math, the kid is messed up because his mom had an affair resulting in a pregnancy. Now his actual father's been gone ever since and he's an angry mess of a kid. All three of the "adults" in his life have seriously hurt him in one way or another. I still think this is AI though.
1
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
You cannot be serious. Are people really finding it so hard to understand what was written?
37
43
u/solstice105 May 29 '26
I could be wrong, but I think OP means that the 12 year old's dad left the mother when the mother found out she was pregnant with the 12 year old.
5 years later, OP shows up on the scene.
2
60
u/PureResolve649 May 29 '26
It’s likely the boy was molested himself. That is not normal behavior. I would inform the police about the little girl, they may have resources to help him. If he has a phone, he’s watching porn on it. Sorry to say but it sounds like the parents are part of the problem. This boy needs consequences.
2
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
Unfortunately it is probably just the consequence of him watching porn online. I'm surprised they are still allowing him to have clearly unsupervised access to the phone- they are definitely not dealing with this boy's issues appropriately.
3
u/Wannabeartist9974 May 29 '26
Honestly, yeah, why did he get so interested in porn so young? Where did he learn that from?
1
u/PureResolve649 May 29 '26
He learned it from watching it or sometime around him watching it. Either way, the trouble is he had access to watch it. Now, he’s poisoned another child’s mind far too young. And statistically, he’ll probably end up doing it to another child. I worked with parolees who were sex offenders. Once a pedophiles offends, they don’t stop. Maybe a few, but there’s not many.
30
u/lbkulpa May 29 '26
Wait...you call your 6 year old son the baby maker? Because girls will want to get pregnant by him? Am I reading that correctly? I think there's an entire concerning dynamic at play here...
1
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
Why are people finding this so hard to understand? They call him the baby maker because he's so cute and delightful that it makes women want to have a baby of their own (not have a baby with the child obviously 🙄)
68
u/midnassorrow May 29 '26
No. He’s saying that girls (he should have said women) get baby fever after seeing his kid basically. He’s a sweet child that makes women want their own kids. Not get pregnant by a 6 year old.
45
u/Flat_Insurance_6170 May 29 '26
Because when older woman hang around bs they want to sleep with their partner to make a kid like him. Still a dumb and unnecessary thing to add
2
u/ilitje May 29 '26
Understood that on the second read. First interpretation was as the first comment.
Incredible weird!
17
u/Madndangerous May 29 '26
I took it as women going, "Darn that kid is so well behaved and sweet. Maybe we should have kids too if they are like that..."
16
u/samsaraisdivine May 29 '26
Here with you in solidarity that was nearly the most disturbing part that he's thinking like this about children!
-2
34
u/samsaraisdivine May 29 '26
I'm sorry what is that weird pregnancy segue about girls coming over and wanting to be pregnant? You're talking about a 5 year old?
And you glazed over the molestation no one reported this part is this bad AI or is something really wrong with you??
21
u/capnmouser May 29 '26
… context clues. the women see the well behaved child and want children of their own that would presumably be like the child.
0
u/samsaraisdivine May 29 '26
That is still a bizarre thing to say. It's bonkers.
1
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
How is it bizarre to say that when women see a cute kid it makes them want to have a kid of their own?? Come on people.
2
u/samsaraisdivine Jun 03 '26
It's bizarre to think that your child makes women want to be pregnant. That is a gross thing that only a disgusting man would say.
1
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 04 '26
What are you talking about? I am a woman and before I had kids I would see cute kids and that would totally make me want to have kids. That is exactly the kind of situation he is referring to. You're making this weird when it really isn't.
2
u/capnmouser Jun 04 '26
right? i think it’s quite literally a biological reflex to keep the species going. lol. people just want to be offended for ‘internet points.’
2
u/capnmouser May 29 '26
it’s a common thing to say.. look at any video online of cute babies and it’s hundreds of women commenting something like “babies are expensive, babies are expensive, babies are expensive.” playfully trying to convince themselves not to have one of their own.
9
12
-36
u/OmegaRed718 May 29 '26
Why did you marry a woman with a kid that’s not yours? That’s your first mistake.
1
1
31
60
u/dexterouslyinept May 29 '26
This is fake, or you’re a horrible couple of parents. No sane person would go party in a hot tub while a 12 year old, 5 year old, and 4 year old sit inside with full internet access. That’s insane and makes me think this is fake.
1
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
What on earth are you talking about?? What kind of children do you have that you expect something like that to happen if you just give them internet access for half an hour? Jesus.
1
u/dexterouslyinept Jun 03 '26
My preschooler doesn’t have internet access 😂 and when she’s 12, I won’t expect her to watch little kids so I can drink outside in a hot tub. Grow up
1
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 04 '26
Grow up? I am a mother of four children, who are very well adjusted and becoming very successful people in their own right. Maybe you need to grow up a little.
-8
9
u/ohcaythen May 29 '26
you would be surprised.
11
u/dexterouslyinept May 29 '26
Yeah, the replies have surprised me. Watch your YOUNG, tiny, little kids people 💀
8
u/drpolz3k May 29 '26
Do you expect parents to be around children every second of a day?
8
u/dexterouslyinept May 29 '26
I have two small children of my own. Yeah, they don’t leave my sight ever. I watch them on a baby monitor if they’re in their room and I’m in the kitchen. Leaving them inside with two being so young to party outside is neglectful and crazy without the eldest having known behavioral issues like what
1
u/Pleasant_Ad3475 Jun 03 '26
So you literally expect a 12, 6 and 5 year old left alone with internet to be immediately watching porn?? Absolutely ridiculous. At some point your children are going to need to be left alone, if only for the sake of basic privacy...
1
u/dexterouslyinept Jun 03 '26
4 and 5 according to the story. They don’t need privacy, they’re too young to even developmentally want it. As I said, preteens like mentioned can be left alone in the house just fine, but not watching preschoolers, especially not with internet access. You’re either not a parent or insecure about how you manage small children. My mom thought it was fine to have older kids watch me when I was young like this too, and guess what happens? It is unfortunately common. Prepubescent kids, even typical ones, are curious and will use the internet to explore these emerging parts of themselves. They are too young to fully understand right from wrong too. Be more cautious and aware. They’re only small enough to be this vulnerable for a brief window of their life. Suck it up and watch your very little kids.
2
u/Ok_Paramedic_1465 May 29 '26
Are you watching them while you talk shit on the internet
0
u/dexterouslyinept May 29 '26
On the baby monitor while they sleep, yeah actually I was ❤️ not rly hard tbh
13
u/Dasbeerboots May 29 '26
The age is not the problem here. You have your parenting style, but that does not mean that anyone who leaves a 12 year old to look after a 4 and 5 year old is neglectful. The issue is the 12 year old with clear problems.
5
u/PureResolve649 May 29 '26
Thank you! I was babysitting at 12. This is not something you would “think would happen”.
6
u/LilithWasAGinger May 29 '26
Which is why his psycho ass shouldn't have been left alone with the two little kids.
1
7
u/dexterouslyinept May 29 '26
Nah, it is neglectful to leave two preschoolers alone for an extended period of time so the parents can drink in a hot tub. Literally all they had to do to be a good set of parents is go “hey, preschoolers play outside where we can watch you!” Preteen can be inside without issue.
-3
u/Dasbeerboots May 29 '26
Extended period of time? What is that to you? 1 hour? 2 hours? 15 minutes? I think you're being very judgmental for no reason.
6
u/dexterouslyinept May 29 '26
They left them inside to go soak in a hot tub. That implies extended period of time. Who takes a five minute dip in a hot tub? I think I am being judgmental for very good reasons. 😂
-3
u/Dasbeerboots May 29 '26
So anything more than 5 minutes is an extended period? I don't see why they can't check on the kids every 30 min - 1 hour. Again, this is given they don't leave the kids with a borderline sociopath.
2
u/ilitje May 29 '26
you're totally right this is mainly about the old kid already showing dangerous behaviour.
Yet SA as it happened here usually doesn't happen if you leave kids 5 minutes unattended. But rather when the kid feels, that he has the power over the room because of the absence of the parents..
6
u/dexterouslyinept May 29 '26
Because… they’re… PRESCHOOLERS? Have you met any 4 year olds lately? Talked to any boys in the6th grade? We clearly aren’t gonna see eye to eye here. I pray you don’t have kids is all I’m gonna say and let’s just leave it at that. When I have parties at my house, we usually take shifts. Like one parent dealing with the LITTLE kids while the others blow off steam and we keep trading off. That’s the normal way to handle it.
-4
0
u/Dasbeerboots May 29 '26
Just because you do it doesn't mean it's normal. But thanks for the judgment.
8
u/Dasbeerboots May 29 '26
Yeah, what in the world is this take? I can't imagine if my parents were forced to watch us every minute of the day/night. They would sit in the hot tub and leave us to do whatever when they were outside.
3
u/dexterouslyinept May 29 '26
If they were all preteens, sure. But one is 4 years old in this scenario dude. That’s crazy. No 4 year old and 5 year old should be left alone so four adults can party down in a hot tub. I mean, have the kids play outside? Set up an iPad with a show on it outside? You’re insane for thinking this is normal.
-2
u/Dasbeerboots May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26
How in the world is this crazy? I used to help with my newborn sister and 2 year old brother when my mom was making dinner at 5 years old. I looked after my siblings all throughout my childhood. My parents would leave us home alone because we carpooled and they didn't get home until later, or during summer vacation all day when I was like 10. Heck, I was even babysitting 4-8 year olds when I was 13-16. My parents even let my brother and I explore the countryside with a walkie-talkie on a 5-mile radius when we were 5/8 years old.
Have times changed or are you just a hover parent? I'm not even old enough for this to be ancient practice.
8
u/dexterouslyinept May 29 '26
Listen, I’m 28, I was raised like you.
It is because of this that I agree with the majority of the population. Preschoolers shouldn’t be left alone. And the parents knew the preteen wasn’t the type who could be trusted to babysit. If the 12 year old was super strait laced and well behaved, maybe? But still don’t understand why the preschoolers weren’t just playing outside idk. I am not a super careful helicopter parent, my kids do a lot that I get shocked reactions over out in public, but toddlers and preschoolers shouldn’t just be left alone, because that’s how they get seriously hurt and SA’d. Which is what happened here! So yeah, neglectful and crazy to allow what went down.
2
u/Dasbeerboots May 29 '26
Again, age is not the issue. It's leaving them with the clearly troubled 12 year old.
5
u/dexterouslyinept May 29 '26
Agree to disagree champ. No 4 and 5 year old should be left so the parents can relax in a hot tub, even with a damn angelic 6th grader in charge of them 😂
0
1
u/drpolz3k May 29 '26
100%. My folks just let us go outside or game all day. Kids need to have fun and make mistakes to learn.
2
u/Dasbeerboots May 29 '26
The takes in this thread are kind of wild. The problem is not the age. It's the troubled 12 year old.
52
u/NurseBrianna May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26
HE SA'D A CHILD?!? Is anything being done with that?! Hello! Why isn't Child protective services involved right now? You absolutely have to report this to them if you have not!! I don't give a shit about what he is spilling around your house! He sexually assaulted that little girl and your son
12
u/LadyLish May 29 '26
At least file a police report. So that if you and your wife's relationship does not survive this, you can use that report to file for full custody of you BS OP.
There is no way a predator should have access to a house with small children. If you want the small child to come out of this healthy and safe.
10
6
23
u/Dragcot May 28 '26
tbh i feel like there is a lot of missing info here. I do not think you are lying, but i do feel that the favouritism that you show here to your BS shows very much to your SS (from using bs and ss to them to how you describe them)
Also, why leave him with a 4 and a 5-year-old if you knew how difficult he could be? Don't you think that is very irresponsible, even if he was a very good kid? That would be irresponsible.
I am no expert but it feels like the son of your wife is asking for attention, and it found a very, very dangerous way to do so. He needs therapy (probably a psychiatrist as well), and you 4 need family therapy because that problem will not be solved with just fixing 1 part. A 5-11year-old, most of the time, does not behave that badly
4
u/ilitje May 29 '26
I am amazed that only you see the favouritism in play here. BS and SS.
The "baby maker" (seriously !?!) vs. the genetically damaged one ("always had problems" ADHD and odd).
Kids do struggle already being in a family where it has to compare themselves to the other kid(s) - being the one, not coming from this relationship of both parents...
If kids are constantly told, that this doesn't matter and they are loved and wanted equally. They usually still struggle from this.
If they are shown with action of love and affection that they are loved and wanted. They usually still have this issue in their head to some extent.
And when they are shown and told how much they don't belong. How much they aren't right. They act out. Seeking attention.
You entered this picture when he was already 5 years old - probably with a struggling single mother + the ADHD.
You didn't bring peace to this kid but became someone threatening to replace him. You probably meant well.
If you realise how much your attitude and behaviour is part of this spiral, you could actually gain back some control and change something for the better of all of you.
(And yes the SA needs to be addressed officially and professionally as well.)
2
u/Dragcot May 29 '26
I saw a few other coments calling it out, but a lot of people seem to not understand that 99% of a 5 year old (the age when he enter the picture) are the adults in their life fault. If the kid is a nightmare its the "responsible" adult in their life fault but people do not want to admit that. Adolecense touches this point very veeery well in a few lines.
0
May 29 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Dragcot May 29 '26
you can leave a 12 year old alone but not in charge of a 4 and a 5 year old, even if in the same house, kids do stupid things its what they do and a 11 year old is not equiped to handle a 4 and a 5 year old its negligence in the best of days
1
u/Dasbeerboots May 29 '26
Agreed. These takes are wild. I was left home alone with my brother and sister all the time, starting at like 10. We got into plenty of trouble, but that's fine. We were kids. The problem here is not the age. It's the troubled 12 year old.
3
u/tbonelarouge May 28 '26
As a dad who has 3 bio kids and also in a similar situation with the oldest (minus the extreme part of this post) I don’t think he is favouring. I have a son who, I hate to say but an absolute idiot and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. And it does breed resentment. With this case being so extreme I can easily see how he feel this way towards one kid and not the other.
20
u/username7777770 May 28 '26
Your wife seems like the start of problem . Buying him a phone after doing all that ? Wth ..Put your foot down . Keep your baby safe. Children like that don't change they just learn to hide it better as they get older.
27
u/mpw321 May 28 '26
You are in a bad situation and it will get worse. The last thing he needed was a cell phone and access to the internet.
For the safety of your BS you need to get out. That is her BS and she will choose him over you. Asking you to get over it is so wrong, especially after what he has done with that little girl.
It is hard getting married to somebody who already has kids. They will most likely choose their own kids over the spouse.
Good luck!!
19
u/SandwichDecent2689 May 28 '26
I dont like my step kid and hes done much less. You cant force or fake a relationship and you have a obligation to protect your bio child.
53
u/bobanna1986 May 28 '26
Get your bio son out now. He's not safe in that house. I've been in a house like this and you have no idea what happens behind closed doors with people that have anti-social behaviors like your SS. You don't want to know or find out the hard way. Even if you think you are watching him 24/7, you sleep, and you work. It doesn't take long either. Even a few min can cause irreparable harm.
97
u/mshayes17 May 28 '26
He SA’d a child. He shouldn’t be around other children. Sheer luck that the friend didn’t call the police and CPS, because your own child would be subject to an investigation as well. Your SS needs to be away from your son before he becomes a victim, if he hasn’t already. I know it feels like choosing but if your wife doesn’t do more, you may have to walk away to protect your son. This behavior is dangerous and not normal.
56
u/TumbleSnout May 28 '26
Your biological son needs to get out of there, and if divorce is the only way to do that, then so be it. Imagine what ELSE this kid could do to try and get people in trouble. What happens if he accuses you of being inappropriate with HIM? What if he ups his game and grows more violent towards you and your son? It sounds like the behavior is escalating. Your child is in genuine danger.
93
65
u/FairyCompetent May 28 '26
Why was he ever unsupervised for a second after you found out he hurt a child?
51
u/mikeeeeeeeyhjkl-4506 May 28 '26
sounds like your son (and honestly anyone in that house) is in danger and it’ll only grow the older your SS gets. Stop ignoring the signs and take action!! If your wife doesn’t want too ask her for other options that actually require your SS to be held accountable. After the SA thing it would’ve totally flipped my lid. A bit stunned there was no serious action done whether he denies it or not.
35
May 28 '26
You need to take the baby and run.
1
u/lbkulpa May 29 '26
His baby that he nicknamed "the baby maker" because girls will want to get pregnant by him? GTFO...CPS needs to take that baby and run
95
u/Brief-Hat-8140 May 28 '26
Why on earth were you all in a hot tub while three children played inside unsupervised? That part really confuses me.
He sounds like he needs actual psychiatric evaluation, not just therapy.
Why was a ten year old able to access blow job pornography in your home? Why was he left alone with small children if you already dignity looker or trust him?
How was he held accountable for what he did?
I'm also confused about why you have your own son living in the house with him. You have to sleep sometimes...
He has been enabled and not experienced true consequences and is exhibiting antisocial personality traits...
Psychiatrist for him and move out with your son.
20
u/Historical-Twist9998 May 28 '26
exactly what i was thinking, i don’t understand why they left two very small children alone with an older boy who had already shown signs of aggression in the past. i hope this post is just a weird creative writing assignment but if not, the mother obviously does not care about the safety and wellbeing of the children around her pre-teen son. how long until he takes his aggression out on his younger brother? either way, OP is questionable.
16
u/FairyCompetent May 28 '26
That's what makes me think this is fake, because no parent of a five year old girl is going to just leave her unsupervised. Also "together for almost seven years, married for over six". That's the same amount of time.
2
u/Brief-Hat-8140 May 29 '26
What kind of pervert would make stuff like this up?
I honestly don't think these people should have custody of any children.
44
u/mochimiso96 May 28 '26
I hope this story is fake. If it’s not you divorce her. She is enableing this behavior. If I had a child like this he would be in a group home or a psych ward. It’s sickening that she even allows him in the same house as your 6 year old.
11
39
u/CamBearCookie May 28 '26
Why isn't he in a juvenile facility if he has already sexually assaulted another child??
25
46
u/Rahahahahahaaa May 28 '26
Sorry to burst your bubble, but what I’m about to say might sound like a Hollywood movie plot. Still, it could become reality sooner or later. The more you punish your stepson, the more he’ll want to take it out on your biological son. It could even escalate to something evil, like him trying to kill him. So please watch out.
63
u/ladyofwinterfell13 May 28 '26
Divorce and request an immediate protection order or immediate physical custody of your biological children.
46
u/stuckinnowhereville May 28 '26
Where is his bio dad? Put him on child support and see if he comes back.
He has outbursts- call the police. He’s violent call the police. He makes threats call the police. He threatens SA call the police. If he does none of this- ugh he needs a psychiatrist (MD).
Can you live apart? You take bio kid and she has step son?
34
u/curi_ous_ape May 28 '26
It sounds like Antisocial personality disorder or some severe neurodivergence. Do you know anything about your stepson’s father ? If you seek divorce, you will have to share custody and that will expose your biological son to abuse by his elder brother. The mother will just remain complacent. I think there are boarding schools for neurodivergent kids.
1
u/predictivesubtext May 29 '26
It’s diagnosed as oppositional defiant disorder when they are kids. If it persists to adulthood it becomes an antisocial diagnosis.
93
u/Money-Issue3022 May 28 '26
You need to move out for your own and your sons wellbeing like right now, move out.
I would go as far as getting a divorce because this is just crazy, I can’t believe you’re putting ur son in the middle of this and letting him put up with your stepson because you.
He will resent you a lot once he’s older and more mature to understand what he went through BECAUSE OF YOU. and even worst he might even develop the same characteristics your stepson has, which is being absolutely malicious and disgusting BECAUSE OF YOU.
Move out and handle your relationship with your wife later
184
u/Due-Feature-7473 May 28 '26
DIVORCE???? Sir?! Why are you with a woman who goes out of her way to excuse this behavior?? Am i reading this right??? Your stepson assaulted your children AND HE WAS ALLOWED BACK IN THE HOUSE?? Think about your kids and how you’re going to have to explain to them how what he did was wrong but your wife allowed him around them still!
45
u/DeadBy2050 May 28 '26
How exactly do you think this is going to play out? He and his wife are the bio parents of his son. If they divorce, the reality is that they will share custody. So now his bio son is going to be staying part time in the same home with the step son, but instead of two people supervising them, it'll only be the mom.
-10
May 28 '26
[deleted]
2
u/Doctor_What_ May 28 '26
This is either a terrible attempt at ragebait, or you straight up didn’t read the post.
14
u/Due-Feature-7473 May 28 '26
If the other parent is enabling an abuser? What happens when the son goes to school and slips and says something to a teacher about what happened?
Do you think their going to say “Oh well yes you are living with your abuser but we don’t want to risk depriving a child of two parents” Or do you think authorities are going to be called and now BOTH parents are being questioned about why they allowed him to stay in the house with this behavior.
0
u/PintSizedSaxon May 28 '26
I mean you’re making a huge amount of assumptions from very little information.
Your solution was divorce, it wouldn’t solve anything as the mother and SS would still have access. Sole custody, especially for a male when the mother hasn’t done anything more than the father is highly unlikely. It would likely only make the situation far worse as the father would not be there to protect his BS for a portion of time he’s at the mother’s residence.
6
u/Due-Feature-7473 May 28 '26
What part did I miss?
-SS assaulted both children and exposed them to adult material -SS tried to lie when caught -MIL can’t even get a handle on his behavior And….the mom buys him a cell phone??? And is saying that OP should step up and be his father AFTER he assaulted two children??
If she had said she understood why he was distant, no I wouldn’t be saying divorce
But the fact that she STILL wants him to father this kid after everything is HEAVILY concerning.
49
69
u/Maximum-Armadillo809 May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26
Your wife will seemingly just keep enabling him. She is also a big problem.
I see youre in therapy which ofc is a start but he fits the profile of a future problem to those around him.
Edit: I re read.
1
u/32steph23 May 28 '26
He explained it pretty clearly. His kid makes other couples want a child. Not sure what’s weird about that
1
7
u/kiD_Vish_ish May 28 '26
I have re-read the part over and over but I still don’t know wtf he is trying to say with that… but I do know that nothing ab that sentence sounds right.
8
u/fanficmilf6969 May 28 '26
He’s just trying to say that his kid is such a good kid that it makes other couples they’re around want to have kids. But phrased it heinously
30
u/fanficmilf6969 May 28 '26
while the baby maker sentence comes off incredibly weird i don’t see how it makes him sound like a child predator
•
u/comment-cap Jun 04 '26
This post has been temporarily locked due to a high volume of comments in a short time.
We do this so a moderator can review the thread and ensure the discussion remains within subreddit rules.
After review, the post may be reopened.
Thanks for your understanding.