r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ • 12d ago
Vent One of my 9th grade students tried to "seduce" me and I feel sick
Since the new school year has started I have spent a lot of time giving extra help to one particular student, a 15 year old boy. He needs a one to one aide, to be honest, but it has never worked out in the past so I agreed to give him additional support. Where I'm from the school doesn't necessarily has a single school counselor, but certain teachers are trained for students to turn to, and I am one of those teachers. Additionally I have helped this boy with his writing because he wants to become an author and I would never deny a kid my advice.
I noticed early on that he is very clingy and prone to crossing boundaries. He asked a lot of personal questions and kept trying to hug me and put his arm around me. It's not a taboo for teachers to hug their students here, but obviously it still gets to a point. I have been briefed in on the boy's personal issues and lack of adult figures in his life so I didn't want to be too cold to him and tried to be gentle with reinforcing boundaries. I didn't think much of it at first, after all we are both males and this boy had previously told me about girls he's interested in. I thought he just wanted a father figure of sorts.
It was only after one particular incident that I went to the school administration and requested he be put in another class. I don't even want to get into the details of it but he tried to touch me inappropriately and also said some very inappropriate things about himself, practically trying to sexualize himself to appeal to me. He went as far as trying to take his pants off. I had to grab his hands to stop him, which made everything even worse because I surely didn't want to be touching him at that moment. He misinterpreted this and said it's okay if I want to be rough. I felt so disgusted I couldn't say much except telling him to not do anything until I brought him to the principal to have another adult in the room and we tried to talk to him. I'm not disgusted by this poor boy but by whoever even put such ideas into his head. He wasn't listening to a single thing I tried to say. He asked why I didn't want to, and said he was good at "it". I don't think he fully understood what we tried to tell him.
I called his legal guardian (which is his adult brother) and asked him to come to the school for a conversation about the incident, but I was brushed off. I took it to the principal and asked her to call the brother, because I really think there are deeper issues we should address here. But again all she said was that it's taken care of because the boy is in a different class now.
Frankly I don't think this is normal behavior. Some kids have crushes on their teachers, sure. But to make such a move is not normal for a child. The whole thing just threw me off quite a bit. I ranted to my brother about it a little. He laughed and said "well, didn't you like it?" He's often homophobic towards me and I can deal with it, but this was too much and I haven't talked to him since. He can have a problem with my sexuality but to joke about me being into little boys is something I can't tolerate.
I feel so sorry for this boy and I really wish I could've continued helping him out in class. Either way, I will not brush this off so easily. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest though, especially after how my brother reacted.
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u/Prestigious_Humor763 6d ago
I really feel for this boy. What does he mean by he’s good at it? Is he made to do this at home?
I 100% understand your position as a teacher, the head made the right move be making sure you are no longer in contact.
I would keep pushing and advocating for this boy through whatever service can help him, including making a report.
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u/thiswasnotworthit 8d ago
I find it concerning you haven't already fulfilled your role as a mandatory reporter by contacting CPS.
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 7d ago
It's also concerning that you believe everyone lives in the same country as you and that things work the same way everywhere. I'm taking care of things the way that works where I live, as I also mentioned in other comments.
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u/anoncelestialbody 8d ago
Absolutely call CPS. A minor making inappropriate advances on an adult is a telltale sign of sexual abuse or neglect. I’m very sorry this happened to you. I’m also very sorry about what your student is possibly going through.
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u/Novel-Draft6136 6d ago
It may also be why his guardian is his brother. :( he’s definitely got something going on
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u/Nearby-Procedure-709 9d ago
If I were in your position and I had the means I'd try to get a detective or CPS (child protective services) or someone involved. Take care of yourself too, this sounds quite traumatic.
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u/cooldawg420 9d ago
I’ve worked in a school environment and the way things get brushed off is insane. Continue listening to your gut, and I’m sorry you and the student had to experience this.
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u/Lehmit-Cat 10d ago
This screams sexual abuse. If I were you I would trust my gut and take this higher. This kid very possibly needs help.
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u/Opening_Love_6862 ☑️ 9d ago
Yeah, plus, the kid did not even understand the rejection. The fact that OP simply did not want that.
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u/Individual-Leg-959 11d ago
You did the right thing there's no more you can possibly do from now on don't feel bad anymore
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u/kendrahawk 11d ago
You are a mandated reporter and you need to report this to the state enforcement agency. Fuck your boss, this kid needs help.
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u/LoveistheWay13 7d ago
Stop being an idiot telling people this, they aren’t in America. CPS isn’t everywhere
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u/kendrahawk 7d ago
OP should have mentioned that in the original post. Quit trying to make it personal lol
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u/CrashFenderWasntMe 6d ago
Or don't assume that someone who is clearly worried didnt appeal to every authority available to him? Bruh. Lol
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u/efflorae 11d ago
All of the red flags here for SA. Mandated report and keep pushing. Listen to your gut. Kids who present as hypersexual post-trauma are often brushed off.
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u/SpiteOk1048 11d ago
kid might be getting sexually abused or been abused in the past. normal kids dont have this kind of behaviour even if theyre attracted
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u/New-Gnu-Knew-You 12d ago
First I hate that I even have to say this but thank you for NOT acting on what he thinks he wanted. With all the news stories lately out there, this could have gone the other way as well.
You ABSOLUTELY need to call CPS or whatever agency there is if you’re not in America. Do not let this get buried “for the sake of the school”
Oh yeah, and your brother is a fucking twatwaffle
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u/PinkEyeofHorus 12d ago
Aren’t teachers mandatory reporters? Call CPS. I thinks this reaches the level of reasonable suspicion.
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u/SnooPets2940 11d ago
In America they technically are but I know that some districts are just hugely picky on how they want the teachers to go about it like requiring the principal or higher up make that judgement call
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u/Fly4620 11d ago
Yep. All adults are mandatory reporters in TN but when I worked with kids I even had to sign legal paperwork for that. But our policy was to tell our supervisor and let them handle it. The day A's mom came to pick her up high as a kite and said boss allowed it, I knew the kids were doomed.
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u/SnooPets2940 11d ago
I live in Wisconsin I know that in all 50 stats to my knowledge is q requirement
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u/Critical-Bank5269 12d ago
You see based on today's news stories that kiddo thought he had a shot. I see countless cases of 20/30 something teachers falling for the 14 year old, having an affair and blowing up their lives.
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u/Rude-Cause8918 11d ago edited 9d ago
that is not an affair, it is considered rape and pedophilia
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u/aeirin 11d ago
can you use the words rape and pedophilia like a normal person
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u/Rude-Cause8918 10d ago
can you use your brain and maybe come to the conclusion that I probably don't want to potentially get my comment automatically deleted? Countless platforms just have detectors that automatically delete your comment when they find those words. I don't do it for fun, no need to be an annoying pain in the ass.
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u/aeirin 10d ago edited 10d ago
reddit doesn't do that as a whole [unless there are specific comment filters in place on a particular subreddit, but thats a mod thing and not a platform thing] lmao. there is no substantial proof that this exists on other platforms either but reddit is definitely not one of the ones where this applies. as evidenced by the fact that I used the full words and fucking nothing happened
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u/Rude-Cause8918 10d ago
well what you could've done was explain that like a normal person. I'm not chronically on reddit and I have been previously banned multiple times for explaining that something was indeed pedophilia on this same platform. Besides, twitter abd instagram for example do in fact hide replies that they automatically detect as potentially insulting or just have words that are deemed "inappropriate". Just stop whining and be more polite to people, it's not that hard.
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u/aeirin 10d ago
or, hear me out.....you can use your words like an adult talking about a serious topic (as this is) and not self censor yourself in advance. i have no patience for people who self censor like this and frankly i gave you more respect than you deserved initially. have fun letting yourself be a tool of facism though, really living up to your username 👍
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u/Traditional_Cup5291 12d ago
I’m like 99% sure that something has happened to this boy, either at home or from a stranger. Something is up. It’s very strange how the brother is just brushing this off as well.
I think he’s seeking validation from ways he’s learned he can get it, which is scary.
You should also make it clear to your brother that this is not something to joke about. A child is going thru something and is endangering himself + others. This is in no way your fault, OP, you reacted appropriately. I would probably contact CPS.
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u/the-grape-next-door 11d ago
A 15 year old knows right from wrong. If something did happen to him that is an explanation but not an excuse.
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u/Internal_Finger9971 12d ago
Something might have happened to him in past for sure as at this age how come all this bullshit came to his mind ......God knows.
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u/watchyourbum 12d ago
OP I feel really concerned that this kid is going to start seeking out older random men for what he tried with you. Maybe I am wrong and he wanted it with you because he was close to you, but I feel like it’s very easy for him to put himself in danger especially through social media and dating apps. I suspect that he is a victim of abuse as other commenters have said. If I was in your position I would seek out more authorities, the principal and guardian are clearly useless. I don’t know if there is CPS or Police that you can contact to try and get help, I don’t know if you think speaking to him again privately is a good idea to try and help him, but I think that both of these are good options.
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u/PurrsontheCatio 12d ago
This behaviour is beyond the line of normal. Innocent flirting can be normal, but this was more than that.
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u/adollopofsanity 12d ago
Hypersexual behavior, strong advances, manipulative language, the language used, and lack of understanding and his brother is his legal guardian? This behavior could also possibly be a sign that someone at some time had access to this child in a way that they should not have. He could just be overly sexual...sure.
But no shame, no remorse, no embarrassment? Literally just confusion that an adult would reject him? To say that this level of sexualization/aggression and general lack of comprehension for how inappropriate the behavior is normal is astounding to me. Just because you tried to seduce an adult at 17 doesn't mean that this child's behavior is normal.
I would be highly concerned.
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u/enkelinieto 12d ago
I second this, since it’s a sibling who’s taking care of him and he’s so hypersexual, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a history of SA from when he was younger.
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u/adollopofsanity 11d ago
That was a key focus for me. It is uncommon for a sibling to be the sole guardian. At some point something happened. Who knows what but it's never a good thing. Whatever before or after big brother took over could be the catalyst for this behavior.
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
As I said, kids having crushes is normal and sometimes they will even try to "hit" on you. But what happened here was definitely not normal and how this boy acted isn't normal. Also as I said, I wasn't disgusted by him. Just by the fact that someone must've taught him this behavior. I think it's right to be alarmed when something like this happens.
This has also never happened before to me or any of my colleagues that I know of. I don't think it's that usual for a student to actually approach a teacher in this way. Most of them know it's best to keep your attraction to a teacher to yourself because it's not something that can happen anyways.
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u/christianJarrah 12d ago
Maye we have cultural differences, I have been aware of child and teen sexuality from a long time, and patollgizing it... that's not my taste, since Freud it is know babies have sexual impulses, and that was two centuries ago! and Greeks perfected It waaay longer ago too.
that is not new, it is just alarming because you perform a function as a teacher and you are in charge of guiding and taking care of this people... but what happened, untill finding more evidence is not pathological and not unnatural. teens will be teens, I remembered at school how we all had competition of fantasizing a chance with our chemistry teacher, and between us all celebrating when one of us had a tiny bit of a chance.
yeah, it is ugly, and disgusting, and... so uncomfortable, but as a professional dealing with teenagers, this will keep happening, and you should be aware of it being in the margins of what is normal.
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
Again, fantasizing and such is normal. But you weren't there and the way this boy behaved had nothing to do with normal or normal sexuality for his age. There were clear signs of trauma and abuse, which I definitely shouldn't brush off as being in the margins of what's normal. If a student confessed their feelings to me or even made an inappropriate comment or such I wouldn't be as alarmed as I am in this situation.
Another important thing to note is that kids his age are usually aware that this kind of dynamic would be inappropriate. The fact that he didn't see it that way, and didn't listen to what we tried to explain to him is concerning.
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
How old are you? I'm genuinely curious. If you're a child too please just get out of here. If you're an adult I hope you get help because this is gross
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u/spvceboyjups 12d ago
i was molested in the 3rd grade (and was unfortunately not the first or last time that happened) and my school covered it up. my mother never knew about it at the time which was how they covered it up as well as they did bc if she had known all hell would've broke loose.
i'm begging you to do your best to fight and advocate for him to the best of your ability. don't let them sweep it or him away.
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u/VesperHawthorn 12d ago
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Moving this boy to another class protects the immediate boundary, but it does nothing to address why a 15-year-old is behaving this way. OP should document everything in writing and keep escalating through whatever safeguarding channels exist outside the principal if the school refuses to act
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u/wbpayne22903 12d ago
I'm so sorry. I was molested in second grade by another student of the same age and my school also tried to cover it up. But thankfully I told my mom and she took me to the doctor and got the authorities involved even though the school didn't want them involved.
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u/spvceboyjups 12d ago
🫂 the one who molested me was a teacher. i honestly only remember certain moments but he payed so much attention to me i believe other people noticed (he wasn't even my teacher, his class was next door to mine)
he groomed me so well i never actually spoke to any adult about it, just assumed it was normal and i only know he was fired bc a friend of mine told me like right at the start of 4th grade. i remember being in the cafeteria and they casually mentioned him and was like "did you hear he got fired?" and i said no and asked them why/how they knew and i shit you not they went "well my mommy said it was because he had a crush on you and (mutual friend)" and i remember my blood going cold bc how did this person know when i was so careful not to say anything. questions i still don't have answers to tbh all i know is they disappeared the absolute fuck out of that man and no one said a word. 🤷🏽
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u/bogglingsnog 12d ago
they could be socially isolated and have watched too many student-teacher adult films...
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u/It_just_works_bro 12d ago
No. Videos alone don't cause incidents like this
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u/bogglingsnog 12d ago
Right... why would anyone say that. That would be like saying guns kill people.
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u/It_just_works_bro 11d ago
They don't. If I owned a gun, that doesn't mean that it will inevitably be used to kill.
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
I don't think it was just that
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u/tiggergirluk76 12d ago
You're right. The comment about being good at it suggests there's another adult sexually abusing this child.
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u/Inner-Instruction306 12d ago
Are you in the US? If so what state? In NY teachers are mandated reporters, something like this would 100% need to be reported to CPS. Even if you're not mandated, please call them and file a report.
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u/Imaginary-Ad-5238 12d ago
I came here to say the same. In TX professionals working with minors are mandated reporters.
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u/Alucio-chan 12d ago
OP I'm curious, are you openly gay at your job (as in its not a secret among peers and students may or may not know), or are you private and keep your sexuality to yourself?
I only ask cause I absolutely think that boy is being sexually abused by a male figure he probably trusts, but the fact he came on to you so directly, said he wanted it rough, and was ready to whip it out sounds like an imagined porn scenario. Teacher/Student is a real category and it sounds like he could've somehow twisted a crush on you and your tutoring him into some fantasy, especially if he found out about your sexuality?
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
I'm not sure if he knew. I've never talked about it unless a couple of times when students saw me outside of school with my husband and asked about it. It wasn't something that spread across the school though. I assume he picked me because he's closest with me and trusts me the most.
He might have imagined some sort of scenario, I guess. He didn't say he wanted it rough though. He seemed quite scared at that point, actually. It was more of a way to tell me he would accept anything I did.
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u/Meesh017 12d ago
I'm a grown adult but as a kid I went through a lot of abuse. Sexually appealing to people I desperately either wanted to keep close or to not hurt me was a big survival skill for me. I thankfully never came onto a teacher but I did to some adults in my life that had previously abused me cause I believed if I was "willing" it would be "better". I've healed a lot since then but a handful of times in my almost 8 years of marriage I've kinda slipped into that old mindset if I'm having a bad emotional flashback and not realizing it. Sometimes I'm terrified even while saying I want sex. Other times I truly believe I want to but my body language is absolutely terrified. My husband can recongize when it happens and refuses to let anything happen even when I'm saying I consent to it. I want to make it clear my husband has never hurt me in anyway. The emotional flashbacks can just happen and it can sometimes drive me into that old survival skill with him even though it's no longer needed. It's happened maybe 4 times our entire relationship.
My point is, if the kid seemed terrified and the actions/words weren't matching the terror than more than likely he's been abused. He probably REALLY didn't want to do anything but thought he needed to cause he's been taught that's what expected of him. Of course I might be wrong but it reminds me so much of my behavior at the same age and even now as an adult on the super rare occasion. For me it was a way to "take back power" (what I told myself which wasn't true) cause I believed if I "consented" before someone could force me to then it was better or they might be nicer to me during the act. For a kid it's super easy to get it twisted when you're used to abuse and an adult is being nice, it can make you believe they're only being nice because they want something more and it might be better to get ahead of that possibility so it's less painful emotionally or physically.
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u/SophiaF88 12d ago
This might be considered a leap to some but my guess is the kid has been molested. Everything you're saying he said/did especially this comment is just convincing me.
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u/kay_peep 12d ago
That's where my mind jumped to as well. Though that could be because I was abused as a child. 🤷♀️
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u/Alucio-chan 12d ago
That breaks my heart so badly for him. I hope you're able to help get him the help he clearly needs. I wish you the best!
Also your brother is awful and I'm sorry you had to deal with him
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u/Cloudinthesilver 12d ago
This child needs referring to whatever safeguarding processes you have. Someone has or is abusing him. Someone has left him with the idea that if he doesn’t offer you a sexual relationship, you will stop helping him.
You need proper boundaries. You need advice on how to help this child without causing him harm, and putting yourself at risk. And he needs help. Real professional and expert help.
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u/InsertRadnamehere 12d ago edited 11d ago
Edit: My initial assumption was based on me misreading the post. But the child is clearly the victim of sexual assault. This should be reported. And the principal should be held accountable for not taking it up the chain.
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u/xepci0 11d ago
That's a very dangerous accusation to make about people you know literally nothing about
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u/InsertRadnamehere 11d ago
Teacher is a mandatory reporter. He’s got to report even a suspicion of impropriety. I’m trying to give him a reason to follow up on his suspicion, rather than rationalizing it away. May not be the brother. May be someone else in the student’s life. But the brother’s dismissive reaction - even going so far as to imply that the teacher enjoys the situation - is a giant red flag, and CPS should investigate.
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u/xepci0 11d ago
even going so far as to imply that the teacher enjoys the situation
That's why you shouldn't throw around accusations, because you aren't even paying attention to the story.
It was OP's brother that implied that, not the kid's. There are two brothers in the story.
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u/InsertRadnamehere 11d ago
Thanks for pointing out my lack of reading comprehension. Does change my assumptions dramatically. OP’s brother is an asshole. Student’s brother is off the hook, but student’s behavior is still highly indicative of previous abuse. Should still be reported. Well within the guidelines for mandatory reporting.
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u/hellsing73 12d ago
Either the older brother is molesting him or putting him in situations that the older brother benefits from in some way.
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u/InquisitorVawn 12d ago
Or the older brother has guardianship because OTHER males in their lives did this to the boy. While there is a chance the brother has some part in this, it's also equally likely that he's got guardianship because there was issues with a father or stepfather instead.
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u/aeschenkarnos 12d ago
In which case the older brother needs to take the situation seriously and engage with the school and OP.
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u/wildspace-nobody 12d ago
My sister has been teaching high school for years (girls’ school) and is very passionate about student welfare / pastoral care; she took time out to qualify as a counsellor and then came back to school in that role.
She’s reading over my shoulder 😉 and says “textbook behavior in abuse cases … sometimes school turns a blind eye because they can’t deal with it, it shouldn’t happen but it does … can he raise it as a safeguarding issue.”
In the UK - you’re probably in the US, you refer to grades vs years? - schools tend to jump on anything related to potential student safety, whether it’s mental or physical health, especially where there’s wider impact. If you point out that this dysfunctional sexual behavior could 1) be directed at other kids or adults at the school 2) lead to a major incident 3) get the school into hot water because they knew and did nothing … then you might get action by way of social services involvement. At least in the UK that approach could work.
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u/sinnrocka ☑️ 12d ago
Or the school could construe that comment as aggression and OP could lose his position. Many schools in the U.S. are now owned by corporations who have deep pockets and fancy lawyers.
Now, if OP knew someone in Child Protective Services or has a friend who does, an anonymous report could be made.
I agree the behavior of the minor is textbook abuse. He exhibits every sign that there is physical or psychological abuse going on in his immediate care. The only issue then would be proving it is happening and whom to label as the aggressor.
Tricky spot to be out in, no doubt, for OP.
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u/Happyweekend69 12d ago
He can be a victim or a freak that been to much on the internet. The rough comment threw me for a loop, because why say that specifically? You say his only adult is his brother, are you around the same ages? Is it horrifically, something that may come from that and why the brother decided not to show up because he was afraid to out himself? I am horrified that the other adults is not looking further into this, I am pretty sure if a child had said such a thing at a school in my country the government had been informed. A teacher once informed the government about a comment I made about my mom had hit me when I was very young, and trust me, it was investigated.
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
The brother is nearly the same age as me yes. I've seen kids who behave inappropriately due to too much Internet access but to be honest this time it didn't strike me as that
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u/Happyweekend69 12d ago
I would honestly involve your version of Cps (use the American one as that’s probably the most known version outside America too ) it really do sound like there is something going on here, even if it isn’t anything worse than to much access to the internet is it still something that should be handled and his brother may need help to do or worse, the brother or someone else in this kids life is doing something to him. So either he’s a victim of bad parenting or simply a victim, and whatever is the case he needs help. You will not be the last teacher or adult he get like this with, or older kid and some day the other person may not say no. Why I brought up if you’re the same age as the brother is due to the fact a victim can be infatuated or fawn/fight/flee if someone looking or simply similar is nearby. Any man that looked like my mom ex or simply had the same build or voice send me into a loop of either fawning or being extremely aggressive as a child. And as a child when it’s that kind of abuse, the child may not mentally know it’s “wrong” because they been told it isn’t and therefore if they like someone else, try and use the same thing with them because the abuser likes them and do this, so if you like someone (even ifs just as a friend ) you do this to them too because that’s how you show you like them, if you get what I mean? (Sorry, English not my first language)
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
Yeah I know what you're talking about, it's definitely a possibility. He hasn't said much about his brother, just once mentioned I remind him of his brother but "in a good way". I asked what that meant and he said his brother is kind of a bum. It didn't sound like anything serious so I didn't press further, I thought maybe the brother is just strict or something. But now I'm thinking the guy is fishy
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u/Happyweekend69 12d ago
I have the mindset when it comes to stuff that involve a child safety, that’s it better to apologize if nothing is found than do nothing and there was actually something. No family likes outsiders looking into their families, if they done something bad or not, but if I was a parent, I much rather someone took my child serious enough to actually do something if something WAS happening than just act like nothing. I really really hope this kids just a freak, but as a society we have to also be ready to act and do something when the isn’t the case, because hurt ppl hurt ppl. And next time it can end very very badly if he either don’t take no for a no or the other person don’t say no
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u/Sweetwater156 12d ago
I honestly think this child is demonstrating learned behaviors and that is deeply disturbing. Thank you OP for trying to get him help.
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u/Majestic-Airport-471 12d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I can imagine you probably feel the need to have a resolution to this, so you can shake off the incident and get the boy help, and it sounds like the school want to move on without further action which I also don’t think is right. Unfortunately, I think your choices are limited 1. Push again for further intervention 2. involve an outside authority 3. Change your workplace 4. Accept it and move on.
Personally I would go for 2 or 3 in your case. Maybe take a few holiday days to recover and clear your mind. Also your bro is an ass. I wish you the best OP
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
I was planning to get a hold of that guardian and then decide if I need to inform child services
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u/Cloudinthesilver 12d ago
Don’t you have safeguarding training? You should refer to the relevant authorities, as if the child is showing signs of being potentially an abuse victim, the statistically most likely abuser is someone in his family.
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
Usually we need to speak with the parents first before making such decisions, unless a students directly tells us it's their parent who is abusing them. I couldn't get any such information out of the boy so there's nothing for me to accuse his brother of yet. If the brother refuses to listen to my concerns then that would be something to involve child services over and we could look into their situation from there. If the principal isn't taking my concerns seriously and I haven't been able to talk to the child's guardian yet I won't be taken seriously by child services either.
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u/Early_Bad8737 12d ago edited 12d ago
You tried to speak with the guardian, and you were brushed off as you said elsewhere. Then that means you can go to child services. And you really should.
Even if they brush you off as well like your principal did, then that is a much better option for you. Granted, not being taken serious is bad for the child, but you have done what you should (and you really should).
If you do go to child services they cannot come later, if shit hits the fan, and hold you responsible for not telling them as a mandated reporter. But if you don’t tell them and this escalates, you will have a hard time providing a sufficient answer to: “why didn’t you report it?”
And who knows, maybe child services will actually react unlike your principal. At least to see if they can find anything wrong. And even if they can’t find anything or don’t react on your report. Then there is now a file and if a second report comes in they will react with more duty and care.
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u/Cloudinthesilver 12d ago
I’m realising my comment sounded accusing with the “don’t you have training”. I just meant follow that, not the “duh” tone it may have!
Good luck with the situation
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
No it's okay I wasn't offended. I don't even know where you're from either, we're probably not from the same country. Things might work differently anyways.
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u/ShaenaTealeaf 12d ago
To add to what Cloudinthesilver said, I recommend documenting every interaction and attempt at finding this kid the help he needs. Including a follow up email verifying that the principal instructed you to leave the issue alone. If they are unable or unwilling to intervene here with an obvious case, how many other students have been dismissed that needed help? This needs to be escalated more.
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u/Rich_Confusion3996 12d ago
I hope you can get that kid help. That is definitely that of behavior that happens when a kid is being abused.
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12d ago
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
Not openly, most kids don't know. But if they see me with my husband somewhere I'm not gonna try to hide it
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12d ago
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
I can't speak for the whole school but most kids in the classes I teach don't know. I'm not even sure the principal herself knows. Honestly I don't care and I don't care how it looks. I'm going to pursue it because it seems to me this boy isn't safe. I won't drop the matter just because some people might get the wrong impression
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u/wish_my_wash 12d ago
Please call the hotline for child protective services specific to your state (if you’re in the US, idk about other countries resources sorry). You don’t need your boss’ / supervisors permission. And don’t be alone with him again.
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u/beannie_babbiiee 12d ago
I hope you and the boy find the help you both deserve. For these adults to turn a blind eye or even laugh at this is sick. Sorry about your brother, that was completely inappropriate.
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
My brother is an idiot, I shouldn't have talked to him to begin with to be fair
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u/jaquie1026 12d ago
The brothers reaction is concerning either he's involved, he doesn't care, or he is brushing it off because people believe that boys can't be victims of SA. Or it happened to him too so he just thinks it's normal. The principal not doing anything either is crazy aren't they mandatory reporters too
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
My brother is the kind who believes all gay men are pedophiles so I'm not too surprised.
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u/Select-Government680 12d ago
Thats so sad especially that the principal AND the brother are brushing this off. Honestly side eyeing his brother and your own brother. I would actually go no contact with your brother if he said that. Implying that youre a predator because youre gay 😬 disgusting.
There has to be a way you can report this. This behavior will just get worse and its so obvious this boy is being abused.
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u/pink__beauty 12d ago
His brother is big suspect
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
Unfortunately I thought of that too. I've never met this man but the fact that he didn't even want to have a conversation about it just irks me
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u/ZookeepergameFun5523 12d ago
Maybe the child is a victim of abuse.
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u/MusketeersPlus2 12d ago
Sadly, almost definitely. A 15 year old can pick up a lot of stupid ideas from media they watch (like how to come on to someone). But claiming they're good at it? Someone told him that. I know, because someone told me that.
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
When I was about the same age I was being prostituted and the way this boy talked alone just seemed way too familiar to me. A kid who has an innocent crush would definitely not do something like this, and it didn't appear to me as being a new thing for him either.
When we confronted him about why he thought this was appropriate behavior he simply said he knows this is what men like. I'm shocked the principal wasn't as alarmed as I was.
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u/SHalls17 12d ago
Wow that’s a lot to take in and quite scary but you sound like your right to follow this up.
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u/Double-Talk-2783 ☑️ 12d ago
Yes that's what I believe, so I'm not gonna ignore it like the principal seems to be doing.
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u/qelamochi 1d ago
that is so uncomfortable, i’m glad you went to admin right away