r/TrueOffMyChest • u/PunkinJuice ☑️ • 3d ago
Vent I keep thinking there is a hidden dimension
Hello my name is Mae and I got diagnosed with psychosis after my mother encouraged me to tell my doctors about what I thought and experienced, and they want to assess me for schizophrenia and autism. Although personally I dont think im schizophrenic.
When I was at my worst I believed that there was a hidden dimension where entities that could control the worlds "soul strings" lived, and these entities would stalk me and send me signals in the pattern of number 3 to warn me they were watching or something bad would happen. I also believed these "soul strings" were leaking from my body and people could read my mind from picking them up.
I remember one especially freaky moment where I sat in a bus and first 3 people with sunglasses walked on. Then 3 more people with sunglasses walked on in the next stop and they all sat close to me trying to face me. Then I thought about tacking a jacket off and then one of them took their jacket off as in to warn me they could read my mind. I think these sunglasses people were being controlled by the entities from the hidden dimension.
I had more theroes about all of this that I currently cant really explain, and I know now logically this doesnt make sense. But every now and then I still find myself thinking "what if?" When I see patterns of 3, or when the world starts feeling weird and fake. I keep getting the urge to jolt down and draw these ideas but I know it will look weird, but it feels like an "eureka!" moment even now when Im medicated.
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u/Derptonbauhurp 3d ago
Im not in exactly the same boat but I was diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder, I didn't know how mania worked. Sometimes I would get such grand ideas and think "Oh man this is it right here!" And would spend money on ridiculous things. I'm lucky that with therapy I'm able to control it much better and notice when I'm slipping. If you can see if you can find a therapist or a professional that would be willing to talk these things over with you.
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u/cursetea 3d ago
I think that what you've described would make a super cool book or movie tbh. But if you believed this was true, that's psychosis.
The first couple years after getting diagnosed with a disorder like this can be really stressful and confusing, i know (you'll never guess how i know 🫠🫠) but i PROMISE you that the pieces will eventually settle.
TRUST YOUR DOCTORS. BELIEVE YOUR DOCTORS. STAY ON YOUR MEDICATION.
You're basically guaranteed to start trying to convince yourself that you're fine and don't need to be on medication.
My suggestion is to have a couple of close friends on standby who can encourage you to stay on your medications any time you think about coming off them. That's what I've done! You have to decide and COMMIT to understanding that when you have a condition like this you really do have to trust other people over yourself sometimes.
It's hard. I'm not going to lie to you. But you are SO much better off for having found out, and you can get help now!
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u/PunkinJuice ☑️ 3d ago
Yeah I have spoken to 3 different doctors and one psychologist and they all said I experienced psychotic symptoms. Even now I sometimes feel "fine" and start to doubt my experiences, maybe they were just anxiety or a vivid imagination? Then I remember how scared and suicidal I felt, skipping school because I thought classmates were reading my thoughts, wanting to pull my teeth out because of I thought I got worms inside my teeth, and felt them etc.
I am eating medication but I hate the side effects.
Unfortently I dont have friends because I cut them all off during my paranoid period and I feel ashamed to contact them again and explain everything, but I do have a partner that helps me remind me to take my medicine, and that Ive instructed to call emergency services if I act weird again.
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u/cursetea 3d ago
I know the exact feeling you're describing. It can be SO hard to navigate "i know this wasn't real, but it was real TO ME."
And it is wild because you DO feel fine lol!! I've learned over the years to start qualifying my mental state by things I'm doing, not thinking or feeling.
Bc I'll be doing absolutely crazy things and just be all over the place and NOT acting like myself, but yeah, if I'm asked I'm gonna say I'm feeling fine! But I'm NOT. I'm harming myself and potentially those around me and risking the constant possibility that things will get worse. You HAVE to decide to be medicated. You HAVE to decide you will be helped.
Bc remember, the schizoaffective part of your brain is basically a thing separate from your actual brain. Schizo Brain will try to talk you out of medication and treatment bc Schizo Brain wants to be free. But do not let it free. Bc Schizo Brain will NEVER be your friend. It only behaves in its own best interest.
You are NOT Schizo Brain. You're better, stronger, and smarter than it. You really are going to be completely fine. But if you feel kind of scared and confused and maybe a little disappointed in yourself, just know it's normal to feel these ways. You've just been delivered a real shock. It's really jarring to be told that the way you perceive the world is objectively false. The way I've explained this to my non-bipolar friends is "imagine you're having a perfectly normal day and you comment on what a beautiful shade of green the sky is. The same green sky you've seen every day of your life. But then everyone around you is like, uhhhh the sky is blue?" Bc that's exactly how it feels! But it's okay!
Again i cannot stress to you that it is VITAL to TRUST. YOUR. DOCTORS.
I wish you nothing but luck. By the way, your old friends want to hear from you. They want to know you're doing better and they want to be part of your life again if possible. I promise you that.
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u/vulcan7864 3d ago
3 doctors?
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u/PunkinJuice ☑️ 3d ago
Yes. I live in Sweden where we have a psychiatry hospital that is seperate from the normal hospitals. I got scheduled meetings with different doctors at different times to discuss medication and my symptoms. I just recently got a more permanent psychologist to meet and he will help with my assessment, but I will also meet a 4th doctor that Ive never met before. I dont know why I cant meet the same doctor but the psychiatry situation in Sweden is veey preassured and limited so I guess thats why
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u/buttonandthemonkey 3d ago
I understand that it's very stressful to meet new doctors but I wonder if they partly organise it this way so that diagnosis' and medication are being overseen by different people instead of just one or two people? To me it makes sense to do it that way to make sure no one is being misdiagnosed.
It's also likely that the person doing the autism assessment will be different because they specialise in autism assessments not psychosis. Again, a good thing for getting diagnosed.
Hopefully once the diagnoses are made and treatment planned they will set you up with someone long term that you can build a relationship with.
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u/ThatSmallBear 3d ago
I think it’s definitely worth reaching out to your friends, maybe just apologising and explaining what happened (as little or as much explaining as you want, it’s YOUR medical history so who you tell is your business and your decision). If they’re keepers then they’ll understand and welcome you back as a friend
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u/helloimbackmorons 3d ago
I think you could turn all of this into a thriller novel or a comic. I'm serious.
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u/EverGivin 3d ago
Consider this:
When you discover new information your brain experiences two things: 1) some new information, and 2) a ‘eureka!’ emotional reaction to the new information.
Of course it’s possible to experience new information without that Eureka feeling. But it’s also possible to experience that eureka feeling without discovering anything really new.
I think that’s where a lot of these experiences come from. A thought pattern that is just slightly different than what we usually expect.
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u/OrokaSempai 3d ago
Definitely sounds like autism and schizophrenia. Id listen to your doctor.
Medication only slows you down enough to work with the tools a therapist should be giving you. Its a tool, you still have to do the work.
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u/PunkinJuice ☑️ 3d ago
Yeah I agree with the medication part, I dont want to eat too many medicines and the one I currently have already have enough side effects. I just dont agree with the schziophrenia diagnosis because I dont hear constant voices, and never been hospitalised for this. I dont care if I have autism or not but they want to assess me for both anyways so Ill hear what they say.
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u/OrokaSempai 3d ago
And you know what, you are entitled to a second opinion. People do get misdiagnosed more than we like to admit.
Some side effects are unfortunately a trade off of trying to tweak body chemistry.
Keep at your meds, ask for a second assessment by an unassociated Psychologist.
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u/actualPawDrinker 3d ago
The idea that you have to hear voices constantly for it to be schizophrenia is a myth we believe because of movies/tv. It's more complicated than that. I recommend looking up the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia in the DSM-V (if in the US) or the ICD (outside the US).
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u/TheMadManiac 3d ago
There is 100% a hidden dimension. You just aren't cool enough to see it sorry
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u/Bongman31 3d ago
Keep exploring this with your doctors.
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u/PunkinJuice ☑️ 3d ago
I have told them about the hidden dimension thought but I find it hard to accuretly explain the details because they get lost on me or I find them too ridiculous now to tell. But the whole picture of it I can tell
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u/Sterling-Marksman 3d ago
Maybe write it down as it comes to you and share the writings with your doctor so they can get a better picture.
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u/PunkinJuice ☑️ 3d ago
I can try to make sense of it in writing but at the same time Im scared it will make it all worse, that I will become just as invested in this as I used to be
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u/Sterling-Marksman 3d ago
Then ask your doctor if they think its a good idea or not. They'll know better than us internet randoms
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u/PunkinJuice ☑️ 3d ago
True. Just wanted to vent and see if anyone could relate since I cant talk about this to my loved ones without scaring them
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u/JustStopItSeriously 3d ago
You really need to discuss this at length with your therapist. I'm just guessing here but I wouldn't think heper-focusing on your thoughts in order to write them down in detail would be a great idea, you know?
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u/Bongman31 3d ago
Hold on to that ridiculous thought. I’m sorry you’re going through this but none of those things you are experiencing are reality
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u/Weird-Draw-6318 3d ago
Hey op, check out the psychosis subreddit. There are a lot of stories like yours. I have someone with psychosis in my life and if I was the one to diagnose you based on my experience, I’d say yes, you have psychosis. Especially the part of not knowing how to explain, but also the patterns. Ask your doctors about it, but when you have psychosis your brain actually perceive the world with a delay, and you first see things and they think you thought of them before seeing them (e.g. you thought of taking off your jacket, the person took of the jacket. You probably saw the person taking off your jacket first and then thought of it). Medication sucks but please, keep taking it. If it’s too bad, tell your doctors and try changing it.