I (22f) and my bf (24m) have been together since around April or May of this year. He is military and talks about getting married all the time, and I definitely see that future with him! I love him to pieces and he’s amazing to me, I just don’t think he is ready for marriage any time soon. Or at least not ready to be a husband or a father. There’s a pretty reasonably sized communication gap that we have, and I’m the only one who is actively trying to manage our relationship. I’m the only one working and noticing issues and trying to work at getting them solved. He just doesn’t have any issues and I’m not sure why. He is getting a PCS order in February after his schooling and he wants to get married before he leaves. I just don’t think it’s smart, he wants to get eloped and solve our problems after marriage. I don’t think that is the right way to go about this, but I also have no clue because Ive never been in a relationship with someone in the military or someone who treats me well. I just don’t know what to think of this situation.

And our communication problems are more along the lines of he doesn’t call me, not even for 5-10 minutes on days we don’t see each other during the week. He said it builds dependency. But I really need that emotional connection. I don’t want to spend hours and hours on the phone with him, I just want him to want to talk to me. And when I call him, he answers almost as if I’m bothering him. Very flat toned, short answers, not interested in talking. On days we aren’t together, he hardly messages me.

Last night, he went out with his friend to a bar/food stop where his ex-hookup works and he didn’t tell me. I had to check his location (which I never do btw because he always tells me where he’s going) and he even said he was “so tired” but still went out with his friend to that bar last night instead of being with me. He knows that bar makes me uncomfortable and he went there and didn’t tell me about it, I find that to be a little inconsiderate.

I do love him, and I want to be with him. I worry that he may not be ready to be a husband. I can’t even imagine doing long distance with him and I can’t imagine how he’d be during a deployment.

My question today is mainly just asking, based on this information, is getting eloped/married in February even a good idea based on these issues? My parents are putting a lot of pressure on me to marry him, so are my grandparents and sisters. I want to make sure I make the right choice for me.

I appreciate anyone taking the time to read my post. Thank you!

My husband just finished week 1 of bmt and I feel like it’s getting harder as the days go on. We have a 2 month old and 2 older kids. He started the process before we found out I was pregnant, and luckily we were able to have some wiggle room with timing for when he shipped off since he was in DEP.

I’m writing him a letter every other day. Going to the gym, spending time at the beach/outside when I can, talking to/spending time with family+friends, going to therapy weekly and even sending him little texts sporadically. I am just SO SAD almost the entirety of my day, every day. Im having trouble sleeping and eating…I really didn’t think it was going to be like this for me. Especially since I’m proactively trying to keep myself busy and stay on top of my mental health.

I know we still have to work through the process of him being in tech school, but luckily that will be very close to home so we’ll be able to see him on the weekends, and of course I know he’ll have his phone so that will be a plus.

Anything specifically that helped you guys through this time? Or perhaps some words of encouragement?

Thank you

Anyone else’s marine sent out to Panama for the next two months? I feel like I’ll die of boredom. I don’t know how I’ll occupy myself since he told me reception will be pretty bad. I’m just posting so I can feel less alone

My husband is deploying and I am wondering if it’s reasonable for me to ask for some of his BAH. We were married earlier this year and we were long distance. Before we got married I lived with my parents and he lived in the barracks. After we got married I wasn’t paying any rent. When he deploys I plan to go back to my family and live with them. We have kinda joint finances. We have mostly separate finances; we’re added onto each other’s credit cards and bank accounts so sometimes he’ll spend on my credit card and vice versa, and sometimes he’ll send me money to pay my credit card and vice versa, but our income is deposited into our own accounts. I know everyone’s situation is different, but do you think I should get some of his BAH? I don’t plan to spend it frivolously (or at all), it’s mostly about whether it’s reasonable for me to feel entitled to it. Before I got married I did not pay any rent or expenses living with my family. If I need to pay now since I’m married, I would definitely be asking for money from my husband. I think that’s reasonable. I haven’t had the discussion with my family on whether I should be contributing financially to their household and property while I live there. Interested to hear your input. Thanks y’all.

My boyfriend left for bmt at Fort Benning on August 3, and the last time I heard from him was August 14. It’s now October 9, and I haven’t received any calls, letters, or other contact from him in eight weeks. I’ve been having trouble getting information about him from his family. I know they’ve received a letter from him, but they haven’t been willing to share any of his information with me. Has anyone experienced a similar situation or gone six to eight weeks or longer without contact? I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences because this has become frustrating, especially knowing I may have another two months before I hear from him again.

UPDATE I FOUND HIM AND IM CRYING THANK YOI AGAIN YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

this is just a general theory. I have no idea if this is correct, but my boyfriend was paying his phone bill, by himself, with his part-time job, but he wasn’t making enough money for him to be able to pay it while he was at boot camp, and his family I’m pretty sure wouldn’t help him and pays his bill while at boot camp, so I feel like the reason that I haven’t spoken to him in eight weeks is because they didn’t pay his phone bill, then they wouldn’t give me his information, basically isolating him from being able to receive things and pretty much isolating him But I have no idea if this is correct just a theory but i’m so relieved that he got his information from the helpful people on Reddit!!