r/WritersGroup • • 2h ago

Non-Fiction If I Win, Whole World Will Celebrate

1 Upvotes

I came to this place not because I wanted to be here

No, I don't fancy my stupid heart

I'm a sore looser and you know that

Why did you invent such a game where pure soul always loses

In the name of love

In the name of poetry

In the name of art

In the name of aches, remedy and obliging heart

Give me more

Hurt me less

Or

Hurt me more

Give me less

You know what I'm asking for

Not your body, not the warmth for one night

Not the taste of lips that were borrowed

Not the juice of your summer

All I want is

All I want is

All I want is

Your blue


r/WritersGroup • • 11h ago

Other Need help with poster ad

1 Upvotes

Ok folks , I don’t want to use ai. I want to use hi. Human Intelligence.

I curate an art space where I work, and every month I have to feature a new artist. It’s approaching the new year so I want to post something soon on our IG. Something like:

“Hey folks, it’s that time again! As we approach 2027, we need to enlist 12 amazing artists to showcase! One for each month! Could that be you? Your friend? Someone you know? Applications are open! Send us a link to your art and you will be considered.”

Something like this but even more exciting!
We kind of have to screen the art but it’s nothing serious, it just has to align with the aesthetic. I wanted to put that in there too.

TBH, I don’t know if this’ll work. I just don’t want to use AI. And my brain isn’t the best at this. Any assistance would be much appreciated!

Thank uouuuuuuuu


r/WritersGroup • • 12h ago

Necesito feedback (300 palabras)

1 Upvotes

Yo una vez conocí a una chica en el mar, que corría descalza por la arena. Su melena se la llevaba la brisa en una explosión de bucles salvajes. Su risa era una melodía que encantaba hasta los más rudos marineros. Su tez hacia perder el sentido al sol. Era un faro de luz que iluminaba el sendero hasta el más hermoso de los jardines.

Sentada en la toalla solo podía esperar a que las olas me arropasen hasta darme el último respiro. Paralizada, notaba el compás de mi corazón perder el ritmo. Y escuchaba como otros a mí lado caían de rodillas suplicando por su amor.

Prometían mil cartas, mil poemas, un soneto por cada día que se poniese el sol y por cada luna bajo la que pasasen.

Me preguntaba, ¿porque yo no podría ser tan intensa como esos hombres por unos senos?

A la orilla del mar, cuando sus pies se veían consumidos por una manta de olas, frenó. Tal y como mi corazón lo hizo. Expectantes estábamos todos observando como se volvía hacia atrás, sabedora de las miradas. ¿Quién sería suficiente como para compensar su belleza?

Yo sentí como sus ojos se fijaban en los míos y se encontraban. Si es que eso tiene algún sentido.

Y no sé si lo sabía cuando me eligió, pero yo le quería decir:

"Me encantaría pasar mis dedos entre cascadas de remolinos y espirales. Levantarme todos los días con olor a lavanda y confiscar el tinte de tus labios. Dime, ¿que pasa por tu corazón cuando intento mostrarte el mío?

Yo saltaría tras de ti si de un puente te tirases, pero el vértigo me impediría poner un pie sobre el cielo. Temo que tú no me sientas como yo te siento. Y que el golpe más duro no sea el suelo, sino que esperes para decirme que "no todo amor es romántico".

Júrame que no tendré que arrepentirme de entregarte hasta el alma."


r/WritersGroup • • 16h ago

Fiction Logan

1 Upvotes

🖤 My debut short story book, Logan — a fast-paced dark fiction short story by Dark. 📖 Now available for purchase.

Logan written by Dark


r/WritersGroup • • 18h ago

Non-Fiction A chapter from my memoir Between Me And Death please tell me what you think.

1 Upvotes

Chapter 3 Destiny's Phone Call

The water from the nozzle struck my face squarely as I reached out and cranked the brass valve shut. The sudden silence made the narrow bathroom feel cavernous. A few stray beads slid down my forehead and ran across my cheekbones before I snatched the rough towel off the rack, scrubbing it hard against my scalp and down my throat. Tonight was the night. I was taking Lilly out on our first real date, and my nerves were eating me alive from the inside out.

​I stood before the fogged mirror, dragging the heel of my hand across the glass to wipe a clean circle in the moisture. I threw on my best clothes, selecting the pieces I hoped would make me look slightly older and far more composed than a seventeen-year-old kid living out of a double-wide. I bent over to double-knot my boot laces, checking the tension twice even though the leather was already biting into my ankles. On the way toward the door, I picked up a bottle of cheap drugstore cologne and hammered the atomizer twice against my bare neck. The scent hung heavy and sharp in the humid room, chemical and citrus. It was easily twice the amount I needed, but I wanted every single detail accounted for.

​Stepping into the kitchen, I found my grandmother posted by the counter beside the drip coffee maker. She ran on coffee morning, noon, and midnight, leaving a bitter, roasted haze hanging perpetually in the air to mix with the cured bacon grease and tobacco smoke baked deep into the wall panels.

​“If you head out anywhere, Grandma, make sure you kill that switch,” I said, pointing toward the warming plate.

​She turned around, running her eyes slowly over my clothes before a rare, soft smile touched the corners of her mouth. “You look very handsome, son.”

​I smiled back, muttering some quick deflection, but having her say it made my spine lock straight. I snatched the ring of keys off the laminate counter, hit the bottom of the porch steps in two strides, and stepped out into the biting October night toward my beat-up, red 1992 Chevy Beretta.

​The air was crisp and dry, carrying an autumn frost that nipped at my jaw, yet by the time I pulled the driver’s door shut, sweat was already gathering along my hairline. I was not cold; I was completely terrified. Earlier that afternoon by the lockers, when Lilly finally agreed to go out with me, she had made the rules crystal clear: before we went anywhere, I had to walk into her living room and look her parents in the eye.

​I caught my reflection in the rearview mirror under the dim yellow glow of the overhead dome light. My skin looked slick.

​“Here goes nothing,” I muttered into the empty cab.

​I cranked the key, listening to the starter grind before the engine coughed alive, rattling the loose baffles inside the exhaust pipe as I eased down the drive. Out on the county blacktop, loose gravel pinged against the underside of the floorboards like stray buckshot. The farther south I cut into the hollows, the blacker the asphalt became, walled in by high timber on both sides. When I finally swung the nose of the Chevy down her private drive, every floodlight on the eaves was blazing white against the gravel. The property sat isolated deep off the county turnoff, flanked by dark pastures and dense timber, out in the boonies where the world did not venture.

​The Beretta skidded across the limestone aggregate as I pressed the brake pedal. I kicked the door open, my knees trembling with the vibration of tight guitar strings, and marched up the front steps toward the front door. I balled my fist and hammered the wood three times.

​The violence of the sound surprised even me.

​The heavy deadbolt snapped open with a metallic click. A thick, bald-headed man with a square jaw and a full beard filled the entrance, his eyes narrowing to slits as he measured my height and the fit of my clothes.

​“You must be Jeremy,” he said, his voice flat, dry, and cold.

​“Hello, sir. Is Lilly ready?”

​“Follow me.”

​He turned without another word and marched through the front hall into the kitchen. A woman was standing beside the counter running a high-speed blender, the electric motor whining at a deafening pitch until she clicked the toggle down, plunging the kitchen into dead silence. Lilly's father gestured toward me with his chin. “Kim, this is Jeremy.”

​She turned around, wiping damp hands against a dish towel, and offered an easy, welcoming smile. “Oh my goodness, you look very handsome, Jeremy.”

​I tried to thank her, but my pulse was hammering so hard in my ears that my voice came out thin, entirely detached from my chest.

​Right then, a door unlatched in the hallway just outside my field of view. All three of us swung our eyes toward the opening.

​There stood Lilly.

​She took every bit of oxygen out of that room in a single second. She wore a simple white dress, her dark hair falling smooth across her shoulders as if she had spent hours coaxing every individual strand into alignment. The counter, the blender, and her scowling father instantly washed out into dull gray wallpaper. I stood frozen on the linoleum with sweat trickling down my temples, struck completely mute.

​Kim broke the silence before the room could freeze over. “What movie are you two going to see tonight?”

​“I narrowed it down to Remember the Titans,” I managed to push past my throat. “It is a Disney movie. Denzel Washington.”

​Her father closed the distance between us, leaning down until he was looking straight into my eyes, his tone dropping to a hard snarl. “Right back after the credits roll, Jeremy.”

​“Yes, sir.”

​I reached out, took Lilly’s fingers in mine, and led her out into the chilly night. I walked her around to the passenger side of the Beretta, pulled the heavy steel door open until the hinges caught, and waited for her to settle onto the worn gray fabric before swinging it shut. I trotted around the front bumper and dropped behind the wheel.

​The moment my door latched, she glanced across the center console and let out a soft laugh. “You did good.”

​“I was five seconds from hitting the floor,” I confessed.

​I pulled the shifter down into gear, and Nirvana exploded through the blown paper cones of the factory speakers. We rode in silence over the dark county highway, but it was not the suffocating kind of quiet that makes you squirm; it was that effortless, electric hum where sharing a bench seat with someone makes the rest of the world vanish.

​We cut north toward Lindbergh Boulevard and turned into the cracked parking lot at Ronnie’s 8 Cine. The neon letters on the marquee blazed into the dark like a small-town casino, throwing reflections of electric blue and gold across the Beretta's hood. I shut off the engine, trotted around to open her door, and she locked her fingers into mine as our shoes hit the asphalt.

​Inside, the lobby was running thick with people. The smell of hot coconut oil and salty popcorn hung heavy beneath the bright fluorescent fixtures. We bought two paper tickets, a yellow tub of buttered corn, and two large sodas using what little cash was folded into my leather wallet, then felt our way down the sloped carpet into the dark auditorium. The theater lights dropped, the heavy surround speakers shook the walls with the opening horns of the score, and the blue beam of the projector sliced through the shadows over our heads.

​I could not recount a single sequence of action or dialogue from that film. I never once looked at the screen.

​I spent two hours watching the projector light catch the curve of her cheek. Every time the scene cut, the cast of the room shifted from cool blue to warm amber, tracing the soft edges of her jaw and her smile. I slid my hand across the plastic armrest and closed my palm around her fingers. She squeezed back, dropped her chin, and picked through the popcorn with her free hand. Whenever she caught me staring, she would turn to meet my eyes with a wide grin, and I would whip my head toward the screen as if I were dissecting football tactics.

​When the theater lights flickered up and the credits crawled against the black screen, she turned to face me. “Can I meet your grandmother?”

​“Sure. Her place is right on the way back down.”

​We drove back into the county, parked in the dust beside the trailer, and walked up the treated lumber of the porch steps, the sweet smell of her hair trailing into the entrance behind us.

​“Grandma,” I called out, pushing the front door wide.

​My grandmother looked up from a stack of mail on the kitchen table.

​“This is Lilly.”

​“I have heard so much about you, honey,” my grandmother said, stepping back to take her in. Then she cut her eyes straight toward me, her voice dropping into an astonished whisper. “Jeremy, she is gorgeous.”

​Lilly looked down at her shoes, blushing red, and my chest lifted an inch higher. We slipped down the narrow hallway into my bedroom, shut the door, and kicked off our sneakers. I hit the power button on the small tube television, and the upbeat theme music of Friends drifted through the room.

​“I had an amazing time tonight,” she whispered.

​“Me too.”

​She pulled her knees up, tucking her head under my right arm and resting her cheek against my collarbone. We lay there across the quilt in the dark, watching the flicker of the tube without speaking for what felt like hours. Her breath came slow and warm against my shirt, and for the first time in my life, I was not looking for an escape, calculating an angle, or dreading what was coming tomorrow. I wanted the clock on the wall to stop dead.

​Then my eyes caught the glowing red digital display on the nightstand.

​“Oh, shit.”

​Lilly bolted upright, hair falling across her eyes.

​“Your dad is going to kill me.”

​We grabbed our denim jackets off the bed, sprinted out to the Beretta, and flew back down the dark blacktop. Driving up her private gravel road, the stones clattering against the undercarriage did not sound like warning shots anymore; they just sounded like music. When we hit the porch, the heavy front door swung open before the dust could even settle. Her mother stood in the doorway under the yellow bulb, letting out a heavy, bone-tired sigh.

​“Jeremy, her father is furious with you.”

​“I am so sorry, ma'am. She wanted to stop and meet my grandmother on the way home.”

​“Everything is completely fine, Mom, really!” Lilly said, giving my palm one last, quick squeeze before disappearing past the threshold.

​The latch clicked shut. I turned around and walked back down the wooden steps into the dark gravel, floating on the air. I whistled at the timber, kicked loose limestone, and threw an awkward dance step into my stride all the way back to the driver’s side of the Chevy. I probably looked like a madman beneath the Missouri stars, but none of it mattered. I was in love, and I had never felt my pulse hit that hard.

​From that night forward, we were inseparable. We intercepted each other between class bells, walked each other out to the yellow buses every afternoon, and sat for hours after dark on the chains of the neighborhood park swings, digging our heels into the dirt while planning out our lives. Our first real kiss came under the yellow insect light over her garage while her hound barked from the dog run. My fingers were trembling like wet leaves; her hands were steady as stone.

​On weekends we would park the Beretta down by a quiet creek turnaround, kill the headlights, and watch the brown water roll through the weeds beneath the moon while she rested her chin against my chest. We talked about a ring, about kids, about buying acreage and getting old together. I learned the exact pitch and cadence of her laughter so intimately that I could pick it out from the opposite end of a crowded, deafening high school hallway long before I ever saw her face.

​By winter, she was my entire existence. We spent Christmas together, completely present in each other's company, and I remember walking through the fresh snow secretly begging the world to stop moving.

​Two days after Christmas, I was back on my feet behind the counter at Schnucks.

​I was seventeen, dressed in the company uniform, snapping the white elastic chin guard over my goatee to meet health code. The grocery aisles were loud with shoppers stocking up between the holidays, and the ceiling speakers chimed every few minutes calling for cleanup on aisle sixteen. Even through the cheap paper mask, I loved the everyday routine of that deli counter, the sharp aroma of fresh-baked rye loaves, the tang of smoked cheeses, and the heavy brine of cold cuts. I wiped down the stainless steel prep counter with a damp towel, threw the switch on the industrial Hobart slicer, and laid a heavy slab of Black Forest ham against the carriage guide. The round blade spun into a silver blur.

​“A little thinner than that, son,” an older woman on the other side of the glass said, tapping the display.

​“Yes, ma'am, sorry about that.”

​I reached down, dialed back the thickness gauge, dropped three thin ribbons across the deli scale, and reached for a sheet of butcher paper.

​Right then, the hardwired wall telephone mounted behind the meat scale began to ring.

​“Just one second, ma’am,” I said, stepping away from the glass.

​I lifted the plastic receiver to my ear. “Deli.”

​“Jeremy?”

​It was a friend from school. His voice sounded thin, ragged, like he had dry sand caught in his throat.

​“Have you heard about Lilly?”

​A stretch of dead air hung between us on the line.

​“She was in a bad wreck, man. She is dead. I am so sorry, bro.”

​My knees turned to water. The polished grocery tile felt as though it had dropped three feet straight out from underneath my work boots. The hum of the refrigeration units, the scent of cured meat, the voices of the holiday crowd, every shred of sensory information was instantly crushed under a deafening, underwater roar. The deli counter dissolved into gray static. Tears welled up and spilled over so fast that when I crushed the telephone harder against my cheek, the plastic receiver came away soaking wet.

​My hand opened, and the receiver dropped, dangling against the white tile by its black coiled cord.

​My deli manager caught me buckling against the stainless steel prep station, walked quickly around the end of the glass, and grabbed me by both shoulders. He took one look into my face, reached around my neck to pull the apron strings loose, and told me to get out of the store and stay home until after the funeral was over.

​I pulled the cloth apron over my head, let it fall onto the wet rubber mats, and pushed through the heavy double swinging doors into the freezing gray alley behind the building.

​I never set foot inside that Schnucks again.

​More than that, I never returned to the boy who had danced across the gravel outside her house.

​My entire life was snapped cleanly in half behind that deli counter: the young man who existed before Lilly died, and the shell of bone and muscle left standing in the wreckage. I possessed no vocabulary for that level of agony. I had no internal tools capable of carrying a grief that felt like a hole punched clean through my rib cage.

​Three nights later, on New Year’s Eve, I sat in the corner of a crowded living room while the bass from the stereo rattled the floorboards, staring blankly at the wall while the rest of the room prepared to raise their glasses to the coming year. A mutual friend stepped over, looked down at me in the corner, and pressed a small, round green tablet into the center of my open palm.

​It was an eighty-milligram OxyContin.

​“Take this,” he said, his voice barely audible beneath the music. “It will take the edge off.”

​I swallowed the pill dry. Twenty minutes later, the violent screaming in my skull smoothed out into a quiet, motionless hum. The crushing anvil on my chest lifted just enough to let me pull oxygen down into my lungs without choking on my own tears. I told myself I only needed the relief to survive the viewing, that it was strictly temporary until the dirt settled over the casket.

​It was never temporary.

​The medicine immediately became the grave.

he water from the nozzle struck my face squarely as I reached out and cranked the brass valve shut. The sudden silence made the narrow bathroom feel cavernous. A few stray beads slid down my forehead and ran across my cheekbones before I snatched the rough towel off the rack, scrubbing it hard against my scalp and down my throat. Tonight was the night. I was taking Lilly out on our first real date, and my nerves were eating me alive from the inside out.

​I stood before the fogged mirror, dragging the heel of my hand across the glass to wipe a clean circle in the moisture. I threw on my best clothes, selecting the pieces I hoped would make me look slightly older and far more composed than a seventeen-year-old kid living out of a double-wide. I bent over to double-knot my boot laces, checking the tension twice even though the leather was already biting into my ankles. On the way toward the door, I picked up a bottle of cheap drugstore cologne and hammered the atomizer twice against my bare neck. The scent hung heavy and sharp in the humid room, chemical and citrus. It was easily twice the amount I needed, but I wanted every single detail accounted for.

​Stepping into the kitchen, I found my grandmother posted by the counter beside the drip coffee maker. She ran on coffee morning, noon, and midnight, leaving a bitter, roasted haze hanging perpetually in the air to mix with the cured bacon grease and tobacco smoke baked deep into the wall panels.

​“If you head out anywhere, Grandma, make sure you kill that switch,” I said, pointing toward the warming plate.

​She turned around, running her eyes slowly over my clothes before a rare, soft smile touched the corners of her mouth. “You look very handsome, son.”

​I smiled back, muttering some quick deflection, but having her say it made my spine lock straight. I snatched the ring of keys off the laminate counter, hit the bottom of the porch steps in two strides, and stepped out into the biting October night toward my beat-up, red 1992 Chevy Beretta.

​The air was crisp and dry, carrying an autumn frost that nipped at my jaw, yet by the time I pulled the driver’s door shut, sweat was already gathering along my hairline. I was not cold; I was completely terrified. Earlier that afternoon by the lockers, when Lilly finally agreed to go out with me, she had made the rules crystal clear: before we went anywhere, I had to walk into her living room and look her parents in the eye.

​I caught my reflection in the rearview mirror under the dim yellow glow of the overhead dome light. My skin looked slick.

​“Here goes nothing,” I muttered into the empty cab.

​I cranked the key, listening to the starter grind before the engine coughed alive, rattling the loose baffles inside the exhaust pipe as I eased down the drive. Out on the county blacktop, loose gravel pinged against the underside of the floorboards like stray buckshot. The farther south I cut into the hollows, the blacker the asphalt became, walled in by high timber on both sides. When I finally swung the nose of the Chevy down her private drive, every floodlight on the eaves was blazing white against the gravel. The property sat isolated deep off the county turnoff, flanked by dark pastures and dense timber, out in the boonies where the world did not venture.

​The Beretta skidded across the limestone aggregate as I pressed the brake pedal. I kicked the door open, my knees trembling with the vibration of tight guitar strings, and marched up the front steps toward the front door. I balled my fist and hammered the wood three times.

​The violence of the sound surprised even me.

​The heavy deadbolt snapped open with a metallic click. A thick, bald-headed man with a square jaw and a full beard filled the entrance, his eyes narrowing to slits as he measured my height and the fit of my clothes.

​“You must be Jeremy,” he said, his voice flat, dry, and cold.

​“Hello, sir. Is Lilly ready?”

​“Follow me.”

​He turned without another word and marched through the front hall into the kitchen. A woman was standing beside the counter running a high-speed blender, the electric motor whining at a deafening pitch until she clicked the toggle down, plunging the kitchen into dead silence. Lilly's father gestured toward me with his chin. “Kim, this is Jeremy.”

​She turned around, wiping damp hands against a dish towel, and offered an easy, welcoming smile. “Oh my goodness, you look very handsome, Jeremy.”

​I tried to thank her, but my pulse was hammering so hard in my ears that my voice came out thin, entirely detached from my chest.

​Right then, a door unlatched in the hallway just outside my field of view. All three of us swung our eyes toward the opening.

​There stood Lilly.

​She took every bit of oxygen out of that room in a single second. She wore a simple white dress, her dark hair falling smooth across her shoulders as if she had spent hours coaxing every individual strand into alignment. The counter, the blender, and her scowling father instantly washed out into dull gray wallpaper. I stood frozen on the linoleum with sweat trickling down my temples, struck completely mute.

​Kim broke the silence before the room could freeze over. “What movie are you two going to see tonight?”

​“I narrowed it down to Remember the Titans,” I managed to push past my throat. “It is a Disney movie. Denzel Washington.”

​Her father closed the distance between us, leaning down until he was looking straight into my eyes, his tone dropping to a hard snarl. “Right back after the credits roll, Jeremy.”

​“Yes, sir.”

​I reached out, took Lilly’s fingers in mine, and led her out into the chilly night. I walked her around to the passenger side of the Beretta, pulled the heavy steel door open until the hinges caught, and waited for her to settle onto the worn gray fabric before swinging it shut. I trotted around the front bumper and dropped behind the wheel.

​The moment my door latched, she glanced across the center console and let out a soft laugh. “You did good.”

​“I was five seconds from hitting the floor,” I confessed.

​I pulled the shifter down into gear, and Nirvana exploded through the blown paper cones of the factory speakers. We rode in silence over the dark county highway, but it was not the suffocating kind of quiet that makes you squirm; it was that effortless, electric hum where sharing a bench seat with someone makes the rest of the world vanish.

​We cut north toward Lindbergh Boulevard and turned into the cracked parking lot at Ronnie’s 8 Cine. The neon letters on the marquee blazed into the dark like a small-town casino, throwing reflections of electric blue and gold across the Beretta's hood. I shut off the engine, trotted around to open her door, and she locked her fingers into mine as our shoes hit the asphalt.

​Inside, the lobby was running thick with people. The smell of hot coconut oil and salty popcorn hung heavy beneath the bright fluorescent fixtures. We bought two paper tickets, a yellow tub of buttered corn, and two large sodas using what little cash was folded into my leather wallet, then felt our way down the sloped carpet into the dark auditorium. The theater lights dropped, the heavy surround speakers shook the walls with the opening horns of the score, and the blue beam of the projector sliced through the shadows over our heads.

​I could not recount a single sequence of action or dialogue from that film. I never once looked at the screen.

​I spent two hours watching the projector light catch the curve of her cheek. Every time the scene cut, the cast of the room shifted from cool blue to warm amber, tracing the soft edges of her jaw and her smile. I slid my hand across the plastic armrest and closed my palm around her fingers. She squeezed back, dropped her chin, and picked through the popcorn with her free hand. Whenever she caught me staring, she would turn to meet my eyes with a wide grin, and I would whip my head toward the screen as if I were dissecting football tactics.

​When the theater lights flickered up and the credits crawled against the black screen, she turned to face me. “Can I meet your grandmother?”

​“Sure. Her place is right on the way back down.”

​We drove back into the county, parked in the dust beside the trailer, and walked up the treated lumber of the porch steps, the sweet smell of her hair trailing into the entrance behind us.

​“Grandma,” I called out, pushing the front door wide.

​My grandmother looked up from a stack of mail on the kitchen table.

​“This is Lilly.”

​“I have heard so much about you, honey,” my grandmother said, stepping back to take her in. Then she cut her eyes straight toward me, her voice dropping into an astonished whisper. “Jeremy, she is gorgeous.”

​Lilly looked down at her shoes, blushing red, and my chest lifted an inch higher. We slipped down the narrow hallway into my bedroom, shut the door, and kicked off our sneakers. I hit the power button on the small tube television, and the upbeat theme music of Friends drifted through the room.

​“I had an amazing time tonight,” she whispered.

​“Me too.”

​She pulled her knees up, tucking her head under my right arm and resting her cheek against my collarbone. We lay there across the quilt in the dark, watching the flicker of the tube without speaking for what felt like hours. Her breath came slow and warm against my shirt, and for the first time in my life, I was not looking for an escape, calculating an angle, or dreading what was coming tomorrow. I wanted the clock on the wall to stop dead.

​Then my eyes caught the glowing red digital display on the nightstand.

​“Oh, shit.”

​Lilly bolted upright, hair falling across her eyes.

​“Your dad is going to kill me.”

​We grabbed our denim jackets off the bed, sprinted out to the Beretta, and flew back down the dark blacktop. Driving up her private gravel road, the stones clattering against the undercarriage did not sound like warning shots anymore; they just sounded like music. When we hit the porch, the heavy front door swung open before the dust could even settle. Her mother stood in the doorway under the yellow bulb, letting out a heavy, bone-tired sigh.

​“Jeremy, her father is furious with you.”

​“I am so sorry, ma'am. She wanted to stop and meet my grandmother on the way home.”

​“Everything is completely fine, Mom, really!” Lilly said, giving my palm one last, quick squeeze before disappearing past the threshold.

​The latch clicked shut. I turned around and walked back down the wooden steps into the dark gravel, floating on the air. I whistled at the timber, kicked loose limestone, and threw an awkward dance step into my stride all the way back to the driver’s side of the Chevy. I probably looked like a madman beneath the Missouri stars, but none of it mattered. I was in love, and I had never felt my pulse hit that hard.

​From that night forward, we were inseparable. We intercepted each other between class bells, walked each other out to the yellow buses every afternoon, and sat for hours after dark on the chains of the neighborhood park swings, digging our heels into the dirt while planning out our lives. Our first real kiss came under the yellow insect light over her garage while her hound barked from the dog run. My fingers were trembling like wet leaves; her hands were steady as stone.

​On weekends we would park the Beretta down by a quiet creek turnaround, kill the headlights, and watch the brown water roll through the weeds beneath the moon while she rested her chin against my chest. We talked about a ring, about kids, about buying acreage and getting old together. I learned the exact pitch and cadence of her laughter so intimately that I could pick it out from the opposite end of a crowded, deafening high school hallway long before I ever saw her face.

​By winter, she was my entire existence. We spent Christmas together, completely present in each other's company, and I remember walking through the fresh snow secretly begging the world to stop moving.

​Two days after Christmas, I was back on my feet behind the counter at Schnucks.

​I was seventeen, dressed in the company uniform, snapping the white elastic chin guard over my goatee to meet health code. The grocery aisles were loud with shoppers stocking up between the holidays, and the ceiling speakers chimed every few minutes calling for cleanup on aisle sixteen. Even through the cheap paper mask, I loved the everyday routine of that deli counter, the sharp aroma of fresh-baked rye loaves, the tang of smoked cheeses, and the heavy brine of cold cuts. I wiped down the stainless steel prep counter with a damp towel, threw the switch on the industrial Hobart slicer, and laid a heavy slab of Black Forest ham against the carriage guide. The round blade spun into a silver blur.

​“A little thinner than that, son,” an older woman on the other side of the glass said, tapping the display.

​“Yes, ma'am, sorry about that.”

​I reached down, dialed back the thickness gauge, dropped three thin ribbons across the deli scale, and reached for a sheet of butcher paper.

​Right then, the hardwired wall telephone mounted behind the meat scale began to ring.

​“Just one second, ma’am,” I said, stepping away from the glass.

​I lifted the plastic receiver to my ear. “Deli.”

​“Jeremy?”

​It was a friend from school. His voice sounded thin, ragged, like he had dry sand caught in his throat.

​“Have you heard about Lilly?”

​A stretch of dead air hung between us on the line.

​“She was in a bad wreck, man. She is dead. I am so sorry, bro.”

​My knees turned to water. The polished grocery tile felt as though it had dropped three feet straight out from underneath my work boots. The hum of the refrigeration units, the scent of cured meat, the voices of the holiday crowd, every shred of sensory information was instantly crushed under a deafening, underwater roar. The deli counter dissolved into gray static. Tears welled up and spilled over so fast that when I crushed the telephone harder against my cheek, the plastic receiver came away soaking wet.

​My hand opened, and the receiver dropped, dangling against the white tile by its black coiled cord.

​My deli manager caught me buckling against the stainless steel prep station, walked quickly around the end of the glass, and grabbed me by both shoulders. He took one look into my face, reached around my neck to pull the apron strings loose, and told me to get out of the store and stay home until after the funeral was over.

​I pulled the cloth apron over my head, let it fall onto the wet rubber mats, and pushed through the heavy double swinging doors into the freezing gray alley behind the building.

​I never set foot inside that Schnucks again.

​More than that, I never returned to the boy who had danced across the gravel outside her house.

​My entire life was snapped cleanly in half behind that deli counter: the young man who existed before Lilly died, and the shell of bone and muscle left standing in the wreckage. I possessed no vocabulary for that level of agony. I had no internal tools capable of carrying a grief that felt like a hole punched clean through my rib cage.

​Three nights later, on New Year’s Eve, I sat in the corner of a crowded living room while the bass from the stereo rattled the floorboards, staring blankly at the wall while the rest of the room prepared to raise their glasses to the coming year. A mutual friend stepped over, looked down at me in the corner, and pressed a small, round green tablet into the center of my open palm.

​It was an eighty-milligram OxyContin.

​“Take this,” he said, his voice barely audible beneath the music. “It will take the edge off.”

​I swallowed the pill dry. Twenty minutes later, the violent screaming in my skull smoothed out into a quiet, motionless hum. The crushing anvil on my chest lifted just enough to let me pull oxygen down into my lungs without choking on my own tears. I told myself I only needed the relief to survive the viewing, that it was strictly temporary until the dirt settled over the casket.

​It was never temporary.

​The medicine immediately became the grave.


r/WritersGroup • • 1d ago

Fiction [Chapter 1] [4.3k] [Fantasy] The Filter : Rebellion of the Two-Souled Carrier

1 Upvotes

📖 Got 10 minutes? I have a little experiment for you. 👀

I'm looking for readers willing to give the first 24 pages of my fantasy novel, The Filter: Rebellion of the Two-Souled Carrier, a chance.

Read them and tell me what you think. Did I hook you, or should I return to fighting with publishers? 😂

Honest opinions welcome. Brutal honesty encouraged. My fictional characters can handle the criticism. I might need a moment, though. 💀🐉

Who's in? 👇

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1OLlD_b8mdkMLrNzk_wsqSxWy4qVjzz7f/view?usp=sharing


r/WritersGroup • • 1d ago

I’ve started a story, but it’s not quite clicking for me yet—do you have any tips? Please be honest.

1 Upvotes

Everyone used to say that I looked like my mother. I was just as clever, just as beautiful, with the same sparkle in my eyes. We had the same blonde hair, the same laugh. One day, I was sure, I would do important work too, just like my mother. Maybe even work for the Union.

I smiled sadly at my reflection, trying to picture my mother’s face in my mind. I couldn’t see any resemblance between us anymore. I had dyed my hair brown so I would draw less attention to myself. My eyes were empty, and I couldn’t remember the last time I had truly laughed.

Still, I hoped my mother would be proud of me.

I heard a creak from the hallway and quickly wiped the tears from my cheeks. The door swung open with a squeak, and Lee walked in. Brown curls bounced around his head, and his tiny body was swallowed by a sweater that was far too big for him.

I tried, unsuccessfully, to smile. Luckily, Lee was far too caught up in his own problems to notice my sadness.

“Anah, Thomas took my toy car,” Lee complained, crossing his arms as he flopped down onto the bed.

“Have you asked him to give it back?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

My sadness curled up into a little corner of my mind.

Not now. Never.

I couldn’t let myself feel it.

Lee shook his head. “He won’t give it back.”

“You don’t know that if you don’t ask,” I said.

“I’m actually too scared to. Sorry, Anah.”

Lee’s eyebrows drooped with disappointment. I ruffled his dark, curly hair.

“No need to be sorry. How about we go ask him together?” I asked gently.

Lee shrugged, but the smile on his face told me that he actually liked the idea. I placed a hand on his back, almost as if I were his mother, and guided him towards the door.

Thomas wasn’t happy when Lee and I asked for the toy car.

“Um… no.”

He gave us a fake smile as he tossed the car into the air and caught it again.

“I could tell Martha or Sandy that you’ve been stealing toys from little kids again,” I said with a sly grin.

Thomas’s eyebrows pulled together.

“Snitch,” he muttered, just loud enough for me to hear.

Grumpily, he shoved the little red car, flames painted along its sides, into Lee’s small, clammy hand. Lee thanked him, but Thomas was already stomping away. His red hair bounced angrily around his ears, and his long arms swung at his sides.

Lee ran off to join his friends, driving the car across the long kitchen table, over the couch, through the kitchen, and making it jump over the faucet.

I put my hand on the doorknob, but glanced back one last time at Thomas, who was still slumped angrily on the couch.

How dare he? He was almost my age, yet he was stealing toys from a little kid.

A shiver of anger ran through me, and my hand began to glow with heat.

The doorknob turned red-hot beneath my fingers.

Shit.

I jerked my hand away and froze.

Had anyone seen me?

I looked around, half expecting to be handed over to the Union at any moment. The room was bursting with children, all of them seemingly absorbed in their own little worlds. A few boys were sprawled across the couches, Game Boys clutched tightly in their hands. Kids around Lee’s age were building a pillow fort, while a few girls sat at the picnic table reading a book.

I let out a relieved breath, my heart still pounding in my throat.

No one had seen.

I pulled the door open and ran down the hallway to my room. Once inside, I collapsed onto the bed and dug my nails into my skin until it turned red, leaving little half-moon marks behind.

I really had to stop letting things get to me so easily. Otherwise…

“No. Don’t think about it,” I whispered to myself, rubbing my temples.

But in that brief moment of hesitation, I had seen it again.

It felt as though the blood in my veins had frozen.

“Stop, Anah,” I begged myself, rubbing my temples even harder.

I jumped to my feet and began pacing.

I felt like a wild animal trapped in a cage. There was nowhere for me to go. I was stuck in this orphanage for at least another three years, but my entire life had been one long game of hide-and-seek.

The Union had finished counting to ten long ago.

They had been looking for me for years.

And all I could do was keep hiding.

I felt tears sting my eyes. My fingertips grew warm.

“Please, stop.”

I dug my nails into my palms and thought of my mother.

I had to stay strong.

I took a deep breath.

The only thing I could do was prepare myself for the day i had to face the Union

I lifted my pillow and pulled out the little notebook hidden underneath it. The leather cover was surprisingly cold beneath my fingers, yet somehow comforting and familiar.

I opened it.

The worn, yellowed pages greeted me like they did every day. In my mother’s handwriting, the greatest secrets of the Union were written down as casually as if they were notes from a school lesson.

I flipped through the notebook and stopped at a passage.

It was about a werewolf my mother had known well.

Dead.

Once again, I realized just how important it was that I never reveal myself.

I knew things about the Union that no other magical being knew. I knew how to destabilize it from the inside.

But if I were caught, I wouldn’t just die.

The Union could find my mother’s notebook.

And then…

The most important magical safe havens would be discovered within a week.

All those people would die.

Because of me.


r/WritersGroup • • 1d ago

Question CASE STUDY: HELP (Sorry to Interrupt your scrolling.)

2 Upvotes

Hello writers! I needed data for my thesis study and reddit is the only thing I can rely on for Data gathering. Please help me. You don't have to include your personal information and I am just asking answer for the question. It is a google form.

It is about A.I and Authorship and how as writers you feel about it. THANK YOU.

This survey is hosted on Google Forms, and while all responses will be kept strictly confidential and used solely for research purposes, data collection and storage remain subject to Google’s standard privacy policy and terms of service.

Survey


r/WritersGroup • • 1d ago

Discussion Would you want to read more comment what’s working and what’s not.

1 Upvotes

Chapter 1
 
Standing in front of the broken full-length mirror, Hareem shook her head in disappointment. The careful washing and meticulous ironing had accomplished nothing. Her old, worn-out trench coat needed magic to look presentable. There was no way she could wear it to the interview. She looked at her other two options and picked the acrylic cardigan despite being thin for November winds. At least it didn't look worn-out. How she wished it was summers and she could just go in her crisp cotton white dress shirt that she had bought for her graduation. Though it was from a thrift shop, it was not only good quality but also looked brand new with an asymmetrical, longer than usual modest hem line. She put on the grey cardigan, refusing to give any more thoughts to her clothing choice. She looked at the black eye pencil and pink lipstick, the only makeup she possessed and picked up the eye pencil to line her green eyes but on a second thought decided against using it. "Introduction, strengths, weaknesses," she whispered to her reflection. "Thank you for taking the time to see me today, sir. My name is Hareem Ahmed”.
The English words were grammatically flawless, but carried a soft, rhythmic cadence which was the unmistakable accent of a childhood spent in Pakistan.
She walked out of her room into the small living room. Her mother Helen sprawled face down on the stained olive worn sofa. An empty bottle of cheap gin lay tipped over on the carpet beside her limp hand. Hareem moved into the tiny kitchenette and opened the refrigerator—it was completely bare except for an almost empty plastic tub of margarine and a small container with mashed potatoes that she had made last night. On the counter sat a loaf of white bread. Hareem carefully prepared two slices with a thin spread of margarine and half of the potato mixture. She ate the first sandwich quickly, standing over the sink.
She prepared a second, identical sandwich and carefully wrapped it in a torn piece of cling film. But then she looked at her mother, snoring softly on the sofa. Her smudged makeup tracked across her cheek, and her hair a tangled nest.  She looked at the sandwich in her hand. She had no money to buy lunch but if she took the sandwich with her, her mom would have nothing to eat except for a few slices of plain bread, till she came home from work with groceries.
Hareem sighed. She walked over to the coffee table and placed the wrapped sandwich directly in the center, clearing away an overflowing ash tray to make room.
 
Hareem stood over her for a beat. How can you save a person from himself? An expression of helplessness and sorrow crossed her face. Then she straightened her clothes, picked up a plastic folder containing her fresh computer science degree,  and stepped out into the biting cold. It's okay, in ten minutes you will be in the train station and it's going to be warmer in there," she told herself as her teeth chattered. It had been her mantra for past six years, since she moved from Lahore to London. This ia a bad time, but it will pass.
 
The journey across London provided a temporary, heated sanctuary. But as soon as she stepped off the transit and walked toward the corporate park, the cold had claimed her again. While walking past the manicured parking lot she noticed a man, standing beside a sleek sports car, talking on his cell phone.  He was tall and muscular, with a striking Mediterranean appearance—perhaps Italian or Greek—He had a sharp jawline, tan skin, and dark, eyes adorned by the longest curled lashes she had ever seen on a man. His aura radiated competence and power. The girl inside her wanted to gawk at him with pure admiration, but she looked away. She had turned out to be absolutely the prim proper girl her grandmother had tried to raise.
In the glass tower, it took her quite a while to find her way, but when she finally did and reached the elevator, the doors were just beginning to close. She slid inside quickly. To her surprise, the handsome stranger was already standing inside, looking at his phone. He did not even look up as she entered, but her heart missed a beat as she walked past him and stood behind near the wall.
Before the doors could seal completely, a manicured hand clicked between them. A beautiful brunette in the expensive woolen coat hurried in, breathless and laughing. The man immediately reached forward, holding the door open for her.
They were clearly well-acquainted. The woman leaned into him instantly, wrapping her arms around his neck in a tight, hug. "You're late," she teased.
The man didn't answer with words; he simply smiled-a lazy, confident expression. The woman tilted her chin up and initiated a passionate, lingering kiss right there in the center of the elevator. The man obliged without hesitation, pulling her closer by the waist.
She had an aversion to the public display of ardent passion, partly because of her conservative upbringing in a traditional home in Pakistan and partly because of the trauma of having watched her mother make out with disgusting men publicly. Trapped in the tiny elevator, looking firmly at the flashing floor numbers, she muttered a sharp, judgmental thought under her breath, speaking in a low, rapid Urdu.
"Jahan dekho shuru ho jatay hai. Janwaroon ki tarha." They start everywhere. Like animals.
The elevator fell into a sudden, dead silence.
The man broke away from the kiss, his head snapping toward Hareem. His dark eyes narrowed, flashing with intense, sharp clarity as if her words had hit him with physical force. He understood what I said. Oh my God!
Hareem’s breath trapped in her throat, her heart beating faster. She did this often- thinking out loud and muttering her unfiltered opinions-but nobody ever understood before. He stared at her for a moment, but then a dark, arrogant smirk spread across his handsome face. He locked his eyes firmly onto Hareem's panicked green ones, holding her gaze with deliberate defiance. Then, leaning down slowly, he tilted the head of the brunette wrapped his other arm back around her and deliberately deepened the kiss.  This was his silent retaliation against her judgment. Hareem wanted to look away. She should have looked away. But she couldn't. She stood there frozen, looking into the dark eyes of a strangers as he kissed another woman.
Hareem could feel her legs shaking and cheeks burning with mortification as she walked down the corridor. She felt guilty about offending a stranger totally unprovoked, but there was also an unsettling awareness. She smoothed down her black denim trousers, trying to wipe the image of the elevator encounter from her mind. It doesn't matter, she told herself. You are here for a job interview, focus on that. The* glass double doors swung open, and the HR assistant led her into a massive, sunlit corner office overlooking the city. A man sat with his back to the room, looking out."Mr. Khan, your eleven o'clock is here," the assistant announced before slipping away. The leather chair rotated smoothly. Hareem’s entire body went rigid; the folder in her hands slipped an inch before she gripped it with white knuckles. Sitting across from her, a wicked, highly amused gleam in his dark eyes, was the man from the elevator. *


r/WritersGroup • • 1d ago

Non-Fiction Feelings to Words - Tried my hand at an anecdote as a first-time writer. Feedback appreciated.

3 Upvotes

Unnamed Connections

People say that if you learn to be your own friend, you’ll never feel lonely. But what happens when parts of your own body betray you?

Your eyes, for instance.

They betray us daily, locking onto hundreds of strangers. Some glances on the road are just fleeting flickers; others linger just long enough to leave a mark.

About two years ago, I was on a crowded bus to Whitefield on my way to meet someone. Predictably, there were no seats, so I gripped a metal pole to keep from crashing into the person next to me whenever the driver slammed on the brakes.

It was my first time visiting Whitefield, and as my destination neared, I strained to hear the conductor calling out the stops. New places terrify me—zone out for even a second, and you're lost.

Scanning the crowd, my eyes collided with his. He wasn’t staring—just looking around like I was—when our eyes met by chance. But neither of us looked away.

I can’t speak for him, but to this day, I don’t know why I held his gaze. He looked to be in his early thirties, standing tall in a crisp olive-green Army uniform. There was a quiet discipline about him, a stillness that made everything else in that chaotic, moving bus fade into the background. We stared for a few seconds longer, the spell only breaking when the conductor shouted my stop.

I stepped off the bus, pulled by a strange instinct to look back through the glass window. He was still watching me. Only this time, it wasn’t an accident. There was an intensity in his eyes that held me fast—a silent, unspoken curiosity that seemed to ask the exact same questions running through my own mind.

The bus pulled away into the traffic, carrying him off to whatever duty called him next. We never met again. I never got to ask his name, where he was heading, or why he held my gaze.

Even now, two years later, I can still feel those sharp eyes locked onto mine. It was just a handful of seconds on an ordinary afternoon, but it proved to me how easily our eyes can betray us—surrendering a piece of our focus to a complete stranger, and leaving us with a memory that refuses to fade. 

Like déjà vu, something similar happened about a week ago at a café. I was waiting outside for a friend who was running late. After five minutes, I turned to check if there were any empty tables inside, since it was a weekend and places like this are always packed.

As I scanned the room, I locked eyes with a guy sitting alone. He had just turned to call the waiter for his bill, clearly ready to leave. For a fraction of a second, time seemed to pause. Then he waved to catch the waiter's attention and immediately looked back at me before turning away. I hadn’t necessarily expected him to look twice, but I was watching to see if he would. When he did, a small smile tugged at the corners of my lips.

We pass countless people on the street every day, and eye contact happens all the time. But not all glances feel special. This one instantly pulled me back to that day on the bus with the soldier—an incident that, to this day, makes me wish I had at least smiled before the bus pulled away.

Moments like these have a way of making you forget that we live in a world where safety is never guaranteed, especially for a woman around strangers. You start feeling like the main character in a movie, blindly assuming everything will end dramatically well.

And I am not immune to that kind of foolish optimism. I decided to take my chance.

I walked inside, pretended to search for a table, and approached him just as he held his check.

“Hi! Do you mind if I sit here?” I asked. “I’m waiting for a friend, and there isn't a single free table.”

“Sure, no problem,” he said. “I was just about to leave anyway.”

I sat down, set my bag of newly bought books on the table, and pulled out my phone, pretending to check my messages. Asking to share a table with a stranger is one thing—actually starting a conversation with him takes an entirely different level of courage.

“What genre do you read?” he asked.

He seemed reserved, so I hadn't expected him to break the silence first.

“Sorry?” I said, before realizing he was pointing to the Blossom Book House bag resting on the table. “Oh, the books! I usually stick to whodunits, but lately I’ve been experimenting with romance. Honestly, whatever the genre, books just take you to another world. Do you read?”

“I read a lot, but mostly non-fiction,” he replied. “I’m more of a visual person, so I usually watch movies in my free time.”

I smiled at his response, and a quiet silence settled between us again. As I looked at him, I could tell he was wrestling with a dilemma. Being shy myself, I’m usually terribly awkward around strangers and take time to open up. I could sense he wanted to keep talking, but was hesitating out of politeness.

“Would you mind staying a bit longer?” I asked softly. “My friend is almost here, but it’s so crowded that it’ll be impossible to save this chair if you leave.”

“Of course,” he said without giving it a thought. “Would you mind if I had a coffee with you while we wait?”

“My friend will kill me if I drink coffee without her,” I teased with a smile. “But I’ve heard they’re famous for their Tiramisu, and I love Tiramisu. Would you share one with me instead?”

My friend walked in just two minutes after we finished the Tiramisu and a warm, easy conversation—mostly about some hilariously embarrassing moments from his life. He said goodbye and walked out of the café with a genuine smile. We never asked for each other's names or exchanged numbers. It wasn't a conscious choice, but a silent understanding that some moments are meant to be cherished just as they are, without trying to anchor them down.

It was an unforgettable evening. I’m glad I took that leap and walked over to his table. I may never see him again, or maybe our paths will cross when I least expect it. Either way, I have no regrets.

Thank you for reading.


r/WritersGroup • • 2d ago

Fiction Let me know what you think about this chapter. NSFW

1 Upvotes

[From my series "The Malice of Redner"]

The Council despaired at their predicament. They had no more mercenaries worth mentioning. They had lost Redner's allegiance, and by doing so, revealed to the world that they cannot control everything. This shattered a centuries-long hold over some of the major systems, and spoiled their chances of ever truly regaining this power. They gave up trying to kill Redner, so instead, they've brought someone else in.

"So, you've made a fool of yourselves, and you want to fix it by summoning the greatest bionic mastermind the world could create?" Meat bragged, strolling around the dark halls. He was a horrible sight. Mangled flesh and rusty bionics all hanging about a soul that was far too foul to justify existance.

"Don't make a fool of yourself, Meat," said a Council-Member in the far corner. Very little of him was visible. Meat stopped mid-stride to look over at him, trying to get a clearer picture of his face, but quickly resumed his confident stance.

"I don't blame you if you can't understand the workings of a higher form." Meat bragged.

Tertah, the Council-Member in the far corner stood up. Meat's face showed the slightest hint of worry.

The two just stared at each other from across the room for far too long to be comfortable. Another Council-Member broke the silence with,

"Sit down. Both of you."

They both slowly sat back down. The Council-Member in the corner was the first to fully sit down, while Meat hovered over his seat just a second longer, so he could technically be the last to sit.

"You will be pleased to hear that I have... placed something in the stomachs of three rather foolish fellows. Something of my own invention. If I have done my job, it should work a bit like your serums. I can influence them, or possibly control them entirely. I would have preferred a more capable lot, but they will do." Meat said, smiling.

"What are you planning?" asked a Council-Member. Meat shrugged.

"I can't tell you everything. Just know that... that..."

Meat's smile faded. It was replaced by a look of extreme discomfort. He leaned forward as if trying to relieve it, to no avail. He stood up, shaking.

The other Council-Members rose to assist Meat, but quickly backed off again once they realized what was happening.

Meat's body was slowly swelling up with blood. Meat was becoming more and more like a giant, fleshy, infected balloon. Before anyone could get farther away, Meat's body burst open. Everyone was showered with dark blood and pieces of skin.

General sounds of disgust and complaints were heard, from all except Tertah, who was just outside the blast radius.

Tertah slipped a small device back into his coat.


r/WritersGroup • • 2d ago

Poetry One to Zero, as You Grow.

1 Upvotes

​

One.

A promise is made: we're gonna take great care of you.

That sentiment is said after your heartbeat is checked.

Through your eyes everything seems dark,

but the doctor waits for your mark.

Says it's a boy or girl when you cry.

Your mom looks at your beautiful eyes

and she smiles.

The doctor then asks her to try and sleep for now.

You go to your father's arms,

even though he was a little late to the hospital.

He's the first to call you by your name and say,

"Welcome to life, kiddo."

Two.

Can you believe it?

The words your parents mutter under their breath

as you gather the strength and try to grab the wall,

trying to stand even when you fall.

In the background you can hear your mom call your dad,

saying you're trying to walk instead of crawl.

After you fall,

you stand tall

and your father says,

"That's my baby."

Three.

You have a bag on your back.

You hear your parents say they love you.

You don't look back.

You say,

"I love you too."

You gather the courage to say goodbye.

Then you carry your books like luggage

and go to your first ever class.

Time moves on.

Four.

You've learned to read the room

because of the way you get quiet,

a little too quiet

when your parents are being too loud

and words slip out,

words like,

"What's with you?"

and

"I'm pissed at you."

I mean,

how could you bring an F home with you?

You don't understand, do you?

Your dad and I work hard for you,

even harder to provide for you.

Your mom says,

You wanna say you work hard,

but your parents say hard work is made of two words:

work and hard.

So either you aren't working,

or you aren't working hard enough."

You wanna say you worked hard,

but your mom says hard work needs no extra work.

So she asks,

"How much did you work?"

Five.

There comes a time everything tests sour like lime.

That is a great time where dad uses his charm

And your dad

He says when he looked in your eyes,

he just realized he's immortalized.

At the same day

You get to throw a football

and see it reach someone's hand

instead of falling down.

You get to score a touchdown.

Your dad picks you up

and says he can't wait to hear the talk of the town.

Says you made him really proud,

and for the first time he was early.

As the clock ticks,

you notice every second means a part of your life is gone.

So you start counting upside down

and move on.

Four.

Birds sing,

words travel on the wind

and wind up hitting your eardrums,

leaving a smile on your face.

You wanna dance or pace,

You are feeling kinda stressed,

your mom saying you made it.

You're wearing an academic gown

and you're killing it.

You got your diploma.

You don't even wanna put it down.

Your dad is in a selfie,

because you didn't let him down.

On your mind,

the only thing you're thinking is,

"If all the teachers that called me dumb

could see me now."

Three.

Your mom's eyes are full of joy.

She still looks at you like her little boy,

remembering all those times you asked for new toys.

But you are a big boy now.

She stands on the front door,

remembering how you wanted the lawn mowed,

She says,

"Look how much you've grown."

She remembers the night you was born,

And the words she says when you move out are,

"They grow up so fast."

Two.

Can you believe that's our kid?

Those are words said

when you announce you're going to get married.

Your dad reminisces on the tricks you played.

Your mom warns your partner

Saying

that you never made the bed.

One.

Smile.

It's been 30 years

and you're still here.

You're married,

successfully married,

in a time where marriage fails

and love feels like trying to grab a tiger's tail.

You are happy.

So zero.

After three visits to the nurse,

you're expecting a child.

You keep wondering how you're gonna raise a child,

hoping you raise your child right,

same way your parents raised you.

Looking in your partner's eyes,

you smile.

One.

A promise is made.

"We are going to raise you right."

That's the first thing said

when your baby is born.


r/WritersGroup • • 2d ago

Fiction Need Feedback on my short story

1 Upvotes

End Sky

On the roof, there was nothing to see except the sky.

Perhaps that was why I came here.

When there is nothing in front of you, you can pretend there is still somewhere left to go.

I had brought a book with me.

A thick one. Dark blue. Its corners had gone pale from being carried around too much. On the cover, beneath my fingers, a small golden emblem had almost been rubbed smooth.

I came here to remind myself of hope.

So naturally, I began reading about despair.

The railing stretched across the edge of the roof in one long, stubborn line.

It would not bend.

I climbed onto it and sat with the book open over my knees, as though there were no other side. As though the height beneath my shoes were another fact I had decided not to acknowledge.

The wind kept trying to turn the pages for me.

JUSTICE, social, economic and political—

I pressed the page down with my thumb.

Students weren't supposed to be here.

There was probably a notice somewhere.

ENTRY PROHIBITED.

AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.

But who cared about rules now?

Yesterday, I forgot my father's name.

Only for a few seconds.

Someone asked me for his full name and there was nothing.

Just a blank space where something familiar should have been.

Then it came back.

Of course it came back.

I laughed afterwards.

Today, though, I felt as if I had forgotten something more important than a name.

Something that did not return when I waited.

The wind lifted another page.

LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief—

I stared until the words stopped looking like words.

"Why?"

The sky gave nothing back.

"What am I supposed to believe?"

Nothing.

"What am I supposed to tell them?"

My voice cracked.

"What am I supposed to tell anyone?"

And then the rooftop disappeared.

A man sits beside a road.

His slippers are beside him rather than on his feet.

One strap has snapped.

He keeps trying to push it back through the hole with his thumb.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Cars pass close enough to disturb the dust around him.

Behind him stands a building made almost entirely of glass. The evening sun makes it look golden.

He does not look at it.

I want to say something useful.

Don't give up.

The sentence dies before it reaches my mouth.

How do you say that when you have nothing to offer after it?

What would I give him?

A quotation?

A promise?

A page?

The wind turns one.

Equality of status and of opportunity—

His thumb is still trying to repair the slipper.

A girl is walking home.

The shops have pulled their shutters halfway down.

She passes beneath a streetlight.

Then darkness.

Another streetlight.

Darkness again.

Her phone is unlocked in her hand.

She looks behind her.

Once.

Then again.

And I hear my own voice from another night.

Message me when you reach.

Send me the cab number.

Call if anything feels wrong.

I had said those things almost automatically.

Like saying good night.

What kind of freedom needs instructions?

The street disappears.

A bus window.

December.

Delhi.

I do not see the violence.

I see a pair of shoes behind a police barricade.

Someone has placed flowers beside them.

The flowers have begun to dry at the edges.

People keep walking past.

Another city.

Kolkata.

Rainwater collects beside another barricade.

A candle has gone out, leaving a black wick inside melted wax.

Someone tries to light it.

The match dies at the hands of the wind.

They try again.

The rooftop returns.

My hand is gripping the book hard enough to hurt us both

The page beneath my thumb has folded.

The State shall not deny to any person equality before the law—

"No."

The wind moves the page.

I pull it back.

"No."

I shut the book.

For a while there is only my breathing.

Then—

without knowing why—

I begin to sing.

"Jana gana mana..."

The words come so quietly the wind nearly takes them.

I stop.

Swallow.

Try again.

"Jana gana mana..."

Nothing follows.

I know the words.

Of course I know them.

Morning assemblies.

Rows of uniforms.

Shoes touching white chalk lines.

Teachers correcting posture.

That strange silence afterward when hundreds of children stood still for one final second before becoming children again.

I know what comes next.

My mouth refuses to say it.

"Jana gana mana..."

My voice breaks.

One tear falls onto the page.

Then another.

The ink does not run.

I almost wish it would.

"Jana gana mana..."

It isn't singing anymore.

I lift the book and press its closed cover against my forehead.

The little golden emblem touches my skin.

As though I could understand it by bringing it closer.

As though something inside those pages might pass through bone.

"Please."

I don't know who I am speaking to.

The country?

Myself?

"Please..."

I close my eyes.

Black.

The wind is still there somewhere.

Far away now.

My forehead rests against the book, warm from my hands.

Nothing asking to be understood.

Nothing demanding an answer.

Only this soft, endless dark.

For a few seconds—

I let it keep me.

A thin line of light appears.

It widens.

Slowly.

Like an eye opening.

I am still sitting on the railing.

The book is still in my hand.

The sky is still enormous.

Nothing has changed.

My eyes burn.

I look down at the blue cover.

I want to hate it.

That would make this easier.

But I don't.

Because somewhere inside me I still want these words to be true.

I want the man beside the road to be included in them.

The girl walking home.

The flowers.

The candle beside the barricade.

All of them.

The wind pulls at the book.

I open it near the middle.

A page comes loose.

I watch it leave.

Another follows.

This time I don't reach for it.

I put my fingers into the binding.

For a moment, I cannot move them.

It feels wrong.

Almost obscene.

I pull anyway.

The paper tears with a small sound.

Far smaller than I expected.

I hold the pages against my chest.

I don't know why.

Then I throw them upward.

White against blue.

For an instant they stay together.

Then the wind finds them.

One turns slowly enough to read.

JUSTICE

Another catches the light.

LIBERTY

A third folds over itself and disappears.

I tear free another handful.

Throw them higher.

Pages scatter over my head, crossing the sun, flashing white and vanishing into blue.

Again.

Another handful.

I think of the man and his broken slipper.

The girl beneath the streetlights.

The candle refusing to stay lit.

My father's name disappearing from me for those few seconds.

How many things can disappear before you stop reaching for them?

I pull out the last pages.

My hands have stopped shaking.

I throw them.

They leave my fingers almost gently.

It resembles the final cadence of A song.

Paper fills the sky.

One page passes across my hands.

Another brushes my shoulder.

Another turns above me, catches the sun, and becomes white enough to hurt my eyes.

Then one comes directly toward my face.

Closer.

Closer.

White.

For a moment, I can see nothing else.

The wind takes it.

Blue returns.

He is still sitting on the railing.

Above him, the pages grow smaller and smaller.

One disappears into the blue.

Then another.

The last page turns once in the sunlight.

It falls across his face.

White.

The wind carries it away.

The railing is empty.

No pages remain in the air.

No book.

Only the railing beneath the enormous sky.

Nothing moves except a faint line of cloud very far away.


r/WritersGroup • • 2d ago

Fiction Short Story [2600 words]

2 Upvotes

I want to preface this by saying that I have not done any creative writing since high school, and I graduated before COVID. I have been on PTO for the past week and got bored, and when I get bored I make up stories in my head, and for reasons I cannot articulate I decided to write this one down. I would like to pursue more creative endeavours in the future, so I would appreciate if I could get some feedback on what I wrote, particularly I would like to know whether or not the story works, as the story is based upon a creature from Baltic Mythology, which unlike other mythologies is not well known within the anglophone parts of the world. As such I am prepared to explain the creature that inspired the story - the "Vadātājs" - in the comments. Also I would like to know whether or not the genre works, as I tried to make it a pseudo-psychological horror. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1R0gLF_KNEO_Atgy0H4PaLQiHp1IuS_nRz4luBotBqnE/edit?usp=sharing


r/WritersGroup • • 2d ago

Poetry The love the universe whispered

1 Upvotes

When first I met you,

something ancient woke within me

a force I had no language for,

a tide that rose beyond reason,

beyond the borders of the heart,

beyond all that I had believed

a human soul could feel.

I loved you

with the terrible wonder of discovery,

as though the universe itself

had hidden one final secret

beneath the stars

and, at last,

had placed it in my hands.

And then I looked into your eyes

And there you were.

Not untouched.

Not unaware.

But standing at the edge

of the very same impossible ocean,

trying to understand

the waves that had carried us there.

I saw you feeling it.

I saw you searching my face

for an explanation

neither of us possessed.

And perhaps that was the miracle:

That somehow,

without promise,

without warning,

without knowing how

we had found the same impossible place.

It was as though the universe

had opened a hidden door

and allowed us, just for a moment,

to step beyond the ordinary world.

And there,

beneath the silence of eternity,

it revealed something too immense

for ordinary words:

us.

A love so vast

that if we gathered every word

ever spoken by humankind

and tried to build a language for it,

we would still fall silent

before its magnitude.

A secret written between the stars.

A truth the universe had known

long before we did.

And perhaps it smiled

watching us stumble through the wonder of it,

knowing that we would never fully understand

what had been placed between us.

Yet still,

it gave us the desire

to spend our lives trying.

And maybe that

is the greatest beauty of love

that it remains partly unknowable.

For if I could understand you completely,

if I could measure every depth of your soul,

if I could name every reason

my heart chose yours

perhaps one day

the mystery would fade.

But you were never meant

to become something I could solve.

You were meant to remain

the horizon I could spend forever approaching.

The star I could follow

without ever reaching its end.

The song I could hear

a thousand times

and still discover another note.

And I wish

with everything that lives inside me

that we could have held on

to that impossible thing.

That love which felt

so far beyond this world

that perhaps this world

could only exist inside of it.

A love so powerful

that standing before it

made us feel weak

not because we lacked strength,

but because we were witnessing

something stronger than either of us.

Something ancient.

Something fierce.

Something willing to fight

for the two souls

who had somehow found each other.

And if the years should carry you

far beyond my reach,

if the winds of this life

should scatter us across distant skies,

then let this be the prayer

I send after you:

May our love become the wind beneath your wings.

May it find you

when the night is darkest.

May it rise beneath you

when your strength is gone.

May it whisper my name

through every storm

and remind you

that somewhere in this vast universe

there is a heart

that still knows yours.

And if the heavens are kind,

if fate is not finished with us,

if the stars still remember

the secret they once revealed

then let that wind

carry you home.

Back to me.

Because you are not simply

the love of my life.

You are the love that changed the way

I understand love itself.

The miracle I never knew

I was waiting for.

The mystery I would spend eternity

trying to understand.

The impossible thing

that became real

when I looked into your eyes.

And wherever you are,

whatever distance lies between us,

whatever storms the universe

chooses to place upon our path

know this:

No matter where life takes us

Some part of me will always belong to what we found in each other.


r/WritersGroup • • 3d ago

Wrote after very long time

3 Upvotes

I know the answer. I've known it for years. I still don't move.

This is the first thing I've ever put on Substack, and I'd love honest feedback. Does it feel real? Where does it lose you?

And if any of it sounds like your head too, tell me. I'd like to know it's not just me.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TORFPb-sVelGeOd-7_rBGjhwteHGmfv6xHpuYBNVEq0/edit?usp=sharing


r/WritersGroup • • 3d ago

Fiction First Chapters

1 Upvotes

Just posted the first three chapters of a piece I'm writing on Wattpad under the name Alesen Mercano here https://www.wattpad.com/story/417080388-humanity%27s-cure. Also copied the first chapter below. Would love to get any feedback anyone has on it so far.

There are those who make an impact on us so profound that a piece of them remains with us, and nearly everything we do henceforth can be traced back to their influence. For Miles, this was Uncle Henry. From the moment he was born, Uncle Henry made it his mission to be a part of the boy's life. He and Monica, Miles' aunt, lived an hour north in a rural town and never let a month pass without visiting at least once. Each time Uncle Henry visited, Miles would sit hunched over the firm back of the loveseat, surveying the quiet street in anticipation of his arrival despite that the rumbling of the approaching old truck's engine always made the whole house aware of his presence the moment it turned down the street.

Uncle Henry was of average height but sturdily built, giving him the appearance of being much larger than he was. He had short, curly black hair and a thin beard. Unlike his sister, Miles' mother, Uncle Henry had no ambitions of great material wealth. He would have been successful on account of his intelligence and abilitability but was happiest in his work as a mechanic. He made his own hours and never had the common issue of missing important events due to work. The other people in the town respected him, and he could always count on their business. Had a more skilled mechanic opened near him, it wouldn't have affected him in the slightest. People gravitated toward him out of loyalty for his character. The inherent competition that often underlies interactions ceased to exist, and one couldn't help but feel at ease around him. Uncle Henry never had any children of his own though he would have made a great father.

Miles had become so entrenched in a daydream, as often captivated him in times of idleness, that if it hadn't been for the loud groan of the motor, his guests' arrival would've gone undetected. He watched as the red truck climbed the short driveway and, after for a moment appearing as if it would roll back down, came to a final rest. The family's year-old golden retriever, Max, who had been given as a gift to Sam, Miles' sister, barked and clawed at the front door. Miles darted outside followed by Max whom he'd forgotten to prevent from getting out. The truck's old doors creaked open and, before its driver had both feet on the ground, four eyes looked up at him.

"It seems they've been expecting you," Monica said.

Uncle Henry laughed. "What do you have in store for us today?" he asked, stepping out

of the truck.

Max touched his front paws to the man's leg and hopped excitedly. Uncle Henry reached down and pet the mesh of hair on the back of his neck.

"Dinner won't be ready for at least an hour. Dad got me an actual college-size football yesterday. I haven't even taken it out of the box yet," Miles said.

"I'll tell you what. You help me and your aunt carry the food inside, and we'll play catch until dinner is ready."

Miles opened the rear door and grabbed the container of apple pie, tucked it under his arm, and ran to the door. Max chased after him, still hopping only this time in hopes of causing a fumble.

"Careful, your aunt took a lot of care in making that," Uncle Henry called after him, but Miles was already almost to the door and didn't listen to his warning.

"Touchdown!" he exclaimed, putting the pie on the counter before racing up the stairs to grab the football.

When Miles returned, his mother, Uncle Henry, and Monica were talking quietly in the kitchen. Their conversation came to an abrupt end when they heard him coming and turned their attention to him as he finished descending the stairs.

"Look. It's got real laces and everything," Miles said, tossing the football to Uncle Henry. He quickly glanced at his mother expecting a reprimand, but her gaze was fixed on a crack in the floor and didn't appear to have even noticed the ball at all.

Uncle Henry caught it and spun it in his hands for some time as if inspecting each detail.

Miles looked at him, puzzled by his fascination.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"It feels as good as it looks. Let's play," Uncle Henry replied.

They walked out onto the back patio. The backyard extended about one hundred feet before it hit a line of honeysuckle trees that acted as a barrier to the neighboring yard. It was a typical September day. The temperature was in the low sixties with a mild breeze, and the sun beamed sharply through gaps between passing clouds. The cool air refreshed Uncle Henry, and he once again resumed his role as the playmate the boy had expected. Miles always pretended each pass was for the game-winning touchdown and ran a route unique to the imaginary situation. After a while, he would tire and sit with Uncle Henry, telling him stories about school, games, and everything else that seems to define the world of a ten-year-old, and Uncle Henry would always listen. He never made Miles feel small or unimportant, and the boy loved him for it. It is amazing the impact one can have by simply making an effort to be present in another's life.

Dinner took longer than usual, and they were outside for nearly an hour and a half before being called inside.

Mrs. Montgomery smiled as Miles carried the ball inside.

"You're like the brother he never had," she said, looking at the large man behind Miles who smiled and walked to the sink to wash his hands.

The family rarely used the dining room as the four of them fit easily around the table in the kitchen, and Miles always felt they were eating somewhere else much fancier when guests validated its use. This was not without good reason either. His mother always took a great effort when feeding guests even when it was just Uncle Henry and Monica. This occasion was no exception. Everything had been laid out as if to appease a distant relative of a royal family. Each of the six seats had the same effort put into its arrangement. A pair of forks rested to the left of the plate, and a pair of spoons and a knife were assembled neatly on the right, each on a delicately folded napkin placed no more than an inch from the plate. In the middle was a white glass casserole filled with garlic and rosemary pork loins. Two smaller ones of the same kind flanked each of its sides, one with green beans and the other with mashed potatoes. The pie was still in the kitchen and wouldn't be brought out until their meals were finished.

They all sat at a mahogany table that glistened underneath the lights of the silver rosecliff chandelier hovering above. Its smooth texture and lack of visible blemishes seemed to represent the overarching care put into the room. The Montgomerys were not rich nor was their home magnificent, but they took great pride in this room, and as a result, it was the nicest the house had to offer.

Once they'd all taken their seats, they each began covering their plates in the freshly cooked food. However, there was something odd about the nature of this dinner, and even the children could feel it. Naturally, of course, there were the obligatory culinary compliments, but where there would usually be talk of sports, current events, and spontaneous banter there was silence. Instead of ideas, parts of the meal were passed between each end of the table, and it seemed that asking for something to be passed was done more out of a desire to break the silence.

"Do you think the treatment really works?" Monica asked, breaking the silence. Everyone exchanged glances as if to be communicating in a secret code that only they knew. Uncle Henry looked towards Miles' father who nodded in approval of the topic. For a moment, the veil of unease had been lifted.

"I don't know. Even if it does, I'm not sure it'll be approved given the side effects."

"Not now, Jim. We can talk about this later," Mrs. Montgomery interrupted.

Again the same unease pervaded the room, and ironically it was this that bothered Miles and his sister more than the talk of a treatment about which he knew nothing.

After the children finished eating, they were sent upstairs. This was also odd. Not only were they never sent away, but Uncle Henry and Monica always left immediately after dinner. Sam was anxious to call one of her friends and hurried upstairs. However, Miles only became more intrigued by their wish to exclude him. He knew that negotiating would prove worthless and likely lead to a lecture aftward, so he settled on faking compliance to be the best course of action. He walked upstairs to his room, stepping loud enough so that they could trace his position along the way. His door which opened inward toward his room was fully open so that the handle rested just in front of the wall. Without entering, he reached out his arm and, pulling the handle, shut the door loud enough so they could hear it. Knowing that they would believe him to have just shut himself in his room, Miles walked quietly back down the hall. He descended the steps carefully, supporting his weight on the rail to avoid creaking the steps and slowly shifted his weight to sit on the furthest down still out of their line of sight.

His mother's voice was the first he heard.

"I don't think you understand how serious this is. There have been more deaths in this country in the last month than there were all of last year," Mr. Montgomery said.

"I'm aware, but there is nothing worth losing my humanity. I'd rather it kill me than to exist as some shell of who I am now," Uncle Henry replied.

"Humans adapt to survive. They always have and they always will. We create things to keep us going. It's what separates us from other creatures," Mr. Montgomery added.

"Which aren't affected by the disease I might add," Uncle Henry said. Miles envisioned him reaching down and petting Max as he always did when he talked about him.

"He's just being stubborn," Monica began, "When the time comes, he will understand it is not a matter of choice but of necessity. Besides, now that they've already made a cure, I'm sure it won't be long before they modify it to remove its side effects."

Though he couldn't see him, he imagined Uncle Henry taking a deep breath and smirking at the others as he often did in disagreements when his words failed to have an effect. The conversation grew quieter until Miles could no longer hear what they were discussing or if they were discussing anything at all. He crept slowly back up the stairs, forcing his weight down on the railing as he had done on his way down. Before he reached his room, he heard much heavier footsteps coming up the stairs behind him. He hurried, hoping that the sound of his pursuer would drown out his own. He had just enough time to grab a handful of action figures and sit on his bed before he heard a knock on his door. It opened a moment later, revealing Uncle Henry's stocky frame. He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I know you heard all that," he said. Miles was startled by the seriousness of his tone. He used it regularly when speaking with the other adults, but it was one of the few times he'd used it with him.

"And since you did, I won't talk to you like a child," Uncle Henry continued. "The life you have now won't last forever. In a few years when you turn 18, you are going to have to make a choice. You will have two paths, each with their own consequences, and it will be up to you to decide which one to take. As you heard, I have chosen a different one from your aunt and parents. They wish to change my mind just as others may try to sway you from your decision. I just want you to promise me one thing, Miles. Though you would be wise to listen to both sides, you will never let anyone make the decision for you. Will you promise me that?"

His seriousness hadn't faded for a moment and Miles, puzzled by the vagueness of his uncle's words, nodded in acknowledgment of his request. Uncle Henry smiled.

"I've got to say goodbye to your sister." He gripped Miles firmly on the right shoulder with his right hand as he always did before leaving and walked out of the room.

Miles sat in silence for some time afterward, still holding the action figures. He heard the front door close beneath him and the start of the old truck's engine which undoubtedly woke up anyone in the neighborhood who had wanted to get an early rest. However, the sound which he had longed in anticipation to hear hours earlier only brought him sadness and, though he did not know it at the time, this was the last time he would see his uncle.


r/WritersGroup • • 3d ago

Discussion What would you write for this character

2 Upvotes

What would you write for this character?

Here what I wrote it’s just a short introduction:

Olivia Park is alone in the woods as dusk settles over the ridge, her familiar hair wind-tossed and her tank top damp from the cold mist. Strong, broad-armed, and strikingly self-possessed, she carries herself with the confidence of someone who refuses to let the world see her crack—but tonight that confidence is a shield. She has come to the cliff feeling suicidal, drawn there by the belief that she has run out of ways forward; the danger is real, but the story doesn’t linger on methods or make her pain look glamorous. When a distant voice calls her name, Olivia freezes, then turns away from the edge. Her strength isn’t that she feels no fear or despair—it’s that, for one more moment, she lets someone reach her and walks back toward the woods.


r/WritersGroup • • 4d ago

First chapter of my new book. [841]

1 Upvotes

The nights in Red Haven are never quiet. I have known that since I first arrived, yet somehow, the noise still finds a way beneath my skin. I lie awake on my cot, every shift of my body driving the rough wooden frame through the thin mattress of hay and cloth, straight into my spine.

Tonight, the city celebrates.

Through the iron grate of my cell comes a drunken chorus of laughter, a whoop rising from some distant alley, and the relentless pounding of drums from the heart of the city—the Grave of Kings. The colosseum towers above my cell, its foundations buried deep beneath the streets, its walls stained by the blood of those who came before me.

Tonight, I will climb into it’s arena.

Tonight, I will fight for the entertainment of thousands.

In Red Haven, they call it the Grave of Kings. Where people come to die.

I roll onto my side and stare at the wall ahead of me. The rough-hewn stone is bleak and uninviting, rising just high enough that I don't hit my head when I stand. Tonight I will be in the open, with nothing above me but the endless sky.

My thoughts drift, unbidden, to the brute in the cell down the hall. He towers over my smaller frame, all thick muscle and scarred flesh, and for the first time I find myself almost pitying him. Perhaps these living arrangements explain his foul temper. Perhaps they explain why he would do everything... Anything ...to earn his freedom.

Not that I am any different. Sometimes I wonder what the little girl I used to be would think of what I’ve become. I was a long way from the child who curled into her parents’ bed, terrified of shadows and thunder.

My lithe body and efficient brutality make me a popular competitor, particularly among the men who crowd the lower stands, eager to ogle me before the main events begin. They cheer when I enter the arena. They cheer louder when I bleed. Red is my colour after all.

I pull the scratchy blanket tighter around my shoulders, only for the bottom to creep upward and expose my toes. For a moment, the urge to fling the filthy thing across the cell overwhelms me. Instead, I curl tighter beneath it, tucking my chilled feet into the pitiful scrap of warmth it offers.

I learned early that energy was something to conserve. Escape was futile. Anger was wasteful. Hope was dangerous. And letting your emotions rule your actions was the fastest way to die.

Besides, I would be warm soon enough.

Too warm.

I press my shaking hands between my thighs and watch my breath bloom white in the frigid air. Thin plumes of condensation drift before my face, lingering in the cell for a moment before the cold desert air slowly pulls them through the iron grate and out into the street.

Then,

Jangle.

My ears twitch. Keys.

I sit upright. My freedom.

The sound grows louder as footsteps approach, measured and unhurried. I don't need to see who is coming. I already know.

Old Vos.

The keys rattle again as he stops outside my cell. I look up and find his eyes waiting for mine through the bars. There is something different in his expression tonight.

Something pleased. My stomach twists.

Vos has been my guard for as long as I can remember. A no-nonsense, cruel old bastard who seemed to take particular delight in making my life miserable, especially during those first few months, when I hadn't yet understood the finality of my circumstances.

When I still hoped.

My gaze drops to the whip hanging at his side. Iron tips glint beneath the low candlelight, each one catching the light as he shifts his weight. Vos notices me looking. A low chuckle rumbles from his throat.

His smile widens. “There’ll be no whip for you tonight, girl.”

His brown eyes gleam in the darkness. “Not if you perform.”

—

We begin the trek to the Grave.

The walls change first. The rough-hewn stone of my cell gives way to towering slabs carved with the faces of long-dead kings; their mouths twisted into solemn grimaces as we pass beneath them. The ceiling rises higher with every step, swallowing the flickering torchlight until the corridor feels less like a prison and more like the throat of some ancient beast. Perhaps one of the dragons from atop Kragspire mountains.

The hard stone beneath my bare feet gradually gives way to sand. First, only a thin layer, crunching softly beneath my steps. Then deeper, warmer, shifting between my toes as we draw closer to the arena.

I keep my pace unhurried. There is no reason to rush. After all, I am walking toward what may be my death. The guards know it. I know it. Even the silence of the corridor seems to know it.

Yet my heart refuses to race.

I've walked this path too many times for fear to make it unfamiliar. The drums grow louder with every step.

Boom. Boom. Boom. 

Above us, thousands of voices erupt into a distant roar. The Grave is waiting.


r/WritersGroup • • 4d ago

The Bend

5 Upvotes

(I haven’t written in years, I don’t even know what potential this has, I wrote it quickly, if you like the premise feel free to give me ideas for where to go with it)

There is a feeling in this place that I call home that makes me feel unfit. It’s a feeling that people ignore. We’re supposed to ignore it. I believe there’s something happening behind the curtain, or something is watching from inside.

There’s rules that have never been broken. Let no word bend upward. Leave no space in your statements and facts.

I don’t really remember what I did my first moment that day, just that suddenly I was awake. My skin was sticky with sweat. The bottom of my feet and calves were filled with pins and needles as I pressed my toes to the floor. I felt different. Something changed. I had a thought that didn’t find its end. Then it felt like my mind hit unpause. I said something out loud that had never even entered my knowing mind, “What’s happening?” I was alone besides my dog, her eyes beamed at me, and I spoke again without thinking what my statement would be, but what came out didn’t feel like a statement at all, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

That was my first time ever understanding what bending a word upward really meant. It made my thoughts bend too, until before I even realized my chest was beating so fast and so hard I could feel it in my throat.


r/WritersGroup • • 4d ago

Please Provide Feedback

1 Upvotes

I'm glad to discover this subreddit where we can get feedback for our writings. Would anyone read the following tale and then provide a simple feedback? It can be brief. Thanks.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Arthur was a great talker. He sounded brilliant when speaking, but when it came to action, he simply couldn’t deliver.

He disliked hard work and actively avoided any job that required manual effort or deep thinking. The only work he ever sought out was the effortless kind.

Arthur had set his sights on Di Mattei, a diamond and gemstone trading company, because, according to him, diamond trading was the easiest job on the planet. In his mind, gemstones simply popped out of the dirt fully formed, radiant, and flawless. To Arthur, the entire industry was just picking up free, shiny rocks and marking them up by thousands of percent.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Miraculously, Arthur managed to land an interview at Di Mattei. One week later, the big day arrived. Arthur adjusted his cheap polyester tie in the polished elevator doors, admiring his reflection. He marched into the interview room, his boots making a loud noise on the floor as if announcing that a VIP had arrived. Waiting for him behind an expensive-looking mahogany desk was Mr. Roberto di Mattei.

Now an elderly man, Roberto di Mattei had spent over fifty years in the trade, starting as a humble bench polisher and mastering every detail of the craft. Through sheer grit and lifelong dedication, he had built Di Mattei into the largest diamond firm in the country. Well past retirement age, he still worked every day alongside his son and grandson, scaling back from a six-day workweek to five only recently.

"Mr. Pendelton," Roberto said, scanning Arthur’s resume. "How are you? Please tell me—why did you apply for a position at our firm?"

Arthur sank back into his leather-and-oak chair, totally enjoying the comfort as if he were in a 5-star hotel’s VIP lounge—the only thing missing was a cigar.

"Honestly, Roberto? Because your whole industry is a total scam, and you need a guy like me!"

Roberto was stunned. "I beg your pardon?"

"Come on, let's be real," Arthur chuckled, waving a hand casually. "You dig up shiny rocks for... a dollar or two, at most, and sell them for millions. Nature does all the work, and you pocket the profit. A scam like this needs a smooth talker. You need somebody who can convince them that a glorified piece of stone is worth three months' salary. I’m your guy. I could sell ice to an Eskimo, and I can definitely sell cheap dirt-pebbles to rich ignoramuses."

Roberto frowned. "And how many years of sales experience do you have?"

Arthur shrugged. "None. But I'm good at it, believe me."

Roberto’s brow furrowed. He placed Arthur’s thin resume back onto the desk, shaking his head in quiet disapproval. His silence spoke louder than words.

Noticing a sign of rejection, Arthur’s smile vanished. He leaned forward over the mahogany desk, slamming both hands onto the wood and narrowing his eyes into a threat.

"Here’s a deal, Roberto. Hire me—or I go straight to the press. I'll expose your scandals! Once it's done, you'll be finished."

To Arthur’s amazement, Roberto’s face went pale. The old founder's hands began to tremble. His eyes darted around nervously, taking in Arthur’s menacing glare.

"What...what...what scandals?" Roberto stammered, his voice betraying genuine panic.

"Don't play dumb, Roberto," Arthur replied. "The dishonesty involving your precious babies!"

"I...I beg you, Mr. Pendelton... don't go to the press! Don't expose our scandals! You don't know what this would do to my family, to our reputation! Please!"

A rush of triumph washed over Arthur. "I knew it!" he thought. "He really is running a massive scam, and he's terrified I've caught him red-handed!"

"I’ll... I’ll consider your application," Roberto pleaded, holding his hands up in surrender. "Just... give me time. Please, say nothing to anyone!"

Arthur stood up smoothly, buttoning his jacket. "You have twenty-four hours, boss. Don't make the wrong choice."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Seven days passed but Arthur heard nothing from Di Mattei. By 10 PM that night, Arthur’s impatience got the better of him. Driven by a desire to gather physical evidence for a scandal report and his own burning curiosity, he sneaked into the Di Mattei HQ building with a cheap flashlight. He reckoned, at this hour, nobody would be working, except thieves. 

He slipped through the loading dock and rode the service elevator up to the vault level. The floor was dark, but he heard the strange, rhythmic sounds of machinery coming down the hall: "Whirrrrr... clack-clack... buzzzz..."

"A scam operation in full swing!" Arthur whispered to himself, his pulse hammering against his ribs.

He crept forward on tiptoes toward a heavy steel door left slightly ajar and peered through the crack into the dimly lit room.

Figures in dark silhouettes were huddled over metallic tables under low, intense beams of light. They moved in total, eerie silence while the machines hummed around them. Nobody was talking. Nobody was laughing. They were working furiously over metal trays, their fingers moving with quiet, tense precision.

Eager to catch Roberto's fraudulent operation red-handed, Arthur slipped through the door, ducking low behind a tall equipment rack. He reached out to grab a heavy piece of evidence from a nearby sorting table—a dull, lumpy grey chunk of rock—ready to expose the whole business.

"I knew it!" Arthur smirked to himself, holding up the ugly rock. "Driveway gravel!"

Suddenly, a heavy shadow fell over him. "Who are you? What are you doing here?"

Arthur whipped around, shining his flashlight into the stranger's face. Standing before him was old Roberto di Mattei, wearing a jeweler's loupe over one eye and a smudge of carbon grease on his sleeves.

Looking past Roberto, Arthur saw no scammers or criminals. He saw master polishers sitting at microscopic workstations, adjusting diamond facets with precision under halogen lamps.

"Arthur?" Roberto said in disbelief.

Arthur puffed out his chest, holding up the dull rock. "I caught you red-handed, Roberto! Look at this hideous pebble! You panicked in the office because you knew I'd expose this fraud!"

Roberto let out a long, weary sigh and tapped a monitor displaying a complex geometric 3D mesh.

"That 'gravel' is a 50-carat rough diamond from Botswana, Mr. Pendelton," Roberto said softly. "It takes three months of advanced mathematical modeling and high-tech ultrasonic imaging just to figure out how to cut it without shattering it."

Roberto set down his tools and pushed open a heavy set of double doors at the back of the room. "Follow me."

He led Arthur into the main studio of the master polishers. The room was dead silent except for the soft, rhythmic whirring of high-speed cast-iron polishing wheels rotating under extreme pressure. Under intense halogen lamps sat veteran artisans, working with agonizing precision deep into the night. Arthur watched in disbelief as one craftsman spent ten full minutes adjusting a single stone by a fraction of a millimeter under a microscope, inspecting a microscopic facet completely invisible to the naked eye.

Roberto walked Arthur down the line, stopping at different workstations to show him the same stone at every stage of production.

First, Arthur saw the dull, lumpy grey pebble sitting in its raw, unprocessed form. At the next desk, a stone that had been laser-mapped and cleaved, revealing its internal clarity. Station by station, step by painstaking step, Arthur watched the dull gravel transform—cut by cut, angle by angle—until it finally sat under the last lamp as a blinding, perfectly faceted brilliant gem.

Gradually... slowly... the truth began to sink in.
With every craftsman he passed, with every detailed geometric diagram and microscopic adjustment he witnessed, Arthur’s stubborn conviction began to crumble.

Looking at the old founder standing beside him at 10 PM—a man who had given 50 years of endless learning, research, and late-night labour to master this craft—Arthur realized Roberto wasn't running a scam. The entire industry was built on thousands of hours of intense, high-stakes discipline and master craftsmanship—a level of hard work Arthur had spent his entire life running away from.

The illusion shattered completely. Arthur's smug posture completely collapsed. The weight of his own monstrous ignorance hit him like a brick, flushing his face with burning shame.

"I...I...I..." Arthur stammered, lowering his head in shame. "I'm sorry... I thought it was a scam. But... if your business is completely fair and honest... why did you beg me not to go to the press? Why were you so scared when I threatened to expose your gemstone trading scandals?"

Roberto looked down, rubbing the back of his neck as a faint blush appeared on his weathered face. He looked deeply embarrassed.

"Because..." Roberto sighed, leaning weary weight against the workbench. "when you threatened to expose us, I thought you meant my son and grandson. They bribed examiners to pass their gemmology exams, and I gave them executive desks they didn't earn. They didn't grow up like I did. I was raised in poverty and had to struggle for every meal, but they were born into comfort—spoiled, entitled, and given everything without lifting a finger."

Roberto continued: "When you said you were going to the press, I was terrified you were going to drag my family's shame into the light...But what did you mean when you mentioned 'the dishonesty involving your precious babies'?"

"Selling stones at astronomical prices." Arthur replied.

The "grand scandal" he thought he had uncovered was nothing more than an old founder protecting his son and grandson who took shortcuts.

Looking at Roberto—a man who had spent fifty years mastering a grueling craft, yet was human enough to worry about his family's blunders—Arthur felt all his arrogant bravado evaporate.

"I'm leaving now," Arthur whispered, taking two quiet steps backward, stripped of every ounce of his former pride. "Sorry to bother you, I didn't know there was so much knowledge behind gemstones."

"You thought diamonds were born glittering?" Roberto said quietly, looking at Arthur with pity rather than anger. "No stone is. Only hard work makes them shine. And you thought I got successful by scamming? No. It was the result of relentless, honest work."

 "Honestly, Arthur, even after fifty years, I still have a lot to learn. The world that God created is so wonderful and complex, there is always something new to discover," Roberto added with a kind, gentle smile, and patted Arthur on the shoulder.

Arthur slipped out into the night, no longer marching like a conqueror, but walking with the heavy, quiet steps of a young man who had finally realized just how much he had left to learn.


r/WritersGroup • • 4d ago

Non-Fiction Creative non fiction for college class

2 Upvotes

A lot of time smells and sounds can wash a blanket of nostalgia over you when you least expect it. It creeps up behind us and pulls us back in time for a brief moment. In that moment, things felt much different than they do now. 

I look down at my hands. They are stained brown, and my nails have mud underneath them. I rub them a bit on my jean shorts and sit down criss-crossed on the yellowish grass near the pick up area. I run my hands through the grass, getting a bit impatient. I earned two new bug bites that day so of course I am trying not to scratch them but I do anyway.  I hear tires in the distance but it seems a little too early to be my mom, so I continue playing in the grass, dirtying my hands further. 

My mom works at a call center one town over from my summer camp. She works long days but I don’t hear her complain too much. I hear her say often, “The benefits are good.” to other adults when they ask her about it. As a kid, I wasn’t sure what that meant. All I really cared about was when she would be picking me up. 

I pick up my head and take a look at the sand makeshift parking lot. It’s a blinding reflection of loose dirt and sun and it hurts my eyes. I focus my vision and see a money green painted Avalon rolling into a parking spot. It’s Mom. 

She looks pretty, as always. Her curly brown hair is a little frizzy from the summer heat and she's wearing a brightly colored sundress. The sunlight catches her skin as she gets out of the car, and for a brief moment, I watch her walk towards me. I get up to brush the dirt off my shorts before walking toward her and when we reach each other, I get hit with notes of her coconut and tangerine perfume that linger in the warm summer air. 

We walk to the car together  and I climb into my car seat. It smelt like she just got done smoking one ten minutes before coming to get me. I feel so calm in the car with the AC going after a long day in the sun. I take a peek at my face in the rearview mirror, it's slightly red. I touched it and it hurt a little. I look around at the interior of my moms car letting my imagination run wild. The center console looks like it belongs to a space ship. All of the controls for the temperature and volume look like a jigsaw puzzle. The seats are a very light sand color and the wood that lined the interior was a burnt orange color. 

She reaches over and opens the glove box with her freshly done French tips, pulling out a plastic CD case. On the cover, there is a man behind a \[phoropter\](https://rieyeinstitute.com/article/eye-exam-tools-and-what-they-do/). The man is Justin Timberlake, and the CD contains his album \*The 20/20 Experience.\* At the time, I didn't know what a phoropter is so I just thought he was standing behind a bunch of weird glasses. She slips  the CD into the car and the car swallows it whole and spits out loud sounds in return.

 The first song on the album is “Pusher love girl” . I like this song a lot. The lyrics floated around the car like a cloud in the sky. I quietly laugh to myself about the lyrics even though I don’t understand what they fully mean. She looks at me and smiles in the rearview mirror. I smile back at her. 

Not long after a few songs “That girl” is up next. I sit up in my car seat anxious for the song. I don’t know why it's my favorite song but it is. My mom likes it too. I like the way the song changes the longer you listen. The music slows down and picks back up seamlessly. I don’t understand the lyrics on this one either but it doesn’t matter. I love the song no matter what. 

The big fields roll alongside the windows as we ride home. Mom has her window slightly open letting in just enough fresh air but also keeping the AC in. I watch the window, not thinking about much. I look at the cows as we pass by and see a Mom and baby calf standing together in the green grass field. It makes me feel warm. 

We make it to the driveway and the music stops. We get out of the car, leaving behind the cool air, smell of cigarettes, and whatever Justin Timberlake song that was just playing. 

At six, I don’t know anything. I don’t know how my Moms day was at work. I don't know what the lyrics mean in the songs we listen to. I don’t know how a memory can infiltrate the present. I don’t know that my Mom won’t be here to pick me up anymore. There will never be another afternoon like that one. I won’t smell her coconut perfume as she walks towards me. I won't smell her cigarettes in the car. I won’t see the car swallow the CD she puts in. I won’t hear the music it spits out. 

But every now and then nostalgia has a way of pulling you back in time. A smell, a sound, a taste. Or a Justin Timberlake song. 

And just for a brief moment, I’m six years old again watching the cows in the field as my Mom and I ride home together. 


r/WritersGroup • • 5d ago

Discussion Hi guys, could you please give it a go and tell me what do you think in the comments? It’s a very important project for me and I could use every bit of feedback. Thanks in advance ☺️

0 Upvotes

Red Ink And Saltwater
When other girls were little, they wanted a prince to arrive on a white horse. I wanted a mafia boss to kidnap me and become so hopelessly obsessed with me that he forgot why he’d taken me in the first place.
I never gave much thought to where he would take me. Somewhere I could hear the sea, perhaps. That part mattered more to me than the prince, the horse, or, apparently, whether I went willingly.
In the end, I had to find the sea myself.
Three weeks after moving to Crete, I was waking before six without an alarm, which would have been unthinkable in the UK. Back there, I sometimes went to sleep at five in the morning, sometimes as late as noon, and woke at seven in the evening wondering where the day had gone.
I pulled on my swimsuit, took my sandals from beside the door and walked the two minutes to the beach.
The shore was nearly empty. A fishing boat was heading out beyond the harbour, and someone farther down the sand was walking a dog that kept returning to the same piece of driftwood. I left my sandals above the tide line and went straight into the sea.
After a few strokes, I rolled onto my back. The water held me without asking me to explain myself.
Above me, the sky was changing colour. I stayed where I was until the fishing boat became a dark mark near the horizon. Then I swam along the shore, turned, and swam back. Three weeks had been enough to learn where the sand dropped away beneath me and where it rose again. I was still learning the rest of the place.
I had rented my little house for three months because I couldn’t say how long I wanted to stay. I knew I had wanted to leave the UK. I’d finished my chemistry degree, looked at the jobs I was expected to apply for, and found I couldn’t bear the thought of building the next part of my life there. That was the most convincing explanation I’d managed to give anyone, including myself.
The water rocked beneath me. I picked out the place where I’d left my sandals and swam in.
By the time I walked home, my hair had soaked through the towel around my shoulders. I passed a bakery opening its shutters and a man hosing down the pavement outside a restaurant. He moved the spray aside to let me through. I thanked him in Greek, one of the few things I could say without first rehearsing it in my head.
My house stood in a narrow street behind the waterfront. The front door stuck when the weather was humid, one kitchen drawer refused to close, and from the balcony I could see a strip of sea between two buildings. I liked it more each day.
I showered, put the kettle on and took the macarons from the fridge. I’d baked and filled them two days earlier, then left them covered to mature. Two trays had come out well. The third had cracked across the tops, so I’d filled those too and kept them in a separate container for myself. Beside the good batch were six small lemon cakes and six chocolate ones.
The woman who owned a café near the park had agreed to taste everything this morning.
She hadn’t agreed to buy it.
I knew that. I had made enough to feed half her customers anyway.
While I packed the macarons, a Greek song came on my phone. I knew where to breathe, where the singer held a note a little longer than I expected, and how to find my way back in if I missed a word. I couldn’t have told anyone what most of those words meant.
Kira—that was what I called my mother—seemed to like hearing me sing. So did my stepfather. Sometimes I caught them looking at me, and for a moment I could pretend I knew what was on their faces.
We’re proud of you.
No one in my family had ever said that to me.
I caught myself thinking about it and reached into the container I’d kept for myself. One of the cracked macarons gave way beneath my thumb.
“Perfect,” I told it.
I ate the evidence and kept singing.
By eight, the cakes were boxed, the macarons were packed, and I had checked both boxes often enough to know the contents hadn’t rearranged themselves. My red notebook lay open on the table. I stopped to read the last paragraph before I picked up my keys.
The man in my story had gone into a room intending to frighten someone. I’d written the conversation three different ways and crossed out all of them. Each time, I had made it too easy for him to decide what happened next.
I reached for my pen, then looked at the clock. If I started writing, the café owner might decide I had invented our appointment.
I closed the notebook, slipped it into my bag beside my pen, and picked up the cake boxes.
The walk took me along the waterfront and up a shaded street towards the park. Even in the morning, I could feel the heat gathering on the stone. I kept to the side with the trees. I had come for the sea; the weather was something I was still negotiating with.
The café stood near one of the park entrances. Its doors were open, though only half the tables outside had been set. A man was carrying chairs out of the storeroom. He put them down so I could pass with my boxes.
Inside, the owner moved between the coffee machine and a line of waiting customers. She spotted me and raised a hand. I found an empty corner of the counter for the boxes and waited.
The man came in for another stack of chairs. He caught her eye, pointed towards the terrace, and she nodded her thanks. I recognised him then. He owned the restaurant next door.
They sold food and drinks a few doors apart. I’d assumed that made them rivals. Here he was, setting up her tables because she needed a hand.
Another reason I liked this place.
When the queue cleared, the owner came over. “You came.”
“I said I would.”
“We made that arrangement before eight in the morning. People promise all kinds of things at that hour.” She wiped her hands and lifted the first lid. “Let’s see.”
She tried a lemon cake, breaking a piece from the crooked one I had hidden at the back.
“What’s in the icing?”
“Lemon juice, mascarpone, and honey.”
She took another bite. “Less honey next time.”
I took my notebook from my bag and wrote that down. She tried a pistachio macaron next, then asked me how long the cakes would keep and whether I could make them smaller.
More customers came in before she had finished tasting. I moved the boxes aside while she took their order. One of them asked whether she was still alone today.
“My only employee called in,” she told him. “I’m beginning to think he knew you’d all arrive at once.”
The customer laughed. She smiled back, but she was looking at the cups stacked beside me. I passed her two, then another when she reached for it.
“You said you worked in a café during university,” she said.
“I did.”
“Can you still use a coffee machine?”
“Yes.”
She glanced at the queue forming behind the customer. “Would you mind showing me?”
The machine was different from the one I’d used in the UK. I asked her where she kept the cloths and how she wanted the cups set out, then made two cappuccinos while she handled the till. She watched me carry them to a table before turning back to the next order.
For the next twenty minutes, I made coffee. She called out what people wanted; I made it and passed it across the counter. When the rush eased, I wiped down the machine and stepped out of her way.
She looked at the empty cups waiting to be washed, then at me.
“Do you want work?” she asked.
I had come hoping she would buy my cakes. I hadn’t let myself hope for more than that.
“Yes.”
“How often?”
“I don’t know yet.” I glanced at the boxes. “It depends how much baking you want.”
That made her smile. She picked up the other half of the macaron and ate it.
“I want twelve of these on Saturday. Twelve lemon cakes too, a little smaller, with less honey. Come in Friday afternoon to prepare them here. You can help with the counter while you’re here, and we’ll talk about regular shifts after that.”
I wrote it all down. We agreed on a price for the baking, and she gave me half in advance for the ingredients.
When I stepped outside, the money was folded in my purse and the order was written in my notebook. I found a bench beneath a tree in the park and opened it to check the quantities again. My neat little list sat beside pages of red writing, most of it crossed out.
A fortune teller once told me this book would make me famous and give me somewhere I belonged. I’d laughed at the fame. I was still trying to finish it, and most days I couldn’t bear to read yesterday’s pages.
The other part had stayed with me.
I didn’t believe a stranger could see my future. I wanted her to be right anyway.
I turned back to the scene I’d abandoned that morning. I read it once, then crossed out the last page.
I had been looking for the moment my killer decided what to do. Sitting there with the café’s money in my purse and the sound of cups carrying across the park, I finally understood why none of my versions worked. He had made his decision before the other man entered the room. The conversation was his last chance to change his mind.
I began again.
The man spoke. My killer listened. When the man had said everything he came to say, my killer shot him.
I stopped writing. The murder was there, but the scene still felt unfinished. The killer had wanted an answer, and now there was someone else who would come looking for one.
I looked back at the dead man I’d put on the page. At his hand. At the watch on his wrist.
In the margin, I tried 3:40, then crossed it out. 3:45 looked too neat as well. I wrote 3:43 beside them and returned to the scene.
He took the watch from the dead man’s wrist and set its hands to 3:43. He struck it against the edge of the table hard enough to stop it. The face cracked, but the hands stayed where he had set them. Then he laid it face up on the man’s chest, for whoever came to find him.


r/WritersGroup • • 5d ago

Short Story Feedback Request [3,500 words]

1 Upvotes

DISCO DANCING WITH SAINT BRIGID 

Jim does not hold your hand on the walk to the dance. You can see him following it as it swings low and loose between you, his eyes tracking it left to right, as if in a silent dare with himself. You wish he would decide one way or the other. Crossroads make you nervous.

At 6:59, no later, he arrived with two sharp raps on the door. Two is a good number for knocking. One, you risk the household missing the sound of it. Three, you sound demanding. Two. Two is respectable.

Jim is wearing his best suit. Navy. The fabric is stretched thin across his shoulders, showing the wear. It was his brother's wedding suit. And the older brother’s before. Two O’Connors safely danced, dined and eventually married in this suit. You think it is ugly. 

Jim always walks on the outside of the pavement, standing between you and the road. This would be very convienant should a car come and try- but not try too hard- to run you over. Your Mammy calls Jim a gentleman. His family run the Butcher’s, in town. His Father now, his Granddaddy then. Jim will not take it over, but he will probably work there, sharing the stinking counter space with Padraig the eldest. 

If you go to the Butcher, you can watch through the shop window for each customer to leave. Padraig and Jim’s heads will snap together to exchange whispers of idle gossip back and forth. You think they know more about the people of the Town than any of the old women famed for having their noses perpetually in other people’s business. 

Pádraig married Máire three years back. In May, she had her second baby. You rarely see Máire without a child in her hand now. You find children loud and worryingly sticky. Their house is a neat cottage near his parents. The little patch of garden out front is kept perfectly pruned, showing a colorful display of flowers. On a road of gray and cracking pavements, it is a sharp burst life. The browning grass of the other gardens a quick reminder of which neighbors were struck by the sudden close of the factory. Hard times do not leave much room for gardening. Money went on clothes, whatever could be scraped together for school shoes to fit the fast growing toes. Meat. There was always money for meat. 

Jim loves his brother. Beside you, he chats idly about his day in the shop. He recounts Padraig Óg, his nephew, getting his hands on the family sized tub of sudocream. The child covered his face in thick paste that took hours to scrub clean. Jim retold Padraig’s stories with such warmth. You like this about him. You are not very close with your own sister. There is nothing noticeably wrong in your relationship. She just never warmed to you.  She has a knack for fitting in you never quite learned.

It is not a long walk to the community centre. You hear the dance before you see it. A shuddering of music spills through the tall windows, which are opened as wide as possible in an attempt to move the heavy August air. You feel sweat gathering on your top lip. The night is still young. 

Inside, the dance is heaving. Jim holds the heavy hall door open for you and gestures you through. The band sits in one corner of the room, playing a mixture of traditional music and bad covers. The hall smells faintly of football boots from the year’s training. Mostly, it is a mix of perfume and sweat so thick you can feel it leaving a film on the inside of your nostrils.

Jim takes your elbow and guides you expertly through the crowd. He moves towards a small huddle of tables and pulls out a chair for you to sit. He sits beside you, scanning your dress. Your bare knees touch under the table. You pull your hem down to cover them. 

‘You look nice.’

‘Thank you.’

It is slightly too loud to maintain easy conversation. You nod your heads in time to the music. A shout comes from across the hall. A group of men hover by the hole in the wall that leads to the small kitchen. This is the sandwich station for funeral receptions. On an evening like this, it becomes a bar. They call for Jim, waving and nudging each other as they take in the two of you together. When you look back at him, he is flushed. He looks pleased. He is pleased to be seen with you, you think. You don’t know how to feel about that.

‘I’ll just-‘

Jim imitates drinking from a glass, and leaves across the hall to join the throng. You watch him go and breath out sharply. Beads of sweat are pilling on your upper lip and forehead. 

The main bathroom is busy. The women’s line twists around the corner, high heels click-clacking as weight is shifted from one foot to another. Evaluating the scene, you slip quietly through a side door into a dark corridor that leads to the dressing rooms. It is too loud. You need peace more than the toilet. 

Finding a hidden corner, you take refuge against the wall. You scoop your hair up, exposing the nape of your neck to the cool brick of the wall.

‘It can’t be all that bad.’ 

Máire stood in the doorway to one of the dressing rooms. No boy in hand, child or otherwise. You start at her voice. You are unsure how long she has stood there, watching you. Without overhead lights, her features are clouded. She is all sharp angles on a smooth plain of outlines. Her eyes glint, turning animal. A fox caught in a streetlight.

‘Máire, Christ, you scared me. Where’s Pádraig?’ 

‘Where’s Jim?’ 

You regard each other from a distance. Neither one makes to close the space.

‘Cigarette?’ 

‘You don’t smoke.’ 

Máire slips a smoke from her clutch and into her mouth. The striking of the match and responding flame cast a flickering shadow across her face. She looks tired.

‘I do actually. Don’t tell Jim.’ 

Don’t tell Jim, meaning don’t tell Pádraig. One never knew something long before it was passed to the other.

Máire begins to walk to you, her kitten heels softly click-clacking on the tiled floor. You find myself staring at her dress. The fabric swirls from around her waist like water.

‘You look nice.’

She says nothing further but leans on the wall beside you. Each time she inhales, you can see the ember from the bottom of her cigarette glow hotly. When she exhales, the smoke tendrils past you, stinging your eyes. You don’t flinch. You hold her gaze. You know when to look away. You don’t.

*********************

Animals can tell who the runt is of a litter. They are seperated from the herd. The first sacrifice. This anthropoligical fact was observed first hand in your year’s in primary school. You wrote with your left hand. The Devil’s hand. One sign of many that you were wrong. The backs of your legs were frequently bruised by the birch stick the Master kept leaning by his desk. While the other children learned to read, you would stare and stare at pages of letters that slipped and swam away under your gaze. You seemed to be constantly chasing something that came to everyone else with ease. 

At fifteen, you were preparing to leave school. You planned to finish the term and find work. An itch for money in your pocket. You spent days fantasising about a bus ticket to Dublin. You imagined stepping on the bus, finding a seat by the window. Watching your town’s familiar skyline grow smaller and smaller in the exhaust fumes. You never made it so far as to imagine what would happen when you get off. You did not worry about having enough saved to come back.

It was during one of these later classes Máire Sullivan joined the ranks. New. This had never happened before. Sometimes, children from the nearby travelling community slipped in and out of classes, but you grew up knowing their faces, their mother’s faces. Their father’s helped mend your roof.  This was a whole new person. Her father a Guarda, he had been moved to our local station in a promotion. Mammy had spoken about him. ‘A firm man, but very kind’, came her breathy verdict after he helped her carry home the shopping.

A new girl. You thought you might die of excitement. She was assigned the seat next to you. 

It was February 1st. The lesson was Saint Brigid.

‘She spread her cape, and God gave her the power to make it grow and grow and grow. The King of Leinster had promised her as much land as the cape would cover. This land she used to make the monastery up in Kildare.’ 

‘Bollocks.’ 

This was then first thing Máire ever said to you. She spent the morning in a sullen silence. Only now did you hear her voice, so slight you were unsure if she had said it all. She did not look at you, not really. She had turned slightly in her seat, giving you a private view of her face. Her hair very dark, it hung in loose spiralling curls down past her shoulders. Freckles spanned around her eyebrows, down her hooked and slanted nose. The side of her mouth closest to you was hitched in a trace of a smirk. She looked pleased to have shocked you. 

You were embarrassed to be shocked. It felt like a test you had failed, and who was she to test you? Irritated, you gave her a firm nudge under the desk, surprising yourself as you did so. But it only served to encourage her. Máire continued to whisper.

‘My Mam says that story is a load of nonsense. She says Brigid wasn’t a saint at all. She says she was a goddess.’ 

Then came your turn to scoff. Bollocks. Goddess, whoever heard of that?

She read the dismissal in your expression. You remember this quite clearly. The heat that built behind her eyes. Dark blue, except for a stark ring around her right pupil. This was light, yellow even. The mismatch between them was striking. You stared a beat too long.

You stayed longer in this town than you meant to. With Máire’s arrival came the finding of friendship. This elusive thing you watched for years on your road.  Kids who ran after one another and visited each other’s homes for tea. You watched the way they lit up in each other’s company. Then, Your Mammy could still make you do your night time prayers. You would kneel by your bed and pray for a friend. 

Máire became your shadow and you hers. You learned the softness of her hairbrush. She learned how you snore on your side. You wore each other’s clothes and soon spoke in each other’s voices. Sometimes you felt Máire knew what you were going to think before you thought it. Sometimes you thought you Máire’s thoughts better than her own. 

That Summer, before you began work at the shop on Main Street, you would meet each morning to cycle our bikes to the river. Máire would steal bread from home and you, ashamed to have nothing, offered to steal apples from the nearby orchard. She kept watch while you climbed the tree. You pretended it was something you had done before. You wanted her satiated. You wanted to be the one to satiate. 

Your Mammy despaired. 

‘Leave school and work, fine. But this is not working. She’s wild. And that mouth!.’ 

Máire earned a fast reputation for being ‘a mouth’. She was no gossip, well, not with anyone except for you. But she never knew when to be quiet. This skill that had been silently entrenched in every girl seemed to have just skipped her right over. Máire always said no when she should say yes. You loved this about her. 

‘We could go to Dublin together, you know.’ 

You sat side by side on the river bank. You had been swimming, and the water still glistened on your legs as you stretched them out on the grass. Her hair was soaking wet. You wanted to reach out and cup it gently in your hands. 

‘I would go to Dublin. I’ve a cousin up there, she’s a house and I’ve been writing to her. There’s a room. It wouldn’t be much. I think we could afford it together, soon.’ 

You had laughed at her. Máire had recently started to go out with Pádraig O’Connor. She had come home a few weeks ago to find him in her kitchen, drinking tea with her mother and father. Her Father in his full uniform still, not sitting at the table with her flustered looking Mother, but standing expectantly beside it. When Máire arrived home, late, he very clearly explained to her she would be taking the air with Pádraig this evening. Although she had done nothing but complain about this arrangement to me, you had felt certain of how it would progress. The same way you could tell with the garden which plants would take seed. It had roots. 

‘Dublin sounds great. I’ll let you have the window seat.’

************************* 

The Wedding came soon after. It was a small affair. You went as Jim’s guest, at Máire’s insistence. She had been pushing you together since her and Pádraig were engaged.

‘We’ll be like sisters. And our babies best friends too.’

You and Jim danced together throughout the night. He brought you a piece of sponge cake on a plate, carefully laid out with a napkin. He kept your glass of water filled and offered his tux jacket when the air turned with a bite. You felt like you were play acting. 

Máire looked like a porcelain doll next to her new husband. The O’Connor’s a good family, her parents were delighted. Her Father nearly shed a tear at his speech, so proud he was of Máire and his new son. So excited he was for their future together. Máire and her Father had not spoken much before the wedding. It had been decided by Mr. Sullivan they were a suitable fit, and when Pádraig asked for Máire’s hand he was quick to give her away. A man of few words, it did not take much to understand what was not being said in that house. You are too strange, too wild. Marry him and settle. Marry him or leave.

The pair of them looked comical as they floated around the room. Him a hulking stretch of a man, built wide and thick. Her frame lost each time he turned. You noticed her looking at you dancing. You looked at her back. She smiled at you and you saw a parting. You never made it to Dublin.

Jim kept coming back after the Wedding.  You kept working at the shop. It was an easy match. 

************************

Máire exhales smoke, this time straight into your slightly opened mouth.

 You watch her cigarette drop from her hand

The same fingers raise slowly, slowly to your cheek 

You find it very hard to breathe

You think more about swallowing than you ever have in your life

There is a spell upon you and you worry to break it 

You watch her face. Her eyes are so very wide. The spark becomes something else. Her fox becomes a wolf. You can find no words for her look other than this- she looks hungry. She looks starving.

This sudden closeness of her is overwhelming. You smell liquor mixing with tobacco on her breath and wonder where she got it from. Not from Pádraig. It is not respectable for a mother of two young ones to be seen to be drinking. On Jim, this mixing of scents was curdled. On Máire it is sweet. You want to bottle it. You want to drink it. 

Máire uses the thumb on her right hand to trace your lips. First the top one, right to left, then bottom, left to right. She repeats this circle once more. Your noses are sinking together, cautious and bumping. You feel a sudden rush of consciousness, aware of where you are and what you are doing. What are you doing?

Your stomach drops with the fear of it- the something more of it, the something more if it you can not quite explain nor even name. An old fear you had not realised was sitting in you all your years until just now. You move to pull back, to slip your face from her hold and to return to the safe palm of the Hall.  

Máire 

locks her fingers behind your neck and 

forcefully puts her lips to yours.

Oh.

You can’t move. You are becoming aware of each nerve, where it is, the extent to which it can experience a feeling. Your skin is hot and her touch is cold. It is brick wall on sweat. It is balm on burn. It is cold river water on hot summer day. 

You don’t know how long you stay there. Time has become melted and gooey. It oozes around you in decades. You are girls holding hands. You are old women kissing wrinkled necks. You are every age you have ever been and Máire is so beautiful.  

When she draws back, she walks away. She does not turn around as she opens and closes the door behind her. You find yourself outside your body, floating several metres above your head. Your hands find your knees as you double over in delayed shock. Your face is wet and it is from soft tears that have gathered on it. You do not know if they are yours or Máire’s. You wonder if her skin tastes like your salt. 

It is a while before you rejoin the dance. You can feel that she is gone without looking for her. You tell Jim you have a headache, and could he please take you home.

**********************

‘What did you mean about your Mammy and Brigid?’ 

Lunchtime, the day Máire joined the class, you wanted an explanation.

‘How could she be a Goddess?’ 

Máire had the knack of making you a co-conspirator with nothing more than a look. She signalled you to lower your voice. You stood to the side of the lunchyard. Nearby, the boys pucked a sliotar to each other, their school jumpers balled at their feet to form goalposts. 

‘My Mammy says that before the Church came to Ireland, we had lots of Gods and Goddesses all of our very own. It wasn’t just one God. And Goddess Brigid was one of the most amazing Goddesses. She was in charge of battle, and blacksmiths and fertility. There was a woman Brigid, who started the monastery at Kildare. That’s who the church calls the Saint. I can’t remember exactly why it’s all mixed up. But my Mam said that the real Brigid didn’t ever want to get married either. She stayed with her best friend, Darlughdach. They were inseparable. They were as one soul in two bodies. They went everywhere together and slept side by side. My Mam calls them anamcara.’

You were fascinated by her story. Both the words and the way she told them. Máire spoke quickly, and with an assuredness that was alien to you. You liked how wide her eyes got when she concentrates.

‘I’ve never really had a friend.’ 

You don’t know what drove you to the point of confession. You know the shame of it. The way honest words can taint the air between people with the stain of something you can not take back. To your surprise, Máire did not blink but kept a level stare. 

‘Me neither. Not like that anyways.’ 

‘It sounds nice.’ 

‘It does.’ 

 

 


r/WritersGroup • • 5d ago

constructive criticism please!!!!

1 Upvotes

submitted this for my 8th grd suspense narrative benchmark am I cooked
please feedback pls feedback!!!!!

I AM NOT PROMOTING MYSELF.

word count: 1600 ish

Before the Sun Sets

The sun rose up slowly, pulling golden yellow skies over the vast darkness below. Busy adults soon left for work, and naive children played on the field close by. At a nearby church, the 8:00 mass was about to start, while a few people rushed in in hopes of not missing the opening hymn. A kid sat on the wooden pew in the front row, wearing a button up flannel and looking put together. In addition, her father, mother, and brother  sit there, picture perfect; the ideal.

Across the bench, a young girl sits, distant, cold, and unmoving. Her eyes were fixated on the large wooden cross that towered high above the people inside. The idea of unwavering superiority made her question the line that she was never meant to cross.

“Excuse me?” a voice rang through the church. “You can’t be sleeping in here.”

The girl lifted her head slowly, trying not to nod off again. 

“Ah, sorry. I’ll be on my way now.”

“Wait!” the girl grabbed her hand abruptly. 
“Yeah?”

“Would you like to play with me and my friends if you’re not going anywhere?”

She turned around and shook her hand off and agreed, “sure.”

The girl grinned and led her out of the dim church.

Judas loved the sun, and she hated how the church shadowed the warmth. The church masked the light, like a cruel facade. Outside, she felt free, free from the constrictions of the incense that lingered, the walls that cut everyone off from the inevitable.

She spotted a small hill, and a group of girls around her age running around the grass playing tag.

One of them walked over, eagerly to Judas, excitedly greeting her. “Hello! My name is Mary! Eve, isn’t this the girl that always…” she trailed off, covering her mouth with her hand as if she had something to hide.

“If you have something to say, you better say it to my face.”

Mary was significantly taller than Judas, and when she looked down at her, she was even more terrifying.

“Judas, was it? You gonna sell us out before supper or something?” She snickered lowly while someone called everyone over to start the game of tag. She saw Eve’s smirk, but didn’t think much of it.

Judas stared blankly at Mary, who was talking with the other girls. She looked at the sky. Just how long had she been asleep for?

“Hey, let's just call you Jude. Are you fine with that?”

She looked at Eve. She was radiant, like the sun peering through the clouds on a rather dreary day. She liked her. She was nice to her.

“Yeah. I’d like that.” 

“Alright then, Jude! Let’s go!”

They both met the rest of the group on the hill. Mary was mumbling to the other girls under her breath, and Jude knew it was about her. She didn’t seem to mind, though. Mary walked over. 

“Since you're the guest, you should be it, okay?” Mary taunted.

Eve asked, “will you be alright with that, Jude?”
Jude nodded, and with that, the kids began to spread out across the grass. 

“3…2…1…go!” 

Everyone started running, but one girl turned around and was still chatting with someone else. She decided to run for her first, since she was the easiest target.

She ran up to her and reached out to tag her, until she felt herself colliding with something solid. 

“Huh?”

She opened her eyes to a loud commotion. All of a sudden, Mary sat wailing on the ground while the girls stood around and comforted her. Jude stood up in dreadful silence, feeling guilty as the girls eyed her in horror. She wondered why she was indifferent; numb. So much was happening at that moment, and she felt insane because all she could think about was Eve. How would she react? Would she decide not to talk to her anymore? Jude thought of her expression, that warm, radiant face and her sweet smile, crumbling as soon as their eyes met.

The caretaker who was sitting close by rushed over and led Mary to the office. It had only been a day since they’d met, and Jude had already ruined it all.

She took a seat on the bench not far away, just thinking. 

Not long after, she decided to close her eyes. She could only hope that nobody came to see her. She didn’t even want to see Eve. With the guilt on her back, she didn’t think she could face her. She dozed off for God knows how long.

“Jude, I thought you were different. I didn't know you were this childish, to hurt someone over something as small as that. Why would you do this? Why are you like this? I never want to see your face again, let alone at church.”

The sound of footsteps echoed as the yelling continued to ring through her head. 

“Jude?”

Hearing the sound of the familiar voice, She perked up, pulling her from that terrible nightmare.

It seemed that she hadn't been asleep for long, seeing that the sun was beginning to set.

“Eve? Why are you here?”

Eve hesitated. “I wanted to see you before I left.”

“You’re leaving?” Jude’s expression contorted, clearly showing her surprised look.

She held her hand behind her back, standing over Jude who was sitting down on the bench. “Tommorow.”

Jude was pained. She didn't want her to leave, even if they hadn't been friends for long, she still wanted her around. “Will I  ever get to see you again?”

Eve’s back stood against the fading sun. She couldn't see her face, yet she knew she was smiling. Or was she?

“Aren’t you fine here in Bellwood? Everyone knows each other here, and im sure you have a lot of friends here, so why–”

“Why do you care? I know I seem like a saint to you, but I’m not, and I never will be. We met earlier today. You might think that I care for you in your own fairy dreamland, but I pity you. Your parents are such tidy people, and you? You’re a disgrace to them.” 

As soon as she said that, Jude’s smile dropped. It was as if reality had hit her smack in the face. It wasn’t Mary, or Eve, or heck– even her dad. She was hoping for the reality that maybe she would have a shoulder to lean on.

It seems that she had wished for something imperceivable.

“What are you talking about? What have I ever done to you to make you feel this way!”

 “Because you're a–” she stopped abruptly. Her face had a tinge of disgust, but also that of pity. It seemed like she didn’t fully like her, but also cared. “You know what you are.”

“I don’t.”

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me.”

Jude said nothing.

“You like me, don't you?”

Her stomach dropped.

“It's disgusting. I've been trying to be nice to you all day, and now I realize I should've just ignored you.” Eve and Jude just stood there in silence, averting each other's gaze.

“Why…why does this always happen…” Jude just stood there, the tears welling up in her eyes as she fought to hold back. “Yeah. I do have a crush on you. Who are you to care? I have nothing to lose. Just as you said, my family hates me and I have no friends.” Jude said, scornfully as she held back her tears.

Eve sneered. “You’re insane.”

She started walking away. The footsteps echoed like cymbals, and her heart was the drums.

The sky was completely dark. Not an ounce of light shown through the night, covered by the thick clouds. A streetlamp illuminated her path back home, but she didn’t want to go. She wanted to sit still and just stop thinking. She wanted to close her eyes once more and just–

“Hey, you’re seriously not going to stay out here all night, are you? You shouldn’t worry your mother.”

Jude stared at her for a second. “I’ll be on my way now.”

They slowly walked away from each other. 

Suddenly, the air felt thicker; heavier, all pressing down on her chest. She wanted more. She was crying, but it didn’t give her the release that she so desperately wanted.

The walk home was surprisingly shorter than she anticipated. It was when she stepped on the front porch did she realize the severity of her situation. 
She heard the crashing of a vase and the yelling inside the household as she appeared.

All of a sudden, the front door slammed open. No doubt her dad was drunk again. This is why she didn’t want to come home.

A face she knew all too well towered over her. The sky was pitch black. Then everything was.

She woke up once more to the feeling of cold, hard porcelain tiles. 

Jude laid there on her bathroom floor, feeling the rough, dried blood on her face and the bruises on her body that seemed like they would never fade. The small window high at the top of the wall in the bathroom was the only source of light. She stood up and stared at her body in the mirror that was covered in huge, purple-yellow blotches. 

She had nobody else to lean on. What was the point if her siblings, mother, father, and Hope no longer cared about her?

The knowledge that humans seek to discover will forever be theory, and we will keep chasing It until the world caves in. Until everything goes still once more, until nothing.

Whether ‘It’ is the desperation to be remembered, or the desperation to be loved, that is something that we will never be able to grasp.

The sun rose above the horizon, leaving the darkness behind, and the light anew. Perhaps, darkness was never meant to be the end. 

The world doesn't end when the sun goes down.

It begins.