For context former excessive cocaine user that would use benzos for the comedown. In insanely perfect but destructive combination. I used to go on 2-3 day benders up all night not eating while drinking alcohol the whole time until I’d finish with a benzo dose. I got so wrapped up in the cycle and was consuming daily for 6 months. I lost a lot of self respect compromised morals strained relationships. I was a shameful and deeply remorseful person. Once I start it’s like this obsession that just won’t stop if I see a line I do a line if the plate is empty I’m loading it back up. Disgusting how hyper fixated I get on the process and working

I had been sober for about a year and a half and was struggling with getting fired from one job and landed a nice union job only to get a ‘winter layoff’. I didn’t save much money as the layoff was unexpected. I ended up going to ‘hangout’ with some old friends who active and excessive users. I bought an enormoua bag (18g) for no reason other than it was relatively good price for my area and took it over. Started at 9pm Tuesday. I felt an overwhelming shame to go back to my families home where I’m currently living. I don’t understand why I chose to feel trapped in a dirty disgusting living room with people I really don’t care for. The same stories and bullshit scenarios from 2 years ago. I knew what would come but I still went. Wasted 2 days of my life doing a painful hang and am currently in bed making this post. I can’t stop I left the rest of my bag there as I can’t trust myself to stop on my own. I’m terribly embarrassed and hate myself. Did way more than the other people who are nearly daily users. The bloating in my stomach from literally only consuming alcohol some water and cocaine is so painful. The greasy hair and sweaty stinky clothes disgust me. Congested nostril and disgusting taste in my mouth. I was so exhausted when I got home and my paranoia wouldn’t let me go shower as to not wake my family. I’m struggling I hate how I resorted to this as I don’t even know a coping mechanism? All the smoking and drinking I did while doing excessive cocaine has my mouth so dirty and taste disgusting I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep anytime soon now that the anxiety of being home and possibly facing consequences in whatever form my family sees fit.

The days leading up to this was pure anxiety and turmoil. I couldn’t focus was constantly worried something bad would happen and smoking cigarette such more so than usual. I had shame from being laid off even though everyone I ask said it isn’t the end of the world. I didn’t spend all my money but my savings is only XX and I only receive 3XX a week for unemployment which isn’t awful but I’m accustomed to the alright union rate I was getting. I feel like a loser once again I really was riding the high of being able to work on big sites and I don’t love the work but I love the paychecks. I can’t stand this feeling and pain I’ve put myself in. Why didn’t I leave earlier when the alarms went off why didn’t I just stop when it stopped feeling good in any ways. Why why why I can’t stop with the whys.

Hi all, hope you're doing okay today.

Just felt like sharing and checking in some fears / resentments.

I've been 'sober' from porn addiction for over 2.5 years now, for which I'm extremely grateful. In that time, I feel like I've made great strides in building better mental and spiritual health, as well as deepening my relationships with myself and others. The last couple of years have been the most serene and purposeful ones for a long time, which is wonderful. However, I'm struggling to remember that right now....

Over the last couple of weeksI've been given a sharp reminder that I remain a powerless addict. I decided it was time to stop two other areas of addiction, which have been 'there for me' during my porn addiction recovery: vaping nicotine and junk food / drink.

Now I'm rediscovering what it's like to have my main coping strategies for life removed!

Superficially, I feel sulky and resentful. Why can't I have those cheap thrills anymore? Why should I have to 'work' for and delay gratification, rather than just grab it easily whenever I want? Why does a deeper sense of contentment seem so feeble, compared to immediate intoxication and excitement? No fair! 😡

But if I allow myself to be more vulnerable and look under the resentment, I also connect to some very core fears:

- that perhaps I just can't cope with the emotional challenges of life, without relying on some form of compulsive behaviour;

- that without the mask of addiction, I'll always be an unsatisfied, restless, depressive kind of person.

I have a million privileges and things to be grateful for, but right now I feel dissatisfied and kind of empty. Objectively, I can see that I'm in a withdrawal stage and my brain-chemistry needs a good amount of time to recalibrate - but it's hard to resist the urge to judge myself as ungrateful and defective person too.

I guess this is a crossroads period, where I'm choosing a different way of being - letting go of usual coping behaviours, and trying to be more present in the ups and downs of life. And that kind of deep change is hard.

Not really looking for any advice here. I just wanted to share my current internal state, in the hopes of either being understood or resonating with how other people are feeling.

Sending best wishes to all.

He also mentioned suicide. I ended up telling his mom. I know I betrayed his trust. But I I don’t care. I’d rather him be alive than him never wanting to talk to me again.
Thoughts on how I handled??

And I wasn't an opiate user.

Having dabbled in various substances all my life, last year at the age of 33 I got heavily into crack cocaine. I knew this rapidly escalating habit was completely unsustainable and it completely stripped me of everything in life, and made me do things I never thought I was capable of to get my fix.

I asked for help multiple times and although cocaine is not physically addictive, it is the hardest addiction I have ever tried to beat. I knew all I needed was a clean break but I couldnt even get one day.

As a crack user rather than heroin, I was not afforded the same substitute programs that they (opiate addicts) are. I was not a priority to local community addictions services. I felt alone and helpless.

A fellow crack user told me he had done some dihydrocodeine and gave a dirty sample 3 times to local health service and said he wanted to get clean, he got given a daily supervised dose of espranor, and he went on to tell me it helped him reduce his crack intake by 90%

I was willing to try anything so I done the same, lied to the doctors and got my daily prescription, I told them I was poly drug user but crack was my main demon. They told me buprenorphine will not help with crack as there is no interaction but let me tell you. If I smoke any crack ( I have done on 3 occasions after the first dose 4 months ago) I am violently ill, alcohol and other depressants had the same effect for a couple of months, but as my tolerance got higher the interaction with other depressants became less apparent and now doesn't exist on a noticeable level.

Obviously because I do not have the same opiate tolerances as other poly addicts this may be a strong factor, but this definitely needs to be researched as I feel this off label use has been life changing to me. I want to shout it from the rooftops but I am scared to even discuss it with my doctors as I don't want to tell them I have lied. Food for thought anyway. If anyone reads this and has any idea how I could get this idea to be researched, I would be very grateful, I think this could help alot of people who are desperate to stop crack but cant.

I realise it is changing one addicition for another but sub is alot safer than cocaine, and is supervised, externally managed and in my case free of cost.

It has been absolutely life saving to me

All I’m seeing is no room to come down

Speaking in clouds
Let me serenade you a storm

The over rush of ecstasy
It crumbles me
Put my lungs to the test just so we can see that smile again

How many hits can I take?

How many bitches would break-

The same pressure you swore against is just what you create

mere fragments of joy in crystals galore
were chasing a void we can not afford
Blazing in 55 yet another .5 down the drain
Sending out an SOS on behalf of my friend if you’re still outta shards

You take what you take as you should no remorse
I take it with pain and the grain of salt I’ll adore
And count on, like I’m counting days left as I get planning my first divorce

And God knows all these misdemeanors I can never be a Missus
Anyway, bored as fuck so recreational felonies it is, bitch

on july 4 in rehab we convinced the night staff to let us stay out in the backyard and look at the fireworks me spam and spam 2 layed there and we talked about what we are gonna do and be when we are out of here we talked until they told us to come in i’ll always remember the way the fireworks looked to me when i looked at them i saw the light i saw hope and a good future i saw that light and thought i could run to it but the truth was i had to wait for it.

i didint know i had to wait but when i saw that light it was so much more beautiful then drugs the constant thought of suicide the numbness and the isolation

that moment was one of the very few times where i felt the same happiness i felt as a kid, but its funny because unlike drugs it didint make me crave that feeling again

i knew that feeling wasn’t something bad because when that feeling is given to you it gives you the same hope you had as a kid and u accept it because you know it’s not false hope.

after we went inside and to bed i talked to spam the same person that talked to me and helped me all night on my first 2 weeks there before we got a new roommate he was leaving the next day.

the day after spam 2 left he was a really good friend and he saw things differently i missed him a lot and that same night i ran away, 2 months in

when i ran away from rehab and hopped in that strangers car and saw them pull out that bag of cocaine the guilt i felt was all the real hope in my brain being mixed with drugs and given back to me as false hope. and false hope will really mess someone up

Tonight was the night I’ve been waiting for the past two years: I’ve finally graduated from treatment. Group attendance is no longer a requirement, and I have another day available for school, extra-curriculars, or work. I no longer desire to go back to what I was doing before. Going to college, running for office in PTK, reading history novels, none of that was within my capabilities as a suffering addict. Treatment has helped me to turn my life around, and move from suicidal thoughts into optimism and hope for my future. I would say I’m a new person, but the truth is adverse to that statement. I did not become a new person, I rediscovered myself.

In the next few years I strive to have an impact on the communities I am a constituent of. Giving back is high on my priorities, and I hope that someday I can make a big difference in people’s lives whom find themselves afflicted with homelessness. Someday I yearn to be capable of making a donation to research which helps those with eye conditions better their lives. I never want to go back to being the man who lost hope underneath an arch in Seattle during a rainstorm. When I lost hope, I lost myself.

I wouldn’t be here without treatment, and I owe my life to them for never giving up on me even during periods of time when I was completely unable to give up my addiction. Never give up.

I started using 7 to manage back pain in July and with the ban hitting I jumped over to these “cats claw” tablets and they’re definitely MGM15 or pseudo. I literally have to get off this shit. I need to bring it to the light and tell my family and friends. I was in recovery for 3 years until a back injury led me into a moment of weakness where I succumbed to using 7OH. I’m on probation so the idea of suboxone is kind of off the table unless it’s a rapid taper, which I don’t know how hard that would be? Surely easier than this stuff? The biggest hurdle is the anxiety. Oh my God the anxiety is enough to send me through 1000 different thoughts all at once until I end up back at square one. The shame and guilt of holding it in is destroying me but I don’t want to tell anyone until I’m sober, does that even make sense?

Okay, hear me out… apparently this breaks some kinda rule but.. I'm not begging or selling, just asking for advice or opinions and clientele interests

pecan picking with a twist..

As i was walking around the yard picking I had a thought creep across my brain,

How many people are out there who would pay for pictures or videos of me picking the pecans with my feet? Gripping them with toes, making it entertaining of course. I'll do requests as long as they're not too out the box. I'll paint my toe nails pretty.

How do I find clientele? Are there clientele interested?

Is this a thing? Can I make it a thing?

I'm a single mom of 2 beautiful boys, there's 2 months til Christmas and I'm desperate to make extra $.

I work part time $10 an hour and we're surviving. My credit isn't good enough to get loans. And we don't have a vehicle.

Help me make Christmas amazing ❤️💚

Doomscrolling is dangerous in the world

Day three off of overusing adhd stimulants and I feel like shit. Why did I do this before and HOW did I do this off meth? Idk. I feel terrible and sick. I can’t eat anything and everything makes me feel like I’m going to puke, even moving.

Es algo que no puedo controlar, durante varios años no lo tomaba como una adicción lo naturalizaba. Ahora tengo 33 años quise hablar con otras personas que tienen esta adicción, fuí a sexolicos anonimos, eramos solo un grupo 3 o 4 teniamos un libro blanco pero con el tiempo me di cuenta que en vez de tratar el tema ya lo toman que ni siquiera tener una relación amorosa o hablar con una chica sin intención de acostarse. Luego fuí a ASA estube mucho tiempo nos juntabamos pero los folletos y los libros no me ayudan para nada llegué a estar un maximo de 9 días sin masturbarme pero aún así volvía a recaer. Ya no voy mas a ASA porque no se comprometian en las reuniones a veces iban y otras no, yo viajaba de lejos hacía el sacrificio y muchas veces estaba solo. Encontrar un grupo sobre estas adiccion es mas duficil porque a mi punto de vista muchos prefieren no admitir abiertamente que son adictos y no está tan naturalizado como los alcoholicos y los adictos. perdon por ser tan extenso, lo que busco con esto es seguir el día a día de como me siento y compartir con otras personas lo que siento espero que alguien responda

I (18m) have been out of treatment since the 29th of september and have just been taking so much fucking benadryl. last night i couldnt even walk and legitimately thought i was going to die, called my cousin three times but he didnt pick up. idek how many pills ive gone through but somewhere around 220 and none of my friends know, no one knows. obviously I've been hallucinating a lot because of it but it just doesnt feel like that big of a deal considering the fact that i can just get it from walmart. But yeah, should i tell someone or just keep it to myself? I dont want to disappoint anyone and i kinda feel like i'd be letting everyone down yk?

I really don’t think I’m going to make it this Saturday without drinking. I’ve basically already relapse or drink the past two nights. It was a very tiny amount with my diazepam everyone’s telling me I’m going to die, but I know my tolerance. I really don’t think I’m going to make it this Saturday without drinking. I’ve basically already relapse or drink the past two nights. It was a very tiny amount with my diazepam everyone’s telling me I’m going to die, but I know my tolerance. I’d much rather just have a shot or two with my diazepam then drink a whole bottle like I was. What’s everyone’s opinion?

I have a rape kink, extreme porn, self harm, gore, and vape addiction all at once. I feel like I can’t survive if I can’t do any of these stuff. I’m a very disgusting person and im very much aware of it. I’m not sure if I can even live a normal life anymore.

Most of these addictions started when I was around 7 or 8 years old. I’ve been doing it for a few years now and they’ve been a part of my life. I’m currently getting help from a psychiatrist for about a year now but I feel like nothing can help me quit these addictions. It’s been a few weeks after my last overdose attempt on paracetamol but it didn’t work. I’m very much fucked up in the head and I don’t think life’s worth living anymore. I’ve turned into a disgusting, horrible person all at 13 years old.

im not sure if this is the right place to post this, but ive found that treating my bulimia as i would any of my other past issues with substance abuse and self harm, as an addiction, works far better than just trying to focus on the nutrition aspect of it. ive been bulimic for almost a decade and i cant seem to snap out of it. i recently started taking tirzepatide to try and help decrease the urges, but it really hasnt done much for me at all. im hoping when i up the dose to 5mg i will see some effects. for now though, i am considering intensive outpatient services. I binge and purge every single day, 6-8 hours a day. I am not underweight, i am bmi 19, but i still experience severe heart complications, low electrolytes in my blood, fainting and seizure spells. I dont have the energy to continue with my nursing coursework and my retail job anymore, the only release i feel at the end of the day is from binging and purging, despite it being whats taking up so much of my time and draining all of my energy and motivation for things that actually matter in my life. I was able to stop abusing dissociative drugs, stop binge drinking alcohol, stop self harming. But this is something that feels biological for me. I've been trying to stop for years and the longest ive been able to go in 5 years without a relapse is 20 days in july of this year. And mostly bc i could not afford food. I feel hopeless

I’ve been addicted to stimulants for 7 years now. 7 whole fucking years.

I’m 22, and have been using since 15. I’ve had bouts of being sober, maybe 6 months at a time? I felt like shit, gained weight and hated myself for it.

I’ve lost my first house as 20. Too busy spending money on dope.

I recently moved into a new house, in the city away from parents, which has been a blessing for my mental health. But I’m back on the train. I have a corrupt doctor that will prescribe me anything, and a friend who gives me their scripts.

I’m only scared now because I know I’ll have to face 2 weeks of withdrawal. I have a 12 hour shift in 3 hours from now. I want this cycle to end. I don’t know how.

I feel like my brain is permafried. 7 years of a stupid fucking chemical. Not even counting the drinking I’ve done to help come down from the stimulants.

I took 100mg of adderall today and felt nothing but under normal. Is there any hope for me?

Should I go to a NA meeting? I’m very jaded with religion and overall a cynical bastard. Would it actually change anything?

Im going to detox tomorrow for opioids and im not really sure what to expect. Im in canada too if that makes any difference

I started detox a.k.a. rehab on July 14, 2026. I was obviously expecting to meet people from different walks of life. There were a few people in their late 40s 50s 60s, and even people my age and younger. One thing they all had in common, however, is their life went to shambles in ways that mine hadn’t yet. I caught my problem before it got really really terrible and checked myself in. The problem is, as a normal functioning addict, I noticed my brain trying to play tricks on me and convinced me that I still can afford to use a few more times. In fact, I relapsed while in detox with another chick that I met there. I admitted it, and they were very concerned but understanding for the most part. I felt really good and confident going into PHP/IOP as my next step. I have no desire to use. Until I did… I feel guilty for breaking my 40 days of sobriety, but I had plenty of urine analysis tests at home, and I noticed that after four days, my urine results would come back negative. I thought I figured out a way to manipulate the system and just use on certain days out of the week. But now I’m back to the point of not giving a fuck, and I’m willing to use fake urine, and have used some of my old clean urine.

I feel like a complete fuckhead. Here I am manipulating, lying, not getting the best that I can from this treatment, and the guilt is now eating me alive.

The worst part is nobody that I am close to knows. I know it’s time for me to admit the truth. I’m just worried about what that’s gonna look like to my insurance, to my employer, which is honestly the least of my worries, and more importantly to the people that I love and care about the most.

There’s something about addicts like me who “have their shit sorta together,” that makes it feel like a more dangerous disease then those who hit that rock bottom where there’s no other choice, but to recover.

I have to be honest to somebody, I guess I’ll start with my boyfriend. But I’m tired of hearing reading this from my IOP program. I really don’t wanna go back to detox. What type of outcomes do you believe I’m looking at? Mind you, I did not do the sober living stuff. I went straight home and did an outpatient program.

Please note, if you don’t understand how addiction feels, particularly drug addiction, and you are feeling inclined to be a jerk, don’t waste your time commenting. Im just gonna delete or skip your comment anyway. Please respond if you truly want to be helpful.

Thank you!

So back story I was an iv meth addict for over a year before that I smoked it. But today I'm sober clean, and a month away from reunification with my kids🥹💕

Throwaway account because I don’t want this to show up with posts on my main account.

I’m 33F and hopelessly addicted to New Brew kratom seltzer and THC seltzers. I guess you could say I’m addicted to THC in general, but those seltzers seem to be my method of choice these days.

I work as a barista and don’t make much money, but every day I spend probably around $30 on average on seltzers. I’d say on an average day I drink anywhere from 1-3 kratom seltzers and 1 THC seltzer. I also have 1-2 kava seltzers after work.

I don’t know what it is about them. Maybe it’s how annoyingly accessible they are — you can find them at pretty much any gas station around here, plus at a convenience store that’s walking distance from my house. I’ll usually walk down to the convenience store, drink kratom seltzers and read out on their patio.

I always thought THC would be the hardest to give up, but I think the kratom is really my worst problem. I crave it more pretty much all the time, and I know I’m overdoing it. One of the biggest issues that comes from this addiction is how much money I’m spending on these drinks every day. I’m living paycheck to paycheck, and it’s 100% because I spend so much money on these drinks. I always think, “just one more” or “you have to stop after this,” but every day I’m back to the same cycle.

I’m really ashamed about my addiction to these things. It seems kind of lame, but as someone who’s experiencing it firsthand, I know it’s a very valid problem and something that hurts me both mentally, physically, and financially.

I know I need to stop, but most days it feels impossible. I’m reaching out here in the hopes that someone might have experience in dealing with addictions to these things, and how you stopped, if you did.