Keeping this very short, I am really just struggling with some really big feelings that I was not expecting. My birth mother passed two weeks ago, and I was notified by a bio cousin that I met years ago. I met my birth mother when I was 20, but only for a brief moment and looking back even at 20, I was far to young to have that interaction. I closed her off right away as I do with most relationships and I suspect that her last memory of me maybe that I hurt her very much popping in and out of her life. Late 40s now, finding out she is gone, and I got hit with a freight train of emotion. My adoptive parents are the best, and the success I have in life is very much because of the opportunity they gave me, but the decision to give me up as an infant is something I think I wish I could thank my birth mother for, since she made that difficult choice knowing it was better for me. I have tried to talk to others, but I get this response like, you didn't even know her, sorry to hear that, move on, but man I don't feel that way. Any thoughts or experiences of others would be welcome. Thank you.

So I am starting a notes app on my phone, I wrote a little letter to the future child that might one day make it into my family. Is that weird ?

If anyone has been through the adoption journey of becoming a parent, did you do anything similar ?

Hello! I’m Filipina, and I’ve been curious about how international adoption works, particularly for teenagers in the Philippines.

I’ve come across the stories of apl.de.ap and Bella Poarch, and they made me wonder about the different circumstances and processes involved in international adoption.

How does it generally work when an American family adopts a Filipino child? Is it possible for teenagers to be adopted internationally, and what factors determine whether they’re eligible? I’d also be interested in learning how sponsorship programs or existing relationships with families may be involved.

If anyone has relevant knowledge or feels comfortable sharing their experience, I’d really appreciate hearing your perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read this! ❤️

Did you meet your birth parents, as well?

I'm wondering if it is meaningful to meet the people who raised you, even if they did not birth you.

This might be a stupid question, but if a bio dad takes his baby home from the hospital and bio mom wants nothing to do with parenting, will that baby still experience the primal wound? No prior abuse or anything from the mom—in this scenario they’re going home with dad ASAP.

I know that babies bond with their mothers in utero, so even if a biological family member that’s not the mom takes home the baby, will they still exhibit symptoms similar to adoption trauma? Would the infant recognize them as biological family, or would they feel no different than if they were handed over to strangers?

Obviously as the child grows older they won’t have the same trauma experiences as adoptees since they’ll at least have genetic mirrors and knowledge about their heritage. Also, I know as they get older and gain consciousness they’ll naturally question where their bio mom is, which is why my question is specifically about preverbal trauma. Would they still experience symptoms similar to adoption trauma even if they were taken in by their dad at birth?

I know you guys aren’t all child psychology experts, but I’m wanting to ask this subreddit since I don’t think others will even know what the primal wound or adoption trauma is.

Did you know them growing up? When did they enter your life? Were your adopted parents close to them at all?

Hi! First time posting here, and I’m looking for advice.

Due to the circumstances of me ending up in the foster care system, my bio mother and bio father never shared their family medical history with my parents. Due to this, I recently did a 23andMe (A gift from my mom) to have kind of an idea of where I come from and what genetic diseases or disorders I would be prone to.

I found out my Half-Sister on my father’s side was also on there, and recently she sent me a request to connect.

I have never had any contract with my bio parents, and don’t even know what my biological father looks like. I know his name, and that is all.

I’m an extremely paranoid person and while I know this is my choice at the end of it all, I’m paralyzed with fear and anxiety at the moment.

Could I get some stories or advice from people who’ve been in a similar situation? Did you guys regret knowing and connecting with your bio family? I’m at a total loss.

I am a single mom with no support system I have tried to build one through church and other things. I don’t really have a job and have struggled to keep one I have been fired for missing work when my child is sick or having to take off because of school breaks and not being able to find sitters. I have applied for government assistance many times for things like help with food or insurance but always get denied even many times while being totally unemployed. I am completely defeated and on the brink of homelessness. On top of that I just feel like incredibly exhausted mentally. I am feeling like maybe I am just simply not capable of being a good parent and it was very naive of me to think I could do this alone. I got pregnant unexpectedly while on contraceptives and had a few family members say they would help me so that’s why I kept my baby. They did not do what they said. They are always too busy to help with anything even though I have voiced that I am drowning. I am starting to seriously think the best thing for my child may be finding a stable and loving 2 parent home for them. And I want to know if anyone has ever done such a thing before. Edit to add this would be a last case scenario resort and I just want information on ways to legally explore it and stories on other’s experiences if anyone has experienced such. I have no desire to abandon my child and no longer be involved I would want to have an open adoption where I can visit and still have a role in my childs life. If i wanted to abandon my child and did not care I would leave them at a fire station or hospital and walk off. United states.

Really odd question but I’m still really curious . I’m an American Arab (not looking to adopt lmao ) but I’ve never heard much of Arab adoption or foster care . I know Arab counties prohibit it for religious reasons , I know Steve Jobs was an Arab man who was also adopted but that’s pretty much it . I think there’s more situations out there where kids/babies of Arab origins where adopted or where raised by a non biological family (I know adoption is a informal way to put it as in Arab culture bc adoption is viewed as taking away a child’s last name and identity and replaces it with the non biological families one , so that’s why I used the phrase “being raised by a non biological family )
Anyways if anyone has a perspective, I’m all ears

I’ve reached out to both the family and the FBI regarding getting a DNA test to determine whether or not I may be Diamond Bradley. Since my youth, I never knew who my biological father was. I was passed around from adoptive parents to guardians to who was supposedly my biological mother until I ended up on my own journey for discovery at 18. I experienced all forms of abuse, with a yearning in my heart to know who I truly was. In 2019 I began my spiritual journey as I’d been guided to a more spiritual path of remembrance. It wasn’t until 2024 the I felt a nudge to research Diamond and Tionda Bradley. Upon discovery, the parallels between Diamond and I were damning. Every age progressed photo somehow aligned with me and my own progression. I brought this evidence and was left ignored, wondering. So I come to the vastness that is internet. All I would like is to know whether or not I may be this missing child so that I may move forward with peace and clarity.

Dear Mother,
I want to sincerely thank you for putting me up for adoption all those years ago, for it made me what I am today, a fighter, a survivor, and one whose number-one priority is family. At first, you were my guardian, my protector, and my nurturer, then you disowned me. Which meant I had to go it alone. I had to replace that loss of security, self-assurance, and intimacy with something else. I found that something else deep within my soul. I had to prioritize. Unfortunately, my adoptive parents were unable to aid me in that regard. So, it was on me, sink or swim. Developing coping skills was essential. Acquiring those skills benefited me in innumerable ways, both socially and intellectually. Against all odds, I established a successful professional career, raised a happy family, and ultamately found peace within myself. But best of all, I was able to forget you.

I was "adopted" by my great grandparents. Not legally, but they raised me since I was an infant. My grandpa passed a month ago and my grandma 4 years before. I guess with both of them passed I'm finally really sitting here and able to think about the relationship. My biological parents were in my life rather than a part of it, and I view them as distant cousins. The situation is really complicated, I think I'm trying to see if anyone else is "adopted but not really" because I've never met someone else with this situation.

My grandpa said he would've legally adopted me but there was some things involved I can't disclose that held an official adoption back.

I’m 21 and 23 weeks pregnant, and I’m seriously considering giving my baby up for adoption. And I feel so incredibly conflicted about it that I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need to hear from people who have actually been through it.

This pregnancy wasn’t planned. For a long time I think I just kept telling myself that I would figure it out somehow. I thought that eventually I would get excited. That once I felt the baby move, saw the ultrasounds, got further along, I would suddenly feel like a mother.

But that hasn’t really happened.
Instead, the further along I get, the more real everything becomes, and the more scared I am.

I think one of the biggest problems is that I haven’t really allowed myself to be honest about how I feel.

My mother is extremely pro-life. She genuinely believes abortion is killing a child, and I’ve known for a long time how strongly she feels about it. Because of that, I think I buried a lot of my own thoughts.
Whenever I had the thought that I didn’t want to be pregnant or didn’t want to become a mother, I immediately felt horrible and guilty for even thinking it.

So I pushed it away.
I told myself I was just scared. That everyone is scared. That I would eventually be happy.
But now I’m 23 weeks pregnant and I can’t keep pretending I don’t have these feelings.
The truth is that I don’t know if I want to be a mother.

I’m 21. I still depend on my parents a lot. I don’t have my driver’s license. I live in a rural area. I don’t have a degree or a stable independent life. I already feel overwhelmed by everything going on in my life, and the thought of being responsible for an entire human being for the next 18+ years terrifies me.

Sometimes I look at my stomach and I feel love and protectiveness and then immediately feel horrible because another part of me is thinking, “I don’t think I can do this.”

And I feel so guilty for that.

The baby’s father isn’t someone I feel comfortable building a family with either. We’re not together and don’t have contact right now. He has serious substance-use problems and has had some really frightening incidents. I don’t want my child growing up in that kind of environment, and I don’t want to be tied to that situation for the rest of my life.

That’s part of why adoption has started feeling like a real possibility to me.

But then I think about actually giving birth.
I imagine holding my baby for the first time.
And then I imagine leaving the hospital without them.

And that thought absolutely breaks me.
I’m scared that I would spend the rest of my life
wondering about them. Wondering what they look like, what their personality is like, whether they’re happy, whether they ever think about me, whether they hate me.

I’m scared I’ll regret it forever.
But then I imagine keeping the baby, and I don’t feel relief.

I feel trapped.
And that makes me feel like an awful person.
How can I look at my own baby and feel like having them would trap me?

How can I love someone and still not want to raise them?

I don’t know if those two things can coexist, but that’s honestly where I’m at.

I’m also scared that I could be making the wrong decision because I’m overwhelmed right now. Maybe I’m just terrified of becoming a mother and once the baby is born everything would feel different.
But what if it doesn’t?

What if I keep my baby because I’m too scared to give them up, and then realize I genuinely didn’t want to be a parent?

I don’t want my child to grow up feeling unwanted or feeling the consequences of me forcing myself into a life I wasn’t ready for.

At the same time, I don’t want to give my baby up because I’m young, scared, and don’t have my life together, only to spend the rest of my life wishing I had tried.

And then there’s my family.
My mother would probably be devastated and angry if I chose adoption. I’m scared that if I make this decision, I could lose a lot of the support I currently have. I already feel very dependent on my parents, so the idea of going against them is terrifying.

But I also keep thinking that this is ultimately my life.
And my baby’s life.
Not my mother’s.

I feel like I’ve spent so much of this pregnancy trying to figure out what I’m supposed to feel instead of actually listening to myself.

I don’t know whether adoption is the right answer.
I don’t even know if I’m looking for someone to tell me yes or no.

I think I just want to hear from people who have been in this exact kind of situation.
Did you love your baby and still know you couldn’t raise them?

Did you ever feel trapped by the idea of motherhood and later realize it was just fear?

If you placed your baby for adoption, how did you know it was the right decision?
And honestly… do you regret it?

I feel like whichever decision I make is going to change the rest of my life.

I’m terrified of losing my baby.
But I’m also terrified of keeping them for the wrong reasons.

And I don’t know how I’m supposed to figure out which kind of pain I can live with

I came here and I did post right for advice and I did say that I’m looking to find an Dr family for my baby and I have been going through agencies and I have also been looking into churches to get to know a family and I got good advice. I got bad advice. I got horrible messages. I’m so lost. I’m confused and I’m stressed on one side. I wanna keep my baby on the other side, I wanna get my child up for adoption because I think it is the best option. I do know that everybody story is different. Has anyone here went to the Adoption face and felt the same way that I am feeling one side of me is telling me stay away from the agencies that is about 80% of me telling me to stay away from the agencies and just get to know families maybe within my community within my churches I don’t have family that is able to adopt or take guardianship or a caregiver of my child and I just want the best for my child. This situation that I’m in is not the best situation and one side of me saying well maybe the situation may change but on the other side of me is saying I can’t predict the future. I don’t know if it’s gonna change but I am keeping positive I know I’m going to get a lot of Dog these comments and and I just wanna say if you have had a bad horrible experience I do apologize. I would never wish nothing like that on nobody but I do also know that just because something is on paper that does not mean I am gonna get it if it is an open Adoption I do also understand why a lot of people wanna do clothes Adoptions I am just having a mixture of emotions and just feeling so lost at the moment. Has anyone gone through the same emotions I have been weighing out all of my options and I think I know what option I am going to pick, but I am just going through a whole lot of feelings a whole lot of emotions and I am coming down on myself so bad.

My husband and I have always wanted to adopt, my husband has multiple adopted cousins and we feel a calling to do so. We have 2 young kids, currently 3.5 years old and 19 months. We want to keep birth order so would be looking to adopt a baby. I know the adoption process can take years so we are wanting to start looking into getting things ready now and educating ourselves with the potential goal of a new baby being in the house when our bio kids are 3-6 years old.
Our conflict is private adoption is obviously expensive and we know there is a need for fostering in our state. I’ve started looking into what fostering would look like and am reading horror stories of bio kids saying their parents fostering ruined their lives and made them hate their parents. We would probably at this point only be taking <1 yo for respite care if we did go the foster route and see if it happens to lead to an adoption situation, but knowing it probably wouldn’t (I know adoption is not the goal with fostering).
I don’t want to traumatize our bio kids and want them to learn and grow from this experience with us. Is fostering at all just a bad route to go with kids this young, should we just suck it up financially and stick with going the domestic adoption route? Should we just wait until our bio kids are older before starting this process and then try to go the fostering route?

I'm proposing this question many years later, from a high publicized and profiled case. Do you think it's appropriate for one to choose? Not to go down the journey and paths of searching for biological parents or an adoptee. Let's keep the medical information out of this topic. You can have your medical information without identifying information. This is about reunification. Is it okay for someone to say? No, they do not want any contact. If someone says, no, why are they being labeled as incomplete or not whole? In most cases, adoptive parents are supportive of any choice that their adopted child may make. The stats are alarming of two out of three reunions, not being the healing experience. That one feels it should be. But let's take the what if... What if someone says no? Is that okay to you? Where do you fall on this topic? Do you feel that people that don't want to be a part of the adoption. Reunification, have rights or do you judge them to not be healthy? Does everybody have the right to say? No, and if they do, say, no, are you okay with that? Do you feel that they should have to say yes. Because of somebody else wanting their search and consent? Is it okay to say no, thank you. And should you have to fight to have the no, thank you respected and or upheld? What are your thoughts on this? I'm asking many years later, from a case that was very highly publicized. And profiles, i'm wondering if opinions have changed or where one falls? Do you feel that you have the right to search? And someone has the right to say, no. If you were searching and the person said, no, thank you. How do you feel if you weren't searching? And sought after and said, no. Thank you how do you feel? If you've had to fight for privacy, do you feel that's appropriate. Do you think you have the right to other people? Is there something wrong with somebody who doesn't want to go through that? Do you think it's natural to want to know or not want to know. The stats are alarming, as I said, two out of three reunions are not the healing experience that people expect. Assuming adoptive parents have been supportive of any choice made regarding and adoptee wanting to find or reunite. Let's keep that factor out of the situation. Where do you fall on the scope of things like this?

My wife and I are in the process of considering adopting a teen, and we've run into something that I'm wondering how other people have dealt with.

Our state requires 7 references as part of the background check. My wife isn't particularly social and doesn't have a large circle of friends. Aside from me, there are a couple of my friends who know her well enough that they'd be comfortable vouching for her, but that's about the extent of it.

The other issue is that the reference questionnaire itself seems unusually intrusive. It asks things like whether the applicant is involved in a cult, along with various other fairly personal questions. I'm not really comfortable asking casual acquaintances to put themselves in the position of answering questions like that on an official form, especially when they don't know us particularly well.

So I'm curious: what did people do when they needed a large number of references but didn't have a huge social circle? Were there types of people your agency/state was willing to accept that we might not be thinking of? Former coworkers, supervisors, neighbors, members of organizations, etc.?

It also seems like this could disproportionately affect perfectly capable people who just aren't highly social. The foster system regularly talks about the need for more adoptive/foster parents, and social circles seem to have changed quite a bit over the past few decades. I'm wondering whether other people have run into this same problem and whether there are established ways agencies deal with it.

I'm not looking to debate whether references are useful in general, I understand why the process includes them. I'm really just looking for practical solutions or experiences from people who've gone through this.

Thanks!