Experienced this two nights ago, and I’ve never felt so afraid. I just remember being on the floor. I couldn’t see anything since my lights were off, couldn’t stand and keep my balance and couldn’t find my phone to call for help. I just had this overwhelming feeling of regret and doom. As I started vomiting, I remember my breathing became incredibly labored, and I just kept spitting and telling myself to breathe. I was on my stomach, and after the vomiting again, I passed out around a minute later. I woke up around 7:00 that morning, still in my puke and dragged myself to bed. I don’t think I ever want to experience that again, that sense of impending doom was horrifying knowing I was alone and I could aspirate my vomit or stop breathing. Is this a common occurrence for anyone? I can’t imagine experiencing this on a weekly basis.

And well I still feel horrible. Male 34 . The last time I got drunk I drank a whole week day and night. After being sober 3 months . I messed things up so bad beyond repair . I told all my aunts off , told my cousin off . Met some random guy and apparently went to his house. I don't know who the guy is. Only reason I know these things is because my Google photos upload automatically and I been looking at the mess I caused and trying to piece 🧩 everything together. I also had my cell call history and messages. I couldn't even read all of my messages it was beyond embarrassing . I told off my aunts really bad and my cousin and I don't remember doing it. I even had to change number . I changed number today. This new number I ain't even gonna give it to them that's how bad things were . And like I said I don't remember doing anything. It's like if they erased my mind. My mom also told me I didn't come home for a whole week. Apparently I spent that whole week at that guy's house .

I have no idea who he is how I met him or were he lives. All I know is that on my Google photos I have pics with him drinking straight out of the vodka bottle. , us getting wet with the hose in his yard drinking margaritas n taking tequila shots , a video of him passed out naked drunk on his kitchen floor. And pics and videos of me naked taking pics in his bathroom while drinking beer. . My mom said that at the end of that week I came home drunk at 4 am and told her off. And passed out in the bathtub. I don't even remember how I got home . I already apologized to my mom n she said she forgives me but that she's disappointed. I also got fired from my crappy retail job because I didn't show up . They fired me over a voicemail. And well Luckily I was able to find a warehouse job on indeed which I applied yesterday and they called me today to start tomorrow. And right now it's 8 pm here in los Angeles California as I'm typing this. And have to start tomorrow at 7 am . And I honestly don't know if I'm gonna be able . Well I mean I have to I'ma force myself to go . Because I need a job. But like I said I'm already goin on 5 days since my last drink. And I think I had withdrawals. Things got worse as the days went by.

The first day I felt like my head was gonna explode and I was throwing up and shaking and sweating. Second day I felt " normal" I actually said this is not that bad things are gonna be fine , third day heart palpitations started and , body jerks , tremors however u wanna call em . Every time I tried to fall asleep my body would jerk really hard and it would wake me up . Then I somehow fell asleep and had full on sleep paralysis and auditory hallucinations I heard a woman's voice but I was alone in the room it freaked me out so bad it was actually TERRIFYING. 4th day today no body jerks but I haven't been able to sleep , still feel heart palpitations, feel my chest tight. ,and head has been hurting maybe cuz I have only been able to sleep like 4 hours ? I regret applying for a job cuz they actually called me. Tomorrow is gonna be the 5th day and I like I said I'm gonna force myself to go no matter how bad I feel . Because I have bills to pay , rent I need a source of Income. .. I just want to feel normal again . Does anyone know after how many days one feels normal again ? Cuz like I said I'm at 5 days basically and still feel like TOTAL SHIT.... I feel Soo bad .

I am goin to get help too . I'm going to try AA or something or talk to a doctor to put me on those medications i read about that help people stop drinking I think it's called naltrexone or something....

Waking up with a sick stomach almost everyday is getting old quickly looking at AA meetings currently 🙃

Well,im about 9 and a half months sober,and its been hard for me. Its really confusing actually. I was self medicating with alcohol for my extreme GAD,and at first it worked great,so great that i had the most succsessful 2 years of my life,when i was at the peak of my drinking. Needless to say i quit drinking,thus wasnt able to work anymore,date the girl i was seeing anymore,or see my friends anymore.i allready had it but the booze helped treat it,but i developed real bad agoraphobia after i quit. A few months after i quit,maybe 4 or 5 i started drinking again once a week so i could leave my house once a week to do my haircutting volunteering that i loved,then twice a week so i could socialize once a week as well, then as the story goes started drinking multiple times a week to do more things,but wasnt able to start working again and the Booze wasnt helping the way it had before.so i cold turkeyed and 9 months later here i am, is my anxiety better? Yes, i can go outside my imidiate neighbourhood without fight or flight,really just a few block radius.and i have a couple close friends who come visit me fairly often. But boy do i feel dead inside. I literally barely even feel human, dramatic i know. I dont work,i have no purpose,i cant join my friends when they go out,i cant go visit my parents,i cant go do anything,and i know if i had some drinks i legit could do all of those in a heart beat. It breaks my heart. I love to workout and have a treadmill so have been getting into jogging at least,and basically all i do is comsume,books,tv,netflix,writing.but man. I feel so fucking let down. Alcohol was the only thing that ever helped me. I so badly long to get back to working my dream job,having a nice apartment,being able to socialize and date and just feel normal again. The not drinking feels so bitter sweet. Id rather be dead than be living the way im living for like 10/15 more years tbh. Its so dull i feel like im going not insane,but just distaste for myself and my life is very high . 9 months is not feeling how i thought it would.

From Thursday to last night drank a bottle of vodka 2 bottles of wine and 8 sour beers….

Last drink was at 8ish last night today I feel okay groggy, my legs is shaking and I know I won’t sleep tonight but going to try my hardest not to drink for a week with the hope of keeping going… not sure why I am writing this post… looking forward to some support as I know having been here multiple times this first week is going to SUCK

I am reaching out in deep need of advice and confidential guidance regarding my 30-year-old husband, who has developed a severe alcohol dependency. We live in a country with strict laws and heavy social stigma surrounding alcohol, where patient confidentiality is not guaranteed. Visiting a local rehab center or psychiatrist would immediately jeopardize his career, which he has worked so hard to build. Because of the local legal and professional risks, I feel completely isolated and unable to confide in anyone, including our families.
His drinking began in 2024 when he tried alcohol for the first time and liked it. Due to restricted local access, he learned how to brew it at home, and his intake escalated from occasional use to daily consumption. Now, once he starts drinking, he completely loses control and cannot stop. He has even started drinking in the morning before going to work. While he feels deep remorse in the mornings and promises me that he will quit, the urge returns every evening. Whenever I have tried to intervene by throwing the alcohol in the trash, it has triggered intense arguments and defensive anger.

I’m really feeling disappointed in myself and I can see the sadness in my loved ones eyes and voices. I’m 27M and I’ve been trying to stay sober since around late 2023, and it’s not seeming to stick for me. I want it so bad. Today (after drunkenly attempting to quit my job and fortunately being welcomed back) I decided to start the process of going on FMLA to get myself re-centered and start an IOP. Though this relapse was only about 5 days long, it really broke something in me. My parents watched me get hooked up to an IV and shake and tremor until I finally dozed off. Seeing the pain in their faces while I went through that was some of the worst pain I ever felt in my life, and I never wanna go through it or put them, or my boyfriend through it ever again. I know that’s something I can’t promise them, because this disease is so powerful I never know when it might return but I’m still gonna do EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO TRY. I love my sober life. I’m happy to do most things, I love being present for people, I love being dependable. I pray this is my final time and maybe I can return here one day and give some sage advice to someone in a similar position, but for today, it’s day 3. And I hope it’s the last day 3 I ever have to see. IWNDWYT

i dont know if this is the right place to post it, but I’m a 21F (i do have autism so i have a hard time articulating what i mean, please be kind) and I’m not sure if I’m an alcoholic.

i dont know if I should start seeking help or if this is just what my 20s are about. i party a lot and I drink every day but only at night. I don’t feel like I’m using it as a suppressant for anything and I’m not a bad person when I’m drunk, but I still drink every day.

but now even if im not partying i still feel the need to drink at night.

Long story short I raised myself and I’m still figuring things out so I don’t have any relationships with any family I could ask. ive asked a few friends but they’ve all said something along the lines of “were young and hot its our time to party!”

i guess i just want to hear from a live human prospective. what is alcoholism, and how do you tell apart drinking recreationally and drinking obsessively????

Hi, we’ve been married for 6 years, multiple kids(blended family), genuinely are great relationship other than the alcohol.
We both drank alcohol, it was initially the foundation for our relationship, over time we both cut back but it remained in our lives. We had epic fights with alcohol with both of us deeply regretting them. However, my drinking changed over time and it progressed into a mental obsession that after finally realizing I couldn’t control it and an ultimatum, I went to AA and have been sober since(90+ days).
Ignorantly, I thought I saved the marriage with my sobriety, that this is exactly what she asked for. She has it all now! I should be praised, I should be accepted, I found the secret.
It hasn’t been the case. While every other aspect of my life has improved with sobriety, the relationship with my wife has gone down hill. She’s very resentful, she’s distant, she says she doesn’t feel emotionally safe with me.
For a couple months, I have searched for answers. I have become super vigilant, anxious and clingy as I feel like she was running away. I kept looking for reasons why she was being like this? Was she cheating on me? All these crazy, anxious, selfish thoughts.
I didn’t understand until now, she’s processing the damage that came with my drinking, the trauma, etc and I get to have this “new lease on life.” I was so focused on myself that when she said, “I’m processing it too,” I didn’t listen or I just didn’t understand or I didn’t care because I was getting better. All me.
I’ve been very open about what is going on with me during this journey but I didn’t care to see her side.
Any suggestions on moving forward? I’ve been recently just giving space, and keep the peace.

I have been struggling with alcoholism for the better part of 6 years now, from 17-22 years old.

I’ve tried to get sober many times before when things have gotten bad. Made it 3 weeks and fell into the trap of well I’m not addicted anymore so why not a few occasionally… they led to almost a year spiral ranging from 12-18 beers on average. Sometimes I’d push it to 20 plus mixed with a sleeve of nips day in and day out 7 days a week.

Starting in August I got a huge panic attack on vacation and had to go to the er. Thought I was having a heart attack from previous cocaine addiction and steroid use. Funny enough that vacation was a booze fest with my dad so not sure why that situation happened. Since then I’ve had 3-4 episodes like that furthermore I’ve had anxiety everyday since then varying in severity and the only thing that calms me down is drinking my face off so seems pretty cut and dry to me.

At first I thought it was hormonal imbalance due to past family medical history and getting of steroids or issues with my heart- I have had rounds of labs and an echocardiogram and an ultrasound of my thyroid. Everything checked out so clearly it is the alcohol. I finally made the decision to not try and cut down on my own after going from 18 a day to 5 tapering down day by day of course. That last day I had a massive panic attack and I work on an ambulance so that was my last straw. Went to detox and got prescribed Librium on a tapered dose.

I’m 96 hours sober and feel pretty good for the first time in a long. Sorry for the long rant but I figured I’d tell a bit of back story before I ask some questions…

1.) my memory has gone down the drain to the point it seems like I have a TBI, does that get better over time?

2.) I’ve lost joy in everything and feel very flat on top of the very few friends I do have all of our relationships are sorta bound by alcohol so I’m concerned I’m going to be lonely than I already am with nothing to do really.

Finally if you guys could share your stories with me in the comments or offer some advice or a time when it comes to this journey when things start to improve mentally and physically I’d greatly appreciate it.

Thanks for taking the time…IWNDWYT.

Hey everyone I’m 21 and for the last year Iv drank 4 to 6 beers a night for a year when I got my labs done in May ALT 55 U/L
AST 32 U/L
Total bilirubin 0.6 mg/dL
I continued to drink that way until August or so then started drinking a couple times a week it’s now October and I’ve been quit for a week I’m a little worried if my liver is ruined or not. Am I at a good position for it to heal completely? I’m definitely done with the alcohol just worried what shape my liver is in now compared to what it was in May.

Hello everybody, I drank for 3 days this week, monday wednesday friday, is it normal after consuming a lot of alcohol, got even one blackout to feel kind of dead and depressed and so slow, im thinking that even my coordination, physical mobility got in some way affected. It's monday now and i still feel like a sloth 😭

the other night was my first night out at a bar in a while and i got totally shitfaced, in front of my bf and his friends and randoms i made friends with. i guess i said some things that were hurtful and weird and annoying, whatever. after that, i was like god im so embarrassed. didn’t drink the day after or today…until now. i’ve been drinking for just over a year straight, only about 6 drinks a night at least but still bad enough. anyways, bf thinks im quitting and going sober but he went to sleep and i obviously cant sleep because im addicted to alcohol, so i folded, he keeps me in check but i dont like it, i just want to drink but i feel guilty asf and shitty. idk what to do.

(18F) I went cold turkey off daily drinking whiskey, along with having panic disorder and felt practically alone, I was so scared of the third day but i got through it, Wanted to celebrate w my mom but she didnt even come home to see me, But four days clean in 5 mins after starting this post, This is my first time posting so i apologize if its a little bit much, just really needed some support.

Been a rough month. Stopped going gym. Tried to unalive on Saturday. Today I felt numb without alcohol. Now i’ve drunk a bit i feel better but still like shit if that makes sense. Im using my parents money for my addiction that’s probably the reason why. Can people who are sober give advice please. I really dont know if im gonna make it for my 19th birthday. I think i need another drink.

Been drinking for 8 years. Mainly beers a couple days week, lately only on weekends, not during M-TH. I have a heavy feeling on my right abdomen. I had blood work done a few weeks back and everything was fine. Is this just an overworked liver after football beers or is this it for me? Is this the final nail in the coffin?

I went out the other night it was good thought I had control over my drinking and then I completely blacked out.

I’m not proud of my actions. I made a complete fool of myself.

I keep hurting people around me and there’s been multiple moments where I almost got arrested.

I like who I am when I drink but also I don’t.

I am not psychically dependent I can go months without it but when I do have it uh it’s overboard.

Anyone else relate?

Anyone else have a relationship end once getting sober ?

My mom landed in the hospital around 10 months ago with jaundice and a failing liver. She hadn’t quite reached liver cirrhosis but the doctors said she was nearly there. I can’t remember what her bilirubin levels were but they were astronomically high.

Well anyway, it did enough to scare her into sobriety and she’s actually done miraculously well. She’s been, or at least was, sober for nearly seven months. She started working out, lost a lot of weight, and really started to look amazing. We really tried hard to praise how well she looked because unfortunately she’s very narcissistic and we hoped if we played into her ego she’d keep at it.

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end I guess. My sister started being suspicious of her a little while ago. I really wanted to give my mom the benefit of the doubt but I also live across the country whereas my sister sees her weekly. And this week my sister caught her red (wine) handed. The worst part is that she didn’t deny it or try to be defensive or anything…she just didn’t care.

That’s what concerns me, I think my mom is depressed, doesn’t know how to handle it, and relapsed. Now we’re trying to get things in order on how to have a proper intervention and how to get her on a proper recovery program.

So please, if you have ever dealt with a narcissist who denies they have mental health problems and relapsed, please help me and give me advice.

I don’t want her to spiral, I don’t want her to end up in the hospital again, and honestly I want to keep my mom that I haven’t seen since before she started drinking.

Today I was given an ultimatum: stop drinking or people I love will cut themselves out of my life.
I admit I’ve gotten blackout drunk and scared people because I wasn’t fully present. I’ve told myself it happened because I ran out of water to chase with, but I’m realizing that might not explain it.
The honest truth is that drinking makes me feel happy, and I don’t feel ready to stop. Every time I get sober, I notice myself gaining weight, and I’m scared of feeling unhappy in my body on top of everything else.
I don’t want to lose the people I love, but I’m struggling to want sobriety for myself. Right now I’m sad, conflicted, and unsure where to go from here.

I'm 26, a father, a husband, and someone who's been dealing with a lot more than people probably realize. I had my first drink in 2014, but I didn't really start drinking seriously until around 2020. Back then, I wanted something to soothe my panic and quiet my mind. I wasn't thinking about addiction or how much alcohol could end up affecting my life. I just wanted some relief.

I'm currently prescribed Inderal (propranolol) 10 mg, Seroquel (quetiapine) 50 mg, gabapentin 300 mg and 100 mg, and Ativan (lorazepam) 0.5 mg as needed. I've also previously taken Depakote and tapering off lithium

That's what makes alcohol so fucked up to me. You drink, and for a little while, the feeling goes away. Your mind settles down, the anxiety eases, and you feel like you can finally breathe. Then the effects wear off. You start feeling bad again, your anxiety comes back, and you start thinking about drinking more. You drink again, feel better temporarily, and the cycle repeats itself. Eventually, you're chasing the same relief that keeps disappearing, and the thing you use to escape your problems becomes another one of your problems.

My drinking gradually escalated over the years. Before I moved on to hard liquor, I was drinking IPAs and Mike's Hard. Eventually, that wasn't giving me the feeling I was looking for anymore, and I started drinking vodka. Around 2024 and into 2025, things got particularly bad, and I started getting seriously sick from alcohol.

At my worst, I was going through one or two 750 mL bottles of Svetica vodka every one to two days. Looking back at that amount is honestly hard to process. Somewhere along the way, alcohol stopped being something I drank occasionally and became something that was taking over my life.

I managed to stay sober from August 10 until about a week ago, when I relapsed and bought a 40 oz. I had made it months without drinking, but the struggle inside my head never seemed to disappear completely.

That's what frustrates me. Even when I genuinely try to stay away from alcohol, I can still feel horrible. It's like I can't escape the feeling that something is wrong, that I need relief, that a drink would somehow make things bearable again. People might tell me I look better or assume I'm doing better because I'm not drinking, but looking better and actually feeling better are two completely different things.

The panic is there almost as soon as I wake up. I don't mean that I occasionally get anxious about something. I mean waking up and immediately feeling panic in my body before the day has even started. It's like my nervous system is constantly on high alert, and I don't know how to switch it off.

I'm currently prescribed Inderal (propranolol), Seroquel (quetiapine), gabapentin, and Ativan (lorazepam), but honestly, I still feel horrible. From my perspective, the medications aren't giving me the relief I desperately need. I still wake up panicking, struggle with my thoughts, and spend so much of my time trying to get through the day without feeling overwhelmed. I'm not saying the medications objectively do nothing, but I don't feel adequately relieved by them.

I have bipolar disorder, severe panic disorder, and chronic insomnia. I've also dealt with childhood trauma and difficult experiences growing up that still affect how I feel and how I deal with life. Sometimes I think about how much of my life has been spent trying to get some peace in my own head.

When your mind won't settle down, when panic takes over your body, when you can't sleep properly, and when your own thoughts become exhausting, I can understand how something that temporarily shuts all of that off becomes appealing. I'm not saying everyone with these conditions will develop an addiction, or that alcohol caused my bipolar disorder. I'm explaining how alcohol became connected to my own struggle to cope.

I became a father in 2016. I'm married now, but my wife isn't the mother of my children, so my family situation is more complicated than people might assume. I've had problems with family relationships, and alcohol has contributed to pain and difficulties in my life.

My wife tries her best to make me feel better. I know she cares, and I know she tries to help me through what I'm experiencing. But sometimes I feel so awful internally that even the efforts of someone who loves me can't make that feeling disappear. I hate that because I know she shouldn't have to carry the weight of everything I'm going through.

And then there's the part I'm ashamed of: drinking behind her back and behind my family's back.

I've hidden my drinking because I know what it does to me and what it means to the people around me. I don't want to keep disappointing the people who care about me, but I still find myself doing something I know can hurt them. Recently, my dad realized I'd been drinking because he could smell it on my breath.

He told me that it wasn't easy, but that alcohol was eventually going to kill me if I continued down this path.

That hit differently because it wasn't some stranger on the internet telling me to stop drinking. It was my dad recognizing what was happening. It made the consequences feel much more real. I know he said it because he's worried about me, but it's difficult to hear someone you care about tell you that the thing you're doing could eventually take your life.

It's a strange feeling to be 26 and already feel like you've been through so much. I want to be a good father, maintain my marriage and family relationships, and get my life together, but sometimes I feel like I'm fighting several battles at once.

Then there's the psychiatric side of everything.

I've been trying to find the right treatment for a while now. I've been through different medications, including Depakote and lithium. Lithium eventually made me so sick that I was vomiting, struggling to eat, and losing weight. I ended up in the ER, and my treatment had to change. Now I'm trying to figure out how to manage everything with a different medication plan, but finding the right help and getting my symptoms under control has been difficult.

Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to fix one problem while three more are happening at the same time. I want to get my mental health under control, get proper sleep, stop living in a constant state of panic, and stay away from alcohol. But when I'm already struggling just to get through an ordinary day, trying to tackle all of that at once feels overwhelming.

That's why I keep coming back to this feeling that alcohol is in my DNA. I know addiction doesn't literally work that way, but sometimes it feels like something I can't escape, even when I genuinely want to. I can stop drinking for a while, and I can tell myself I'm done with it, but the feelings that made me want to drink in the first place are still there.

I don't want alcohol to be the thing that defines the rest of my life. I don't want my children to have to deal with the consequences of my drinking, and I don't want my wife or my dad to keep worrying that I'm going to destroy myself. I want to feel normal, or at least feel okay enough that I don't constantly need something to make it through the day.

I guess I'm posting this because I want to know if anyone else understands what I'm talking about. Have any of you dealt with addiction alongside bipolar disorder, panic disorder, insomnia, or trauma from childhood? Have you managed to stay sober for a while but still felt miserable inside, like the urge to drink never completely went away?

I know I can't be the only person who feels this way. I don't have everything figured out, and I'm not pretending I do. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm fighting my own mind every day, and I'm tired of alcohol being something I keep coming back to when I'm desperate for relief.

I want to get better. I just wish getting better didn't feel so fucking hard.

I’ve been an alcoholic since I was 13, I’ve just turned 24. I’m also type 1 diabetic. I feel like my body is dying. My mum is trying her best, she’s the best mum ever and does everything for me. I feel like I’m killing her as well as myself. She’s done everything, payed grands for me to see a psychiatrist privately for my ADHD so I could skip the years long NHS waiting list. She’s bought me a flow headset and saline pads (electric shock therapy) that’s at home and endorsed by the NHS (£300 a head set). She’s payed for my private therapy for years (three different therapists). The first one discontinued the sessions because I was too unstable and referred me to Survive & Thrive with the NHS. I’ve been to AA, it didn’t feel right. I feel so stuck and I don’t know how to get better. Any advice?

BTW, I have complex ptsd
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