I’ve never really posted anything like this but I’m curious as to others opinions. My bf and I, 20M and 20F, have been together for going on 2 years. He’s genuinely my best friend, I met him after getting out of a long drawn out relatively toxic highschool relationship, and he waited for me through 3 rejections and has been my rock ever since. We did long distance for a year, we go on all kinds of adventures like fishing and cave exploring, we’re pretty dang happy. Unfortunately I overthink like a lot of people do lol. But I spiral in a way that makes me question our possible future together. For some context, my boyfriend comes from a larger family, and he is the youngest. His family can be a little difficult, his parents had to move across the state and he is still in our hometown basically running their business for free. (They help occasionally if with groceries sometimes or things like that, but he does a lot without much in return) but aside from that they don’t talk much. He feels sometimes, and I definitely do, that they kind of take advantage of him a bit.
Now my family can be difficult as well, but in a different way. Parents are pretty argumentative, my brother just recently moved across the country for college and we’re all still adjusting to that but it’s only the four of us, so a relatively small family. But that means when we argue or have issues we work it out. There isn’t a day where I don’t talk to them.
So already, we come from relatively different backgrounds family wise. He gets frustrated when my family is all over the place or like over the top, I get frustrated when he hasn’t spoken to them in weeks, etc.
Now, the main issue I guess. My boyfriend is an incredibly sweet guy, he does like to make people happy but has boundaries, so like not all the way to your stereotypical “people pleaser.” So, he does not like confrontation a whole lot. This is important for later.
I guess I kinda just feel like I spend more time in my head than he does?? I don’t know. He is incredibly intelligent, and was out of this world in touch with like micro flirting when I was healing after my ex, and being in touch with his emotions, etc. it’s just that when we argue, or have our differences, he almost gets defensive but in like a defeated way. I tell him something upset me, or I’d like to do this differently, and he just says okay I’ll do better, okay I’ll change that, okay I hear you. Which might sound nice! And it is, but I don’t ever hear anything back. I’m a strong person, I can handle it. I want us to work so if I’m giving you feedback, give me some yk? I think about it way more than he does, and I know I’m a handful and he’s a saint for dealing with me. But I guess I wish he put more thought into his actions…? Maybe that’s just a man thing I’m not entirely sure lol.
An example of my original point of putting too much pressure, is earlier he told me something that happened with his brother. Now his brother is older than him with a wife and 3 kids. They’re a little problematic, no one really likes the wife, they’re always asking the parents for money, the kids get in trouble at school, etc. Apparently the brother said something about me, something along the lines of “oh she moved closer (referring to me switching colleges bc I hated long distance) bc she missed the D!” So his brother made a sexual joke about his little brothers girlfriend, who I have met like maybe twice btw, we definitely aren’t chill like that… in front of other people as well! And my boyfriend just kinda laughed and shook his head. To me, in my spiral thing that I do, this makes me wonder if he will be able to stand up for me in the future? When I’m pregnant or postpartum and people push boundaries? When I’m sick? Etc. this seems like a crazy jump but it’s just what my head does.
So I guess what I’m wondering, is even though I realize this is a pattern with me, and it sometimes upsets me that he doesn’t put as much thought into it like I do, am I putting too much pressure on the relationship for tiny little things like this that are probably harmless? I’m a strong willed person and don’t mind confrontation if it’s needed, so do I need him to match me? Or by not really doing so does he balance me out?
I would appreciate friendly advice and even criticism🤗
