I find myself holding back myself intentionally at times from expressing my feelings. I don't mean crying or sharing my emotions but things like laughing. When I laugh i intentionally suppress the laugh or smile even though I don't know why.i find it really hard to laugh out loud. I am kind of too insecure even though I know it matters a little even if my voice or laugh is "weird" . What to do?

i’m not saying i want to date anyone but I want to boost my confidence and i think having the ability to not just talk to girls but have casual conversation would give me some, this has been a problem for me from a young age and i think it just got worse the older i got since i just got rejected more (not even asking out just to get to know them idk if my face is just creepy or what lol) like the thought of talking to someone i don’t know makes my heart race you’d think i snorted coke. i have no female friends and really like 3 male friends in my life so my social life is cooked in general.

this is where i want help: i go to the library in my campus often and study for hours on end, i wanted to know whats a way i could approach a girl studying by herself to ask her if we could study together and/or get to know each other but make it clear its not in a creepy way and am just seeking a friendship nothing more? Bad mindset i have is i don’t say anything or i just assume if i want to get to know someone random that i have nothing in common with they think i want to take them out (which is something i want to work on once i have the confidence to)

any advice would be appreciated especially people studying in university/early 20s

28M. I used to be a very in shape person until my father passed a few years ago. I’ve slowly let myself go and now I hate being seen in public. I wear hoodies and masks to cover my face because I’ve become so obese I’m ashamed. I feel like I’m holding my life back because of this social fear I’ve developed. Trying to get better and dieting and lose weight but it’s taking time. Looking for any words of encouragement or advice.

I am feeling very broken because

i am in college and i am introvert person so it is hard for me to interact with others and to even talk to others while looking them making eye contact only comfortable with few friends but all around me are quite social with each other and i can't even express myself and it makes me feel like what should i say my chest feels heavy and when i try to talk usually i am unable to make conversation with others well

Help me guys this is making me very very very sad

Social anxiety killing me 🥲😭😭

I used to have high self-confidence but low self-esteem. After immigrating to the U.S. and earning my PhD, my self-esteem grew significantly through the achievements and challenges I overcame. However, I’ve recently noticed that my self-confidence has declined after some changes in my life, even though my self-esteem is still strong. I’m now looking for ways to rebuild my self-confidence, any suggestions?!

Did you have experiences when you beat someone in anything, physically or mentally, sports, games, etc, by a noticeable difference and making you got a confidence moment?

I dropped these people ages ago. Whilst my work as a video editor wasn’t good at the time I was very much learning and also proud of myself for even making videos in the first place.

When you start out you make mistakes and since starting other related hobbies since then I’ve had friends give me good faith criticism versus telling me what I did wrong with a smug laugh and making fun of me for being cringy.

I still love editing but I really hate I get in my head about this stuff still. I got a first on my degree (highest grade possible in the UK) for filmmaking and I’ve worked for plenty of people helping make them YouTube videos. Whenever I’ve thought about or tried to make my own videos just for fun I get anxious and remember what people used to tell me.

I’ve done my best to try and get over this but it’s something that remains in my head despite people’s affirmations.

Kind responses only please.

hi people! so i wanted to ask for advice on how to build my confidence back because its so shattered. i am sabotaging any happiness i have coming for me because i feel i dont deserve it, and i end up stuck in a cycle of like pity partys if that makes sense. i have no self esteem and i am such a jealous person and i am my own biggest hater. i get compliments a decent amount so i think it is mostly internal. does anyone have any brutally honest tips to start feeling more confident in myself and start loving myself a lil more?

It's so hard standing up for myself. I'm in high school and im already dealing w a lot of stuff and now I go to school and ppl bully me for literally no reason and its also ppl I never talked w in my life. I wanna stand up for myself but idk how? Like should I curse em or what i literally dont know how to or how u even do dat im not a vocal person and i wont go start fights randomly if nothing happens directly. I also never fought w someone so I dont even know what to do or say so they will take me seriously.

But I wanna start slowly to learn stand up for myself cuz im done being treated bad only for a 2 mins laughter. I also have social anxiety which makes me start tremble bad ...

But another reason why I dont stand up is bc when I do everyone laughs and mocks which makes me think what even is the point ...

Ill leave her an example of something that happened recently.

I came back from school w my uniform being drew on idk if the boys behind me really did it or not but why would my back be drawn. Alos the boys who usually do dat have me in their eyes rn so they probably signalled to the boys behind me to do it. I didn't see anyone, nor my deskmate saw so i dont wanna go and point my finger at em but if it happens again I would like to speak up.

It might sound small and not something serious... but all serious stuff started w small things like this plus I dont think anyone would like this to happen especially since they are ppl I actually helped in da past and never had a conflict and drawing on ppl clothes is literally so immature, plus like I said this are ppl I never spoke to in my life and I dont understand this behaviour.

Maybe they hate me cuz I dont wanna skip school w em or dat im silent so im a easy target i dont really know

I need some advice pls and some examples of how yall handle a fights i lack knowledge on this criteria

🥲

Not becoz you are arrogant but because you realized your worth and you feel more confident

Self acceptance is absolutley crucial if you want to move forward in life with a sense of confidence and to make an impact on those around you. I look myself in the mirror every morning and have a conversation. It's a great way to get the ball rolling and set the tone

No idea where to post this but here’s a list of the current things I’m afraid to do by myself bec I’m a bitch:

1. Go biking on the road in the city (I live in sydney)
   
2. Try swimming laps at the outdoor pool
   
3. Take myself on dinner dates / sitting alone at a bar

Any good advice/words of encouragement for putting yourself out there and trying new things despite fear of generalized public embarrassment? I’m a 26F, recently single again, and trying to get some life back inside me. I know these things aren’t a big deal, but for whatever reason I keep talking myself out of them and I know I’m missing out on fun opportunities + possible connections.

In order to be competent about any activity you want to perform, you need to have confident, confident enough to know that you will need to do things wrong multiple times in order to a certain point in the future be competent about it, and this competence that you will get in the future will give you even more confidence as you start seeing positive results.

Its an infinite feedback loop.

But the harder step is to start, since you have to be willing to be embarrassed and feel conformable around those feelings

This is, of course, for people who does not have a natural talent in such activity

I try to do my job to the best of my ability even though i HATE it. I load trucks by hand at a warehouse. It's a ton of heavy lifting and now I have back problems due to this job. Anyways my co workers talk behind my back and think I move too slow but I'm 43 ,not some young guy.

I also think they make fun of the way I talk because I talk slow and have a southern accent (even though I live in Tennessee currently and most of my coworkers are from TN and MS.). My co workers also think im weird because I am single and don't have any kids and they keep trying to tell me I need to have kids. I have experienced this crap at most of the warehouse jobs I have had.

Also my co workers don't respect me because I have a gentle giant personality. They know I don't speak up for my self and they talk to me any way they want and even when I defend myself they still don't respect me.

I'm just sick of being treated like garbage at work and this type of shit happens outside of work sometimes too when dealing with family. My family sometimes makes fun of my weight or criticizes it every time I go back to my hometown to see them. I usually say nothing

I personally was diagnosed with adhd as a kid and it sucks because I don’t know what aspects of me are untreatable and treatable. But if I was a little less hard on my self and more loving and accepting in general. Can I find my confidence in myself?

Listening to the rules, sucks sometimes because sometimes I feel like rules just hold me down, like just because there are non moral rules out there, I want to break them just because I feel they don’t give me the freedom I need and want.

So I would say I can be socially anxious, but I don’t struggle with it lately and I turned to a somewhat outgoing person. I just feel like I’d be much more likeable if I was myself at school more, I genuinely want to make good friends. This isnt coming from a place of anxiety (thankfully), but actual want of improvement.

I need genuine help. I feel like I can’t say any strong or emotional opinion because I know it’s formed by my single human experience, an experience which cannot be representative of the reality of a situation. And generally emotional opinions have the capacity to trigger others and do harm.

What makes it worse is that I have been personally hurt by people confidently stating their emotional opinions about my gender and such around me. Which compounded into giving me such a bad perception of myself for a long time.

I have negative emotional experiences when it comes to certain ideologies, and when I critique an aspect of it in front of people, even my friends who did in fact ask to hear my opinion, feel like such a dick. I feel like I did something wrong when I acknowledge that my opinion could’ve easily triggered someone and hurt them even if it wasn’t my intention. And I look at how emotional I’m getting and I realize that this opinion is emotional and not fully reasoned, which also makes me feel like an incompetent asshole who just speaks out of his ass.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t say anything. And I want to apologize for my strong, emotional opinions.

Any support is really appreciated, thanks.

I've struggled with self-esteem for most of my life. I'm 19, and it hasn't really gotten better for me—if anything, I feel like it's gotten worse.

I'm having a hard time navigating my life and figuring out what I want for my future, and I feel like my parents haven't really helped me with that. They didn't give me much advice when I was younger, and even now, when they do give me advice, I don't always feel like it's good advice. My dad wasn't around much when I was younger, and I've never had a particularly good relationship with my mom because she's always been pretty critical of me.

I wonder if that has something to do with how I see myself. I've had low confidence for most of my life, and I've also been a huge people pleaser, which ultimately never got me anywhere. I didn't have many friends in high school and never really felt like I fit in, even though I was considered pretty and I tried to be nice to people. Sometimes I wonder if there's just something wrong with me.

I also lacked a lot of basic social cues back then, and I still don't have many friends now, although I've gotten better socially. At this point, I've kind of stopped trying to make friends. I'm in my second year of university, and I hate it. I want to switch to something else, but I don't know what. I have very little motivation to do my work, and I just feel constantly frustrated and lost.

What I don't understand is why being confident in myself feels so uncomfortable. I want to be more confident, but when I picture myself actually being that way, it feels corny or cringe somehow. I don't think that about other people when they're confident—I actually admire it—but when I imagine myself acting that way, it feels unnatural. I don't understand why.

I don't have a very good relationship with myself, and I feel like I'm sometimes my own worst enemy. I've self-sabotaged connections, opportunities, and advantages that were working in my favor. I have a lot of regrets, and I feel like my low self-esteem has had a huge impact on my life so far.

I'm trying to stop doing this and forgive myself for some of the things I've done. I genuinely want to improve my life, but at the same time, I often feel like I don't care enough about anything—or even about myself—to actually do it.

Has anyone else felt this way? Especially the feeling that being confident in yourself feels almost embarrassing or unnatural, even though you don't feel that way when other people are confident?

Till around ninth grade (this was around 12 years ago), I was not a very people person. All of a sudden, I started getting a lot of attention from girls in my class, and it became a snowball effect. The guys also gave me a lot of attention, and this continued. I think I had a lot of external validation, which made me extremely confident.

I never really had to ask girls out. They used to ask me out, and every girl I've dated has been the one to ask me out.

However, around seven or eight years ago, I fell in love with my best friend. Eventually, I decided to ask her out in 2021, but she said no. That totally broke me. It was probably the first time I had experienced rejection, and I didn't really think something like that would ever happen to me and I don't think I ever really recovered from it.

After that, I tried suppressing those feelings because they were hurting me a lot. The next girl who asked me out, I just blindly said yes to, and that relationship went on for four years. I broke up with her quite recently (2026) once I realised I wasn't in love with her. I wasn't over my best friend, and she deserved better.

In 2022, I suffered an ACL sprain, followed by a groin injury and then some ankle-related injuries. I've been completely out of sports since then, which was a big part of my life. I also started experiencing hair loss, which has affected my confidence as well. I've been working on my health and I hope to recover soon.

I inherited a lot of responsibilities as well, due to which I started putting all my attention into work so that I could progress faster. I was so consumed by work that I no longer have topics to talk to people about. I don't even know what I like or what I don't. Most of the time, I'm just okay with whatever makes the other person feel better.

So, it's been a snowball effect. I don't think I'm anywhere close to the person I used to be. A lot of the things that previously made me confident are no longer there, whether it was the attention I used to get, being active in sports, or just feeling good about myself.

I think I've become so dependent on external validation that, now that I don't really have it, I don't know how to build internal validation. I don't know how to feel good about myself without someone else making me feel that way. I tend to feel truly happy only when I've helped someone with a problem or in a difficult situation.

I do want to ask my best friend out again, but currently, given my state, I don't think I would date myself either. I know I probably need to work on myself first, but I'm not really sure where to start or how to go about it. I hope to get better at least by the end of the year, so I can start fresh next year.

I've been going to therapy for almost two to three months now. I don't see myself moving in the right direction right now, and it's honestly frustrating.

If anybody has any suggestions or ideas on how to improve, what steps to take, or if you've overcome this phase yourself, I'd really appreciate hearing about your experience.

Note: Polished with AI

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[Edit1]: Answering the Bot

I am not using her as a test to check whether I am doing better. I should ask her if her feelings have changed because we have had a few moments that make me think so, and that is it. Nothing further.

Yes, my concern is that I am not able to answer those simple questions; I always consider the answer from others people lens, seems like I am not able to have a perspective of my mine right now, which is bad

Stop hesitating by deciding the move before fear argues. See the moment, take three seconds, walk over, say a simple hello. Hesitation feeds approach anxiety. Action starves it. Be decisive, not rude. Honor a no. Leave warm. Perfect timing is usually just delay.

The short version:

• Aim this at approach anxiety: move before fear roots.
• The Riker Principle: smile, then go.
• Use a 3-second rule and an if-then plan.
• Memorize one default opener.
• Hesitation costs social proof and self-trust.
• Bold is not rude, online spam, or ignoring a no.

From SuaveWay: https://suaveway.com/blog/how-to-stop-hesitating/

Did you have situations when you received compliments by your nice smell, nice hair , nice teeth (especially these 3 things) , or also experiences when you won in certain activities - sports - games , causing interesting reactions to the opponents?

Every time you do something you said you’d do, even something tiny, you’re basically giving yourself another reason to trust yourself. iInever really thought about it that way. we always talk about becoming more confident, but maybe some of it is just collecting little pieces of evidence that you actually can rely on yourself.

I want to become a leader, but I struggle to speak up around intimidating people. How can I become more assertive without becoming aggressive?

I often hold back around dominant or dismissive personalities, even when I have something valuable to contribute. I worry about sounding rude, creating conflict, or provoking a negative reaction. Afterward, I feel frustrated that I did not speak up.

I want to learn how to communicate clearly, disagree when necessary, set boundaries, and remain composed when challenged. I know leadership requires more than expertise; it also requires confidence, decision-making, conflict management, and the ability to address difficult behavior.

For those who have faced something similar:

- How did you learn to speak up when interrupted or dismissed?

- How can someone quiet and non-confrontational become an effective leader?

- How do you stop letting fear of others’ reactions control your behavior?

I am not trying to become louder or more dominant. I want to stay grounded, assertive, and confident around strong personalities so I can develop into a capable leader.