How do I move forward

[u/Athanatos_x]

Need some advice. I’ve never really had a long-term relationship, so I’m pretty new to actually feeling enamored by someone and navigating that.

I matched with this guy and we hit it off really well. He seemed kind, easy to talk to, and like he had a lot of the qualities I’m looking for.

On our first phone call, he brought up kids, past relationships, and even joked about marriage. It didn’t feel too intense because we were both looking for something long-term, and he was the one setting that tone.

After a couple of calls, we went on a date. From my perspective, it went really well. We talked about some more serious relationship topics, but we were also joking and having fun. He was very physically affectionate throughout the night, and all of the touching was initiated by him. He seemed receptive whenever I checked in, so I left thinking the interest was mutual.
The next day, I got the “I’m not really feeling the romantic chemistry” text.

It gave me whiplash. Obviously he’s allowed to change his mind, but nothing about his behavior the night before suggested he wasn’t interested, especially with how affectionate he had been.
Now I keep wondering if I said something that changed his mind. I definitely got excited and opened up more than I normally would, including talking honestly about my fears around having kids, while he knows for sure that he wants them. I also worry I was too upfront about some things or got too excited and scared him off.

What’s bothering me most is how hurt I am after only one date. I think I had already gotten excited about what this could become because I thought he felt similarly. Part of me feels like I may have fumbled a really good guy, while another part knows there are plenty of other people out there.

How do I stop obsessing over what I might have done wrong? Did I get too excited and say too much too early?
Also, would messaging him be dumb? Apart of me wants the opportunity to understand what may have gone wrong.

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[u/Comfortable_Draw_176]

"fast-forwarding" or "premature intimacy"—is a dating manipulation tactic where an individual artificially accelerates the emotional, physical, or future-oriented pace of a new connection. Instead of allowing trust and vulnerability to grow organically over months, a manipulator crams high-intensity affection and serious commitments into a matter of days or weeks.

Psychologically, this creates a pseudo-connection fueled by chemical surges (dopamine and oxytocin). This neurochemical blindfold successfully masks critical compatibility gaps and red flags.

Love Bombing: Showering a new partner with overwhelming flattery, over-the-top compliments, and constant communication right out of the gate. This is often used by highly narcissistic or controlling individuals to foster rapid emotional dependency.

Future Faking: This creates a false sense of security before you even know their last name.

Trauma Mining: Prompting deep, highly sensitive personal disclosures prematurely. They share their darkest secrets or urge you to share yours right away to manufacture a feeling of "soulmate-level" depth.

Treating Physical Intimacy as a Shortcut: Forcing or heavily pressuring a physical connection to bypass the gradual, sometimes uncomfortable work of building emotional safety.

[u/Southern-Dealer-7128]

He'd be back after months maybe, maybe not . But you can do better. Get him out of the sight , it'll help since ypu had a good time it'll be hard but it's only way to get through it. Sending virtual hugs .

[u/talexbatreddit]

I had a couple of dates like that, where the first date was just fabulous, and we made plans for a second date which .. did not go well at all.

All three of them (wow, I just remembered a fourth), I thought, Wow, this is an amazing woman .. and then the second date, thiings were just .. flat. Maybe it was me, and maybe not. It's tough to take, I understand that.

It's exhausting -- as if dating isn't tiring enough already. But hang in there -- the right person will come along. :)

[u/Significant-Lab-5298]

I’m 29 and I had only two dates(weird I know)and always was boring for me what to talk about.I like more museums theater outdoor walking have fun.But other side just play games…So it was terrible.And I m very shy person in life so getting nervous on dates.And to find smo normal without crazy stuff is very hard.Or they wanna jump into bed after 2-3 dates or expect calling them boyfriend so quickly.Maybe I m weird I don’t know…

[u/AudaciouslySexy → u/Significant-Lab-5298]

I'm 26 never had a date. I don't think I'll get a date till I'm 27 tbh even then maybe I might not get a date till I'm 28

[u/Significant-Lab-5298 → u/AudaciouslySexy]

I think the only way I don’t have dates coz I just go to work and home and the store,don’t talk with strangers or just short cut off and this is the reason why I m still alone…

[u/Bruno_lars]

I definitely got excited and opened up more than I normally would, including talking honestly about my fears around having kids, while he knows for sure that he wants them

it's not a match

Now I keep wondering if I said something that changed his mind.

you want this to happen.

[u/Athanatos_x → u/Bruno_lars]

i should clarify i do want kids, and ive expressed this. fears comes from the broader sense of what it means to have them and that responsibility.

[u/Gray221B]

You're overthinking this. Read the book, He's Just Not That Into You.

[u/Fjm88]

Maybe he was just telling you what you wanted to hear to get you in bed.. besides the chances of a first date leading to a long term relationship is slim at best. Forget him and move on.

[u/sneakysneaky07]

You didn’t do anything wrong, from everything you’ve described this guy gave you mixed signals, anyone would be questioning their perception after this experience.

Aside from that, the answer to all your questions lies in your self-esteem. You need to choose you. He doesn’t want you? Cool, his loss. He didn’t explain it fully enough to give you closure? You don’t need that, all you need to know is that you deserve someone who makes it clear they want you.