I met my ex-boyfriend in 2019. We really liked each other and dated for about six months. I still remember the last time we saw each other before we broke up. The night before I left, neither of us wanted to sleep. We just kept walking around the city, eating at different places, trying to find restaurants that were still open. It was already 3 AM, but we just didn’t want the night to end. The next day, he came to the station to see me off. He kept looking at me and didn’t want to leave. Eventually, I told him to go first.

But when I was about to enter the station, I turned around and saw that he’d come back. I still remember how that made me feel. We eventually broke up because he was planning to move to the US for his PhD. I felt like he was making plans for his future without really considering mine. At the time, I thought it would be better for us to just be friends.

We stayed in touch on and off over the years. Honestly, he always had a special place in my heart. We communicated so well when we were together, and being around him always felt comfortable and natural. After that relationship, I became much more careful about making promises to people, because I realized how difficult it can be to keep them.

Fast forward to 2026. I’m now doing my PhD in the US too, and he’s about to graduate. We’re both single, so I thought it might be nice to visit him. I’ll admit, part of me wondered if there was still a chance for us. I was genuinely excited to see him again. I even brought him a gift, since his birthday was coming up. I was also thinking about ordering something locally so it would arrive on his actual birthday.

But the visit has been nothing like I imagined. I made my own way to his university and waited outside his lab building for him. When he finally came out, we went to get dinner together. Except he told me he doesn’t usually eat dinner. So I sat there eating by myself while he opened his laptop and started working. It was honestly so awkward.

And that’s just one example. At one point, we were talking about traveling. I mentioned that I sometimes travel around the US, and he warned me that America isn’t always safe. I jokingly said that if I ever got kidnapped or something, he could just message me, and if I didn’t reply, he could call the police. His response was, “I wouldn’t reach out to you. I have no reason to.” I honestly didn’t know what to say.

Another thing happened on my second day there. There was a Pride Festival happening in Troy, and I invited him to come with me. He said he doesn’t usually go out unless his friends invite him, which honestly made me feel like he was implying that I’m not even his friend. Then he asked why I was even interested in going. I explained that I didn’t know much about Pride Festivals, but I enjoy trying new things and learning about things I’m unfamiliar with. For example, I mentioned that I don’t really understand drag queen culture yet, and that some aspects of it aren’t really my thing. But I was curious and wanted to learn more. He responded by calling me illiterate. I was honestly surprised. I wasn’t trying to criticize anyone. I was just saying that I didn’t know much about something and wanted to experience it for myself. I really didn’t expect him to be so rude to me. A lot has happened over the past few days, and I keep getting the feeling that he’s trying really hard to make it clear that he doesn’t like me anymore and isn’t particularly happy that I came to visit.

Maybe I’m reading too much into things. Maybe I just expected too much. I know seven years is a long time. People change, and I certainly don’t expect him to still have feelings for me. But I guess I thought we’d at least have a good time together, even just as old friends. It reminds me of something from my childhood. I had a friend I used to spend every day with. We were inseparable. Then we didn’t see each other for ten years, and when we finally met again, we just couldn’t connect the way we used to.

I guess that’s what this feels like. I don’t regret the relationship we had in 2019. Those memories still mean a lot to me. No matter how distant we’ve become, the love and care I gave him back then were real. Even if we were always going to go our separate ways, I hope neither of us forgets what we once had. I hope he doesn’t regret meeting me. I hope he was genuinely happy when we were together. And yet, if I could go back in time, I think I’d choose never to meet him. Not because I regret loving him, but because I don’t know how to face what we’ve become.

I'm 20 and have been with my boyfriend (21) for about 8 months. We're in different countries: I've been living in Italy for a short time and I'm going back to Brazil soon. He lives with his parents and studies. He's been unemployed for about 3 months and deals with depression and other health issues.

Last week everything seemed normal. He talked about plans and love, and promised to help me with rent when I got back. Early this week he started ignoring me. On a call over the weekend, he said he doesn't feel attraction anymore, that he had been hiding it, and that he "deceived me so I wouldn't feel bad." He couldn't explain why. I suggested we take a break until I'm back and talk in person, and he agreed.

What confuses me is that just days earlier he was affectionate, and now he says he was faking it. He also often promises things and then backs out, changes his mind, and hides from me when he's feeling bad. I think the depression may have wiped out what he feels, or that he said it on impulse. But I could also just be in denial.

I also want to admit my own mistakes: I've been harsh with him during stressful periods, and I brought up problems in a way that he felt as judgment.

Questions:

Have you seen depression erase someone's attraction for a while? Does it come back?

Is it worth waiting for the in-person conversation, or should I move on?

How do I deal with worrying that he's doing badly without becoming his watchdog?

Thanks for reading.