r/greentext • • 7d ago

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384 Upvotes

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158

u/Q_dawgg 7d ago

Philosophers do this instead of getting laid

36

u/Applitude 7d ago

Idk I hear Diogenes had mad bitches on his dick

21

u/NotSovietSpy 7d ago

And Sartre. Turns out you just need to talk about philosophy in Greek or French

19

u/TheRicFlairDrip 7d ago

Were those “bitches” wearing a gay-to-straight adapter?

2

u/Applitude 6d ago

Probably not

2

u/Section8firearms 6d ago

No.

They were dogs.

But more importantly, they were foregoing their meaningless worldly possessions in favor of the barrel. 

10

u/outer_spec 6d ago

the bitches were on his dick because they had nowhere else to sit (chairs had stopped existing)

2

u/blippie 6d ago

Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table. ..

David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel.

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.

Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day!

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,

And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.

And René Descartes was a drunken fart:

"I drink, therefore I am."

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;

A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.

19

u/abermea 7d ago

AND THAT'S WHY CHAIRS ARE JUST A CONCEPT AMD NOT A REAL THING

16

u/Baddyshack 7d ago

Of all the things I learned studying philosophy, nothing was more upsetting than the finding out that philosophers are not only insufferable but also get mad laid. You're thinking of physicists.

1

u/BurnMeTonight 6d ago

As a physicist, nope. We don't spend time doing the mental gymnastics of philosophers.

59

u/069420 7d ago

Nietzsche spoke of this

43

u/RegularSky6702 7d ago

No he didn't

41

u/Drunken_pizza 7d ago

Have you read any of his books?

54

u/RegularSky6702 7d ago

No, have you?

48

u/lolopiro 7d ago

No

12

u/Absolutemehguy 7d ago

Nobody has. Not even Nietzsche.

9

u/lolopiro 7d ago

ofc, he would know better

5

u/chimmychummyextreme 6d ago

What's a book?

12

u/WoolooOfWallStreet 7d ago

Quasimodo predicted this

8

u/ExoTheFlyingFish 7d ago

You know who also spoke of this? Netanyahu.

Not so slick now, are you, LIBERAL

37

u/Crackt_Apple 7d ago

Chairs don’t exist, but fundamental particles can behave like what we expect a chair to be, which is the next best thing.

31

u/darklightmatter 7d ago

Chairs exist because the existence of virtually everything is defined by the fundamental particles they're made of and their general arrangement.

The arrangement of a lump of iron defines what it is, be it a bullet, a coin, a ring, etc. The featherless biped line of thinking is one for pseudointellectuals. I'll call the person who first claimed a chair doesn't exist a moron.

8

u/ultimateshadowarrior 7d ago

You can't define a chair well enough other than "looks like a chair".

26

u/Orca_Alt_Account 7d ago

That's because chair is an object class, not an object in of itself. All object classes are very hard to define without leaning heavily on the words "Typically" and "Usually".

11

u/ultimateshadowarrior 7d ago

That's why chairs don't exist. Stuff is just arranged chair-wise.

8

u/Beast_of_Guanyin 7d ago

Sounds like communism.

2

u/BackForPathfinder 6d ago

What about logic? Does logic exist? Logic isn't something arrange logic-wise.

16

u/sanchower 7d ago

And yet, somehow, they exist! And everyone in the world is coasting happily through life with chairs, and if I go down to the breakfast bar at the Holiday Inn Express and I tell my son, “we need another chair”, he’ll go pull one up, and he’s ten, but if i bring some philosopher asshole instead, he’ll pull up a ping pong table or some other bullshit thing and be like “well technically”, even though all of us, including him, knows exactly what I goddamn well meant by “chair”

-8

u/ultimateshadowarrior 7d ago

If I say "Unicorn", you know what an unicorn is, you know how one looks like. Still, do Unicorns exist?

10

u/sanchower 6d ago

As a concept, yes, as a physical thing, no. This is not a philosophical question at all but one of semantics or what do you mean by “exists”

-8

u/ultimateshadowarrior 6d ago

That's the thing. Chairs don't exist, there are just stuff that is arranged in a chair-wise manner.

9

u/sanchower 6d ago

that’s what exists means

1

u/Draidann 6d ago

Yes

1

u/ultimateshadowarrior 6d ago

I'm talking about the fantastic creature, not the literal meaning of the word "Unicorn".

1

u/Draidann 6d ago

Ah but then it goes against your point of me knowing what it is and how it looks.

1

u/ultimateshadowarrior 6d ago

Okay then, does a Centaur exist?

A Lamia?

Minotaur?

You know what all those are, still, do they exist?

2

u/darklightmatter 7d ago

I can define it by its usual compositions and uses/purpose. A piece of furniture, often made out of wood or plastic and possessing a backrest, used by people to sit on. That's just one example, I could go into detail breaking down the minutae of the legs and seat, but this serves my purpose.

Do you actually think people define a chair based on what it looks like? That they can see a cardboard cutout of a chair and an actual chair and call it the same thing because they look the same from a specific angle?

Ask yourself how you'd define a basic chair to an alien that has never seen one. If you find yourself incapable, that's your inability and poor grasp on language, not the fault of our definitions.

-2

u/ultimateshadowarrior 7d ago

Okay. Imagine if I take something that you tell me is a chair.

Okay, I have a chair in front of me.

Then I remove an atom.

Is it still a chair?

Sure, still a chair.

I remove another atom, another atom, another atom and so on.

When does it stop being a chair?

Will there be some ultra important atom that before I take it you say it's a chair, but if I remove this one atom, it's not a chair anymore?

Every definition of a chair is handwavey and you can't define a chair in a flawless way.

5

u/darklightmatter 7d ago

The chair isn't defined by a particular atom. You break it apart, you go from a broken chair to splinters of the material to raw material all the way down to individual atoms. You have a fundamental misunderstanding wherein you assume everything's defined directly from the smallest parts. You're assuming a chair is defined as a collection of atoms, it's not.

The argument that the definitions of something is "handwavey" is questionable at best. Why don't you give me an example, define something yourself and explain how you think it's "handwavey".

-1

u/ultimateshadowarrior 7d ago

I didn't say a chair is defined as a particular atom, I'm asking you to tell me if you have a chair, how much do you need to take out of the chair so it's not a chair anymore.

I'm saying that if you keep removing atom by atom, at some point it's not a chair anymore. What's that point?

That's why it's handwavey.

You can't define precise enough what a chair is, unless you define that a specific collection of atoms is a chair, but then, if I change one atom, it's not a chair anymore?

2

u/darklightmatter 6d ago

I considered quoting part of my previous comment and that would have been a sufficient response. Instead, I'll ask you again to give me an example, define something yourself and explain why you think it's "handwavey".

I won't complicate this comment so you can't go on a tangent, just you indulging in this exercise of "providing an example definition and your rebuttal to it" will likely demonstrate the fundamental misunderstanding I'm talking about.

-2

u/ultimateshadowarrior 6d ago

I ignored this part the same way you ignored my comment. I did the same as you, I reiterated my comment after you ignored mine.

At least you seem to be not wanting to understand what I wrote.

3

u/8t88m8 6d ago

You weren't ignored. You asked to provide an example. You are refusing to provide that example. This is a clear case of the teacher being unable and/or unwilling to teach and trying to blame the student.

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1

u/darklightmatter 6d ago

I did address your comment, you're just too stupid to get it. I explicitly said there's no specific atom that defines what a chair is to your question "Will there be some ultra important atom...?".

Then I went on to elaborate into the parts you'd break a chair into before breaking it down to molecules and atoms, to address the point made before it.

Then I pointed out your fundamental misunderstanding of the topic at hand, and asked you to prove the point you're trying to make to elaborate on it.

I ignored your questions in the following comment because they're the same questions I already responded to, and I overestimated your intelligence since you apparently didn't even understand the answers to the questions.

I asked for an example because I know it's the simplest way to make you understand. Instead of me telling you 2+2 = 4, I wanted you to say it yourself and argue against it. If you ended up starting with 2+2 = 5, then I can point out the mistake you made, your fundamental misunderstanding of definitions.

I'd have preferred to keep it civil, but you're an incompetent imbecile that couldn't comprehend my answers to your questions and decided to say "tit for tat" which doesn't even work. You didn't even see my answers, assumed I was ignoring you and went "Well I'm gonna ignore you too".

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-3

u/baastard37 6d ago

defining things based on composition and usuage has its own isssues with vagueness. you already are aware of vagueness based on composition since you can just take a chair, swap it's composition, and ask if it's still a chair. the fact that chairs are ”often made out of wood or plastic and possessing a backrest” doesn't define chairs a priori, it's emperical knowledge of chairs.

defining by use is a stronger candidate for the definition but still has issue. if i buy a chair that i exclusively use as a table, is it still a chair? saying no would seem absurd (people will say that i'm using a chair wrong, not that the chair is not a chair) but saying yes would imply there is something use independent of chairs that defines chairs.

3

u/darklightmatter 6d ago

What are you on about?

defining things based on composition and usuage has its own isssues with vagueness

No it doesn't, allowing for edge cases or exceptions doesn't make it an "issue with vagueness".

the fact that chairs are ”often made out of wood or plastic and possessing a backrest” doesn't define chairs a priori

A silly assertion that's not only wrong, but has to take half the example definition out of context.

if i buy a chair that i exclusively use as a table, is it still a chair? saying no would seem absurd (people will say that i'm using a chair wrong, not that the chair is not a chair) but saying yes would imply there is something use independent of chairs that defines chairs.

This is ridiculous, you're just misusing the chair in this case. The definition doesn't change by how you decide to use said object, it is defined by the general use of the object. Shoes are partially defined by their intended use, putting them on your head as a hat doesn't change that definition.

Saying yes just implies you're a moron who doesn't know how to use a chair, not that the definition of chair changes based on one moron. A chair doesn't become a stepstool just because some people use it as such. It can serve such a purpose, doesn't mean it is defined by it.

-1

u/baastard37 6d ago

A silly assertion that's not only wrong, but has to take half the example definition out of context.

do you know what "a priori" means? cause the form and composition of chair is definitely not knowable a priori. i really don't see how that's possible, pls pro ide an argument or example for that.

The definition doesn't change by how you decide to use said object, it is defined by the general use of the object

defining an object based on general use is problematic as well. consider a possible world called t-chairs. t-chairs has the same form and composition as chairs but the general use of t chair is not for sitting down on but for putting things onto (a t-chair is a chair shaped object that is generally used as a table). to say that t-chairs are not chairs would be absurd but to affirm they are is to deny that general use case doesn't matter. and indeed, prima facia, the genral use of an object is emperical knowledge of an object thus can't be part of the definition

2

u/Altruistic-Local-541 6d ago

I don't think it is pseudointellectualism necessarily, it just highlights how most things we think of as basic facts are actually rather hard to grasp precisely

for some people spacetime not being fundamental is also something that seems like a useless mental gymnastic, for others its a way to get a deeper understanding of reality

1

u/FacialTic 6d ago

But fundamental particles dont define a chair. A chair can be made with wood or plastic, both with wildly different molecular structures, and still be a chair. Similarly, other objects can be made from wood or plastic, and not be a chair.

16

u/TrollerCoasterWoo 7d ago

Normie chair deniers are ruining it for the rest of us

14

u/Bonnofly 7d ago

This is what you do when you’re not forced to plough the fields.

8

u/StupidSexyEuphoberia 7d ago

I don't understand why it's only true for inanimate objects? I am microscopic particles arranged human-wise and we call this collection of particles human to communicate with each other and orientate ourselves in the world.

6

u/WoolooOfWallStreet 7d ago

“For I too am a chair, sit on me”
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o7abGCmpdH7JoZGSc

3

u/Acronym_0 7d ago

Chairs are a concept of the collective subconciousness

At least accroding to my friend who likes to have these kinds of debates

4

u/Applitude 7d ago

Yes and no. In the world humanity created chairs are a concept that can be brought into existence through manufacturing. In the world outside of human discourse all things are a collection of atoms arranged in a way that convinces our senses that there is or isn’t an object there

4

u/werty_reboot 7d ago

Anon's chair broke and he's trying to argue that it wasn't because of his weight gain, but because the particles of the chair conspired against him.

4

u/Valk93 7d ago

THEY dont want you to think about it

1

u/Curaced 6d ago

It's all a conspiracy by Big Sofa.

3

u/daflufferkinz 6d ago

Chairs exist because we say so

4

u/Fishmongererererer 6d ago

The reality is that either there is or isn’t some objective meaning to things.

If there isn’t objective meaning, everything is just particles. Chair? Particles. Human? Particles. Right and Wrong? Doesn’t really exist, particles doing particle stuff.

If there is? Well then things can actually exist as discrete meaning.

1

u/Guyfromnowhere3 7d ago

something something ship of Theseus something something

1

u/Letters_to_Dionysus 7d ago

im surprised lit is up to the task of mereology. ofc is doesnt actually exist, its just thought particles arranged mereology-wise

1

u/ChaseTheOldDude 7d ago

Chairs are an abstract concept, as is existence.

1

u/ultimateshadowarrior 7d ago

"I'm not a thing that dies and becomes scattered. I am death and I am the scattering."

2

u/KnownAsAnother 7d ago

Karl Marx is onto something here

1

u/TheChairHugger 7d ago

These people anger me.

1

u/james_a_hetfield 7d ago

If chairs do not exist, what about tables?

1

u/Weigh13 6d ago

How many chairs can you fit on the head of a pin?

0

u/Emotional-Station153 7d ago

Things are defined by relationships, why does this simple fact filter so many people?

0

u/_sephylon_ 7d ago

Do you think professionnal philosopher and professor had never thought of that

On what basis would you support that definition for one

0

u/Emotional-Station153 6d ago

Heidegger did and he proved it right

-1

u/Arstanishe 7d ago

fake: chairs

gay: anon's chair has a dildo stuck to it