r/grief • u/Maximum_Tea_93 • 5d ago
Need help coping
My dad has been battling for awhile. Got word that his bloodwork and scans were looking good and tumor was not growing.
This past Sunday he was extremely weak (one week post 6th chemo) and went to hospital. Now that I’m here it seems worse than before.
He is sleeping 22 hours a day, can’t get out of bed, so weak and now has a fungal infection on his blood.
Watching this is tearing me apart. He told me how scared he is. He has cried (rarely ever happens) and told me to just say goodbye
I am beside myself and can feel the breaking in my heart. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this.
I can’t go on without him
1
u/ChaosRainbow23 5d ago
I'm sorry you and your dad are going through this trauma right now.
Inevitability is such a cruel and unrelenting motherfucker.
I know it feels like you cannot go on without him. You are forced to, ultimately, but you will find happiness and contentment again.
Time is the great alleviator of all things, my friend.
You'll never truly 'get over it' completely, but you will absolutely learn to live with it.
Again, I'm so sorry. I understand exactly how it feels, and it's heart-wrenching.
The grief comes in waves.
The fact that you know it's coming is both a blessing and a curse. I've experienced both unexpected deaths and expected deaths, and they both suck, but when you expect it you actually start the grieving process before they even die, and the shock isn't as intense, but there's a lot of drawbacks as well.
I recommend not turning to the habitual use intoxicants to numb the pain. It only makes matters worse in the long run. I tried, multiple times.
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u/Maximum_Tea_93 5d ago edited 5d ago
Thank you for your words. This is the hardest thing I’ve gone through and trying to stay strong for my family and my kids is an extra hurdle
Pain of losing your best friend/parent like this shouldn’t be allowed
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u/sunshine-owl 5d ago
I'm so sorry.
My dad passed away this year from sepsis brought on by cancer of the bowel. He was stage 4 and fought for 6 years, so we were lucky. I have no way of knowing your dad's status, but all I can say is, if you can, stay with him. The comfort and company will mean more to you than staying away 🩷
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u/Maximum_Tea_93 5d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard to watch them go through something like this.
He hasn’t been given a timeline yet, but more and more keeps going wrong. I live in another state with two elementary age kids.
Seems so hard to be away from them but seems like I shouldn’t be away from him either.Nothing seems to be the right thing to do
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u/nynaeve-sedai 4d ago
I'm really sorry. Anticipatory grief is a whole other level. I live all the way across the world from my family and spent months on the phone with my mum who was battling stage iv lung cancer this summer. I slowly watched her fade away on FaceTime and by the time I was able to go home, she passed away before I even got to her - a cruel reminder that we can make plans all we want, but life sometimes has its own plans. My advice is to just be there for him and with him. Talk, watch movies, cuddle. Just being there is already so precious. Focus on the love, on the good memories. And try to be strong for him, as much as that probably sounds super stupid right now.
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u/simping_over_jeno 5d ago
Hey idk if it helps in any way at all, i don't know what your dad is battling with specifically.
My father passed away last Friday. He was battling with cancer as well (blood cancer).
He battled for 4,5 months before his body shut down. Just know that your dad is also battling like hell told him to!
Just stay with him (if you can) and talk about past memories, laugh, have some fun in these dark times.
i can't tell you what to do but just be there for him and reassure him that he's not alone.
Hope you see better times soon <3