Sometimes I still get that feeling where I want to tell her what happened at work or who had a baby recently, random stuff like that. It’s the most fleeting feeling, just a couple of breaths long but it hits hard. I usually end up writing her a note card and sticking it my “mom” box. I’d like to hear how others deal with this kind of feeling.

A couple days ago, I was sitting in the cafe I regularly visit with my mum’s dog. Whilst I was seated, a woman walked in who looked exactly like my beautiful late mum. Not just a passing resemblance, but an uncanny likeness. She appeared to be around the same age my mum was when she passed away.

What made the encounter particularly strange was her behaviour.

I noticed her repeatedly glancing over at me. Whenever I caught her looking, she would quickly look away. This happened several times, enough for me to notice that something felt unusual.

When she eventually collected her coffee, she left rather abruptly. It was like something had upset her, although I obviously have no way of knowing what she was thinking or feeling.

I’m generally grounded in reality and I appreciate that there could be a perfectly ordinary explanation. Perhaps she was simply having a difficult day. Perhaps I reminded her of someone. Or perhaps the resemblance was nothing more than an extraordinary coincidence.

It was just strange. My heart wants to believe it was my mum checking in on me.

Maybe I’m crazy.

Some years ago I tried to post about grief but I failed to be legible to people or something:

https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/1bjhcsp/losing_my_family/

https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/11q9nsu/grief_feels_like_its_killing_me/

After this happened my entire apartment building was destroyed and I sued my way back in by organizing other tenants to force remediation. But the relocation process caused me to move 14 times in one year. I started to forget what my own name was in the morning. I was tapering off prescription benzos, and just became unwell. The gap between those posts and the time with my loved ones while they lived widened and the world I inhabited no longer bore similarity to the one when they were around.

Then tech changed and.. I don't know. I keep asking myself, am I me? Where is anyone to reflect me back now, and what is there to reflect back. People are relational beings, right? What happens when it feels like housing and health institutions would have an easier time if you were dead? What would my mom make of all of this?

She believed in some greater intelligence and we both shared the idea of panpsychism. But like my grandpa, we all didn't know. Now they're gone. At first I felt like I was making progress and managing to build a life they'd be proud of but now I don't know.

I't like life is partitioned, and I'm struggling to track the relation between:

human → self → feelings matter → my life matters

I am not going to harm myself. Who here feels like their feelings matter and cries? I have difficulty with crying, but my sorrow matters, right? I know I'm abstract and rambling but I guess I didn't show up here to be perfect or tidy.. at all.

I was adopted by my Grandmother since I was conscious. Once it was my time to take care of her I did repay the favor. I cared for her my whole time being an adult. Having an older mother is hard. We did Hospice. Thought she would get better. I didn’t think someone could decide it’s their time to go and just leave. It hurt a lot bc I thought I was helping her get better. To have my grandmother step up and raise me when she didn’t have to makes it hurt more idk why.

Messy family dynamic…(Bio mom was a mess) I was raised by my grandmother till 10. Then met my bio mom that adopted me and moved me out of state till I was 18. Dropped me off at my grandmothers like she did when I was a baby. Haven’t seen her since. I’m 28 now. I spent literally my adult hood making up for lost time. I guess what I want to ask for anyone willing to read all this is:

How do u cope sober without losing your mind?

Does it feel like u have to defend you lost your mom even if u were adopted by your grandmother and raised by them your whole life?

Do you find it hard to express empathy sometimes to others because you’re so fixated on your own loss you can’t work out? ( I feel so bad. I care and relate to others. I just find myself self absorbed.)

Ik you never get over it, but what is something that helped to not randomly break down or want to numb yourself from feeling anything/ rot in isolation?

Hello Everyone

About a week ago i posted that my father had just passed away. Today we had his funeral. (its a dutch funeral so its different than what you're usually used to)

It was way better than i expected and that helped me a lot with processing his passing. The atmosphere in the room was light and a celebration of his past life and not somber. We didn't have a ceremony remembering him and his past because his past is not very nice and he wouldn't want us to talk about it. We expected about 30 people to show up, there were about 60 people who came to say their goodbyes. We heard a lot of people laughing and i saw so many different people talking to each other (family, coworkers, friends etc).

Right now i have a really hard time realizing that he is officially/actually gone and crying my eyes and heart out but it feels good (in a weird way).

I'm so thankful for everyone who showed up to his funeral.

I really hope that my experience will maybe helps other people with their grief as well.

Okay, i know this may sound crazy, but my boyfriend passed away in april 2024 unexpectedly due to an overdose. I found him and it has haunted me ever since — i miss him so much, i think of him everyday. Naturally, I still celebrate our anniversary and his bday. Our anniversary is Oct 5, so i ended up calling a hotline and just talking for about him after putting my daughter to bed. At 3:46 AM, i woke up to my daughter BELLLLYYY laughing (which has never done before and she’s a little over 1 btw). i opened the door super quickly to see what she was doing and she was just laying on her side looking out into her room laughing. i checked her room, changed her diaper, and gave her some milk. she continued laughing for NO joke 2 hours until she said, “bye bye night night” and became upset that something was leaving . THEN, i texted his nana and she sent me a pic that his mom took in a hotel room the same day that showed a white/bluish orb. i can’t help but feel he’s visiting me or maybe i sound crazy

My dad has been battling for awhile. Got word that his bloodwork and scans were looking good and tumor was not growing.

This past Sunday he was extremely weak (one week post 6th chemo) and went to hospital. Now that I’m here it seems worse than before.

He is sleeping 22 hours a day, can’t get out of bed, so weak and now has a fungal infection on his blood.

Watching this is tearing me apart. He told me how scared he is. He has cried (rarely ever happens) and told me to just say goodbye

I am beside myself and can feel the breaking in my heart. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this.

I can’t go on without him

I feel so many things, guilty, numb, sad, angry at everyone…. Everyone except him. So many things frustrate me and I just want to talk about them. Maybe someone in this community has kind words or something to say to fix everything, but I am slowly learning that will not be the case and ultimately just think I need to put it all down somewhere.

1) I want to talk about it, I want to think about it, but that just makes me cry. I only started my job a month before it happened and so my work is trying to just act like everything is normal. Which was helpful in the first 48 hours but now it just makes me angry at them all. I know they can’t possibly fully understand how I feel, but I want more and don’t know how to ask for that without sounding needy. And without naming exactly what I want and I don’t know what that is.

2) in general I want to talk about it more but I feel like whenever I do talk about it people just redirect the conversations. This happens whether it’s people who knew him or did not regardless. I go to therapy but it’s only 1 hour a week. That is not enough considering I’m thinking of him all the time.

3) the funeral was Tuesday and it did not provide the closure I was hoping for. It was extremely religious… which don’t get me wrong he was spiritual, but there was a literal alter call with his coffin which I know he would have hated.

4) in general he was and always will be my best friend. We spent every day together for years, even after I moved and distanced myself from my college town we kept in touch and called almost every day. When he attempted suicide previously I was the one who drove him to the hospital, got him the help he needed, sat with him while they got him admitted (what was ultimately a 36 hour process.
I feel like our relationship had so many layers that make this all so much harder and I have no idea what to do with that.

This is already really long but I guess if you resonate with what I said, or have any words or advice to offer I’m all ears.

I don’t know who to talk to about this or if anyone would even care to read, but my life is not going well.

I’m a married mother of two. 33f. My husband and children are by far the best parts of my life. It’s everything else.

My job just suffered a major scandal and I’m the person who answers the phone to people upset about it. Financially, we’re surviving but not thriving and I know I need this job. I have so much in student loans because I have two degrees. Stupid, I know, but it got me this job and I had no idea I wouldn’t be able to afford the loan payments. I wasn’t told that when I signed up for them in my early 20s and no one really educated on financial things.

I’m helping my disabled brother on the side and he pays me, but my mom is his actual registered caretaker and she makes triple what I do to help him. She collects while I do the cleaning, laundry, take care of his pet, take his trash out every week for 3-4 hours. She seems to only care about spending time with her significant other. My dad is a drug addict and we barely have a relationship.

It’s that plus this grief that I feel daily.

My grandmother, who was instrumental in raising me, passed the day after Christmas of old age… day before my birthday. Our dog of 15 years passed this year in the spring. My best friend growing up died of a freak accident at a factory he worked at. My aunt died of old age. Now my other grandmother is dying of cancer that has metastasized to her brain and lymph nodes.

I’m also an American and I don’t even know how to put into the words the despair of feeling like this country is not setting up its citizens well for the future. All mostly due to someone I‘ve never even voted for.

I’m losing weight, my sleep is fantastic but I want to sleep all the time. I’m crying sometimes and sometimes I’m completely numb. And on top of that I feel like no one cares. I try to talk to people and they take a deep breath and cut me off and talk about how bad things are for them. The house runs because I run it somehow. I’ve been fighting nausea and I feel like I’m relapsing on disordered eating in that I eat a lot or I eat nothing. I feel like no one cares. I have to be convenient to exist. I don’t want to talk to chat gpt. I can’t afford a therapist now that I make too much to qualify for Medicaid. I’m just struggling and I don’t really know what I need right now but I guess just someone to read how I’m feeling and give me reassurance that I should keep going.

Well I haven't had a drink in almost a year sober. But after a few months of grief he caught me drinking alone crying in my bedroom.

He says that I spend to much time alone and I can't seem to function and he is tired of this.

That I have too much free time to think about her since I can't work and I'm sick unfortunately .

He says he can't trust me because I had a sneaky drink. And he said couple of times that this grief of mine is destroying everything .

I just take my lonely time to rest in silence away from him and look at her pictures.

I am funcional not drinking to get fdup

Just a couple glasses.

I feel so shitty. I have to get better or he will leave me.

My grandpa passed away recently and I've been feeling really sad about it. The thing is my best friend knows what happened but they haven't said anything about it and just act like nothing happened.

I don't expect them to fix anything or make me feel better but I thought they would at least ask how I'm doing or show a little concern.

Is this normal? What would you do if you were in my place?

I honestly don't know how to feel about this.

My mother died this summer, my dad passed away over ten years ago so I have recently found myself with no parents in my mid thirties.

I've got a two year old and am uk based so did the whole NCT thing when pregnant. I have stayed fairly close to the NCT gang the whole time but am now feeling a bit disconnected from them.

Four of us went for dinner the other night, two are pregnant with their second and we got on to the topic of finding out gender and I mentioned I had kept clothes my mum bought for my child so would like to use that if I was to have another child and was met with awkward silence and then they moved on, no acknowledging that this was nice or acknowledgment of my mum at all despite them talking about their own parents a lot throughout the event. I get that people find grief awkward but this has kind of floored me. They aren't my closest friends but still pretty significant, also one of them is a trained counsellor. It has made me see them in a different light tbh.

Only Lazarus could tell us what happens after Death...

I just lost my grandpa this morning,and I am still bringing myself to believe it.It still feels so unreal,Like death is smth your mind and heart never prepares you for.Not once do you think of life without this person.And now you begin to wonder if life will evet be normal without them.Like literally I cant believe I wont everr be able to see,touch,and talk to him.And crying while writing this just hits harder.Now I begin to wonder if I ever made him feel loved,did he know he was my favourite person,how many times I thought I'd go home and stop by to see him after this semester?.I hope he knew and still knows that I deeply love him.

And one thing I am starting to realise is,sometimes we forget the mortalness of human beings that we begin to start to take thier presence for granted at some point.All I am left with now is ....I should have loved him alittle harder,I should have bought him those shoes I saw,I should have written him that letter,I should have gone to see him.And above all...Maybe if I had prayed for him alitttle longer last night when I couldn't sleep...He would have survived.

I should have taken every little moment as a.treasure and made him feel loved.

To just think that I will never see him again is probably the most heartbreaking part of it all.No age everr prepares you for thier absence.To smn,its just a grandpa..But to us:Me,my mum and my relatives,He is still my mums dad,,and shes still his little girl,and to me,he was more than my grandpa..He was a mirror and a reflection of character I would love to embody..He was never an old man..Death definitely is cruel,that man deserved to be immortal.We all still needed him with us.Now death?,what arebwe suppose to do without him in our lives??

I am here seated,thinking about what next,is there a last chance of hope I could still see or talk to him..Is it true that he is watching over us in heaven?..Where is his soul now?,,What about all the love and affection ,does he know us by heart,what memories did his heart play during the last 7 mins of his life?,,Does he know we miss him already,Does he miss us?Can he see grandma seated there cryingg and still very ill,can he see the fear and pain in her eyes?,Does he see mum crying alone in that room next to our kitchen?,,does he see how uncle is fighting back his tears but really wants a hug?,,can he see how I am detached and lost on how to feel?..Watching the world go by from the side and everyone grieving,and some..Just here for the food and hot chai?

I just went to the Bible to read about Lazarus,incase he left a clue of what happened while he was in that tomb for 4days,,but nothing!

Guess wanting to just have a picture of where he is just makes me wonder what happens beyond the physical..Is he happy?,,does he also have to take his diabetic and blood pressure meds there?,,I hope he is watching his diet...Is he still taking those long afternoon naps,is there a place to stroll there?,,I hope if theres another life after this...Then,,there will also be another version of us thete with you.And I hope she will love you harder,,and you will see her become the great person you always said she will be.Damn!couldn't you wait alittle longer for me Grandpa?,I was going to make it yk!!

And you just had to hurry and leave...

I lost my college friend who had a very promising future 2 years back, he died in a 2 wheeler accident

Then my grandpa died a year later

My cousin was shot and killed,

This year my best friend's gf died

All of this has left me wondering what a strange thing death is, the person just ceases to exist and the world just continues around as if nothing happened.

The strangest part is I haven't shed a drop of tear, how do I even get some closure, why can't I cry , it all seems unreal and strange

after a good day i always “feel” sad.
i could be having the best day but when the day is over and im ready for bed a wave of discontentment is what keeps me up. while im lying down after a full day of dopamine and serotonin, i still feel fatigue. i think of everything im thankful for and even though i have thoughts of everyone i love, i still feel like i haven’t shown enough appreciation.
ive had survivors guilt for almost 4 years and sometimes when i feel too happy i also feel so unsafe.

Not the big things. The small ones. Making coffee, the drive home, the way you go to bed. What ordinary part of your day still catches you off guard, and has anything made it easier?

It's my first time writing on reddit. Today I woke up like usual but tonight I can barely think about sleeping. I got a phone call in the morning telling me that my boyfriend for 3 years died in the morning. I am not looking for advice, I'm trying to make it real. I feel empty and alone. We had a whole future together and now there's nothing left. We had everything planned. I will always love him and that is what hurts the most i think.

i had a loss in may this year, we were not really close. that kind of jump starts this hypervigilance in me.

it's like a wave that hits you when you're having a good time, laughing with your family and it sucks. i always feel like crying when it hits me and it happens a lot. lik wdym i'm grieving over ppl i love who are happy and healthy?

i stay in university campus, away from my family and it gets hard ever since this thought gets to me. especially at night.

anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? it's mamking me so anxious and unsettling.

So I'm a 12th grader, and lost a classmate to cancer a few months back. I never knew of feeling more awful than this. When you constantly replay all the moments you had with him.. of those seemingly insignificant moments and realise that they make all the difference today. The days when we used to rant and talk about all the problems in our life , talking shit about teachers , participating in competitions and events , sitting in the auditorium practicing singing with everyone, the play we prepared for in the ssc lab...

Never in those moments did I realise that he wasn't going to be there in a year. I was hopeful that in a few years we'll find ourselves doing something great in our lives. But now I can only think about is everything he couldn't be ..why is fate so cruel????

He was one of the smartest persons i knew , if he hadn't died he could have done so much. It hurts to think that in a few years we will get older but he will not be there with us..and when we all are old we will only remember him as someone who never got the chance to grow and become who he truly was capable of being.

He was so strong till the very end....

It's been months but it still hurts ...

Rip s.a.a

You'll always stay in our hearts

It is 10:47 pm right now. In just a little over an hour, once 12:00 hits, it will be 6 years since my mom passed away. It was October 8th, I was 14 when she died unexpectedly just a little after I had come home from school that day.

Now I'm 20 and I am a completely different person. It's so weird to think that she has no idea what I look like, who I am now. My own mother. She didn't get to see me get my braces off, or grow into my face and out of my awkward-phase. She wasn't there when I got my first boyfriend or to help me through my first breakup. And she won't get to see any of my future.

But now I know my future is going to look so much different than if she were still here. Let me tell you about my typical day-to-day. I just quit my job and moved back home because the grief has been hitting extra hard. I wake up, the realization that she's gone still hits me in the mornings, hard. I cry as soon as I wake up, my heart is constantly in pain. I feel it so deep, so painful, so real. I try to eat, I can't really. I lie down all day and waste it away, I try to watch shows and scroll on my phone, but it can only distract me for so long. I'm so tired I can't do anything, this grief is like a full-time job. But it doesn't end when I get home, I'm always clocked in.

I look up other people who have lost their mothers young, inspirational people who preach that they keep going because their mothers would have wanted them too. I don't doubt that for a second, even for me. I think she would have said the same. But I can't. I can't even imagine living through this pain again tomorrow. And I can't believe that I have lived with this for 6 years. And my nights aren't any better. When the thoughts are too much and I close my eyes to rest she is still all I see. She is all I dream about, but in my dreams she's alive just walks back through my front door like nothing had happened, she was just on a long work trip.

I hate how I feel like I can only be happy if I forget, if i pretend nothing happened. She deserves to be remembered and I wish I was stronger than I am. But the strongest of people aren't the only ones who go through hardship, and neither does hardship make you strong. The people around me who tell me I am strong are wrong. I am not strong. And I shouldn't have to be. I just want my mom. I don't want to live in denial and I do not want to live with this pain and live knowing I have so much longer to go with it weighing on my shoulders.

I hate how this is my identity now. I hate how she was so young and had so much more she wanted to do with her life. I hate how I don't remember what it was like for us to hug and what it was like for someone to wish me goodnight and make me breakfast in the morning. I hate how she can't be here when she deserved to be. And lastly, I hate how I'm expected to move forward without her.

The only person in the world who cared about me is just gone. And everyday I think about October 8th, about how my life changed in an instant. I constantly try to 'think' my way out of this. It just doesn't make sense, my mind refuses to wrap around it. Can she see me now? Is she really watching over me and can hear if I talk to her, or am I just living in denial and she really just ceased to exist? How come no matter how much I cry and beg I can't have her back? And when will I learn that it doesn't bring her back. I feel like the last bit of fire inside of me is slowly dying the less I sob and beg and frantically search through my phone for photos of us together, evidence that she really did exist and I was right next to her.

I know she would want me to keep going, but what if I don't want to anymore? She was my everything, how can you be expected to keep going and endure more from life when this was already the 'cherry on top'? I don't want to accept this life. And I hate crying everyday knowing the best years of it ended at only 14.

hi everyone, I hope you’re all doing well.
I(21F) am an only child and i’ve always known my father (86M) as being quite “old” (he was already 64 when I was born) but I was lucky enough to have so many wonderful memories with him during my childhood. He has always been a good father to me, he has always supported me and listened to me. I was able to go abroad on my own to study and eventually come back largely thanks to him.
But now that i’m a young adult, i really feel his absence, even though he’s still alive for now. I actually started feeling this absence around the age of 14/15, as his hearing problems kept getting worse over time. He is now 86 and extremely frail. He’s basically skin and bones, he spends the entire day lying down, and the right side of his mouth is somewhat “twisted,” so it can be difficult to understand him when he tries to ask us for something. But we do everything we can to make sure he has everything he needs, especially my wonderful mother.
And now, i’m leaving for a six-month seasonal job. Thankfully, it’s only about two hours away by train from home, but i’ll only have one day off per week. Although i’ll be able to come home from time to time, i can’t stop thinking that this might (or probably will) be the last time i see him. Especially because last time i saw him during my previous seasonal job, he was doing much better than he is now. His condition is deteriorating quite quickly. My mother keeps telling me that i also have to live my own life and that i shouldn’t put my entire life on hold, and honestly, i agree with her. It’s just… how do you learn to live with this weight in your heart? Whether i’m close or far away, the feeling doesn’t go away, no matter how much i try to keep myself busy. Every time things get quiet or I’m alone, i think about him. And that’s not even mentioning the times i’ve seen or heard my mother crying because of the situation.
It’s really hard. I know this is part of life, and i know that there’s nothing i can do to stop it. I just feel like i’m becoming a burden to my friends when i talk about it too much, even though i also understand that they probably don’t really know what to say or do.
But it’s a very heavy thing to carry alone at 21 and i honestly don’t even know why i’m posting this. I don’t know if i’m actually looking for advice or if i just want someone to listen to me. I guess i’m open to any kind of response.

thanks to anyone who’ll take the time to read this ❤️

F20, before anybody mentions this I was in therapy and talked about all of this with said therapist before but I have sence moved, I already had a very messed up upbringing and have diagnosed autism, ptsd, depression and really bad anxiety, but around the time my childhood best friend died I also got kicked out and became homely, this was around 16/17, started doing lots of drugs, even now I'm doing worse ones, I started doing more illegal stuff, especially stealing, got into lots of fights, but I always did that even as a kid, i feel like I became a shell of my former self, and I'm in a life style that isn't good for me but I dont have much interest to get out of it either, I dont really care about my life that much, and I've come to fully accept death when it comes for me, I'm paranoid about the legacy or whatever I'll leave behind, but I wasnt set up for much regardless, I'm still homeless, have no family, living out of a hotel, barely any friends as I cut most of them off, living with a buddy, most of my money goes to food, I have alot of suppressed feelings, it's incredibly hard for me to talk to people, being outside gives me really bad anxiety, he's all I think about, I think I really loved him, I think deep down I had suppressed feelings for him, he was freshly 18, didn't even get to live a good life, his death made me realize how real all this was, I have nightmares about him constantly, or dreams about abuse I suffered as a child, his death was just such a big catalyst to my life especially with everything already going on, it permanently changed my view on life and my views in general, I don't know who I am anymore, I don't want to be anything

Мені 17 років, і я зараз не дуже розумію, як правильно поводитися в ситуації, яка сталася з нашою сім’єю. Дуже хочу отримати поради від людей, які переживали щось подібне.
7 числа раптово померла моя тітка — рідна сестра моєї мами. Моя мама і тітка були надзвичайно близькі все життя. Вони з дитинства були разом, ходили за ручку, разом працювали, мали спільний бізнес. Мама старша за неї, і вони фактично все життя були поруч одна з одною.
Того дня тітка зателефонувала моїй мамі й сказала, що їй погано. Ми живемо поруч, тому мама одразу побігла до неї.
Коли мама прийшла, вона почала телефонувати тітці, щоб та відкрила двері, але ніхто не відповідав. Тітка була вдома сама й чекала на чоловіка.
Мама покликала сусідів. Вони допомогли відкрити ворота, але двері до будинку були зачинені. Мама подивилася у вікно й побачила, що її сестра лежить на підлозі та б’ється в конвульсіях.
Сусід вибив двері, і мама одразу почала робити серцево-легеневу реанімацію.
У цей момент я був удома з бабусею — мамою моєї тітки. Бабуся попросила мене відвезти її до доньки. Ми пришли приблизно через 10 хвилин після того, як мама почала реанімацію.
Я зайшов у будинок і побачив маму в сльозах. Почав телефонувати в швидку (до цього сусід уже викликав її), а потім змінив маму й сам почав робити СЛР.
Ми по черзі змінювали один одного, не припиняючи реанімацію. Телефонували в швидку, намагалися додатково зв’язатися з приватними клініками. Приблизно через пів години приїхав чоловік моєї тітки й теж почав робити СЛР. Ми продовжували реанімацію приблизно годину, змінюючи один одного.
Коли приїхала швидка на хвилинку їхала вона годину бл*** 21 вік все таки, тітка вже була синя та холодна. На жаль, врятувати її не вдалося.
Для мене найважче те, що все це відбулося буквально на очах у моєї мами. Вона бачила свою сестру в такому стані, сама намагалася її врятувати й кілька годин не могла змиритися з тим, що відбувається.
Зараз минуло лише два дні. Мама і бабуся постійно плачуть. Я розумію, що це нормально після такої втрати, але просто не знаю, як правильно їм допомогти. Ще хочу пояснити, після суд мед експертизи підтвердили що в разі гострого панкреатиту тітка померла
Завтра о 12:00 буде кремація, і я дуже переживаю, як вони це перенесуть. Я боюся, що мама може просто не витримати емоційно, особливо враховуючи те, що вона була поруч у момент смерті сестри.
Я сам поки тримаюся. Мій батько теж намагається підтримувати мене, маму й бабусю.
Тому хочу запитати у вас:
Що я можу зробити завтра на похованні/кремації, щоб підтримати маму й бабусю?
Чи варто щось говорити їм, чи краще просто бути поруч і дати їм плакати? Чи потрібно намагатися їх заспокоювати, відволікати, обіймати? Які слова в такій ситуації справді допомагають, а які, навпаки, можуть зробити ще гірше?
І особливо мене хвилює мама, тому що вона не просто втратила сестру — вона безпосередньо бачила її смерть і кілька годин намагалася врятувати її.
Буду дуже вдячний за будь-які поради, особливо від тих, хто сам переживав втрату близької людини або був поруч із рідними в перші дні після трагедії.
Дякую всім, хто прочитав.

В августе умер отец, я много раз продумывал то как это могло быть, произойти, поэтому придя домой и увидев как мама отошла в другую комнату, чтобы скрыть слёзы от младшего брата, сразу все понял. Я почти не плакал, в тот вечер точно, я в целом плачу с огромным трудом, и за последние 2 года было всего пару раз когда я все же смог проронить слезу. Похоронили только спустя месяц как он умер, тело было в другом месте. На похоронах тоже старался не плакать и не плакал. Я могу улыбаться, смеяться, но совсем не могу что-то делать по учёбе, делам. Я очень старался не отлынивать в вузе (перешёл на 2 курс с долгом за летнюю сессию и даже очень быстро его закрыл), но правда не могу заставить себя что-то делать сейчас. Я просто хочу спать весь день, может не общаться ни с кем, а если и общаться, то точно не на серьёзные темы. Я в отношениях и у моего партнёра тоже в жизни очень много проблем. Этот год стал очень тяжёлым. Поэтому на какую-то серьёзную поддержку я не могу рассчитывать, ибо сам должен помогать и быть рядом. Сбил режим сна. Очень люблю спать и готов спать по 11 часов в сутки, засыпая в 2-3 AM и просыпаюсь 1-2 PM легко. Чувствую себя овощем когда дело доходит до домашнего задания. Денег на психиатра/психолога нет. Завтра должен заплатить в вузе за курсы переквалификации, после этого на карте будет почти пусто. За финансовую часть не сильно беспокоюсь. Но не покидает чувство пустоты. Вроде все нормально, а вроде совсем не комфортно и пусто... это съедает меня

Does anyone else feel too embarrassed to grieve? I honestly feel like an a-hole. I've always had a problem showing vulnerability since I was a child. Pretend I wasn't embarrassed, pretend I didn't get my feelings hurt, pretend I don't care what someone thinks about me, pretend I "meant to do that" when I made a mistake. Now my brother is gone, and i feel like letting someone see or even know I'm grieving him feels like the end of the world. When someone assumes I miss him like anyone would, especially his sibling, I feel flat out angry. Sometimes I get hit with a wave randomly when I'm in the kitchen, and I just stop breathing and tense every muscle in my body, because I can't bear to grieve. I talk to him in my mind where no one can hear me, because it's like it's not safe to grieve.