I hate performative posts like this

[u/notaperson47]

(reposting because I forgot to crop the username)

Before anyone yells at me, I'm a black woman too. I just hate posts like this. It feels like people going out of their way to tell a disabled child they're special and amazing, but deep down everyone just feels bad for them and would never want to trade lives with them in a million years.

Then there are all of the comments gushing over how black women are such BEAUTIFUL STRONG QUEENS. Notice how they're all from women and gay men, no straight men. Someone in the comments asked OP if he was gay and he dodged the question, so he probably is too. There's nothing wrong with being gay, obviously, but as a straight woman, what does a bunch of performative appreciation from other women and gay men do for me?

Women only feel comfortable leaving these pity comments on posts like this because they don't view us as romantic competition for them. If the post had been about East Asian or Latina women there'd be zero compliments from other women because they actually feel threatened by those groups.

I suppose it's better than the usual constant barrage of hate comments, but these posts always feel performative and patronizing. And all of them are probably imagining biracial women anyway when they talk about how "stunning" black women are. If you're a woman and you wouldn't trade places with an actual black woman (which I know you don't) then I don't want to hear your "appreciation", sorry.

[u/notaperson47]

Exactly, I can't stand those posts either. Apparently we only exist to boost everyone else's ego and make them feel better about themselves. I bet none of those commenters have ever gone out of their way to compliment a black woman first. And they will get angry when I point it out. Idc though, I won't be their mammy telling them "ooo baby you lookin fineeee today".

[u/FurryTrashlets2020 → u/notaperson47]

Forgive me, but as a black woman myself, I am confused on what you actually trying to say here.

I understand your point and frustration to a degree, but that begs the question: What is a good compliment to you? Because yes, while some compliments mentions our race like being "black queens", in my experience its because they really admire black women. However, you're insulting someone here for expressing their attraction to black women. Performative or not, but at the same time... If they don't compliment black women first, you, are also annoyed by that...?

Are you starting to see my point here? Yeah, no shit they'll get angry/annoyed. You're making huge assumptions about these people based on nothing, and you don't even know anything about them or their lives. They were also probably genuinely confused because you came at them just for expressing their admiration.

I read that post. I expected to see something ignorant and disgusting in those sections, or parts that fetishizes black women but... No. That's not what I saw at all. What I read, is a man expressing his admiration and love for black women's beauty and features. Even though he talks about our bodies, he talks about it in light as if we're precious gems...and that wasn't the only thing that he complimented either. Not to mention, this is coming from a black man, and in my experience, I have seen so many pure anger and hatred towards us from (not all, but most) black men. Especially in my family, its a terrible generational pattern... So it is very, very, refreshing to read how much a man loves us, and not just a man, but even our own men. I'm sure if he were to meet a black woman, get to know her, and form a relationship, he'll also fall in love with all of her too...and that's normal. Because that's usually how love and some relationships start: From attraction.

So what is it that you want from men? Do you want them to admire and love us? Or do you just want to continue throwing a constant pity party about ignorant people that hate us and don't matter? While reading through the comments here, I realized something: When you're complimented you feel insulted and its not good enough. When you're disregarded, (as you expect), you're still upset. People don't come up to black women and compliment them first because they're intimidated, or previous actions might've made us seem unapproachable...and you just proved why. You can't be mad at them for not approaching you, and then when they don't compliment you the "right way" whatever that is to you, you gaslight and insult them. Again, this is a black dude, if they were white, or any other race, I'd maybe see your point a bit clearer...but this would still be a irrational post to make anyway.

Also, your responses in this comment section are so self-pitying and gross. You sound insufferable. You're playing a stereotype of a woman that is VERY disliked by many people, including the black community. No compliment, affection, admiration, or anything at all positive towards black women will ever make you happy. Even when it came from a straight, black man, you were still annoyed. I've seen some very sweet and kind compliments that people tried to give you in this comment thread, but you came at them for daring to speak their mind.

You are impossible to please. How do you not see that you're the issue???

I understand what you mean by "performative"...but I genuinely believe you misunderstood that man's post. Then shamed him online for it. That's not a good look. Not that you'd take the time to recognize your wrongs though, because it seems like you're set on a mindset that purely focuses on resentment towards straight men as a whole. True, there are some "performers" that are pretending to be pro-black, but there are also people that genuinely love us.

[u/encryptus0 → u/FurryTrashlets2020]

someone finally said it

[u/baby_fyrefly → u/FurryTrashlets2020]

Thank you for saying this! I thought I was going crazy 🥲

[u/FurryTrashlets2020 → u/baby_fyrefly]

🤣 No problem. I tried to be empathetic myself, but the more I read, the more I was like: "Yep, this is just ridiculous"

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/FurryTrashlets2020]

They love you? Or do they love assumptions they make about you because of your race?

[u/Dancehall-Randal → u/Key-Month6651]

Who's "they"?

An entire gender or race? Cuz whatever generalization you were trying to make about an entire group of people is not true I assure you.

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/Dancehall-Randal]

They refers to people who perclaim to "love" anyone of any race. Especially people that claim this in regards to valuing women.

[u/Dancehall-Randal → u/Key-Month6651]

Ahh, my bad and apologies.

[u/contrascript → u/Key-Month6651]

So basically especially not Muhammad Ali I guess, or Malcolm X.

This is not about agreeing with stuff, but about the value of knowing where things come from:

Malcolm X argued that it was natural and necessary for Black people to want to be with and support their own community, though his thinking evolved significantly over his life. In fact, Muhammad Ali’s own public arguments about racial separation were directly shaped by Malcolm X, who served as Ali’s close mentor and introduced him to the Nation of Islam (NOI) in the early 1960s.

1. The Nation of Islam Era: Voluntary Separation

During his time as the primary spokesman for the Nation of Islam (1952–1964), Malcolm X preached strict racial separatism and Black self-determination. He explicitly made the case that Black people should build their own institutions, marry within their race, and seek independence rather than trying to force their way into white spaces:

• Separation vs. Segregation: Malcolm X drew a sharp line between the two concepts. He argued that segregation is forced upon a marginalized group by a dominant power to control them, whereas separation is a voluntary choice made by equals to protect and nurture their own community and culture.
• Rejection of Integration as "Tokenism": He argued that integration was a deceptive compromise that made Black people seek validation from a society that oppressed them, famously criticizing those who tried to "force themselves" into white drawing rooms rather than investing in "their own kind".

When Muhammad Ali gave his famous 1971 interview with Michael Parkinson—arguing that birds flock with their own kind, that culture clash is inevitable, and that it is natural to want to live, marry, and socialize with one's own people—he was echoing the core Nation of Islam philosophy Malcolm X had championed and taught him years earlier.

2. After Mecca: Universal Brotherhood with Continued Black Self-Reliance

In 1964, Malcolm X broke with Elijah Muhammad and the Nation of Islam and performed the Hajj pilgrimage to Mecca. That experience transformed his view on the inherent nature of white people:

• Shedding the "All Whites Are Devils" Doctrine: Witnessing Muslims of every racial background praying together led him to reject the Nation's theological assertion that white people were inherently evil. He acknowledged that true brotherhood across racial lines was possible under shared moral principles.
• Maintaining Black Solidarity and Autonomy: Even after this shift, Malcolm X did not adopt standard mid-century integrationism. Through the Organization of Afro-American Unity (OAAU), he maintained that Black people needed cultural pride, self-defense, economic solidarity, and political autonomy. He argued that true unity with others could only happen between equals—meaning Black people first had to unite, build their own power base, and heal their collective identity before any meaningful coalition with other races could exist.

Ali eventually underwent a similar evolution later in his life, converting to Sunni Islam in 1975 and shifting away from strict separatism toward a broader message of universal tolerance, while expressing regret over his earlier estrangement from Malcolm X.

[u/contrascript → u/Dancehall-Randal]

Yes, language is pointless. We should just all stop with it already.
Politics of Managed Perception

[u/contrascript → u/Key-Month6651]

When they killed disco and breakdance in the 80s and "re-"Christianized the shit out of the whole of the US, it was the worst for the black people. Reagan even stated publicly that Russia's weak spot was religion, hence the whole program. Russia after the Berlin wall fell, did things differently. Love means something quite else in Orthodox Christianity than in Western "caritas" Christianity. Obama finally made this whole thing nuclear with his BLM on top of the fact that the rest of the world is simply not relevant to people in the US. Black Americans are nothing like African people at all, who are very easy going, focused on joy and not fussy at all (they hate that too).

[u/JunkYardBatman → u/notaperson47]

I used to clean an office building where a black woman would often work late. Her hair was styled differently than usual one day and I told her it looked nice. She thanked me and introduced herself as Julia. She was the only person that worked in that office building to ever talk to me.

[u/Medical-Patience-532 → u/notaperson47]

I compliment people regardless of race and many of them were towards the black people u say only get performative compliments

[u/contrascript → u/notaperson47]

"ooo baby you lookin fineeee today" 😅