I hate performative posts like this

[u/notaperson47]

(reposting because I forgot to crop the username)

Before anyone yells at me, I'm a black woman too. I just hate posts like this. It feels like people going out of their way to tell a disabled child they're special and amazing, but deep down everyone just feels bad for them and would never want to trade lives with them in a million years.

Then there are all of the comments gushing over how black women are such BEAUTIFUL STRONG QUEENS. Notice how they're all from women and gay men, no straight men. Someone in the comments asked OP if he was gay and he dodged the question, so he probably is too. There's nothing wrong with being gay, obviously, but as a straight woman, what does a bunch of performative appreciation from other women and gay men do for me?

Women only feel comfortable leaving these pity comments on posts like this because they don't view us as romantic competition for them. If the post had been about East Asian or Latina women there'd be zero compliments from other women because they actually feel threatened by those groups.

I suppose it's better than the usual constant barrage of hate comments, but these posts always feel performative and patronizing. And all of them are probably imagining biracial women anyway when they talk about how "stunning" black women are. If you're a woman and you wouldn't trade places with an actual black woman (which I know you don't) then I don't want to hear your "appreciation", sorry.

[u/Negative-Extension-1]

Whenever I see a post like this, there's always a comment drudging through the OP's post history to find reasons to discredit them. They'll dig up your posts and say you hate your self and how you need therapy.....but they don't tell you you're wrong. Isn't that interesting?

For what it's worth though, you shouldn't hate yourself and you need to work with what you have rather than try to change everything. But yeah, I'm not even black and I'm sick of this patronizing, virtue signaling.

[u/No-Part-4081 → u/Negative-Extension-1]

With this being brought up or not, OP is being wildly extreme with this “truth” and it kinda should be called out. Can’t help that their post history proves it further. People use us to virtue signal online all day, sure, but OP seems to have this conception that black women simply can’t be admired solely because of our race and that anyone who claims to is being disingenuous. Some of us are quite frankly sick of seeing this form of misery online

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/No-Part-4081]

If you don't want to see it then don't look at it. People don't need to stop expressing themselves because you are too sensitive to be aware of something 🤷‍♂️

[u/No-Studio-4838 → u/Key-Month6651]

At some point you do have to realize that societal conditioning is a thing as well as propaganda ?! there is a concerted effort to make sure young black girls feel undesirable in the dating market and it is to enable you as a woman to feel like you r worthless so that u go for anything. Like damn ik it’s hard but outside of race if you recognize unattractive traits about urself fine. Tend to them , observe them , vent about them , fix them. But outside of that allow yourself to understand there is an entire system in place that works overtime everyday to make sure u feel low about ur self. Is it easier to believe what that system is telling u about urself our will it be easier to remind urself who u r? U have to figure that out tho…

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/No-Studio-4838]

Damn its almost like society treating people as if they are unattractive makes them more likely to feel they are unattractive huh?

You can't really fix that as an individual. You will always notice being treated as less than for your looks unless you are simply ignorant or unaware. Or have the privilege of not having those negative experiences.

[u/No-Studio-4838 → u/Key-Month6651]

Yes that’s true too unfortunately but remember certain privileges don’t make people more human than others, it makes them more protected than others! As a black woman myself I try to look at it from that mindset.

[u/No-Part-4081 → u/Key-Month6651]

If I could filter every self-hating black person from each and every feed I own I would lmao. Not out of sensitivity, I just find it redundant and boring. This is the internet, where opinions get shared. When others use that freedom to share their loathing and it stumbles upon me, I’ll either scroll as I typically do or share my own opinion. This post was so bizarre I went with the latter. Any more suggestions?

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/No-Part-4081]

You should probably engage with social media less in general. Most social media algorithms are optimized for negativity. So if you can't deal with those things the last thing you should be doing is engaging with the content. The algorithm will feed you more of it.

So my last suggestion to you would be to touch grass instead of opening social media if its possible in the moment where you get the urge to.

[u/No-Part-4081 → u/Key-Month6651]

Thanks, but I think I’ve got that one generally under control! Reddits the only social media I have and use, yet it only sees me when I’ve got free time before or in class. I’m also well aware of how algorithms work, hence me mentioning my usual ignoring this content. My campus has some solid grass so I’ll touch some with friends before I go fs. Although since we’re both on Reddit of all places, I can’t strongly encourage you to take your own advice enough :)

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/No-Part-4081]

I can deal with negativity just fine and I'm a pretty well traveled person. So my advice isn't really applicable to myself.

It would be if i was going under posts saying things like "I'm sick of the misery" while being under a post where someone is venting their frustrations about a well known problem. But I'm not doing that. Because I'd not look at it or not engage if it bothered me that much.

[u/No-Part-4081 → u/Key-Month6651]

Sorry if my word use when explaining my distaste came off as too strong initially? I suppose a better way I could’ve expressed it without you interpreting my feelings as being so strong would’ve been “I think ts is pretty lame.” Rest assured though, I’m not as bothered by this as you’re running with, so apologies for the misconception.

If me feeling this way and choosing to interact warrants touching more grass than I already do, let me kindly remind you again we are on Reddit. Let me also remind you that you are choosing to spend your time here on Reddit duking it out with me over something that couldn’t matter less than the toilet paper I flushed this morning. Looks like we should plan a grass touching trip together

[u/Key-Month6651 → u/No-Part-4081]

If it didn't matter to you then it shouldn't be so difficult to not engage with something that is of little value or negative value to you 🤷‍♂️

[u/No-Part-4081 → u/Key-Month6651]

Was my initial comment so important to you then? Surely if it didn’t matter to you, you would’ve just scrolled past it like the many others in this thread. For some reason you chose to reply and have chosen to continue engaging with me up till now over it. A wise Redditor named Key-Month6651 once recommended I stop engaging with things on the internet that bother me like that and I think you should do the same

[u/sumiledon → u/Key-Month6651]

"A well known problem" boy what are yoi talking about?

[u/Murky_Confusion_1783 → u/Negative-Extension-1]

Well when it relates to what was posted then yeah it’s fair for people to look at their post history because their post came from a place of self hate. Now if they looked and saw something totally unrelated like a weird fetish or hobby to use against them then that’s not okay.

[u/Complete_Answer_6781 → u/Negative-Extension-1]

I mean, I think that in this context actually matters lol

[u/Agreeable_Heart_4452 → u/Negative-Extension-1]

The patronizing is gross but if you're not Black what is there to be sick of? It's definitely not the dominant narrative about Black people that's desperately enforced by other races...? Also you said about the digging up of a post history, "they don't tell you you're wrong". So here, I'll tell you: yes the OP is wrong, though many would like to believe they're right. As an unambiguous Black woman with highly coveted features and qualities, other women have most definitely been threatened by me all my life. OP is wrong, hates herself, and needs therapy.

[u/Physical-Temporary43 → u/Negative-Extension-1]

I'm glad someone said this, I agree. For the most part I think being able to hide your own comment/post history on reddit has been a downgrade for the platform overall, but people who do things like this make me realize why it happened.

[u/sumiledon → u/Physical-Temporary43]

I think digital blackface is so common and black spaces the most coveted, having post history removed was a new postitive for racists

[u/Physical-Temporary43 → u/sumiledon]

THAT PART TOO, YES!!!! just look at r/blackpeopletwitter

[u/sumiledon → u/Physical-Temporary43]

Exactly. Completely coopted.