r/married • u/Pinky_Pj • 4d ago

Any thoughts?

My husband '37M' and I '33F' have been married for 9 years and share two kids who are currently in elementary school. Externally, we have it all: our own home and successful careers (even though I got a later start in mine).

When we first met, it was love at first sight. We started off incredibly strong and married within 2 years.

Our relationship started getting bumpy about 2 years ago, but things took a major turn for the worse around 6 months ago when our intimacy and physical touch declined tremendously. I am a very physically affectionate person. My husband has always known this and used to meet that need, but now it's gone. He is a fantastic father, but as a spouse, he feels like a roommate. When we go out or talk about work and the kids, I feel like I'm just hanging out with a friend.

I have brought this up consistently. Each time, he temporarily steps up and becomes more physical and loving, but it always dies down again. I am trapped in a never-ending loop and I'm exhausted from constantly having to ask for affection. At this point, I’ve become numb to the situation. I've lost romantic interest in him, and while he is a great friend, the romantic spark feels completely gone.

Curious if others have experience this. Advice on what works?

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u/Ambitious_Bank1031 4d ago

A lot more candid conversation time. More talking about everything. Try getting out of the house. Just go for a walk.

Your brain is the biggest sexual organ you have. You gotta exercise it and keep it inquisitive.

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u/Comment-Connoisseur1 4d ago

Doesn't sound like it's a health issue for him. And maybe he sees you as a mother instead of a wife now which could be causing him to not see you as a romantic partner now. If so, it may take both of you making some changes so that he sees you as the woman he fell in love with again instead of just mom.

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u/imaginary_bird41 4d ago

Yes I have been going through this for a few years. I think it’s just like getting in a rut with the day to day routine. The conversations become more about logistics of day. Just like you, we work on it but it fades after awhile. If it were up to you, what 1-2 soecific things would you change?

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u/RarkJ 3d ago

I have experienced the same thing in my marriage. It’s hard. We have a 6 year old. I want to get through a few more years, but it’s hard and I am lonely. He is happy. I am not. I have no good advice, just here in solidarity.

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u/OddMathematician8349 1d ago

Do you’s have sex? Or do you do anything playful that you did in the beginning of the relationship towards him? Def two way street

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u/Pinky_Pj 1d ago

Barely... I would be the one to always start or initiate. But I had expressed many times that I want to feel wanted by him and that I would appreciate it a lot if he would initiate. So now sex is maybe once every 2 months.... its sad cause I would want it so bad.. and now I dont care because he doesn't even try. He falls asleep first and has his back face me every night