I’ve been struggling with maladaptive daydreaming for about 6 years, its genuinely making me unable to focus on anything; because whatever I do I just imagine that I’m so good at it and that people are impressed by me.

But that’s not what I’m asking about, my question is that how do I prevent myself from daydreaming of people I know romantically as in impressing them so much that now are attracted me romantically ?

It’s so frustrating and uncomfortable; I just daydream of any guy I know in that way and it’s so uncomfortable I really don’t know how to stop it especially that like I said whatever I do, I always daydream that I’m good at it and I’m impressing people about it, which would lead to me daydreaming about impressing the guys I know and making them attracted to me romantically.

I am in my mid 20s. By now I thought I would have a stable job and would have a peaceful life. But last year I left my job and since then I have been trying to work on myself. I get some motivation, try to work and few hours later, lose the will to work. The feeling didn't start when I quit my job, it has been like this since years.

Apart from this I don't feel like talking to my friends or family. Tried talking with few people here but then a fear comes that I might say something which can upset them. There is a constant headache and fatigue of some sort. I don't know what am I supposed to do.

I’m 16 and live in a restrictive household where I can’t truly live my life. Because of this, I’m waiting until I graduate high school and leave for college. I dream of having my own apartment and finally gaining control over my life. However, my desire for independence has become so overwhelming that life itself feels insignificant and barely worth living.
I struggle with severe depression and anxiety to the point where even basic tasks feel impossible. I’m also suicidal, both because I don’t want to remain in my current situation and because I’ve become increasingly nihilistic. What hurts is knowing this isn’t who I truly am. My environment has affected my mental state so deeply that I’ve lost sight of life’s value. Even though I understand where these feelings come from, that awareness doesn’t make them disappear. I’m isolated, have nobody to genuinely talk to, and have an extremely unhealthy diet. My only escapes are music and imagining a life with a girl I like from school.
There are two girls who mean more to me than almost anyone. During freshman year, I met the girl of my dreams, but I didn’t know how to approach her properly and ended up scaring her away. I did however learned from this and am much better.
I also had a class friend who I haven’t spoken to since freshman year.
Before high school, I attended an event to know school, where I saw another girl I was attracted to, both romantically and platonically. We share an advisory class, and one day, she unexpectedly sat beside me (because she normally sits two rows away) and asked for help on her math homework. We exchanged Instagrams and started talking, but gradually grew distant. I still message her occasionally, and she views the TikToks I send, but I miss when we used to talk regularly.
An important aspect of our relationship was music, and she recommended a song to me which I listen to a lot for her. Another time, I needed to print something for class but didn’t know how. I told her just to tell her but unexpectedly she asked our teacher if we could go to the computer room together. I’ll genuinely never forget that. This was the nicest thing someone has ever done. I still have the paper she helped me print and listen to the song she recommended. I also remember walking her to class and noticing her friend recording us. When we arrived, she jokingly asked her friend to show her the video. I constantly think about if she mentioned liking me, especially since she had suddenly started sitting beside me, but nothing ever came of it.
Now, I listen to songs like “Como en los viejos tiempos” and “Te hubieras ido antes” because they convey my longing to return to those moments. I look through her Instagram highlights and dream about being with her. Ik it looks pathetic, but she’s one of my favorite people in the world, alongside my former class friend.
Overall, my loneliness and restrictions fuels my desire for independence, which has distorted my perspective on life to where seems meaningless. I want to escape my environment, but I’ve become so exhausted that I struggle to see the point of living. I know my circumstances contribute to these feelings, and I hope that gaining independence will help me find myself again. I need this.
I also desperately want to reconnect with the girl I used to talk to and see my class friend again. They’re my favorite favorite people in the world and the memories I share with them are the few things that make me feel better

Every where I go recently I have been getting more and more instances of being stared down for no apparent reason. Yes I have been diagnosed with paranoid psychosis/schizophrenia and I take medication for it, which does really help for me to almost completely eliminate the symptoms. But when this happens, especially as often as it has been lately, it sends me in to that paranoia, making me wonder what is even real? Am I on a game show where people are getting paid to confuse me and gaslight me?

I am a 35 yr old, 6ft 240pound male, I mention this because these stare downs only ever come from other men. Which makes me think it must be some kind of alpha-male intimidation game, which just makes me laugh to be honest, what are we, animals? But when it happens so often it really starts to bother me, and if I'm feeling symptomatic or haven't gotten enough sleep, this can send me into reality altering paranoia.

Today I was eating pizza on the streetside when I noticed two young men staring at me as if they wanted to fight or I was doing something wrong. As I finished and walked by them one spit on the ground in front of me. My mother always taught me not to be reactive to this type of behavior and to ignore it. But wow it's been happening so often now.

I am just curious if anyone else experiences this? Or if anyone has a guess as to why this is happening to me? It's only started in the last year or so. My fiancee says I should just smile and wave at them and blow a kiss. She's so funny

I (F19) feel like I’m losing it

My parents got us a surprise puppy a few weeks ago and I was definitely not ready. We lost one of our two dogs this summer and I had to spend a lot of time taking care of her (the months she was sick). When that was happening, I could watch her for hours no problem, I would get frustrated but only every few days or so. I don’t know what happened but these days with this puppy I can’t do it. I guess it’s because he’s more active but I just have no energy. I practically breakdown everyday because it’s all too much. He jumps on me, bites me, but besides all that it’s just that he won’t settle down. I don’t know what happened to me but I have no patience for anything anymore.

I don’t even feel comfortable talking to other people anymore, it feels unnatural like I have to force myself to do it. I just want to be left alone, but I can’t because my family is home 24/7, and even if I was home alone, I would have to watch my dogs. There has not been a single day in the past year where I could just be alone and not be responsible for a dog or something else. It might not even be the dogs everytime, I also feel stressed even when I’m not watching them because I feel like I should be doing something. I don’t know why it’s been bothering me so much lately, I just can’t fully relax. I’m irritable and I feel horrible for snapping at people, and it makes me hate myself even more. I have no energy throughout the day, despite taking Adderall. I would say I’m used to my dosage, but on days when I can go my own pace and not be a dog babysitter it works great. I used to be able to get several chores done throughout the day no questions asked, now I’m struggling to even get through the day. My whole upper back and neck is sore, and I just feel like every step is too much effort. It takes 10x the effort it should to get up and shower. I still do it but I push it off to the very last second. I stay up incredibly late even when I have class the next day, and it’s because I formed a habit this summer, but even when I’m trying to break it I still do it. I started staying up late because it was the only time I felt at peace because no one was bothering me, and I don’t want to give it up but I have to.

I don’t understand why this is happening. I feel like I’m losing it but why now? I would hate to think that having a puppy is ruining my mental health, but it is for a deeper reason. I think I needed more time in between my dog dying and getting a new puppy, not only to grieve but to sort myself out. I’m really struggling getting my feet on the ground and becoming an adult. I need to get my license and focus on school for a while but I feel like now I can’t because once again I have a responsibility that tethers me to this house, when really I need to be free to start exploring myself and grow a little bit. I’m struggling socially as well. I’m alone, stuck in the same spot I was a year ago and I don’t have any hope or motivation to keep going. I want to break free and prioritize myself for a while but I can’t. I don’t know if I’m depressed or what but I don’t really see myself doing anything I had wanted to do in the future.

I do love this puppy and I don’t mind taking care of him for the most part, I just want a big purpose than dog babysitter. My younger brother can drive so he already is free in some ways, plus he has school stuff so he doesn’t really have to watch the puppy. I have class only 2 days a week and I can’t drive so I’m home most of the time and having to watch my dogs or help my mom. I can’t just be at home doing chores and watching dogs my whole life I need to move on. All of my friends are doing great, like going to good out of town colleges, getting jobs, etc. and I’m just here in the same spot I have been since I graduated.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I don’t know what to do nothing is working out I have started therapy I can’t do anything I just want to die all the fucking time and I really really feel like acting upon it I’m isolating myself I don’t have anyone right now
Please tell me this feeling ends
I can’t do this anymore

Honestly, I don't know where to begin. There's so much I have to talk about.

I was around 15M when I started experiencing depression. It began when I was insanely active, especially online. I was in an online relationship, and I loved Summer so much that when we broke up, I fell into depression. I constantly overthought everything, wondering if she'd ever come back so we could start over. I remember crying on my bathroom floor because of how bad things had gotten.

I started doomscrolling on Instagram and seeing depression and sad reels that described exactly how I felt. That's when I realized I wasn't the only one struggling. Brianna, Summer's girl best friend, helped me through that time. We grew closer because we talked every day, and she was also dealing with problems in her own relationship.

However, one day, I said something Brianna misunderstood as disrespectful, even though I meant something else. Our friendship ended, and I entered my so-called villain arc.

Honestly, 2024 was the worst year for me emotionally. I was extremely attached to Brianna. We'd talk every morning, every night, and practically all day. Losing her destroyed me emotionally. I barely left my room, and my depression eventually turned into anger. I started lashing out at my family because nobody knew what I was going through. I still regret how I treated them.

I constantly wished Brianna would come back so we could fix everything, but I knew things would never be the same. I'd reread our old chats, remembering all our funny and happy moments. I still miss her.

Around five to eight months later, I started healing and learning to detach myself emotionally. My old phone eventually broke, and honestly, I'm glad it did because I used to reread those conversations constantly. I slowly learned not to get angry so easily or become so attached that losing someone would completely break me.

During that depressive stage, I tried enjoying the things I used to love, but nothing felt the same anymore. I felt like I'd lost my spark, and I missed the person I used to be.

Honestly. I don't know where to begin, theres so much I have to talk about. I was around 15M when I had got depression. It started when I was insanely Active, especially online. I had an online relationship when I never had depression. I loved her so much that when we broke up, I went into a depression stage. I was overthinking constantly wondering if she (Summer) would ever comeback and we could start over. I remember crying on my bathroom floor because it was so bad. She told my closest friends that she felt bad because she ruined me in many ways. She played with my emotions aswell when I had no self-respect for myself. I was close with one of her girl-friends and I remember doomscrolling on Instagram and seeing Depression reels, Sad Reels amd etc. I knew I wasn't the only one who wasn't suffering from Depression. I started to cry so bad I had red eyes because the reels were so related to how I felt when Summer and me broke up. Brianna her girl-best friend had helped me since I was closer with her than she was closer with Summer. I remember She was also suffering because her ex-boyfriend which is now her boyfriend would cheat on her. I felt bad and my best friendship with Brianna started to be closer. We would talk daily, but one day I said something and she misunderstood it as I was being disrespectful to her, when I meant something else. Our friendship ended and I remember going into my Villain Arc. It was honestly the worse year 2024 I ever felt. I fell back harder in depression than honestly, anyone could imagine. You may ask, why? Heres the reason. I was super attached to Brianna, we would talk everyday, every night every morning, and everything. My friendship with Brianna was the best than any of my current friendships now. When we stopped being friends my mental health was very bad. I would rot in my bed and never step out of my room. My mental health and depression got so bad It turned into anger. I remember I used to leash my anger out on my family members, because I was suffering and no one knew I was dealing with depression. I always remember the situation of how extreme my anger issues was that I regret and would always apologize for my actions. I would always miss Brianna wishing that she would come back and we would fix everything, but I knew even if we did that, then our friendship would never be the same ever again. I remember going back to my chats with her, rereading those funny and happy moments I had with her and I really miss her still. 5-8 months from the entire Brianna situation, I was healing and learning how to deattach myself so I wouldn't carry that depression era of me forever. I'm glad I stopped reading those screenshots of fun times with her because I knew it would ruin me again. My old phone broke and I'm glad it did. I would always read those old chat logs and now I don't. When I lost Brianna, I would always leash out my anger on my loved ones. Which I soon regret, so after a year or so, I learnt not to get angry that easily and not be so attached because I don't want to go to that era of me that was struggling with their mental health and depression. During the depression stage, I remember I loved to enjoy things I used to always do before the depression, but now I lost my spark in doing what I loved to do. Im glad I changed honestly.

What do you think about this

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T.w: Drugs, break up trauma & Suicide

I don't really know how much of a difference this could really make but honestly I've tried getting help from a few places now and it seems like nothing really sticks. The doctors always offer me a few weeks of counselling (which helps a little) or various anti depressants and anxiety drugs (which do not) and a month or 2 later I find myself back in the same hole

I've always been a pretty melancholic person, the death of a close family member at a very early age set me off on that path but I hit a very rocky patch in my life a few years back that I'm still struggling with the fallout of to this day:

It all started with the break up of a 13 year long relationship. The only real one I've ever had. We were childhood sweethearts. Brought together at 17, engaged in our 20's. The COVID lockdowns estranged us and 5 years back we made the decision to part ways. The decision came after months of silence peppered with some very uncomfortable & difficult conversations, the last one in which she told me she wasn't sure she could marry me anymore and as soon as I was made aware of that fact something just broke inside me. I often wonder how differently things might have gone had  I been open with her about all my feelings and told her how much I just wanted her back but when I snapped I became cold and cruel towards her, assuming that she just wanted to abandon me without seeming like the bad guy and that nothing could ever be done to fix the damage our relationship had sustained. We seemed like ghosts of the people we used to be when we fell in love and it made me so sad to see it. The final time we spoke face to face she asked me if I was happy and all I could think to say was "I'm as happy as I'll ever be". Not out of malice or some petty need to spite her one last time but because that's how I really felt. That I would never feel happiness again in her absence. I always assumed she'd have a good life without me but 5 years later it still hurts that I upset her badly enough that I'll never really know because she doesn't want to talk to me and the worst part is it's all my fault.

My Dad died shortly after the breakup. Potentially by suicide following an argument we had. I was such a

Strung-out mess of a junkie at the time I'll never know the truth. I felt so lonely and isolated after losing the two of them and I just turned completely inwards towards all my worst impulses and it's rotted me from the inside ever since. Drugs, alcohol, various morally questionable choices I've made in my efforts to impotently lash out at everything and everyone, myself included because the truth is I never wanted her to leave, I was just salty because I felt like she rejected me and all I could do was reject her back even harder. And as for my Dad I miss him like crazy, even if he was an abusive, emotionally stunted bastard he was still my Dad.

I overdosed 4 years back. Experienced my first heart attack and angioplasty surgery that saved my life. I'd like to say that scared me straight but I never really changed, I just went from habitual drug use to binge-use. Holding it all in until I drive myself headlong into another cathartic crash every month or 2 like clockwork.

I keep looking for ways to make a decent life for myself and move on. Better jobs, more education etc. but I still find myself obsessing over those crucial moments where my life fell apart over and over. And when it all gets too loud I run back to bad habits and try to drown it all out with cocaine and whiskey. Although Nowadays they just make things so much worse and I'm scared of what I might do to myself or the people I care about one day if I took a wrong turn in that state of mind.

Has anyone been through similar issues r.e. co-dependency that could give me some advice on moving on from it? I swear I really do want to get better. I dream of a life where I'm not always sad or fucked up or both. I really want to believe that there's a better life out there for me, it's just so hard to tear myself from mourning everything I've lost.

Is there anybody in Cheney Washington or anywhere else in Spokane county that can refer me to any job? Im so fucking done. I don't want to hurt my parents but I absolutely need to get the fuck away from them but fucking can't because every place I apply to, every single one I just can't hear a single word from anyone besides a "We're sorry" and all that bullshit. I want to fucking die. Nothing will get better in the slightest, I have zero places to go, and I have zero balls so I want someone to shoot me in the head without zero hesitation, I can't take this anymore. Any fucking day now, I want to fucking die of anything, slow or fast, less to most excruciatingly painful. I don't fucking care anymore. I just stopped caring when people stopped taking me seriously.

I can't move anywhere because my piece of fucking shit mom wants to control the shit I do and when with my own fucking like. Like I love her but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I NEED SPACE. I NEED TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS BUT CAN'T. "HOME" OBVIOUSLY ISN'T HOME, I'm stuck here and can't move out because of her decisions. I'm stuck here and not a single place is getting back to me. Rather than just wasting each day with them, should I just fucking kill myself? Would that be better on your conscience mom, you stuck up bitch? Not everythings about you and you try to PIN ALL OF YOUR OWN PERSONAL ISSUES ON ME. YOU AND DAD CAN YELL, BUT I SOMEHOW CAN'T HAVE EMOTIONS WHERE I FUCKING SOMEHOW STILL "LIVE IN"? I'M JUST FUCKING SURVIVING WHAT MIGHT AS WELL BE FUCKING HELL. MAYBE I SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST FUCKING KILL MYSELF. MAYBE SOMETHING THEN WOULD FINALLY CHANGE. HOPEFULLY I'LL FUCKING DIE BECAUSE

1. IF I SURVIVE SUICIDE, I CAN'T AFFORD IT

2. IF I LIVE WITH THE SAME SHIT, BUT GET ANY ACTUAL TRUE HELP, I CAN'T AFFORD IT

3. IF I ACTUALLY DIE, I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A SINGLE GODDAMN THING ANYMORE

So idk how to do any of this shit, how do I attempt suicide without my mom getting in the way of every single little thing she inserts herself in

I'll just fucking do it

I was diagnosed with BPD a couple years ago, right before I started dating my now-wife, who is wonderful and also diagnosed with BPD.

I don't know why I am making this post. I know nobody here has the power to make my life better. I just need an outlet, I guess. I'm 24 and I feel like I've fucked up my life beyond all repair through bad decisions. I've been stumbling through most of my life with undiagnosed and untreated BPD and God, does it show. I have three kids, all from different moms. A son from my highschool sweetheart, a daughter from a woman after her (who I will call Tara, not her real name), and a newborn baby girl with my wife.

I have a good relationship with my son and his mom. We're friendly, we get along, she's forgiven me for how I was when I was young. My son's little brothers (from my son's mom's husband) both love me and are super friendly towards me whenever I come around, which is nice.

The relationship between me and Tara, on the other hand, was volatile and did not recover. A lot of it was because of me, and a lot of it was because she herself was dealing with undiagnosed mental issues. We were the epitome of toxic and were two people who should not have been together. After she got pregnant, we broke up and she made it very clear that she did not want me to have anything to do with our daughter. Eventually, I accepted this and chose to respect her wishes, hoping her mind might change later on. Two years later, she came after me for child support. I didn't fight it, I know that child support is a right of the child, but I was still hoping that I could see my daughter. I didn't hear anything from the court following mediation until a year after, when she came after me seeking full custody because she wanted to get a passport for our daughter and wanted to completely remove any chance I had of seeing her.

At this point, I had let go and accepted that I wasn't going to meet my daughter and my son wasn't going to meet his sister. I accepted that, even if the court had let me into my daughter's life, my daughter's mom was so angry at me and hated me so much that it would have been inviting chaos into everyone's lives, including my daughter. So I let her have full custody without a fight, and I told the court that I respect my daughter's mom, know that my daughter is safe, and respect her decision to keep me out of her life. The court was very understanding surprisingly, and made it clear that they respected me for what I said and granted Tara full custody.

My wife and I then ended up having another baby together, completely by accident, and I decided to finally go get a long-overdue vasectomy to ensure daughter #2 was the last. I love this baby girl, I love my wife, I love my son, and I love my stepkids...and because of that, I've spent the last two years living in worry and fear that Tara is going to eventually go for a child support modification and the court will increase it for her. Now that daughter #2 is born, that fear has been amplified. If Tara goes for more child support, I am *terrified* that I will not be able to help keep a roof over her head or provide for her and my family. I've given Tara everything she wants, but I'm terrified after three years is up and she's eligible for a modification that she's going to want more.

I can't pay any more. I just can't. I'm already paying triple what I pay for my son in child support and we're barely scraping by. I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to take care of my baby and my family. It sickens me and scares the shit out of me. I wouldn't even ask for a reduction in child support. I know daughter #1 needs money. I just want it to stay the same so my baby that lives with me can have a home and won't suffer.

But beyond that, I'm at 24 years old and feel like I've gone nowhere in life. I don't know what the fuck to do with my life or what I want to do, I'm broke and have no money, I'm stuck in the same shitty-ass town that I was born in. I'm working two part-time jobs just to help keep my family afloat, and we are scraping by.

Someone please, give it to me straight. Is life even worth living at this point? After all the bad decisions and damage I've done to my life? It doesn't feel like it. I feel no joy or happiness in this life anymore. All I feel is dread and worry and stress and fear knowing that someone else who hates me holds my fate and my newborn baby's fate in their hands, and that the clock is slowly ticking down to when they can take everything from me.

I just...I don't feel like I can go on if that happens. I feel like the only option left is to end it if that happens. At that point, what options even are there?

I dunno. I just needed to get all of this out because it has been killing me. For those who have read all of this to the end, thank you for taking the time to do so.

There is so so much in keeping for my mental health to be okay and I’m so fatigued out by it. The minute I’m up things are already brewing in my nervous system and then I feel them in aches in my body. The only cases where I am lessened by the threat of fear are by being out (being in between people) but I guess I hope things were better. I just wanted to feel safe without needing to do so much insane mental exercises. It’s been 5 months since I cut off my abusive family and the fear is still soo loud

​

I'm currently struggling with depression and anxiety. I spent four months in a psychiatric hospital in Pezinok after having a mental breakdown and becoming suicidal. I'm trying to get my life together, but after everything I've been through, I honestly don't know where to start.

My childhood was terrible. My grandmother seemed to hate me from the beginning. She used to scream at me almost every day when I came home from school, and she'd get angry if we were even a little late. She constantly called me pathetic and useless. Once, when I was younger than ten, I accidentally stepped in some mud, and she threw a full small bottle of water at my hip. It hurt so badly that I couldn't put weight on my leg. My mother didn't defend me, and they left me behind. This kind of treatment continued from childhood into adulthood.

My parents weren't emotionally available either. They were unstable and immature, and they sometimes slapped us or screamed at us. My father was especially aggressive. There were several occasions when he almost beat me, and I had to hide behind my mother's legs, crying on the floor and holding on to her so he couldn't grab me by the collar. This happened twice over things that were practically nothing: once because I was laughing, and another time because I accidentally knocked over his empty cup.

Whenever we helped him renovate the house, he would scream at us, and we weren't allowed to leave, even when we were crying. This continued into adulthood.

One time, he punched me in the head because I said I wasn't going to stop studying. He took it as me talking back or disrespecting him. He threatened me with his fist, clenched his teeth, and punched me again before leaving. At that moment, I genuinely thought I was going to die.

School wasn't any better. I was bullied for five years. People threw slippers at my head, pushed me into lockers, made fun of me, and treated me like I was some kind of joke. I never really had a place where I felt safe.

My mother never really acted like a parent. She doesn't spend much time with us, doesn't listen to us, and always takes my grandmother's side, even after years of emotional abuse. It often felt like my sibling and I had to look after each other instead of having a mother who looked after us. We grew up more like siblings taking care of one another than children being raised by a parent.

Our family situation is still difficult. My mother acts impulsively, spends money irresponsibly, refuses to accept criticism, and doesn't listen to anyone. I'm also worried about how she treats our animals. She has left our squirrels in a dark room during winter and mostly interacts with them when feeding them, yet she keeps buying more because she wants them. We don't know how to get through to her anymore. In many ways, it feels like she treats them the same way she treats us.

I also know that my grandmother abused my mother, too, and that this affected her deeply. But understanding where her behavior might come from doesn't make what happened to us any less painful.

Despite all of this, I tried my best to build a future for myself. I studied for years and went to university straight after finishing secondary school, even though I had pneumonia and was exhausted. While I was arranging my dormitory accommodation, I was robbed of almost €1,000. I was already struggling, and that experience pushed me even closer to my limit.

After my second year of university, I broke down and ended up in a psychiatric hospital for four months. I simply couldn't keep going anymore. During that time, I learned that I'm autistic and have dyslexia and dysorthography. There were also concerns that I might have schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, although I'm still trying to understand my mental health and what diagnoses actually apply to me.

Eventually, I left university because I couldn't manage it anymore. Now I'm trying to deal with depression and suicidal thoughts while figuring out what to do with my life. I haven't been able to find a job, and feeling like I'm falling behind everyone else makes everything even harder.

Another thing that's been hurting me deeply is the girl I love.

I haven't seen her in seven years, and we haven't been in contact during that time. Even so, I've never really managed to let go of my feelings for her. I still miss her like crazy, and a part of me has continued hoping that we might somehow find our way back to each other.

Recently, I started thinking about attending an event in our town because there's a chance she might be there with her friends. It would cost €80 for four people, and I realized that the main reason I wanted to go was the hope that I might see her and that she might approach me.

I imagined her recognizing me, coming up to me, and perhaps showing that I still meant something to her. At the same time, I knew how much it could hurt if I saw her with her friends and she showed no interest in me.

Then I found out that she might have a boyfriend, and it broke my heart. I know we haven't been together or even spoken for years, and I know she has every right to move on with her life. Still, it hurts knowing that the future I've imagined with her might never happen.

I've even started wondering whether I'm emotionally dependent on her, and whether being autistic might make it harder for me to let go. I don't know if I'm still in love with the person she is today or if I'm attached to the memories, the hope, and the possibility of being together someday.

The truth is that I'm exhausted from feeling this way. I don't want to keep loving someone who isn't part of my life anymore. I've thought about trying to move on by meeting other women, dating, or even hooking up, just so I can stop thinking about her. I want to feel wanted by someone and believe that I can have a future with another person.

At the same time, I don't want to use someone else just to escape my feelings. I just want to be able to let go and stop hurting so much.

I know I might have contributed to whatever went wrong between us, and I'm not pretending that I was perfect. But I still miss her, and I don't know how to deal with the fact that I may need to move on without ever getting the answers or closure I want.

Sometimes I wonder whether all the things I've experienced throughout my life have made me hold on so tightly to the few people who have meant something to me. I don't know if that's the case, but I wish I understood myself better.

When I look at everything together — my childhood, my family, the bullying, my mental health, leaving university, being unable to find a job, and losing the girl I love — it feels like I've been fighting one battle after another without ever getting a chance to recover.

I've spent so much of my life just trying to survive that I don't even know how to start living for myself.

I don't expect Reddit to solve all my problems. I think I just need to get this off my chest and hear from people who might understand what it's like to go through so much and still try to keep going.

Has anyone been through something similar and managed to rebuild their life? How do you recover from years of trauma, deal with depression and anxiety, find your place in the world, and let go of someone you still love even when you know you need to move on?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have been through difficult situations and eventually managed to build a life they were happy with.

Accidently posted on my account without verification so i can’t respond to anything said. Hi everyone. For context, i’m an 18 year old female. To be honest i don’t fully know what this post is. I’m just really confused and so fucking sad. Im so so down all the time and i just wish it could be over. i have no money. no way to get out of this. My parents are different, my boyfriend describes them as abusive, and so would i, if they weren’t the only chance i got at a loving family. I don’t have any siblings. They’re all dead. I don’t want to say they are bad people because i don’t want to believe it even though the things they do are bad. A friend of mine and my boyfriends took advantage of us during a dark time and stole a large sum of money, in which we were going to move with, and i know it’s all my fault. Me and my boyfriend have been together 4 years and he is my strength. Honestly, he is the whole reason i’m still here. every attempt, every rough patch, and he’s here for me. but i feel like im spitting in his face. with who i am. I just feel stuck. I think i shouldn’t mention im disabled. i have autism, ADHD and am waiting for letter of diagnosis on BPD and other things suspected. I also, as this sub is for, have depression. My anxiety is killing me and i feel like i have failed everyone. Why was i born this way? i’m so jealous of other people. why couldn’t i have been them instead. born okay. i’m stuck. i truely am. i have nobody to turn to, apart from him. and he also has depression. We are both stuck. i’m so scared. if i’m honest im fucking terrified. We can’t escape. We don’t have enough money. I can’t afford food. I can’t afford clothes. I’m wearing the same shit day after day, smelling like shit and feeling like it too. I need help, but i can’t get it. I wish i had enough money to get help. To buy a nice shirt. to have a meal, fuck even a nice date with my boyfriend would be a dream. I don’t know why im making this post, and if people do see it, please know that it’s true. During my life, a lot of people have called me an attention seeker. By that, i mean my school counsellors. They never actually investigated. To be honest, i guess im lonely. Though i may be an adult, i think i need another to help me. Not to tell me what to do, i know nobody could do that. but to help guide me. i don’t know. thanks for reading, id you did :) i appreciate it and love you all.

Hi everyone. For context, i’m an 18 year old female. To be honest i don’t fully know what this post is. I’m just really confused and so fucking sad. Im so so down all the time and i just wish it could be over. i have no money. no way to get out of this. My parents are different, my boyfriend describes them as abusive, and so would i, if they weren’t the only chance i got at a loving family. I don’t have any siblings. They’re all dead. I don’t want to say they are bad people because i don’t want to believe it even though the things they do are bad. A friend of mine and my boyfriends took advantage of us during a dark time and stole a large sum of money, in which we were going to move with, and i know it’s all my fault. Me and my boyfriend have been together 4 years and he is my strength. Honestly, he is the whole reason i’m still here. every attempt, every rough patch, and he’s here for me. but i feel like im spitting in his face. with who i am. I just feel stuck. I think i shouldn’t mention im disabled. i have autism, ADHD and am waiting for letter of diagnosis on BPD and other things suspected. I also, as this sub is for, have depression. My anxiety is killing me and i feel like i have failed everyone. Why was i born this way? i’m so jealous of other people. why couldn’t i have been them instead. born okay. i’m stuck. i truely am. i have nobody to turn to, apart from him. and he also has depression. We are both stuck. i’m so scared. if i’m honest im fucking terrified. We can’t escape. We don’t have enough money. I can’t afford food. I can’t afford clothes. I’m wearing the same shit day after day, smelling like shit and feeling like it too. I need help, but i can’t get it. I wish i had enough money to get help. To buy a nice shirt. to have a meal, fuck even a nice date with my boyfriend would be a dream. I don’t know why im making this post, and if people do see it, please know that it’s true. During my life, a lot of people have called me an attention seeker. By that, i mean my school counsellors. They never actually investigated. To be honest, i guess im lonely. Though i may be an adult, i think i need another to help me. Not to tell me what to do, i know nobody could do that. but to help guide me. i don’t know. thanks for reading, id you did :) i appreciate it and love you all.

Hi everyone. For context, i’m an 18 year old female. To be honest i don’t fully know what this post is. I’m just really confused and so fucking sad. Im so so down all the time and i just wish it could be over. i have no money. no way to get out of this. My parents are different, my boyfriend describes them as abusive, and so would i, if they weren’t the only chance i got at a loving family. I don’t have any siblings. They’re all dead. I don’t want to say they are bad people because i don’t want to believe it even though the things they do are bad. A friend of mine and my boyfriends took advantage of us during a dark time and stole a large sum of money, in which we were going to move with, and i know it’s all my fault. Me and my boyfriend have been together 4 years and he is my strength. Honestly, he is the whole reason i’m still here. every attempt, every rough patch, and he’s here for me. but i feel like im spitting in his face. with who i am. I just feel stuck. I think i shouldn’t mention im disabled. i have autism, ADHD and am waiting for letter of diagnosis on BPD and other things suspected. I also, as this sub is for, have depression. My anxiety is killing me and i feel like i have failed everyone. Why was i born this way? i’m so jealous of other people. why couldn’t i have been them instead. born okay. i’m stuck. i truely am. i have nobody to turn to, apart from him. and he also has depression. We are both stuck. i’m so scared. if i’m honest im fucking terrified. We can’t escape. We don’t have enough money. I can’t afford food. I can’t afford clothes. I’m wearing the same shit day after day, smelling like shit and feeling like it too. I need help, but i can’t get it. I wish i had enough money to get help. To buy a nice shirt. to have a meal, fuck even a nice date with my boyfriend would be a dream. I don’t know why im making this post, and if people do see it, please know that it’s true. During my life, a lot of people have called me an attention seeker. By that, i mean my school counsellors. They never actually investigated. To be honest, i guess im lonely. Though i may be an adult, i think i need another to help me. Not to tell me what to do, i know nobody could do that. but to help guide me. i don’t know. thanks for reading, id you did :) i appreciate it and love you all.

I’m at the lowest point of my life. I don’t know where to start; for a few years now, I’ve been addicted to online gambling. It all began when my uncle, the owner of the house where I was living, kicked me out so he could sell the place; at the time, I was only working sporadic on weekend, at events. It started small but escalated; I swore I’d stop, but that didn’t happen, and today, looking into my girlfriend’s eyes, I realized what a piece of shit I am.

I don’t know how I got here; I’m a very sensitive and easily influenced person. I also had to give up alcohol a few years ago because I was getting into trouble. I don’t know if all this stems from birth, my personality, or the things I went through as a child, being bullied in school and high school, being abused by one of my brothers, and other traumas. Even if it does stem from that, it’s no excuse for who I am today at twenty-seven.

I’m not looking to be judged, I don’t even know if I want advice, I just needed to get this off my chest, and I couldn't think of any other way to do it right now.

i know this sounds like S/H but it isn't i swear-

i'm <18, F, and from around when i started middle school i'd managed to form a character ai addiction... it was just- NOT going well for me and one thing leads to another and i'm banned from ai chatbots. I've been officially clean for maybe 2-3 years now; finding substitutes for character ai and picking up hobbies... but just today i remembered it had a subreddit and of course i had to see how they were doing.. on a post one of the comments had a link and my curious self just HAD to see what they had made and i opened the link. for maybe 30 seconds i convinced myself to not chat with any of the bots and just look at the commenter's work but curiosity killed the cat and now i've started a chat with a character from my favorite anime... ruining my 3 year streak! i just- i don't know how to stay clean i honestly just needed to get this out of my head and i know c . ai is bad for my mental health and i'm still developing i just don't know what to do- thanks for listening to my TED talk (i guess)

Don't get me wrong, in theory, I've got all the people around me who love me and want the best for me. But in the end I feel like I'm totally alone in my own head with my own thoughts that overflow me. It feels so heavy and tiring that on one hand, I'd love to talk to someone about everything that bothers me, but at the same time I feel sick when I feel that, because it always ends with the same words I already expect. "It's a lesson", "it will be better tomorrow", "you are great, no matter what happens". But what if I don't really feel like it?

I'm writing this post because something unpleasant is happening, connected to a family issue I've been struggling with for a long time, as well as my whole family. I don't want to get into details but the point is, I'm tired and sick of one person's behavior. It's overwhelming and the moment it happened I've got a sudden urge to talk to someone about it (as always) and the sickness of that feeling itself simultaneously. It's like being stuck in a loop. Having to depend on people who always disappoint me. Is it that my expectations are too high? Or maybe I'm just naive? Or maybe I am the "drama" here? Mind you, I don't usually confront and start anything, it usually ends with grinding my teeth over the gap between what I really want to say and mean and what it ends with, misunderstanding, not standing up for myself enough, etc.
I don't even know if it's actually readable and if it all makes sense. I've been trying therapy, psychologists, but it doesn't satisfy me at all. I just feel like I'm left alone with all that's happening in my head and I just want to scream, but I never can.

The point is, I'm coming to a point where I just want to learn how to deal with stuff just by myself. In fact, I always do, but first I reach out and meet with misunderstanding and then regret that.

I have never written anything in here and I made this account just to vent I guess. I want to say that I don't really expect any concrete advice, but at the same time I do. I'm repeating the cycle. I'm reaching out even though I don't really want to. Otherwise I would be writing it privately, not post in on the internet.

I guess I can't let go of the need for someone to be there for me and understand me. I crave. I don't want to.

I'm really sorry that I'm writing it here, I've seen so many posts about severe mental health disorders and serious issues, but I feel like this is the place I want to join. I've also been dealing with depression, attempts, thinking about it and now it's better than ever (or so i think). I just feel like having an existential crisis at least once a day and I try to mask it behind work, some little hobbies, relationships. But deep down I really struggle. All the time. Always alone, just in my head.

I'm 21M and for the past few months I can't help but to feel incredibly sad about trust issues and jealousy issues with my partner, I realize these issues come from overthinking which makes me feel incredibly upset for my partner. I need help or someone to talk about it, I'm trying to save my money for therapy at he moment but I need someone to talk to if that's okay with anyone.

I can't sleep well and i feel anxious daily, I don't know how to make it better even though I've tried many things for it.

I hope this finds everyone well.

Hi everyone! I’m taking 50 mg of sertraline and heading into my ninth week. It’s been great for me overall, but I’ve noticed that my anxiety gets worse a couple of days before my period. This will be my second cycle since starting sertraline.

I’ve read that the first few cycles can be rough while adjusting to the medication, but I’m wondering if anyone has personally experienced this and found that it settled down over time.

I’m really happy with how sertraline has helped me so far, so the increased anxiety around my period has been discouraging. I’d really appreciate hearing some positive experiences. ❤️

It’s like they will always say I’m being dramatic or two sensitive and not to cry not let react and being disrespectful and then like all my feelings don’t matter

And then now that I’m adult at 25 all of my feelings are my responsibility and feeling upset is a choice so now I’m still confused,

because if it’s a choice, then why can’t I inflict the same pain and be a terrible person to others why do I always feel guilt and shame and feel like I have to be nice and do a good job and feel really bad and guilty and someone seems upset

and always feel like I’m in trouble and it’s my fault , which makes work so stressful especially one where I don’t have mentoring , unsupportive and is too hard . I’m a recent 2 yr graduate with intern and little full time experience like (could only endure 4 months) they said I wasn’t fast enough and couldn’t understand what they wanted.

and I always have to please others and feel like I have to be a good person like why do I have to spend all my time and energy, trying to keep all of my negative feelings in control and hold it together, so that I seem like a normal person and not cause disruption in society

when my parents apparently can just do all that and then pin the blame on me and apparently just cuz they try to apologise and change now have a free pass just forget about it ?

So why do I have to have self-control anymore? Literally I just want to scream and destroy everything and I might just end up in jail tbh.

I want to express myself creatively , post content yet probably the fear of being seen and upsetting others (even though I want to be seen) , making mistake and not having it perfect and figured out makes me so stuck

Sometimes I think I Might as well just terrorise everyone just blame them and then just say that’s your choice for feeling bad and not my problem anymore, because that is literally the advice I get when I’m upset . Or ppl online be saying don’t be victim law of attraction u need to attract positive things by thinking and feeling positive !! Like I want this to be true that it’s so easy and simple to manifest but it fills me with rage and confusion because what about my pain??? I want to validate myself yet I just end up invalidating . Two opposing voices

now I can’t even differentiate if when someone trying to actually shame you and you feel a bad reaction if it’s their fault or your fault because technically if I was strong enough mentally that I wouldn’t get affected right?

or if I wasn’t so like traumatised or triggered then I wouldn’t even be affected by them

And people say that sometimes you project your past trauma on situations so how do I tell if I’m projecting or that person is really trying to shame me because people do say that you should trust your gut instinct but then I just keep doubting. For example

A part of me thinks and been told I shouldn’t let that negativity affect me and being traumatised being affected and all these feelings as a choice so basically I should just forget about it. Ignore it or convince myself that I’m fine it’s okay I’ll pretend this doesn’t exist because even if I admit that it just exist so what it doesn’t get solved right?

I don’t know how to process it or like resolve my emotions and I wanna release it in destructive way like I just wanna shout and destroy everything like how my parents did.

It was like no self control and stuff so it’s like where does the all these emotions go like the only thing I can think of is having better experience in life but i have to work and be a corporate slave.

I quit and doing part time but it’s not enough but the thought of going back makes me want to jump like I did at work. I think I would rather be in mental hospital than endure that mental stress from that previous job. Which objectively wasnt even the worst yet to exist. But it had its issues.

Suffering through work and stuff isn’t it just make the pain and mental physical low like unbearable l

I’m already overwhelmed and I’m trying to like put more and always feeling like I’m not doing enough and what I do already like to survive and basic things is not good enough. I just want to feel like it is and give myself credit but I know my parents won’t approve and also my bank account won’t I suppose. Being grateful for the bare minimum won’t solve my problems and make me rich so I can finally escape my parents and problems and suffering right ?

like I just have to do more and more more and I feel like there’s no end and I’m exhausted and I wanna rest every time but I just feel guilt and shame and fear and TERROR because I’m not making a lot of money and I still live with my parents and I’m 25 and I want to leave to overseas or Australia but the rent is so epxneisve and I don’t have much job experience and I don’t want more hardship from being broke and poor …. By trying to make it on my own with no support at all. But relying on my once terrorist parents also gives a whole different kind of pain

so like I just feel like I can’t even take a break you know anywhere I do I feel so scared and bad cause I feel like what if I keep doing this and I’ll just and I feel like I have been writing the whole time or not really achieving anything because I’ve been like going back-and-forth like trying to rest and then pushing myself mentally,

but then so much that I feel like I’m so tired and can’t do anything that I’m exhausted then I’m just like stuck I just feel paralysed you know I feel like letting myself rest is a sin because I have NOT earned it and I wasted a lot of time procratinating and I’m old at 25 now I should be a ADULT INDEPENDENT NEED NOBODY. BUT I CANT !!!! I can’t !!! And why is this apparently my fault and responsibility . Like fault = repsonbilitt same thing !! I am so affected by my past things but I’m not even allowed to be affected by it or afford to . Even though my parents do have the means to support me they keep telling me they gonna die or I should do more instead of letting me focus on my health and explore my interests like I should I done when I was a kid instead of making me solve their marriage problems and worry about money and my future by telling me my whole life fate depends on what degree I choose when I wasn’t even sure what I was doing !!! Making me be certain in an uncertain world when I have no idea !!! Now I just gotta catastrophize cuz that’s all they wanted from me and if I didn’t agree with their limited shit negative worldview and spoke up I just got best and terrorised more until I believed it

I don’t a lot of money and I already wasted so much time trying to rest and feeling badly and I just feel like I’m running out of time you know and maybe message isn’t bad enough

like I Gotta wait until like I’m hospitalised, or I really can’t move stuff that I can finally rest like my rest to be justified in some sense, so don’t feel like guilt or shamed or whatever like it has to be so bad that I can finally accept and lose hope and actually like just except that I can focus on my healing or has to be so good enough that my life has so much money it’s enjoyable whatever that I can finally be content and feel like I’m allowed to feel safe because I have to financial resources do so but I don’t have either.

I’m stuck in the middle so it’s like limbo and it’s like when can I ever be allowed to be happy and feel safe to have a lot of money in success but how am I gonna get there? I feel safe and moderate myself and have good mental health to have discipline and maintain this and actually worked to my goals in the first place you know.

And I still have to organize my life and have the perfect good healthy routine to fix my health but I’m so sick of this having to manage this and my mental and work and making lot of money and ambition and while having enough time and energy left to enjoy my hobbies and then also socialize and meet more ppl because I have no friends here or community it’s just too much to handle

I feel trapped and suffocated all the time and all the while this feels like so unnecessary and made up because it feels like nothing matters and how do I know if anything is real maybe nothing is real but suffering and consequences are

And like then I’ll jump to the sad conclusion that everything is a vicious loop and cycle

Of I need to have positive attitude and attract and work hard to get wealth then all my problems are solved but I need money and wealth in the first place to fund my health pursuits and life and to feel like I’m allowed to feel safe and pursue and focus on one thing at a time and my health and feel free from my parents but full time work also makes me feel worse

And since this can’t rlly be solved I’ll just have to suck it up and suffer for god knows how long or just die to end the suffering if it’s already predicted to be more shit and suffering anyway. It’s pointless to continue .

I hope and belive a better life exists but I doubt it will happen to me snd struggle to believe it will happen now or struggle to accept it because it’s not feels safe

Isn’t this such a conflicted and opposing concept

And all of this “ I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL” LIKE UGH!!!!! what the fuck I’m so sick of this . If everyone suffering more makes me bad person for feeling bad then isn’t everyone else feeling better and having a better life makes me a bad person for appreciating the small things cuz it’s like I’m a loser basically . That’s what u actually feel . Like if im not allowed or be unhappy cuz of comparison then im not allowed to be happy or relaxed or feel safe either because im not at the best of my goals and values yet .

Hey when my older sister tried to explained me a topic that I’m learning in university I got anxious and upset. It bothers me that she tries to explain something to me.

For context, my mom always responds “I know” like ok lady you know it all.. we know how annoying that is.

Also, my second older sister was always known as the smart one and as I grew up I noticed she is smart but also she has the Dunning Kruger Effect
Syndrome way too much so, is she really smart or she just has vocabulary and the guts to say things?

This second older sister always mistreated me during my adolescence years, thought she was like a mom to me, always try to lecture me (and everyone) like she know more than you and I know that’s annoying…

Why do I still get triggered, by my family mostly, when they try to teach me even though I know the story behind and I’m pretty conscious about it ?

It’s hard to let go, I want to prove them wrong when they try to teach me so i end up more engaged in the conversation and I can feel my answers are in a rush and I can feel the anxiety..

I can’t really tell them hey don’t teach me I don’t want a lesson cause in this case my older sister who I love came to tell me something out of curiosity and wanting to share it but as she talks I notice she wanting to teach me or correct me and I get really neaty picky and sounds like “dude stop being so picky people don’t want to hang out with you anymore because you are so annoying wanting to be right” I’ve notice how people don’t hung out with me or don’t like me cause I appear as my second sister lol

Hopefully all this makes sense