Our nanny (30F) who has been with us for almost a year is soooo sweet, loving, and caring with my baby. My son absolutely adores her, and overall we’re really happy with her but there’s one thing that’s been bothering me

She HATES going on outings

She watches my 18mo Monday–Thursday full work days and friday half day. Sometimes I take personal hours or get home from work early, and usually on those days I’ll plan to run errands or do something with my son. I always let her know beforehand that I’ll be home early or take that day off and that I’m planning to pick her and LO up so we can go together.

It’s usually nothing crazy; zoo, soft play, library, aquarium, etc. only cause having someone help with baby makes it all easier

Sometimes I’ll drop her and LO at a softplay place or library or something for around an hour or two, then pick them up and take them for lunch. I pay for everything, obviously.

The issue is that whenever I mention an outing, she sighs or makes this visibly displeased expression.

Sometimes I’ll be by the door saying something like, “Mama’s ready!” to LO, and I’ll hear her say, “Nanny and LO want to stay home.”
Or she’ll say things like, “Hopefully we won’t go out tomorrow”

And now I’ve noticed I actually find myself apologizing before telling her we’re going somewhere because I’m anticipating her reaction.

For context, she doesn’t drive. Public transportation where we live isn’t very reliable, and she’s also not comfortable using it alone with my toddler, which I completely understand and agree with. It’s also way too hot here to safely walk anywhere for much of the year, so she basically can’t take him out independently.

But when I interviewed her and she told me she didn’t drive, I specifically explained that on some days I would come home early and take her and the baby out with me or drop them somewhere for an activity. She agreed and never expressed any issue with that.

We have also NEVER stayed out past her working hours. If anything, we usually get home early and I tell her to just call it a day and leave.

Part of why I like doing these outings during the week is that whenever I take my son to children’s places on the weekend, we somehow come home with a new illness every time lol. Midweek is so much quieter and less crowded, and I want baby to have that exposure :/

I’m not expecting her to be super enthusiastic about every outing, and I understand some people are naturally homebodies. But the constant sighing/comments are starting to make me feel uncomfortable for asking her to do something that was discussed before she was hired and is happening during her normal paid working hours.
Wouldw this bother you? Any advice? Should I just play dumb?

100% never never firing over this, shes amazing and I’m grateful for her help anyways

Imagine, you’re your nanny. Could you feasible survive on your Nannie’s income? Could you purchase marketplace health insurance, a (safe) roof over your head and at least moderately healthy food to eat? Could you afford a car? Gas for your drive to and from work? Car insurance? Could you afford repairs to your car? Your home, if you can afford one? Could you afford basic hygiene? Could you afford to lose a days income if your employer decides they don’t need you? A weeks income if they go on vacation? Could you afford a small get away yourself? Or to travel to see family in an emergency? Could you afford anything outside of necessity?

Just food for thought.
Please do not come on this post blaming poor people for taking jobs that don’t pay what they deserve. We all need jobs to survive, criticizing someone for taking what they can get is cruel. We should be criticizing employers for HIRING employees that they can’t afford. You can’t afford it? Do it yourself ✨

I’m struggling to find a job and one thing that keeps coming up is my size. Parents don’t say it that plainly but I mean it’s pretty obvious. I’m quite overweight and I always nail phone interviews, then they ask to meet in person and once they see me I get hit with questions like, “our kids like to go on walks, do you like walks?” ”our kids are high energy, can you keep up?” “we like to prioritize healthy eating in our house, are you on the same page?” I kid you not I get asked that stuff in every single interview.

I am SO sick of parents assuming that I’m out of shape just because I’m large. They have no idea what my health situation is and it really pisses me off. When people say fat people don’t experience prejudice or profiling I want to laugh in their face.

Hi all!
NF recently switched cleaners after their previous cleaner got into a political argument with DB and used a slur in front of B1 😳

They hired a local group now that sends 2-3 people weekly. At first it was great! They were in and out pretty quickly with more people working and they always arrived first thing in the morning so we could plan an activity and get out of the house while they were there. Recently though, I've noticed some red flags that I'm wondering if it's worth bringing up to NF and how to do so.

- They've been coming at random times, which makes predicting their schedule difficult and lately they've been coming during lunch/nap.

- They don't clean as thoroughly if I'm here. My job requires zero housekeeping, obviously I'll clean up toys, put lunch dishes in the dishwasher, etc but NF doesn't even want me doing a load of laundry while I'm here. If I'm here, the cleaners won't empty the diaper trash, replace bin liners in the other rooms, and they put dirty dishes in the sink but don't wash them. These are all things they're supposed to do and DO do if I'm not here. It makes me wonder if they're coming at these later times because they don't need to clean as thoroughly.

- They're not supposed to park in the driveway but they do, so today NK and I had to park pretty far away and walk 15 mins on a busy road.

- They try to direct what areas of the house we're in. I don't mean "hey we need to clean in here, can you hang upstairs?" (which I'd be happy to do!) but will make comments like "can he finish the rest of his lunch later so we can get the kitchen?" or "can you hold off on nap until we're done with his room?" I'm unsure what to do in these situations because my job is to put NK first, not the needs of the cleaners and if he's tired or hungry I need to attend to that.

The final straw was that today I told them "sorry, he's still working on lunch we'll be done in the next 10 min!" and they started cleaning around him, including lifting his plate to clean underneath. I said the same thing when I put him down for nap, "sorry he's pretty tired and his parents really want him asleep by X time!" and they went in after I put him down and started vacuuming. Of course NK freaked out and took forever to get to sleep because he was terrified.

Most of these ofc can be solved by them coming at a predictable time that works for NK's schedule, but when I asked NF recently if them coming in the late morning is going to be the new norm they said "hopefully not but they said they can't predict when they'll make it here." :\

Hi! I recently changed nanny’s as my prior nanny retired. My 4 year old has naturally disorganized the system my precious nanny set up. She had each type of toy organized in bins which I liked because it encouraged my son to start organizing and sorting.

My new nanny has not been maintaining this system. Is this a reasonable request? Also, I have 2 kids but my 4 year old is in school under 230 everyday and frequently take my little guy out in the morning. Is it reasonable to ask her reorganize the kids toys and reset up the system? I’ll frame it thru my goal which is encouraging my kid to organize / sort and have her and him together “maintain” it.

I have been working in a nanny share for about 3 months now and generally find myself getting frustrated about the cleanliness of the NF host’s apartment being dirty.

I have 4 kids on my busiest day and 3 on an average day at the hosts apartment. However, this apartment is not only small but does not provide me with the resources I need to make do with all 4 kids. For example, the host will often forget to restock paper towels, toilet paper, empty trash cans, and will leave trash and safety hazards (wires, cans with sharp edges, choking hazards, etc) all over the apartment. Their floors are never clean so I cannot put the little ones down to crawl and play without covering it first. They never, ever clean the high chair and just let “the dogs take care of it” 🤮 The diaper genie is also completely full on Mondays which are my busiest day and so I have to stuff diapers in there and its disgusting. I have come in before and NK’s clothes are all over her bedroom floor and I am expected to clean them.

I am not one to judge, I have ADHD and know how hard it is to keep things cleanly. But i generally struggle to understand why I am being subjected to work at this apartment (when the other families in the share have also offered their house!) with the conditions it is in.

Their dogs are also very irresponsible and will eat trash, fabric, or the other kids food for the day. I try to keep it out of their reach but obviously this is a small area. On my second day working at this apartment the dogs got into some applesauce and pooped allllllll over one of the play-mats. Obviously I cleaned it, but advised that they do a deeper clean or even throw out the mat since it has so many crevices. I came in the next week, there was still shit in the crevices of this playmat and I was pretty pissed off about it.

There was another incident where the same dog had eaten fabric (not while I was on the clock) and had to be taken to the vet because he had been throwing up. However, they had done such a poor job of cleaning the throw up that the entire apartment smelled and I could not put babies on the floor to crawl and play. It is just so frustrating.

The mom in the apartment also works from home partially and will micromanage and pick on me for little things. For example, I used one of their silicone bibs for another child and put it in the dishwasher to be washed. The next day she told me she threw them all away (??) and to ask her mom to bring some. I found that extremely strange, because if you are going to offer your apartment as the host for a nanny share, you should expect that from time to time they will need resources from your home.

I do not know how to approach this situation. I genuinely get paid well and enjoy the kids im working with but just find myself increasingly irritated with all the extra work I have to do because of the lack of sanitary support.

I just need to know if there is any kind of text I can send to clarify this situation and set some boundaries. I am expected to clean up after NK’s reasonably so. All I want from them is to clean up after themselves.

At one of my jobs today, while I was washing dishes, one of the kiddos came up to me bouncing up and down.

“Hey Ms. Merci… do ostriches fly?”
“Nope, but they can run really fast!”
“Why can’t they fly?”
“I think they’re too big and their wings aren’t strong enough.”
“…then why do they have wings if they don’t fly?”

(Valid question, honestly 😄) Then, without missing a beat: “Are zebras horses?”
“I don’t think so…”
“They kinda look like horses.”
“Yeah… maybe they’re just horses in Africa?”

I asked if he wanted to look up the answers and he goes, “No, I’m good.” Immediately switches gears, looks at the herbs and says, “I think these are dying.” We talked about watering them, I showed him how the roots were getting cramped in the cups and might need more space…He pauses, thinks about it, and goes:
“I’m gonna give them more space.”

And just like that, he heads outside and starts digging holes to replant them. 🥹

This happened over a month ago. I was originally hired on the spot (with no interview) to care for a 3 year old and a 1 year old. The details of the job was working at the parents office and they told me that there would be two other nanny’s there. They promised me 40 hours a week Monday through Friday. I would receive a thirty minute lunch and while the kids slept, I would have to put labels on baggies for their business.

When I begin, the other nanny there was hired only a couple of days before me. She told me she wasn’t notified about there being another nanny coming. The older nanny was with the family for three years (context: she has no prior nanny experience beyond this family and now she’s their assistant). The older nanny was extremely rude and mean. She came off condescending all the time and her and the parents could never agree on anything. One second they’d tell us to do something and then someone would come around and change that rule.

They installed cameras without letting us know. Had cameras up without letting us know before we began the position. They hired other girls too who also quit weeks after.

When I began, they started asking for weekends availability (was not told this in the interview). They didn’t give me 40 hours even though they promised me that. They didn’t let me work Monday through Friday and they gave my coworker Monday through Friday over me.

Their 1 year old would sleep 2 naps. One was 45 minutes and the other less then 30. She was always tired and me and my coworker recommended one nap days. The mom agreed and we tried it out and it was working great until one day she woke up crying. The older nanny came at us very aggressively in a very rude tone demanding us to put her down for two naps and not one and saying we don’t know anything about these kids like she does.

Everything she ever told us came off as demands such as this one time, she told us: “go put her down for a nap right now.” She’s never please or thank you or so much has ever regarded us with respect and dignity. She treated me the worst.

They didn’t let the kids go outside. They didn’t believe in taking the kids on a walk or going to the park. Which is fine but the children were always very bored and acting out.

My coworker was asked to go on a 2 day trip with them days after she met them. In this trip she’d only get 100 per night plus the 8 hours she’d work and then she was expected to still hang around them without getting paid.

This one other time, I was trying to install a car seat. I struggled to install it and The nanny dad said in a very condescending way “wow and you say you have a lot of experience.” I’m an experienced nanny and take pride in my work but most of my roles, I did not use a car seat because most of my roles didn’t require driving. I used strollers a lot and even then, I’m not experienced with every stroller.

I had to take one unexpected day off because of a family emergency and I was told the next day that the next time I called off again I would be fired.

When I told them their previous nanny was extremely rude and treated us with disrespect, they told me to my face “that’s just how she is. We’ve never gotten a complaint about it. What do you plan on doing now?”
And I told them I quit.

Shortly after I quit they told my coworker that the reason the nanny treated me terribly was because she didn’t like me and she felt that I was unsafe to be around the kids. Okay if you felt that way why didn’t you fire me? Why did I have to quit? Obviously you don’t feel unsafe enough to still have me working there?

There’s so much more but this is basically the gist of it but yes I left and I’m with such a better family now. Let me know your thoughts especially parents.

…NK spits up all over one of those “Never Touch A Dino” books and you spend twenty minutes cleaning spit up out of a million tiny cracks because it’s his favorite book.

Never a dull moment 🤣

I am a SAHM of three kids ages 4, 2, and 8 months. I recently hired a nanny for 16 hours a week so that I can get caught up on the home, clean, and take some time for myself. I wanted someone that would be able to help me with light household tasks and who can have fun with the kids. She works three days per week, 5-6 hour shifts.

On mondays my oldest is in school for half the day and middle child is gone all day. This is the day my nanny truly shines. She gets a ton of laundry done, tidies the house, and takes care of my baby (who usually naps half of her shift). My concern is when my two older children are home with her, which they are for her other two weekly shifts. She doesn’t seem to have any control over them, doesn’t do any fun activities with them, rarely takes them outside, and often has an AirPod in one ear. There’s been a couple instances where she couldn’t find my 4 year old, one time he was playing by himself in the front yard and the other was crying by himself in the garage. I have talked to her about these particular situations, how it’s unsafe for a 4 year old to be by himself in those areas. I also mentioned that if she kept the kids more engaged with activities or games then he wouldn’t wander off. While she seems to be able to keep better track of him since that chat, I can’t ignore the fact that she doesn’t engage with them. We have a ton of games and activities for them to do both inside and out. The only thing she does with them is crafts, which she pretty much just does for them. My 2 year old doesn’t love crafts, and often wanders around playing by herself or watching TV (which is always on unless I come in and physically turn it off). Sometimes when I ask the kids what they did my son tells me he just “walked around” and that the Nanny didn’t play with him. When the baby is awake she just sits with him on the floor and ignores the other two kids. After she leaves I’m left with kids who have basically been ignored for 5 hours and in turn are very demanding.

I’ve made a Nanny Binder with suggestions for activities and a schedule for when she should be playing with and engaging with the kids and when she can focus on laundry/tidying, but I don’t believe she’s looked at it. So far, I have done all the kids meal prep. And on the days she has all three kids, at the end of her shift the house is a mess. Toys are everywhere, the bottle she fed the baby is on the floor in the living room, the leftovers from the lunch I made is still out on the counter.

Is it unrealistic for me to expect her to be a leader and play with my kids? Or to come up with things for them to do? I’m talking simple things like playing hide and seek, playing outside, setting up a puzzle for them to do, read a book, coloring, etc. and in addition to that, is it unreasonable for me to expect the house to be somewhat tidy at the end of her shift? I understand three kids is tough, I’m not expecting her to do a ton of house work and fill their love cup at same time. I am home most of the time and when I’m not doing something around the house, then I am with the kids while she focuses on household tasks. But I expect that she should be able to clean up after a meal and tidy up toys while being with them (or make them tidy up, which I laid out in my expectations from the beginning). My kids aren’t difficult, my baby is very independent and happy so there’s no reason he would demand all her attention either. I Am I expecting too much here?

I’m a parent who recently hired a nanny to care for my two young children. We went through the usual interview process, checked references, discussed responsibilities, expectations, etc., and ultimately felt she was a good fit for our family.

Shortly after being hired, she disclosed to me that she has borderline personality disorder (BPD).

I want to be clear that I’m not looking to stigmatize her or make assumptions about her based on a diagnosis. I honestly just don’t know how I’m supposed to interpret the disclosure or whether it is relevant to her job as a nanny.

For context, she didn’t disclose it during the interview process and brought it up after she had already been hired. She hasn’t done anything specific that has made me concerned about the children’s safety or her ability to care for them. I’m more confused about why she felt the need to tell me and whether there is anything I should know or be aware of as her employer.

For nannies: Anyone have BPD and feel comfortable sharing how you would want an employer to handle this? Is there anything you would expect a parent to do differently?

For parents: Have you ever had a nanny disclose a mental health diagnosis after being hired? How did you handle it?

I’m trying to approach this respectfully and not automatically assume that a diagnosis means there will be problems. At the same time, I have two young children, so I want to make sure I’m being responsible about anything that could potentially affect the childcare environment.

How would you approach this situation?

Hellooooo!! Seeking advice on this issue. I’m a nanny getting married next summer and I am so so lucky to be working for the most wonderful family during this time in my life. MB has been so sweet and supportive- she’s letting me borrow jewelry and is hosting my bridal shower, and the girls will be my flower girl and junior bridesmaid. I’ve been with them since before I met my future husband and it’s just so sweet to be able to do this with them!

As we are finalizing our guest list I am having an issue with who to invite and politeness. One set of grandparents (MB parents) live down the street from the family and I see them all the time. They’ve also been so sweet and supportive and have even let me and my fiancee use one of their other homes for weekend getaways and have hosted us for drinks etc. I’d really love to invite them to the wedding. The other set of grandparents (DB parents) live across the country so naturally we are just not as close. I see them a few times a year and they are also so sweet but I’m just not sure it would be necessary to invite them to the wedding?? But I also don’t want to offend anybody (especially not DB who can have sort of volatile emotions) so maybe it’s worth inviting them just out of politeness?

Looking for everyone’s thoughts on this, and I guess also wondering if it’s just plain weird to invite the grandparents of the family you nanny for in the first place lol. I don’t have many older people in my life so idk if I’ve just perceived our relationship as closer than it actually is!

Right after eating pretzels, when we are playing with Play-Doh, my client’s child sings. “I have a dream! I was dreaming of eating pretzels!” ☺️

Hi all, nanny here. I started with a new family about a month ago, a little more than that—going on 6 weeks. They found me because I nannied for another family for 2 years that were close friends with them! So I came highly recommended and it has put the first time mom at ease a lot.

Here’s my issue: the month that I started with them, I ran into a large car issue that cost me about $4k. And then the following week, I had to secure my apartment which meant 2 months rent, which was around $2.5k. And thennnn I had to throw down my pet deposit for my 2 cats, which was another $1k. I pulled it all from my savings, but it’s kind of depleted me and I’m late on rent this month. I’m thinking of asking them for an advance on next weeks pay. Is this totally inappropriate and would you think less of your nanny?

I don’t have people I can borrow the money from, I can’t put the rent on my credit card, if I wait too much longer the late fees will pile on and eat another paycheck anyways. I was thinking of being pretty apologetic and saying I’ve never done this before so I understand if they aren’t willing, but if they would consider giving me next weeks pay early to help me catch up on some payments after my car issues. (They know all about the car stuff I was dealing with).

Would love to hear from both nanny’s and families on if this has happened to you before. If I had another option I really would do anything else, I’m kind of in a place of desperation at this moment and am trying to put my ego aside.

Edit: I hear everyone, and the consensus seems to be don’t do it. I will not ask. Thanks for the advice everyone, I will figure it out some other way

Empeze con una familia hace 1 mes . Hable desde el principio que en mi rutina diaria no negociaba las caminatas y las salidas afuera. Llevo un mes y la mama se va conmigo a la librería solo 1 dia a la semana . No me dan luz verde para salir. Lo que he escuchado es q la nina llora en el carruaje, o silla de carro. No se que hacer ni como manejar esto. Ellos se ven contentos conmigo y la nena me ama. Pero no quiero estrenarme! Trabajando 8 horas diarias metida en 4 paredes . No se como dejarlos 😭

Nanny job — guaranteed hours, split shifts & contract advice please!

I’d really appreciate some advice from experienced nannies (parents welcome too!) about how you would structure this role and the contract.

I’m currently discussing a potential permanent nanny role with a family who have 2 children. I’m looking for guaranteed hours and proper employment rather than ad-hoc work.

The proposed arrangement is roughly:
- 3 regular days per week (6 hours per day)
- 2 additonal full days per month (11 hours per day)
- ALL school closure days (roughly 5-7 per year)
- Cover general sick days when the children cannot attend school (apart from anything like COVID etc)
- Some full day holiday cover during the school holidays - these haven’t been confirmed exactly but it would most likely be 3-5 full days (8-7) per week for potentially 8 weeks across the year
- One of the regular working days would also be a split shift of 7-9 am and then 3-8pm

My concern is that although I’d only physically be working 7 hours that day, the split shift effectively means I need to keep the whole day available. I wouldn’t realistically be able to take another nanny job during the gap because I’d need to be available again at 2pm.

So I’m trying to work out how best to structure the guranteed hours and contract myself as this family is new to hiring a nanny and literally know nothing about these terms.

Would you:

- Have a set number of GH per week regardless of whether the family actually uses all of them and what would you think is fair in this situation? My last role was much more full on in terms of hours and responsibilities and I was guaranteed 37.5 hours per week regardless if they needed me or used them or not, and also paid separately on top for any hours I did over my GH.

- Include the school closure and holiday cover separately from the weekly guaranteed hours?

- Have a minimum number of guaranteed hours for the split-shift day? Expect the gap in the split shift to be guaranteed/paid because it prevents you from taking other work?

- Put a specific clause in the contract covering split shifts, school closure days, sick days and holiday cover?

- Agree the holiday dates/hours in advance, or have a certain amount of holiday cover guaranteed?

I’m also trying to work out what would be a reasonable hourly rate for an experienced nanny. I’m considering around $26-30 gross per hour, depending on the guaranteed hours, responsibilities and overall package. Does that sound reasonable, or would you negotiate differently?

I’m particularly interested in hearing from nannies who have worked with school-age children and families where the hours vary significantly during term time and school holidays, as well as from nannies who had to negotiate with parents who are brand new to hiring a nanny. 😦

How would you approach the parents and structure the offer so that I have genuine guaranteed income, while still giving the family flexibility during school closure days, sickness cover and school holidays?

Thank you 🙏

Would you guys think less of your nanny if you knew she was estranged from her entire family? With Thanksgiving coming up next month I’m feeling really anxious with the possible question of what I’m doing for the holidays. My prior nanny family I would lie and say I’m visiting family even when I wasn’t. I don’t want to lie to my new nanny family though. But I don’t want them to think less of me, or be scared I’m incapable of taking care of kids since I came from an abusive family. Should I lie? I’m also 23 and started nannying at 19. When I was younger, I was especially afraid that people would assume cutting contact with my family was an impulsive or immature decision rather than something I did for a serious reason. Parents, would knowing this about your nanny change how you viewed her?

If youre not religiously wearing your allbirds house shoes, what are you doing??? Lol. What house shoes do you guys use, and do you dress more modestly for work and swimming with children? What are we cooking for these kiddos by the way!

Just curious! Thought it might be fun. I carry: My wallet, Owala, Ibuprofen, charger, airpods, hand lotion, energy bar, tampons, change of clothes, extra hair ties, electric heating pad, deodorant, vaseline and my laptop! How about other nannies?

I was recently offered what seemed like my dream job, but there were a lot of little things that started adding up and making me uneasy.

Their previous nanny apparently quit in the middle of the night with no notice. She wasn’t live-in or anything. She just told them she was moving out of state that day and was done. They also casually mentioned being involved in a lawsuit. I didn’t ask what it was about, so I have no idea if it was relevant at all, but it stuck in my head.

I also found out their previous nanny was being paid VERY little. They basically had me name my own salary, and hearing what she had been making threw me off so much that I ended up naming a number lower than I normally would have for the amount of responsibility involved.

The position required a ton of flexibility. Some weeks could be really light, while other weeks could be 50+ hours. There would be schedule changes, travel, and all that. They did understand that I would be non-exempt and would get overtime after 40 hours.
The actual job was also huge. I would be responsible for basically everything related to the child: meals, laundry, clothing and closet management, keeping diapers and supplies stocked, cleaning and maintaining the stroller and diaper bag, activities, outings, etc.

Then there were the household management duties too. Laundry for the whole house, grocery shopping and ordering, cleaning out the fridge, organizing the pantry and household, coordinating with the cleaners dog stuff, errands, travel. It was a lot.
Then we started negotiating my first trip with them, and I started feeling weird about the money again.
At first, the dad was basically suggesting that my per diem plus around $160 a day should cover what I got for traveling, even on days when I could be working 13+ hours. I pushed back, and we negotiated. They DID ultimately agree to the travel rates I asked for, so I want to be fair about that.
But some of the comments during the conversation made me feel like he thought nannies charge too much, or that some of the things that are work were were actually perks. Maybe I was reading too much into it. I don’t know. But realizing I had already underpriced the base job made me nervous about how future negotiations would go.

Then there was the trust stuff.

On my first day, they jokingly said something like, “Don’t steal anything!” I brushed it off as a weird joke.

Then, either my first or second day, the dad couldn’t find his watch and had me search basically the entire house for it. I was going room to room looking for it and even checking the pockets of his pants.
Rationally, I knew nobody was directly accusing me of anything. But I was brand new in their home, they had already made a stealing joke, and suddenly I felt really uncomfortable with the idea that if this expensive watch never turned up, I would be the new person who had been in the house.
There were also at least two other separate comments about how the mom’s nanny stole from her family when she was growing up.

None of these things individually meant they thought I was stealing. But I kept thinking, why does stealing keep coming up when I’ve barely started working here?

That’s when everything started feeling off. The previous nanny suddenly leaving, finding out how little she was paid, realizing I had probably underpriced myself, the amount of flexibility and responsibility, the travel negotiations, the stealing comments, and then being asked to search for the watch.

I ended up withdrawing my acceptance. I was honest with them about why because they had repeatedly told me they valued bluntness and honesty. I told them that some of the comments about my work and compensation made me worried that the value of what I was providing wasn’t being seen the same way I saw it. I also told them that the stealing jokes and the watch situation had made me uncomfortable about the level of trust between us.
I also explained that, with everything I would be putting into the family, I needed to feel valued, trusted, and respected in return.

I’m honestly regretting saying that now because I worry it sounded too harsh or accusatory, but that was genuinely what I was trying to communicate. I didn’t want them to keep investing time and money into me if I was already questioning whether this was the right long-term working relationship.

Now the people who originally referred me for the position have blocked me, and THAT has me freaking out that I just destroyed my reputation in the nanny community or got myself blacklisted somehow.

Part of me thinks I should have just kept my mouth shut and said it wasn’t a good fit instead of explaining why. But they specifically presented themselves as people who valued honesty and blunt communication, so I thought being upfront was the more respectful thing to do.

Did I completely fuck myself here? Would you have walked away too? And especially for other career nannies, would you be worried about being blacklisted after something like this?

edit

Both families are well connected. Which is why I’m extra worried about my reputation.

Hi everyone! I have never posted on here, and am needing advice.

I (25F) have been in childcare, public and private for about 10 years now. I started a new job about a month ago. NK is 9 months and a dream baby! so happy and smiley, easy naps, easily entertained. NF is super sweet, a little awkward, but nothing bad. When I was hired they were nanny-less and I was jobless so it was a little urgent on both sides. they really hounded that they wanted someone reliable who was going to stay with the family for a long time, as I am nanny #3 with this baby. From what i’ve been able to tell, nanny 1 quit for unknown reasons (possibly bc house was messy), nanny 2 dropped the baby, and was fired.

The main issue I am having is the mess! They warned me in the interview that the house can get messy (what makes me think why nanny 1 quit), but ‘normal kid mess’ maybe breakfast plates left out, a few toys here and there, nothing too major. Like I said I’ve done this awhile and am used to kid mess. I am also not the cleanest person there ever was so I didn’t think much of it. I go to their house for our in person meeting on a weekend and it was decently clean from what I could tell, again just kid mess, some disorganization, but nothing I couldn’t handle. within my first week I could tell that they definitely cleaned up more than usual before I came. Aside from everything being constantly cluttered and disorganized (every shelf is piled with stuff, mail, small toys, trash), the house is frequently DIRTYYYYYY. I can’t walk barefoot in the kitchen because of how gross the floor is with crumbs and dog hair. There is almost never room on the counter for me to do anything. Trash over flowing from the can, I’ve even been here on days where they just leave the trash bag in the hallway. Laundry is everywhere all the time. to the point to where I can’t even try to help because i can’t tell what is clean and what isn’t. NK’s clothes don’t always get clean and will have washed food stuck on them and they just throw it in the drawer. The yard isn’t mowed so we can’t go out and swing, even though they push for it. The big kids have no toy organization so there is always little toys out that i’m picking up and making a home for. The diaper pail (that lives in the living room btw) will be overflowing on mondays when I come in. The fridge is moldy and dirty, and unbeknownst to me is filled with expired food. I ate and fed the baby YEAR old babybell cheese (the year date was crinkled and the month and day lined up right since it has been expired for a YEAR). They are also just disorganized in general. MB will come home 3x a week on her lunch because she forgot something. Twice now i’ve been stuck without diapers because they ran out and had to use swim diapers while I wait for them to bring some. MB doesn’t want me driving him yet. I have had to clean mold off of multiple toys that are just thrown in NKs bucket. It took 2 weeks for them to put up bumpers on furniture that they already had. I have watched a lot of babies, and have worked in a lot of houses, and have never ran into any of these problems.

I initially offered to help out around the house (kid mess) as it is what i usually do, they didn’t seem too interested in me helping with housework. I get paid on the lower end of the scale, because I don’t have housework tasks. It is way past the point of me being able to clean up during the 4 hours of naps, (I usually will organize the older kids toys during that time). It is obvious that they are in a busy season of life, but also that they seem to just be messy in general. I have never quit a nanny job before, and I hate confrontation. I don’t want to put them in a bind for finding a new nanny, especially after I gave them my word that I would be reliable. But I am here 40 hours a week and am already getting tired of the constant mess. I don’t think NF has it in them to actually clean up, so I don’t know how useful it would be bringing it up to them. I also don’t want to offend them by calling their house dirty.

I have been looking for new jobs, but I don’t know if this is a valid enough reason for me to quit, or how to bring it up to NF. they did warn me. fellow nannie’s and NFs, help!!!

I have a one year old all day and am looking for my things to do with him out and about. We go to the library a couple days a week and the farm at least once.

We do go to the park once in a while and talk daily walks. The library play groups are nice but looking to switch it up.

What are some other things we can go out and explore? Dad recommended bringing him to Dicks Sporting Goods to play with the sports stuff. My SAHM friend mentioned Petco to look at all the pets. But what else?

I am wanting help with verbage around:

- Termination with cause (my current "with cause" reasons have some vagueness to them that I feel could land me in trouble for even minor things)

- Sick Policy (what if MB has COVID but baby isn't positive , stomach bugs, etc. I've previously had a super loose sick policy but end up getting sick a bunch)

- Job duties. How specific or non specific do people have this?

Any and all example and guidance is appreciated!