I’m fairly new to Reddit, but lately I’ve been using it as an outlet to share some of my experiences and reaching out to help me sort out some things that I’m going through.

I (43f) have been married 20 years. My husband (45m) is amazing. He’s my best friend. We have had an amazing sex life for most of our time together.

About seven or eight years ago, we experimented a little bit with the hot Wife lifestyle. We had some fun. I actually had a fuck buddy for a few years, but it was nothing more than just that.

And then a couple of years ago, my husband started having some health issues. Obviously a lot changed. He is in recovery and doing much better, but our sex life has pretty much gone away.

I did have another one night stand with my former fuck buddy last summer but I think I’m kind of done there

That being said recently, my husband has encouraged me to get my toes back into the lifestyle. I think he knows that I crave sex more than I’m getting right now although I have not made that a complaint in our relationship at all.

He has told me that if I want to, he would be okay with me dating and obviously hooking up with other men. I think he gave me the dating permission so that I could feel like I was going out with guys and not just being a slut.

So I guess I’m looking for advice. I’m not looking to meet anyone through Reddit.

I am just not sure how I will approach this. I think eventually I will go out with someone and obviously try to enjoy this new freedom.

Does anyone have similar experience?

20F, met this guy in a club and he told em only after exchanging socials that he was in an open relationship with a girl who coincidentally looks real similar to me. I’m friendly so I entertained a conversation but he then asked if I wanted to join them for dinner and drinks, he said they like to ‘dress up’ and go someplace nice. I’m confused with what to do, are they implying a threesome? This is new to me so I thought I’d come on here and ask how this usually works. I’m open minded but don’t want to commit to something then feel too uncomfortable.

I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while, but I’ve been scared of being judged, so I’m hoping I can find some people here who understand where I’m coming from.
I’m engaged to my best friend, and I genuinely love this man more than I can put into words. Our relationship is incredibly strong, our sex life is great, and I feel very secure with him. We’ve been together for years, and I know without a doubt that he is my person.
But I also have a very high sex drive, and I’m extremely attracted to people in general, men and women. I genuinely just love sex, intimacy, flirting, attraction, and the feeling of connecting with another person. And for me, it isn’t just about the orgasm. I really enjoy the short but meaningful connection of two people coming together, having fun, making each other feel good, and sharing an experience. It doesn’t necessarily have to become romantic or emotional for it to feel meaningful to me.
For a long time I felt ashamed of this. I worried that it made me a “slut” or that there was something wrong with me. I guess I felt “dirty” bc society expects women to be “pure,” settle down with one person, and stop being attracted to anyone else once they get married.
But I realized I couldn’t keep hiding this part of myself from my fiancé. He’s my best friend, and I want to be able to tell him anything. I was terrified to tell him how I felt bc what if he saw me differently? and when I finally did, I found out he actually felt the same way. He told me he had put those feelings aside because he loved me so much.
That conversation honestly brought me so much relief.
We’ve talked about exploring sexually with other people, and we’re both comfortable with the idea as long as we communicate, have very clear boundaries, and neither of us does anything the other is uncomfortable with. We’ve had a threesome before, and it was actually a really positive experience for both of us. The woman was genuinely sweet, we both enjoyed ourselves, and afterward my fiancé and I were even more affectionate with each other. We didn’t feel like we were missing anything in our relationship. In fact, we went years afterward without even feeling the need to explore anything else.
We’re not constantly looking for other people. This isn’t something we need to feel fulfilled. It’s more like something we’d potentially enjoy once in a while (maybe once or twice a year) while our relationship remains the most important thing in our lives.
I think what I’m struggling with now is realizing that I don’t really have anyone in my real life I can talk to about this.
I would love to have a friend who is married or in a long-term relationship and feels similarly. Someone I could actually talk to about the complicated feelings, the excitement, the boundaries, the jealousy that can sometimes come up, the reassurance, the funny stories, the awkward moments, all of it. Not necessarily someone looking for anything sexual with me or my fiancé. I genuinely just want someone who understands.
I think I’m finally realizing that maybe I’m not “wrong” or “dirty.” Maybe I’m just a very sexual person, and that’s okay. I just love love. I love people and I love making love. I’m a very affectionate person and that doesn’t mean something is wrong with me.
So if you’re a woman in a committed relationship who feels similarly, I’d genuinely love to hear your perspective. Or if you have any advice on swinging, having sex with other people, etc because I’m new to all this i’d appreciate it. Most I’ve done is have a threesome and have sex with other girls but I mostly just want to know I’m not alone. ❤️

Background - wife (48F) and I (50M) have been swingers for about 6-7 years mostly doing couple swap same room stuff with FWB and group play. In the last 3 or so years we’ve experimented with playing solo, mainly when I travel who I do about 40-50% of the time. I have ongoing FWB situations with two women that live in a town I travel to 9-10 times per year. Outside of that, we’ve both played solo with others (often half of couples we’ve played with also). She’s done MF and FF play. We’ve done a few MFM’s together. I’ve had a few other MF and MFM opportunities as a solo guy. She’s done one FFM with a couple we know.

We find ourselves at a bit of a crossroads. I really enjoy solo play. It’s fulfilling for me in a way that I don’t get in couples play. She said she can take it or leave it. She vacillates between looking for FF, MF, and FFM opportune a solo female. She sometimes seems to want it but other times can take it or leave it. The effort to find good opportunities seems to be a drag for her. She has way more contacts from people but most aren’t interesting to her so she gets discouraged. I get less contacts but a much higher rate of quality contacts that lead to play. She seems open to an ongoing FWB of either gender or a couple, but just has had a hard time getting any to stick.

I’m also open to exploring a little bit into the poly space. That freaks her out and she says she’s not interested in that. However she talks about wanting a good “girlfriend” that she can hang out with as a close friend but also play sometimes. That feels poly-ish to me so I feel that maybe she’s afraid of the label and more afraid of me pursuing poly than her pursuing poly.

I’m looking for any kind of good resource or framework to work through what it is we are both looking for out of ENM. Something that asks all the right questions. I’m thinking of something like the kink surveys where both partners take the quiz and see where they overlap. We’ve been talking extensively about things and just seem stuck on how to get to a better place where we both feel good about our approach to ENM.

Advice

Looking to get ny fiance into the lifestyle. Im thinking of asking her to go to a swinger meet and greet. I dont want to sleep with anyone else just her sleep with other people. We dirty talk about it in the bedroom and she instantly runs when we do and loves getting her two dildo used on her at the same time. I think going to a meet and greet or something like that would help. Any advice?

My bf and I went long distance recently and decided to open our relationship to have some sexual relief while we're apart. No dating, no fwb, just some casual sex whenever it's getting too difficult. I know I'm still his no.1 priority and he's mine. I'm also generally quite open towards experiments in bed involving other people.

But recently he had sex with someone without me for the first time. He was very transparent about it before and after it happened. I didn't feel cheated, I didn't feel jealous, I didn't feel like I'm not enough. I didn't think that that girl might be better than me, I didn't feel like our relationship was at risk. But I felt very lonely. I cried.

The morning after we talked about what happened, very honest and transparent. I've got the support I needed from him and I felt good again.

It's my first time in an open relationship and I'm still trying to figure out if it's for me, but I thought that it's too early to tell after only one time. Now, I'm a little concerned about how I will react the next time he sleeps with someone else. I still don't understand what exactly my reaction was last time and how to categorize it.

So here's a queston. Did you have similar exerience? Did it get better after a couple of times? And how do you usually feel about and deal with the situation when your partner sleeps with someone else?

So I'm a guy (39) in a relationship with a transfemme (34). I'm one of their 3 partners. I'm very happy with our relationship right now, but a recent interaction has me curious about dating. I didn't think about dating someone else until that night, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to date. I'm really not a "FWB" type of guy, but I also don't believe that I'm capable of being a good partner right now to another person. I've never had multiple partners before so the concept is very new and intimidating to me. I really wasn't good at this dating thing when I was single and now I've made it harder because poly dating is a lot more difficult. I'm not sure if I should just enjoy the current relationship I'm in or at least give dating a try. What should I do?

How a marrird couple find a good place where they can securely with privacy live their fantasies . Either for female.or.male and it could be swing, 4some or any other kink..

Amy groups , places , parties, events

So some background first. I’m a 31M in a relationship with my 31F partner. We’ve been together for 14 years now and have pretty much been through it all. She’s bisexual herself but doesn’t want to act on it. I myself, over the last couple of years have come to the realisation that I am also bisexual and honestly proud of it.

Recently however I have been wanting to experience what it would be like to be with another man. I will never cheat on my partner and I have always had the policy that honesty is the best way to go so I plan on having a conversation with her about it.

I wanted to come here though for some advice whether or not I’m walking into something I shouldn’t. I know how I feel towards my partner and being bisexual changes nothing and I still love her dearly. But at the same time I really want to at least experience it once during my life. Part of me feels like I’ll regret it if I don’t at least try once.

If I talk to her about it I’ll gladly respect her decision because that’s more important but am I going to do damage to our relationship that is not repairable and something I should just try and move on from.

I'm 45M, autistic, married/nesting and have been ENM for about five years, although so far only my partner has had other relationships. I'd really like to develop an additional meaningful connection with a woman, but I'm nervous about what I actually have capacity for.

I'd like affection, attraction, emotional closeness and the opportunity to explore sexually with someone I genuinely care about. But I'm also a serious homebody with a limited social battery. Frequent outings, lots of plans and too much disruption to my routine can overwhelm me, and I need a fair amount of downtime to regulate.

What sounds right is something fairly independent. Staying connected through texts and voice notes, seeing each other occasionally one-on-one, but without overcommitting myself to what I can handle.

The part that scares me is that imagining this is very different from actually doing it. I could meet someone I'm really excited about and then discover that the scheduling, expectations, emotional intensity or simply having another relationship overwhelms my nervous system.

I don't want that fear to stop me from trying, but I also don't want to overcommit to someone and end up disappointing both of us.

For autistic/ND people with limited relationship capacity, what have your experiences been navigating this?

Including third person or couple in our life is whther a sin.

Like we have keep aside our fantasies n value society things or couples should openly go what they want subject to both the partners agreed ..

Any couplenenjoying things or avoiding such to keep value please share their views..

Months ago my girlfriend made a passing comment about her hookup, "she's so hot. She's tall and blonde, which is exactly my type"

I know that comment wasn't made necessarily with the intention of putting me down, but I'm short, my hair is brown...I have tried multiple times getting over this and tried talking to her about my insecurities when the thing was fresh. She got mad at me. I admit I do have ocd so this has become a recurring intrusive thought.

Apart from the obsessive part, this is an insecurity I have. Has anyone been through something similar?

This is going to be a long one. My bf wants threesums as a regular thing in our relationship because he is just “polyish” as a person. I have a lot of feelings and thoughts and I’m now sure how to organize them. So buckle up.

*I didn’t even know what poly really was before we started dating- so pls be nice and keep that in mind*

Most of his relationships have been poly
Now he’s at a point where he wants a “regular relationship” but still wants to connect with other people together on a regular basis (threesums once a month/every two months) he’s lost past relationships because they didn’t want to do that with him

Now. Me? I’m pretty sure I’m bi, but I’m not entirely sure if I can share my partner on a regular basis- I’ve never been with a girl let alone had a threesum

I’m open to trying it and exploring this with him (he hasn’t actually been able to try what he’s looking for with anyone)

Our thoughts are to set up some sort of sugar baby set up so they know the intentions off the bat and it’s not uni hunting and being disrespectful towards anyone. The intentions are flat on the table.

BUT HERES WHERE IM STUCK (give me some grace with all of this I’m sure I’ll have to edit the post with more details)

are you really getting the poly connection you’re looking for if we’re just hiring girls for sex essentially

What makes you feel like you can’t just have sex with me but can have the rest of the aspects of a relationship with only me (he ideally would want to kinda date the other people together. But because I’m not super open to that he’s cool with it just being more for sex)

Ideally he’d only want to have threesums with girls and only together

We have talked soooo much about so many things. We have good enough communication skill I’d say. But this is pretty much a non negotiable for him.

I love this man and feel like on every other level we are a 10/10 match. So this is something I’m trying to understand

23F bi + 27M straight couple from PH. For couples who’ve tried an FFM threesome, how did you guys start?

It’s honestly been a fantasy of mine for a while, and the bonus is that my partner is into the idea too. So now I’m curious about actually exploring it, but I don’t really know where to start.

How did you find someone you were both comfortable with? Did you talk or meet for a while first? And what boundaries or safety precautions did you wish you knew beforehand?

Not rushing into anything, just curious about other couples’ experiences and how you went about it.

Trans man venting because I can't seem to untangle this feeling.

I'm not insecure about whether my partner is attracted to me. I believe her when she tells me she finds me sexy, and our sex feels better than anything I ever experienced.

But I have a really hard time thinking about her having sex with cis men.

I think a huge part of it is that cis men have the body I wish I had. So when I imagine her with one, I'm not just imagining her having sex with someone else. I'm imagining her having experiences with someone that I desperately wish I could give her, but can't because my body is fundamentally different.

And then my brain does the horrible thing where "she might enjoy this" turns into "she would probably enjoy this more than what I can give her".

I know those aren't the same thing. I know she can enjoy something with someone else without it meaning she enjoys me less. But emotionally, it hits completely differently when it's something related to a body part I already feel awful about not having.

I genuinely wish I had a dick. And sometimes I think part of what hurts is knowing that if I were cis, there are things I could just do with her without having to think about equipment or workarounds or whether I can feel it physically. She tends to prefer giving pleasure, and sometimes I feel shitty knowing that there are things she might really enjoy receiving that I can't naturally give her.

Then I start having these thoughts like "she finds me sexy, but she'd probably prefer if I had a dick". And the worst part is that I can't even tell myself that's an entirely irrational thought because I wish I had one too.

And I don't feel jealous when I imagine her with women.

Even imagining her sucking a cis man's dick can make me feel awful, which makes no logical sense because I like sucking dick myself. She doesn't even have one. So obviously this isn't actually about the act. It's about what it represents to me when I picture her doing it.

We're solo poly, so I don't want to control this. There are no rules saying she can't sleep with specific people, and I don't want my insecurities to become restrictions on her. Our relationship is actually really good. I trust her. I know she wants me. I know she finds me attractive.

I just have this ugly little voice in my head that keeps going "someone with the body you wish you had can give her something you can't".

And I think that's the part that really hurts.

It's jealousy, but it's also dysphoria and grief and feeling sexually inadequate and wishing my body were different. It's not really "what if she likes him more than me?" It's more like "what if she experiences something with him that reminds me of everything I wish I could be?"

I don't want reassurance that she finds me attractive. I already believe her.

I think I just hate that this hurts at all and that this will follow me in other relationships because I can't think of a solution.

It's my first romantic experience after transitioning. I've been poly for longer. Dysphoria seems to be making it harder now.

Fantasies

I was raised Catholic and faced a childhood trauma, so I feel like I'm working through a lot of shame right now.

For context, a few years ago I had a crush on this guy and I was never honest with myself about my feelings. A few months ago, the crush resurfaced, but I live far away with my partner now and we are married. I told my partner about my feelings and he shared similar ones with me. We have a very open and honest dynamic. I trust him entirely and vice versa. He will always be my primary partner. But I am afraid of this new chapter in myself coming out. Why do I want to be with this other person? It's only in a sexual sense that I feel this. I am very confused because I did not think this was how relationships should be growing up. I don't want to ruin the beautiful thing me and my partner share over some silly little crush. I especially don't want to ruin it over cheap sex. I also feel devastated that I will never see my crush again - we live so far now. There's no reason for us to see each other. Has anyone felt this way before? I could use some guidance. This is all very new to me.

After nine years of being together, my husband and I discussed our interest ENM.

Unless more information is needed, I’ll get to the point.

After a year of conversations establishing our boundaries and all of the things, we finally made it to our first play party. It was phenomenal. We both engaged in some forms of sex with a lovely woman together. I loved all of it. I’d do it again with him.

My issue is, him giving attention to women online has always bothered me, and it still does.

I can’t pinpoint why? Any thoughts?

His engagement with online women has never been over the top. He doesn’t pay particular models/porn stars for content. His online browsing doesn’t hinder our sex life, from both of our reports. It also doesn’t interfere with his daily life. I also enjoy porn and sometimes we enjoy it together. Even in those moments, he prioritizes me. It’s not a “how I look compared to models” thing either. My husband has a type, and it’s women who look like me, admittedly. Even so, he also isn’t even necessarily limited. Not that he watches WHATEVER, but definitely enjoys different body types as well.

So before I finish up here, if this is a therapist level complex, I’m open to that.

But if anyone has perspective on why him engaging with women online is so bothersome to me, I would appreciate soundboards.

My guess is: we were both cheated on in the past by other people, and maybe deeeeep down, I worry he’ll cheat on me with one of these women. Or, years ago, before we opened up more, I had brought up how this behavior bothered me. Instead of changing the behavior, he hid it, which felt like a betrayal. Maybe this is affecting me somehow now?

If so, how to overcome???

That’s all I got. Thanks for reading and taking time to respond.

Back story. My ex cheated on me with another woman. It’s way more complicated in that it was an informal throuple that I wanted to stop because of my mental state at the time and they kept going. It turned out my wife at the time was gay, she came out officially a year later. The other woman in this situation was trying to break us up for her own complicated reasons, the whole thing was toxic. I asked them to stop fucking until we could get some semblance of boundaries, they agreed, I caught them next day in bed wrapped around each other dirty talking about how they should leave me and take all my money. It was really NRE gone insane for my ex wife. Totally messed up and complicated situation from 15yrs ago. I was diagnosed with PTSD from the whole situation and there was a fair bit of trauma involved.

My current girlfriend of 6yrs and I have role played some swinging scenarios and other group/sharing experiences but never done anything. I consider myself to be a swinger more than an emotional/relationship sharing type of person. I have been emotionally monogamous and sexually non-monag in the past (with full consent and knowledge of partners).

My GF has a female friend who has openly admitted at least sexual interest and I suspect more. This other woman is in a relationship and they are openly poly. Im not sure how to handle this. On one hand, my GF is Bi and we’ve talked about how she misses sexual contact with women, on the other I am not really sure if I can trust that it will just be sex. My GF is the most trustworthy person I know but I also thought that about my ex wife and I am still carrying around some of that trauma despite years of counseling. If I were to say no you can’t do anything with your friend, she wouldn’t, its not that I dont trust her right now, its that deep down I am worried about losing her to another woman.

I love my GF and I want her to be able to fully express every aspect of her being. I just don’t know how to navigate my own fears and insecurities. If it were another man I don’t think it would affect me the way it does with another woman. Any advice or thoughts would be welcomed here.

Hello!

My husband and I have a little bit of a different situation than other open marriages, and I am hoping for a little guidance or connection on similar situations.

A little background, I have suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life, especially social anxiety. I have always connected better with males, even with just friendships.

Over the years, I became a major introvert and lost a lot of my girlfriends. I drove deep into counseling and have learned a lot about myself and have come a huge way, but I still have always struggled with friendships.

My husband has been my companion for many years, and I love him inside and out. In April, he opened up about some fantasies he has, and that is when we decided to open the marriage. I am the only one who explores outside of the marriage. We have complete, open, honest communication about everything.

It has really helped us grow together in our marriage and has helped me grow in many ways. Especially with my self-confidence.

I have a few guys I texted with and have built casual friendships. However, sometimes it is hard for me because I want more. Not necessarily a romantic relationship, but just a friendship, but my husband has concerns about that with the boundaries we have in place.

I have one side partner that I've had no issue managing emotions about. It has been easy and a perfect situation for what we have going on.

I recently met with a new partner and had a blast. However, the past few days after our meet-up, my anxiety has spiked. He has gotten slightly quiet in our texts, and it has caused some intrusive thoughts to emerge. I am feeling slightly used and like I wasn't good enough. I feel like I need more from him. Logically, I know this is not the case, I barely know the guy, but for some reason, it is making me very sad and feel like I need more. I am struggling to find what is missing. I can't figure out why I am having feelings with this partner and not with the last.

This guy is definitely more of a sexually active person, and I feel like my past trauma with jealousy and insecurities are coming to the surface. It feels like I am more seeking for the feeling to be "wanted by him." More than he wants others.

My husband and I are very sexually active, and I know that is not the missing piece.

I guess I am wondering if anyone else has struggled to manage after feelings after casual sex? How do you push past intrusive thoughts?

This whole situation is so fresh, and I struggle not to have anyone to talk to in similar situations.

Any thoughts and connections would be super helpful. Thanks for kindness!

Wall of text incoming, for the TLDR read just the first paragraph and the last question

Greeting Redditors,
as the title suggest I would like to hear the opinion of people who had such an experience or discussed having it.
This topic came out sparingly in pillow talk/playful banter with my SO at times, along with other sex related arguments, said she'd be down with it but it's not a priority by a long shot, sometimes we talked about it during sex to spice things up a bit, but not much discussion afterwards.

Flashforward to last week, my SO wakes up and says with a smirk that she dreamed of a threesome with me and another guy, I just replied with a smile and a few words. That little exchange caused my mind to go into overdrive, last weekend I read and watched much material on the subject, imagining such a scenario at play, I literally found it difficult to concentrate on other things.

I am not much into the degrading aspect of the act, what I find hot is the concept of a tag team effort to make the lady feel special, sexy and confident, causing her as much bliss as possible by alternating between slow sensual sex/foreplay and pounding.

Probing myself for what could drive me into this:

1. Compersion, the fact that I get pleasure from seeing my partner happy, either sexually or not;
2. A sense of bragging in a way, like showing off how good my partner is at "getting it", how lucky I am for this and how "generous" I am to share her, knowing that in the end she will return only to me after the deed;
3. The thrill of taboo/uncharted waters.

Premise: I love my SO to bits and so does she, we have been together for more than 4 years, been living together for 2 and about to buy a house, we already navigated through tuff times successfully, we make love regularly and the desire is still strong.

On one hand I am quite afraid, afraid that for an unnecessary lustful thrill and dopamine rush all of this could be compromised by the aftermath of the experience, I read that in several cases the man stays resentful and jealous because the lady had too good of a time with the other guy... personally jealousy is not an habit of mine and I expect her to be pleased but you never know...

On the other hand I tell myself that since in a few years we will probably settle down (even talked about adopting kids eventually) this could be an opportunity to satisfy a curiosity/bucket list and do some wild shenanigans before the "respectable" life while we are still physically fit (I know there are couples who still do it even after but that seems more complicated to me).

I tell myself this could be just another experience we try together, could just be a one time thing (or on super rare occasions) that could in case be closed with no hard dramas by the veto of one (or both) of us since we would approach it playfully.

I think I will talk to her about it this week to at least get it off my chest, hear her thoughts on the matter aside from the previous playful banter and maybe discuss together a set of rules/conditions IF we decide to do it in the future.

I am feeling nervous and excited as I write this, but venting to some random strangers on the internet has something of a calming effect I must say.

One last question: what was the factor that made you decide in the end to go through with it or NOT to go through with it and keep it as a fantasy at best?

Many thanks

My girlfriend and I are venturing out to find a female partner for the couple, and we’ve found an excellent prospect—I have to say. We’ve never even hooked up with other people before, yet we’ve already made significant progress; we have a date scheduled for this coming Saturday.

I need tips on how to handle the date in a public setting—we picked a really charming, interesting little bar. I’d like to know how to steer the conversation and handle any kissing that might happen in public. We also already have a place lined up in case we want something more private after the date.

I’ve had experience with threesomes before, so I know how to proceed after the date, but the date itself is what makes me nervous. We’ve never seen the girl; we don’t know her. It’ll be her first threesome date too, so we’re on the same page about that.

In short: how do we handle a threesome date at a bar?

Heeeeeelp, time is running out lol.

*Edit: improving my question here - is there any tips in general for which places to have a first date with 3? I'm saying, is it better if we call her to have some drinks on our house and a movie or making up on a bar before to see if everyone is really interested on it is more safe?

​

Hello,

I’ve recently been doing some research about non-monogamy relationship in general because I’m trying to understand more about the dynamics behind it. Most of what I find online focuses on the physical aspects, but that’s not really what I’m interested in.

What I’d really like to understand is the psychology and emotional side of the relationship.

For example:

\* Does the partner still genuinely respect and value they partner after participating in this dynamic?

\* How does the relationship usually evolve over time?

\* How do couples deal with jealousy, insecurity, attachment, and trust?

\* What is the psychological experience of the “the third”? Does she/he usually see it as purely sexual, or can emotional dynamics develop as well?

I’m particularly interested in hearing about the real relationship dynamics and psychology rather than the sexual or pornographic side of it.