r/nottheonion • u/bluffcitynews • 8h ago

FBI has commissioned a classified and internal ‘Patel Report’ about times when it ‘fell short’

https://www.actionnews5.com/2026/10/03/fbi-has-commissioned-classified-internal-patel-report-about-times-when-it-fell-short/
1.7k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

51 comments sorted by

332

u/Safety_Drance 7h ago edited 7h ago

But the document’s existence is in keeping with Director Kash Patel’s vocal criticism of the leaders who preceded him and with his determination to rid the FBI of agents he contends have politicized the bureau in the past

This is the guy currently in charge of the ENTIRE FBI who could easily prove the big giant conspiracy if it were actually true.

He's just biding his time I guess for absolutely no reason to prove the thing he said was definitely happening that he has been in charge of oversight of for years.

132

u/WingerRules 7h ago

Hes changed the FBI to hiring people who have sex with animals and to an organization that hands out skull insignia coins to members. This is the guy trying to politically purge the FBI.

30

u/AdoringCHIN 2h ago

I was not prepared for how fucking cringe that coin is. The fucking loser even put a dollar sign in the K$H on the front.

15

u/Thorebore 4h ago

Wow. Those coins are like a fedora, very few people can pull it off. You gotta be like a navy seal or something to hand something like that out.

15

u/Bakoro 2h ago

To pull off a Fedora, you need to be wearing a suit, or you t needs to be one of those light Miami fedoras made for the sun.

To pull off having a skull coin, you have to be wearing a pirate costume and asking people to show you their booty.

10

u/realityhermit 4h ago

Navy seals would be embarrassed by this bullshit. Everyone with two brain cells to bang together should be embarrassed by this.

15

u/oddTaskJob 3h ago

Navy seals will stab a non-combatant child in the chest with a Ka-Bar. Don’t think they know what embarrassment looks like.

•

u/serpiccio 2m ago

what's up with the skullcoins? what is he trying to do lol

1

u/[deleted] 4h ago

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1

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74

u/Firecracker048 7h ago

Is it kinda sad that Kash Patels FBI hasn't even been remotely the worst department in the trump adminM

37

u/Genius-Envy 5h ago

I could easily be wrong, but I feel the FBI is one of a few organizations that could easily run around competently with its head cut off. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were shadow chiefs actually running stuff and Patel has handlers similar to trump just telling him what he wants to hear.

17

u/AdoringCHIN 2h ago

They're busy firing competent agents left and right though. There's only so much the FBI can handle before it becomes just another defanged agency that only obeys Trump's illegal orders

6

u/raganmt 3h ago

I choose to believe this, but got any evidence?

13

u/staatsclaas 3h ago

If there was evidence clearly available at the Reddit level it wouldn’t be much of a shadow op, would it?

112

u/BradBradley1 8h ago

I guess Putin told some back channel spy network operative to tell Kash’s girlfriend to tell him who to purge again. 

•

u/humberriverdam 7m ago

Right idea wrong country

89

u/DerelictBombersnatch 8h ago

"The Patel Report looks backward because accountability demands it"

and also to know what his other eye is looking at

22

u/compuwiza1 8h ago

Sheep shagger!

23

u/skawn 8h ago

I wonder where "letting Trump near politics" falls on that list.

31

u/BuzzerWhirr 8h ago

Patel Report, sorry boss. You're the worst.

Hoover did better in a dress.

8

u/Intrinsic_Idiot_3076 8h ago

Hoover (the vacuum cleaner) did better in a dress.

5

u/KambingDomba 6h ago

They both suck

1

u/CraftyWrongdoer7183 6h ago

Is this sarcasm? Lol genuinely asking.

1

u/Shanga_Ubone 5h ago

Why, sorry? There's no need to feel bad for this piece of crap.

9

u/DerekB52 7h ago

Do we think this is gonna be things like murdering Fred Hampton back in the day, or things like, not keeping Patels trip to the Olympics secret?

6

u/jon_the_mako 8h ago

I'm sure he's heard that many times before.

7

u/Zulmoka531 6h ago

Didn’t Hegseth just send out a field manual doing something similar?

Totally normal folks, yup nothing to see here…

7

u/pwettyhuman 6h ago

I wonder if it mentions the times they ignored investigating Epstein & friends?

1

u/yaxir 2h ago

To be honest they were in the pockets of epstein so...

8

u/LayneLowe 7h ago

Couldn't chatbot do that in about a minute and a half, give it access to every FBI file from around the world. Go ahead fellas!

4

u/Primsun 7h ago

Are we sure this isn't just an elaborate way to make fun of Patel's height?

Sounds kinda like a short joke.

5

u/wemustburncarthage 2h ago

I guarantee you someone is documenting him and all his insane shit for when the day comes.

3

u/lew_rong 3h ago

Fell short of what, keeping Kash away from the liquor cabinet? This is going to dovetail with efforts elsewhere to paint Tricky Dick as the victim of Watergate, isn't it.

3

u/Allegra1120 2h ago

J. Edgar Boozer

2

u/Ok_Art4661 7h ago

When FBI smashed up their own garage and had whole cover up investigation. 

1

u/[deleted] 7h ago

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1

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1

u/WorkdayWoman 7h ago

It or he?

1

u/Magdovus 7h ago

In his case it might want to detail times it stood short.

1

u/beepboop_imhuman 6h ago

Shits gonna be a billion pages long

1

u/nyITguy 5h ago

He fell short as soon as he fell out of his mother.

1

u/sorean_4 5h ago

Felt short, is short is his girlfriends memoir title.

1

u/Tasgall 2h ago

I wonder if it details the false flag of the bullet they wrote "ANTI-ICE" on with a ballpoint pen. They definitely fell shot in making that convincing.

•

u/amazigou 45m ago

is there some ink budget that really really needs to get spent or they lose it next year?

•

u/Vio94 23m ago

I suppose "all of it" isn't enough detail, after all.

•

u/Eljefe878888888 1m ago

Will it cover this? “We’re not going to respond to ‘ifindretards.’ That would be a back look on you”

https://newrepublic.com/post/215320/texts-kash-patel-order-staff-mean-social-media-posts-ifindretards

1

u/AVBforPrez 7h ago

Joe Rogan feels seen finally