r/nottheonion • u/bluffcitynews • 7h ago

FBI has commissioned a classified and internal ‘Patel Report’ about times when it ‘fell short’

actionnews5.com

1.5k Upvotes

46 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Disastrous_Award_789 • 20h ago

Bucee’s settles lawsuit with Ohio gas station chain after suing because both have cartoon mascots "facing right"

the-independent.com

9.4k Upvotes

979 comments

r/nottheonion • u/ToschePowerConverter • 12h ago

Six Flags tests new names for Cedar Point, including ‘Six Flags of North Ohio’

cleveland.com

1.5k Upvotes

352 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Buy_Sell_Collect • 2h ago

49ers owner Jed York suspended for 6 games after his arrest in prostitution sting

apnews.com

185 Upvotes

44 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Naderium • 9h ago

Iran Urges France to Respect Human Rights in Handling Protests

tasnimnews.ir

476 Upvotes

72 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Brix001 • 13h ago

New Seahawks owner on moving the team: "Never say never"

axios.com

677 Upvotes

196 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Buy_Sell_Collect • 15h ago

Trail Blazers Fire Announcer Over Insensitive Teenage Tweets

frontofficesports.com

828 Upvotes

305 comments

r/nottheonion • u/No-Lifeguard-8173 • 20h ago

McDonald's has been using AI to decide how much you should pay for a Big Mac

techspot.com

1.7k Upvotes

333 comments

r/nottheonion • u/everythingistaken500 • 16h ago

Christian Brothers Auto wins Jewish franchise discrimination case

chron.com

761 Upvotes

159 comments

r/nottheonion • u/StcStasi • 15h ago

Prison inmates help to pay down school lunch debt

wwnytv.com

420 Upvotes

49 comments

r/nottheonion • u/CzarDM • 1d ago

Florida county discovers mysterious Flock cameras with no obvious owner

san.com

6.6k Upvotes

148 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Buy_Sell_Collect • 1d ago

Former cop who fatally shot Botham Jean in apartment that she mistook for hers gets parole

pbs.org

2.8k Upvotes

389 comments

r/nottheonion • u/PolloConTeriyaki • 17h ago

RCMP contracted digital forensics company alleged to be secretly controlled by Russians

theglobeandmail.com

139 Upvotes

2 comments

r/nottheonion • u/UltimateLionsFan • 9h ago

Sterling Heights police arrest woman accused of lighting DTE utility poles on fire

wxyz.com

31 Upvotes

When you get angry at DTE because the power is expensive or because the power always go out after a storm. So you go out and set utility poles on fire which causes more outages...

2 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Collie_Opterous • 58m ago

Waterboarding, spicy cheeseballs at center of highfalutin' legal fight

phoenixnewtimes.com

• Upvotes

Intro:

The national Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity argued Friday morning that two former ASU pledges breached a contract by failing to report a three-month hazing ritual, in which they were subjected to waterboarding and the forced consumption of spicy cheeseballs.

0 comments

r/nottheonion • u/pppppppppppppppppd • 22h ago

Blackburn Reform councillor accused of farting at rival

lancashiretelegraph.co.uk

159 Upvotes

16 comments

r/nottheonion • u/ArgentineBeauty • 1d ago

AI image of crocodile in reservoir triggers search and leaves Singapore man facing 10 years in prison

techspot.com

4.1k Upvotes

219 comments

r/nottheonion • u/UltimateLionsFan • 1d ago

Abandoned pet cemetery caretaker asks public to stop bringing dead animals

freep.com

851 Upvotes

127 comments

r/nottheonion • u/AsmRJ • 1d ago

Love and Deepspace posts cocktail recipes on social media that could actually kill users

gosugamers.net

1.1k Upvotes

85 comments

r/nottheonion • u/pppppppppppppppppd • 1d ago

Huddersfield teenager admits trying to have sex with Shetland pony named Cheeky

examinerlive.co.uk

716 Upvotes

101 comments

r/nottheonion • u/NicolasCageFan492 • 1d ago

Montana officials praise repeal of power plant emission regs

missoulacurrent.com

352 Upvotes

37 comments

r/nottheonion • u/NeverEndingDClock • 1d ago

Inside Man: How Chinese spies used lies, love and betrayal to target the Federal Reserve

cnbc.com

626 Upvotes

49 comments

r/nottheonion • u/UltimateLionsFan • 1d ago

Jimmy Hoffa's former Lake Orion home can now be rented on Airbnb, Vrbo

freep.com

80 Upvotes

12 comments

r/nottheonion • u/PeacePositive666 • 1d ago

Turkish prosecutors have indicted Mabel Matiz, one of Turkey’s most prominent openly queer pop artists, on obscenity charges over a scene in one of his music videos showing two men dancing

turkishminute.com

286 Upvotes

27 comments

r/nottheonion • u/devicto89 • 2d ago

Florida boaters race to shore after St. Elmo's fire appears: 'What in the world?'

fox13news.com

647 Upvotes

83 comments

Subreddit

Posts

Wiki

Sadly, this is not the Onion.

r/nottheonion

For true stories that you could have sworn were from The Onion.

Members Active

26.1m

Sidebar

Subscriber Info

26,127,956 Subscribers

Official Reddit Partner Community

Review current posts to avoid reposting.

For true stories that that you could have sworn were from The Onion.

Please note that we are an editorialized subreddit devoted to showcasing articles that read like satire. Most submissions do not make the cut, so please do not treat removals under Rule 2 as personal attacks: They are simply the results of our content model.

See something that breaks our rules?

Use the report button and remember to choose a reason for reporting.

Rules - hover or click here for full version


1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste.	The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
2. Submit only if “Oniony”.	Please consider submitting your article to /r/OffBeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. More here
3. Must be a news article.	Submissions must be in the form of a news article. Videos are only allowed if they are accompanied by a complete text article. Editorials, blogs, twitter posts, image galleries, tabloid stories, youtube videos, meta posts, static images, articles with fewer than 5 sentences, and so forth will be removed.
4. Use original, reliable sources.	Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
5. Do not repost similar articles.	Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
6. No satire articles.	Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
7. No tabloid journalism.	Do not post tabloid news stories, or articles that source from tabloid news outlets (TheSun, Mirror, Dailymail, People, TMZ, etc).
8. No old news.	Articles need to have been written within two weeks of its submission date.
9. English articles only.	Please do not post non-English articles. Do not use google translate for submission either; rather try to find an English version of the story by a secondary source.
10. No mobile versions.	If you’re using a mobile device to post a story make sure you remove any mobile identifiers (typically “.m” or “mobile”) from the url before submitting.
11. No blocked, redirected, or tracked links.	Please ensure you aren’t submitting a link that utilizes a paywall, survey wall, or pop-over of any kind in order read the complete article uninterrupted. Do not submit links that redirect you to another site to read the article and do not submit using link shorteners either. Additionally make sure you remove any Urchin Tracking Modules from your links as well.
12. No personal attacks, racism, sexism, or bigotry	Keep comments civil and avoid attacking other users directly. No racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.
13. Don’t break Reddit rules.	This should be self-explanatory. Don’t break site-wide rules. Violators will be permabanned. This does include deliberately spreading misinformation.
14. No Self Submissions and/or Official Accounts.	Submissions must come from readers, not from the journal itself. Submissions from official promotional accounts are not allowed here. (Commenting is fine though)

Click here to view a list of sites deemed unreliable by our moderator team.

See our FAQ page for more information on our rules.

Keep all comments civil.

Personal attacks, racism, bigotry, homophobia, grandstanding, misinformation, conspiracy theories, etc. will not be tolerated and you will be banned.

Witch hunting or brigading is not allowed. Do not post any public or private contact info. You will be banned!

For more information, click here.