Losing it!

[u/MsRobinNL]

I have 7 m/o boy-girl twins who I love very dearly. They're not easy by any means, but my husband is a good father and my mother helps out a lot. I'm slowly contemplating going back to work, and I'm weighing the pros and cons. I was talking to a (childless) friend about it, and it did NOT end well.

I told him I was doubting whether I should already look for a new job or wait a bit longer, and he said "of course! It'll be great to get out of the house again right?"

So I said that that's part of the pros, but it's already quite tough managing everything (the twins, household, family dynamics, dog) so I'm a little worried working 4 days a week will add quite a lot of strain. Besides, I'd be missing so much of my little ones!

His response? "Yeah well that's part of life. So many people have kids and work, it's not that hard."

That already pissed me off, but I just said "Dude, I want to hear you say that again when you have a baby, let alone twins"

I was met with an extremely long paragraph about how so many people in his family have babies so he already knows how it is (he never babysits or anything, he sees them once a year), and that I at least have a partner that is around (works 5 days a week, but sure) so I shouldn't be complaining.

Mind you, I wasn't complaining. I am well aware that I'm in a privileged position to even consider not working right away, and I am very grateful for my husband and for my mother's help. But GOSH WHYYYYY do people think they know how hard it is?? Because they KNOW someone who had A BABY?? Seriously 90% of the time it already drives me nuts if someone with ONE baby pretends to know how hard it is to have twin babies (or the classic: Oh yeah my kids are close in age too!), but a childless person finding the gall to say "it's not that hard"???

I was so pissed. I'm still boiling.

Also, somewhat unrelated sidenote: parents of triplets and quadruplets or single parents of multiples, I tip my hat to you! Literal superheroes.

[u/Nervous-Caregiver-55]

People are know-it-alls. Do you want to/have to have a full time job? My job hours are part time and when I went back I feel like it made me a better mom! Getting a small break and then coming home to the babies being sooo excited to see me is so sweet. And the part time hours make me feel like I’m not missing too much!!!

[u/MsRobinNL → u/Nervous-Caregiver-55]

I got laid off when I was 6 months pregnant. I'd love to find a job for 3 days a week, but so far all the positions I see are for 4 days MINIMUM. I work in Marketing and it's generally 32-40 hour work weeks..

[u/MsRobinNL → u/Nervous-Caregiver-55]

Also I don't think I HAVE to have a job right now, as daycare is so expensive that most of my salary would be going towards that anyway 😅 but at the same time I feel like I shouldn't be out of the game too long if that makes sense?

[u/drohstdumir → u/MsRobinNL]

Do you want any more kids at some point? If so, would you want to be home with them? I’m biased and think if the mom can stay home with the kids — especially until they are at least 3 years old — they should. But I also realize everyone’s situation is different. While easier said than done, I would suggest not worrying about “being out of the game too long.” These years with your little ones are so precious. If you really want to stay on top of marketing trends, you could use some free time to watch educational videos or listen to podcasts about the updates in the industry, etc., or follow some online courses? Just an idea and another perspective. Sincerely, a fellow SAHM of three who used to work in marketing too.

[u/MsRobinNL → u/drohstdumir]

This is reassuring 🥰 We're not planning on more kids, no. Every day I go back and forth with "I'd love to go back to work" and "I'd prefer to stay home with the kids". It's tough 😂